The birth of a second baby is a great joy for parents and a lot of stress for an older child. Often he begins to be capricious, stubborn, demand increased attention to himself. And the first-born can be understood, because now he has to share parental care with his brother or sister. How to prevent children's jealousy, or at least smooth out its manifestation in relation to younger children?

Signs of childish jealousy

Psychologists are sure that the eldest child experiences a kind of “overthrow from the throne” when another baby appears in the family. And indeed, now it is necessary to share toys, one's own "living space" and, most importantly, mother's love.

Sometimes jealousy towards the youngest child is obvious - older children take away dolls and cars, saying that they do not like a new family member. But often little tricksters do not show much dislike for the baby, and only attentive parents will be able to notice signs of jealousy in the behavior of the firstborn.

1. Due to strong experiences, especially sensitive children may experience such nervous reactions as stuttering, tic.
2. Difficulty falling asleep, restless sleep, often waking up throughout the night, fear of the dark, which is associated with a feeling of loneliness.
3. Frequent tantrums are alarming, especially if they have not happened before.
4. The kid refuses previously favorite activities: walking on the street, reading fairy tales, watching cartoons, visiting a kindergarten.
5. In two-three-year-old children, a regression of acquired skills and abilities is often noted - children start again, refuse to go to the potty.

Why are older children jealous of younger ones?

Before you understand how to smooth out the manifestation of childhood jealousy, you should determine the factors that contribute to the emergence of this feeling.

• Too little or too much age difference between children. In the first case (the difference is 2-3 years), the older child himself needs care and, of course, mother's care and love. The greater the difference, the more acutely he begins to feel the anxiety and uncertainty that arise with the advent of the baby.
• Children's egocentrism. Older children, accustomed to the fact that the whole world is spinning around them, consider themselves the best and indispensable for their moms and dads. The appearance of a second child in the family is often perceived by them as a real betrayal. Hence the negative emotions and protest.
• Babies of the same sex or the eldest is a boy. It is believed that rivalry between same-sex children is particularly strong. Psychologists are also sure that it is much easier to involve a girl in caring for a newborn due to her innate maternal instinct and the need to care for the younger ones.
• Lack of parental attention. The kid is jealous of his mother and father, who spend all their strength and free time on a newborn baby.
• parental mistakes. Sometimes adults are indifferent to what happens between children. It happens that the elder is moved to another room or even sent to his grandmother, without asking his desire.
• Mode change. Sometimes parents change the usual daily routine of older children, adjusting it to the mode that is convenient for babies. It is not surprising that such a step can cause jealousy for the youngest child.

Scroll possible causes far from exhaustive, however, it can be concluded from it that much in the problem of child jealousy depends on correct behavior parents and their relationship with their children.

How to avoid jealousy - expecting a baby together

• Emphasize all the benefits of having a baby in a conversation with an older child. Tell them that in the future they will be able to go to the park together, play on the playground. In general, create pleasant associations with the birth of your second baby.
• However, do not get carried away describing the numerous advantages and warn the child in advance that the newborn will not be able to immediately ride a bicycle or play with dolls with him. Explain to the baby that at first it is necessary to take care of the younger one, to teach everything that he can do himself.
• All innovations and changes in children's lives should be carried out before the birth of the second child. , adaptation to kindergarten ( ), moving to a separate room should not cause the baby to feel that he is being fenced off from his mother due to the appearance of a new family member.
• The firstborn will be able to feel belonging to important event, if you involve him in the purchase of cribs, rattles, strollers and clothes for the baby. Ask the baby to help with choosing a name, pick up a gift together and draw beautiful picture for a newborn.

The arrival of the youngest child in the house

The first months after the birth of a second baby are perhaps the most difficult for a mother. She is completely occupied with the newborn and may miss the moment of jealousy in the elder. How to prevent this problem?

If you have not been able to avoid childhood jealousy, and the relationship between the kids is only getting worse, it's time to take control of the situation in your own hands.

1. Try to show the same tenderness to both children. The same applies to other relatives. Jealousy can increase several times if relatives stop noticing the firstborn, paying all attention to the baby. Have an appropriate conversation with those close to you.
2. Remind the older child that the youngest member of the family loves him and is drawn to him much more than the rest. Emphasize the closeness of the children each time so as not to leave a single chance for rivalry.
3. When a conflict situation arises, do not immediately take the side of the younger child. Be sure to find out the reasons for the quarrel. If the scandal occurred because of the toy, try to find a use for it so that the kids can play with the doll or car together.
4. Three-year-old children begin to consider themselves full owners of toys, cribs, etc. Therefore, do not force the older child to share his property. Leave him the right to play separately and do not impose each other's company on the crumbs.
5. In the process of caring for a newborn, do not forget a simple rule for all family members and relatives - give gifts to both children. Jealousy for the younger will intensify many times over if the older baby is deprived of purchases and new clothes.
6. Don't get annoyed if an older child refuses to help you or does something wrong. Any careless word addressed to him can cause anger and increase dislike for the baby.
7. Remember that with excessive manifestations of jealousy, children should not be left without parental supervision. Young children are not always able to control their anger, and youngest child may be seriously injured by a senior.
8. Often, the interests of matured children diverge more and more, so it is worth enrolling them in different circles, taking into account their preferences and desires. Having achieved impressive results in various fields of activity, they will no longer feel like rivals.

And another one important recommendation- keep a balance in relations with the kids, do not single out one of them, try not to compare them with each other. Remember to spend more time together, but don't interfere if they get along great and play well together. In this case, you are more likely to cope with childish jealousy and avoid the problems associated with it.

We also read:

Useful video

How to explain to the older child that the parents love him as much as the newly born younger one? Tips from a child psychologist:

How to help your child overcome jealousy younger brothers and sisters? Parenting. Mom's school

Jealousy for brothers and sisters is experienced not only by older children, but, strange as it may seem at first glance, the younger ones in relation to the elders. And although the younger ones initially grow up in a situation where they need to share their mother, they also often have fits of jealousy. The younger child in the family is somewhat easier. He was never an only child, and therefore he never experienced the situation of “overthrow from the throne”.

But on the other hand, he also never was "the first". Although he is undeniably beloved, he is second. And this means that he grows up, if not in the shadow of the elder, then at least with a parental eye on the experience gained with the older child.

On the first child, my mother learned - to feed, dress, massage, communicate. She has hit some bumps and gained a lot of experience. On the second, she will strive to apply the same skills that were used with the first. Or he will correct his mistakes - if the first one was hardly dealt with, then the second one will be dealt with more. If a lot of work was done with the first, then the second can simply rejoice.

And everything would be fine if one very common mistake did not lie here - the second child is not a “clone” of the first, but another, often very different not only externally, but also internally. It also happens that children are very similar in appearance, and accordingly, I really want to believe that they are internally similar. But it wasn't there!

No matter how trite it may sound, each child is individual, and he needs his own, his personal approach and upbringing! Therefore, in order to avoid the “cloning” mistake, you should carefully observe the baby - what he likes and what does not, what is comfortable for him and what is not, what he is interested in and what is not - just like you would acted if he were the firstborn.

Past experience is a great help, but it should not come first - the child should always come first! The younger one has the right to be different!

But the main reason for the jealousy of the younger - no matter how incredible it may seem - often the younger child receives significantly less attention than the older one. The older child, jealous when a baby appears in the house, does everything to attract maximum attention to himself - it seems to him that only in this way can he keep his elusive positions.

And the mother, who understands that jealousy has awakened because of her desire to have another child and pities the first child who has to go through such an ordeal, begins to feel guilty. To get rid of guilt, she tries to devote all possible time to the older child. Or he simply gets more pleasure from communicating with an older person who is more intelligent, more curious and simply more interesting to talk to.

And suddenly it turns out that during the massage, the baby can be told something to the elder, while feeding him, you can read fairy tales, you can play with the elder, while the baby is just lying on his knees. And everything seems to be wonderful, the kid is not indignant, because he does not know any other communication, except for the one he has. The elder is also pleased - his mother, and the application in the form of a baby can be ignored - especially since he does not interfere too much.

And everything would be great if it were not for the "ravines". That is, if it had not turned out that the mother, driven by guilt towards the elder, did not forget that the younger also needed communication - individual, addressed only to him. He, just like the elder, for successful development needs concentration on himself, on his personality.

Dressing the younger one and having a parallel conversation with the older one satisfies the need of the older one, but the younger one’s need is ignored ... But he, not yet understanding speech, lives with feelings and sensations that tell him that his mother is not “in him”, she is outside his spiritual space.

And although formally, the mother gives the youngest child a lot of time, in reality she is focused on the feelings of the elder. What happens next is not difficult to guess - the younger one has a role - "your place is second."

But even further, the situation can develop in two different ways - if the youngest child is spiritually driven, then he will probably meekly accept this role (with all the ensuing consequences), and if he is a leader in spirit, then one fine day, the mother will discover that the younger rebels - he is already not enough with his mother's breast alone. He wants to get his mother all, completely and completely. And without a "substitute" in the form of a dad.

He may not allow the elder to read books, drive him off his mother’s knees, often and “irrelevantly” be capricious, whine, throw himself on the floor at the slightest “no” ... In other words, he will look for any destructive ways to achieve his goal - turn on attention and get the amount of communication he needs.

Why exactly destructive conflict-aggressive methods are the most "working" - they always and invariably achieve the goal faster and more efficiently than more constructive ones. And besides, they are more consistent with the “strong” feelings of the baby, which he still does not know how to suppress in himself or redirect to other objects.

The biggest difficulty in this development of events is the second round of jealousy of the elder, who is already accustomed to the fact that the baby does not take up much space in life. Therefore, it is very important to prioritize correctly from the very beginning - each of the children has the right to mother's attention and everyone should receive it.

If you understand that an older child is jealous, it is not difficult - you just need to watch him - if reactions that were not previously characteristic of him suddenly appear in behavior, then this is most likely jealousy. The previous article already mentioned nail biting and other self-directed actions - the so-called auto-aggression. Maybe aggression directed at one of the family members - it is especially likely that the target will be the one who admires the baby more and ignores the older one, there may be aggression directed at the baby himself.

Once I had to consult one family in which the eldest, while the mother was distracted, quietly sneaked up to the sleeping baby and shouted loudly in his ear or bit his heel.

Another variant of the manifestation of jealousy - a previously peaceful child may begin to show aggressiveness towards peers, this is especially noticeable in the sandbox. In the latter version, aggression (I remind you that aggressive attacks are a reaction of the emotion of anger that young children cannot yet control or redirect) directed at peers means that the child has learned the prohibition on aggression at home (the baby needs to be loved and protected, and you can’t offend), but since you need to do something with the growing feeling of anger and therefore the need to get rid of it, then anger can splash out in this form.

But to understand that the younger is jealous is much more difficult. After all, he does not have a sudden change of state. The appearance of jealousy occurs in him smoothly, from day to day. And it is difficult to understand - the baby is naughty due to lack of attention or because he is hungry or wants to sleep.

Therefore, if the behavior of the youngest child in the family is characterized by manipulative or destructive inclinations, then it is worth considering whether the youngest child has sufficient parental love, attention and other attributes of children's happiness.

When there is only one baby in the family, all the attention of the parents is given to him. And if a younger child appears, the first-born may not experience the most tender feelings to a brother or sister. What should a mother do in such a situation? First of all, be wise.

famous doctor Komarovsky made up detailed instructions for parents so that their behavior after the birth of the second (third, fourth ...) child does not cause jealousy in the first-born or older children.

Now you should have enough time for two (three, etc.)! Minimize the time spent on housework, make the most of the achievements of civilization - diapers, dishwasher, prepared food, etc.

Do not make organizational mistakes - sleeping together, feeding on the first peep, many hours of motion sickness - all this is not for you. The lack of time, emotions and attention in relation to the older child is the main cause of most theoretically possible problems.

Talk to the older about the younger. Tell, explain, answer questions, encourage interest. Read stories about brothers and sisters.

You can’t bring a rattle into the house and forget about the car for your older brother. And warn guests / grandmothers: either come empty-handed, or how many children - so many gifts.

Instagram @o.germanova

You can’t sing a lullaby to the younger one and not read a fairy tale / talk heart to heart with the older one. You can’t have a photo session for your younger sister and not take a portrait of your older sister, followed by an Instagram post and an enthusiastic comment about the best / most beautiful girl.

Encourage any attempt by the older to help you care for the younger. Provoke situations when you need help. Praise a lot. Very! Set an example.

Do not create situations where the older child is forced to take responsibility and make any parental decisions. Most experts do not even recommend a short time leave children alone if the eldest child is not yet 12 years old. In any case, even if a child of 15 years old is left to look after younger sister, it should be his initiative, and not the categorical requirement of the parents.

Instagram @taifun_mom , @kristigoldberg

The topic of childish jealousy is also relevant for a young mother. Elena Kuletskaya. Recall that the model educates Nick(2.8) and small Sasha which was born last summer. The celebrity spoke about a situation that helped her see childhood jealousy through the eyes of a child.

Sasha (the youngest) is in the room in her sun lounger.
Nika runs and plays.
I am in everyday turmoil somewhere spinning.

Suddenly Sasha burst into tears.
My instant reaction is to sharply shout “Nika, stop it!” and go to the room to resolve the conflict.

I look - Sasha is alone (crying because the children are crying, yes🤷🏼‍♀️)
And Nika froze a couple of steps away from her with ... a toy in her hands .. The baby cried, and she ran to her sister to please her and calm her down, and I drew conclusions in advance😔

Well, mom, I want to please her .., - Nika muttered offendedly and wandered back 😢

And I had a lump in my throat.
After all, if Nika had time to reach Sasha and put her hand with a toy over her, and I would just come in, then I would think that she was beating her and scolding her even more😞

I apologized and hugged. Without drama and self-flagellation, but explained what I thought and that I was wrong.
Nika nodded, smiled, and... immediately covered Sasha with her toys 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

Moral 1 - do not build barriers yourself

Moral 2 - do not think about your baby worse than he is and talk 🤗

Instagram @elenakuletskaya

Have you ever been in a situation where an older child was jealous of a younger one? Tell us about your experience.

Jealousy of a child at the birth of a second child is quite common and common. But what about parents who want to prevent scandals in the family in advance and make all the children loved and happy?

Experts believe that it is sometimes difficult to avoid such a problem, but it is possible and even very necessary to maintain a healthy atmosphere in the house, to instill in the first-born a sense of responsibility towards the second baby.

This is a complex and patient work in which three parties must interact:

• mother (parents, close relatives);
• first child;
• psychologist.

Jealousy between children is a normal phenomenon from the point of view of psychology. It is important to maintain a barrier between its passive form of manifestation and aggressive, so that the child does not become the cause of accusations and conflict situations.

Let the birth of a second child be a pleasure for every family, and children from the very birth mutual language and made friends with each other. How to achieve such prosperity? Advice from wise and experienced professionals further.

Causes

The reasons for children's jealousy are simple and banal - unwillingness to share a loved one, his attention and care with someone else.

A small child can be jealous of his mother not only for the second baby, but also for work, car, computer, everything that takes his time from his parents.

It is important to correctly explain to the child why you should do such things, and not spend all the time with him. Thus, it is possible to avoid various types manifestations of jealousy.

Types

Passive

• the baby has closed in on himself, pretends that he is indifferent to the presence of a brother or sister;
• he does not ask to play with the baby, he is cold and distant;
• he may develop a viral disease, loss of appetite;
• the child keeps aloof and does not want to make contact with adults;
• to the question "what happened?" he shrugged it off and didn't say true reason such unusual behavior.

Semi-explicit

• the older child always strives to return to childhood, starts drinking from a bottle, asks for a potty, even urinates in bed, asks to be fed from a spoon, reaches for his hands, citing the fact that he cannot walk;
• he is naughty, trying by any means to attract attention to himself.

Aggressive

A complex form, when a child, screaming and screaming, asks to take the younger one to the maternity hospital, spoils property, refuses to obey in any business, makes scandals and even tries to hurt the little one (bites, pinches, pushes).

In all cases, the child is simply trying to take the main role in the family again and, as before, receive all the caress and care of his beloved parents.

What needs to be done in order to return peace and tranquility to the family? Become an exemplary mom and dad, give the children so much attention and affection so that they grow up as a support and support for each other.

How to avoid the jealousy of an older child to a newborn. Psychologist's advice

The rivalry between children begins even during pregnancy, when a mother with a rounded tummy can no longer jump and have fun, as before, raise and circle the baby, lie with him and play the way he is already used to.

At this time, the eldest begins to think that everything that happens is because of the one who lies in his mother's stomach.

Preparation during pregnancy

1. It is important to introduce the first-born into the world of waiting for the second. Tell how the baby is growing, show photos, introduce the older child to communication with the baby while still in the tummy.
2. Walk together for gifts for the newborn. Let him choose things, clothes, toys to his taste.
3. It will be good if parents use books in classes with their first child., games, video cassettes with role-playing performances, which will feature a happy story about the birth of a brother or sister).
4. Particular attention should be paid to the regimen of the child, the calmer he will feel in the family, the less reason there will be for the emergence of a jealous relationship with the newborn.
5. Let the expectation of the second child be interesting for the first and fun event. And meeting with a brother or sister is a happy and exciting holiday.

Discharging from maternity hospital

1. Meeting. This is a very responsible period. If the first-born is expecting a mother with a baby at home, then she should first of all hug and caress the child, say sweet words, talk about his well-being, so that he makes sure that he is still loved and appreciated, despite the appearance of another toddler in the family.
2. In the early days it is advisable to make every effort so that everything goes on as usual, despite fatigue and worries, mom needs to divide time equally for everyone. Also read bedtime stories to the eldest, play, kiss and hug him. If the first-born is already an adult, then he can be involved in the process of bathing, dressing a newborn, show that such help is invaluable to you, and you love your child even more!
3. As the children grow it is important to maintain fair neutrality. When screams and cries are heard from the nursery, you should not blame the firstborn for this, just because he is older. Such a model would be detrimental. Everything needs to be dealt with and punished fairly.
4. Help an older person express their feelings! Mom should explain that jealousy is normal, but you don’t need to scream, get angry and show aggression in order to show your importance and value. Speak words of love and support more often, talk about how independent, responsible and caring he has become.

Gradually develop the children's sense of affection for each other, let each of them be confident in parental love and support.

Work on bugs

It happens that the jealousy of a child at the birth of a second one is aggravated in the following cases:

• excessive concentration of attention around the newborn;
• older child fade into the background;
• uncontrolled pampering by relatives of the second child;
• lack of tactile contact between mother and firstborn;
• intentional generalization of children (same clothes, toys, gifts).

Parents should understand that every child is an individual that requires a certain amount of attention, care and love on their part.

The position of relatives will be unenviable when they all “dance” near the newborn, forgetting to give attention to the elder. The feeling of envy and jealousy that can be provoked by such behavior of adults over the years, as a rule, develops into aggression and alienation of children.

It is very important not to lose psychological contact and spiritual connection with the first-born when a second child appears. Also hug, caress, kiss him, spend time alone, communicate with him, answer all the questions that arise.

Yes, sometimes it will be difficult to do this, because the role of the pope in this situation is even more important. He should be there, help mom, be protection and support.

How to deal with child jealousy at home

1. Don't break established traditions. If you took your son or daughter to a circle, then try to do this further, let the appearance of a new baby not be reflected in the life of the older one.
2. Continue constant tactile contact with the first-born, at every opportunity, hug him, kiss him, say kind words, give love and tenderness.
3. Involve the first child in the care of the second. Let him help you bring a towel to the bathroom, open a diaper, apply shampoo. Or to cheer up the baby, sing a song, dance, make a grimace. Let him help choose a hat or panties for the baby. Such participation will positively affect the neutralization of children's jealousy.
4. Sometimes an older child may ask for a pacifier., sit on the potty, try not to refuse him such pranks. Believe me, such interest will disappear very quickly, and the first-born will begin to behave as usual.
5. Be sure to make time for your elders alone without distraction from the newborn. The child should not be disappointed by the cry of the youngest, indicating that an interesting game with his mother has already ended.

Of course, it is sometimes impossible to do without childish jealousy, but if you try, you can prevent the deplorable consequences of such negative behavior of the firstborn.

Remember, mother is the most important person in the life of every child, and therefore he should always feel her love and care. It depends only on us what children will become in the future and how they will get along with each other all their lives.

Patience to all, goodness and prosperity!

Video: Preparing an older child for the birth of a second

The behavior of jealousy is characteristic of a child from the first years of life: "I want to have my own and I will beat those who take it away from me." But the adult behavior of jealousy with characteristic phrases, intonations and muzzles, especially the experience of jealousy, is by no means innate or natural, it is already the result of social learning.

On the video where the girl is already in kindergarten jealous of the boy, the girl is just playing a role, trying on the adult role of a jealous woman. She still does not have a real experience of jealousy - it’s early, but soon everything will appear: if she plays this role often and well, then feelings will soon appear. That is, in this case, it is not feelings that cause the behavior of jealousy, but the role of jealousy in the case of a good game begins to cause feelings of jealousy.

Real life examples

Jealous of father

For quite a long time, the child has been reacting strangely to our tenderness with her husband (hugs, etc.). Immediately begins to whimper, wedged between us, if you try to push him away, it turns into a roar. What's this? Manipulation? Rejection of dad as claiming mom's attention? What to do?

Jealous of mother

The problem is not with us, with friends. Girl beats relatives for 2 years, incl. and mom, while saying "go away." Mom left, and the girl was put out of the room, it does not help. Dad looked at it through his fingers, she did not beat him. For the time being, because now hit him too. What can be done?

Jealous of brother

My eldest boy turned 3 years old, and another boy was born half a year ago ... "The Elder" was not very happy about this ... I was not ready to share my mother's and father's love with someone. Jealousy manifested itself almost immediately, although now, after six months, it is much less ... My husband and I are trying our best to pay more attention to the "Elder", but he is still offended, even if we just take the little one in our arms ...

Solution

Hug and kiss

Our daughter also often peeps at us kissing / hugging. Especially if we are lying at this time - he climbs under his father's hand and looks inquiringly into my face. In this case, I smile at her and, together with my dad, hug and kiss her)

Don't make a problem out of nothing

With the birth of a baby, the elder for some time painfully perceives the “invasion” of his territory. His famous role is that of a sufferer: every now and then he asks who they love more, asks to kiss him as many times as crying baby, carefully counting and "weighing" all portions of affection. Monitors the observance of rights and equality in the family. Do not force him to help the baby - the time of their friendship will come by itself. Do not count on older children in raising the younger ones - after all, this is your child, not theirs ... Voluntary care for a little one should be pleasant, become a reason for pride.

Both that and other child for you remain, first of all, children – not big, and not small. Do not say out loud that your daughter is "ALWAYS big, she can do everything herself." In fact, she is “YET STILL little, she is only 4 years old!” - this is exactly what you would say to your friends if the eldest child remained, as before, the only one. You still need each other. At the same time, both of them are your favorite children, albeit with DIFFERENT QUALITIES. Often problems are invented from scratch: do we love the baby more than we once loved the first-born or not? Forget about comparisons! Live here and now. Children cannot be loved equally - they are different people, because it is vain to compare the moon and the sun, day and night.

Perhaps the older one wants to stay a little in the place of the younger one, just as helpless: he will ask you for milk, a stroller for a ride ... Then he admits that this role is not beneficial for him - so much for the younger one to grow and grow to the age of his capabilities (and, by the way, never catch up!). Of course, at first there is a lot of fuss, disorganization, but over time, an optimal regimen, an individual lifestyle will be developed.

To each according to his needs

How to deal with jealousy? First, stop programming yourself for jealousy and other problems. If you believe that “3 years is the most unfortunate difference, especially for boys” (especially since, according to my observations, jealousy between girls is usually much stronger) - you will unconsciously record the slightest evidence of this very jealousy, pay attention to it, etc. P. It turns out that children will have an incentive to show this jealousy in order to attract their mother's attention ...

Second, what is jealousy? This is an INSUFFICIENT satisfaction of the need for another person. Therefore, first you need to try to determine what exactly is the NEED for you in each of their children. Agree that all children are different, therefore, their needs will also be different. And parents often strive to love their children equally, which stimulates jealousy.

Example: let's say one child loves halva, and for him the need to receive only this very halva from his parents. And the other one loves marshmallow, and for him only marshmallow will be happy. But parents strive to love their children equally, and give each of them 1 halva and 1 marshmallow. But the first child would dream of having ONLY halva. And he feels deprived, moreover, because of another child (he got the second halvinka!), Similarly, with the second child.

But if parents took into account the NEEDS of each kid, there would be no offense, everyone would get what they dreamed of ... I.e. for a child, the EQUALITY of showing attention from parents is not important, it is important for him that he receives SUCH attention that he needs.

Jealousy for the men of the mother

I have a 10 year old boy. We live together (no husband). Not a single man can even come close to me, a terrible attack of jealousy begins, almost with hysteria. What to do in such a situation? Tell me please.

I suggest: see the articles What to do if the child is against a new relationship, Acquaintance of a daughter with a new dad, How to competently tell an adult son that I am getting married. Important article - All the best - for adults, but about tantrums -