They say there are no bad husbands. It's all about the woman's wisdom, or rather her pedagogical talent. Many ladies are sure that a man can be re-educated. Is it so?

Hello Igor! Tell me, can a man be re-educated at all? I don’t like some of his habits, I’m trying to wean them somehow, but so far without success. Leila, Magadan

Thanks for the question Layla! I have to disappoint you: it is almost impossible to re-educate an adult, even if he is not a man, but a woman. It is still theoretically possible to correct something in childhood, and not everyone succeeds: our manners, habits and behavior are almost 90% determined by genes and are embedded in us from birth. They say that a bull terrier must be beaten hard and painfully while he is a puppy. Then he will generally remember what pain is, because with age he will no longer feel this pain. People, of course, do not have to be beaten, but in childhood they are still afraid of something and obey someone. But an adult, as a rule, is not afraid of anyone and he simply does not have any authorities left whose instructions and wishes he would fulfill as unquestioningly as his parents. (Yes, even parents in childhood do not do everything by far.) Therefore, it is strange to hope that a person will suddenly take it and start working on himself, because his wife wants it that way. It probably won't start. And than more years for a person, the more difficult it is to change something in him both from the outside and for himself.

Therefore, the most experienced women have long understood that it is better from the very beginning to try to discern in the future husband all his shortcomings and immediately understand whether they can be tolerated later or not. After all, falling in love will pass, and the shortcomings will come out in all their glory, and even worse. With age, not only food deteriorates, but we all deteriorate. So first and foremost important advice- try to see everything in the chosen one at once and not only the good. No matter how deeply you fall in love with him. This good advice- it's just a pity that almost no one ever follows it. And so in 2-3 years living together you suddenly notice that you are infuriated by his habit of sitting at a computer for days, throwing clothes around the apartment, not lowering the toilet lid, etc., etc., etc. Previously, you just noticed this with disapproval, but now you infuriates. And tell me, who is to blame? You. It infuriates you, but he always was like that, you just took it easier. And why on earth would he suddenly start to change what you put up with before?

However, there are two ways to avoid divorce. The first is to change your attitude towards his shortcomings, that is, try to see the good in the bad.

Yes, clothes are scattered all over the apartment. But you can immediately see the one that is time to wash. Agree: if he put it in a pile in the corner, it would not be so easy. Yes, he sticks out at the computer all day - but you always know where he is. He does not hang around taverns and mistresses - they have long been replaced by various porn sites. Moreover, the whole apartment is at your disposal and you can do whatever you want in it. He will not even notice if you accidentally set fire to the carpet or bring a man.

And the second way to do without a divorce is to slowly accustom a man to something good so that he slowly weaned from the bad. Well, for example, he is used to living in a pigsty. That is, at first there was a cluttered parental communal apartment. Then a smoky hostel with friends and bottles instead of furniture.

And then you lived in a rented apartment, which you simply did not want to bring to mind, because it is also rented. And now you have your own apartment and clean. That is, you are trying to make it clean, but he still walks on the carpet in dirty shoes. How to wean? Remove carpet altogether? Lay black? No. Lay on the contrary snow-white. For this, carpet is perfect and it is better to cover everything with it. Well, his leg will not rise to walk in boots on this white silence. So he will take off his shoes. Then you can replace his beer can with cigarette butts with a beautiful ashtray and create a comfortable place for this troglodyte to smoke on the balcony. Put a chair there, for example. Only this is all without pressure and yelling, but very tactfully and delicately.

So that he likes it and he himself understands that it is more comfortable. In general, gradually you can achieve such miracles of training that you yourself will be amazed at the success. The main thing is that it does not look like training, but

It was perceived as a continuous concern for his beloved. You can also do away with his habit of eating on the couch. As soon as you learn how to set the table beautifully and serve delicious dishes, so the man will learn how to eat them beautifully at the dining table, and not from a stool.

But there are three habits when it is better to immediately part with a man: alcoholism, drug addiction and gambling. Virtually none of them is incurable, and the mild form almost always becomes severe. Ask any narcologist: he will confirm to you that five and only five insignificant percent of total number alcoholics and drug addicts are able to tie up completely. The rest can refuse the potion only for a while, and a return to the past is possible at any time. And, by the way, your leaving such a man can only help him.

Some still manage to give up their vice for the sake of the woman they love.

Still, the 21st century, which brought us so many useful discoveries and inventions, has created one serious problem for the girls of the whole planet: there are no more princes in the world! There are less than a dozen real princes, they are probably listed in the Red Book and, even sadder, they are already married ...
Therefore, it is worth paying attention to ordinary men which, fortunately, are plentiful everywhere!
However ... what to do if it seems that the man you like is not up to the prince, but you really want him to become ideal for you? Is it possible to re-educate a man?

The main question: why re-educate a man?

We will proceed from the fact that our wise readers probably do not mess with men who they do not like at all and are not suitable! After all, the “source material” must somehow attract, and suit the main parameters!

In general, the “naphthalene” advice to look for your destiny in the person of a man longer and more carefully has exactly this practical meaning - it is better to build long-term relationships with a man who in itself is as similar as possible to your ideal.

Because re-educating a man is always much more difficult!

Therefore, before trying to change something in a man, answer the main question: are you doing this for yourself or for your loved one? What will these changes give him (not only in the context of your relationship!), What advantages will he have in life?

These questions should be answered - it's not about training a lap dog, but about helping a loved one! The re-education of a man is really a help: for example, to rid him of habits that harm him, to broaden his horizons, to help develop some “asleep” qualities - gentleness, kindness, creative inclinations, self-confidence, etc.!

How to re-educate a man if you understand that it is necessary?

So, you clearly see in which direction to act.

But! In order for a person to really change, re-educate, he must work on himself and change himself! So you can immediately throw away the "whip", it does not work, but only destroys the relationship!

Taboo methods in the re-education of a man:

Blackmail (sex, home dinners, own good behavior- whatever). Believe me, sooner or later a man will not be substituted for your conditions, but will find somewhere else what you limit him to, and without any ultimatums!
Direct directive demands such as “Remember, never do this!”, “How much you can tell, it infuriates me when you do this, stop!” Does not work. Men get angry because of this, they don’t like being forced at all, and they especially don’t like being forced to change their usual, understandable and liking tactics of behavior, habits, etc.
Tantrums. Women's tantrums with tears and screams break the male psyche, like a house of cards hurricane! And here it doesn’t matter what topic the cries are about and how constructive the requirements are - the form of submission nullifies the entire construct!
References to "that guy". “But your friend Kolya probably helps his wife with cleaning on the weekend!”. “We have one guy at work, he never allows himself such rudeness as you - and his bosses love him!”. The maximum you can achieve is that a man will hate the characters described!

And what remains, what method is effective? Only "carrot", in other words - motivation!

It's good if you can find motivation "from the outside" - so that something changes in a man's life without your direct actions - so that he sees that the changes are really useful for him. For example, improving attitudes on the part of superiors if he quits smoking and spends less time in the smoking room, establishing friendly relations with his son, if he walks and plays with him more often, etc.

In general, any positive changes in a person are usually rewarded with some kind of "carrot" from life - another thing is that this may not happen immediately, and a man may not associate any success with the changes that have occurred in himself!

What motivation can you provide to your man?

For example, sincere joy and good mood if a man does as you ask him! And - not "Oh, well, finally you listened to me!", But "Wow, you did something, I'm so pleased!". And so every time you notice that he is working on himself and changing something!

Of course, you should first talk with a man once and very gently, calmly and without ultimatums express what changes you would be glad about in him. Exactly in this wording! A man must understand that the choice - to change or not - is still his!

The only "carrot" that can be veiledly promised to him (if there are no moments of third-party motivation) is your own happiness!

Now you know how to re-educate a man! And remember - maximum delicacy and no lectures, you are not his mother!

shutterstock.com

And then the question arises - how to re-educate him? And is it possible to do it? To wean a man from throwing socks around the apartment, leaving dirty dishes, picking his nose, smoking or spending money on lotteries - is this real?

The experience of some women suggests that yes, it is possible to re-educate. Katya, 25 years old, says:

“When Kolya and I started living together, I was annoyed by his habit of not putting back the things he takes. I told him about it a hundred times, but he wasn’t going to change anything. Then I started to hide his things. apartment, he was looking for them, but I didn’t help him, I just said: “We need to put them in their place.” He went to work, I “found” them, he was happy. And suddenly I noticed that he began to maintain order in his things. !

He also didn't give me flowers, even for the holidays. Then I started buying them myself. He thought that I had a fan at work, he began to be jealous, to say that I should not bring them home. I said: "Well, no one gives me flowers at home." And he began to give, at first he filled up with bouquets, but I said that a few flowers a month would be enough.

Alina, 28, shares her experience:

“We lived together for two years. He was neat and even economic, but he was a terrible miser. We even argued in the store about what kind of cheese to buy - he demanded one that was ten hryvnia cheaper. I tried to re-educate him, explaining that it was not happiness, but nothing worked out. For two years we didn’t even go on vacation, he was sorry to spend money. I realized that his stinginess was a diagnosis, and the greedy man disgusted me, and left him. But as soon as I left, he asked me to return so much that he even offered to go to Turkey. But I refused. It is impossible to re-educate such a goon."

Yes, a greedy man is almost impossible to train. It's just that his greed is stronger than all other feelings. And even if he gives you an expensive ring or bracelet, believe me, he will regret it so much and reproach himself for squandering that he won’t even be able to sleep peacefully.

To the question - is it possible to re-educate a man - the psychologist Prishchepa Ekaterina answers:

How can you re-educate a man? All the girls and women of the world would like to know the answer to this question. But it is very simple - no way. It's impossible. After all, a man is, first of all, a person and an individual. And an established personality cannot be changed or re-educated.

The final formation and maturation of personality occurs at the age of 18-20. Yes, you can say, but what about our development? Everything is simple here - we continue to develop throughout our lives, but to be precise, we discover new facets of our capabilities. That is, it turns out that a man can be influenced and changed in the direction that you want, if he has not yet been formed as a person. And even in this case, one should not forget about those qualities that are given to a person at birth, and they are unchanged.

Do not forget that both men and women tend to reject someone else's opinion. Remember how you feel when you are criticized or scolded.

Do not forget that male psychology different from women. And so we understand each other with difficulty. Maybe no one needs to be re-educated if you try to understand what and why a person is doing, in this case a man.

The only thing a woman can do in this situation is to try to find a compromise with her beloved, and to agree, but at the same time she herself will have to change herself. But, the most important means in "education" is love. When you love a person, you accept him with all the flaws and virtues, and when you are loved, you are ready to change for this person.

As Carl Gustav Jung said: "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemicals: if there is even the slightest reaction, both elements change."

French woman from nothing

can make a salad, a hat and a scandal...

But our young ladies from "nothing" often try to make Worthy Life Companion. Well, how not to be tempted by such an "approach"? Especially when, after a long pause in your personal life, you really want to find love ... but there are no suitable candidates on the horizon.It is then that women make the decision to "agree bye on what goes into the hands of itself”… and then… to “re-educate” him for himself.

Therefore, the question “Is it possible to re-educate a man?” at seminars and trainings I am asked with enviable regularity.

Let's figure it out first - Is it possible to change a man at all?

Of course you can!

…just not like that

as ladies usually do.

After all, it often happens. “I figured out what you will be. I know it will be better for you. And I like you I will do". The only question is - WHY? What's the point of this to you?

A friend of mine famously joked about this:

Women, going to change a man - be careful. If your efforts are successful, you yourself can become the first person he decides to REPLACE in his life.

Such a hint that a man with a new status, a new image (or a new something else) might be a completely different life partner.

Therefore, before "saving" a man after complex relationships and help him come to life (in the hope that he will then move mountains for you). Before re-educating bad guy»… (expecting him to tear everyone apart and throw the world at your feet)… Think….

Do you really need it???

So honestly, if you discard all hopes for "and then he is for me ..."

If we assume that everything will end between you once he changes/achieves his goal... In this case, is there any personal benefit for you to help him?

Maybe the same efforts would bring you more benefit somewhere else?

Okay, let's say we figured it out. But there is one more question.

What to do with those men who are already next to you. Whose attitude and behavior you may not particularly like. And I don’t want to expel everyone in one fell swoop from my life ...

Especially when it comes to

about husband, father, son, colleagues…

This is where the wonderful gift that nature has given women will come in handy.

What am I talking about?

About our feminine ability to change. And by changing, change the world around you and slowly change the men in your environment.

Yes, you got it right. In the matter of "re-education" of men, we will have to start not with them, but with YOURSELF! And that's why...

A man begins to change only when life puts him in a knee-elbow position and says "either you will change, or you will die." And only under the threat of death (or under the threat of losing something very important to him) a man can change.

In all other cases, even if a man promises you that tomorrow he will “become a completely different person” - do not believe him. He won't do anything unless absolutely necessary.

It will create an imitation of changes in 1,2,3 days or even for a couple of weeks. Then, as soon as you relax and start to succumb to him ... or lose your vigilance ... he will return to the previous level ... or maybe he will chop off his territory from you even more.

So if you decide to play the game "become the way I want (although if you don’t, I’m afraid of losing you and the way you are)' is a definite loser.

Because YOU want change, not him. You need it, but you offer it to do the main work. Yes, and in the appendage, you are afraid to be alone. This is a pure bluff. And the man is not a fool, he sees everything.

The only way to really make a difference is to start moving where you want to go. become yourself the one next to which people will behave differently.

Then, seeing changes in you, in your attitude towards yourself and towards him ... watching how other people's attitude towards you is changing, your man will also begin to change.

But even here there are exceptions.

I have two news for you on this matter at once - one is good, and the second, as for me, is excellent.

If a man’s only goal was to take advantage of you without giving anything in return, he will most likely leave, disappear from your life. Just because he will understand that now you have to try for your sake, you have to work and do something.

And he wanted to did you, for him…

This was the first news. And now the second one!

Changed into better side you will attract attention best men! Because your behavior, outlook on life, plans for the future and desires will be completely different.

Believe me, men always feel how brave a woman is in her dreams. Because the audacity of our desires spreads the wings of a man and gives them strength to conquer the heights.

Of course, it is up to you to choose - to change yourself or kick a man into a bright future from under the stick without any guarantees of success.

And remember, by changing yourself, you increase your own value. And no one will be able to pick her up when she is - she will forever remain with you. And certainly will not improve the life of some other woman.

From the bottom of my heart I wish you wisdom!

Did you land on this page by accident?

Re-educating a representative of the strong half of humanity is not such a difficult task, the male author of the site claims. There are several rather primitive methods of "training" the chosen one. What? Read more about it.

Or, for example, for exemplary behavior of a husband at home, you can cook his favorite dish. The main thing in this is make sure that he understands that you appreciate his efforts and reciprocate.

You - to me, I - to you

The second version of re-education by the "carrot method" is similar to the first. With the difference that here a woman is forced immediately say what she will do if he refuses an unpleasant habit for her.

By the way, women are by no means perfect. A man may well be annoyed, for example, by the habit of throwing underwear all over the apartment or an overly intrusive fragrance of perfume in the bedroom.

So maybe this is a wonderful occasion to please each other, getting rid of the source of quarrels and scandals?

Comparison with "bad" men

A good way to re-educate your man is to talk about your friend's husband from time to time. At the same time, he needs to be given all those qualities that you do not like in your soulmate.

For example, you tell how bad Masha's husband is. Often sits up with friends in a bar, comes home, smelling through tobacco smoke, and, without taking a shower, falls into bed. And add: I'm glad you don't abuse me.

Thus, you very tactfully hint what exactly you do not like. And if he appreciates and loves you, he will want to change.

If none of these methods work, we will solve problems "in a bad way."

The second way: in a bad way

How to re-educate a man

The second method is a continuous provocation and threats. True, of course, without crime.

Punishment for non-compliance

If the gingerbread does not help, it's time to take up the whip. Your loved one does not stop making rude and vulgar jokes about the representatives of the beautiful half of humanity? Tell him he can have sex with men since women are so bad.

A man likes to come home from work for everything ready, but at the same time he constantly lingers with friends to discuss " last news"? Leave him without food once.

Is your loved one refusing to change any more of their habits? Tell him that from now on he will only dream of a blowjob.

The comparison is not in his favor.

Another version of the "whip" is to shame a man. We do not like being compared to others, and this comparison is not in our favor.

If he cannot understand that his habits, "spree", easy flirting with your girlfriends are unpleasant to you, then is it worth it to continue to waste your nerves?

It is better to immediately threaten him with a break - perhaps he will come to his senses. And if not, then perhaps he is not the man you need.

Such a psychological attack will definitely have an effect. The only question is what will be its result. Again, it all depends psychology of a man. Without her knowledge, it is better not to be too zealous - especially if he is really dear to you.

Why does a man allow himself to be re-educated? More precisely, in what cases does he do it? The answer is extremely simple.

If a man loves you, if he needs you, if he values ​​you, then he will definitely change for you. Just do not forget that your significant other will expect the same from you.

Yaroslav KOLOMIETS