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Finding out the reason

A woman who finds out about the betrayal of a loved one is rarely able to think rationally. She is seized by mental pain, a flurry of negative emotions and many different thoughts, the main of which is "this is betrayal." Some are grief-stricken and endure, thereby allowing their husbands to repeat infidelities, some cut from the shoulder, not taking into account many factors that indicate the possibility of saving the family - such actions are not correct, the problem must be approached competently and consciously. In this situation, it is important to determine the reason why the man committed such an act. This largely determines the scenario for the further development of events:

1. 1. The state of alcoholic intoxication led to a one-time intrigue. In this case, betrayal may indicate a man's tendency to relationships on the side, his irresponsibility and promiscuity in sexual intercourse, then a relapse is very likely. If for a long time nothing of the kind was noticed behind him, it makes sense to forget this unpleasant event and forgive the partner. Psychologists recommend trying to discard subjective experiences and talk frankly with a man. Based on the experience of these relationships, knowledge about this person and his behavior after this act, one can understand how great the scale of betrayal is.
2. 2. Search for new sensations, because the wife is "boring" and does not evoke old feelings. This is a betrayal, but both are to blame. Relationships are a constant job for both men and women. It is hard work to be constantly attractive, desirable and interesting. A woman needs to give an objective assessment of herself as a partner. If the husband's relationship is short-lived and he repents, then a timely reaction can save the family and prevent the relationship on the side from developing.
3. 3. Lack of sex life with your spouse. This is also a betrayal, in which both are also to blame. Most often, intimate life comes to naught when a woman cannot afford it for health reasons - if she is pregnant, and the doctor has forbidden sexual intercourse or during periods of hormonal changes - the fairer sex at 50 years of age and older, going through menopause. The inventiveness of the couple in sexual relations plays a large role in the options for getting out of this situation.
4. 4. New love. This is the most serious reason for cheating and, according to statistics, the couple does not have a happy future. And living together after infidelity, even for the sake of children, does not make sense.

To find out the reason, you need to sincerely talk without undue emotions and reproaches. Defending himself, a man is able to show aggression and draw erroneous conclusions about the correctness of his action.

Often the reason for a man's betrayal is called a banal lack of attention from his wife and her neglected appearance.

Decision-making

When making a decision, you need to consider several important facts:

1. 1. Whether there is love is the main thing that can save a family. If life without a boyfriend does not seem possible and complete, and even after betrayal, they remain quivering, tender feelings- it makes sense to try to live together further and become happy.
2. 2. The presence of children. Many families maintained a marital relationship for the sake of their children, and this was the right decision. Over time, everything was forgotten and forgiven, the correct conclusions were drawn, and there was no more betrayal. But many others were not saved by common children, and then all family members suffered. If the spouses love each other and want to stay together, including because of the children, this is advisable. If the relationship has exhausted itself long ago, and cheating is just one of many problems, then it is better to survive the divorce and not force children to look at daily scandals and absorb this model of relationships.
3. 3. What connects (except love and children). This question is relevant for couples who have faced cheating after 30 years of marriage or more. Children have grown up, have created their own families, stormy passions have long been replaced by regularity and kinship. If the memory of the events of the common history is breathtaking and the thought of divorce is overwhelmed by melancholy - you need to live on. Sometimes couples associate common business, financial affairs and goals. Then, too, it is necessary to weigh everything before a responsible decision.
4. 4. With whom he cheated. The hardest thing to go through is cheating with a friend or other loved one. Then trust is lost immediately to two. But it is important to take the right lesson from the situation and, in the case of the husband's forgiveness, be more careful to let other women into the house.

What to do next

Surviving a husband's infidelity is difficult in most cases. A woman's self-esteem instantly drops and a desire for revenge arises. This normal reaction but malicious and meaningless. To recover from this event, you need to adhere to effective advice psychologist:

1. 1. If you betrayed and you can't forgive, you will help to survive the divorce:

• Being busy with interesting things - allowing yourself to go to dances, cooking classes, to art school - something that will help heal the soul and distract. In addition, new hobbies will expand the circle of communication.
• Women's joys - shopping, spa treatments, travel, vacations, etc.
• Healthy sleep is very helpful in recovering from stress.
• Change of image.
• Career focus.
• Communication with children. Surely it will be difficult for them to survive the divorce of their parents.
• Communication with a psychologist, psychotherapist, loved ones will help you not to go crazy. It is important to speak out and discuss the problem. Often, relief and interim solutions come on their own after a confidential conversation.

• The most important thing is to learn to trust your loved one again. The worst thing you can do is remember the betrayal, reproach your partner and suffer. The best thing is to devote more time to communication with each other, to understand where the relationship has weakened and to strengthen it. Talking to a man about his desires, asking directly disturbing questions, asking his opinion - any manifestation of sincerity will be beneficial. Checks, interrogations, suspicions, although natural in this situation, are inappropriate.
• Take care of yourself. Time at this difficult period need to spend on yourself. Update your wardrobe, regularly visit a beauty salon, buy sexy lingerie, get additional education, have a positive attitude towards the future and improve yourself in every possible way.
• Make the right conclusions: what could be the woman's fault (but not voice it to her husband, otherwise he may take it as an excuse for his adventures on the side), what can be expected from this man.
• Making love passionately. Many find it difficult to admit a person who has recently had an intimate relationship with another. But both need it. Firstly, liberation in bed increases the libido and self-esteem of the woman herself, and secondly, this is an occasion to know yourself and your body in a new way, to learn how to get more pleasure. Thirdly, any man will appreciate this, and the desire to look for a connection on the side will disappear.
• Add romance to relationships. A joint rose petal bath, candlelit dinner, city walks and passionate kisses will rehabilitate any relationship.
• Do not remember the past. Many believe that if you stop reproaching for treason, a man will decide that everything is possible for him and will repeat the betrayal. But this is a superficial judgment. In fact, a man will be haunted by a feeling of guilt, regardless of whether he is remembered about the misconduct or not. Only if the spouse shows wisdom and generosity, "forgetting" the unpleasant event, the man will appreciate it and will repent inside himself, trying to beg forgiveness of the partner with courtship and worthy actions.

No matter how events develop after the betrayal, you need to avoid falling into depression and despair. Life in any case continues, and one event should not negatively affect its quality.

For four months now. I don’t eat, I don’t sleep, I don’t cry anymore. My husband has a mistress. It would seem a banal story, but we lived happily for eight years. Six of them lived together, I could not have children, I have health problems.

But we went to this for a long time and persistently. I had eight operations, then IVF in St. Petersburg. A beautiful boy was born. But since last summer, my husband has rarely been at home, work, business trips, study. I am with the child all the time. And my husband needed "personal space". At home he only spent the night. And once a week, from Friday to Saturday, he steadily came in the morning. Walked with friends, so he said.

After a while, I saw a text message from a girl. She wrote that she loved him. He, of course, began to deny, they say, running after him, but what does he have to do with it? But the site I remembered her number and called. She told me that she had plans for my husband and she didn't care that he had a wife and infant... There was a scandal. But he did not confess, accused me of insanity. I wrote down her number, and somehow a couple of months later I went to WhatsApp and saw a photo on her avatar in an embrace with my husband. In general, I packed my things and went with the child to a rented apartment.

He asked to return, said that he had made a mistake and only loved us and the child. I lived in hell. I didn't see the road. I vomited violently every day for three weeks in a row. I lost 13 kg, and one morning I just could not get out of bed. I was pulled out only by the thought of the child. He came to us, asked to come back. And then I find out that he went on business trips with her, Moscow, Peter and she posted photos with him. Every time I died, learning new details. Then I found out that he went to her every night, the site while we lived in a rented apartment. Moreover, I did not look for this information, it itself went into my hands, as if on purpose.

Once again, I tried to talk to him. He called me to his home, and I saw he had a pack of condoms. I asked why are you lying to me? To which she heard that I was a fool, that I tortured him with suspicions that he had not had anything with her for a long time, he just went to talk to her. Idiocy in general. I called a taxi and drove home. But having reached the house, I went to her address. I did not know either the entrance number or the apartment number. I just went out at her house, and his car was already there. I called him and wrote, but he never came out. I filed for divorce. All my relatives and friends say that I need to forgive him, but he does not ask for forgiveness either. For some reason, everyone misses this moment.

I don't understand why he does this to me. This is mean and mean. I asked him why it happened, the site, what did I do wrong? In response, he says that he thought about it, and in general, he has no particular complaints about me. He just needed a drive. And I have only one complaint to him. Why was it necessary to torture a person he did not need for a whole year? After all, one could simply admit that he fell in love with another.

"Treason is terrible because it cannot be changed ..."

When such a sad event occurs in the family, indeed, we are no longer able to change the past, erase these memories from our memory.

And then what to do?

In order not to suffer in the present, and to go into the future without fear, you need to change your attitude to an already accomplished fact.
And first, you need to figure out what treason is and what it is like. After all, treason is a difference.

"Easy" type of betrayal. This is a kind of confluence of circumstances: a business trip, a meeting of friends, alcohol, which removes the "brakes", in which a man loses control over his behavior, and even an attractive girl who takes the initiative herself. And if there was a quarrel with his wife the day before, then the likelihood that a man will yield to such a temptation is very high. Then the man may not even remember the name or the face of this woman. He did not make plans with such an outcome of events.

In this case, the first thing to do is simply to accept masculine nature. First of all, male physiology. It is difficult for us women to realize this, but female and male sexuality are very different. In a normal healthy man, sexual desire can be caused by various stimuli, these are visual, auditory, and olfactory. And the sight of a sexually attractive woman in men causes sexual attraction twice as often as the sight of sexually attractive man among women.
Whether such a man will go further in his fantasies before their realization, of course, depends not only on the hormonal surge, but also on the degree of his responsibility, on his moral principles, but above all on family relations. Dissatisfaction in intimate relationships, misunderstanding, cooling of feelings - all this fertile soil for such betrayals.

The so-called situational-short-term betrayals can also include - erotic adventures... These are episodic meetings, the purpose of which is variety, getting new sensations. Here, for a man, not only the sexual attractiveness of a woman is important, but also the emotional experiences associated with such "adventures". Men who have such traits as creativity, originality, spontaneity, have a strong need for something new, and you cannot do anything about it, this is the nature of such men.
If everything is ordinary in the family, there is no variety, and the wife is a woman tortured by everyday worries, then such betrayal is inevitable. Although, such men are not going to ruin the family, but not getting this diversity in the family, they will look for it elsewhere. So what remains is only to accept as a given, this feature of a man, and will change itself, to become the same as him, spontaneous, original, unpredictable, to surprise him, and not to be, though beloved, but read a book.

Long-term relationship on the side, or as they are also called, fornication, are already characterized by the occurrence emotional attachment... This is already a real "love triangle" in which a man is torn between new love and responsibility for the family, for the children. The reason for this situation is, of course, family problems. If there are no mutual feelings in the family, then the lack of love is compensated on the side.
When the fact of such a relationship is revealed, then a woman who wants to keep the family must change very much. It is unlikely that such a double life of a husband could go unnoticed by a wife. Even on an intuitive level, a woman always feels changes in her husband's behavior. But instead of trying to change something in her family, in herself, a woman prefers to engage in self-deception, she is in illusions family well-being, while the husband's "love" relationship gaining momentum every day.

In general terms, we answered the question "Why do husbands cheat?" But in order to change your attitude towards what happened, you need to ask a completely different question.

So how do you stop running these painful memories in your head? And change your attitude? One way is to find something positive in the situation. And what can be positive about treason?

Perhaps your relationship with your husband has ceased to be harmonious, and cheating is the only shock therapy for your family so that you finally stop, analyze the relationship, and start improving it. And paradoxically, cheating may in the future be the basis on which you can build a completely different happy relationship.

Perhaps your relationship has exhausted itself, and somewhere in the world there is a person with whom your life will be truly happy, and the universe gave you this situation to speed up your meeting with that one and for life.

In any case, the world is so arranged that all living things strive for something better, for something happier, and we all come to this world to learn to be happy. Every situation in our life - this is a lesson.
No need to look for wine, the most correct questions that you need to ask yourself:

Why did this situation happen in my life?
What do I have to understand?
What should I learn?

Therefore, in order to change your attitude towards the fact of treason, you need to ask yourself a single question. "Why?"
Get out of this vicious circle of memories and the search for the guilty ones rather. Look for answers to the question "Why?"
Otherwise this "lesson" will haunt him all his life until we fully understand it….

For those who want to quickly get rid of the painful condition associated with their husband's infidelity, who wants to know true reasons cheating, who wants to find the answer to the question "Why did this situation happen in my life?" free audio training that you can get will help you

After the betrayal of a loved one, an emptiness arises in the soul, confusion and confusion settles in the heart, and one question beats in my head: "how to survive the betrayal" so as not to do things that you will then have to regret for a long time.

It is quite difficult to regain peace of mind after such an event, in addition, you need to decide how to live further, understand yourself and understand whether it is worth trying to restore the family.

What to do when you find out about cheating

• If the news has caused anger and resentment, try to calm down. To do this, you can drink a sedative or give vent to tears by closing in your room.
• Good for letting off steam physical exercise... Go to the gym or the pool and make the most of your workout. The main thing is to free yourself from hatred and anger, because they will begin to destroy you from the inside, and this will only make it worse.
• You do not need to listen to the advice of friends and acquaintances on how to survive the betrayal of your husband, you have an individual situation that you need to think about on your own.
• To do this, take the children to their grandmothers and leave the house for an indefinite time, let the husband think about where you disappeared.
• Live for a few days, put your feelings in order and decide how to live on.

You have two ways: to leave your husband forever, or to stay and try to forget what happened. Think about whether you are able to forgive your husband and live with him after his betrayal.

To make a decision, it is important to know whether the husband stumbled once or if he has a constant mistress to whom he can go. If a spouse repents, cuts off the phone and asks for it, you need to ask yourself: "how to survive betrayal and forgive your husband?"

Ways to calm down

When love remains in your soul and the thought of separation is unbearable, you should try to maintain the relationship. Indeed, both partners are often to blame for treason.

Maybe you stopped giving your spouse proper attention, you were too busy with work and friends, your husband felt lonely and stumbled. Therefore, when you are ready to talk, explain with your husband and find out what did not suit him.

• While you understand yourself, you should not cry and suffer around the clock, this behavior will not bring you good.
• When you are in great pain, and you do not know how to cope with your husband's betrayal, take care of yourself. This will distract you from unpleasant thoughts and give you confidence.
• Go to a beauty salon, change your hairstyle, dye your hair.
• Refresh your wardrobe, change your clothing style. These experiments will distract you from the constant thoughts of treason and will not allow you to turn into a tear-stained martyr.
• It's good to go on vacation. If possible, go to the sea for a few days or visit another city. A change of scenery will calm the soul and give strength.
• Try to forget for a while about your husband and his betrayal, this will restore inner harmony.

An important conversation

When you have the strength to talk with your spouse, return home and amaze your husband with a wonderful appearance and self-confidence. Most likely, he expects to see you broken and depressed and will be discouraged to meet a dazzling beauty who does not sob or cry.

If before that he had thoughts of leaving you, seeing a gorgeous woman in front of him, he will understand that you, too, will not be left alone, and most likely will change his plans.

• Sit together and sort out the reasons that prompted your spouse to cheat. Have him explain what he was not happy with in the relationship, and discuss the possibility of reconciliation.
• When betrayal is not included in the system, the husband sincerely regrets, and you do not want to leave, forgive your spouse.
• If you decide to rebuild your family, important condition how to survive a husband's betrayal is sincere forgiveness.
• Do not stir up the past, do not remind a man of betrayal, start life from scratch. This is the only way to count on happy marriage, in which there will be no mutual reproaches and grievances.
• When to immediately find mutual language does not work, do not dwell on the problem. Instead, find something you like to do that will take up all of your time. This will not allow you to constantly think about betrayal and produce resentment in your soul.
• Do not persecute your husband or beg to return. Let him see that you can live without him and remain happy. When a wife does not tie to herself and does not make scenes, most men begin to understand that they have lost, and they themselves try to return to the family.

What absolutely should not be done

After betrayal, irritation and rage does not let go for a long time. The woman suffers, experiences and gradually the stress begins to destroy the body. Insomnia occurs, blood pressure rises, headaches torment.

From nervous stress, diseases of the stomach and other organs develop, so it is very important to pull yourself together and extinguish hatred. After all, your husband's misconduct is not worth your health. Think about your children and yourself. You need health in order to live on, raise children and become happy again.

When there are children in the family, the breakup is much more painful, because the child loves the parents equally and suffers greatly during their quarrels.

• If dad and mom temporarily do not live together, do not demand from the child not to communicate with the father, do not turn the baby against him. Whatever happens between you, he will always remain the dad for the children that they need. The child's psyche is delicate, the child can get sick from nervousness, so do not drag him into your showdown and never say that the father is bad.
• Drive away the desire for revenge. This feeling will not be satisfying if realized. Do not try to spite your husband, too, to cheat with the first comer. After that, self-shame will be added to resentment and bitterness. You can calm down by changing the environment and completely occupying yourself with some business.

Alcohol and pills

It is important not to become addicted to alcohol. A glass of wine is not much, after which it becomes light and pleasant in the soul. But in an attempt to relieve internal pain, you can start taking this medicine all the time, which is very bad. Even the most beautiful man is not worth your health and such suffering.

You should not get carried away with sedative pills either. They can be drunk once or twice to recover from the news of the betrayal, but you cannot build it into a system. From this. You will need more pills every day to get your nerves in order. And in a few months you can turn into a drug addict.

Nervous stress

In some women, after betrayal, nervous stress begins. And even thoughts of killing yourself come to mind. This is the worst thing that can happen. Try to understand that everything in the world is interconnected and this test was given to you for a reason.

Perhaps it was sent to appreciate the new life partner who will definitely appear to give joy and happiness. If getting rid of bad thoughts is difficult, and you do not know after your husband's betrayal, visit a professional psychologist. A specialist will help restore your peace of mind.

• Remember, divorce will not save you pain. It takes time to heal.
• Have not yet figured out how to get through the betrayal quickly.
• You can try to speed up the process with yoga classes. They relax well and return peace and quiet to the soul.
• If the current situation is like a terrible dream for you, and you dream of waking up and returning to your past life, you need to forgive all insults to your husband and start all over again with him. When he wants the same, rebuilding a family is easy. You just need to be honest with each other and explain yourself directly. Listen to your spouse's wishes, voice yours and try to do family life such that the thought of treason never occurred to a man.

How to behave after reconciliation

1. To do this, you need to devote more time to your appearance. Reset excess weight, do beautiful hairstyle and always greet your husband with a smile.
2. Try to scold your spouse less. Let him relax in your company after work for an interesting conversation or a movie, and not listen to the grumbling or claims of his wife.
3. In an intimate relationship, it is better to be liberated and try everything that the husband wants, otherwise he may go to look for what he wants on the side. This is how their nature works.
4. Try to share the interests of your husband, be a fun, beautiful, contented life, and you will succeed.
5. The main thing is that the desire to restore the marriage was mutual. If the husband does not have it, and he agreed to return to the family out of despair, then the situation will repeat itself again. And again pain, disappointment, tears ...
6. Every woman who has gone through betrayal has her own recipe for surviving her husband's betrayal, but the basic rule remains the same - the ability to forgive mistakes. This is the only way to start a new happy life.

Ekaterina Holod
family psychologist, gestalt therapist, instagram blog @psyholod

Cheating is harder for men

- How often do people who find it difficult to cope with treason turn to you?

- Yes, enough. By my specialization, I am a family psychologist and, indeed, often deal with confused relationships with clients in a love triangle, difficulties of mutual understanding and infidelity as well.

The topic of cheating is actually much more relevant than they say. After all, she is, shall we say, ashamed. Few are willing to admit that it happened once. People try to survive everything in themselves, to cope on their own and thus often trigger the problem even more.

- And who comes with this question more often: men or women?

- I think it used to be more women, and now - more and more men come. Perhaps this is because the representatives of the stronger sex, in principle, have ceased to be ashamed of visiting psychologists. This is no longer considered strange.

- It is more difficult for representatives of what gender to endure cheating?

- As a rule, it is more difficult for men. Women are more emotional, but this emotionality helps them cope with stress. The reaction can be very violent: screams, tears, accusations - the fairer sex internally process the nuisance and move on. By the way, according to statistics, women and divorces experience less emotional trauma.

In addition, think for yourself, society rarely condemns a woman who has been cheated on by her husband, this is a more or less common situation. But if a man is cheated on by his companion, this is already a ground for ridicule. So, something is wrong with the man. Often, therefore, gentlemen are in no hurry to share their resentment and pain with friends, while crying on a friend's shoulder and releasing all the negativity for women is a common thing.

- It so happens that a woman suspects a partner from scratch and partly concocts an imaginary betrayal, from which she suffers ...

- You know, nothing ever arises from scratch. Women's intuition, coupled with natural observation, often provides many clues. There are simply times when a problem of unprecedented proportions is inflated from some trifle. And this is a completely different story.

It's important not to ignore the problem and your feelings.

- What is the reaction of a person to treason?

- Cheating, especially unexpected, is stress (we exclude couples who deliberately choose a polygamous, free relationship). And we all react differently to stressful situations.

It can be hysterical with tears (which is more typical for women), and aggression, anger (more typical for men), perhaps also withdrawal from the problem, unwillingness to talk, leaving the apartment.

A protracted refusal to accept the situation and their own feelings about this is not excluded. Probably, this is the most dangerous reaction, because when you ignore the problem, try to drive it deep into yourself, negative emotions often manifest themselves later on the physical plane in the form of diseases.

Still, it is worth distinguishing between refusal and calm reflection on the situation. You don't have to beat the cymbals. Internal reflections are also processing of the negative. And this is one of the ways to solve the problem.

- Can cheating lead to depression?

- The very fact of betrayal is not enough for depression. There must be concomitant reasons. For example, when a person knows, guesses that he is being cheated on, and is in such a situation for a long time... Or if a person is constantly being cheated on, and he forgives because he loves a lot, or rather depends on another because of children, for financial or other reasons. The fact of treason is just one of a combination of factors.

Negative attitudes lead to a repetition of an unpleasant situation

- Fear of betrayal, sometimes unfounded, where does it come from?

- Most often this is a negative experience from past relationships, low self-esteem ... Today, they often talk about the influence of the parental behavior model, when a father or mother left the family because of a third person. But I don't think this is an axiom. Not all people with this experience are afraid of repeating the scenario in their family.

Of course, parenting behavior strongly affects each of us. But don't get hung up on the negative. It's easier to choose your own path without unnecessary fear, which many do. A person who blames his parents for everything, even for the fact that his personal life has failed, simply has not grown up yet and is trying to shift responsibility for his own destiny onto others.

- Can treason serve as an impetus for a new better life?

- Positive change is not due to the fact that you have been betrayed. It's just that treason triggers a mechanism for reassessing values, when the realization comes that, in addition to relationships that were given too much strength, there are other areas of life that are interesting and exciting. And you can develop in them too, they bring pleasure (career, children, hobbies, travel, and so on).

But it also happens in a different way, when attitudes appear in my head: "I am a loser", "All men are goats", "All traitors." If you allow such attitudes in yourself, the repetition of unpleasant situations automatically occurs.

Whoever broke, to build

- If someone in a couple begins to feel burdened by the relationship and as a result some kind of affair appears, with the correct behavior of the other side, the preservation of the union is possible. Sometimes, in the mind of the traitor himself, a serious reassessment of values ​​occurs. Feelings can even flare up with renewed vigor.

- What does correct behavior mean?

- It is, of course, conditionally correct. There is no clear, perfect plan of action. However, I would recommend the following:

• Offer the traitor a breakup. Even if you don't want to.

If you are being treated unacceptably, it is important to show that you disagree. Demonstrate that you are ready to let go of your partner, since he is missing something. Otherwise, subconsciously, your forgiveness will be perceived by a person as something self-evident and may even turn into a system.

• Distance yourself. If there is an opportunity to leave, that's great. If not, at least move to a separate room, in general, limit your territory.
• You should not immediately run to the pharmacy for antidepressants. It is better to talk to a loved one, try to distract yourself. If you feel that you are really bad, contact a psychologist.
• Remember, who broke, so and build. If you are dear to a person, he will try to bring you back. I do not advise devoted people to try to restore relations on their own. The likelihood of returning to the same bondage is too great.

• Accept the fact of betrayal and the fact that, perhaps, a loved one chose a different fate. Love cannot be returned by force or by persuasion. Let go, it hurts and difficult, but it needs to be done.
• Never take the blame on yourself. Often people begin to think and say: “I was a bad wife”, “I didn’t provide enough for her”, “I have a terrible character and all because of this”. But some even (if we take men as an example) begin to load a woman with gifts, make surprises, apologize, and so on.

You cannot reinforce negative actions of a person with positive ones. At the very least, this can lead the companion to think that he is loved only when he is cheating. All this happens, of course, unconsciously. The more difficult it is to dissuade him. It's like with Pavlov's dog: action and reinforcement of reaction. In many ways, we ourselves form the habits of our partner.

• Don't pretend. If you feel that you cannot forgive, say so: "I cannot yet, I need time." And in fact, each of us needs time to adapt to the situation, to understand something important for ourselves. And all this time is different.
• Difficult but efficient way:try to shift your focus to something else. It is, however, difficult, something from the category: "We need to eat more vegetables and fruits." Everyone knows - only a few do it.

And yet, try to get emotionally involved in other activities: find a hobby, propose a new project at work, play sports, pay more attention to children, the main thing is that it really captures you.

Ask yourself: Do you love your partner too much or are you too dependent on him?

- They say that you can forgive only once.

- You can forgive as much as you like. The question is how long can you forgive. Any patience comes to an end sooner or later. When accepting a person again, remember: the new relationship must become qualitatively different. You forget the old, do not remember, and even more so do not reproach your companion with the fact of treason and start the story from scratch. But if everything returns to normal, is it worth twisting this barrel organ endlessly? Not sure.

- In what cases is it better to leave forever?

The second option is regular cheating. If you are constantly betrayed, and you forgive - how can you talk about strong bonds? Even if you convince yourself that you just love your partner too much. Rather, you are too dependent on it. After all, of good will, hardly anyone will agree to such an appeal. By the way, there are people who are like that by nature. They are drawn to the left all the time, and they cannot, and sometimes they simply do not want to change something.

I am not a supporter of immediately applying for a divorce if the couple are together for a long time, if there are children and a lot in common. True, you should not rush, but even in such a situation, in order to protect yourself, to show that you cannot do this, you must offer parting, at least just offer, show that you are ready for this ending. Such a reaction works like a cold shower for a traitor, he begins to understand that the game is a game, but everything can be destroyed.

Due to their naivety, some people agree to an open relationship, to love triangles, all sorts of experiments, hoping that over time the chosen one will understand that he was wrong, and will abandon all nonsense. But miracles usually don't happen. If you are internally not really ready for such a relationship, it is better not to start it.

- And how do the traitors feel?

- Most of them sooner or later feel guilty. It does not exist only in those situations when a person, even before the betrayal, decided that the old relationship has become obsolete and there are no more feelings for the former partner. But if there is even the slightest doubt, guilt is a constant and sometimes tormenting companion. But it is the traitor who is subject to the resurrection of relations. We are all wrong, a person should always have a second chance.