Raising boys is a complex process and psychology plays an important role in this matter. In ancient times, raising children was focused on survival, which is why boys were resilient and courageous. From the first year of life, they were taught to wield weapons and endure any difficulties. Every second seed was large, and it was impossible to keep track of all the children. Kids used to become independent from lack of upbringing. From 6 to 12 years old, upbringing was the father's business.

Today, mothers bring up in boys, first of all, obedience and tolerance. They set a goal to educate strong man, but it turns out exactly the opposite.

Why is this happening? The thing is that psychologically boys are fundamentally different from girls. They see the world differently, and if a mother adjusts her son to her vision, she suppresses the masculine essence in him.

As already mentioned in our articles, in the upbringing of boys, the father plays a big role and is a subject to follow. Unfortunately, the pace of life does not allow spending a lot of time with the child and the baby does not have enough attention from the dad. To compensate for this, at the age of 10 he begins to seek the attention of other men (grandfathers, uncles), but these examples may not be good.

The father must instill in the son the correct concepts and principles. This is possible only if the dad has been with the child since the first year, and the baby respects him. In preschoolers, character traits and habits are formed, it is during this period that the upbringing of the father will be appropriate.

Along with this, they search and read:

Try to support and encourage the child, help him, overcome obstacles.

Important! Do not under any circumstances scold the child for a failed attempt to help, because he sincerely wanted to take part in the affairs of his father, and as a result he realized that the initiative is punishable.

In order for your little hero to grow up persistent and self-confident, the boy needs to be attracted to male pursuits, without taking the hammer away from him, in order to avoid consequences. It is better to follow the child's activities and deservedly praise him so that he feels his importance.

The mother often and unreasonably praises the baby, thereby showing her unconditional love, the son gets used to it and stops trying. The father's praise must be earned and it is not worth pleasing the baby with warm words over trifles, but significant achievements should be encouraged. At a young age, it can even be a manifestation of endurance in climbing a hill.

The more you allow a guy to do on his own (by helping him a little), the faster he will learn and understand that he can do a lot, without outside interference.

At 10-12 years old, boys are looking for a leader among their entourage, and it is better that the father, before this time, become an authority for the guy. Undoubtedly, this is painstaking and difficult work throughout childhood, but a good upbringing is worth it.

Excessive custody of the mother

Many mothers try to protect their child from everything in the world, they control every step of the boy from the first year and forbid him literally everything. Subsequently, they complain that the child is afraid to sleep in his room or cannot go through the dark corridor. There is nothing surprising in this, because constantly suppressing his desire for research, the mother does not allow the child to understand the true danger.

A boy needs space to show courage and tolerance. You should not run to the baby when it first falls. Pay attention, if the baby cries, he needs your support and it must be given to him. If the guy does not become capricious, it is worth praising him and pointing out his patience for pain and endurance. Unjustified harshness of education is also not worth using.

Over-custody of the mother is common. Mom is afraid for her child (especially if the son is the only child in the family) and wants to protect his health. Nevertheless, selfishness is hidden behind this, because raising a son for herself, a mother deprives him of willpower. As a result, the guy suffers at school from stronger offenders and by the age of thirty he lives with his mother, without any aspirations. There is another plot, the more powerful boys will rebel, and the mother will not be able to cope with them. And the father's attempts to rectify the situation will be in vain. The psychology of boys is different from girls and a mother should not impose her ideals on a guy.

In order for the son to be a true protector in the future and strive for leadership, the mother needs to allow the baby to make decisions on his own. Whether it be a choice of pants on the street or a dish for breakfast, he will feel that his opinion is taken into account. He must rely on his strength and in different situations with peers.

Important! You should not frighten the child with creepy monsters or monsters that hide in the dark and come if he misbehaves, because this will not cause the guy to show courage, but will only stop entering dark rooms or a psychologist's consultation is required.

Mothers and grandmothers often pamper preschoolers, instead of building endurance, they allow them to lie on the couch all day watching cartoons. This will have a bad effect not only on the guy's self-discipline, but also on his physical development... Mom should accustom the guy to active pastime and healthy physical activity, taking into account his age features... He will not learn endurance without regular exercise.

At 10-12 years old, guys will trust their mother and show their love only with the right upbringing. A warm relationship will be the result of moderate restraint and the opportunity to express yourself. A 12-year-old man will respect his mother, and thank her, because instead of prohibitions, she contributed to his achievements.

Video: Aspects of raising a son

Raising a boy without a father

The upbringing of boys and the peculiarities of a mother who raises her son on her own makes her visit a psychologist with problems in upbringing. They need a consultation when their son is already 12 years old and they are not able to cope with it. At this age, it is difficult to change something, because the foundation has been laid and many habits have been formed.

It's worth starting to wonder about parenting alone from an early age, or from the moment your father left your family. In addition to divorce, boys are left without a father due to his death, which is already causing them great trauma. And now the role of both parents falls on the fragile shoulders of the woman.

In addition to the fact that the mother needs to earn money for the family, she also needs to pay attention to household chores. There is incredibly little time left, but the child needs care and attention.

Important! First, you should understand that without a man, raising a self-sufficient and self-confident guy is impossible. This should be another close family member or coach.

Try to involve your grandfather or uncle in raising your baby, or at least spend time with them occasionally. Naturally, they will not replace the father, but they will be able to compensate for the male attention. You should not shift your chores around the house to the boy. Naturally, it is difficult for you, and it is worth encouraging his initiative in this, but not forcing.

Preschoolers can be sent to diverse sections in which a man teaches or with an exclusively male team (boxing, football). Choose activities taking into account the characteristics of your baby. There, the boy will learn endurance and interaction with other guys, determine his place in the team. A 5-year-old guy needs to throw out a lot of energy, and you shouldn't forbid him, he runs around the house and screams in his free time.

Achievements for men are insanely important at any age and whether it is a baby of 3 years of age or 12 years old, receiving praise for success, they strive for more. Sport will help to realize this desire, but the mother needs to be interested in everything that the child does. Try to learn the players of his favorite team, if it's football, or memorize the basic rules and the name of the kicks, if it's taekwondo.

The main thing is to sincerely enjoy his skills and go to competitions so that the guy sees your interest. For boys, universal recognition is equally important, they adore attention and well-deserved praise. The mother needs to be encouraged to do this in the early years. From the third year of life, preschoolers can be involved in simple physical labor (help bring notebooks to the teacher or give a chair to the girl). It is also worth raising a gentleman out of a boy who will gladly give in to the girl or let her go ahead. At 10-12 years old, this will be reflected in the attitude towards mom, because she is also a woman and deserves attention.

Of course, all boys are different and when raising them, the main features should be taken into account. Do not ignore the advice of a psychologist in difficult situations, because the child is not always calm about the father's care and he needs a professional approach.

11 minutes to read.

The upbringing of children 10-12 years old should take into account psychological characteristics period, as well as with the appearance in the child of a sense of independence. During this period, puberty begins, which seriously affects the behavior of the adolescent.

At the age of 11, children experience a peak of emotional instability, and the behavior of adults towards them should be especially careful, but at the same time firm.

Upbringing mistakes in the period from 10 to 12 years old lead to serious psychological problems in the senior period adolescence which lasts from 13 to 15-16 years old.

Features of children at the age of 10-12

1. The child is increasingly drawn to his peers. Boys and girls prefer to be friends with children of the same gender. The incipient interest in the opposite sex remains hidden so far and outwardly sometimes manifests itself only as small aggressive attacks (ridicule, pushing, name-calling, etc.)
2. Increasing physical activity child: he walks a lot and quickly, runs. The distance that children cover at the age of 10-12 and their speed doubles compared to the previous age period.
3. Children develop stable interests that often last for life. They can be associated both with the choice of a future profession and with a hobby.
4. Children become even more curious, want to know everything about everything, actively absorb information from various sources. The child is interested in the conversations of adults. Of course, he does not understand everything, but he listens, observes their behavior and communication style, reflects, draws his own conclusions.
5. In connection with the beginning changes in physiology and psychology, in children at this age, complexes, self-doubt may begin to appear. Therefore, it is important to be patient, praise them for their skills, achievements and correct behavior to prevent a decline in self-esteem.

Sexual development of children at 10-12 years old

Sex education is a particularly important stage in the process of personality formation. The main task lies with the parents, who must be able to prepare the teenager for what changes will occur in his body.

Girls, first of all, need to be competently brought to the understanding that they will have menstruation, which will be unstable at first and can go unsettled for several months. It is not enough just to tell the child that his body has matured. The mother must explain to her daughter in detail what is happening to her. It is also necessary to teach the girl proper care for yourself during menstruation.

Special attention should be paid to ensure that the teenager does not see anything indecent and shameful in the change taking place in the body. It is important that the girl does not develop a complex of guilt and shame because of her period, which occurs if she is dismissed when she wants to know about what is happening to her.

In boys, between 10 and 12 years of age, hormonal changes also begin, and adolescents are faced with such a phenomenon as wet dreams. Parents need to prepare their son for this so that he does not experience shock and does not perceive what is happening as something shameful, requiring constant concealment. It is better for the father to conduct the conversation, as in this case the boy will be less shy. At the same time, if the son is in a more trusting relationship with the mother, it is better for her to talk to him.

When conducting sex education for a child at the age of 10-12, one must take into account the fact that conversations about puberty always cause embarrassment in children. You cannot make fun of your son or daughter or in any way, even without malice, humiliate them. A teenager should understand that, despite adult sexual manifestations, his body is not yet ready for procreation. Before that, it must be fully formed.

In the same period, it is necessary to gradually begin to explain to children about the need to comply with certain safety rules during sexual intercourse. Also at the same moment it is necessary to explain that too early (before 16 years) sex life leads to health problems, especially in girls.

Child development at 10-12 years old, what you should know and be able to

During early adolescence, which lasts from 9.5 to 12-12.5 years, children move from a dependent position to an independent person who can fully take care of themselves. At this age, regardless of gender, children should be able to:

• clean up the flat;
• enjoy washing machine and hand wash small items;
• prepare simple meals with or without a stove;
• wash yourself and observe all the necessary hygiene rules;
• wash the dishes;
• plan your personal time and distribute things depending on their importance;
• defend your opinion and accept constructive, well-founded criticism;
• stand up for oneself;
• get out of awkward situations;
• accurately follow the instructions given by the parents;
• seek help from emergency services and clearly explain what is happening;
• distribute and save pocket money;
• take care of pets;
• to be responsible for their actions;
• look after the younger ones;
• analyze actions and their consequences.

From the age of 11, a teenager should be able to navigate the store in the composition of products and choose them not according to the attractiveness of the packaging.

From the age of 12, children become quite independent and can be left alone at home for the whole day. At the same time, they are already able to warm up or prepare their own food, allocate time for business and rest.

In early adolescence, the child must fully master school subjects. He also already knows and clearly understands that he is a person who has rights and obligations, as well as responsibility for his actions.

How to raise a child at 10-12 years old

• Be very attentive to your child's opinion... At this age, he has his own point of view on almost everything. If you do not learn to respect his views, then in adolescence he will respond either with a violent protest to attempts to "shut him up", or withdraw into himself and stop expressing his opinion, which is no less dangerous.
• Try not to use harsh phrases in communication with your child, do not be overly categorical. Expressions "I forbid you", "You are obliged", "Because I said so!" etc. will be greeted by your child extremely negatively and will only cause resistance. If you think his behavior is inappropriate or you do not like one of his friends, say it calmly, argue your point of view (get used to doing this all the time), tell about your feelings. Be sure to listen to your child when doing this.
• Do not hide your fears and anxiety behind the child under the guise of severity and inflexibility. Openness and sincerity in communicating with him will help maintain a warm, trusting relationship between you.
• Pay attention to what the child is interested in. at this age, in order to facilitate his involvement in this or that activity. By adolescence, your child should have one or more useful hobbies(creative or athletic), then it's easier to channel his energy in the right direction.
• More and more important role your ability to trust the child begins to play. Demonstrate with all your behavior that you do not doubt him, provide a reasonable degree of independence and initiative, designate his area of ​​responsibility. You can't prevent children from wanting to become adults, but it's important to show that it's not easy.
• Accept the child as he is, do not compare with others. He should feel loved and protected no matter what the conditions.
• Create conditions for confidential conversations with your child. If you want him to communicate with you more, do not build a conversation in the form of interrogation, that is, do not use many questions at once that involve monosyllabic answers ("yes" or "no"). Ask your child how his day went, what he learned new, what he thinks about any phenomenon, etc. It is the open-ended questions that stimulate communication. Remember that before bedtime, children are more inclined to have a sincere conversation, and use this time to show tenderness and kindness.
• Always maintain eye contact when talking to your child. And don't forget the importance of touch. A supportive hug helps you feel accepted and protected.

When educating relatives and teachers, the psychological state of the adolescent and the fact that he goes through a period of self-determination and development of independence should be taken into account. The experiences associated with puberty are also taken into account.

Children need to be supported in their endeavors and initiative. You can not treat with irony or disrespect for the person and appearance. This age period instills many complexes with the wrong behavior on the part of the parents.

Relatives should not put pressure on the teenager and force him to accept their opinion, regardless of their own. A son or daughter should be able to express their views and, according to individual preferences, choose clothes and hobbies for themselves (if they are not dangerous).

1. Do not resist the manifestations of their emotions... In order not to lose contact with children at a time of emotional instability, when they react to everything overly violently and defiantly, and tantrums can be arranged for prohibitions, one must not resist the manifestations of their emotions. After an outburst that does not find obstacles, children are ready for a constructive conversation, since they do not feel opposition from adults and the need to fight for their interests. They realize that a calm conversation with well-reasoned reasons does much more.
2. A place for freedom. Control over the lives of children in a number of directions should weaken. You should not dictate strictly what clothes to wear (you can only express your opinion, but not use guilty words: "well", "your business", "as you want" and "I don't like"). For example, if you want to convince a growing daughter that the dress she has chosen does not suit her, it is better to do this, explaining that it hides her strengths and creates the effect of non-existent flaws.
3. Adequate assessment of appearance. Parents should not underestimate or overestimate the external data of their children. Both will cause complexes. One should not poke at the shortcomings, but should gently show the teenager what weaknesses in appearance he has, and how they can be hidden or even turned into advantages, characterizing them as an individual feature.

Day regimen of a child at 10-12 years old

Compliance with the strict implementation of the daily regimen turns out to be difficult, since at this age adolescent independence begins to manifest. During this period, parents must make compromises to maintain the correct rhythm of the day for their children. It is also necessary not only to indicate when and what to do, but to explain to the son or daughter, with well-grounded arguments, why it is necessary and how non-compliance with the schedule will harm them.

You also need to allow the teenager to experience the disadvantages of violations. For example, if he sat in front of the TV or computer until late at night, then in the morning he will not be able to wake up to school, and during the day he will suffer from poor health. Faced with this, you will hardly want to repeat the mistake.

Activities with a child of 10-12 years old

In early adolescence, awareness of their interests and abilities begins. Children develop creative tendencies or aptitude for the exact sciences and sports. Classes should become, as it were, an interaction of two personalities, in which one does not dominate the other. Parents help them learn new skills and support their children in this, but they do not do everything for them, allowing them to overcome difficulties and feel satisfaction that they have succeeded.

Games and toys for children aged 10-12

Toys that interested children in early age, turn into the quality of protected and carefully kept talismans, with which they do not part, but do not play with them anymore. For boys and girls, complex puzzles, radio-controlled models, logical board games and computer.

The latter cannot be prohibited, as this will only lead to the fact that they will become especially desirable. However, it is necessary to dose the time spent at the monitor, organizing an equally exciting pastime for the child, preferably with a sports bias.

Any toys should be bought only with the interests of the teenager in mind, so that they do not become a disappointment. In most cases, children want to receive various sports equipment as a gift.

When raising a boy or girl, relatives need to first of all analyze their behavior. It should be aimed at the formation of an independent and full-fledged personality, and not at manipulating the child in order to keep him near him.

Often, parents unconsciously try to instill in their children a sense of guilt and duty towards them, which, in their opinion, can save sons and daughters from mistakes and disappointments. As a result of such an illiterate approach, they achieve only that children either acquire a mass of complexes and cannot live fully, or break off relations with loved ones as early as possible, wanting to finally become a person.

Ten-year-olds are on the verge of a new period of life - puberty. They are no longer kids, they still have a couple of three years before entering the adult era. In order to build a harmonious relationship with a future teenager and prepare him for growing up, parents need to know what a child should be able to do at 10 years old.

What the environment of ten-year-olds is formed from

In this period of human development, the social factor is decisive. Through his prism, the child sees himself. The student's environment is formed in the school and outside its walls, in the yard, in sections and circles. Now the social issue is making an amendment to all areas of the child's development: physical, mental and creative. Parental involvement is very important in the life of a future teenager: before the onset difficult period he needs their support and approval.

Behavioral Issues

When a person reaches a certain age, his personality type has already been formed. The question of time is individual, however, this often occurs in children of 10 years old - this is an important feature of their personal development... So, a child focused on the inner world, calm and shy, is unlikely to become a leader of the company and a joker. It is an introvert, and the subsequent stages of its growing up are associated with the development of self-esteem, fostering self-confidence and building comfortable relationships with the outside world.

Extroverts, on the other hand, will not stop being active in their interactions with others. If the first ten years of life, a child tries to study and understand himself through the polyhedron of the collective (parents, Kindergarten and elementary school), then the teenager already has an idea of ​​his social abilities and intentions. The neuropsychic development of a 10-year-old child is aimed at training memory, perseverance and concentration - those qualities that are so necessary for a student in secondary school.

About imitation

Depending on the type of temperament, ten-year-olds are often not antisocial: they move with the team in study, recreation, sports, etc. An important feature of this period is the reluctance of children to differ from their peers. Parents may notice the emergence of new unexpected habits:

• culinary preferences;
• selection of clothes and shoes;
• speech turns and way of expressing thoughts;
• hobbies, musical taste, etc.

The fact is that throughout the entire path of a person's formation - from birth to reaching adulthood, he learns the world, imitating him. In infancy, parents and those closest to them serve as role models, then older brothers and sisters. In the period before puberty, an example for the child is his main environment - his peers. On the parental side, worries about the lack of individual taste are unfounded: with the transition to new status the child will have new reference points, and one day he will become his reference point.

By the way, try to develop the child's creative interest. At the age of 10, creativity stimulates the formation of personality. Encourage your child to express themselves.

Physical indicators

The development of the human body for ten years, as well as at another age, is individual. The specificity of this period is a leap in development in girls, with a still seeming calm in boys. So, classmates can seem very different from the outside: schoolgirls have already entered the period of growing up, and the guys still resemble children. The development of girls 10 years old already differs from the physical formation of a child: hormonal changes mean the opening of new horizons. It is typical that at this age the guys are looking for a company among the representatives of their gender.

The physical development of a child at 10 years old also has a number of features associated with preparation for puberty. The body prepares itself to accumulate important nutrients and elements that it will need for the foreseeable future for enhanced growth. Many guys have a change in their body constitution: the thin ones turn into plump ones, weigh much more. This change is normal, however, it can be painful for the guys from an emotional point of view. In rare cases, it comes to depression. A 10-year-old child should be able to take care of his body in order to foster physical and mental stability. What useful skills should he develop?

1. Compliance with the diet and culture. The diet of a ten year old student implies variety and healthiness. Physical activity Guys suggests that there is an emphasis on complex carbohydrates in their menu. Add cereals and durum wheat pasta to your daily diet. And due to the serious mental stress on students, you should control their adequate intake of nutrients, salts and minerals. Nutritionists pay parents' attention to proteins of animal origin: their lack is fraught with growth problems for the future teenager. But you can be greedy for sweets: excess fats are useless for a young body.
2. Building an individual schedule. The student's daily routine is subject to the school schedule. Experts recommend sticking to the same idea for planning your free time. You can organize workouts in the sports section every Tuesday and Thursday, and on Wednesday and Friday, make it a habit to go for a family walk. An alarm clock and organizer (even on the phone) will help the student. Teach him to use them. At the age of ten, a student is already able to plan his own time.

Student high school spends most of his day in class. He already has basic knowledge in basic subjects. The daily schedule includes time for reading and doing homework on your own.

Figurative memory

Due to the increasing mental load in school, it is necessary that exercises for the development of memory are present in the educational process. A 10-year-old child has a so-called figurative memory: it is easier for him to describe details appearance subject, rather than its purpose. So, the explanation of complex concepts should always be oriented towards division into parts. Visibility is a trump card for quickly memorizing objects and concepts. When doing exercises, game works and tests, try to design them brightly, drawing attention to the appearance of the material.

Mindfulness and perseverance

It's no secret that a ten-year-old child is not very persevering. Support him in his pursuit of diversity. Physical "relaxation" is necessary after lessons. At home, you need to do a number of exercises to develop attention. For a 10-year-old child, the picture of the world is still complete, break it down into fragments together. Teach him to focus on one object and describe in as much detail as possible. During this activity, try to eliminate all possible irritants: mobile phone, radio, open window. The student's attention is easily switched to extraneous objects, and the mind is clouded by extraneous thoughts.

Intelligence and nervous system

The psychological development of a 10-year-old child is very active. The formation of the cranial bone has already been completed, now the body is concentrating on the functional formation nervous system... In terms of its indicators, the activity of the brain begins to approach that of an adult. The effect of pathogens is smoothed out, boys and girls are more and more in control of their emotions. The children’s speech and their thinking go hand in hand. Possessing a minimum vocabulary of 4 thousand units, students are able to freely express "non-childish" thoughts. Specialists in the field of child psychology note that intensive intellectual development a child under 10 years old can cause a shift in this transition to more early date... Everything indicates that the student is ready for new changes, intellectual and physical.

The development of a ten-year-old student encompasses many factors, the leading one being the social component. By this age, the child has an idea of ​​himself, his communication skills and needs. A 10-year-old child should be able to solve many of his problems, for example, strive for the coherence of all elements of personality formation: physical, intellectual and social. This way he will be better prepared for adolescence.

Gradually, from this age, the child enters an extremely difficult and emotional period - transitional age... Against the background of physical changes taking place in the child's body, there is a change in the level of hormones, changes emotional background and psychology. At this age, another crisis period arises, which must be properly lived through.

Children at this age are already relatively independent, they are no longer so strongly attached to their mother and father, not so much dependent on them. They are trying with all their might to show their independence. Due to the fact that often the opinion of parents is at odds with their vision of the world, elements of aggression in behavior may arise. This often turns into a confrontation between them and their parents. Children try to express themselves by acting in the opposite way to what their parents ask of them. Adds to the piggy bank of complex behavior also a changeable mood due to hesitation hormonal background- the mood can change for no apparent reason, and there is no need to worry about it.

How to raise a child at 10 years old

Not all parents now do not know how to raise a 10-year-old girl or a boy of the same age. In trying to grow a kind and positive person out of their baby, parents often show excessive zeal.

One of the most common problems in upbringing is the abundance of all kinds of prohibitions and the words "no". Children actively continue to explore the world, and such prohibitions are extremely difficult psychologically for them. The child simply cannot stand them and constantly violates them. As a result, everything is brought to the conclusion that the parents believe that their prohibitions have no meaning and meaning for the child, and that the children do not want to obey them.

Another mistake in raising your children is comparing children to others, reproaching or shouting. You cannot shout at a child, it is important to explain everything calmly and without hysterics. Try to scold the child less, and praise more, and it is strictly forbidden to compare the child with others in a negative tone, to humiliate his dignity - each child is unique in its own way.

Psychology of children 10 years old - what are the features

The question of how to properly raise a boy or girl of 10 years old is extremely difficult. At this age, there is some emotional distance and cooling of relations between children and parents. The differences are especially noticeable in the attitude of boys to mothers, and girls to fathers. This period can be especially difficult in those families where only one parent is raising a child. During this period, the child should have a close person from adults of his gender (for girls, mother, aunt, grandmother), for boys - father, brother, uncle), to whom he can entrust his experiences and fears, with whom he can speak in confidence. The psychology of a 10-year-old boy or a girl is special during this period, children are not quite aware of what is happening with their body and mood, they can form complexes. In this regard, in order to form a positive attitude towards your body, you should pay attention to sports. It is important for children to be in a team and communicate with peers, to have friends, parents now need to behave in such a way that they are subjects for children to follow. The peculiarity of the psychology of children 10 years old, especially if they are boys, often pushes them to rash acts or violation of safety rules. It is important that parents can convey to their son or daughter what certain actions and deeds are fraught with, what they can eventually lead to.

Shouting and cursing, putting a child under arrest for his misconduct is not a way out of the situation, it will only alienate the children from you.

Naturally, children need to be given some freedom, but they need to understand how independent a 10-year-old boy or a girl should be. It is important for children to feel their independence and the parents' trust in them.

Crisis symptoms in children 10 years of age - how to identify and overcome

Along with the earlier, this age in children is also a crisis. On the one hand, they are already relatively mature for making decisions and taking responsibility for them, on the other hand, they have no life experience. In view of this, in the transitional age, boys at 10 years old or girls may experience difficulties in communicating with adults or children, isolation, self-doubt and other problems. It is important for parents during this period to show participation and unobtrusively offer help in overcoming this period.

At the age of 10-11 years, significant physiological and psychological changes begin in the child's body, which must be taken into account when communicating with the child and parents and teachers.
The vigorous work of the endocrine glands causes the processes of puberty, which affects the work of the whole organism.
The growth of bones and blood vessels does not always correspond to the growth of heart muscles, therefore, at this age, doctors often record a murmur in a child's heart. Hormonal changes in the body affect memory loss, intellectual abilities child. The work of the endocrine glands increases the excitability of the nervous system: the processes of excitation prevail over the processes of inhibition. Adults record increased irritability, irascibility, excessive touchiness, harshness in the manifestation of emotions in children of this age.
Negative emotional manifestations in the home behavior of children aged 10-12, especially 11 years old, sharply increase. At 11 years of age, there is a peak of emotional instability. The behavior seems to be falling apart. In relation to parents, especially to the mother, the child behaves rudely and defiantly. Eleven-year-olds go to extremes in expressing emotions. The anxieties and fears of these seemingly arrogant boys and girls are quite strong and can become a source inner feeling unhappiness.

Outside of the family, especially in the families of their friends, these children can appear very different - friendly, well-mannered and cheerful. At school, the greatest unevenness in diligence and success, the lowest level of attentiveness, extreme restlessness, distraction, forgetfulness, explosiveness and withdrawal into fantasies, "waking dreams" are noted. It is no coincidence that teachers who work with this age group often feel like tamers or servants of the menagerie.

A child at this age experiences a deeply hidden but very strong need for approval and support from adults. At this age, psychologists note the lowest self-esteem of children, frequent rejection of themselves, low self-worth for themselves.

If in primary school the child's leading activity was learning, and everything related to school affairs was in the center of the child's interests, but now the situation is gradually changing. Until this age, the child linked his assessment of himself with his studies. Studying well means good. His classmates also rated him on his academic performance.

Now everything will depend not on how he studies, but on how he will be able to establish himself among his peers. The child begins to fight for his personal status in the classroom, in the yard. Communication becomes the leading activity. Therefore, after school he has some business with friends, in the evening he cannot be driven home. He calls someone, disappears somewhere and does not consider it necessary to inform his parents about his affairs. "How are you at school" - "Good", "Where are you going?" - "Mom, leave me alone, I'm with the guys."

The child begins to test the boundaries of what is permitted. And sometimes these boundaries expand to articles of the criminal code. Therefore, "leave me alone, mom" should be analyzed by the parents. And do not be complacent that your son or daughter is friends with "good" guys who will not teach you bad things.

The fact is that adults quickly stop paying attention to children who behave well and study diligently, having learned the science of conformism early. And what is in his soul? What values ​​does he choose, what beliefs does he assign? Under the influence of what emotional experiences do cultural values ​​become facts of consciousness? All this is hidden from the view of adults. Therefore, they sincerely wonder how these happy girls from good families brutally beat your classmate?

Those guys who are good learners "nerds" no longer enjoy the respect of their peers. There is a redistribution of roles: "leader", "not this, not this," "the scapegoat." Everyone must assert themselves anew.

The main psychological contradiction of this age is the simultaneous desire to be like everyone else, to have what others have, to wear what their peers wear, and the need to stand out, be noticed, and recognized. The opinion of other guys about him is a motive for working on oneself. All this is accompanied by an unformed sense of taste and proportion. Boys assert themselves at the expense of friendship with older children, jargon, smoking, provocative appearance, rudeness or clowning, foolishness, servility to a stronger one.

The increased demand for normative behavior can lead to incidents. An adult is no longer an authority. The actions of an adult are analyzed from the point of view of morality of the group that is referential (meaningful) for the child. Of all the values ​​previously imposed on the child on adults, he now begins to choose his own. And these, own, albeit still blurred values, the child begins to defend. He argues with adults, objects to his parents, can start a pointless, from the point of view of an adult, argument. Children of this age are not particularly inclined to cooperate with adults.

The middle level of the school meets the child with a variety of requirements, grades, labels. What one teacher praises for may be condemned by another. And in general, the opinions of teachers and parents are gradually fading into the background. A child enters into "no man's land" (G. Zuckerman's term) in developmental psychology.

The period of self-affirmation is different for everyone. Stubbornness, insisting on one's own, even if erroneous, opinion, committing actions that are directly opposite to the requirements of an adult - all this has one meaning: to feel one's own existence, to experience one's own independence, to know one's capabilities, their strength and limits, to assert one's own life authorship - subjectivity. From the variety of moral requirements and norms of society, the adolescent chooses those that will later become the basis of his personality - a system of personal meanings.

It is necessary to take into account the preparedness of the consciousness of modern children by watching television series and reading romance novels to the possibility of experiencing strong feelings in relation to the opposite sex. At the same time, the polar stratification of interests is observed in girls more than in boys. Among children of this age, with the naked eye, you can see girls who still feel like children, and girls - girls whose interests have long been outside the scope of educational activity. Difference between physical and psychological age huge. In grades 5-6, the gap in psychophysical age between girls with early puberty and boys with late development often reaches 6 years. The image of peers as equals turns out to be untenable. Girls seek companionship with older boys.

A person at this age is actively experimenting with himself. He tests his own abilities in different areas: in communication, in any activity. Checks his courage, attractiveness, willpower. This is a violent and highly risky experimentation. The child is absorbed in a constant assessment of himself. For the first time he begins to think about what qualities of his character help or hinder him in life, tries to correct himself, sometimes not having the necessary knowledge and skills for this.

He begins to be interested in psychology. The personality structures of the child crystallize, and many social and personal characteristics provide the basis for reliable predictions for 4-6 years ahead.

The tasks of personality development during this period are successful socialization among peers, the feeling of being a full member of the reference group.
Successful upbringing can be considered that education that will give the child the means of this socialization, will help to highlight the sides of the growing personality that are effective for communication and will help to correct the shortcomings leading to interpersonal contradictions.

Otherwise, the child's unsuccessful self-affirmation will provoke the development of one of the following character types:
cruel, strong, aggressive (asserted by cruelty in response to cruelty: “all people are bastards!”;
cruel, strong, cynical (asserted on the heartless use of human weaknesses: "people are rubbish", "they carry water on fools");
weak, hypocritical, vile (asserted at the expense of meanness, deceit, hypocrisy, intrigue: the line of behavior is built depending on the circumstances and character of the partner, the strong is immediately inferior, with the weak arrogant and cruel);
weak, lost dignity ("six"). Forced to look for a patron and adapt to him. Capable of any crime, just not to cause the anger of the "owner". Lost ideas about moral and immoral.

At this age, the child's behavior is determined by two leading needs:
1. The need for communication, which manifests itself in non-business communication in the classroom, children do not leave for a long time after school, write notes to each other, keep diaries of friends, fill out all kinds of questionnaires.
2. The need for self-affirmation, which manifests itself in the choice of clothes, jewelry, hairstyles, the presence of admirers for girls, video equipment, computers, prestigious games for boys.

Therefore, it is very important for parents to be able at this age to rebuild their relationship from the relationship of authority - obedience, to the relationship of partnership with the child. Otherwise, the family will face battles and increased hostility. On the part of adults, sensitivity and consideration are needed in their actions.

Children of this age will feel most well in those families where the child is spared from the suffocating parental love, there is warmth and understanding in relations between relatives, combined with clear, jointly developed rules of behavior and rather strict, but not dogmatic control over their implementation. Parents can reserve the right to control the choice of education and extracurricular activities of the child, but let peers determine the style of dress and rest, aesthetic preferences. The greatest dependence on the peer company is found by those children whose parents are either overly authoritarian or too condescending.

TIPS FOR PARENTS:
If you want to remain friends with your children, not to lose their trust in this difficult period of their life, follow the commandments of family education:
1. Love is longsuffering. How often do we say, "How long can you tolerate my child's bad temper?" Answer: "Infinitely".
2. Come to the aid of children in difficult situations life situations... But while helping, do not scold the offenders, but help the child figure out why he was in such a situation.
3. Do not envy those parents whose children, in your opinion, are better than your child. Envy breeds aggression towards your child. God gave you such a child, accept this gift with gratitude.
4. Do not reproach your child with the fact that you do a lot for him. This is insulting. Often, when you are reminded of their investment in a child, children answer: "Who asked you?"
5. Do not deprive the child of freedom of choice. Let him decide what to wear and who to be friends with. Explain all the prohibitions, motivate the child to think not only about your desires, but also about yours.
6. Don't put yourself above your children. Avoid arrogance and arrogance in communicating with your child.!
7. The child has not only responsibilities, but also rights. He has the right not to hear insults and humiliation from his parents, he has the right to express his opinion and be heard.
8. Don't get annoyed. Do not remove your irritation on the child. When we lose our temper, we lose control of ourselves and lose everything. Irritability is the worst enemy of family education.
9. Learn to forgive and forget. You should not reproach the child for the mistakes that he makes. Development is a drama, and our task is not to aggravate this drama, but to help cope with least injuries for the psyche.

And remember the parable of unconditional love:
The mother rocks the baby in the cradle and sings: "I love you, my baby." A few years later, the child is naughty and capricious, and the mother repeats: "I love you, my baby." The son grew up, dyed his hair orange, started smoking, and his mother still repeats to him: "I love you, son." And now an adult son at the bedside of his dying mother, shedding tears, whispers: “I love you mom. Only you knew how to love me with anyone and you always understood. How am I going to live without you, mom? "