Today grandmother (grandmother is my mother, who here, in order to avoid confusion, will be just a grandmother) took the child (7 years old, first grade) to classes in music school and there they fought over a mobile phone. In the sense that Yaroslav wanted to play with mobile phone, but my grandmother did not give, because it was time to go to class. And since I hit him last weekend, my grandmother got ...
Now the grandmother is offended, and not only at the child, but also at the parents, who are poorly involved in raising him. As if all I do is beat grandmothers, showing the child a bad example. This is not the first case, but it will not be the last either. I don’t know how to fight. Grandmother does not know how to fight back, but she knows how to exhaust her nerves and it is already impossible to teach her. It does not occur to him to fight with dad or mom, even if his parents take away the most precious thing from him. this moment is, a game console, a TV or a typewriter. And in conflicts with other children, he is not very fighting. Give change to a classmate who offends him, he says - he is stronger than me. And the grandmother means weaker and it is possible.
Can whip him like a sidor's goat. Yes, something tells me that the effect will be small ... Grandma says that I need to go to a psychologist with him ... But again something tells me that I need to go to a psychologist for my grandmother. And she won't go ... Vicious circle... Or go to a psychologist together? For some reason, he beats exactly the grandmother, whom he loves very much. He does not raise his hand either to dad or mom or to teachers. Apparently he does not understand that this cannot be done and I do not know how to explain it to him in such a way that it will come to him. After all, I never beat my grandparents ... Without any psychologists, my parents in childhood explained to me that this should not be done or simply did not want to.
On the one side own child in everything it seems quite adequate and even developed for his age. And I can't unequivocally understand if this is a wrong child and allows himself too much, if his grandmother provokes him and allows him to behave in this way in order to show once again how hard it is for her with her grandson. The second case is more difficult and almost impossible to treat. Or the grandmother is simply not able to cope with the grandson due to the moral and age characteristics of the personality. It's already easier :)
After all, even our cat offends the grandmother. He periodically attacks grandmother's legs and scratches ... He doesn't scratch anyone else, not even Yaroslav. And the dog also snatched a family member for the only time in his dog's life, who also turned out to be the same grandmother.
But if the reason is in it, then what to do ... After all, at this age, the behavior of correction does not lend itself to correction. Grandmother basically does everything in her own way, believing that young people do not understand anything in life. And she worked as a boss and raised a child alone and had a higher education. Referral to a psychologist is something like an accusation of insanity ... And you can't argue against her logic either, because it's all true. She worked, educated, studied. And the argument that the new time, new children and new methods and work, study, child-rearing and age not only do not indicate a healthy psyche, but also complicate the situation. After all, it was they who formed and strengthened the psyche.
So you have to whip the child and talk, listen to the grandmother and calm him down and wait until Yaroslav finally has consciousness, flexibility and the ability to restrain his desires to hit his beloved grandmother.

Mothers and grandmothers believe that all small children love their parents, but children do not know about their love for their parents and often they beat their mother, grandmother, or even father. They hit them in the face, hit them with a stick, hit them with a fork - in any way they like. And what to do with it?

We will not analyze situations when parents can be hit by their teenage children - these are already situations of a completely different class, usually situations of pedagogical neglect. With babies, everything is easier, at least everything is easier to understand, although it is not always possible to end this mess in a quick way.

The main thing here is to understand two things.

First, when a child hits you, he has nothing against you personally. He just does what he wants to do now. And the fact that in this case they were in front of him, these are your problems, and not his direct intention to deal with you personally.

Second: what smaller child, the less it is guided by reason (until you put reason in it, the child does not have it) and to a greater extent it is just an organism. The same as any other animal that is controlled by reflexes and gains experience primarily with the help of combined and conditioned reflexes, receiving from the external environment (that is, primarily from the parents) positive or negative reinforcement for its actions. At least most children under the age of two behave this way. So,

What to do with babies?

The solution to the problem with children of this age lies primarily in the field of art, no matter how awful it sounds for those who want to see a highly spiritual being in a small child. Your baby will definitely become a reasonable person: smart, understanding, compassionate and simply wise, but later. In the meantime, he lives at the level of a cat and a dog, and understands, first of all, the language that other cats and dogs understand - the language of positive and negative reinforcements.

One of the first natural tricks is attention withdrawal, or the time-out method. For example, if the child hit his mother, then do not scold the child, but walk past him and begin to feel sorry for the mother: stroke her, tell her good words... There is little sense in telling a child that fighting is bad: your words for a child are just communication with him, and he just needs communication. On the other hand, if you pet your mother, the child will sooner or later want to repeat it after you.

If the baby hit (bit) you and there is no one next to you who would feel sorry for you, decide the issue yourself. Namely: without screaming and without crying, get up abruptly, remove the child from your hands, then, without screaming and without swearing, silently leave to do business. The child will be left without you, and this is enough punishment for him. It won't work right away, but a few repetitions are usually enough.

As for the "hit in response to blow" or "bite in response to a bite" technique, this is a great technique, but most often it does not work. More precisely, it works in men, but it does not work in women. The fact is that the dad may well hit the child on the hand so that he will not take it into his head to beat him with this hand, but mothers love their children and "in return" do it carefully, it does not hurt ... As a result, the situation of exchange of blows (bites) turns into new game for the child: he is you, you are him, he is still you, you are still his, and the child is only fun and interesting. This does not work.

For it to work, you need to have iron nerves and the habit of reacting in three steps: 1) explanation, 2) warning, 3) punishment. That is, the child has bitten you - you calmly say to him: "Do not bite, it hurts me!" He bit again, you warn: "Do not bite, and I will hurt you the same way!" If he bites after that, he needs to be bitten back in earnest to really hurt him. And for a blow to the face, you take his hand and hit him on the hand seriously painfully.

If you are not ready for this, then do not, and if you do it once, like a man, then it will be effective solution... Note that this is how all children solve this issue among themselves, and it works: children can consciously fight, but just like that, mindlessly hitting another - it does not occur to them. Why? But because they tried and received in response as they should.

So, if you were able to do this, you have accomplished a feat. It was difficult, but you did it: be proud of yourself! And in order to calm yourself down after that, take the screaming child on your lap, hold him and explain: "Mom is sacred! Mom cannot be beaten!" Sooner or later it will come. It will come to you early, to the child - later. If psychologists have suggested to you that in such a situation you need to tell your child about your feelings, please do. If this helps you, tell me, and as for the child, the only important thing is that you hold him firmly on your knees and do not let go. Sitting on your lap instead of playing is a punishment for him, it affects him, and stories about your feelings only affect psychologists.

Yes, frequent question: why explain something to a child if it doesn't help? Answer: it is not the child who needs it, but you. Because you have to get used to not hitting or biting the child, but to resolve all issues peacefully. Accustom yourself to this, and soon the child will already react to your words.

And if you missed it, and the child is already three years old or older?

Third: any reasonable order must be protected, and if the child is already deliberately violating these rules, he is punished for it. We repeat the rule: 1) explanation, 2) warning, 3) punishment. In this case, once firmly slapping on the bottom or on the arm is normal and correct. If the child tries to hit the wall, it will hurt him, and the second time he will not hit the wall. Be a wall: do not fight yourself, but return to the child what he did.

Video from Yana Happiness: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A fairy tale that would not have been better. Pay for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.

The child beats those around him, as soon as something happens not at his will or even without a visible reason for you, what to do in such a situation? How should we relate to this? The pugnaciousness of a child should be regarded, first of all, as a manifestation of aggression, and only secondly, as behavior that has its own reasons. it is not so rare and parents often do not know how to react to the fact that the child beats others and the parents themselves. What to do with this?

To begin with, you can outline the reasons for child abuse, because nothing just happens, which means that the child will not just beat mom, dad or grandmother.

First, with the help of a fight, the child shows his disagreement with the situation (if he does not get what he wants or is forced to do what he does not want) and expresses his emotions about this (anger, resentment, anger). Insufficient vocabulary and little experience of social interaction does not allow a child, say, about a year old, to constructively resolve the conflict. Therefore, he uses, in general, reflexively, the method of physical influence, as a protective one. Protective from unfavorable conditions for yourself, even if you just decided to feed the child with porridge.

Secondly, the child beats others because of permissiveness. If the parents “do not notice” such behavior, the child understands that hitting his mother is normal, because the opposite was not explained to him. In addition, if the situation when a child hits the people around him ends with the fulfillment of the child's wishes (or the cancellation of the ban), then the child will fight or bite on purpose, manipulating adults.

Third, a child can fight if he has seen this behavior repeatedly. It could have been in kindergarten or in a playground where violent children use fighting as a way to communicate and defend their positions. Then the child hits the people around him, believing that this is a "normal" way of interaction.

In addition to the listed reasons, a child can fight showing stubbornness or asserting his right to his own opinion, which often accompanies. In addition, the child can not only beat others or bite, but also throw various subjects, fall to the floor and bang your head and feet on the floor, demanding that your demands be met immediately.

On a note:

• If your child hits the people around him, do not disregard his behavior, do not pretend not to notice and do not expect that "it will pass by itself."
• Immediately stop your child from swinging or hitting someone at home or while walking. Immediately explain why his act is bad. Be negative about the act itself, not the child. Do not say "you are bad", say "you did wrong."
• The child needs to be explained in what situation he can hit, and in what not, and why. It is necessary to explain to a child aged 1-3 in an accessible language that it is impossible to beat the mother, that it hurts for the mother, that it is necessary to “say instead of hitting”. A child 3 years old and older quite successfully operates with the concept of "self-defense" - the need to hit and protect oneself, and understands the difference between hysteria, manipulation and a fight. If this is not the case, it's time to explain simple things to him.
• Do not violate your inhibitions to avoid "childish tantrums", this will only strengthen manipulative behavior and will not reduce aggressiveness. The child will continue to beat others, coming up with new reasons.
• Find a constructive way to get out of the aggression, the child can be angry and therefore the "extra" aggression must be directed in a different direction. You can crumple and tear the paper and throw it into the ledge, or beat the pillow with all your might.
• If the manifestation of aggression is not controlled or it is not possible to influence the child, he still beats others, then it is necessary to consult with specialists, since such pugnacity can, for example, accompany.

Help with advice. I am slowly but surely reaching a dead end.
Our family has 3 adults (mom, dad, grandmother) and a child (our 4-year-old son is a very active boy). Calm communication with the child remained only with me. There are constant conflicts with dad and grandmother.
I'll deviate a little:

dad until almost 3 years old did not participate in the upbringing of the child. But after 3 he began to make claims - he is ill-mannered, you allow him everything, he is spoiled, etc. And the like, and the son himself to the dad was exactly up to 3 years old. Then he began to calmly treat him. Dad farther - the more he began to "tighten the screws." And according to the principle - he said once. I didn't listen - I could slap on the priest.

Grandmother loves her grandson very much. She pampered him, allowed a lot. But a grandmother is a grandmother). But the child began to "overstep" the bounds of what was permissible - he could hit his grandmother, he stopped obeying her. My grandmother stopped dealing with him - she began to complain to me about the behavior of her grandson. If I punished him, then as soon as he let out a tear, "grandmother lay down to protect her grandson with her breast." After several such cases, I talked to my grandmother and said - "Don't complain to me anymore, sort it out among yourself."

As a result, now - in the garden, my son's relations are normal. There are sometimes pranks - but all at the level of their age. The educators have no serious complaints. They love him very much. He is a kind, not a conflict child.

But at home ..... "mascara light". V Lately began to "mimic" his father. Those. the father is talking to him, explaining something - and the child is standing and, well, like ... "faces" in response to him grimaces. dads are immediately furious.

In the evening my son ..... He tells me so calmly - And I hit my grandmother, she is crying. (the grandmother is now ill, most of the time she does not leave the room). I'm in shock ... I go to my mother. I ask what happened. She is silent. I ask again - he says - the grandson wanted to go to the toilet, she says to him - go to the potty (and this is a "painful" topic for him). He came up in response and hit me in the face ... Believe me ... my hands dropped ... I'm sitting by the very tears flowing ...
I went up to my son - I ask why did you do that? The answer is, Mom, why does my grandmother tell me to go to the potty when I want to go to the toilet ... In general, I told him that he did very badly, that he greatly offended my grandmother and that I was very ashamed of him and his behavior ...

We went to bed ... And he strokes me with his pen and condemns ... "Mom, don't be upset and love you", "Forgive me" and gently kiss me. And I have tears in my pillow.

Also ... the son began to avoid the company of his father - if we plan to go somewhere, he often suggests - "Mom, let's go with you alone, without dad."

Previously, I often and easily stayed at home with my grandmother - now they follow me like a tail. They will answer - Mom, I feel good with you, the others offend me.

I have thoughts that I have to leave with my grandmother. Perhaps he can mend their relationship.
But what about dad?

Everyone (grandmother, dad) has their own mind about how to communicate with the child.