Parents dream build trusting relationships with your children. How to do it right? How to bring your own child closer and not push it away from you? Raising children is a difficult task. The main thing is not to miss important points and be his friend. There are 10 easy steps to strengthen your bond with your child.

Step 1 - words of love

A child needs love and affection at any age. Do not forget to him that you love and cannot imagine life without him. Just 3 words "I love you" can create a miracle. Say them regularly, even in moments of quarrels and.

Step 2 - Inheritance of Faith

Pass on your faith and family traditions to your child. Tell us about your ancestors, your religion, any established family traditions. Believe me, it will be very interesting for him to learn about everything that happened to his grandparents and other relatives.

Step 3 - baby nickname

All children remember that in childhood they were affectionately called "hare", "sun" and other words. Come up with your own special nickname for the baby. It will help build a close bond between you. And for a teenager, set a special code word that only you and he will know. You can use it in unpleasant situations as a signal for help.

Step 4 - Sleep Ritual

An intimate bond between parents and children is also established before bedtime. With toddlers, it can be reading fairy tales while hugging. With teenagers, a short conversation about the past day, a kiss before rest. Even a simple phrase Goodnight, sun!" close and soothing.

Step 5 - Do Housework Together

Psychologists call teamwork a good option for setting up relationships with children. This means asking for help with the housework. Children will be happy to help wash the floor, vacuum, go for bread, carry a bag of groceries. Don't be shy and don't forget to ask them for help. And general cleaning in the apartment by common forces - the best way when building mutual understanding between parents and their child.

Step 6 - Co-op Games

More often play with children in all kinds of mobile, board, theatrical games. Show interest in his hobbies and support in this. If a child sees in your behavior an indifference to him, then he will happily sing, dance, learn a verse, play in a skit.

Step 7 - gathering at the table with the whole family

The communication of all family members at the table will not replace any other activities. At such moments, the shown participation to everyone gives rise to mutual understanding between parents and children. Just be interested in the day passed, the emotions received at school and other institutions. This will help you get a little closer to each other.

Step 8 - Rest Together

Be creative in planning a joint weekend. Easy walk to fresh air, going to the cinema, visiting attractions, going to the forest for mushrooms are ideal ways to make contacts. Children appreciate the time spent with their parents. And if it is also interesting, then success in building relationships is guaranteed.

Step 9 - Respect Choice

Do not show your dissatisfaction with the child's choice of this or that clothes, toys. Even if you don't like it, be reasonable and support him.

Step 10 - Sincerity in Relationships

Children need to feel important in your life. So, sort out your priorities. Be sure to leave the children at the very top. Show sincerity, genuine care and attention to your kids. They feel this keenly and are very worried if they do not receive the attention they deserve.

By following these simple rules, Everyday life you can easily make beautiful friendly relations with own children. Moving on the same wavelength with teenagers is a chance to become not just good parent, but a real friend who you can trust and not be afraid of publicity. Children always, at any age require attention. Get a little closer to your young, dear child. And the child will certainly reciprocate, sincerity, trust and love.

Video how to improve relationships with a child

Attention! The use of any medicines and dietary supplements, as well as the use of any medical methods, is possible only with the permission of a doctor.

Relationships between them cannot develop on their own, like an educational pyramid toy, which, perhaps, every adult had in childhood. To build a pyramid of rings, you need to string them in a certain sequence - from the largest to the smallest.

So it is with relationships. They usually need to be worked on. Most moms and dads will agree with this statement.

Psychologist and educator Tatyana Korostyshevskaya suggests presenting the relationship between a child and an adult as a special psychological pyramid, each ring of which symbolizes a certain aspect in the relationship between a parent and his child.

The core of this pyramid will be the process of interaction between a child and an adult in any of its forms. Joint game, or modeling, school preparation homework, cleanliness in the apartment, a regular walk - it can be absolutely any action performed with the child together.

In order to build a pyramid, it is necessary to string rings on the rod, from largest to smallest. Only then will we get the “pyramid effect”.

Let's figure out what exactly and how to do so that the central axis of your interaction with the child turns into a full-fledged pyramid.

In the view of Tatyana Korostyshevskaya, the pyramid rings look like this: from larger to smaller:

1. Self-awareness
2. Awareness of one's own feelings
3. Understanding the child
4. Understanding the child's feelings
5. Sharing emotions
6. Satisfaction with communication

Let's look at each "ring" separately.

1. Self awareness

The basis of the pyramid, or the foundation of building relationships, is the understanding of one's own "I". Realize your role. Understand that you are not only a parent, you are a person, and also an “inner child” lives in you.

To meet your "I-child" it is enough to remember your own. What made you happy and what disappointed you when you were a child? What were you interested in doing and what bored you? What fears did you experience?

Self-awareness is the basis on which a good relationship with a child is built.

In order to meet face to face with your I-child, remember all the attitudes in the relationship between parents and children that were and are in your family. What did your parents teach you? And what attitudes are you trying to pass on to your children now?

Realize your personality. Consider:

• what is your world view?
• What kind of relationship do you have with people, with the world around you?
• what are your goals?
• What is stopping you from achieving these goals?
• what inspires you? Where do you get strength?
• what would you like to do for others?

Understanding one's own "I" great value, because all these aspects directly affect the process of communication between us and the child, and form a certain focus of your actions.

2. Awareness of one's own feelings

Being aware of your own feelings will not only help you better understand yourself and analyze your attitude towards own child but also teaches you to control these feelings, to experience them, to cope with them. And this applies not only to you, but also to the child. If you are in any life situation are able to admit their feelings to themselves, the child, looking at you, will learn to do the same.

If you think that you are aware of your feelings and know how to control them, consider that the second ring of the pyramid has been successfully strung on the rod.

3. Understanding the child

By this "ring" is meant everything that is connected with social and age characteristics, his needs, desires, interests, abilities. Ask yourself questions and try to find answers to them:

• what can your child do?
• what can't, and why?
• how does he do what he can?
• What is easy for him and what is difficult?
• How does he react to success and failure?
• What does he love and what does he hate?

If you were able to answer all the questions, then this ring turned out to be on the axis, and we can move on.

4. Understanding the child's feelings

Understanding your child's feelings important condition to build a relationship with him. After all, you can control his activity and try to direct it in the right direction only if you fully understand how your child feels at one time or another.

There are no perfect people, and you, most likely, cannot be called perfect either.

In order to string the fourth ring on the pyramid, teach the child to express them, live them to the fullest and direct their energy in the right direction in order to achieve their goals without harming themselves.

Putting the fifth ring on the rod of the pyramid of relationships is very easy and at the same time difficult. Parents need to accept their child as he is, along with all his virtues and - more difficult - his shortcomings. Always remember that there are no perfect people, and you, most likely, cannot be called perfect either.

6. Sharing emotions

The sixth ring is one of the most important. To deal with it, realize that at the heart of all our activities are always emotions. It is under their influence that we commit certain actions. But the most important thing is the opportunity to share our emotions with a loved one, because only when there is someone nearby who is able to understand us, listen to us, sincerely rejoice at our happiness or, on the contrary, sympathize, we can cope with absolutely any situation.

Do not be indifferent to the child - and then he will learn empathy

Live with your child all his emotions, share his joys and experiences, and then he will not only learn to cope with all his feelings, but also realize how important it is, how important sensitivity and understanding between loved ones are, what security the feeling of that you are not alone and you have someone to share all the happy and sad moments of life with. This invaluable experience will be remembered forever.

7. Satisfaction with communication

The topmost ring of the pyramid is what we were striving for, gradually creating it, the meaning of the idea itself, the result that we wanted to get. We have motivation only when we see what we are striving for. The brain remembers moments that bring us pleasure, and when a similar stimulus appears, it reacts positively. Therefore, if you communicate with your child openly and joyfully, trying to enjoy this communication, your relationship will bring real happiness to you and your children. And this is essential for the formation of a healthy personality in your children.

Victoria Kotlyarova

Question for psychologists

Good afternoon! My name is Maria, I have two children in my family, one is 3.5 years old, the other is 5 years old, there have always been problems in relations with my eldest daughter, she absolutely does not obey, does not hear and does not want to hear my requests, she reacts very aggressively to refusal, screams, and freaks out. I tried both calmly and in a raised tone and on the priest, but when it happens in extreme measures, it causes aggression in her, shows her tongue, spits, very often, since the difference between the daughters is small, they are constantly in the game, they just they ignore me, for example, put on sandals, or call me to eat, and any requests, the eldest daughter is not very affectionate, for me, she doesn’t need anyone at all, as by herself, she doesn’t want to communicate, even just say hello to her grandmother on Skype, turns away or runs away, is self-willed, I say enough sweets for today, so she still finds and drags quietly, if they bought a toy she has enough for 1 day, and doesn’t want to play anymore, I’m not a working mother, I raise daughters, went to work for half a year and quit , to sit them down to do something, for example, modeling, or mosaics, this is a problem, before the eldest daughter, with pleasure, worked with me, was engaged in the development of the child, read a lot, walk every day, the child has no shortage of anything, a bicycle, a scooter, roller skates, we always walk and rest with the whole family, we live as one family, grandmothers and grandmothers do not live with us. Without children, nowhere, there is no one to leave with, we take it everywhere with us, that is, the interests of children are my interests, everything for the sake of the most beloved.

Hello Maria! what is the punishment system? it turns out that the daughter completely rejects your authority as a mother, as a parent - you see it, you know, she sees it, she knows - BUT YOU DO NOTHING! you know that there is a ban on sweets - she has already eaten enough - BUT - she continues to carry them and no one forbids her - i.e. she gets used to the fact that you can always get around your mother, that you can show your stubbornness, start to hysteria, and this scares your mother, the daughter sees that you do not see the strength and confidence in yourself in order to cope with this particular behavior of hers and therefore to him and comes running. Punishment is not physical, not swearing - all this will not help. There is a method of logical consequences - when the child realizes that FOR a certain action there will be a consequence - that it is the child who chooses this consequence - and the parent controls how this is carried out. For example, it's time to have lunch and put away the toys - she doesn't want to and doesn't put them away, she continues to play (she knows weapons against you!), then you offer her two options - either she will take them away and then after eating she will be able to play with them or you will take them away and then she will NOT see these toys until the next day - what she chooses - naturally, she will not believe you - because she has a means - screams, tears, tantrums - then YOU show your consistency and do as you said - she resorts to her weapon - and here it is IMPORTANT!!! withstand it - let her know that her tears, tantrums, do not frighten you and you are not going to give up - then everything depends on your sequence - if YOU are consistent and introduce this system, follow the implementation, then see how the behavior will change daughter - now SHE is the hostess, a small adult, playing it - and when you take your place as a parent and adult, only the place of a child will remain for her! For each situation, you can develop your own consequences - this will help the child realize - that she is responsible for her choices, that there are ALWAYS consequences - and you, as a parent, control this!

Maria, if you decide to figure it out - you can feel free to contact me - call - I will be glad to help you (you can write to the mail, I can send the authors of the book and the title, where you can read about it yourself).

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow

Good answer 1 bad answer 0

Maria, hello!

Cause of behavioral problems in children preschool age always associated with family relationships. The nature of the child-parent relationship directly affects whether the child obeys adults or not, whether he complies with the established rules, whether he shows aggression towards home and many others.

The child, being a priori dependent on adults, adapts to the situation existing in the family. Therefore, the behavior of your eldest (and younger) daughter directly depends on the reactions that follow. And in order to change behavior, you need to change some of your reactions...

I recommend that you, Maria, do not drag out the described problem and seek psychological help as soon as possible. The fact is that negative behavior is fixed, and the longer this situation is blabbed, the more difficult it will be to change the behavior of the eldest daughter. Moreover, this will gradually begin to influence the behavior of the youngest ...

In addition, it is important to understand that your daughter's disobedience negatively affects her development. she gets used to feeling "bad" all the time... And this affects the formation of low self-esteem, a guilt complex, and much more... What will emerge at a much more mature age! So in a way she needs your help! Not only do you suffer from her disobedience, but she too... Even without realizing it!..

To resolve the current situation, Maria, you need to contact a specialist, and the whole family come to the reception. One joint meeting will be enough for the psychologist to trace what in family interaction can lead to the behavioral problems you describe. Thus, it will be possible to determine the crus necessary to correct the behavior of the eldest daughter and improve your relationship with her!

Personally, I very often do this work with the help of play therapy. So if there is a desire - contact us!

Karamyan Karina Rubenovna, psychologist, psychotherapist, Moscow

Good answer 2 bad answer 1

, earlier the eldest daughter, with pleasure, studied with me, was engaged in the development of the child,

And what happened?

Go to a psychologist in real life with your daughter.

Skype consultation.

Ovsyanik Lyudmila Mikhailovna, psychologist Minsk

Good answer 3 bad answer 1

Good afternoon, Maria.

Perhaps this behavior of the eldest daughter is associated with jealousy. You can say: “Yes, there is no jealousy, we don’t give a reason, we are normal parents” - and yet, with such a difference in age, jealousy almost always exists. Given that you are with the children for a long time, the struggle and competition for the mother intensifies.

Have you tried to understand what the eldest wants? You write that she does not obey, does not follow your instructions. So she wants something different at this moment? What? Maybe your attention? Maybe being alone together, without the youngest?

Dialogue with the child is improved if parents try not only to push through their rules and guidelines, but also give the child the opportunity to express their needs and try to realize them.

Based on what you've described, I think you have some boundary issues in your family, so there's a vicious circle: you deprive yourself of personal time for the sake of the children, and the children press on you even more, you deprive yourself even more and exhaust yourself, and they press even more.

All this needs to be dealt with in detail and build a way for the "survival" of parents and a way for the dialogue of children and parents, as well as their dialogue with each other.

Alla Chugueva, systemic family psychotherapist, Moscow or skype.

Good answer 2 bad answer 3

Hello Maria.

Something that immediately catches your eye.

The difference in the age of children. The eldest child loses all privileges with the birth of the second child in the family. If the age difference is less than 5 years, there is competition between children for the love and attention of their parents, especially if the children are of the same sex. Perhaps with her "bad" behavior, the daughter is trying to get your attention.

that is, the interests of children are my interests, all for the sake of the most beloved

Violation of the family hierarchy. When we talk about hierarchy, we are talking about dominance - submission. These concepts include not only the sphere of control, but also care. In each family, the distribution of parental authority may vary. For example, it can be matriarchy, if the head of the family is the mother, patriarchy, if it is the father, or parity, when the spouses agree on spheres of influence.

The close emotional bond between mother and child begins during prenatal development and persists throughout life.

From birth, parents are the only close people with whom the baby shares his successes and failures.

Parents, in turn, should always understand and help make the right decision.

Sometimes a son or daughter can behave secretively and closed, but this happens when there is no mutual understanding and harmony in relations between adults and children.

Gradually growing up, each child has his own views on life, interests, new friends, environment, while the desire and choice of the child is not always liked by the parents, which leads to misunderstanding, quarrels.

Such relationships will undoubtedly lead to many problems between very close people.

Why is this happening? And how to maintain and improve the relationship with the child.

Why is the relationship with the child broken?

Parents from birth are accustomed to take care and protect their child, and are not always ready to accept the fact that their baby is growing up, he has his own ideas, thoughts, desires, that he has the right to independently solve his problems and make decisions.

Constant control by adults causes irritation, suppression of the personality, as a result of which children, especially adolescents, reveal various kinds of protests with pronounced behavioral disorders.

It is not necessary to protect from various difficulties, this will lead to selfishness and unpreparedness for real life.

It should be noted that excessive control by relatives will not lead to anything good. It is necessary to control children, but it must be built on trust and mutual understanding.

How to maintain a good relationship with your child

It is necessary to form close relationships with the child from early childhood, when he begins to adapt to the world around him.

During this period, he needs the help of his parents more than ever, who must always find time to spend it together. Good relationships in the family will help to remain an authority and an example for the baby.

There are several tips on how to build a relationship with a child that will help build good relationships with children and not experience difficulties in parenting.

• Be sincere, respect his desire and opinion.
• Good deeds should be praised.
• Friendly conversations with the child.
• Honest and frank in communication. If the baby asks questions that parents do not want to discuss, you should try to keep the conversation going. Much better if he gets an honest answer from his parents than from friends or television.
• Compliance with the rules. Parents should establish several rules that should not be violated by their son or daughter. At the same time, he must feel full responsibility for violating these rules.
• Ability to negotiate. In cases where a child is denied his desires, and begins to act up or fall into tantrums, you should find another tempting activity that will help you forget about the previous interest.
• Children's personal space: their own room, which you need to enter only with a knock, personal belongings.
• Recourse. He should not feel a sense of fear when he addresses his parents.

If he commits bad and rash acts, they should not be punished, and there is no need to beat or humiliate him in front of other children.

Physical violence, shows the weakness of an adult, also gives rise to anger and resentment in a child, so it’s better to talk to him, listen and try to understand.

Perhaps he acted badly only because no one had ever explained to him how to behave in such a situation.

Good relationship with the child you need to build on mutual understanding, trust and respect.

Any relationship is built on trust, which is easy to lose and extremely difficult to regain.

When a child loses trust in his parents, he will grow up to be withdrawn, insecure, lonely and resentful.

Such children are completely unsuitable for independent living. Therefore, only love, communication and attention will help you grow up as a strong personality who will respect elders and everyone around you.

Try to make everyone happy an important event in a baby's life. Celebrate his birthday, ledge in kindergarten, school, let him invite his friends and beloved relatives. Go to the cinema with him to watch a popular movie or cartoon, take your child to an amusement park, there are various organizations for children's parties with animators and shows for children, they love it.

Having fun in a good company, the child will be grateful to you, he will understand that he is important to you and loved. Remember, the strongest relationships with children are built on trust and love.