St. John Chrysostom

Consider yourself a king who has a city subordinate to you - the soul of a child, for the soul is really a city. And just as in the city some steal, while others behave honestly, some work, while others do what comes to hand, the mind and thoughts behave in the same way in the soul: some fight against criminals, like warriors in the city, others they take care of everything that relates to the body and to the house, like citizens in cities, while others give orders, like city authorities.

Teach him to be friendly and kind. Let his mouth be sewn up for every slander. If you see him scolding anyone, silence him and turn the speech to his own misdeeds.

Even if everything was well-organized with us, we will be subjected to extreme punishment if we neglect the salvation of our children.

The corruption of children comes from nothing else, but from the insane attachment (of the parents) to worldly things. Paying attention only to this one thing and not wanting to consider anything higher than this, they necessarily already neglect children with their souls. Of such parents, I would say that they are even worse than child murderers: they separate the body from the soul, and these both together plunge into the fire of Gehenna.

We have no excuse when our children are depraved.

The (children's) age is tender, he soon assimilates what he is told, and, like a seal on wax, what they hear is imprinted in the soul of children. Meanwhile, their life then already begins to incline either to vice or to virtue. Therefore, if at the very beginning and, so to speak, on the eve of deviating them from vice and directing them to a better path, then in the future this will already turn into a habit and, as it were, into nature, and they will not so conveniently voluntarily deviate for the worse, because the skill will attract them to good deeds.

Strive to teach (son) to despise the glory of present life; from this he will be more glorious and famous.

If you educate your sons, they in turn will educate theirs, and these will again teach theirs; continuing in this way until the coming of Christ, this work will bring all the reward to him who served as the root.

Rev. Isidore Peluciot

Those who sow in their children even in infancy a fair concept of God's majesty and providence, and then of virtue, not only as parents, but also as excellent teachers, will be worthy of God's rewards, and those who instill in them the concept of polytheism and vice, as having brought their children as a sacrifice to the demons, they will receive a worthy reward.

Rev. Nile of Sinai

Whoever wants to zealously educate his children, educates them in great severity and difficult occupations, so that, having distinguished themselves both in the sciences and in behavior, they could eventually receive the fruits of their labors.

Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk

Teachers of students to teach not only literacy, but also an honest life, the fear of God, because literacy without the fear of God is nothing more than a madman's sword. Some parents bring up and support their children so gently and weakly that they do not want to punish them for their crimes and so fearlessly and willfully let them live; others use immeasurable severity, and do their wrath and fury on them more than they punish them. Both - and those, and others - err. Everywhere, for excess is vicious; reckless severity and mercy in every rank is condemned. This in relaxation, self-will, corruption and obvious death leads the young, by nature inclined to every evil; the other creates grief, irritation and despondency in them. Everywhere for moderation and the middle way is boasted. For this reason, pious parents should follow the middle path.

Rev. Seraphim of Sarov

The elder did not allow children to speak against their parents, even those who had undeniable shortcomings. One man came to the old man with his mother, who was betrayed by the vice of drunkenness. The son only wanted to talk about it, as Fr. Seraphim clamped his hand over his mouth and did not allow him to utter a word. Then, turning to his mother, he said: "Open your mouth" - and when she opened her mouth, he breathed on her three times. Letting her go, oh Seraphim said: "Here is my testament to you: do not have in your house not only wine, but even wine dishes, since from now on you will not tolerate wine anymore."

St. Filaret, Met. Moscow

It is true that the present upbringing encourages self-will. I often marvel at the solemnity and independence with which young children behave in the presence of their parents, and these seem not to dare to touch them.

St. Ignatius (Bryanchaninov)

Do not let your daughter clap, below with your finger. This is extremely harmful to the morality of both the daughter and the mother. There is the old good, but there is also the old bad; bad is not to be imitated. Get yourself a book entitled Teachings of the Monk Abba Dorotheos, who was engaged in the education of young monks with excellent success. This book will be an excellent instruction for yourself and for the upbringing of your daughter. Read a book and study it. Know that more than all your instructions with words, your life will be the most powerful instruction for your daughter.

Protect your son from poisonous heretics. Do not be afraid of censures from him for the lack of fatal, excessive secularism; fear that formidable utterance of the Lord, which awaits parents at the Last Judgment of Christ for raising children for eternal perdition; be afraid of those desperate and useless tears and curses on parents, which children brought up for hell will then utter.

St. Theophan the Recluse Vyshensky

The youth wants to live on earth and in an earthly way. After all, it is impossible without it, because we are earthly. Just do not forget that we are on earth for a time, and a short one - it became, although earthly, but not for the earth received being.

Alienation of children is wonderful. But see if it's your fault. If you are either reading or doing needlework, and you do little with your children, so that they do not see affection from you ... then what is wonderful that they are alienated from you? ..

St. rights. John of Kronstadt

Parents and teachers! Beware of your children with all care from the whims before you, otherwise the children will soon forget the price of your love, infect their hearts with malice, early lose the holy, sincere, hot love hearts, and when they reach adulthood they will complain bitterly that in their youth they cherished too much, pandered to the whims of their hearts. Caprice is the germ of heart corruption, the rust of the heart, the moth of love, the seed of malice, an abomination to the Lord.
In education, it is extremely harmful to develop only reason and mind, leaving the heart unattended - the heart should be most of all paid attention to; the heart is life, but life corrupted by sin; it is necessary to purify this source of life, it is necessary to kindle in it a pure flame of life, so that it burns and does not go out and gives direction to all thoughts, desires and aspirations of a person, his whole life. Society is corrupted precisely because of a lack of Christian education. It is time for Christians to understand the Lord, what He wants from us - it is He who wants a pure heart: Blessed are the pure in heart (Matthew 5:8). Listen to His sweetest voice in the gospel. And the true life of our heart is Christ (Christ lives in me) (Gal. 2:20). Learn all the wisdom of the apostle, this is our common task - to instill faith in Christ in the heart.

Rev. Macarius Optinsky

A difficult question about children: when they are in the circle of relatives and peers, should they be allowed to play cards and dance? How to solve it - I do not know. What has become the custom of secular appeals is difficult to resist when conferring with the world. You just need to be a confessor, enduring reproach, ridicule and contempt. But to allow from a young age to cards - this can eventually turn into a habit and even a passion; also dances, which one wise preacher called "herodiadinous art" and which the world considers an innocent pleasure in society, but in essence they are sinful.

As much as possible, it is necessary to inspire children that both are harmful to them; but they, looking at other children exercising in these amusements, will either envy them or condemn them, and consider themselves the best of them. And here it is appropriate to have wisdom, but not with your own mind, but to pray to the Lord, may he make you wise how to act in raising children, and may he save them from the corrupting spirit of the harmful customs of the world.

Rev. Ambrose Optinsky

At present, it seems, more than ever, those who want to live a pious life are surrounded by all sorts of inconveniences and difficulties. It becomes especially difficult to conduct the work of raising children in the Christian spirit and in the rules of the holy Orthodox Church.
In the midst of all these difficulties, one thing remains for us: to resort to the Lord God, earnestly ask Him for help and admonition, and then, for our part, do everything that we can, according to our extreme understanding; leave everything else to the will of God and to His providence, not being embarrassed if others do not act as we would like.

Rev. Ambrose, archbishop Kharkov

Stand yourselves, as the prophet says, before the face of God, be the mouth of God - then, through your mediation, God Himself will be the educator of the children entrusted to you ...

When discussing child misconduct, do not limit your remarks to the words: "How shameful or indecent", but say more often: "How sinful and terrible." How much you yourself understand the power of sin, how much you yourself are afraid of it - let it be written on your face. Your sorrow for the misdeed of the child will be reflected in his heart; your suggestion that you are responsible for his offense before God will make him afraid of the same responsibility. Then he will accept your penalty as God's punishment.

Teach children not only the words of prayer, but acquaint them with the state and experience of prayer. Do not make the prayer too short, do not be afraid for the fatigue of the children, lead them into the work of prayer, explaining to them the science of collecting thoughts and a cheerful stand of the mind before God. Pray yourselves in their presence with ardor and zeal: the warmth of your heart will be communicated to their hearts, they will know the comforts found in prayer, and it will be their joy and refuge in all the trials and sorrows of life.

Reveal to them the science of testing thoughts and inner struggle with sinful thoughts and inclinations. Tell them, as they age, the story of the origin of sin in a barely conscious thought, its growth in the agitation of feelings and inclinations of the heart, its stormy movements in impulses of passions, its extreme revelations in criminal cases - and then an impure thought will be as terrible for them as a criminal one. case.

Point out to them our weakness in the fight against sin, our constant need for God's help, and the invincible power of the name of Jesus. Give them experiences of inner victory over evil by the power of invoking the name of the Lord, and then they will be released into a world filled with moral dangers, with weapons in their hands.

The faith of parents cannot remain fruitless for children when, in need and poverty, they say with tears in their eyes: "What to do? Awake the will of God"; in danger: "God is merciful"; under difficult circumstances: "God will help"; with success and joy: "Thank God, God sent." Here, always and in everything, God's goodness, God's providence, God's justice are confessed. Isn't this a living teaching about God and His properties? And since for children there is nothing higher and dearer than parents, and parents with love and reverence confess that they themselves have everything from God and hope in God in everything, that He is the common and all-good Benefactor of all: then will the children not feel and understand that "all God lives and moves and exist," and then will they not love God?

Why, they say, wake up a child early and force him to stand for whole hours in church without use? This is a futile torture. No, this is necessary in order to gradually accustom him to vigilance, attention, concentration of thoughts, patience in a feat, without which not a single good deed is accomplished.

http://www.christian-spirit.ru/v16/16.(10).htm

Z hello, dear visitors of the Orthodox island “Family and Faith”!

P The previous chapter of the teachings of the Holy Fathers was devoted to parenting. In conclusion, Yuri Maksimov is an example of the edification of the teachers of the Church about the attitude of children towards their parents.

O reverence for parents is repeatedly said in Holy Scripture. ““He who respects his mother is like one who acquires treasures ... he who honors his father will have joy from his children, on the day of his prayer he will be heard” (Sir. 4: 4-5). In addition, such a person will be happy and long-lived in this life, as the commandment of God says about this: “Honor your father and your mother, (so that it will be good for you and) so that your days on earth will be long” (Ex. 20: 12), and again: “He who respects his father will live long” (Sir. 4: 6). His generation will also be long-lived, “for the blessing of the father establishes the houses of the children” (Sir. 4: 9). If he falls into any misfortune or sadness happens to him, then he will soon be freed from them, as the Scripture says about this: “Mercy to the father is not forgotten; despite your sins, your wealth will increase” (Sir. 4:14).

In Scripture, we also see an example of the proper attitude towards the mother. The Lord Jesus Christ from childhood was in obedience to His Mother (see Luke 2:51). Out of obedience to Her, He also performed His first miracle (cf. John 2:1-11). The Lord called reverence for the mother among the most important commandments, the observance of which is necessary for those who wish to inherit eternal life (see: Matt. 19: 19), and on the contrary, it was precisely for the violation of the commandment to honor the mother that He reproved the Pharisees of His time (see: Matthew 15:4-6). Out of compassion for a mother whose only son was being carried out dead on a stretcher, He performed a miracle by resurrecting him from the dead (see Luke 7:12-15), thereby showing His mercy to all motherhood. Finally, the Lord, even while in terrible agony on the cross, did not cease to take care of His Mother, transferring Her to the care of one of His disciples (see: John 19:26-27).

The disciples of Christ, who compiled the New Testament, having in front of them an example of Christ's love for the Mother of God, with particular force asserted the need for reverence for the mother: “Honor your father and mother, this is the first commandment with a promise: may it be good for you, and you will be long-lived on earth” ( Ephesians 6:2-3). The Apostle Paul specifically mentioned in his epistles: "Greet Rufus, the chosen one in the Lord, and his mother and mine" (Rom. 16:13). In another place, listing the most vile sins, the apostle puts the sin of insulting the mother before murder, sodomy and other sins (see: 1 Tim. 1: 9).

As for the words of the Savior: “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, and wife and children, and brothers and sisters, and, moreover, his own life, he cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:26 ), then the blessed Theophylact of Bulgaria explains them this way: “Look, in your simplicity and inexperience, do not be tempted by this saying. For the Lover of Man does not teach inhumanity, does not inspire suicide, but wants His sincere disciple to hate his relatives when they hinder him in the worship of God and when he finds difficulties in doing good in his relations with them. On the contrary, when they do not interfere with this, He teaches even to honor them to the last breath. Christian tradition teaches us to understand these words of the Lord in the light of His other phrase: “Whoever loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me” (Matt. 10:37).

St. Tikhon of Zadonsk writes: “Children should show all gratitude to their parents, from whom they received life, guidance, and everything they have. This gratitude consists in the following: to help them in every need; when they have no means, to feed and clothe them; in old age, in illness, or in any other case, to cover or excuse their infirmities, as did Shem and Japheth, the sons of Noah (see: Gen. 9:23), who covered the nakedness of their father ... The Holy Apostle teaches: “Children, be obedient to your parents yours in everything” (Col. 3:20). Obedience is then needed when parents teach their children what is according to the word of God, and does not contradict it ... If they command contrary to the word of God, then in no case should they be listened to, since God's command should be incomparably more honored than parental. Christ, the Son of God, taught about this in the holy Gospel: “Whoever loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me” (Matthew 10:37).

It is worth citing the words of St. Philaret of Moscow: “When parents, relatives, mentors, bosses demand from you that which is contrary to your wisdom, your inclination, your taste, but what is necessary, or useful, or at least harmless, sacrifice sophistication your, your inclination, your taste for the duty of obedience; remember Jesus, the Wisdom of God, who did not obey Joseph the woodworker (Luke 2:51).

The patristic instructions given here, although they do not cover all spheres of family life and family issues, nevertheless can bring undoubted benefit to modern Orthodox Christians.

The task is not to make children go to church under duress, but to make them fall in love with the Church. They must do good not under pressure, but feel it as a necessity. The holy life of parents informs children's souls, and then children easily obey.

Elder Paisius Svyatogorets (1924-1994).

Even in early childhood, honest parents inspire their children with good rules and useful work. They themselves show an example of goodness and truly useful deeds, they show this without self-praise and pride, but in simplicity, as truly good deeds are always done in the world. “Here, children, we have done a good deed; We wouldn't be able to do this if God didn't help us. We would not be loved by people if God were not merciful to us. Know, children, that whatever we do good is from God. All this Christ gives us. And the child grows and is strengthened by the thought that everything good is from God, and grows into a perfect husband. And if such a person has the opportunity to do a feat, he will do it, calling on God for help, he will do it so humbly that only God alone will see his good deeds. Such a person accepts every duty as a great and holy deed.

Archpriest Valentin Amfiteatrov (1836-1908).

Both in life and in death, let us tell our children and inspire them that great wealth, an indelible inheritance and an unperishable treasure is the fear of God; and let us strive to leave them not perishing wealth, but abiding and unexpended godliness. When there is no piety, then the existing wealth perishes with danger and extreme shame; and when it is, then the non-existent also arrives.

Saint John Chrysostom (407).

Since, according to Scripture, the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord (Ps. 110:10), the fear of God must first be planted in young hearts; for youth, by nature inclined towards evil, is turned away by nothing more than this fear, like every man. And in order to plant the fear of God in their hearts, they often need to be reminded that God is everywhere, and is present with every person, and that a person does or thinks, sees, and whatever he says, hears, and for every word, deed and a bad thought gets angry and will judge, and will betray sinners to eternal torment, as well as righteous and good people will be rewarded for their good deeds, and he can really show the sinner or the evildoer.

Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk (1724-1783).

Let the child participate in morning and evening prayer; let it be, as often as possible, in the church; Communion according to your faith as often as possible; always let him hear your pious discourses. At the same time, there is no need to turn to it: it will listen and think on its own. Parents, for their part, need to use everything so that the child, when he comes to consciousness, most of all realizes that he is a Christian. But again, the main thing, in fact, is the spirit of piety, penetrating and touching the soul of a child. Faith, prayer, the fear of God is beyond all acquisition.

A very beneficial effect on children is the frequent carrying of them to the temple, applying them to the holy cross, the Gospel, also offering them to icons, signing the sign of the cross, sprinkling with holy water, overshadowing the cradle, food and everything that touches the children with the cross, the blessing of the priest, and in general everything church miraculously warms and nourishes the grace-filled life of a child, and there is always the safest and most impenetrable fence from the encroachment of invisible dark forces that are ready to penetrate everywhere in a developing soul only in order to infect it with their breath.

Saint Theophan, the Hermit Vyshensky (1815-1894).

Do not imagine that you are an old woman, do not imagine that you are a confessor in female image, and do not even imagine that you are a confessor, because for the most part the children of parents do not confess, but say: behold, we are companions. I am just as inexperienced as you, only a little older, I have seen and heard and read things that you, perhaps, have not seen and heard or read - I will share with you what I know. That's all.

The child should be able to look at his parents and see that what he is being told actually lives in them. They may not be perfect - the child understands this very well, but they strive to live by faith, and this is the meaning and content of their life; this is a different matter. And so that he sees in them quality, honesty, those properties that are simply human, but which are already on the verge of holiness, if only a spark of God touches them.

From the experience of working with children, I know (I have worked with children quite a lot) that the most intelligible thing is for the teacher or parents to take some passage from the Gospel and tell it in their own words as vividly and colorfully as possible. Moreover, without departing from the text, without adding anything, without making it more interesting, but simply expressing what is said there in the language of the child and modernity. And when everything is told, you need to talk about it with the child: how do you react to it? how do you like it? what do you think: Christ was right or this man would be right? .. And then tell him: I will now read this passage as it was written almost two thousand years ago, so that you remember how you will hear it in church. .. And then slowly read this passage according to the Gospel. Then the child begins to recognize the text, recognize words, images, because he already has them in himself. If we read the text to a child who is still small, only in a somewhat outdated Russian language, this is too short for him and not always completely clear.

I know that for every child, as well as for an adult, you can find something with which he can prove his loyalty. One single thing, not necessarily all your life, because if you talk about your whole life, then nothing works, but one thing: you prove your loyalty. Now, you often act badly in such and such a way - try not to do it.

Reveal to them the science of testing thoughts and inner struggle with sinful thoughts and inclinations. Tell them, as they age, the story of the origin of sin in a barely conscious thought, its growth in the agitation of feelings and inclinations of the heart, its stormy movements in impulses of passions, its extreme revelations in criminal cases, and then an impure thought will be as terrible for them as a criminal deed. .

Point out to them our weakness in the fight against sin, our constant need for God's help, and the invincible power of the name of Jesus. Give them experiences of inner victory over evil by the power of invoking the name of the Lord, and then they will be released into a world filled with moral dangers, with weapons in their hands.

Ambrose (Klyucharev), Archbishop of Kharkov (1821-1901).

Give him, in addition to instructions, soulful stories and ask him from time to time so that he repeats to you as he remembers and understands. Everything that he hears from you will first be stored in his memory and mind, and then, with the help of God, with the assistance of experiences in life, he can pass into feeling.

The main thing is that the child should be busy according to his strength and directed towards the fear of God. From this, everything good and good, as well as vice versa - idleness and not instilling the fear of God in children are the cause of all evils and misfortunes.

Experience approved for centuries shows that the sign of the cross has great power on all the actions of a person throughout his entire life. Therefore, it is necessary to take care to instill in children the habit of making the sign of the cross more often, and especially before eating and drinking, going to bed and getting up, before leaving, before going out and before entering somewhere, and that the children make the sign of the cross not carelessly or in a fashionable way. , but with accuracy.

Rev. Ambrose of Optina. (1812-1891).

Bring the child to the thought of the Divine gradually, tell him in an understandable language: “You see different things around you and you know that each of them was made by someone: the house was built by an architect, the picture was painted by a painter, the flowers were planted and grown by a gardener. So, you need to know who made the bright sun, the sky, the stars - all this was created by God, our common Father, the Father of all people. He is everywhere, although we do not see Him, He knows everything we do, He hears everything we say, even everything we think. Without Him, neither grass, nor a grain ear, nor flowers could grow, animals would not live, nothing exists without His will. Your mother is kind and loves you, but God is infinitely more good and loves you more. Your father works to feed you, but God does infinitely more for all people than all people together can do...

Your example can most affect the child in this regard; never pronounce the name of God in vain, in joking speech. During prayer, it is necessary that reverence be expressed in all your words and movements. Teach your child to imitate you, teach to listen or read prayers with reverence and in a respectful position. He will not yet understand all the words of prayer, but he will understand the feeling expressed by the bowing of the head, the sign of the cross, kneeling; the outward movement affects its interior. But inspire him that it is a sin, praying to God, to think about something else and that a silent feeling of humility before God, a short but heartfelt prayer is higher than a prayer uttered in words without the participation of the heart. Thus, little by little, he will comprehend the sweetness of love for God before his mind recognizes the whole necessity of faith for a person. When a priest or other spiritual person enters, show the children, by your own example, with what respect, love you should treat the ministers of the church and heed their lessons ...

When you teach him to pray with the sign of the cross, when during prayer turn his gaze to the image of the Lord Jesus Crucified or, like a baby, carried in the arms of the Blessed Virgin: childish curiosity will require you to account, what does this mean? Then begin to nourish the young soul with Christianity, only know how to adapt to age, offer a simple human mammal to the infant of nature. Say that God is invisible, it was the Son of God, loving people, who wanted to be seen and live with them, for this he was born from the Blessed Virgin and lived on earth as a man, in order to teach us to live holy; that He was even willing to suffer and die on the cross to cleanse us from our sins; but having died as a man, as God rose on the third day, ascended into heaven and reigns in heaven and on earth and will save us when we pray, please Him, believe in Him and ask His forgiveness in sins. Transmit this not as an incomprehensible dogma, but as a wonderful story; and he will arouse the attention and uplift the soul of the offspring, and your reverence and love for the Savior will be reflected in it and prepare it for higher understanding in due time.

Saint Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow (1783-1867).

Protect your son from poisonous heretics. Do not be afraid of censures from him for the lack of fatal, excessive secularism; fear that formidable utterance of the Lord, which awaits parents at the Last Judgment of Christ for raising children for eternal perdition; be afraid of those desperate and useless tears and curses on parents, which then will be uttered by children brought up for hell.

Saint Ignatius (Bryanchaninov) (1807-1867).

No matter how small a child is, it can already pray: after all, it asks something from its parents, why not ask it from the Heavenly Father? Therefore, teach a child to pray, only begin it from childhood; accustom him so that prayer becomes a need for him. Perform morning and evening prayers regularly with your children, as well as before and after eating, so that they do not go to the table like animals to the trough, but so that they know that whoever wants to use the gifts of God should ask them and give thanks for them. Our Father, Virgin Mary and other short prayers should be known to every child who knows how to speak well.

Only if the mother herself is truly pious, only if the child sees her mother often fervently praying, will she herself learn piety and fervent prayer.

Bishop Irenaeus (Horde) (1837-1904).

The least that every family, if it wants to have the right to the name of Christian, in this regard, should be that all its members perform morning and evening prayer, both before dinner and after dinner. In good ancient times, all daily prayers, and especially before going to bed, were performed in Christian families together. At a certain hour, all family members: father and mother, sons and daughters, servants and maids - gathered in one room and knelt before the icons. One read the book aloud to everyone, while the others prayed. Then, at the end of this prayer, or, as it was called, the rule, everyone went to rest, and no one dared to leave home after this hour. How desirable it would be to restore this good ancient custom to our day! What an excellent remedy it would serve against the widespread habit of spending evening and even night time in hotels, against nightly festivities and revelry, against modern immorality, vices and depravity!

But perhaps many of you, brethren, will object to me, pointing out that a child cannot yet understand all these prayers. Of course, it will not fully understand the content of each of these prayers; but this is not necessary. As much as one needs to understand in order to pray piously, even a small child can already. If it cannot yet form a clear idea of ​​God, then at least it has a feeling about Him. It feels that there is a Supreme Being Who loves us and Whom we should also love, and when it utters the words of a prayer, it thinks, like any adult, about God and raises its soul to Him. And such a prayer from childishly pious hearts is, no doubt, much more pleasing to God than the prayer of a scholar who very clearly understands every word of the prayer uttered by his lips, but at the same time is cold and distracted.

Holy martyr. Vladimir, Metropolitan of Kiev and Galicia (1848-1918).

A child very often understands what his parents do not understand. I remember a child who, on Easter week, stood in front of the icon of the Savior and began to repeat: “Christ is risen from the dead, trampling down death by death and bestowing life on those in the tombs ...” - and his mother stopped him and said: You can’t repeat this prayer so much. He looked at her with surprise and some indignation and replied: “You don’t understand anything; He is very pleased!” because he sang his faith to God in his heart.

And I remember another case. Our family was very tired, and the child was forced to recite a whole series of prayers in the evening. Somehow (he was then seven years old) he subtracted the prescribed prayers, then looked at his mother and said: "And now that we have prayed, let's pray a little." He felt that what he was doing was a disciplinary exercise, and he wanted to say to God: “You know, Lord, I love You!” Or maybe say: “Lord, I love my mother, and I love my father - but my father is away; protect him." Or: “Mom was angry with me today, comfort her!”

Anthony, Metropolitan of Sourozh (1914-2003).

Sincerity and constancy of prayer is more important than its duration. It is better to let the "rule" be very small (at least up to a few minutes); the child will be able, by inspiration, to extend the time of his prayer. Reminders to pray will not be needed if the habit has already been developed and the child realizes the need to ask God for blessings. No doubt pestering him with endless reminders won't help. A consistent prayer rule for preschoolers should be a goal, but don't worry if you don't get it every day. It is often easier to achieve a short bedtime prayer near the crib with one or both parents, as well as prayer before and after meals.

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See also on this topic:

Child in the Church. Part 1 ( Uminsky Alexy, archpriest)
Child in the Church. Part 2 ( Uminsky Alexy, Archpriest)
Difficulties of children's confession ( Vladimir Vorobyov, archpriest)

The upbringing of children begins from the moment they are conceived.

The upbringing of children begins from the moment they are conceived. The embryo hears and feels in the womb of its mother. Yes, he hears and sees through his mother's eyes. He perceives her movements and feelings, despite the fact that his mind has not yet developed. The face of the mother is darkened, and his face is also darkened. Mom is nervous, and so is he. What the mother feels - sadness, pain, fear, anxiety, and the like - he lives by this. If the mother does not want the child, does not love him, then he feels it, and his soul is injured, which accompany him all his life. The opposite happens with holy maternal feelings. When she has joy, peace, love for a child, then she mysteriously conveys this to him, as happens with already born children.

Therefore, a mother should pray a lot during pregnancy and love her child, caress her womb, read psalms, sing troparia and lead a holy life. This benefits her too. But she also makes sacrifices for the sake of the child, so that the child becomes more holy, so that from the very beginning it acquires holy inclinations. Do you see how delicate a pregnancy is for a woman? What a responsibility and what an honor!

I will tell you something similar about animate and inanimate beings, and then you will understand.

In America, they set up such an experiment: in two identical rooms at the same temperature, with the same watering and in the same soil, they planted flowers. There was only one difference: in one room they turned on light and pleasant music. What is the result? What can I tell you! The flowers in this room were strikingly different from other flowers. They had a more blooming appearance, richer colors, and much better development.

The radiance of holiness, not human effort, makes children good.

Everything comes from prayer, silence and love. Have you understood the fruits of prayer? Love in prayer, love in Christ. It brings real benefits. The more you love children with human love, which is often passionate, the more they will become confused, the more their behavior will be negative. But when the love between you and your love for children is Christian and holy, then you won't have any problems. The holiness of parents saves children. For this to happen, Divine grace must work on the souls of the parents. Nobody becomes a saint by himself. The same Divine grace will then enlighten, warm and enliven the souls of children.

Often they call me even from abroad and ask questions about children and other topics. So today, a mother from Milan called me and asked how she should behave with her children. I told her this: “Pray and, when necessary, speak lovingly to the children. Pray more and speak less words to them. And to everyone there should be more prayer and less words. Let's not be intrusive, but let's pray in secret, and then we'll talk, and God will notify us inwardly whether people have accepted our conversation. If not, then we won't talk. Let's just pray in secret. Because with our conversations we become intrusive for others, cause their resistance and sometimes indignation. Therefore, it is better to speak mysteriously to their hearts through mysterious prayer than to their ears.

Listen to what I'm going to tell you: pray first, then speak. Do the same with your children. If you teach them all the time, you will become painful for them, and when they grow up, they will feel the same pressure from you. So, give priority to prayer. Speak to them through prayer. Talk to God about it, and God will say it within them. That is, you do not need to give advice to children with the help of a voice so that their ears can hear. You can do this, but first of all you should talk about your children to God. Say: “Lord Jesus Christ, enlighten my children. I entrust them to You. You gave them to me, but I am powerless, I cannot bring them up well. Therefore, I ask You to enlighten them.” And God will speak to them, and they will say: “Oh, there was no need to upset my mother with what I did!”. And this, by the grace of God, will come from themselves.”

It's perfect. For the mother to speak to God, and God to speak to the child. If this does not happen, then you will talk, talk, talk... And everything will go in one ear and out the other, and in the end it will be perceived as one pressure. And when the child becomes an adult, then he will begin to resist, that is, in some way to take revenge on his father and mother, who forced him. Although only one thing is perfect: the words of love in Christ and the holiness of father and mother. The radiance of holiness, not human effort, makes children good.

When children are traumatized by some serious problem, do not worry about their resistance and bad words. In reality, they do not want this, but in difficult times they cannot do otherwise. Then they repent of it. But if you get nervous and angry, you will become one with the evil one, and he will play with you all like toys.

Holiness of parents is the best education in the Lord

Let us see God in the faces of children and give children the love of God. Let the children learn to pray too. In order for children to pray, it is necessary that the blood of praying parents flow in them. Here some are mistaken and say: “Since parents pray, are pious, read the Holy Scriptures and have raised their children in the teaching and admonition of the Lord(Eph. 6 , 4), therefore, children will grow up good. And now, please, we see how, due to parental pressure, we have the opposite result.

It is not enough for parents to simply be godly. It is necessary not to force children yet, trying to make them good through pressure. It is possible to turn your children away from Christ by selfishly following religious principles. Children don't like pressure. Don't force them to go to church with you. You can say this: "Whoever wants, can come with me now or come later." Let God speak to their souls. The reason why the children of some godly parents grow up to become disobedient, leave the Church and all that is good, and flee elsewhere is the pressure exerted on them by "good" parents. Children, while small, are under pressure. But when they are sixteen, seventeen or eighteen years old, they come to the opposite results. Resisting, they begin to lead bad companies and say bad words.

But when they develop in freedom, at the same time seeing a good example of adults, then we are happy to look at them. This is the secret: to be good and holy, to inspire and shine. It is obvious that the radiation of parents influences the life of children. Parents insist: “Come on, confess, come on, take communion, come on, do something…”. Nothing happens. But do they see you? What you live is what you radiate. Does Christ shine in you? This also affects your child. This is the secret. And if this is so when the child is small, then, having matured, he will not need to make much work. Speaking on this topic, the wise Solomon uses such a beautiful image, emphasizing the meaning that a good beginning, a good foundation has. In one place he says this: The one who wakes up to her (to wisdom) will not be bothered: for she who sits down will find with her gates(Prem. 6 , 14). “The one who comes to her in the morning” is one who practices wisdom from a young age. Wisdom is Christ. “Squatting” means “being near”.

When the parents are holy and pass it on to the child, that is, they raise him in the Lord, then the child, no matter how bad the environment may influence him, is not affected by them, because Wisdom, Christ will be at his door. He will not bother to acquire it. It seems to be very difficult to be good. But in reality it is very easy when you have a good life experience from your youth. When growing up, you will not need labor, because goodness is inside you, you live by it. You do not work, you live by it, this is your property, which you, if you are attentive, will keep throughout your life.

Children don't benefit from constant praise.

Children do not benefit from constant praise. They become selfish and vain people. They want everyone to praise them all their lives, even if it's a lie. Unfortunately, today everyone has learned to lie, and the vain accept it, it is their food. God doesn't like it. God is pleased with the truth. Unfortunately, not everyone understands this and act just the opposite.

When you praise children incessantly and without reason, the adversary begins to tempt them. He lifts the millstone of selfishness from them. Accustomed from an early age to praise from parents and teachers, they are likely to excel in their studies. But what's the use? In life, egoists will come out of them, not Christians. Egoists can never become Christians. Egoists want to be constantly praised by everyone, everyone loved them, everyone said good things about them. And neither God, nor the Church, nor Christ desires this...

So, when we develop this hypertrophied “I” in a child with praise, when we develop his egoism, we do great evil for him. We make him more prone to devilish things. If we educate him this way, then we remove him from the true values ​​of life. Don't you think that's the reason why kids get spoiled, why people rebel? This is egoism, which their parents planted in them from childhood, the Devil is a great egoist, a great den. That is, this day-keeper lives inside of us, we live by the devil. We do not live in humility. Humility is divine, it is something absolutely necessary for the human soul, something organic for it. And when it is not there, it is the same as if there is no heart in the body. The heart gives life to the body, and humility gives life to the soul. Because of selfishness, a person is on the side of the evil spirit, that is, he develops with an evil spirit, and not with a good one.

That's what the devil did. He made the earth a labyrinth in which we cannot understand each other. Why do we suffer and do not understand this? See what a delusion we have fallen into? We have reached the point that in our time we have made the earth one mental hospital! And we don't understand why. Everyone is at a loss: “What happened to us, where are we going, why do our children leave, why did they leave their homes and wander aimlessly, why did they leave life, why did they leave education? Why is this happening?". The devil managed to hide himself and push people to use other names. Doctors and psychologists often say when a person suffers: “Ah, you have a neurosis! Oh, you're stressed!" - etc. They do not agree that the devil develops and raises egoism in a person. But the devil exists, he is the spirit of evil. If we say that he does not exist, it would be like denying the gospel, which also speaks of him. This is our enemy, our adversary in life, the enemy of Christ, and he is called Antichrist. Christ came to earth to free us from the devil and grant us salvation.

The conclusion suggests itself as follows: we must teach children to live humbly and simply and not seek praise and "bravo". Let us teach them that there is humility, which is the health of the soul.

The way of thinking of modern society causes harm to children. The society has a different psychology, a different pedagogy, which is aimed at atheist children. This way of thinking leads to arbitrariness. You see the result in children and youth. Today the youth shouts: "You must understand us!". But we must not go to them. On the contrary, let's pray for them, let's say the right things, let's live right, let's preach it, but let's not conform to their spirit. Let us not spoil the greatness of our faith. We cannot help them by acquiring their way of thinking. We must be who we are and preach the truth, the light.

Let the children learn from the holy fathers. The teaching of the fathers will teach our children about confession, tell them about the passions, about evil, about how the saints conquered evil in themselves. And we will pray that God will penetrate deep into them.

Published according to the book: Elder Porfiry Kavsokalivit. Life and words. Edition of the St. Nicholas Chernoostrovsky Convent. Maloyaroslavets, 2006.

(Venerable Nil of Sinai)

Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk

From the instruction to teachers "How should they act in the position of their rank":

• Teachers of students should teach not only literacy, but also an honest life, the fear of God, because literacy without the fear of God is nothing but a sword from a madman.

• Faulty and lazy and self-willed punish with rods, and sometimes with words, but with your hand to the head or otherwise how not to dare.

• Some parents raise and support their children so tenderly and weakly that they do not want to punish them for their crimes and so fearlessly and willfully let them live; others use immeasurable severity, and do their wrath and fury on them more than they punish them. Both - and those, and others - err. Everywhere, for excess is vicious; reckless severity and mercy in every rank is condemned. This in relaxation, self-will, corruption and obvious death leads the young, by nature inclined to every evil; the other creates grief, irritation and despondency in them. Everywhere for moderation and the middle way is boasted. For this reason, pious parents should follow the middle path.

From the position of parents and children:

1. As soon as the children begin to come to their senses and understand the teaching, they should immediately pour the milk of piety into them and bring God and Christ the Son of God into knowledge: who is God, in whom we believe, and we remember His name, and we confess and pray to Him? And who is Christ, and how should He be honored? Why are we all born and baptized into this world, and what do we expect after death? Our current life is nothing but the path that we go to eternity, good - to prosperous, evil - to dysfunctional. We are born into this world not for the sake of honor, wealth, sweet food, beautiful clothes, rich houses and other things, for we leave all this at death. But we are born in order to live piously here, and to please God, and after death to go to Him and abide in His eternal bliss. Otherwise, if we were born to this life, then we would have to stay here forever; but we see the opposite. For we are born into another life, and we enter the path of this world in order to reach it. For this sake we are baptized, and we believe in God and Christ the Son of God, and we call on His name, and we go to church and pray, that we may receive that future blessedness from Him. All this and so on must first be offered to young children, so that, as they grow older, they come to the knowledge of God and the position and hope of Christianity. From here one can look forward to good hope in a young heart, when it begins to be brought up in this way. For both evil and good are firmly rooted in the youthful heart; and what we learn in youth, in that, and having come to perfect age, we remain, like a young tree, to which the side will bow, and stands to the end. For this sake, youth needs such a pious upbringing. And when the parents themselves either cannot, or their rank does not allow them to do so, they need to look for such mentors and teach their children. Many children teach their foreign languages and the arts, but they do not teach in the matter of piety, which makes it clear that they themselves do not know this, although they are called Christians. It is useful for the sake of society and commerce and to teach foreign languages; but it is necessary to teach the sacraments of the faith, and it is necessary without fail, and "there is one thing for the need" (Luke 10:42). What is in French or any other language, when the language is learned, but the heart is not taught good? The tongue flourishes well and red, but the heart is empty without faith and emits the stench of disbelief, which is distressing for both careless parents and children.

2. Since, according to Scripture, "the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord" (Ps. 110:10), the fear of God must first be planted in young hearts; for youth, by nature inclined towards evil, is turned away by nothing more than this fear, like every man. And in order to plant the fear of God in their hearts, they often need to be reminded that God is everywhere, and is present with every person, and that a person does or thinks, sees, and whatever he says, hears, and for every word, deed and an evil thought is angry and will judge, and will betray sinners to eternal torment, as well as righteous and good people will be rewarded for their good deeds, and he can actually show a sinner or an evil doing, as we read about in stories, and now the same thing happens. This they first need to root, so that they not only openly, but also secretly avoid all evil, so that, like children before their parents, servants before their masters, subject to the authorities, do nothing obscene, but reverently act, as if they were before God, all watching, they would act and walk with fear and think that God is with them, and sees all their actions, and can show them when they do bad things. Although it happens that a person does not see a bad deed, but God, greater than all the world and the Judge of all, sees everything. From such a teaching and reasoning about God, the fear of God can be planted in the young, which both the elderly and the old need to remember ...

3. Children who are defective should be punished by their parents. So the word of God commands them: "Do not leave a young man without punishment: if you punish him with a rod, he will not die; you will punish him with a rod and save his soul from hell" (Prov. 23, 13-14). We see that God Himself loves His children, but out of love He punishes them: "For the Lord punishes whomever He loves; He strikes every son whom He receives" (Heb. 12:6). Similarly, carnal parents must follow God and punish their children out of love. For that love of the father is blind, which leaves uncorrected children without punishment; true and wise love is that which humbles their self-will by punishment. "Whoever pities his rod, he hates his son; and whoever loves, he punishes him from childhood" (Prov. 13, 25).

4. You should not use immeasurable severity in punishment, as the apostle commands: "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they lose heart" (Col. 3, 21), but act in the middle way, as was said above.

5. In the image of good deeds, they represent themselves to them. For youth, and indeed every age, is better instructed to virtue by a good life than by a word; especially young children, as a rule, have the life of their parents; so that they notice in them, they themselves do it, whether it be good or bad, what they see. For the sake of which parents should both beware of temptations, and give an example of a virtuous life to their children when they want to instruct them in virtue. Otherwise, they can't do anything. For they look more at the life of their parents and imagine in their young souls than they listen to their words. Any mentor's word, connected with life, is a fair and strong instruction, how much more parental instruction.

6. To love children and the very nature of parents attracts and convinces: even the dumb love their offspring. For the sake of it, it is not necessary to mention it, if only there was not reckless love, as was said above.

7. Parents should pray to God for their children, so that He Himself would instruct them in His fear and make them wise for salvation.

8. How harmful is the neglect of the correct upbringing and punishment of children and their parents and their children, from the above, everyone can see, and history testifies about Elijah, the priest of Israel, who, because he did not properly educate and did not punish his sons for their prejudice, and himself and his children were punished by God.

Reverend Seraphim of Sarov

The elder did not allow children to speak against their parents, even those who had undeniable shortcomings. One man came to the old man with his mother, who was betrayed by the vice of drunkenness. The son only wanted to talk about it, as Fr. Seraphim clamped his hand over his mouth and did not allow him to utter a word. Then, turning to his mother, he said: "Open your mouth" - and when she opened her mouth, he breathed on her three times. Letting her go, oh Seraphim said: "Here is my testament to you: do not have in your house not only wine, but even wine dishes, since from now on you will not tolerate wine anymore."

To the question whether to teach children languages ​​and other sciences, the elder replied: "What's the harm in knowing something?"

George, the recluse of Zadonsky

Parents have a duty to their children ... to exhort and convince them to a blameless and pure life, both married and unmarried by the good will of God, to observe the faith, the commandments of God and piety, and bring prayers for them through the holy Church, and create alms, may the Lord not leave His mercy, and by them the message of fate will have mercy on those who pray to Him and ask for eternal salvation.

Now I remind you of myself, smiling at your punishment of the free Alyosha. My late mother loved me passionately, pitied and wept for me; but when he finds me in eavesdropping and mischief, then, having made a decent reprimand, he deprives me of affection for the whole day and more. It was painful for her to endure such a punishment of me herself; but she, looking at the end of my life, overcame her tenderness and was guided by the wise rules of Jesus the son of Sirach regarding the upbringing of children and the fear of God that was in her heart. It’s good and your suggestion to Alyosha what he wants: should he drink tea and pray or not pray and not drink? I beg you, do not scold A.F. in front of Alyosha, so that he can read and listen to her.

In pregnancy, it is useful to read the following prayers: “God, be merciful to me, a sinner,” “Lord, who created me, have mercy on me,” “Lord, grant me to be resolved, to glorify Your name: Thy will be done!”, “Do with me in mercy Yours and, as you wish, arrange a thing for me. Amen.

Thanks be to God for giving you children! Your prayer for them will enrich them with good manners. Now, while they are young, you need to instill in their hearts the fear of God, keeping the commandments of God and due respect for their parents; one must also admonish about eternal torment prepared for unrepentant sinners for disobedience and transgression of the commandments of God. In order to bring up children in piety, parents must have vigilant watch and labor. Parents have to give an answer before the Lord about the behavior of their children until their age.

His Grace Anthony, Archbishop of Voronezh and Zadonsk

His Grace Anthony said to the superintendent of the theological school, to whom government pupils were also entrusted: "You have your children. Just as you take care of their well-being, so take care of the upbringing and happiness of the children entrusted to you by the authorities."

When the director of the gymnasium came to Bishop Anthony with the inspector and teachers, the archpastor said to them: “You are my assistants: I alone cannot do anything. fear of God in children, teach them to know God, to love Him and to pray fervently to Him, imprint in their hearts the holy faith, love for our Orthodox Church and its holy statutes, love for the tsar and fatherland. This is our Christian wealth!"

Saint Ignatius (Bryanchaninov)

Do not let your daughter clap, below with your finger. This is extremely harmful to the morality of both the daughter and the mother. There is the old good, but there is also the old bad; bad is not to be imitated. Get yourself a book entitled Teachings of the Monk Abba Dorotheos, who was engaged in the education of young monks with excellent success. This book will be an excellent instruction for yourself and for the upbringing of your daughter. Read a book and study it. Know that more than all your instructions with words, your life will be the most powerful instruction for your daughter.

Protect your son from poisonous heretics. Do not be afraid of censures from him for the lack of fatal, excessive secularism; fear that formidable utterance of the Lord, which awaits parents at the Last Judgment of Christ for raising children for eternal perdition; be afraid of those desperate and useless tears and curses on parents, which then will be uttered by children brought up for hell.

Saint Theophan, the recluse Vyshensky

You are embarrassed by the fate of children. What to do? Almost the total tribute of all parents is the same today. The air is bad, and bad. And I have no money to help. Prayer is one, but its acceptability is cut short by the indignation of faith. It would be good if it were possible to arrange the children so that they would say what perplexes them and pushes them away from faith, or if they could somehow contrive to extort from them what is stuck in their heads and hearts. Then one could gradually lead them to the wrongness of what they heard again and the rightness of what they knew from time immemorial. Every way I think, parents do not interfere with this aspect of touching on the misfortune that threatens their children. May the Lord bless their undertakings!

Whoever lives in a family is saved from family virtues. But the point is not to present everything in an excellent way, but to do everything in your power ...

That in institutions the children are not the same already - what to do? Time is wise. With all that, one cannot think that everything (good) inspired by him was lost or lost. Everything remains and will bear fruit in due time. You do not leave yours, by what you can, helping them not to completely go astray, and success is all from the Lord. Pray more... help the needy more by believing the children in their prayer. This prayer is powerful.

To admonish children is the duty of parents, - it has become, and yours. And be afraid of what? The word love never irritates. Commander only does not produce any fruit. In order for the Lord to bless the children to avoid dangers, one must pray day and night. God is merciful! He has many means of preventing which we would not even think of. God rules everything. He is a wise, all-good and all-powerful Ruler. And we belong to His Kingdom. Why be discouraged? He will not let His own be hurt. One thing you need to take care of, so as not to offend Him, and He did not strike you out of His number.

Grieve for children. That's why you are a mother to grieve about children. But add prayer to grief... And the Lord will make the children happy. Remember the mother of Blessed Augustine. I cried, I cried, I prayed, I prayed! And she begged and cried that Augustine came to his senses - and began to be as he should be.

Don't worry too much about your son. What is the temper, look, and then life will make you cross yourself. What loves acquisitions is not a big trouble. It will be more gradual. It is impossible not to have, because one must eat, drink, have shelter, and so on. Hope should be placed on God only when you have property, part should be given to the poor. Teach him to give a penny to the poor, even on Sundays only. Start with this and move on.

And do not bother with prayer, you can get bored. Advise him to pray at least a little in the morning and in the evening, without reading any prayers, but in this way, wisely raising his eyes to God. In the evening - thank God for the day, in the morning ask for a day - in your own words, as you know, if only by deed. And that's enough. Bows three to five with such thoughts. And during the day, sometimes let him turn to God with a short prayer: "Lord, have mercy; bless, Lord." This is no longer needed. "Is it difficult, - tell him. - Well, then give me consolation ..."

The youth wants to live on earth and in an earthly way. After all, it is impossible without it, because we are earthly. Just do not forget that we are on earth for a time, and a short one - it became, although earthly, but not for the earth received being.

Alienation of children is wonderful. But see if it's your fault. If you are either reading or doing needlework, and you do little with your children, so that they do not see affection from you ... then what is wonderful that they are alienated from you? ..

You cannot save your soul alone. Part of this urgent care has children, affection for them, maternal tenderness, silent understanding.

Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt

When educating youth, what should be the most striving? About how to acquire "the eyes of the heart are enlightened for him" (Eph. 1, 18). Don't you notice that our heart is the first agent in our life, and in almost all our cognitions the vision with the heart of known truths (the idea) precedes mental cognition? It happens like this during knowledge: the heart sees at once, inseparably, instantly; then this single act of vision of the heart is transmitted to the mind and in the mind it is decomposed into parts, divisions appear: the previous, the next; the vision of the heart in the mind receives its analysis. The idea belongs to the heart, not to the mind - to the inner man, not to the outer. Therefore, it is a very important matter to "enlighten the eyes of the heart" in all knowledge, but especially in the knowledge of the truths of faith and the rules of morality.

Parents and teachers! Beware of your children with all diligence from the whims before you, otherwise the children will soon forget the price of your love, infect their hearts with malice, early lose the holy, sincere, ardent love of the heart, and upon reaching adulthood they will bitterly complain that in their youth there is too much cherished them, pandered to the whims of their hearts. Caprice is the germ of heart corruption, the rust of the heart, the moth of love, the seed of malice, an abomination to the Lord.

Do not leave children unattended regarding the eradication from their hearts of the weeds of sins, bad, crafty and blasphemous thoughts, sinful habits, inclinations and passions; the enemy and sinful flesh do not spare even children, the seeds of all sins are also in children; present to children all the dangers of sins on the path of life, do not hide sins from them, so that, through ignorance and lack of understanding, they do not become established in sinful habits and addictions, which grow and bear corresponding fruits when children come of age.

In education, it is extremely harmful to develop only reason and mind, leaving the heart unattended - the heart should be most of all paid attention to; the heart is life, but life corrupted by sin; it is necessary to purify this source of life, it is necessary to kindle in it a pure flame of life, so that it burns and does not go out and gives direction to all thoughts, desires and aspirations of a person, his whole life. Society is corrupted precisely because of a lack of Christian education. It's time for Christians to understand the Lord, what He wants from us - it is He who wants a pure heart: "Blessed are the pure in heart" (Matthew 5:8). Listen to His sweetest voice in the gospel. And the true life of our heart is Christ (“Christ lives in me”) (Gal. 2:20). Learn all the wisdom of the apostle, this is our common task - to instill faith in Christ in the heart.

A person, they say, is free, he cannot or should not be forced either in faith or in teaching. Lord have mercy! What a diabolical opinion! If you do not compel, then what will come out of people after that? Well, what will come of you, the herald of newly invented rules, if you do not force yourself to do anything good, but live as your vicious heart, your proud, short-sighted and blind mind, your sinful flesh disposes you to live? Tell me what will become of you? Are you not forcing yourself to do anything, I do not speak directly to the good, but even though it is proper and useful? How can you do without forcing yourself? How can Christians not be encouraged and not forced to fulfill the precepts of faith and piety? Isn't it said in Holy Scripture that "the Kingdom of Heaven is in need," that "needy women rapture e" (Matt. II, 12)? But how not to force especially boys to study, to pray? What will come of them? Aren't they lazy? Aren't they naughty? Will they not learn all evil?

Venerable Macarius of Optina

God, who is rich in mercy, could enrich everyone if it were useful, but He works otherwise according to the all-wise and incomprehensible fates for us, before which we must humbly revere and submit with thanksgiving. Give children a good moral upbringing, and when they are worthy and useful to them, God is able to enrich them or give them what is necessary and content.

We daily read in prayer: "Our Father", and ask: "... Thy will be done"; it is necessary that not only words be uttered, but that our will and reason agree with them. Childbearing is a blessing of God given to people - how are you going to reject or destroy it? In this there is no doubt that it is tiresome for you to have care for children, but even in this you have the help of God, and labor and fatigue will serve you to salvation, for Scripture says: A woman for the sake of childbearing will be saved (1 Tim. 2, 15). It is better to surrender to the will of God and consider childbearing a blessing of God, thanking Him for this, and not grumbling - then the Lord will facilitate your work, and if it is His will, then it will stop without any means.

I heard that you intend to send your son ... to B-v for training in trade and for some kind of better education, and so that part of your nephews belongs to you. In my opinion, education is enough for your son - to be a good Christian, a kind person, a respectful son, remember the temple of God, pray to God, honor the servants of the Church of God, pastors, listen to their teachings, work for the benefit of others and your own, offend no one, keep sobriety, chastity, and all of these to be performed with humility. This is true enlightenment for him.

About the preservation of Orthodoxy in your children - try to spread this teaching and pray to God for this. Unfortunately, nowadays people speak and write so freely everywhere about religion, not to creation, but to doubt; sensuality takes possession, and the younger generation is more inclined to freedom, and not to curbing the senses, and the mind gives freedom, although it is darkened. But by the way, there is no need to despair, but to ask God to save their young hearts from freethinking, and try to inspire them yourself, according to the concepts of their age, about the Orthodox Church and piety: what is written in a young heart, then in adulthood it will be more affirmed, like on a young the written words in the ripe fruit are more clearly depicted. When going to church with them, you can slightly say what the church means and Whom they serve in it - the Most High God, our Creator - and that He knows and sees what we not only do and say, but also think. Good deeds are rewarded, and bad deeds are punished. Often or rarely, it is necessary to take them with you to church at the discretion of their location, and sometimes by conviction, and even more so on major holidays you need to take them with you. Your son showed in practice his zeal for our monastery, he established the collection of alms from his relatives, and we will soon receive the three rubles and fifty kopecks of silver sent to him. The Lord bless his young heart to the knowledge of the truth and to the love of God; but love is born from fear: "... by the fear of the Lord everyone turns away from evil" (Prov. 15, 27) - and not to dream that we do good from love, and "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" (Prov. 1, 7) . And on all your children, on N. N. and on you, may the Lord send His blessing and give peace, health, prosperity and salvation.

Precisely, in modern times it is difficult to preserve youth from the stormy stream of freethinking that has spilled over the face of the earth and drowns the human mind, darkened by unbelief, in muddy waters. But with the help of God, sow on their hearts the seeds of the Orthodox faith, water them with the fear of God, which leads to love through the fulfillment of the commandments of the Lord. Their seeds of piety sunk into the young soil of their hearts, perhaps, in time will bear fruit in the holiness of the firmness of the Orthodox faith. Try to prevent them from reading books contrary to the truth; the young mind is capable of receiving all sorts of impressions. And most importantly - pray to the Lord, may He save them from the arrows and temptations of the enemy, and entrust them to the protection of the Mother of God.

A difficult question about children: when they are in the circle of relatives and peers, should they be allowed to play cards and dance? How to solve it - I do not know. What has become the custom of secular appeals is difficult to resist when conferring with the world. You just need to be a confessor, enduring reproach, ridicule and contempt. But to allow from a young age to cards - this can eventually turn into a habit and even a passion; also dances, which one wise preacher called "Herodiadin's art" and which the world considers an innocent pleasure in society, but in essence they are sinful. As much as possible, it is necessary to inspire children that both are harmful to them; but they, looking at other children exercising in these amusements, will either envy them or condemn them, and consider themselves the best of them. And here it is appropriate to have wisdom, but not with your own mind, but to pray to the Lord, may He give you wisdom on how to act in raising children, and may he save them from the corrupting spirit of harmful worldly customs.

Rev. Ambrose of Optina

At present, it seems, more than ever, those who want to live a pious life are surrounded by all sorts of inconveniences and difficulties. It becomes especially difficult to conduct the work of raising children in the Christian spirit and in the rules of the holy Orthodox Church. In the midst of all these difficulties, one thing remains for us: to resort to the Lord God, earnestly ask Him for help and admonition, and then, for our part, do everything that we can, according to our extreme understanding; leave everything else to the will of God and to His providence, not being embarrassed if others do not act as we would like.

You are weighed down by the concern of how to give your children a Christian upbringing, and express this concern in this way: “Every day I see from experience that I do not have sufficient firmness to fulfill my duty according to conscience, and I feel very incapable of forming a person’s soul in the image and likeness of the Divine teaching. ". The last thought is expressed very strongly and relates more to the assistance and help of God, but it will be enough for you if you take care to bring up your children in the fear of God, inspire them with the Orthodox concept and, with well-intentioned instructions, protect them from concepts that are alien to the Orthodox Church. Whatever good you sow in the souls of your children in their youth may then vegetate in their hearts when they come to mature courage, after bitter school and modern trials, which often break the branches of a good home Christian upbringing. The experience approved for centuries shows that the sign of the cross has great power on all the actions of a person, throughout his entire life. Therefore, care must be taken to instill in children the habit of making the sign of the cross more often, and especially before eating and drinking, going to bed and getting up, before leaving, before going out, and before entering somewhere, and so that the children make the sign of the cross not carelessly or fashionable, but with accuracy, starting from the brow to the chest, and on both shoulders, so that the cross comes out right.

You write: "I would like my husband and I to avoid that pernicious disagreement in the matter of education, which I see in almost all marriages." Yes, this thing is really tricky! But you yourself have noticed that it is not useful to argue about this in front of children. Therefore, in case of disagreement, it’s better to either evade and leave, or show as if you didn’t listen, but don’t argue about your different views in front of the children. Advice about this and reasoning should be in private and as calmly as possible, so that it is more real. However, if you manage to instill the fear of God in the hearts of your children, then various human whims cannot act so maliciously on them.

At the end of your letter, you write that you are concerned about the time of a difficult birth, and that it worries and frightens you so much that this prevailing thought prevents you from enjoying every good thing in life, and therefore you want to have some kind of prayer for yourself in support. There is an Orthodox tradition that in these cases they resort to the Mother of God, by the name of the Feodorovskaya icon. Exchange or write to yourself this icon, the celebration of which happens twice a year: on March 14 and August 16. If you wish, on the eve of these days in the evening you can perform a home vigil, and on the very day - a prayer service with an akathist to the Mother of God. With diligence, you can do this at other times, as you wish. You can daily pray to the Queen of Heaven yourself, reading to Her at least twelve times a day: “O Virgin Mary, rejoice,” even with bows from the waist. Read the kontakion to Her the same number of times: “Not imams of other help, not imams of other hope, except for You, the Lady.

Write that you notice dryness or little feeling and other shortcomings in your son. But in childhood, in general, not many people have a true, real feeling, but for the most part it manifests itself at a more mature age, already when a person begins to understand more and experiences something in life. Moreover, an excess inner feeling imperceptibly serves as a pretext for secret exaltation and condemnation of others, and lack of feeling and dryness involuntarily humbles a person when he begins to understand this. Therefore, do not be much upset that you notice this shortcoming in your son: in time, perhaps, the inevitable trials in life will awaken in him the proper feeling; but just take care to convey to him, as far as possible, sound ideas about everything in accordance with the teachings of the Orthodox Church. You write that you yourself have studied with him up to now and gone through the sacred history of the Old Testament with him, and ask how and what to teach him and whom to choose for this. Having gone through the Old Testament with him, you yourself must finish this work, that is, go over to the New Testament, and then begin the catechetical teaching. You are afraid that the dryness of the Catechism will not add warmth to it. The Catechism does not add warmth to anyone, but it is enough that the children have the correct understanding of the dogmas and other subjects of the Orthodox Church. If you want the Orthodox teaching to act on the heart of your son, then read the "Orthodox Confession" and "School of Piety" with him, and let the teacher of the law teach him according to the Catechism adopted in educational institutions.

Before confession, you yourself will take care of your son and prepare him for this sacrament as best you can. Make him read the commandments with an explanation before confession. Regarding the correction of his shortcomings, in general, you can sometimes say to him in a half-joking tone: “You are a young prince, don’t hit your face in the dirt through such actions.” You write that you are deeply convinced that there is no other source of prosperity for a person on earth and eternal bliss in heaven, except for the Church of Christ, and that everything outside of it is nothing, and you would like to pass on this conviction to your children, so that it would be, as it were, their secret life ; but it seems to you that you have no calling to teach and cannot speak with due force of conviction about this great subject. As a loving mother, pass on information about these subjects to your children as best you can. No one can replace you in this, because you should first explain your concepts and desires to others, and, moreover, others do not know your children and their spiritual disposition and needs; and, moreover, the words of the mother can affect them more than the word of a stranger. The instructions of others act on the mind, and the instructions of the mother act on the heart. If it seems to you that your son knows a lot, understands a lot, but feels little, then, I repeat, do not be upset by this either. And pray about this to God, may he arrange something useful about your son, like a message. You write that he has an excellent memory; use this too. Give him, in addition to instructions, soulful stories and ask him from time to time so that he repeats to you as he remembers and understands. Everything that he hears from you will first be stored in his memory and mind, and then with the help of God, with the help of experiences in life, he can pass into feeling. You complain that your mother distracts you from your studies with your son. You can explain to her directly that the benefit of your son requires that you deal with him, and she, as a reasonable grandmother, of course, should condescend to you in this without chagrin. I repeat: calling on God's help, act on what has been said, as best you can, as the Lord will enlighten you and as you can - without hesitation and without fear.

My opinion regarding reading is such that, first of all, the young mind should be occupied with sacred history and the reading of the lives of the saints, by choice, imperceptibly sowing in it the seeds of the fear of God and the Christian life; and it is especially necessary, with the help of God, to be able to impress on him how important it is to keep the commandments of God and what disastrous consequences come from breaking them. All this is to be deduced from the example of our forefathers, who ate from the forbidden tree and were expelled from paradise for that.

Krylov's fables can be left for the time being, but for now, engage the child in learning by heart some prayers. The creed and selected psalms, for example, "Alive in the help of the Most High", "The Lord is my enlightenment", and the like. The main thing is that the child should be busy according to his strength and directed towards the fear of God. From this, everything good and good, as well as, on the contrary, idleness and not instilling the fear of God in children are the cause of all evils and misfortunes. Without instilling the fear of God, no matter what you do with children, it will not bring the desired results in terms of good morality and a well-ordered life. When the fear of God is instilled, every occupation is good and useful. Special subtleties and precautions on this subject are not entirely appropriate. It is necessary to conduct business more simply, with the hope of God's help, which we must always ask for the prayers of our blessed father (Macarius).

Now I hear that you grieve beyond measure, seeing the suffering of your sick daughter. Indeed, as a human being, it is impossible not to grieve a mother, seeing her little daughter in such suffering and suffering day and night. Despite this, you must remember that you are a Christian who believes in a future life and a future blessed reward not only for labors, but also for arbitrary and involuntary sufferings, and therefore you must not foolishly faintheartedly and grieve beyond measure, like pagans or unbelievers, who do not recognize either future eternal bliss or future eternal torment. No matter how great the involuntary sufferings of your little daughter S., nevertheless they cannot be compared with the arbitrary sufferings of the martyrs; if they are equal, then she will receive a blissful state in paradise villages equal to them. However, one should not forget the tricky present time, in which even small children receive spiritual damage from what they see and from what they hear, and therefore purification is required, which does not happen without suffering; spiritual purification for the most part occurs through bodily suffering. Let's assume that there was no mental injury. But still, one should know that heavenly bliss is not granted to anyone without suffering. Look: do the smallest babies pass into the next life without illness and suffering? However, I am writing this not because I would wish the death of the suffering little S., but I am writing all this, in fact, to comfort you and for correct admonition and real conviction, so that you do not mourn unreasonably and beyond measure. No matter how much you love your daughter, know that our All-merciful Lord loves her more than you, Who provides for our salvation in every way. Of His love for each of the believers, He Himself testifies in Scripture, saying: "If the wife also forgets her offspring, I will not forget you." Therefore, try to moderate your sorrow for your sick daughter, casting this sorrow on the Lord: as He wills and is pleased, so He will do with us according to His goodness. I advise you to bring your ailing daughter to a preliminary confession. Ask your confessor to question her more prudently during confession.

You are obliged to teach children, and you must learn from children yourself, according to what was said from the Lord Himself: "Unless you are like children, you will not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven." And the holy apostle Paul interpreted it this way: "Do not be children with intelligence, but with the wickedness of infancy; but be perfect in your minds."

Schiegumen Anthony Optinsky

One day someone came to him in great grief that his only son, in whom he placed all his hope, was expelled from the educational institution. "Do you pray for a son?" the old man suddenly asked him. "Sometimes I pray," he answered haltingly, "and sometimes I don't." "Be sure to pray for your son, pray fervently for him: great is the power of parental prayer for children." At this word, the inconsolable father, who hitherto was not very zealous in prayer and in the church, began to resort to the Lord with all his heart and pray for his son. And what? After some time, circumstances changed, the boy was admitted to the institution and successfully completed the course there, to the great consolation of his father, who always remembered Fr. Anthony and told, saying that this simple word of the God-wise elder brought him the greatest spiritual benefit for his whole life.

Hegumen Boniface of Theophany

The Apostle Paul writes to parents thus: "Fathers, do not irritate your children, but bring them up in the chastisement and teaching of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4). Here is a reduction of all parental duties: the upbringing of children in punishment, that is, in the instruction and teaching of the Lord.

Noticing the awakening feeling and thought in the child, you need to give him food pleasing to the Christian. This food is predominantly in religious concepts. Let the sweetest name of the Lord Jesus be heard in the first place of the child; let the first ray of consciousness fall on the concept of God, our Creator, Almighty, Provider and Savior; let tender feeling will be shaken by the feeling of love for the Heavenly Father, in whose vast house he and his parents live, from whose right hand he receives not only everything necessary and everything pleasant for life - and at the very beginning of the emerging rational being of the child, that heavenly light will be kindled, which indicates the path of truth and of good.

To leave whims without correction means to doom those close to your heart to certain misfortune in life. Set limits to the whims of the child, curb the strivings of his will, accustom him to deprivation, need, patience, and you will develop moral strength, which consists in self-control and with which you can be happy amid the greatest misfortunes in life, firm and invincible amid the most stormy waves of life.

In family life, the necessary and natural teachers of God's blessings are parents. Giving life to their children, they, as it were, continue the action of God's creation and, therefore, bear the stamp of the power and power of God, which gives and supports the life of all living things. That is why the meaning of parental authority is guarded by God Himself, when among the ten commandments only one about honoring parents contains a clear promise of reward: "Honor thy father and thy mother, that good be unto you," it is added: "and you will live long on earth."

His Grace Ambrose, Archbishop of Kharkov

Stand yourselves, as the prophet says, before the face of God, be the mouth of God - then, through your mediation, God Himself will be the educator of the children entrusted to you ...

Do not limit instruction in the law of God to the study of lessons, but more often with love and reverence, as much as you yourself have, speak to them about God, the Father, the Provider and Judge of men, about God all-seeing, observing every thought and deed of man and blessing all that is good, turning away from all evil. Raise the thoughts of children to God, not only so that they know Him, but so that they remember Him as often as possible and turn their hearts to Him with love and gratitude. This is the science of walking before God and the fear of God, which instills the image of God in the heart of a person and teaches the child to discuss his thoughts and deeds for fear of offending God.

When discussing child misconduct, do not limit your remarks to the words: "How shameful or indecent", but say more often: "How sinful and terrible." How much you yourself understand the power of sin, how much you yourself are afraid of it - let it be written on your face. Your sorrow for the misdeed of the child will be reflected in his heart; your suggestion that you are responsible for his offense before God will make him afraid of the same responsibility. Then he will accept your penalty as God's punishment.

Teach children not only the words of prayer, but acquaint them with the state and experience of prayer. Do not make the prayer too short, do not be afraid for the fatigue of the children, lead them into the work of prayer, explaining to them the science of collecting thoughts and a cheerful stand of the mind before God. Pray yourselves in their presence with ardor and zeal: the warmth of your heart will be communicated to their hearts, they will know the comforts found in prayer, and it will be their joy and refuge in all the trials and sorrows of life.

Reveal to them the science of testing thoughts and inner struggle with sinful thoughts and inclinations. Tell them, as they age, the story of the origin of sin in a barely conscious thought, its growth in the agitation of feelings and inclinations of the heart, its stormy movements in impulses of passions, its extreme revelations in criminal cases - and then an impure thought will be as terrible for them as a criminal one. case.

Point out to them our weakness in the fight against sin, our constant need for God's help, and the invincible power of the name of Jesus. Give them experiences of inner victory over evil by the power of invoking the name of the Lord, and then they will be released into a world filled with moral dangers, with weapons in their hands.

Whenever possible, read to them the lives of the saints according to the four menaias, not being afraid of the difficulty of the language and the length of the narratives. The child's soul flares up with zeal for God when talking about the labors of ascetics and the sufferings of martyrs, the imagination is filled with bright images of saints, the memory is enriched with the experiences of virtues and wise instructions. Bad partnerships will be repugnant to the soul that has become acquainted in thought and heart with the community of saints.

When not a single member of the family can be left without evening and morning prayers, when the father does not leave the house on his business without praying before the holy icons, and the mother does not begin anything without the sign of the cross, when even a small child is not allowed to touch food until it will not cross itself - do not these children learn to ask for God's help in everything, and call on God's blessing for all, and believe that without God's help there is no security in life, and without His blessing there is no success in human affairs?

The faith of parents cannot remain fruitless for children when, in need and poverty, they say with tears in their eyes: "What to do? Awake the will of God"; in danger: "God is merciful"; under difficult circumstances: "God will help"; with success and joy: "Thank God, God sent." Here, always and in everything, God's goodness, God's providence, God's justice are confessed. Isn't this a living teaching about God and His properties? And since for children there is nothing higher and more precious than their parents, and parents with love and reverence confess that they themselves have everything from God and in everything they hope in God, that He is the common and all-good Benefactor of all: then will the children not feel and not Will they understand that “all by God live and move and have their being”, and then will they not love God?

The habit of exerting the will, which is required by feats of goodness, is acquired only from an early age... Where, in what human system of education, can you find so many objects for the exercise of the will, such closeness of them to any good activity and such adaptation to all ages and conditions? like in the divine school of the Orthodox Church? And it is remarkable that all these exercises are criticized by the majority of enlightened people today.

Why, they say, wake up a child early and force him to stand for whole hours in church without use? This is a futile torture. No, this is necessary in order to gradually accustom him to vigilance, attention, concentration of thoughts, patience in a feat, without which not a single good deed is accomplished.

Why do children in the temple always listen to the same thing? Then, in Orthodox worship, which to a superficial glance appears to be only a repetition of the same thing, there is an inexhaustible abundance of impressions and truths that call and dispose us to spiritual perfection, suggestions and examples that shame our negligence for virtue and our laziness.

Why, to the detriment of health, force children to eat coarse and unnutritious food, or go without food for a long time? Then, in order to teach them to expose themselves to hardships and courageously endure them, without which not a single feat, either Christian or social, can do.

Archpriest Alexei Mechev

The priest did not approve when parents, striving to go to church, left their children alone, without a guardian. He put the upbringing of children above other pious activities. Blessing the mother with the child and pointing to the baby, he told her impressively: "Here is your Kiev and Jerusalem."

“The ban used to be that our mother, two babies, was in the room and would go to church,” one of the father’s spiritual children said. “When walking through the temple with censing and seeing her, the father immediately strictly sent her home.”

One of the issues that Batiushka's conversations touched upon was the question of marriage and the upbringing of children. To those preparing to be fathers and mothers, and to mothers and fathers themselves, he pointed out that the question of Christian marriage and Christian upbringing in our time, the time of denying everything in the world, is the most topical and important: “When entering into marriage, Christian parents should think not only about their own personal happiness, but also about the future of their children, about bringing up Christians in them who are useful to the Church and society. But unfortunately, many parents do not think at all about raising a Christian person in their child. They think about his future in the spheres of external relationships, they represent him as a doctor, engineer, writer, send him to the appropriate educational institution and think that this is their only concern for the child.But at the same time, we see how often in the inner, spiritual life children are left either to governesses, or to themselves Not to mention the fact that many children literally grow up on the street, even those who are paid the attention of their parents, are all too often influenced environment, bad comrades and gradually deviate from the normal path of development.

Where does this multitude of boys come from, from the age of thirteen or fourteen drinking, smoking, debauchery? Where did these girls come from, barely out of diapers and already made up, rouged, curled? These are the fruits of the careless attitude of parents to education. How disastrously does this respond to the Church, which in every newly born human soul yearns to see its zealous and zealous son?

According to the father, in this complex and difficult matter of upbringing, there should be neither negligence nor excessive strictness and dryness. He supported this opinion with numerous and strong examples, both from the recollections of his childhood and his mother, and from personal experience and practices. He constantly said that the creative principle should be the love and sensitivity of a mother to her children. The mother should be the first and true friend of her child; true love will always find the right way to the child's soul, not allowing it to become isolated, but also not indulging bad inclinations.

Education, said the priest, should be Christian, on the one hand, and churchly, on the other. It is not enough to inspire a child with concepts of God and immortality, to try to kindle in him a sense of duty or to talk about the need for love for God and people. All this is very difficult to achieve without the parallel education of the Church. Divine service, leaving deep traces on the impressionable child's soul, gives abstract theological truths a real, vital coloring, makes them closer and more understandable. A child brought up in this way, who has known the Lord almost from the cradle, can go with greater courage and confidence to life path than a child who did not know the Lord as a child. Evil cannot triumph in the soul of a religiously educated person, and even if in the future he deviates from the right path, sooner or later the seeds of truth, sown in him by the caring love of his parents, will awaken him from the sleep of sin and lead him to lost Eden.

But in order to raise their children properly, parents need to look at their marriage from a purely Christian point of view. What is the failure and short duration of modern marriages? Batiushka argued that in the fact that, looking for marriage rapprochement, people think only about themselves, about their personal happiness. A man sees in his wife only a woman who gives him sensual pleasures, and very often closes his eyes to her as a person, friend, mother. A woman also marries either out of blind passion, which very soon fades away, or out of calculation. This selfishness, which has penetrated all strata of our society, is the reason for such frequent family dramas and divorces. A young man, the father said, who wants to marry, must remember that marriage is a cross, that he is given a weak, infirm vessel - a wife, whom he must protect and keep for his offspring. The purpose of marriage is primarily to bear and raise children. In order to bear the marriage cross, the husband and wife must put aside their selfish scores and live in the name and for their children.

Saint John Chrysostom

Just as no one can count on justification and indulgence in their own sins, so parents cannot in the sins of their children. Those fathers who do not care about the decency and modesty of their children are child killers, and more cruel than child killers, because here it is a matter of death and death of the soul. Therefore, just as if you see a horse rushing towards an abyss, you throw a bridle over its mouth, raise it on its hind legs with force, and often beat it - which, it is true, is punishment, but punishment is the mother of salvation - so exactly deal with your children if they sin: bind the sinner until you propitiate God; do not leave him untied so that he is no longer bound by the wrath of God. If you bind, then God will not bind; if you do not bind, then unspeakable chains await him.

"On Vanity and How Parents Should Raise Children":

As soon as the child is born, the father invents everything he can, not in order to order his life, but to adorn him and clothe him in golden ornaments and clothes. What are you doing, man? Please wear it yourself, why are you bringing up a child who has not yet tasted this madness in it? Why are you putting a piece of jewelry around his neck? We need a conscientious educator who would instruct the child, and not gold. And you release his hair from behind, in the manner of a girl, making the boy effeminate and weakening his natural strength, from the very beginning turning him into a lover of excesses and convincing him to strive for the unreasonable. Why do you arrange a strong conspiracy against him, why do you force him to be captivated by the bodily?

I will not cease to ask and beg that, before all your affairs, take care of the instruction of the children. For if you are afraid for the child, prove it - and you will not be left without retribution. Hear what Paul says: "If he continues in faith and love and holiness with a sound mind" (1 Tim. 2:15). And even if you know a thousand evils behind you, know that there is for you from your sins and some consolation. Raise a fighter for Christ! I am not saying that you turn him away from marriage, send him into the wilderness and prepare him for the adoption of the monastic life, I am not saying that. I would like this and I would beg everyone to accept this title, but if it seems burdensome, I do not force it. Raise a fighter for Christ and with childhood teach him who is in the world to be God-fearing.

If good teachings are imprinted in a soul that is not yet strong, no one will be able to erase them when it hardens, like what happens with a wax seal. You have a being in him that is still timid, trembling, afraid of both the look and the word, everything, anything: use your power over him for what you must. You will be the first to enjoy good fruits if you have good son and then God. You work for yourself.

Each of you - fathers and mothers - like artists who decorate images and statues with great care, let them take care of their amazing works. For the painters, every day setting the picture in front of them, cover it with colors, striving for what is due. Stonemasons do the same, removing what is superfluous and adding what is missing. So you, like those who make statues, use all the time we have for this, making statues for God worthy of admiration: remove the excess, and add what is missing, and carefully observe them every day, what a natural talent they have - to multiply it, what a disadvantage - to eliminate it. And with special diligence banish from them every occasion for licentiousness, for the tendency to this is most harmful to the souls of the young. Best of all, before he has time to experience this, teach him to be sober, to conquer sleep, to be awake in prayer, to mark all his words and deeds with the sign of the Cross.

Consider yourself a king who has a city subordinate to you - the soul of a child, for the soul is really a city. And just as in the city some steal, while others behave honestly, some work, while others do what comes to hand, the mind and thoughts behave in the same way in the soul: some fight against criminals, like warriors in the city, others they take care of everything that relates to the body and to the house, like citizens in cities, while others give orders, like city authorities.

So, lay down laws for this city... and watch them closely. Its limits and gates will be four senses, let the body be like a wall, and the entrances will be eyes, tongue, hearing, smell, if you like - and sensation. For it is through these entrances that the citizens of this city enter and exit, and through these entrances thoughts are corrupted and corrected.

Let us go first to that entrance, which is in the tongue, since it is the most lively, and before all others, let us erect doors and locks in it, not of wood or iron, but of gold ... that is, from the utterances of God, as he says. prophet: the word of God is "sweeter than honey and drops of honeycomb" (Ps. 18, II), " more valuable than gold and many precious stones". And we will teach them to be on the lips and in circulation all the time: not just occasionally and in between times, but constantly. And not only the shell of the doors must be made of gold, but they themselves must be made of gold and at the same time thick and dense, having instead of ordinary stones, precious stones on their outer surface.The lock for these doors, let the Cross of the Lord, made entirely of precious stones and placed in the middle of the doors as a basis.

When we have made these thick golden doors and put a lock, we will also prepare worthy citizens. What kind? Serious and pious speeches to which we will accustom the child. Let us also arrange for the complete expulsion of foreigners so as not to mix any harmful rabble with these citizens: arrogant and swear words, unreasonable and shameful speeches, vulgar and worldly - we will drive them all out. And let no one walk through these gates, except for one King. To Him alone and to those who are with Him, let these gates be opened, so that one could say about them: “Behold the gates of the Lord, the righteous will enter them” (Ps. 117, 20). And the blessed Paul: "Let no rotten word come out of your mouth, but only good for edification in faith, so that it delivers grace to those who hear" (Eph. 4, 29). Thanksgiving to God let there be words and holy hymns: let them always talk about God and about heavenly philosophy.

How can we achieve this and how do we start educating them? From the fact that we will closely monitor what is happening with them, because the child can easily be attracted to such (behavior). Why? Since he does not fight with others for money and fame, he does not have care for his wife, children and home, since he is still in childhood. What, therefore, is his reason for arrogance and scolding? All the competition is with his peers.

Therefore, immediately establish a law: do not be haughty over anyone, do not insult anyone, do not swear, do not be pugnacious. And if you see that the law is being violated, punish him: when with a stern look, when with a stinging word, when with a reproach, sometimes praise him and promise a reward. Do not abuse blows, so that he does not get used to this method of education - for if he gets used to the fact that he is constantly brought up with this, he learns to neglect it, and when he learns to despise it, then everything is lost. But let him be afraid of beatings all the time, let him not be subjected to them, let them threaten him with a rod, but do not use it. And let the threats not reach the point, but at the same time, let it not be clear to him that everything will end with threats: for the threat is then good when it is believed that it will be carried out, but when the one who committed the offense understands the intention, he will neglect it. But let him think that he will be punished, and not be punished, so that fear does not go out, let him (fear) remain like a growing flame that burns all the thorns, like a wide and sharp hoe that penetrates into the very depths. When you see that fear has done good, put it aside, for our nature needs reassurance.

Teach him to be friendly and kind. Let his mouth be sewn up for every slander. If you see him scolding anyone, silence him and turn the speech to his own misdeeds.

Persuade both the mother, the educator, and the servant to speak to the child in such a way that all together are guards and do not allow any of these bad words to be erupted from the child and from his mouth, that is, from the golden doors.

And don't prove to me that this thing takes a lot of time. For if from the very beginning you deal with it seriously and threaten and appoint such guards, two months will suffice both to correct everything and to give it the firmness of the natural state.

And in this way, these gates themselves will be worthy of the Lord, so that neither shameful, nor mocking, nor senseless is pronounced, but only what is fitting for the Lord. For if those who educate the army of the flesh in the campaigns teach their children to shoot with a bow, and to wear military clothes, and to mount a horse, and age is not an obstacle to this teaching, how much more those who fight in the high should be clothed in this royal robe.

So let them learn to sing psalms to the glory of God, so as not to waste time in shameful songs and inappropriate stories.

Now let's move on to the second gate. What? To those lying near the first and having many similarities with them - I'm talking about hearing. If we do not allow any of the criminals and villains to enter their threshold, they will cause a little anxiety to the lips - for he who does not listen to the bad and shameful will not utter this.

So, let the children not hear anything inappropriate, either from the servants, or from the tutor, or from the nurses.

Let them not hear the absurd old women's fables: "So-and-so loved such-and-such." Let them not hear any of this, but listen to something else, devoid of any evasiveness and told very simply.

When a child rests from the labors of learning, and the soul willingly spends time listening to stories about the past, then talk to him, turning him away from all childishness, because you are educating a philosopher, a fighter and a citizen of heaven ... and tell him: "In the beginning there were two children with one father, two brothers. Then, after a pause, continue: “Those who came out of one womb. One of them was the elder, the other the younger. One, the elder, was a farmer, the other, the younger, was a shepherd.

Make your presentation pleasant, so that the child finds some pleasure in it and it does not tire his soul. "The other planted and sowed. And he decided to honor God. And the shepherd, taking the best of the flocks, offered it as a sacrifice to God." Isn't it much better to tell about this than to tell about golden-fleeced rams and magic? Then attract his attention, for the story contains something, and do not introduce anything false, but follow the Scriptures: “When you offered God the best, fire immediately descended from heaven and took everything up to the heavenly altar. The elder did not do this, but departed from this: leaving the best for himself, he offered another to God. And God did not accept it, but turned away and left it lying on the ground - the same, the first ones, he took to himself. Just as it happens with those who own lands: one of those who bring the owner he will honor and accept inside the house, but he will leave the other to stand outside - so it was here. What happened after this? The elder brother was saddened, considering himself dishonored and surpassed in honor, and was gloomy. God said to him: "Why are you upset? Didn't you know what you bring to God? Why insulted me? Why are you displeased? Why did you sacrifice the remnants to Me?" If it seems that you need to use a simpler language, say: "He, having nothing to say, calmed down, or rather fell silent. After that, seeing his younger brother, he says to him: "Let's go out to the plain." And having seized him by cunning, he killed him. And I thought that it would hide from God. God comes to him and says to him: "Where is your brother?" He answers: "I do not know. I am not my brother's keeper." God says to him: "Behold, your brother's blood is crying out to Me from the ground."

Let the mother sit nearby, while the soul of the child is formed by such stories, so that she also helps and praises what is being told.

"So what happened after that? That (brother) God took to heaven, and after death he remains above." Let the child hear about the resurrection in such stories. For if miracles are told in myths, and a child believes, he will be all the more delighted when he hears about the resurrection and that his soul went to heaven. "And He immediately took him upstairs - this same murderer wandered everywhere, suffering misfortunes for many years, living in fear and trembling, and suffered a lot of terrible things and was punished every day. He suffered punishment not simple, but extraordinary, for he heard from God, that you will be on the earth in fear and trembling."

The child does not know what it is, but you tell him that just as you, standing in front of the teacher and tormented by the expectation of punishment, tremble and fear, so he feared God everywhere.

It is enough for him to be told up to this point: tell it in one evening at a meal. And let his mother tell him the same thing. Then, when he hears about it many times, ask him also: "Tell me a story" - so that he can express himself. And when he learns the story, then tell him about the benefits of it: "You see what evil is gluttony, what evil is fratricide, what evil is to think that you can rob God. For He sees everything, and even what is done in secret." And if you can instill this rule alone in the soul of a child, you will not need an educator, because this fear of God, better than any other fear, will present itself to the child and shake his soul.

Not only that, but also lead him to church, taking him by the hand, and strive to bring him there, especially when this very story is being read. And you see how he has fun, jumps and rejoices that he knows what everyone else does not know, what he anticipates, learns in advance and receives great benefit. And then this matter will be imprinted in the memory for the future.

There are other benefits to this story as well. Let him learn from you that there is no need to grieve when you endure evil. For God showed this to the child himself from the very beginning, when he accepted the one who received blessedness through death into heaven.

When this story has become established in the child's mind, tell him another, for example, again about two brothers, and say: "There were two other brothers, also the elder and the younger. The elder was a hunter, and the younger lived at home." This story will give him more pleasure than the previous one, since there are many adventures in it, and they, the children, become adults. “These two brothers were also twins. But after they were born, the mother fell in love with the younger, and the father fell in love with the older. Child, since I am old, go and cook game for me - catch a roe deer or a hare, bring it and cook it so that after eating, I will bless you. says to him: “Child, since your father ordered your brother to get him game, so that after eating he would bless him, listen to me: go to the herd and, taking young and beautiful kids, bring it to me, and I will do what your father loves and you will bring it to him so that when he eats, he will bless you."

In his old age, his father began to see badly. When the youngest brought the kids, the mother boiled them and, putting them on a dish, gave them to the child, and he brought them to his father. She put goatskins on him so that he would not be exposed, since his skin was smooth, and that of his older brother was hairy, so that he could hide and not see his father, and so she sent him. The father, thinking that this was really the elder, after eating, blessed him. Then, when the blessing is over, the eldest son comes and brings game. When he saw what had happened, he (in despair) cried out and wept.

Watching what a good effect it produces and not telling the whole story to the end, you understand how much you can get from it. First of all, children will feel fear and respect for their fathers, seeing how they are fighting for their father's blessing, and they would rather be subjected to a thousand blows than hear their parent's curse. Then it becomes clear from this that the womb must be neglected: for it must also be said that he did not receive any benefit from being the firstborn and elder, because because of the intemperance of the womb he sold the superiority of his birthright.

Then, when he has firmly grasped this, on some other evening ask him again: "Tell me the story of those two brothers." And if he starts talking about Cain and Abel, stop him and say: "I'm not asking for this one, but for the other two, where the father blessed." And others, give him instructions, but do not name names yet. When he tells everything, add to this what follows, and say: “Listen, then, what happened after that. made my son run. Then follows a deep teaching that surpasses the mind of a child, but with due condescension, it is possible to implant it in a childish, not yet strong mind, if we change the story, let's say this: "This brother came to a certain place, having no one with him - not a slave, neither a breadwinner, nor a teacher, nor anyone else. Arriving at this place, he prayed and said: "Lord, give me bread and clothes and save me." Then, having said this, he fell asleep from sadness. And in a dream he saw a ladder from the ground heaven, and the angels of God ascending and descending, and God himself standing on top of her, and said, "Bless me. And he blessed and called him Israel."

There are other gates, more beautiful than those, but difficult to guard - the gate of the eyes, because through them the soul opens to the sky and has beauty.

Here both the educator and the servant must make especially great efforts. Show him another beauty and raise his eyes there: for example, the sky, the sun, the stars, earthly flowers, meadows, the beauty of books, let him enjoy the view of all this. There are many others that do not carry harm in themselves.

Let him constantly listen to everything about Joseph, let him in general study what belongs to the Kingdom of Heaven, what reward awaits the abstemious.

If he is especially accustomed to not speaking obscene things, he will from the very beginning possess the required modesty. Talk to him about the beauty of the soul.

There are other gates, not similar to those, but passing through the whole body, which we call sensation and consider closed, but when they are open, they let everything in. Let us not allow him to touch either soft garments or bodies. Let us make them (the gates) firm. After all, we are raising a wrestler, think about it! Therefore, let him not use soft bedding and clothes. And let this be our rule.

Let's move on to the power part - to the will. It should not be completely cut off from a young man, nor should it be allowed to manifest itself in all cases, but let us educate them with early age in that, when they themselves are exposed to injustice, endure it, but if they see someone offended, then bravely come to the rescue and properly protect the tortured.

When he gets angry, remind him of his own shortcomings. Let him not be pampered or wild - but courageous and meek. For often he will need the help of anger, for example, if he himself will have children or become master over slaves. Everywhere anger is useful, and only there it is harmful only where we defend ourselves. Therefore, Paul himself never used it, except in defense of the offended. And Moses, seeing the offended brother, took advantage of anger, and very nobly, being at the same time more humble than all people; he himself, when he was offended, did not defend himself, but fled. Let him listen to stories about this too, because when we were still decorating the gates, we needed those simpler stories, but now, when, having entered inside, we educate citizens, the time has come for these, more sublime (stories). Let him have one rule - being offended or suffering evil, never defend himself and never leave without the help of another subject to this.

The father himself will become much better, while he teaches this, and he will educate himself for no other reason than not to corrupt by his own example; in doing so, he will transcend himself.

Let him (the child) learn to be neglected and contemptible. Let him not demand anything from the slaves, as is characteristic of the free, but in most cases let him serve himself.

Tell him: "If you see that a servant has lost his style or a reed pen is broken, do not be angry and do not scold, but be compassionate and merciful." Starting small, he can then endure even more serious losses when the leather case near the tablet (for writing) or the copper chain is lost. For children can hardly endure such losses and would rather give their soul than leave this loss unpunished. Therefore, let their anger be subdued at this time. After all, you are well aware that one who is calm and meek in these circumstances, becoming an adult, easily endures any loss. And do not buy him what he lost right away, just to extinguish his passion, but when you see that he no longer asks and does not worry, then save him from embarrassment.

This is not trifles, we are talking about the dispensation of the universe! Educate him so that he favors younger brother, if he is, but if not, then the servant - as this also applies to great wisdom.

With this, tame his anger so that good thoughts grow in him, because when he is not upset by anything, suffers a loss, does not need servants, does not become indignant, seeing that honor is being given to another, then what else remains, from which one can become angry. .

There is another thing: let him learn to pray with all diligence and contrition. And don't tell me that the child can't take it. For we see many such examples among the ancients, such as, for example, Daniel, as Joseph. Don't tell me that Joseph was seventeen years old, but think about how he attracted his father to him more than his older brothers. Wasn't Jacob the younger? And Jeremiah? Was not Daniel twelve years old? And Solomon, was he not twelve years old when he said that wonderful prayer; Didn't Samuel educate his teacher while he was still young? So, let's not despair, for the one who is immature in soul and not in age does not accept this. Let him be brought up to pray with great contrition and at night, as far as it is possible for him, to stay awake (in prayer), and in general, let the image of a holy man be imprinted in the child. For he who does not seek to swear, does not repay injustice with injustice, does not scold, does not hate, fasts and prays, receives no small stimulus to temperance from all this.

There is another thing: we move on to what is most important, on which everything is based. What is this? I mean mind. A lot of work is needed to make him understandable and drive out all kinds of unreason. For this is especially the greatest and most amazing part of wisdom: to know what is related to God, about everything that is there - about Gehenna, about the Kingdom: "The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord" (Prov. 1, 7).

So, let us establish and develop in him such a reasoning that he understands human affairs: what wealth, fame, power mean, and that he knows how to neglect them and strive for the highest. And let us engrave in his memory this advice: "Child, fear God, and besides Him, fear nothing else."

This will make him a reasonable and pleasant person: for nothing interferes with reason to such an extent as these passions. The fear of God is sufficient for wisdom and for having a proper and correct judgment in human affairs. For the pinnacle of wisdom is not to be carried away by childishness. Let him learn to regard money, human glory, power, death and this (temporary) life as nothing - and in doing so, be reasonable. If, however, experienced in all this, we introduce him into the marriage chamber, think what a gift he will be for the young wife.

Let the mother also learn to educate her maiden in these rules, turning away from luxury and from ornaments and from everything else that is characteristic of harlots. Let everything be done according to this law: let both the young man and the girl turn away from effeminacy and drunkenness. And this is of great importance for temperance: for young men are annoyed by passion, but by girls, love of dress and vanity. Let us overcome all this and thereby be able to please God by raising such fighters so that both we and our children receive the blessings promised to those who love Him, by the grace and love of mankind of our Lord Jesus Christ, to Him and with Him to the Father and the Holy Spirit, power, honor and glory now and forever and forever and ever. Amen.

Even if everything we have was well-organized, we will be subjected to extreme punishment if we neglect the salvation of children.

The corruption of children comes from nothing else, but from the insane attachment (of the parents) to worldly things. Paying attention only to this one thing and not wanting to consider anything higher than this, they necessarily already neglect children with their souls. Of such parents, I would say that they are even worse than child murderers: they separate the body from the soul, and these both together plunge into the fire of Gehenna.

We have no excuse when our children are depraved.

Parents will be punished not only for their sins, but also for the harmful influence on their children, whether they have time to bring them to a fall or not.

Leaving aside all excuses, let us try to be fathers of valiant children, builders of Christ's temples, trustees of the heavenly warriors, anointing and arousing them, and in every possible way assisting their benefit, so that we too can be accomplices in their crowns.

This upsets the whole universe that we neglect our own children: we take care of their acquisitions, but we neglect their souls, allowing an extremely crazy deed.

It is not enough only to give or offer admonition, but it must protect with much fear in order to stop the frivolity of youth.

During life and death, let us tell our own children and convince them that great wealth, and an infallible inheritance, and a carefree treasure are the fear of God, and let us try to leave them not money that perishes, but godliness that remains and is not expected.

If fathers carefully (Christianly) brought up their children, then there would be no need for trials, deprivations and punishments, or public murders.

Let us not take care to collect wealth and leave it to children; let us teach them virtue and ask them blessings from God; this, this is the greatest treasure, inexpressible, inexhaustible wealth, bringing more and more gifts every day.

Not one birth makes a father, but a good education; not carrying in the womb makes a mother, but a good upbringing.

If the children born by you receive a proper upbringing and are instructed in virtue by your care, then this will be the beginning and foundation of your salvation, and, in addition to the reward for your own good deeds, you will receive a great reward for their upbringing.

The (children's) age is tender, he soon assimilates what he is told, and, like a seal on wax, what they hear is imprinted in the soul of children. Meanwhile, their life then already begins to incline either to vice or to virtue. Therefore, if at the very beginning and, so to speak, on the eve of deviating them from vice and directing them to a better path, then in the future this will already turn into a habit and, as it were, into nature, and they will not so conveniently voluntarily deviate for the worse, because the skill will attract them to good deeds.

Do you want your son to be obedient? From childhood, educate him in the punishment and teaching of the Lord. Do not think that listening to the Divine Scriptures is too much for him.

Strive to teach (son) to despise the glory of present life; from this he will be more glorious and famous.

If you educate your sons, they in turn will educate theirs, and these will again teach theirs; continuing in this way until the coming of Christ, this work will bring all the reward to him who served as the root.