Children's confession. Orthodox education of children. Why children go to confession from the age of seven
At what age should a child go to confession?
In my opinion, a rather important problematic moment in today's life of the Church is the practice of children's confession. The fact that children should confess before Communion from the age of seven has become the norm since the synodal era.
As Father Vladimir Vorobyov wrote in his book on the Sacrament of Repentance, for many, many children today, physiological maturation is so much ahead of spiritual and psychological that most of today's children are not ready to confess at the age of seven. Isn't it time to say that this age is set by the confessor and the parent absolutely individually in relation to the child?
Children at the age of seven, and some even a little earlier, see the difference between good and bad deeds, but it is still too early to say that this is conscious repentance. Only the chosen, subtle, delicate natures are capable of such early age experience it. There are amazing kids who, at the age of five or six, have a responsible moral consciousness. But more often than not, other things are hidden behind children's confessions. Or parents' motivations related to the desire to have an additional educational tool in confession (it often happens: when Small child behaves badly, a naive and kind mother asks the priest to confess him, thinking that if he repents, he will obey). Or some kind of ape in relation to adults on the part of the child himself - they like it: they stand, they come up, the priest says something to them. Nothing good comes from this.
In most children, moral consciousness wakes up much later than the age of seven, and I do not see anything catastrophic in this. Let them come at nine, ten years old, when they have a greater degree of adulthood and responsibility for their lives. Actually than earlier child confesses, the worse for him: apparently, it is not in vain that children are not charged with sins until they are seven years old. Only from a rather later age do they perceive confession as a confession, and not as a list of what was said by mom or dad and written down on paper. And this formalization of confession that occurs in a child is a rather dangerous thing in the modern practice of our church life.
How often should a child be confessed?
Partly on my own mistakes, partly on the advice of more experienced priests, I came to the conclusion that children should be confessed as rarely as possible. Not as often as possible, but as rarely as possible. The worst thing that can be done is to introduce a weekly confession for children. For them, it leads most of all to formalization. So they went and simply took communion every Sunday, or at least often (whether this is right for a child is also a question), and then - from the age of seven - they are also taken almost every Sunday for permissive prayer.
Children very quickly learn to say the right thing to the priest - what the priest expects. “I didn’t obey my mother, I was rude at school, I stole an eraser ...” This list is easily restored, and they don’t even meet what confession is like repentance. And it happens that for whole years they come to confession with the same words: “I don’t obey, I’m rude, I’m lazy, I forget to read prayers” - this is a short set of common childhood sins. The priest, seeing that besides this child there are many other people standing next to him, absolves him of his sins this time as well. But after a few years, such a “churched” child will not understand at all what repentance is. It is not difficult for him to say that he did this and that badly, to “mumble something” from a piece of paper or from memory, for which they will either pat him on the head or say: “Kolya, don’t steal pens,” and then: “You don’t have to get used to (yes, then get used to) cigarettes, look at these magazines,” and then on the rise. And then Kolya will say: “I don’t want to listen to you.” Masha can also say, but girls usually mature faster, they have time to gain personal spiritual experience before they can come to such a decision.
When a child is brought to the clinic for the first time and forced to undress in front of the doctor, he, of course, is embarrassed, it is unpleasant for him. And if they put him in the hospital and lift his shirt every day before the injection, then he will begin to do this completely automatically, without any emotions. In the same way, confession may no longer cause any feelings in him. Therefore, it is possible to bless children for Communion quite often, but they need to confess as rarely as possible.
Indeed, for many practical reasons, we cannot spread Communion and the Sacrament of Repentance to adults for a long time, but we could probably apply this norm to children and say that a responsible, serious confession of a lad or maiden can be carried out with a fairly large frequency, and in other the time is to give them a blessing for Communion, to introduce this not into the initiative of the priest, but into the canonical norm. I think it would be good, after consulting with a confessor, to confess such a small sinner for the first time at the age of seven, the second time at eight, the third time at nine, somewhat postponing the beginning of frequent, regular confession, so that in no case does it become a habit.
How often should small children receive communion?
It is good for babies to receive communion often, because we believe that the reception of the Holy Mysteries of Christ is taught to us for the health of soul and body. And the baby is sanctified as having no sins, uniting with his bodily nature with the Lord in the Sacrament of Communion.
But when the children begin to grow up and when they already know that this is the Blood and Body of Christ and that this is a Holy thing, it is very important not to turn Communion into a weekly procedure, when they frolic in front of the Chalice and approach it, not really thinking about what do. And if you see that your child was capricious before the service, brought you when the priest's sermon dragged on a little, fought with one of his peers standing right there in the service, do not allow him to the Chalice. Let him understand that it is not possible to approach Communion in every state. He will only treat him more reverently. And it’s better to let him take communion a little less often than you would like, but understand why he comes to church.
It is very important that parents do not begin to treat the communion of a child as some kind of magic, shifting to God what we ourselves must do. However, the Lord expects from us what we can and must do ourselves, including in relation to our children. And only where our strength is not, there the grace of God fills. As they say in another Church Sacrament - "the weak heals, the impoverished replenishes." But what can you do, do it yourself.
Parental involvement in preparation for confession
The main thing that parents should avoid when preparing a child for confession, including the first one, is slandering him with lists of those sins that, from their point of view, he has, or, rather, automatically transferring some of his not the best qualities in the category of sins, in which he must repent to the priest. And of course, in no case should a child be asked after a confession about what he said to the priest, what he said to him in response, and whether he forgot about such and such a sin.
In this case, parents should step aside and understand that Confession, even of a seven-year-old person, is a Sacrament. Interference by anyone in the Sacrament of the Church, especially such a delicate one as the Sacrament of Confession, is completely unacceptable. And any intrusion into where there is only God, a confessing person and a priest accepting confession, is detrimental.
In those cases when this consciousness needs to be formed in parishioners, it needs to be educated through preaching, through the very organization of confession, through preliminary multiple notifications that you don’t need to get too close, you can’t react in some way if you do something randomly. heard during confession. Maybe hold special conversations with parents and grandparents about their delicate attitude to the confession of children and grandchildren. All this, of course, in one form or another can take place.
How to teach a child to confess correctly?
It is necessary to encourage your children, rather, not to how to confess, but to the very necessity of confession. Through our own example, through the ability to openly confess our sins to loved ones, to our child, if we are to blame for him. When we go to take communion and realize our non-peacefulness or the insults that we have caused to others, we must first of all reconcile with everyone. and our attitude to confession, all this taken together, cannot help but educate children in a reverent attitude towards this Sacrament.
And the main teacher of how to repent for a child should be the performer of this Sacrament - the priest. After all, repentance is not only a kind of inner state, but also a sacrament of the Church. It is no coincidence that confession is called the Sacrament of Repentance.
Depending on the measure of a child's spiritual maturation, he must be brought to the first confession. The task of parents is to explain what confession is and why it is needed. They must explain to the child that confession has nothing to do with his report to them or to the headmaster. This is that, and only that, which we ourselves are aware of as bad and unkind in us, as bad and dirty and what we are very unhappy about, which is difficult to say and what needs to be said to God.
And then this area of teaching should be transferred into the hands of an attentive, worthy, loving spiritual father, for he was given grace-filled help in the Sacrament of the Priesthood to talk with a person, including a small one, about his sins. And it is more natural for him to talk to him about repentance than to his parents, for this is precisely the case when it is impossible and unprofitable to appeal to his own examples or to the examples of people known to him. Telling your child how you yourself repented for the first time - there is some kind of falsehood and false edification in this. After all, we did not repent in order to tell anyone about this. It would be no less false to tell him about how our loved ones, through repentance, departed from certain sins, because this would mean at least indirectly judging and evaluating those sins in which they were. Therefore, it is most reasonable to hand the child into the hands of someone who has been ordained by God as a teacher of the Sacrament of Confession.
Can a child choose which priest to confess to?
If the heart of a small person feels that he wants to confess to this particular priest, who, perhaps, is younger, more affectionate than the one to whom you yourself go, or, perhaps, attracted him with his sermon, trust your child, let him go there, where no one and nothing will prevent him from repenting of his sins before God. And even if he does not immediately decide on his choice, even if his first decision turns out to be not the most reliable and he soon realizes that he does not want to go to Father John, but wants to go to Father Peter, let him choose and settle in this. Acquiring spiritual fatherhood is a very delicate process, internally intimate, and there is no need to intrude into it. So you can help your child more.
And if, as a result of his inner spiritual search, the child says that his heart is attached to another parish, where his friend Tanya goes, and what he likes there better - and how they sing, and how the priest speaks, and how people treat each other, then the wise Christian parents, of course, will rejoice at this step of their lad and will not think with fear or distrust: did he go to the service and, in fact, why is he not where we are? We need to entrust our children to God, then He Himself will save them.
In general, it seems to me that sometimes it is important and useful for parents themselves to send their children to another parish, starting from a certain age, so that they are not with us, not before our eyes, so that this typical parental temptation does not arise - to check with peripheral vision , but how is our child, is he praying, is he not chatting, why was he not allowed to take Communion, for what kind of sins? Maybe we will understand this, indirectly, by talking with the priest? It is almost impossible to get rid of such feelings if your child is next to you in the temple. When children are small, then parental inspection is reasonably understandable and necessary, but when they become youths, then it may be better to courageously cut off this kind of intimacy with them, moving away from their life, to belittle yourself in order to have more of Christ, but less than you.
How to instill in children a reverent attitude towards Communion and divine services?
First of all, parents themselves need to love the Church, church life, and love every person in it, including the little one.
And the one who loves the Church will be able to pass this on to his child. This is the main thing, and everything else is just specific methods.
I recall the story of Archpriest Vladimir Vorobyov, who as a child was taken to Communion only a few times a year, but he remembers each time, and when it was, and what a spiritual experience it was. Then, in Stalin's time, it was often impossible to go to church. Since if even your comrades saw you, then this could threaten not only the loss of education, but also a prison.
And Father Vladimir remembers each of his visits to the church, which was a great event for him. There could be no question of being naughty in the service, talking, chatting with peers. It was necessary to come to the Liturgy, pray, partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ and live in anticipation of the next such meeting. It seems that we should also understand Communion, including small children who have entered the time of relative consciousness, not only as a medicine for the health of the soul and body, but as something immeasurably more important. Even a child should perceive it first of all as a union with Christ.
The main thing to think about is that attendance at the service and Communion become for the child not what we force him to, but what he must deserve. We must try to restructure our intra-family attitude to worship in such a way that we do not drag our youth to receive communion, and he himself, after passing a certain path, preparing him for the reception of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, would receive the right to come to the Liturgy and commune.
And perhaps it’s better that on Sunday morning we don’t disturb our child, who was having fun on Saturday evening: “Get up, we’re late for the Liturgy!”, And he, waking up without us, would see that the house is empty. And he ended up without parents, and without a church, and without the feast of God.
Even though he had only come to the service for half an hour before this, to Communion itself, he still cannot but feel some inconsistency between lying in bed on Sunday and what every Orthodox Christian should do at this time. When you yourself return from the church, do not reproach your child with words.
Perhaps your inner grief over his absence from the Liturgy will even more effectively resonate in him than ten parental proddings “well, go,” “well, get ready,” “well, read the prayers.”
Therefore, parents should never encourage their child to Confession or Communion at his already conscious age. And if they can restrain themselves in this, then the grace of God will surely touch his soul and help him not to get lost in the sacraments of the Church.
These are just a few of the points I have made regarding contemporary practice of child confession as an invitation for us to continue discussing this. But I would like people who are to a large extent more spiritually experienced and have had spiritual practice for decades to comment on this.
From the book:ArchpriestMaksimKozlov.
Children's confession: do no harm! Moscow: Nikea, 2014
The Christian tradition of remission of sins is confession. Not only sincerely repentant adults are allowed to this sacrament, but also children over 7 years old. It is believed that it is from this age that the child begins to understand "what is good and what is bad." True, the children's confession has its own characteristics.
A child should be introduced to religion from an early age. To do this, read the children's Bible together, attend church at least on holidays, and from time to time go through the sacrament. Instill spirituality in your child by leading by example. So the child will be tuned in to the sacrament of confession in the future. Before passing the ceremony, explain to the child the essence of confession. Focus his attention on the fact that this is not just a listing of bad deeds, but above all their awareness. The kid must understand that the point is not to talk about them, but to try not to repeat them in the future. Explain that during the ordinance the child will stand before God and the priest will be the child's spiritual guide and the Lord's witness. The first confession should not be held during the Sunday Liturgy, since this is a period of large crowds, it can be difficult for a child to concentrate and open up. It is best to arrange with the priest for another specific time.
But children's preparation for communion is special, individual.
As you know, you need to prepare for Communion and Confession, but children's preparation and children's confession are very special, incomparable to an adult. The task of a Christian, including a young one, is to benefit from Confession and Communion, therefore it is important that the preparation for the sacrament and the confession itself be carried out effectively and not overloaded. If the priest is experienced, this issue can be discussed on an individual basis, if the priest requires reading all the canons, a strict fast for the child, then big question is it useful ... At this stage, in my opinion, an individual approach is important, if a child from infancy in the Temple is one thing, if from case to case it is another.
You need to talk and explain with the child, and not command and drag by force
It is important to explain in simple terms to the child in advance, even before preparation, why he now needs to prepare for the sacrament. And in general, every parent should have a conversation with his child in a timely manner, that at the age of 7 his childhood ended, that adulthood and all the sins and bad deeds of God and his Angels are taken into account and recorded on him. And in order to be cleansed of sins, he must independently confess and take communion. What is supposed to repent at Confession, the child also needs and can be explained in advance, because you are well aware of all the bad deeds and inclinations of your child. It is not necessary for the parents themselves to write a note to the child or to force them to stand over the soul until he writes this note. Leave to the child his Confession as an individual one, and do not ask according to Confession what he confessed about, nor what the priest asked. If the child wants, then he will tell, if not, then no.
Alternatively, the preparation may be as follows, but it is important to discuss individually with the parish priest
On all issues related to fasting, I note that, in my opinion, it would be right to give up sweets for the first two days, on the second day to give up meat, but leave the opportunity to eat fish and dairy, and on the third day to give up fish and dairy. If the child is still small, then the third day we refuse fish, and leave dairy in the diet. By and large, this is all individually and is discussed with a specific confessor. Therefore, my reasoning in this case is more reasoning than a recipe.
The spiritual preparation of the child is also important.
It is important, in addition to bodily preparation, to prepare the child for the sacrament and spiritually, by reading prayers more often, reading the children's Bible, watching cartoons less, and for example, replacing them with watching the Law of God, it is in our gallery.
Everything is gradual, and prayers too
In all aspects related to prayer preparation, I will emphasize: the child needs to be accustomed to evening services, but if it is still difficult, you can first skip it, then come halfway, then stand completely. On the evening before Communion, just like adults, children do not need to watch cartoons, but need to read books about God and his Saints.
Next came the question of prayers. I am convinced that a child should be introduced into prayer gradually. First, as I think, it is permissible to read three prayers from the evening prayers, then after the "Canon to the Guardian Angel" read one prayer, after the "Canon to the Mother of God" read one prayer, after the "Canon to the Savior" read 1 prayer and then read 4 prayers from the "Canon to Holy Communion." I think this will be enough, but it is important to read them clearly, with attention, praying from the heart, but without developing a formal attitude to the prayer work. Gradually, the number of prayers should be increased. publishing house of the Moscow Patriarchate, where everything is prepared for children's prayer.
This material is collected from the patristic literature, which is freely available on the Internet, both separately (in fragments) and as whole electronic books, the volumes of which are very large for the modern reader, who, as a rule, is accustomed to capturing only the superficial essence. The author of this project systematized and selected the material as much as possible, highlighting the most important, focusing on his point of view.
The creator of this project does not claim the authorship of the presented materials and strongly recommends interested readers to purchase in printed form full versions patristic works. The sources used are indicated in the special section of our website "Recommended Literature and Sources", in addition, we have accompanied each book with a small review, useful for all concerned readers.
“Should a child fast before communion?”
- Again: if fasting is a burden for parents, then there is a problem with the child. And if this is the natural life of the family, then such questions do not even arise. The child eats what adults give him. Fasting is not a hunger strike. This is a change in your habits, lifestyle. The main thing in our life is not the number of prayers, not fasting - all this is just a means.
It is necessary not to prohibit, not to force, but that the child voluntarily accept such a way of life. If he was forced, he will break out from under the parental wing and still do it his own way, that's what's terrible. The Holy Fathers advise the child to be raised in such a way that when he grows up, when at the age of 7 he goes to confession for the first time, he himself feels like a Christian, so that he would take the yoke of Christ voluntarily.
It's impossible to force it. The beauty of such a life can only be shown. And when children are carried away by the spiritual life, they discover such wealth, which is incomparable with all the riches of the world. As in the Gospel: I found a pearl, went and sold everything for it. So is the spiritual life: if you find it, you will give up everything in order to live this life. It is necessary to help the child discover this wealth within himself, so that he does not think that this is all just external.
“If a child takes communion without confession, should he already somehow prepare for communion?”
- There are no special rules, but if it is possible that he does not eat before communion, it will be good. It is necessary to accustom the child so that from an early age he prepares for going to the temple, he was going to.
“When a child is preparing for his first confession, you need to tell him what sins he has, how to repent of them?”
We are used to drawing the attention of children to what they are doing badly. But after all, the main trouble is not that they do bad things, but that they do not try to do good things. The biggest sin is that a person does not do what he should do. They scold him, and the man realized that he was bad. But the sin is that he does not become good. The main sinfulness is inconsistency with the ideal, holiness.
What is repentance? This is a change of life towards the ideal, holiness. I have to correct myself. If I have only a vision of deviation, and not movement towards the ideal, this is the worst. You need to see the goal of the Christian life - pleasing God. How did I not please God, should I please, but did not please? He did not do this, he did not do this ... Our very sins are not in doing, but in not doing. Failed to fulfill his obligations as a child. Which? Obedience to parents, help, humility, one's duties as a student... When an adult comes and says that he has no special sins, this is evidence of his misunderstanding of the purpose of his life.
“Do parents have to somehow guide, suggest, or does the child decide for himself what to say to the priest?”
– Even before the age of seven, he must be prepared that the day will come when he will come for the first time to confession. This is a holiday! This is the first meeting of a child with a priest at confession. Parents give him a child from their hands. The priest must also be prepared for this. Pious parents warn me in advance.
I already know that the child has come for the first time and I need to talk to him. Here is another conversation - the conversation of the confessor, the spiritual nourishment of the child begins. Not just formally, the parents bring the child to church, but you need to bring it to the priest who will feed him later.
“Can I ask a child what the father said to him?”
- The secret of confession lies not only in the fact that the priest cannot talk about what he heard in confession, but the one who confessed must also keep it. Idle curiosity about the mystery of the spiritual life is sinful. Therefore, parents should teach themselves to humble themselves, not to ask such questions.
“And if the child himself wants to tell, because he is used to sharing everything with his parents?”
“Then shut up and listen. Then consult with a priest. But do not stir up this conversation, do not encourage. Still, a conversation on confessional topics should be only at confession. And the child must also be able to keep his inner world.
“Parents can tell the priest: the child, they say, does not do this or something else?”
- You can consult on issues that confuse parents.
Kravtsova M.V.“Nikita recently turned seven years old. He really looked forward to seven years, because everyone told him that only those who are over seven years old can confess, but he still has too few sins and that he is still too small ... He learned he also pronounce the letter "r" with the help of a speech therapist, although somewhat exaggerated. So the phrase that he uttered sounded something like this:
"Can I go to confession now? I'm a big grrrrrr now!"
(R. B. John).
Seven years is a mystical, biblical number. Age is special in a child's life. No matter how small he may still seem to us, from now on he is a person, albeit to a different degree than an adult, but still responsible for his actions.
Seven years is the age when a child usually starts school. By this age, he develops self-awareness, the ability for abstract thinking, which allows him to penetrate the essence of things to one degree or another. The concepts of sin and personal repentance become accessible to the child. And he enters into a new relationship with the Lord. And to realize this, parents need to prepare themselves and prepare the child at a time when he has not yet reached the age of seven.
Confession is a Sacrament. And it doesn't matter how old the confessor is. This is something parents sometimes forget when it comes to what they think is their tiny child. But the child has already been blessed by the Church for a serious participation in one of the seven great Sacraments. Prior to this, the child was baptized, anointed with holy myrrh, brought to receive communion. All this was done at the will and will of the parents, although the baby, of course, could very much desire, for example, communion. And yet, until the age of seven, he followed his parents. Now they will have to prepare for the fact that in the temple they will have to let go of the child's hand. From now on, he will no longer be able to approach the Chalice without confession. But this, of course, does not mean that now you can leave the young Christian to the mercy of fate, betraying him completely to his will. Against! Right now, more than ever, the child needs the help of an adult. But what will it consist of?
Sincere conversations with parents, which can begin to be held even before the age of seven, may direct the child’s heart to true repentance, help him understand himself, in his still small sins and temptations, so that one fine day with a desire to go to the temple “make peace with God.” Yes, even if these sins seem insignificant to parents, the child must himself experience the realization of the wrongness of this or that act in order to repent of it before Christ through a priest. Adults must act here very reasonably, carefully and carefully.
“Conscience requires the closest, however, guidance. Sound concepts, with a good example of parents and other ways of teaching good, and prayer will sanctify it and imprint in it sufficient grounds for subsequent good activity. Consciousness is a matter of extreme importance in life; but how easy it is to form "It's so easy to stifle in children. The will of parents for small children is the law of conscience and God. As much as parents have prudence, let them dispose of their commands in such a way as not to put children in the need to be criminals of their will; and if they have already become such - as much as possible to dispose them to repentance.As frost is for flowers, so is a departure from the parental will for the child; it does not dare to look into the eyes, does not want to use caresses, wants to run away and be alone, and meanwhile the soul begins to run wild. repentance, make it so that without fear, with confidence, with tears, it would come and say: “So I did this and that badly.” It goes without saying that everything it will concern some ordinary objects; but it is also good that the foundation will be laid for the future permanent truly religious character - to immediately rise after the fall, the ability to speedy repentance and purification of oneself or renewal with tears is formed" (St. Theophan the Recluse).
Affection, calmness, friendliness - this is the main thing that a baby should see and feel from parents who want to talk with him about the state of his soul. He must feel love. And even if the speech about repentance, about the future confession will be started by the parents in connection with some misconduct of the child, then even in severity he must again feel love. Of course, with a different child, sometimes a parent must be strict. But not irritable, not despotic, not selfish. If an adult is aware that in response to a child's misconduct he will not be able to restrain irritation, then he should not grab the baby by the hand and drag him to the icons with edification - but stand in front of these icons himself to pray not only for his child, but also for yourself.
It is unacceptable to impose something on the child, and even more so - to indicate:"Come to the priest and say this and that." Yes, and then demand an account, whether he confessed everything and with what words, and what the priest said in response. The secret of confession is inviolable on both sides, and the confessor is not obliged to share its contents with anyone. Really young christian"inferior", so that, according to some parents, this spiritual rule does not apply to him? You can unobtrusively remind the child of something before confession, encourage him to realize the sinfulness of some misconduct, read and explain the commandments again, but what exactly and how to say should prompt him to his own Christian experience. And never use books that list sins, neither you yourself, nor, even more so, with your child! As, alas, already numerous experience shows, these strange lists, distributed by no one knows whose blessing, are capable of causing real harm to the soul, especially to the fragile soul.
But one thing you, adults, must - not by force, not by threats, not by absurd tales - but instill in the child strictly. The child must know for sure - they don’t lie in confession.
Priest Artemy Vladimirov believes that a child can learn the meaning of the Sacrament of Repentance better than from books, from parental conversations. He writes that children whose hearts are brought up and strengthened in God are in great need of positive, bright and joyful emotions and sunny colors. That it is important to always be able to please a child, and this requires both the soul, and the heart, and the thought, and one's own experience of repentance. No, not to spoil children by "playing along with their passions," but, speaking of good, kindness, to inspire little Christians to really reach out to the light, so that they do not feel the gaze of condemnation and horror on themselves.
"Using only negative, bitter examples and words - and this is the greatest mistake!- Parents sometimes remind of their children the accusers of the Nuremberg trials. Adults so want to make angels out of them! But since the children do not always correspond to their idea of \u200b\u200bthe ideal child, the parents are likened to Ilya Muromets, and the child is seen as some kind of filthy Tatar, whom they are ready to hack with their own hands together with Taras Bulba. We’d better cut him down than see him not corresponding to our wishes!..” The priest writes that adults should understand that they have a person “who cannot be crushed like a louse.” Because God loves a person, and grace always carefully touches the soul and we should not get ahead of the action of grace by a straightforward and harsh dismemberment of conscience, but at the same time, we should not, having "let go of the reins", frivolously hope that the Lord Himself will manage everything, without our participation ("About the children's confession").
Yes, leaving a child alone with such a crucial step in his life - communion to Church repentance - is no less a mistake than forcing him to confess, handing him a "charter with sins", almost written by his parents himself. You can and should pray, trust in God's grace, you can rely on a wise priest, but parents must themselves - themselves! - to help the child realize the spiritual essence of the Sacrament. Father Artemy advises talking to children about their inner world without any lisping, asking the child - do you think he has any shortcomings that prevent him from living in the world? "Look at your heart, is there a thorn in there?" And, perhaps, quite often the child's conscience can convict of such a sin that it will cause nothing but a smile from the parent. But if the child shared with you - so do you really let him know that you do not take his little sins seriously? After all, it is useful for ourselves to remember that much starts small. But it should also be remembered that the sword does not cut the guilty head.
"The confession of babies can and should be preceded by a confessional conversation, which, of course, could be carried out by parents and educators who love children (if only they were not" butchers "in this surgical matter, if only they were" armed "not with jackhammers, like Stakhanovites, but he would feel! the fragility of the personality of the child, he would never go beyond the bounds of a kind and gracious conversation and would not turn it into an interrogation). feelings of guilt, to accustom them to self-esteem, to critical reflection on their deeds, words and, ultimately, emotions, intentions, innermost movements of the heart" (Archpriest Artemy Vladimirov "On a Child's Confession").
We will not talk here in detail about how specifically, in what tone, in what expressions adults should conduct conversations with this or that child about the Sacrament of Penance. Again and again, let us recall the individuality of each of God's creatures, no matter how small in years it is. And again, we emphasize the importance of the parental example. If a child sees reverence in the family in preparation for the Sacraments, if he sees joyful faces, shining eyes of his relatives when they leave the lectern after confession, or even their tears, he will understand without words that something very important is happening, far from any everyday life. Archpriest Artemy Vladimirov shares his memories of how his grandmother came home from the service (he himself was a tenth grader at that time) and said: "How good it was! I confessed and took communion. What a joy!" “She didn’t say anything else, but I remembered it all and after her death I began to go to the church of Elijah the Ordinary, where my grandmother went” (“About a Child’s Confession”). Moreover, a small child, so receptive to everything that he observes in adults, will absorb the feeling that the Sacraments are joy, this excitement, this light, this triumph ...
Much in how the child develops an idea of the sacrament of repentance, about his participation in this sacrament depends on the priest who will become the confessor of the baby. Of course, there is not always a choice, but if there is, parents should help their child find a person who will truly be his father in the spiritual life. However, not always the priest that we like can arouse a sense of trust in a child. Remember Marina Tsvetaeva, who lied in confession as a child, because it didn’t fit in her head, how could she tell a priest, a friend of her father and an academician, about her childhood nonsense?
Archpriest Artemy Vladimirov advises, first of all, to look for a priest who understands a child's soul, loves children, treats them with warmth, with genuine interest, "looks at a child like a bud that must either open or wither." Such a shepherd is aware of the responsibility for the soul of a child who comes to him for confession. Perhaps this may be a priest experienced in dealing with children, for example, if he himself is father of many children and has behind him years of work on raising his own children. "Such are the essence and the priests who, as they used to say in the old days, have a "repentant family" and work for many years to correct morals. All human ages pass before their pastoral eye." Father Artemy tells of a sad incident when, in a Moscow church, a young priest turned a girl who had confessed to him of stealing to face those who were standing, raised her pen and said as an edification something like: "Here is a pen that takes without asking!". The girl, having survived the shock, began to stutter ... "Therefore, those parents are not mistaken who, out of fear of such injuries, lead the child to a benevolent priest, whose heart is imbued with love for a person, for the soul of a child who has outlived irritability from his heart - a quality opposite to benevolence (Let's not confuse goodness with unctuousness, feigned politeness)". ("About the children's confession").
And how important it is to reveal to the child the essence of confession, not like a conversation of a priest with a parishioner, not as an account of one's sins or a heavy, though necessary duty, but as a true Sacrament performed before the gaze of Christ. How easy and light it becomes in the soul when we ask for forgiveness from someone whom we have offended - and we are forgiven! And if this is the case with people, then how much more wonderful, gracious, life-giving is the forgiveness of the Lord Jesus Christ Himself! And He never rejects the repentant.
It is He, the Lord, who is invisibly present in the Sacrament, accepting our repentance. The priest, however good he may be in himself, is only an intermediary. We again come to the conclusion that, revealing to the child the essence of Church life, it is necessary to do it in the name of Christ, always putting Christ at the head of everything. When starting confession, the child must know that before the priest he only reveals his sins, but he confesses to the Lord, who knows everything about him, sees the sins of the child, sees in general everything that happens in a person’s heart. You can deceive a priest by hiding some particularly shameful or unpleasant sin, but you cannot deceive God. If the confessor consciously decided not to talk about some of his bad deeds, the priest will still read the permissive prayer, but the Sacrament of Penance will not happen, peace with God will not be restored. At confession, the determination of a Christian to reveal all his sins without concealment is tested in order to abandon them forever. One way or another, all this child should hear from you, explaining these most important things in such a way that the child understands them not only with the mind, but also accepts them with the heart. "To put the soul before the face of God, so that the child believes, and therefore realizes, feels, feels the gaze of God, searching, omniscient - this is a task that cannot be carried out by any artificial means. Almost everything here depends on the arrangement of the soul of the shepherd and parents ".
Kid, if you offended your mother, quarreled with a friend, refused to help someone, then your conscience probably torments you. Is there really nothing that can be done, nothing that can be fixed? Of course you can. The Lord always accepts those who sincerely repent of their sins. Seeing the desire to improve, He grants forgiveness and cleanses the soul from the stains that sins leave on it.
You must explain to the child: if you want to repent of your sins and through this make peace with God, then first of all you need to make peace with those whom you offended, forgive those who offended you. What is needed is repentance that comes from the depths of the heart, a stubborn determination to lead a life free from sin, as the Lord has commanded us. You need to think about your behavior, remember what actions you did, whether you allowed any evil thoughts and feelings into your mind and into your heart. It can also be a sin that you refused to do something - for example, you didn’t help your mother in her work, you didn’t give up your seat on the bus to an old man. If you yourself did not tease your comrade, but calmly watched how others do it, did not intercede for him and did not console him, then this is also a sin. Laziness is also a sin. If you carelessly do what your parents, educators in kindergarten or teachers at school - this must be repented of. It is especially bad when you tempt others to sin. He ran away from the lessons and dragged his friend along with him - that's not the point.
So, before confession, think carefully about everything that you have done. Your best assistant is your conscience. So that your conscience will always help you to distinguish good deeds from bad ones, try to test it every day. That is, every time before going to bed, mentally, best of all in front of the icon, repent to the Lord for all the sins, big and small, that you committed during the day ...
All these are just general, approximate topics for conversations with a small Christian. We really hope that each parent will find the only words his child needs, and pronounce them in such a way that the child can HEAR.
We must also remember that children are much more vulnerable beings than we are. You can intimidate them with your own sinfulness, you can instill despair in a child's heart - having stumbled again after confession, the child may decide that now there is definitely no forgiveness for him. After all, he made peace with God - and again "deceived" him. One way or another, parents should convey a simple thought to the baby: although we must approach the Sacrament of Repentance with the determination not to let sin into our lives anymore, there is no need to despair if after confession not everything immediately turns out as well as we would like. It's rare for someone to make a quick recovery. But the Lord will always accept our sincere confession and will always forgive. A person can forgive once, twice, and then say: "Oh, well, I'm tired! You forgive, forgive, but you continue ...". The Lord will never say that - He will always forgive if you repent with all your heart. But one should also not think that because of the kindness and patience of the Lord, one can carelessly treat one's soul, say to oneself: "It's okay if I sin now - then I will repent." No, such thoughts are un-Christian. It is like wanting to deceive God, and you cannot deceive the Lord. We repeat: the Creator forgives sins to those who repent sincerely, who want to change for the better, who hate evil.
Before the age of seven, children must be taught to ask God for forgiveness. To make it clear that there is nothing better than a clear conscience, that this is the greatest joy. If possible, and according to the disposition of the soul of the child himself, he should begin communication with the priest to whom he will confess as soon as possible. “I can say from experience,” writes Archpriest Artemy Vladimirov, “that the sooner an attentive priest begins to communicate with the child, the better. But here communication itself is important, helping the child to see and, lowering his nose, admit his sin "(" On the Children's Confession ").
Parents must remember - the sacraments are not a pill. It is impossible to convince yourself and the child that under the influence of the sacraments his sinful habits will instantly disappear. It is impossible, in fact, to make such a desire the main, and even the only reason for accepting the Sacrament. For the essence of any of them is the union with the Creator, the acceptance of His grace into oneself. The rest we leave to the will of God.
Father Artemy writes that today children, like adults, are possessed by passions and tormented by sin. "But one must remember that healing is not always done instantly - the very going to confession is an invaluable virtue, even if a person does not correct himself and does not find the strength to correct himself ... These forces are from God, and a proud heart humbles itself in confession "Experienced confessors know that, for example, kleptomania is cured, but not immediately, as the soul humbles itself - the demon leaves it. I think that the priest should be especially attentive to the confession of children. The main task of the priest at confession is to warm the heart of the baby "Let's not immediately wait for the feedback. But when the rain comes down on the ground, does he know that he will grow on the land he irrigates?" ("About the children's confession").
The fact that before the revolution for children brought up in an atmosphere of religiosity, confession was precisely the Sacrament, mystery, a unique, exciting event, we can read in the books of Russian writers. The child clearly understood that it was impossible to lie at confession, that God sees everything, that one must be reverent and honest with God.
How to avoid addiction? How to make sure that confession, having become a truly Sacrament and a joyful event for a child, does not turn into a routine, into a routine? It is probably important for each child to determine his own measure - how often he should proceed to the Sacrament. Much depends on the parents, we talked about this above - encouraging a child to church life, at the same time, in no case should you put pressure on him, you need to help him develop self-awareness, a sense of responsibility, a desire to purify his soul, repent of misconduct. The sacrament of confession can sometimes be excruciatingly difficult, shame can burn even a very young soul. But then - what happiness! What joy of reconciliation with Whom - with the Lord Himself! After all, we reconcile with the One Who loves us above than the whole world can love, with the One Who is - Love itself ...
Bring it to the childish consciousness of your child! Help him feel this joy! And then - it can be said with confidence - no matter what awaits the matured child in the future, he will never forget his exciting, difficult, reverent and beautiful childhood confession ...
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Children's confession. Orthodox parenting
(Reflection on the upbringing of the children of the priest Ilia Shugaev - a father of many children)
Children usually go to confession from the age of seven. Sometimes the first confession of a churched child is made before the age of seven after a serious offense, which the child himself recognizes as a sin. Parents explain to the child that it is impossible to take communion with such a sin without confession, and the child himself decides to confess. In this case, until the child is seven years old, he can continue to receive communion without confession, unless another serious sin is committed. From the age of seven, children must confess before each communion, just as adults do.
It is very important for parents to prepare their child for the first confession. A child cannot be forced to confess - repentance must be sincere and completely free. A child can obey parental authority, but at the same time spiritual growth will not occur in him. Having matured, the child will refuse to confess at all. You can help a child think through his first confession by talking with him about what sins can be, how we can offend God and people. To do this, you can list the main commandments of God, explaining each of them. Do not remind the child of his specific offenses, insisting that he does not forget to confess them. It is also necessary to explain to the child that reciting sins at confession is only the beginning of repentance and it is very important that he does not repeat them.
Confession usually takes place before communion, so church-going children go to confession about once every two or three weeks. You can also confess without taking communion. Frequent confession, performed by a child without coercion, contributes to his moral maturation and responsibility for his actions. At the same time, parents should, by their example, accustom the child to frequent confession, resorting to this sacrament themselves.
Confession is made before the Cross and the Gospel, which remind that God accepts confession, and not the priest, who is only a witness to confession. Therefore, one can confess both by addressing a priest and simply listing sins without addressing the priest directly.
I would like the child to learn the correct understanding of confession. The priest at the Cross and the Gospel is not a judge who will decide how bad an act you have done. Confession for a child should be a spiritual "medicine". Just as a doctor sits in the doctor's office who treats us, and a nurse sits to help the doctor, so at confession we stand in confession before God - the Doctor of our souls - and a priest who, like a nurse, simply helps to confess. If confession is a judgment seat, then the greater the sin, the more difficult it is to go to confession. And if confession is a medical clinic, then the greater the sin, the faster baby will go to confession.
Although the child must understand that it is possible to confess to any priest, since it is not the priest who accepts our repentance, but God, it is nevertheless desirable that the child has spiritual father, that is, a priest with whom he could consult and solve his spiritual problems. To get advice, you can and should choose a priest. As doctors come in different specialties - someone is a therapist, someone is a surgeon, someone is a dentist. And each specialist is better versed in his circle of diseases. Also, confessors can differ in who sees what mental illness better and can help. It is easier for some of the priests to understand a child with his problems, for someone a teenager at a transitional age, etc. Therefore, it is better if the child chooses one of the priests himself and consults with him. This priest in this case will be the confessor, and the child will be his spiritual child. This does not mean that now it is impossible to consult with anyone else. Any priest, like any adult, has life experience and can give advice and you need to listen to him, and therefore you can consult with other people if you respect them. It's just easier to consult with someone you already have confidence in and who already knows you and your family a little.
Since children often get nervous at confession, especially if they rarely confess, it is better to invite the child to write down their sins on paper, which can be used to read the sins at confession.
After confession, parents should not violate the secrecy of confession and try to find out the sins of their children, or ask the children what the priest told them in confession.
When preparing for confession, you can use books, such as "To Help the Penitent", which lists possible sins as a reminder. This is especially necessary when the child confesses for the first time or has not yet confessed often. But it is better for children not to use the list of sins compiled for adults, so that what they read does not lead the child's mind ahead of time in the direction where the thought has not yet entered due to its childish purity. An unsuccessfully asked question in confession or a read name of a sin may not only fail to protect the child from it, but, on the contrary, arouse in him an interest in this sin. Therefore, when talking with a child about possible sins, one must be very careful and name only the most common sins. You can explain to the child those sins that he may not consider sins, for example, computer games with all kinds of "shooters", sitting for a long time at the TV, etc. But it is not necessary for a child to talk about serious sins, hoping for God and His voice in the human soul - conscience.
For a child from 7 to 12-13 years old (before transitional age) you can use the following list of sins.
Sins towards elders. Didn't listen to parents or teachers. Argued with them. Rude to elders. Taking something without permission. Walked without permission. Cheated on elders. I was capricious. He misbehaved in class. I didn't thank my parents.
Sins towards the younger. Hurt the younger ones. Rude them. He abused animals. Didn't care about pets.
Sins towards friends and classmates. Greedy. Deceived. Fought. Called offensive words or nicknames. Often quarreled. He did not give in, he showed stubbornness. Sneaked out.
Duties. Didn't clean the room. Didn't follow orders given by parents. Did not do or did carelessly homework.
Bad habits. Watched a lot of TV. Played a lot on the computer.
Sins against God. I forgot to pray morning and evening, before and after meals. He rarely went to confession and communed. I did not thank God for His blessings.
The listed sins are quite enough to give the child the right direction of thought, the rest of the child will be prompted by his conscience.
After the child enters the period of transitional age, the list of possible sins can be somewhat supplemented:
Cursed by mother. Tried to smoke. Tried alcoholic drinks. I saw obscene pictures. There was free treatment of the opposite sex.
This list can also be limited, again hoping that the direction of thought is set, and conscience will not let you forget more serious sins.