V Lately Oleg Radchenko's father noticed that his son did not receive calls from friends, no one came to him in the evening; and the son does not leave the house. He sits at the computer for hours, reading something or just watching TV. What the guy reads is good, - said the father. A computer and a TV are necessary things. But why did the son's behavior change so suddenly? Once the phone did not fall silent, everyone needed Oleg, he was in a hurry somewhere, solved problems with someone, even homework performed somehow. When the boy stayed at home on another day off, his father asked,

What worries him, why is he closed and unhappy? Oleg did not answer for a long time, but then he said that for some reason his friends had cooled down to him. Father said:
- It's hard to be a real friend.
- But I do not deny anyone anything - the boy shrugged his shoulders - let me write it off .. If necessary, I can tell you in the lesson. My mobile
- the guys enjoy it.
- Willingness to help classmates is good. And that's what worries me. You were friends with Mishka Senin. He stopped coming to you, does not call you on the phone. Have you had a fight? Have you offended him?
- When he answered biology, said nonsense, carried nonsense, everyone began to laugh at him, and so did I. He probably didn't like it. So they joke at me. I'm not offended.
- Insult is different from insult. Sergey Blinov often called you on the phone. And you laughed at him too?
- He could not or did not have time to do physics, asked me to explain, but I offered a notebook - they say, write off, I was in a hurry somewhere.
- Now I understand, said the father to his son. - Friendship is the work of the soul. With your ridicule, your refusal to explain a difficult task, you showed indifference. And if you think about it, you can remember many such examples. A real friend will not laugh for the company at the mistakes of another, he will be able to understand, give advice, and offer to write off tasks - nothing is simpler. If necessary, you can sacrifice your own time for the sake of a friend.
Oleg listened to his father without interrupting. He himself realized that being a true friend is hard. Time passed, and again Oleg's phone did not go off, the guys came to him, and he again disappeared somewhere for almost the whole day.

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We have faced friendship all our lives. Since childhood, we spend time with those we consider to be friends. Are they really friends? We consider everyone with whom we communicate as friends in childhood, but as they grow up, they become less and less. Why is this happening? Friends - what kind of people are they? Why do they play such an important role in our life?

What are friends?

To our great regret, the modern world dictates the rules concerning not only behavior in society, but also communication with the closest people. But are we really surrounded by people worthy to be called true friends?

Friends are those with whom we share our joys and sorrows, ups and downs. These are those who know a lot about us, but don't tell anyone.

Friends are people who are close to us not because of, but because of friendships. We call friends whom we trust and with whom we feel comfortable. These are those who will not quit in difficult times and, in spite of everything, will be there.

Basic types

There are several such types, so let's determine which of them your friend belongs to.

Take a look around and see what type your best friend is.

How to identify a real comrade?

Best friends are people who have the following qualities:

Celebration

Friendship was the reason for the creation of an international holiday. Friends Day is a great occasion to remind loved ones of their importance in our lives. Of course, the date is unofficial, and few know about it, but perhaps the situation will soon change for the better.

Friends Day is celebrated on June 9th. Do not forget to congratulate your close comrades on this day. Let the celebration be unofficial for now, but this is an occasion to please each other once again.

Now you know how to distinguish him from the whole mass of friends. Remember only that there are no many friends, or rather, it happens, but whether they are all real is a question. It is very difficult for one to go through life, therefore it is important that comrades are present in it. They will always support and help you if needed. If you have a person who possesses all of the above qualities, he is your best friend and communicates with you not for his own benefit. Appreciate it and cherish it.

Hello dear readers of my blog! The topic of friendship is as old as the world. Sometimes we ask ourselves the question - how to check a friend for friendship? Who will really always be there? A close and dear person nearby can greatly help in a difficult situation. How not to lose a true friend and recognize a snake warmed up in your heart?

Interrogation with predilection

The first thing you should think about is who do you call your true friend? What is it for you. There are people for whom it will be enough just to be sure that you can call at any time. Others expect obedience. Everyone finds people for certain purposes. Why do you need a friend?

How do you distinguish acquaintances, friends, buddies? Do they have something in common? What do you value in people? How does an acquaintance become a friend? And then a friend? Or do you immediately find a person who, from the first meeting, becomes the closest and dearest?

Realizing that there is friendship for you, you value in people, you, and who is just another acquaintance who will not rush after you into the fiery flame.

Understand this question for yourself, before proceeding to any active actions and checks.

Life situations

Before looking for ways to test your friend, think about whether you really need it. Remember that life itself throws up different stories in which people manifest themselves from different sides.

They say a friend is known in trouble. But I can tell you that apart from misfortune, loved ones are tested by happiness. A friend of mine was a completely ordinary person, worked in an office for eight hours, drove a car on a loan, and had a couple of three friends. One day he wrote an application for his phone and after a while he became a fairly wealthy person.

So here are his so-called, joke on him and in every possible way express their disdain. This all started to happen because of their envy. They failed to achieve what my friend came to. And success envy ruined their friendship.

You should not come up with any tests and checks yourself. It can only ruin your relationship with a really good person. This approach shows yours, and relationships cannot be good until people trust each other.

Watch your friends in life, if you have suspicions, just wait, and fate itself will show you the true face of your environment.

Who am I?

Think about yourself. Start analyzing your own qualities. Would you call yourself a good friend? After all, if you are not that kind of person, then how can you find loyal and decent people around you?

When you yourself can be a friend, are ready, listen carefully about the problems of others - then you can safely count on a similar attitude towards yourself.

You should stop looking for flaws in your friends. Don't think about things that haven't happened yet. Why don't you trust your friends? Could it be really yourself? Are you willing to give more than take?

Remember that you attract people to you. And the environment that you have now is your handiwork. Checking out today's friend won't help you avoid bumping into an unholy comrade next time.

Remember that trust is very important in friendship. You can only spoil a good attitude with your checks. Be yourself good friend and then you will be surrounded by kind and sincere people. I offer a book to help "About tasty and healthy relationships" who teaches you how to surround yourself with good people and how to protect yourself from unhealthy relationships.

Remember that friendship is a mutual process. You yourself have to work hard to reach full understanding with the other person. Friendship is not just fun and enjoyable. This is support, care, respect and much more. Appreciate people you can call friends.

Friendship is one of the finest forms of human relationships. People who are close to you in spirit make your life more interesting, fuller. They will come to the rescue in difficult times or give good advice.

However, among the people whom you consider your friends, there may be people who are not quite sincerely and honestly disposed towards you. Such individuals use others for their own purposes. In addition, you yourself may be delusional about how close your relationship with this or that person is.

To understand the situation, first of all you need to define for yourself the very meaning of the word "friendship". Think about what you expect from those close to you. Find a few qualities that true friends should have. Try to describe the relationship that exists between friends.

Friend list

Now see if the reality around you matches your idea of ​​friendship. If among your acquaintances there is a person whose portrait fits the description of a friend, analyze your relationship with him.

Remember whether this person supported you in a difficult or incomprehensible situation, whether he took your side if necessary. Think about how much this individual is interested in you, whether he asks about what is happening in your life.

Find out if you share your innermost thoughts with your friend, if you share any ideas with each other. People who have no common ground at all are unlikely to be friends. Therefore, consider if you have common hobbies, interests, tastes, goals, or principles.

A true friend

Remember that a true friend won't just criticize you. They deliberately try to lower the self-esteem of others, and due to this, only people who are negatively disposed towards you assert themselves.

At the same time, a true companion will openly answer your question regarding your new hairstyle or clothing. If you are interested in his opinion, be sure: he will not lie. You can rely on such a person. After all, a true friend values ​​truthfulness in a relationship quite highly.

Determine how interesting you are together, how often you see each other. Without maintaining a relationship, people can drift apart. And then yesterday's friend becomes just a friend.

Consider if there have been times when your friend neglected your company for the sake of someone else. There is a separate category of people who keep the so-called friends in reserve. And if something more interesting happens to them, they throw away their comrades without a twinge of conscience. Stay away from such manipulators if you do not want to be used.

Essay on the topic "Is it difficult to be a true friend?"

Friends are different. Surely every person has friends, good acquaintances - but everyone has one real friend. Is it hard to be such a friend?

Of course, almost everyone could become a friend, just "their own person." There are, as Pushkin wrote, “friends have nothing to do”. All of them will easily communicate with you. But being a true friend is not easy.

If you have trouble, what will your buddy do? He can sympathize, pat on the shoulder, "offer condolences" - no more. And a friend - the one who is real - will definitely try to help. Even if his attempt to help is doomed to failure in advance, and he knows about it - at least something he will do. Necessarily.

A true friend is usually from childhood. But the one with whom you talked all your life, played together in the yard, chatted at recess, went to the same institute, maybe just a friend. Very good - one that you will always be happy with, with whom you will have fun ... And a friend may appear at another time. But still, it is much more difficult to make friends in adulthood or old age than in childhood and adolescence. And it’s even harder not to lose them. Until they and you are forced to lose each other, a disease inevitable in old age ... whose name is death.

As Vysotsky sang: "If a friend suddenly turned out to be neither friend nor enemy, but so ...". What happens if your friend suddenly moves away from you? Is he really just "like that"? But let's continue Vysotsky's song: "Pull your friend to the mountains, take a chance ..." Perhaps a similar test for both of you - the only way to regain the old friendship. And if a friend is real, he will never leave you. "In sorrow and in joy" - these words are usually pronounced at weddings, but they are equally suitable for friendship. In grief, a friend will always help, in sorrow - he will experience your feelings, in joy - he will be glad with you ...

Yes, being a true friend is difficult. Yet such a friendship is wonderful. It should be in everyone's life. And if it is not there, then this is a sign that the person is either very unhappy, or simply "does not live, but exists." Take care of your friends.

Is it hard to be a true friend?

An integral part of any person's life is friendship with someone who understands and supports him. Blood relatives those who give the first experience of interaction with society do not always turn out to be good friends. Many parents tend to consider the baby not just an integral continuation of themselves, but their personal property. When excessive control and suppression of the child's independent manifestations reach a critical value, he closes in.

Having lost trust in family, little man

It's hard to get back intimacy with them. Therefore, for true friendship, personal space, respect for the boundaries of the other are absolutely necessary. This helps not to interfere where the person is not ready to let in or does not want, to which he has every right.

A growing person, determining his preferences, strives for close contact with his own kind. Unlike love relationships, friendships can arise long before interest in the opposite sex arises. Selflessness, sincerity and empathy are some of the main foundations on which the foundation of a lasting friendship is built.

The conventional wisdom that a friend is known in need is often

Loses meaning when faced with harsh reality. It so happens that it is happiness that becomes a real test. Envy of others' successes and wounded pride can play a cruel joke with people who have not spilled water until recently. Gradually they move away, find reasons to see each other as little as possible.

Honesty - as the ability to tell the truth in the face, even if you don't like it - is a kind of test of how much a person is capable of friendly relations... After all, they are not limited to get-togethers, reckless adventures and joint photos. One must be able to present the truth without hurting or humiliating another. But whoever has learned to do this is interested in the progress of a friend. Intimacy is challenging, but true friends can handle it.

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If you are wondering if your friend is a real one, then there is already a crack in the relationship. To understand what motivates him to be friends with you, start observing what he says and does and how he makes you feel. Just follow this instruction and you will soon find out the truth.

Steps

Part 1

See if your friend is supporting you. A true friend should help you feel needed, confident, and enjoy life. If a friend suppresses you, makes you think you are worthless, and it seems that you will not get out of him kind word, even when you really need his support, then this is not your faithful friend. If you want to know if your friend is a good friend, consider if his comments are encouraging.

• See if he compliments you. If a friend sincerely admires everything from your new clothes before achievements in work, it means that this is a good friend. If you can't remember the last time you heard praise from him, you may be in trouble.
• See if a friend is trying to cheer you up. If he supports you before an exam, interview, or even your first date, then he is a real friend. If you can't count on his help, even when you really need it, you may be in trouble.
• See if your friend is rooting for you. A friend doesn't have to constantly cheer you up, but a good friend should be your most dedicated fan and should contribute to your success no matter what you do.

1. See if he is listening to you. A good friend should take the time to listen to what you have to tell him. In true friendship, both need to share their thoughts and get a response. If you find that your friend is constantly talking about his own problems, but begins to get bored and distracted as soon as it comes to you, then you may have bad friend... Here are some signs that your friend is not listening:

   See how your friend interacts with you. Communication plays a key role in any relationship, especially friendship. If you are on the same wavelength, then you must be sincere in your thoughts and feelings and maintain an open and honest dialogue. Here are some ways to tell if you and your friend are actually interacting with each other:

   • If it seems to you that you can freely share your thoughts and feelings with a friend, if your friend knows what is happening in your life, and you are comfortable talking honestly with him about it, then you really have a good relationship... If you're afraid to tell your friend your true feelings because they might disapprove or get angry, then you don't have a connection.
   • If you feel like you know what your friend is thinking and feeling, then you have a close bond. If from time to time your friend surprises you with his statements or shares his feelings with anyone, but not with you, then there are problems in your relationship.
   • If you think it is possible to have a serious conversation with your friend when you think he is not behaving properly, then you have a close bond. If you and your friend can calmly say: “I was really offended that you didn’t come to yesterday’s party,” and discuss it, then you have strong friendship... Friendships cannot be perfect, and it is important to clear up any misunderstandings from time to time.
   • If you silently swallow your friend’s resentment because you think he’s overreacting or not paying attention to your comments, then there’s a problem in your relationship.

2. Consider if your friend is being honest with you. Honesty is one of the cornerstones of true friendship. If your friend is honest and open with you, then there is nothing to worry about. If he is lying, it does not matter, in small things or in a big way, about true friendship out of the question.

3. See if your friend is gossiping too often. If your so-called friend is still that gossip, then it is likely that in your absence he will gossip about you as well. Of course, everyone loves to occasionally grind bones with friends, but if it seems to you that your friend is constantly gossiping and saying nasty things about other people, then perhaps your “friend” is doing the same behind your back. Here are some signs that your friend may be secretly spreading rumors about you:

   • If your friend starts talking about someone as soon as that person turns away, then they are probably a bad friend.
   • If your friend regularly discusses people he calls his closest friends, then he may be discussing you too.
   • If your friend consistently speaks badly about those who are not around, then this is a bad sign.
   • If you know that your friend has been gossiping or saying nasty things about you, especially if it has happened more than once, then this is a fake friend.

   Part 2

   Pay attention to what your friend is doing.

   1. See if he is making an effort to spend time with you. A true friend will carve out time for you, no matter what. Of course, we live in a rush and sometimes we don't even have time to eat or sleep, let alone talk with friends, but a real friend will always give you a little time, especially if you really need it. Here's how to tell if your friend is really doing their best to spend some time with you:

      • If a friend regularly makes phone calls or meetings with you for lunch or dinner and always keeps what they promise, then you have a good friend.
      • If a friend seems to be at all does not devote time to you, constantly complains about the "frantic rhythm" of life and expects that you will adjust to his schedule every time, which means that there are problems in your relationship.
      • If your friend spends a lot of time with his significant other and his other friends, but not with you, then you are the last one who interests him.
      • Your friend's life can be very stressful, and that's okay. But if a friend is constantly too busy to date you, then most likely, he just does not spend much time with you.

   2. See if your friendship is equal. In an ideal friendship, both make an equal amount of effort to maintain the relationship, whether it be socializing, finding time to meet, or simply helping each other out daily, little or substantial. If you are doing everything you can for friendship, then your friend should also make reciprocal steps. Here's how to know that you are both working equally well on your friendship:

      • See if both of you are showing your affection for each other. Not everyone likes to hug, but if you hug your friend, he should also hug you back and hug you from time to time on his own initiative.
      • If you feel that you support each other in approximately equal measure, then you have a strong friendship. While one of you may be going through hard times, in general you should be equally encouraging each other. If you feel like you are constantly making efforts to brighten up your friend's life, but you are not getting anything in return, then there are problems in your relationship.
      • If you both help each other equally, then you have real friendship... Perhaps you took notes for your friend when he broke his arm, and as a token of gratitude he treated you to dinner, invited you to the cinema, or got tickets for a concert of your favorite band. Whatever you do for your friend, make sure they help you too.
      • If you're both equally concerned about meeting more often, talking on the phone, and generally being together, then you have a true friendship. If it seems to you that you are the first to offer to meet and call on the phone, and a friend never takes the initiative to meet with you, then there are problems in your relationship.

   3. See if your friend sticks to his word. An unreliable person cannot be a good friend. If your friend never fulfills his promise, sets you up or completely forgets about your joint plans, then you cannot rely on him. Of course, everyone makes mistakes from time to time, but if your friend never does what he says, then he does not value your time and your company. Here's how to tell if your friend is an untrustworthy person:

      • If your friend often let you down, it means that he is an unreliable person, and it is better not to deal with him.
      • If you constantly feel that your friend is irresponsible and does not make an effort to fulfill his promises, then he is an unreliable person.
      • If your friend constantly lets you down, even in matters that are important to you, then you are in trouble. If he refuses to go to the movies with you at the last moment, it can be annoying, but if he sets you up on a double date or when you count on him to give you a lift to a big basketball game, then you are in serious trouble.

   4. Consider if your friend has other reasons to be friends with you. It is very difficult to look at the relationship from the outside, but it is necessary. Take some time to think about why your friend might hold on to you if they don't value you as a person and enjoy being with you. Here are some common reasons why a fake friend might have grabbed onto you:

      • Popularity. If you are more successful than your friend and he grabbed you to enter your circle, then you are in trouble.
      • Wealth. Rest assured that having rich friends is great. So a person has the opportunity to do what he would never allow himself. If friends are with you only for money, they will evaporate as soon as you stop spending your money on them.
      • Convenience. Your “friend” can communicate with you because you regularly give him a lift or let him cheat.
      • Boredom. Your friend may be chatting with you simply because he has nothing else to do. You can figure it out when he leaves you, finding a new friend, new company or even a beloved (beloved).
      • Pay attention to whether the friend is fueling his own self-worth with your help. Yes, friends should encourage and support each other, but all is well, in moderation. If your friend is too intrusive, it's worth considering. If a friend spends time with you just to satisfy their ego and feel better, they are probably using you.

   Part 3

   Pay attention to how your friend makes you feel.

   1. See if he helps you feel good about yourself. A friend should be there, no matter what, and, of course, should instill in you confidence in yourself and your decisions. Your friend doesn't have to agree with everything you do, but your friendship should help make you feel good about yourself as a person in general. Here's how to tell if your friend is positively affecting your self-esteem:

      • If, returning from a meeting with a friend, you feel cheerful and inspired, or just chuckle, remembering how you were fooling around together, then friendship is good for you. If every time you say goodbye to a friend, you feel like you made a mistake, upset your friend, and generally got worse, then you are in trouble.
      • If a friend criticizes you to indulge his feelings, then you are in trouble. If a friend humiliates you by maliciously commenting on your appearance, figure or ratings, then this is not a real friend.
      • If a friend approves of your bold and correct decisions or empathizes when you do something wrong, then you have a good friend. When you make mistakes, a true friend should support you even more, not make you feel worse.

   2. See if it makes you feel important. If communicating with a “friend” makes you insecure that you are important to him, then you are in trouble. Of course, a friend doesn't need to shower you with deceitful compliments, but a true friend should always make you feel important, needed, and even irreplaceable. Here's how to tell if it helps you feel needed:

      • See if he expresses appreciation, thanks you for your help, and really appreciates everything you do for him. A true friend is always grateful for help; a bad friend doesn't express gratitude because he takes it for granted.
      • See if your judgment and opinion matters to him. If a friend truly values ​​you and considers you an important part of his life, then from time to time he will turn to you for advice and ask your opinion. If your friend doesn't care what you think of something, whether it's a movie to watch on the weekend or his decision to find a new flatmate, then your relationship is in trouble.
      • See if your friend is truly delighted with your presence. If, when you show up at a social event, a friend hugs you and says that he is happy to see you, then he is a good friend. If, when you appear, a friend reluctantly greets you or does not pay attention to you, communicating with more "cool" acquaintances, then you have problems.

   3. Consider if you are happy to be with your friend. It is important. Friendship is needed in order not to feel lonely and to enjoy the world around you even more, it should not complicate your life. If you find it more fun to be alone than with your friend, then you are in trouble. Here are some signs that socializing with a friend is weighing on you:

      • If you are in no hurry to see your friend, because when you meet, he only does what he says about himself and believes that you should run after him, then you have problems.
      • If you do not want to see a friend when you are in the company of your other friends, relatives or your significant other, because he cannot find anyone mutual language then you have a problem.
      • If you don’t enjoy spending time with your friend because your friendship isn’t inspiring, exciting, or captivating, then something is wrong in your relationship.
      • A black streak may begin in the life of every person. It may not be fun for you to spend time with your friend when he is going through a difficult breakup, but if it seems to you that your friend is constantly suffering and you cannot take on your own life, because all you do is try to bring him to his senses, then you have something to think about. You are a friend, not a vest into which you can cry endlessly.