A beloved child refuses to go to kindergarten (“It’s bad there”, “I don’t want semolina”, etc.), invents diseases for himself or does not recover for a long time (“Head hurts again”, “snot is flowing”, etc.), complains for pain in the leg, stomach, but in the evening she runs around in the yard with pleasure.

So why doesn't your dear little one want to go to kindergarten?

Why doesn't he talk about what he did in kindergarten?

With whom he played, how he walked, who his friend is - ask about this, and not about what he ate and how he slept.

Do not think that everything will work itself out - there are few miracles in the lives of adults and children, everything needs to be learned.

Friendship is a relationship that develops against an emotionally positive background, sometimes it is even impossible to explain why children are interesting to each other. But friendship between kids 3-4 years old is fantastic, playing together is closer to the truth, playing with toys and relationships about these toys is exactly what parents call “friends”.

How children communicate about toys is also important; childhood friendships can grow out of these relationships.

Most parents do not consider it serious, do not attach importance to how the baby "finds" friends, and does he choose them? Believing that “he will grow up, find a true friend,” parents are mistaken. Everything is laid down in childhood, and if a kid at the age of 5 does not know how to communicate in a group with children, there will be problems.

Friendship in kindergarten

The first contacts of the baby with other children begin during walks with his mother. The baby perceives other children through the prism of their mother's attitude towards them. Everything is completely different in a kindergarten, where your child is left without support, where there are many unfamiliar children, where some aunt is instead of a mother, and everything must be done together with others, even if you don’t want to. And if at first there will be complaints about porridge, milk with foam, then a little later it will be “he / she hit me”, “they make noise”, “they don’t give a car / doll”.

If your baby does not talk about the events in the children's group at all, this is already a reason to worry, because there is a reason why he does not tell his mother about his behavior. A kindergarten, and later a school, is an opportunity for free self-expression, and if your beloved child does not talk about children, perhaps you once did not listen to him or scolded him for being active. Parents are the support for the "youngest" in the family, in any case, you must be on his side. This does not mean at all that one should “rush into battle with fists” or raise other people's children. The more actively you act for the good of your child, the more passive he will be. Why defend yourself if your mom does it? Why be friends if mom says that a friend is not good?

1. If you notice that the kid in the group plays alone, for the children he is, as it were, invisible, the children can run past, push him, but not even notice this - look for the reason yourself. It makes no sense to ask the teacher for help, she will not interfere. Watch and act. If you don’t see in the group the boy with whom your son recently played “cars”, ask where this boy is, sympathize that he fell ill, ask your son again after a few days if his friend has recovered. Similarly with girls, with one clarification - it is more difficult for them to choose a friend if the main friend is their mother. Responding to teasing or pushing is generally unrealistic for most girls. preschool age. Maybe a story with photos from your childhood will give this freedom, and the girl will answer?
2. Learn to be friends. Only not with words, not with explanations of how to be friends, but with deeds. To do this, conduct a simple experiment on yourself: you probably have a person at work who is personally pleasant to you, but you hardly communicate. How to offer him/her friendship? Come up and say: I would like / would like to be friends with you - right? Have you already imagined how this person will look at you?
3. It’s more difficult for children to make friends, there is no experience of socialization yet, so help is needed, only, here’s how to help? It is useless to bring a preschooler to a psychologist about this - they will not understand each other, because “to be friends” even for children of 7 years old is “to play together”. You need to start with common interests, with what your son / daughter and some other children of the group like kindergarten. Sports sections, family trips, but not a children's sanatorium or a holiday camp - again restrictions and lack of your support.
4. Do not panic, do not exaggerate the problem, take it easy on the fact of not having friends at this stage of life. Look inside yourself: Parental overprotection breeds wary children who are afraid to be free. The indifference of parents causes a feeling of insecurity in children, so they will avoid contact. Try to change your attitude towards the baby, and his abilities will increase, it will be easier to communicate with children. In addition, the attachments of preschoolers are changeable and unstable, so there is hope that even without the participation of parents, socialization will be successful ... in some cases.

Friendship at school or how to help your child not become an outsider

A new environment, a new position in life, but what if the situation repeats itself, the child has no friends as before, and he no longer tries to make friends with anyone?

From a psychological point of view, there is practically no difference between preschoolers and first graders at school, the difference in a year does not solve anything for communication. In less than 8 years, communication skills are not developed enough. Kindergarten is needed for this, so that the baby gets the first experience of communication through common activities, so that he finds ways to make friends. If the son was a bully in the kindergarten, he is unlikely to be "white and fluffy" in the classroom - stereotypes of behavior persist for life.

What children in primary school are not friends with

• with those who are “scolded” by the teacher, an adult authoritative person at the beginning of school life. Those who interfere in the lessons are “bad”, it is absolutely impossible to be friends with them, you will also be “bad”;
• with excellent students, because they still do not know how to use the advantages of such “friendship”. Yes, grades are not given in the first grade, but children are not stupid, they understand the difference between a smiling emoticon and a crying face. Those who always get a "smile" and do not know how to be a naughty - will receive "bumps" from children;
• with quiet people who, behind the backs of their peers, criticize their behavior, tell fables about them, while praising themselves;
• with closed children. They are recognized immediately, avoided due to misunderstanding, but not rejected in games and activities.

If you do not stop trying to make friends, at least one friend will be by adolescence.

But explain that friendship cannot be bought for sweets or money, you need to become interesting for peers. Only you, the parents, can help with this, the teacher will not do this, he will not be physically enough for a class of 30 people. Parents who don't blame their children on school can help them become strong, kind, and pleasant to talk to. For friendship, this is quite enough at school age.

1. If you don't like his friends, keep your opinion to yourself. Do not scold your son/daughter in front of strangers, do not criticize his friends or do it one on one in the form of a friendly dialogue. Take the difficulties of communicating with classmates seriously, empathize with the troubles, but if possible do not take an active part in resolving them. Children must learn to accept problems as part of life.
2. Never call your son / daughter timid, shy, do not say that he has no friends because of fearfulness or vice versa cocky. He must be confident, so use the mirroring technique even when listening to complaints about classmates.
3. The teacher's opinion of the children in the classroom is just a personal opinion. specific person and no more. The teacher will never know your son or daughter the way you know and understand him. Her opinion does not concern the friendship of children.
4. Always notice even small achievements, your praise is still important and meaningful at this age. Tell him that he is an interesting person, which is why other children like him so much. Do not impose communication with children on him, just briefly mention that it is more fun to play together, that being friends is great.

Teenagers at school and at home

V high school friendship priorities change, at the age of 12 a teenager has his own idea of ​​\u200b\u200bfriendship, and even under pressure from his parents, his opinion about friends will not change. Why does the grown-up son not listen to your advice, and the daughter is friends with guys? Because they see the world in their own way, and they will build relationships with peers only on their own. Adult intervention is only necessary in the case of bullying, if your child is being bullied or is not participating as a victim. It is necessary to intervene, because there is a real harm to the health or psyche of adolescents.

If earlier parents were friends, now the word "friend" refers only to people who are not family members. The opinion of friends is more important than the opinion of a father or mother, so with teenagers you need to be careful in choosing expressions. If a teenager considers someone a friend, you should accept their opinion. Criticism, sarcasm, ridicule towards a friend, a teenager will perceive as a negative in his direction.

A teenager who is not friends with anyone is a separate conversation, here the very help of a psychologist is needed. Perhaps the reason is in the class, in the relationship with you, in the refusal of the teenager himself to make friends. In any case, the problem cannot be let go

A child who has no friends: he quietly plays in a corner or watches other guys from afar. The situation is not uncommon and often painful for both the baby and his parents. How to help him?

This is problem

First of all, it is worth realizing that this is a problem. To brush aside and say: “It’s still small!”, “What are his years ?!” not properly. A person at any age needs communication with peers, and to a small child especially. Who likes to be an outcast of society? Frustration and fear of peers can lead to psychological problems further.

We create conditions

So, there is a problem, but it can be fixed, especially if you are ready to help him with this. Psychologists have proven that in children under 10 years of age, friendship is associative. That is, they communicate with those guys whom they meet in a certain situation (they live nearby, go to kindergarten together, their parents are friends), and are little puzzled by finding an opportunity to make friends with those with whom it is more difficult to meet. Thus, in order to help the baby, you just need to create a situation convenient for friendship, for example, invite the guys from the playground to visit, arrange children's holiday, take the baby to some kind of developmental circle, where there are his peers.

Language is the enemy

Often communication is not tied up just because the baby does not know how to start it. Such seemingly simple and primitive phrases as “can I play with you?”, “hello, my name is ...”, “let's be friends” the child may simply not know. Speak important words to him, explain that you need to be polite and unobtrusive. Arrange at home puppet show and play different situations to eliminate the shyness of the crumbs and teach them how to behave correctly.

Communication etiquette

Not only the first phrases, but further misbehavior can scare away potential friends. Not all parents take the time to tell their child that boasting is not good, they don’t like pugnacious and greedy people, and it’s bad form to discuss friends in front of them. Read a little more children's literature and analyze the behavior of heroes in friendship together.

Personal example

You can explain a hundred times how important it is to be good friend, or you can simply demonstrate a personal example, and it will be more effective. Make friends yourself, tell your child how important it is to help and give something to others, not necessarily material, spiritual - warmth, care, a smile.

friendship for friends

Childhood friendships are easy to break if interfered with. “Vovka did the wrong thing. Tell him that…”, “You have some kind of stupid one!”, “I would be offended if I were you!”, “Don’t be friends with them!” - such advice and intervention of parents will not end in anything good. You are in your place, and the child is in his place, and let him decide what to do.

be interested

But it doesn't have to be completely eliminated either. If you notice that the child is sad and worried, be sure to ask him what is wrong. It would be nice to be interested from time to time in what he plays with the guys, is it good for the baby in these games. The child should know that you care, and you are always ready to help.

Develop

A confident child makes friends easily, so develop your baby physically and emotionally. Sports clubs, communication with parents, compliments, love and affection - these are the most important things that the baby needs, which let him know: “You are good! You are the best! And many want to be friends with you! Try it and you will succeed!”.

At a tender age, children still do not know how to make friends. They can dig something nearby or build in a sandbox, take turns riding down a hill. But this is not friendship. The desire to be friends comes with the moment the baby grows up, when he wants to show other children his toys, play catch-up or ball. However, sometimes not everyone succeeds in finding friends.

This is noticeable on the playgroundwhen there are a lot of kids in one part of it, and a lonely figure in the other. It seems that the child wants to be where it is fun, but those boys and girls are not eager to communicate with him. It's sad ... Help comes child psychologist Olesya Shershneva, which is looking for an answer to the baby’s question “why is no one friends with me?”.

Psychologist Olesya Shershneva is convinced that children need communication, as this contributes to their development and formation. If there are no friends, this can cause different reactions, ranging from longing to resentment towards everyone around.

The specialist names the most common causes lack of friends in childhood:

• Aggressiveness of the child (fights, calls names);
• the desire to subjugate everyone around (does not play by the rules of others);
• hyperactivity (excessive activity of the child, which interferes with others);
• snitching and teaching others;
• untidy appearance, non-compliance with personal hygiene (unpleasant smell, dirty hair, nails like a "dinosaur");
• bad habits;
• passivity (uncertainty, shyness, anxiety, the habit that the parent will “destroy” everything);
• destructive ways of responding in a conflict (name-calling in response, fights, own provocations and reaction to other people's provocations);
• lack of a positive example in the family (often parents themselves are not very talkative and closed people, but for some reason the child is required to be sociable);
• lack of common interests (often very intellectually gifted children do not have friends, because “we have nothing to talk about. They are all on phones, and I love space”;
• greed or appropriation of other people's things.

If you see some points in your child, take action immediately! - the psychologist is convinced.

Help your child get rid of bad habits, make him more socially oriented. The specialist warns caring parents against making the wrong decision in this situation:

No “transfer him to another school or another class!”. It's a dead number! Everything will be the same! A child will study even in Africa, he always takes HIMSELF with him!!!

Does your child know how to make friends?

Mobile children early strive for communication and rapprochement with like-minded people, and if this does not happen, then they feel lonely. Children with a different temperament feel quite comfortable alone. Nevertheless, the problem of friendly communication is very relevant today, as relations in modern society are increasingly formal or businesslike. Meanwhile, friendship is very important in life - it's joy, it's understanding, it's mutual assistance! At all stages of life, a person needs close people who will help to survive troubles and share joy. Let's try to figure out how to help children make friends.

Friendship in kindergarten

The relationship of 3-4 year old kids is often called "friendship", although in fact it is more of a joint game in which communication skills are trained - the child learns communication, gains communication experience through joint activities. But the ability to "find" friends is laid at this age. If a child has not learned to communicate by the age of five children's team, he did not have friends - there is reason to think.

Because of problems in communication, the kid feels uncomfortable, refuses to go to the garden, begins to feign illness. If a child does not want to talk about his stay in the children's team, this is an occasion to look for the reason for secrecy and understand the situation: work on the factors that interfere with communication.

Tips for Parents of Preschoolers

• The parent should always be on the side of the child. But it is not necessary to seize the initiative, rush to resolve any children's conflicts or look for friends for the baby. The more active the parent, the more passive the child. Why learn to defend yourself yourself if your mother will always intercede? Why look for a friend if mom will find a playmate if necessary?
• Learn to be friends. Tell a preschooler by your own example how to make friends with a person who is pleasant: find common interests, play together. How to respect the personal boundaries of one's own and a friend's. You can invite children from kindergarten with whom your child would like to make friends, in family hike or visit.
• Try to find the reason for the lack of friends in the parent-child relationship. Overprotective children are cautious, act with an eye on adults. The indifference of parents is also harmful, as it causes a feeling of insecurity - the child avoids contact. Try to find a balance of care and independence in communication with the child.

Friendship at school or how to help your child not become an outsider

If the child had sluggish relationships with peers in the garden, then at school the situation with the lack of friends is aggravated. At school, relationships are now more often started for one-sided benefits, and not for mutual assistance. It is important not to lose trust with the child and be aware of his attempts to get closer.

What children in primary school are not friends with

• With losers who are scolded by the teacher for grades or bad behavior. V primary school the opinion of an authoritative adult plays a huge role. According to the logic of a child, you cannot be friends with a “bad” classmate, otherwise you yourself will become “bad”.
• With excellent students who are completely focused on their studies and do not participate in general games and pranks.
• With closed to communication children. It is difficult for other children to understand such a child. They shun him, but they accept him in joint games.
• With those who speak negatively about others behind their backs, spread rumors, fight.

Tips for Parents of Primary School Children

• Make it clear that chatting for candy or money is not friendship.
• Teach your child to look closely at classmates to get closer to those who have similar interests.
• Do not criticize the child's friends, express your opinion in a mild manner.
• Boost your child's self-esteem. Do not blame, do not focus on his shyness, bullying or other behavioral characteristics as the main reasons for the lack of friends. Be gentle, use the mirroring technique.
• Praise for success, do not take the side of the teacher when labeling “losers”, “excellent students”, “quiet”, “badass”. Your child's personality is multifaceted, and you, as a parent, know this. Tell your child that he is an interesting person and will definitely find a friend with similar hobbies.
• Do not force your child to communicate with children that he does not like.

Teenagers at school and at home

In high school, the opinion of friends for the child becomes a priority. Parents should be very careful about the teenager's friends, so as not to spoil the relationship with him. Ridicule, sarcasm, harsh criticism are unacceptable.

Intervention of parents in relations with peers is necessary in case of bullying, if the child acts as a victim or aggressor. If "friends" involve a teenager in criminal activity, in occupations dangerous to health and life.

Tips for parents of a teenager

• Don't discount the teen's problems, but don't panic either. Perhaps the feeling of loneliness is associated with resentment at someone's words or actions. Or the child does not show initiative in friendly relations because he is afraid of being rejected. Explain to your teen that friendship rejection is okay, even if it’s unpleasant. Both he and his peers have the right to "no", coercion and friendship are incompatible.
• Think about whether there were stressful situations in the child's life that deprived him of his friends: moving, moving to a new school. Maybe, difficult period you need to “wait it out”, and communication with peers will improve. Let the child go through this experience - support, let me mourn - show that these feelings are normal. Do not force things, do not expect from a teenager that he will quickly make new friends.
• If a child cannot cope with shyness, aggressiveness, or other features of their behavior that interfere with friendship, contact a psychologist. Information about the child's behavior outside the home can be obtained from the teacher.
• Communication problems arise if a person is too focused on his own experiences: "what others think of me, how I look in their eyes." Talk to your child about other children: what are their interests and habits, what do they like or upset about. Don't neglect teenage fashion. If it is important for a child to look "like everyone else" - go to meet him.
• Organize meetings with peers outside of school: trips to the cinema, to cafes, to events.
• Make sure that the child has an alternative social circle to the school team: in the sports section, in the theater circle.
• Do not impose a total ban on social networks. Instead, explain the safety rules. Teenagers communicate, including online, do not deprive the child of this channel of communication, although this impoverishes human relationships.
• Establish your own communication with the parents of the child's peers: in the yard, at school. Good relations between parents are a good basis for friendship between children.

Mutual respect and support in the family, acceptance, adequate self-esteem will help the child find friends, this is a matter of time.