Some people find it difficult to be sincere, open up to others, and, accordingly, build some kind of close relationship. Why is this happening? There may be several reasons, but one of them is that a person was simply not loved in childhood.

Every child wants to feel loved. Love is not for some merit, but just like that. He also needs to understand that accept it the way it is. This is the function of the mother - to give the child a sense of security, reliability, and that he is not alone, and he is loved. But, unfortunately, not every woman copes with such a task. Sometimes mothers are simply unable to love. They may have some kind of psychological trauma of their own, a serious illness, or simply an evil and despotic character. This will make the child suffer.

Causes of dislike of the child and its consequences in adulthood

Sometimes mom just doesn't know how to love. Because the child feels abandoned, a real split occurs inside him. He does not receive emotional support from his mother, which is why he is forced to constantly feel mortal fear. After all, he understands that he himself will not be able to survive, and he needs the support of his mother, but she is not. Accordingly, the child is constantly in danger and in such cases begins to feel depressed and unhappy. Since children cannot resist their parents, they most often accumulate their resentment and anger somewhere inside themselves, or they manifest it in the form of poor studies, refusal to go to school. Kindergarten, constant tantrums in supermarkets, etc. The bottom line is that such an attitude of “dislike” will not pass without a trace, and its consequences will certainly make themselves felt in the future.

On the one hand, during the internal split of the child, heartache, which does not disappear with age, but remains forever. As a result, an already matured child may be afraid to open up to people, build any kind of trusting relationship, and generally open up to someone, since he could not do this with his mother or father. He did not trust them, could not rely on them, and, most importantly, felt that they did not love him. And if the person who gave birth to him and raised him did not love him, then how can he believe that someone completely alien will love him? ..

On the other hand, the child still tries to deserve love and recognition their mother or father. It doesn’t matter how old he is, he may even have already created his own family, but old grievances still live in him, and the need for the love of mother and father is also present. Worst of all, the children's attempts to get this recognition and the love of their parent are doomed to failure in advance, since, most likely, his mother does not even suspect that she did something wrong, and may not understand what she requires from her. already an adult child. As a result, a person, not getting what he wants, begins to condemn and blame himself for the current situation. After all, if he was good, then he would be loved.

It would seem that everything is clear, the parents themselves did not know how give love to a child so they didn't do it. You have to accept it, let it go and move on with your life. But on an emotional level, everything is much more complicated, since the child cannot and does not want to let go of resentment, he wants to receive what he was not given at the appropriate time.

So how do you go on with an unloved child?

It is possible to solve the problem, although this will require a lot of effort and time. You need to do the following:

• discover the problem. Often the problem can be seen by everyone around, except for its owner. Wives may complain that their husbands are mother's sons, laugh at work, that a person is very dependent on the opinion of his parents, etc. The main thing is that the person himself realizes his “strange” dependence on the opinion of his mother or father, grandmother or grandfather ... Only then can one begin to work on solving the problem;
• work with pain and resentment. One of the options for working with these feelings is the following technique: write on a piece of paper what exactly you feel offended about, and how you would like your parents to react in those cases. This way you will understand exactly what you need and why you are still in pain. You may even be able to understand the reaction of the parents to the situation at that moment, which will also help to let go of the resentment;
• physical manifestation of pain and resentment. You can try to reduce inner pain on a physical level: go to the gym and beat a pear properly, or just beat a pillow at home with all your might, tear paper to shreds, etc. Most importantly, during the process, try to experience those emotions that have been sitting inside you for a long time, and let them out. You will see, it will become much easier for you.

Naturally, in order to completely solve the problem, you should definitely ask for help to a psychotherapist or psychologist. He will tell you how to work with your inner child, and how to live on, letting go of past grievances.

Almost all psychological problems originate from childhood. The unloved child syndrome provokes the appearance of problems in communication, self-doubt, the development of an inferiority complex and many other problems. Coldness on the part of parents is the main reason that makes a person unhappy.

a lack of parental love in childhood leads to complications in adulthood

Concept definition

In adult life, unloved children themselves become parents who also do not know how to provide their children with the right level of support. It turns out vicious circle. The baby begins to feel whether he is loved or not, while still in the womb. After birth, the baby gets stressed by losing physical contact with the mother. This loss can be compensated by tactile contact and attachment to the chest.

The position of an adult in society depends entirely on how confident the child is in the love of his parents. This statement is explained very simply. At the age of 5 years, parents are the authority and support. The kid believes everything they tell him. The baby's mom and dad are associated with the whole world, he sees the world through their eyes. Their relationship to the child gives or selects the mechanisms of self-preservation. If the mechanism is broken, in adult life a person will be forced to look for a partner similar to one of the parents in order to fill the missing gap.

What does it lead to

Dislike affects self-esteem. The kid perceives himself only through the prism of the vision of the parents. As children grow up, when the ability to think logically already develops, the behavior of parents contributes to the formation of statements in the brain that sound like this: “If my own parents do not love me, no one will ever love me again.” Over time, this stereotype is strengthened in the subconscious and makes you feel inferior, avoid communication with children. Not receiving signals from the world that someone needs him, the individual begins to subconsciously strive for death.

The individual, instead of concentrating on the colors of life, tries with all his might to overcome the fears, feelings and complexes that have settled in his soul. Such a person tries all his life to prove to the world, including himself, his importance, not believing in it even for a gram.

Often, having received less affection, children try to attract the attention of adults with unfavorable actions. Naturally, such actions are followed by punishment, and then the regret of the parents, the manifestation of which the child observes in affection. Punishment after affection provokes the appearance in the child's brain centers of a feeling of pleasure from negativity, so he develops a certain line of behavior. Sometimes such behavior leads to drug addiction or alcohol addiction, the child is used to being put to shame for an unseemly act, and then they will regret and take care of him, making sure that he does not do it again. In addition to psychological conflicts, there are also physical ones.

With a lack of tactile touch, the child begins to negatively perceive his body. AT adolescence this begins to manifest itself through phobias such as the fear of mirrors and cameras.

Sometimes a child stops caring completely about the state of his body, thinking that everyone is disgusted by it anyway. Unloved teenagers who make excessive demands on themselves believe that their body is a continuous accumulation of flaws, so they urgently need to correct the shape of their nose, eyebrows, change the color and length of their hair. We can see many such examples among the stars of world show business. Self-doubt and the pursuit of the standard of beauty contribute to the appearance on the stage of an increasing number of stars similar to the Barbie doll and Ken.

How it manifests itself

An unloved child, having matured, will see himself as an inferior person, so the behavior of notorious people is immediately noticeable. Below we consider 7 signs that betray children in adults who were not loved in childhood.

1. Lack of trust. Dislike leaves a heavy residue behind, therefore, as an adult, such a person will never trust the people around him, even his soulmate and children. From childhood, the individual was instilled with the understanding that you can only rely on yourself.
2. moral poverty. The consequences of dislike in an adult are manifested in the form of moral poverty. Everything that a person is interested in is material values, benefits. These people are hard to find. mutual language with other people, especially if it is a topic that is not related to work and money transactions.
3. Lack of self-esteem. One of the signs of unloved children is low self-esteem. This is a complex of a man or a woman, which can lead to a whole series of nervous disorders. This is the inability to communicate, the wrong perception of oneself as a full-fledged person. In attempts to earn love and attention, as in childhood, and failing, a person withdraws into himself. He has a fear of not justifying the hopes of others, a syndrome of overprotection. The manifestation may not be demonstrated in any way, but internal torments will always be with the individual, keeping his nerves in constant tension.
4. Relationships with peers. It is characteristic of the human essence to reach out to those who are close to it in spirit. A man unloved in childhood, just like a woman, will look for a soul mate similar in character to him. Relationships between people are based on partial mutual understanding, but the feeling of love that brings euphoria from relationships is out of the question. In such couples, the same unloved children are born, because the parents have no idea about another line of behavior that has not been imposed on them since childhood.
5. Unreliability. Such a complex in a man very often characterizes his personality not from the very beginning. better side. He is unreliable, which does not at all make him an ideal match for a woman and moves him away from people. Such men rarely pay attention to the needs of others, do not fulfill their promises and can leave their other half pregnant, which can also serve as the birth of another unloved child if the mother fails to give the baby the necessary amount of care in time.
6. Depression. Women unloved in childhood are often subject to major depressive disorders. A chronic lack of serotonin and dopamine provokes the appearance of such a condition. Psychologists will not help to correct the situation until a course of replacement therapy is carried out. This manifestation can also be observed in men, but much less often.
7. Hypersensitivity. Hypersensitivity is a characteristic feature of many people with nervous disorders. Unloved kids with age begin to position their inner experiences in a complete absolute. Everything that happens for them is a nervous shock. Life in constant stress leads to the emergence of new mental and somatic disorders.

An unloved person shows distrust of everyone around him.

Impact on the situation

In a woman or a man, the unloved syndrome is not an incurable disease, although it requires psychocorrection. Unloved children at a conscious age must realize the depth of mental trauma and accept reality for granted. Your happiness is in your hands, try to remember at least one happy moment in your life, your feelings and transfer it to your family.

One of the problems is the influence of upbringing and environment. In many religious and social movements, people are blackmailed through the family, hinting to a person that he is inferior if he does not have a soulmate and children at a certain age. Alone with yourself, you should decide for what purpose the child was born:

• unplanned pregnancy, but it was a pity to have an abortion;
• to continue the race;
• for the family to be complete;
• because they wanted something more from the relationship;
• to keep a soul mate;
• to recover from an illness (for women);
• realized that they were ready to raise children.

Think about what you want for your child and from him. Try to understand your requirements, what you need and what he needs. Listen to your child. Childish whims, disobedience, aggression - all these may be the first symptoms of a lack of attention on your part.

On the other hand, any syndrome and complex are the result of a misperception of oneself and the behavior of others. If all the media now start broadcasting: “Our children are not loved!”, then all the children will fall into a wild panic that no one needs them.

It is important to understand how to explain to a child: what you give him is your care, guardianship and the greatest love. No psychologist can tell you how to behave properly with your child. For the manifestation of feelings, it is impossible to create a specific algorithm, a schedule of "hugs", kisses, heart-to-heart talks.

Do not forget that overprotection will also not become a plus in the future life of the child, so you should know the measure in everything. Harmony in relationships and mutual understanding is the key to well-being for your child. He should be treated as an equal to himself, and not constantly think that he will not be able to comprehend the information that you are going to convey to him.

Conclusion

Today, the problem of the development of an increasing number of mental disorders in young people is acute. The dislike syndrome is considered the cause of most phobic disorders. It must be understood that this syndrome can be quickly corrected. If signs of the disease appear, you should seek help from a specialist.

Having received less love and affection in childhood, in adulthood such people suffer from complexes and experience certain difficulties in relationships. Today we decided to tell in more detail what difficulties adults with the unloved child syndrome experience - perhaps one of you will recognize yourself in them and understand the reason for your failures.

Dislike Syndrome

Need in maternal love inherent in us by nature - without the love and care of the mother, the child simply cannot survive. AT modern world of course, children do not die from a lack of love, but they acquire complexes and psychological problems that cause them a lot of discomfort not only in childhood, but also prevent them from building harmonious relationship in adulthood. Not only abandoned children who grew up without parents suffer from the unloved child syndrome - often in the most prosperous, at first glance, families, children do not receive the attention they need.

There can be many reasons for this - parents love the child, but are restrained in emotions or too busy and they try to “recoup” live communication with expensive things and toys, or maybe they just can’t share their attention and love in equal shares on all their children. As a result, the child feels discomfort and seeks to attract attention, often with bad behavior - often such children are hyperactive, capricious, suffer from nervous disorders, show lower school performance than their peers, they are more withdrawn, nervous and anxious - all this , as a rule, only worsens the situation, provoking parents to discontent, condemnation and criticism.

Sexual relations

Growing up, unloved children are not able to build harmonious relationships with the opposite sex, without even thinking about choosing a partner who has similar features to his parents. If a mother or father hurt a child, then subconsciously he will expect the same from his lover. The feeling of discomfort, familiar from childhood, attracts such a person, over and over again forcing them to make mistakes in choosing a partner.

At the same time, he himself will consider that he is simply “unlucky” in love. Feelings of uselessness and rejection cause the fear of being alone, this encourages those who are not loved all the time to look for new relationships, as a confirmation of their own importance. Unloved children in adulthood most often underestimate the depth of their wounds, accepting their personal experience for the norm.

Complexes and low self-esteem

Criticism and comparison with others leads to self-doubt - even talented and successful disliked children consider their own achievements to be accidental, and abilities unworthy of attention. In compliments and praises, such people seem to have some kind of catch, because they themselves do not believe that they are worth something. Disliked children and adults do not know how to refuse, it is difficult for them to defend personal boundaries, because they are too blurry - especially for children who were often subjected to harsh criticism and corporal punishment, in such conditions it is difficult for a child to form a clear understanding of boundaries.

Guilt

Criticism creates a sense of guilt - unloved children are practically told that they are not good enough to be loved. As a result, such people grow up with the consciousness that they are “bad” and that they themselves are to blame for all problems in relations with others. For example, a partner may be bad mood and to remain silent or sharply express their dissatisfaction with something - in both cases, an adult unloved in childhood will look for the reasons for such behavior of a loved one in himself.

inertia

The limitless possibilities and prospects that life provides to each of us, an unloved child, seem open to everyone except himself. Such people consider themselves unworthy of the best, they do not dream, do not make plans and do not take the initiative. Dislike in childhood is manifested in most adults by a lack of interest in life, because they know in advance that nothing good will definitely await them.

Inability to love

Adults unloved in childhood do not love themselves, do not understand how love should be manifested, and therefore are not able to love others. This practically deprives them of the chances for happiness in their personal lives. It seems to them that they need to fight for love, they need to earn it somehow, they will have to pay for it ... Even if, over time, an unloved adult suspects that such a relationship has nothing to do with love, it will be difficult for him to realize what love is, because for not having an example of a healthy relationship.

Discovering that the lack of love in childhood in a negative way affects your adult life, do not rush to get upset, admit it to yourself - this is already a big step towards getting rid of the consequences of dislike! However, in advanced cases, understanding alone may not be enough; for complete healing, it is worth contacting a specialist.