And you thought I was the same
That you can forget me
And that I will throw myself, praying and sobbing,
Under the hooves of a bay horse.

Or I'll ask the healers
In spoken water spine
And I'll send you a strange gift -
My treasured fragrant handkerchief.

Be damned. Not a groan, not a look
I will not touch the damned soul,
But I swear to you by the garden of angels
I swear by the miraculous icon
And our fiery child of nights -
I will never return to you.

Analysis of the poem “And you thought I was like that too” by Akhmatova

Akhmatova's early work includes many poems written in the genre of love lyrics. But they all described non-existent novels and did not affect the personal life of the poetess. Akhmatova remained faithful to her husband, N. Gumilyov, which cannot be said about him. Gumilyov started many novels. A sense of creative jealousy played a big role. At the time of the marriage, Gumilyov was already widely known and overshadowed his wife's work with his glory. However, quite quickly, Akhmatova also became a popular personality, and hidden rivalry began between the spouses. In 1918 Gumilev divorced his wife and left her alone with her child. Akhmatova was already in a very difficult situation. Her husband's act was an even greater blow to her. In 1921, she expressed her feelings in the poem "Did you think - I am also like that ...".

Akhmatova accuses her husband of boundless selfishness. Having abandoned his wife and child, he put her in an absolutely defenseless position before the new government. The poetess suspects that Gumilyov wanted to feel his male superiority and achieve tears and pleas for forgiveness. The self-satisfied man was probably making fantastic guesses about how ex-wife will try to get it back. In his opinion, a weak woman can resort to the help of charlatans and fortune-tellers. Such behavior was typical of Russian society in the troubled years of the early 20th century.

But Akhmatova has already experienced severe suffering. She forgot about that serene time when she could only count on female weakness. The revolution forced her to give up her dreams of justice and made her much stronger. In anger she curses her ex-husband. The poetess swears by the most precious and sacred things for her (“angelic garden”, “miraculous icon”) and even their joint happy nights that she will never humiliate herself in front of her husband and will not return to him.

By a fateful coincidence, the poem became one of Akhmatova's last appeals to her living husband. It was written in July 1921, and already in August Gumilyov was arrested and shot almost immediately. The phrase "I will never return to you" has become prophetic. And the curse against her husband turned into a real tragedy. Akhmatova herself did not comment on this episode in any way, but it is likely that she was very upset by it. The betrayal of her husband could cause a curse, but not a wish for his death.

“Ah, you thought I was like that too ...” Anna Akhmatova

And you thought I was the same
That you can forget me
And that I will throw myself, praying and sobbing,
Under the hooves of a bay horse.

Or I'll ask the healers
In spoken water spine
And I will send you a strange gift -
My treasured fragrant handkerchief.

Be damned. Not a groan, not a look
I will not touch the damned soul,
But I swear to you by the garden of angels
I swear by the miraculous icon
And our fiery child of nights -
I will never return to you.

Analysis of Akhmatova's poem "Oh, you thought I was like that too ..."

After breaking off relations with Nikolai Gumilyov, Anna Akhmatova mentally continues to argue and dialogue with him, reproaching her ex-husband not only for betrayal, but also for destroying the family. Indeed, the poetess has accumulated too many claims to this man, who first sought her love, and then threw it away like a toy. When she married Gumilyov, Anna Akhmatova was sure that she was sacrificing herself to the person who idolized her. The poetess herself does not feel love for her chosen one, believing that even without this it is possible to build a fairly strong and happy family. However, very soon the situation changes dramatically, as the poetess falls in love with her husband without memory. Gumilyov, despite the birth of his son, is increasingly moving away from his wife, whom he cannot bend to his will. Indeed, Akhmatova shows enviable persistence in matters relating to literature, and soon overshadows even her husband with her fame, who is sincerely convinced that a woman by nature cannot be a poet. Naturally, he is unable to accept defeat from Akhmatova, so the union of two creative personalities is doomed.

No matter what modern researchers of Akhmatova's work say, she continued to love her first husband until her death, although she admitted that sometimes this feeling was replaced by anger and hatred. Indeed, leaving her for the sake of other women, Gumilyov took revenge, depriving his wife of the opportunity to take a retaliatory step. It is for this reason that she mentally continues an unfinished conversation with him and in 1921 dedicates the poem “Ah, you thought I was like that too ...” to her husband. In it, Akhmatova openly accuses Gumilyov of treason, while emphasizing that she will never become like his chosen ones and will not beg for love.

The poetess knows true love cannot be a love spell, therefore she dismisses the opportunity to bewitch a spouse and refuses all those stupid deeds that desperate women often do. But she is not able to forgive the offense caused. Therefore, referring to the former spouse, he declares: "Damn you." She does not realize that very soon these words will be fulfilled. But at the moment when these lines are being written, Akhmatova is ready to do anything to make Gumilyov suffer. And her wounded female pride makes her take a terrible oath: "I will never return to you." Akhmatova manages to keep her word, but only for the reason that in less than a month Gumilyov will be shot, which the poetess will learn about only many years later.

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