Svetlana Kalaida

There are never any punishments in a good family, and this is the most correct way of family education.

A. S. Makarenko.

When raising children, parents daily resort to one or another method of education. Be it punishment or reward.

The usual method of influence is punishment with a belt, which requires neither effort nor much time, the only method of discipline that is widely recognized and understood by parents is the least useful of all conceivable methods of education.

Is it necessary to punish with a belt at all, because this is already violence, it can cause psychological trauma to the child for life.

Punishment with a belt is not only dangerous for the health of children, but also negatively affects their intellectual development.

When raising a child with physical punishment, parents should think about who they will raise in the future.

Encouragement is a more effective educational tool than punishment. Punishment only stops bad actions, and encouragement focuses on good actions.

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The issues of raising a child worry parents even before he is born. They are trying to determine their line of behavior, thinking about whether to punish the baby, if so, at what age, whether to use rewards and how often.

Belt as a means of education

In search of solutions, parents rely on the experience of relatives, acquaintances, neighbors, turn to specialists, remember how they were brought up in childhood. An urgent issue is the use of a belt in the upbringing of children, the opinions of psychologists and educators differ here.

Some argue that the use of a belt is anti-pedagogical, while others take its side. They assure that physical education will benefit, discipline the child.

Many parents use punishment when verbal persuasion has dried up. No persuasion helps, and the parents grab the belt. According to psychologists, such actions are the lot of weak, speechless, mentally limited people. Bringing up with a belt humiliates the child as a person, often inflicting great mental trauma on him.

Teachers urge parents to use the word in raising children, arguing that the belt is not a pedagogical method.

Looking back, everyone could admit to himself that the desire to pick up a belt and flog a child arose at least once. Someone realized it, and someone remained tormented by doubts, remembering pedagogical morality.

Is a belt acceptable in raising children? There is no single answer to this question, although the majority are against it. As a method of education, the belt is not welcome. Yes, with its help, the child begins to obey unquestioningly, fulfills all the requirements. But as soon as the belt is put aside, insubordination returns, sometimes in a more aggressive form.

No one denies the need for punishment, but you don’t need to grab the belt right away. Try to convince with a word, alternate punishment and encouragement. Remember that the ultimate goal is to educate the individual.

Is there any use of a belt in raising a child? Certainly not. Scientists have proven the futility of physical punishment.

Raising children with a belt leads to:

• to slow development;
• the emotionality of children decreases;
• often the ability to think sensibly disappears;
• they adjust their behavior to the circumstances;
• inadequacy in actions is traced.

It has been proven that parental upbringing with a belt leads to intimidation of the child, a disciplined person grows up, but often does not have his own opinion, afraid to express his point of view.

Is it possible to strict upbringing of girls with a belt? Naturally, it is impossible to punish the baby in this way, however, indulging her whims is also not recommended. Find an approach to it. If you hurt her feelings in such a trivial way, you will lose respect in her eyes, and the problem will still remain unresolved. Support, understanding from the mother works better than any punishment. Talk to her, explain what is wrong with her behavior, teach the girl with words.

Is a belt acceptable in the upbringing of sons?

This method of parenting shows your helplessness as a parent. You need to influence your son with a word, persuasion, and even better with your own positive example. Conversations, perhaps, achieve better results than beatings. Using a belt, some believe that the baby is so understand better, however, with each blow, he realizes less and less, he becomes embittered, he has a growing fear of his parents, which over time can develop into a fear of everyone around him.

At first, it seems that the belt in raising boys disciplines them, but this is a common misconception. He does harm emotional development child, kills him as a person.

Paternal parenting with a belt video:

Do not raise children by beatings, use affection, kindness, then a normal, adequate person will grow up, comprehensively developed personality. Remember that violence breeds violence.

In the opinion of 8% of Russians, a belt is a necessary way of raising children, and 58% of our compatriots consider physical impact for the purpose of education justified only in exceptional cases. Interestingly, this opinion is unanimously shared by both residents of the Russian Federation with and without children. But among men, there are much more categorical supporters of assault: 11% of men and only 5% of women said that the belt is a “necessary method of education”.
About a third (34%) of Russians consider physical punishment of children unacceptable in principle.

Total sample size: 1800 respondents.

Customer: radio station "Police wave".

Study population: the economically active population of Russia aged 18 years and older.

Question: Do you think methods of physical influence (slap, slap, belt) are acceptable as a way of raising children?

The answers of the respondents were distributed as follows:

Respondents' comments:

Yes, it is a necessary method of education

“This is how my parents raised me. It worked out quite well."

“I don’t think there are many parents who have never punished their children. I'm not saying that you need to hit until you lose your pulse, but in some cases you need to be tough. If, contrary to suggestions, he puts carnations into the socket or crawls under the wheels of a departing car, he will get hit in the ass.

"The child must understand that there will be punishment for misconduct, and not just talk - physical punishment should be more offensive than sick."

Only in exceptional cases

“My child is a real devil, and this is not even due to concessions in education, just genes. Sometimes a good spank - the only way impact."

“Our children have become so painfully receptive, therefore, first of all, we need to act with persuasion and persuasion, but it is in exceptional cases that “one blow replaces 100 hours of political work.”

“Theoretically, I am against physical punishment, but in practice ... it happens that the nerves can not stand it. I can say, as a mother of two children, that each child is born with his own character and he himself suggests which methods are best suited for his upbringing. From birth, the eldest son responds to shouting, spanking, punishment with even greater whims, protests, insults, and even worse behavior. Since he began to understand human speech well, the most basic method of influencing him was persuasion, explanation, and persuasion. And sometimes you can’t stop the youngest with anything but a slap ... "

“This is not a method! Unfortunately, words don't always work. And if the nerves fail ... therefore, "unpopular" measures are used.

No, I consider corporal punishment in principle unacceptable.

“I’ve been beaten since childhood, a lot: it hurts and it doesn’t hurt, in any way. Especially during the school period. My mother demanded a lot from me. It doesn't help understanding. Hardens. It's horrible. It doesn't give anything. I didn't get better, I didn't get worse. When was mine born younger brother, he also got it - both from my mother and from me. I'm so sorry that I was aggressive and intolerant. I just had no other model of behavior before my eyes. I responded with what I received. Thank God in adulthood I missed it…”

“Children are our reflection. If you don't like how you look today, you don't break the mirror, do you?"

“For some reason, in a conversation with adults, we do not use the belt as an argument, no matter how stupid they are, but we initially put children in a dependent position, immediately showing that they have no right to have their own opinion? What kind of personality will grow in this case?
“The most valuable thing in life is the freedom of the individual. Any violence is unacceptable, because. the child is small, but the personality! And everything that is laid down in childhood forms an adult! And... beloved children should be spoiled!”

“A Man has been born! It is necessary from the first day of birth to be equal to him. Yes - it's a great job to raise your child as a person worthy of being him. You need to be tolerant of him at any age, convincing him of something only with your good example, tact and word.

"Corporal punishment is carried out, as a rule, by people with insufficient intelligence - or people with pathological psychoses ... which, in principle, are the same thing."

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Belt as a way of education

Two-thirds (66%) of Russians consider physical impact to some extent an acceptable way to raise children!

PUNISHMENT DOES NOT GIVE THE CHILD AN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS IN EFFECTIVE AND HUMANE WAYS. The punished child becomes obsessed with feelings of malice and fantasies of revenge. Consequently, a punished child will not be able to learn much of what is necessary to manage and prevent similar situations in the future.

Physical punishment breaks the bond that exists between parent and child, as a person cannot love someone who hurts him. The true spirit of cooperation and mutual understanding that all parents strive for can only arise when there is affection between people based on mutual feelings of love and respect.

PUNISHMENT, EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS TO HAVE RESULTS, CAN ONLY ATTRACT SURFACE FEAR-BASED BEHAVIOR THAT IS POWERFUL ONLY UNTIL THE CHILD IS GROW AND CANNOT RESPOND. On the contrary, cooperation based on respect can last forever, leading to many years of mutual happiness as the parents and child grow older.

WHAT ARE THE METHODS OF EDUCATION WITHOUT THE USE OF FORCE?

Method of conversation or persuasion. This method can be applied in the upbringing of children of different ages and with any character. During the conversation, the parent explains and argues how to behave in a given situation, finds out the motives for the child's behavior. The tone of the parent's speech during the conversation should be calm, confident, firm. Even one-year-old babies who cannot answer listen carefully to the parent, reacting to intonation.

The time-out method, when the baby is left alone for a while, forbidding to do anything and not communicating with him. In families where time-out punishment is widely used, as a rule, there is a specially designated place where the baby is left for a while, it can be a chair, a bench, a corner, getting into this place, the child begins to understand that he has done a bad deed and punished for it.

The penalty may be a fine. For a bad deed, you can take one of the baby's toys, you can prohibit watching cartoons or films, and reduce the time of games. DO NOT USE AS A PENALTY ACTIVITIES THAT THE CHILD SHOULD DO WITH PLEASURE. For example, make him read or write, clean the room, wash the dishes. This will lead to the fact that the child will perceive these actions as extremely unpleasant and will avoid performing these processes. A PENALTY MAY BE DEFINITION OF SWEET OR OTHER TASTIES (but not food) If a child has done something necessary and good, he should always be praised, express his gratitude, it can be a smile, kiss, hugs, pleasant words “You are smart, well done, right doing” or another action that causes pleasant sensations and positive emotions in the baby. For example, a child washed the dishes, praise immediately after the process is a reinforcement, and a promise to go to the park with him is a reward.

Method "1-2-3". An effective method of education in those situations when it is necessary to immediately stop the bad behavior of the child. The method consists in the fact that the parent makes a remark to the child about his behavior and begins to count up to three, if at the end of the count the child does not stop misbehaving, punishment follows. The method is used with children older than two years. Counting to three and making intervals between the numbers for several seconds (4-6 seconds), the parent gives the child a chance to change their mind, change their behavior and get out of the situation without punishment. If the kid does not respond to the comments of an adult and continues to misbehave after counting "3", the punishment must be carried out. Using this method, parents need to remain calm and not lose self-confidence, the score must be clear, the voice must be confident, if the child understands that the parent is “on edge”, then he can continue his actions, in the hope that he will be able to achieve his goal.

Don't forget: children are for parents, and the belt is for trousers!