Girls, there is an Arch-Important Theme about the attachment of our babies to us in infancy and its impact on their entire subsequent life! This article is very accessible and clearly illuminates this issue! Read it - you won't regret it!!!
“A 2-year-old girl constantly cries when her mother leaves home. And when her mother returns, the girl, although she is happy with her, may cry, angrily reprimanding her mother for leaving. At a consultation with a psychologist, her mother asks what is happening with a child, why does the daughter cry every time she parted with her mother?

To understand what is going on with two year old, when separated from the mother, even if she parted with the baby for a short time, we turn to the most important psychological education - the emotional attachment of the child to the mother.

Attachment is formed gradually. Infants over 6 months old begin to show obvious attachment to certain people. Usually, though not always, it is the mother who acts as the first object of affection. Within a month or two of showing signs of attachment to their mother, most children begin to show affection for their father, siblings, and grandparents.

What are the signs of affection? The attachment of a child is manifested in the following: the object of affection can calm and comfort the baby better than others; the baby more often than others, turns to him for consolation; in the presence of an object of attachment, the baby is less likely to experience fear (for example, in an unfamiliar environment).

Attachment has a certain value for the child in terms of self-preservation. First of all, it gives the child a sense of security in the development of the surrounding world, a collision with the new and unknown. Attachment manifests itself most vividly in a baby in a situation where he experiences fear. The child may not pay attention to the parents and willingly play with a stranger(provided that one of the relatives is nearby), but as soon as the child is scared or excited by something, he will immediately turn to his mother or father for support.

With the help of the attachment object, the child also assesses the degree of danger of the new situation. For example, a baby approaching an unfamiliar bright toy stops and looks at the mother. If anxiety is reflected on her face, or she says something in a frightened voice, the child will also show alertness and. turning away from the toy, crawl to the mother. But, if the mother smiles or turns to the baby in an encouraging tone, he will again go to the toy.

Parental behavior and attachment
Although infants seem to have an innate ability to experience emotional attachment, the choice of object, as well as the strength and quality of attachment, to a large extent depend on the behavior of parents in relation to the child.

What is most important in the relationship between parents and a child for the development of attachment? First of all, it is the ability of an adult to feel and respond to any signals of the child, whether it be a look, smile, cry or babble. Usually, children become attached to their parents, who quickly and positively react to the initiative shown by the child, enter into communication and interaction with him, corresponding to cognitive abilities and mood of the child. To illustrate, consider two situations.

Petya, a boy of one and a half years old, plays on the floor with toys. The mother finishes the housework, approaches the child and watches him play. "What a beautiful car and cubes. You got a real garage, well done Petya!" mother says. Petya smiles and continues to play. Mom picks up a book and starts reading. Several minutes passed. Petya takes a children's book, approaches his mother, and tries to climb onto her lap. The mother puts the baby on her lap, puts down her book and says: "Do you want me to read this book to you?" Petya answers "yes", the mother begins to read.

Another two-year-old boy, Sasha, plays with toys. Having finished his business, the mother tells him: "Come to me, I will read you an interesting book." Sasha turns around, but does not go up to his mother, but continues to enthusiastically roll the car. The mother comes up to her son and takes her in her arms and says: "Let's read." Sasha breaks free and protests. His mother releases him and Sasha returns to his toys. Later, after finishing the game, Sasha takes the children's book and approaches his mother, trying to get on her knees. "No," says the mother, "you didn't want to read when I offered you, and now I'm busy."

In the first situation, the mother was responsive and attentive to the child, she was guided by his needs (she gave him the opportunity to finish playing the game), sensitively reacted to the child's initiative (a request to read a book).

In the second situation, the mother is more inclined to "adjust the child for herself", regardless of his needs and desires.

Psychologists have established that necessary qualities, contributing to the development of a child's attachment to mother or father are their warmth, gentleness, tenderness in relations with the child, encouragement and emotional support. Parents, to whom children are strongly attached, when giving instructions to the child, pronounce them softly with warmth, often praise the child, approve of his actions.

Depending on the behavior of the parents, the characteristics of their interaction and communication with the child, the baby develops a certain type of attachment to the father and mother.

The most popular method for assessing the quality of a child's attachment to an adult was the experiment of the American psychologist Mary Ainsworth. This experiment was called "Unfamiliar Situation" and consists of several three-minute episodes during which the child is left alone in an unfamiliar environment, alone with an unfamiliar adult, an unfamiliar adult and mother. The key episodes are when the mother leaves the child first with a stranger, then alone. A few minutes later, the mother returns to the baby. The nature of the child's attachment to the mother is judged on the basis of the degree of distress of the baby after the departure of the mother and the behavior of the child after her return.

As a result of the study, three groups of children were identified. Children who were not very upset after the mother left, entered into communication with a stranger and explored the new room (for example, playing with toys), and when the mother returned, rejoiced and were drawn to her, were called "securely attached." Children who did not mind the departure of their mother and continued to play, not paying attention to her return, were called "indifferent, insecurely attached." And the children of the third group, who were very upset after the departure of the mother, and when she returned, as if they were striving for her, clinging, but immediately repulsed and angry, were called "affective, insecurely attached."

Subsequent studies have shown that the type of child's attachment to parents affects the further mental and personal development child. The most favorable for development is a secure attachment. The reliable attachment of a child to his mother in the first years of life lays the foundation for a sense of security and trust in the world around him. Such children already in early childhood show sociability, ingenuity, ingenuity in games. in preschool and adolescence they demonstrate leadership traits, are distinguished by initiative, responsiveness, sympathy, and are popular among their peers.

Children with insecure attachment (affective, ambivalent and indifferent, avoidant) are often more dependent, require more attention from adults, their behavior is unstable and contradictory compared to children with secure attachment.

How does attachment, established in early childhood, affect the behavior of the child in the future?

In the process of repeated interactions with the mother and other relatives, the child develops the so-called "working models of himself and other people." In the future, they help him navigate new situations, interpret them and respond appropriately. Attentive, sensitive, caring parents form in the child a sense of basic trust in the world, a positive working model of others is created. Disharmonious relationships, which are characterized by insensitivity to initiative, disregard for the interests of the child, an obsessive style of relationships, on the contrary, lead to the formation of a negative working model. Using the example of relationships with parents, the child is convinced that other people, like parents, are not reliable, predictable partners who can be trusted. The result of interaction and communication with parents is also a "working model of yourself." With a positive model, the child develops initiative, independence, self-confidence and self-respect, and with a negative model, passivity, dependence on others, a distorted image of the Self.

From the point of view of the famous American psychologist P. Crittenden, in order to understand how attachments are formed, it is important to take into account the predominant type of processing and integration of information by the child.

Ways of processing information: affective (emotional) or cognitive (mental) determine the strategies of the child's behavior in relation to loved ones. If an adult responds adequately to the child's initiatives and feelings, the child's behavior is "fixed" and will be reproduced in a similar situation. In cases where the child's manifestations are rejected or cause unpleasant consequences for him, the behavior receives negative reinforcement and will subsequently be hidden. Such a child will avoid open expression of his emotions and needs, as if hiding his state, experiences, his affection is "avoidant". Children who are in one year old showed an "avoidant" type of attachment, usually had an experience of rejection by the mother when trying to emotional, affective interaction with her. Such a mother rarely takes the child in her arms, does not show tenderness, pushes him away when trying to hug and caress. If the baby protests against such behavior of the mother, then her anger at the child is added to the rejection. So the baby learns that the results of emotional manifestations, love towards the mother can cause unpredictable and dangerous consequences, and learns to be restrained.

In the case when the mother does not accept the child, but demonstrates positive emotions in response to his behavior, i.e. her affective reactions are insincere, it is even more difficult for a child to foresee the consequences of her emotional manifestations. Such parents first confirm the need for intimacy and contact with the child, but as soon as he reciprocates them, they reject contact.

Some mothers are sincere but inconsistent in their emotional interaction with the child. They are sometimes overly sensitive, sometimes cold and inaccessible to the child. The inability to predict their behavior causes the infant to react with anxiety and anger. From the point of view of learning theory, the child of such a mother finds herself in a situation of unpredictable, indefinite reinforcement, which only reinforces the behavior even with possible negative consequences for the child. By about 9 months, the infant can already focus the expression of his experiences on another person, so anger becomes aggression directed at the object of affection. Fear and desire for emotional intimacy (need for love) also become "emotions" directed at the other. But without a definite and stable strategy for the behavior of others, the child's behavior remains disorganized and anxiously ambivalent.

Thus, by the end of infancy, children with a "confident" type of attachment have acquired many means of communication. They use both intellect and affect, a variety of emotions. They develop an internal model that integrates information from both sources and patterns of behavior that maximize the safety and comfort of the child. "Avoidant" children learn to organize their behavior without the use of affective signals, they use mostly intellectual information. The emotional behavior of "anxious, ambivalent children is reinforced, but they do not learn the intellectual organization of behavior that could compensate for the inconsistency of their mothers. They do not trust intellectual information and use mainly affective information. Thus, differences in the ways of integration in various types attachment can be explained by the nature of the child's individual experience in his interpersonal relationship with his mother.

Attachment to loved ones formed in the first years of life is quite stable. Most children show this same type of attachment in school age in contact with peers. In adult life in interpersonal relationships one can also see the characteristic features of primary attachment. With a certain degree of conventionality, we can talk about the types, quality of attachment in adults. Thus, relationships that are established with persons of the opposite sex, as well as attitudes towards elderly parents, can be defined as reliable, ambivalent and avoidant. The first type is characterized a good relationship between parents and adult children, based on trust, understanding, and help to parents. At the same time, children have a reliable attachment to their parents in the first years of life. In the case of the second type, adults remember their parents only when they get sick. At an early age, they have a dual, affective attachment. In the third type, adult children have almost no relationship with their parents and do not remember them. In early childhood, they are characterized by insecure attachment of the avoidant type.

The impact of differences in attachment quality on adult romantic interpersonal relationships has been studied by American psychologists. The subjects in this study were participants in a newspaper survey. The type of attachment was determined by the category in which the readers of the newspaper classified themselves, assessing their relationships with people. It was proposed to answer questions concerning the most significant love in life. Additional questions were asked about how their love had developed over time and about childhood memories of relationships with and between parents.

The results of the study showed that there is a kind of continuity of emotional and behavioral patterns: the early style of attachment to the mother, as a rule, is transferred to the romantic interpersonal relationships of adults. Thus, secure attachment turned out to be associated with the experience of happiness, friendship and trust, avoidant style - with fear of intimacy, emotional ups and downs, as well as jealousy. And the affective - dual attachment to the mother in childhood corresponded to the obsessive preoccupation with a loved one, the desire for a close union, sexual passion, emotional extremes and jealousy. In addition, these three groups differed in their views on love, i.e. mental models of romantic relationships. People with secure attachments viewed love feelings as something relatively stable, but also fading and fading, and were skeptical of the romantic stories depicted in novels and movies in which they lose their head from love. Those who avoided close attachment in love relationships were skeptical about the durability of romantic relationships and believed that it was very rare to find a person to fall in love with. Respondents with affective-ambivalent attachment believed that falling in love is easy, but it is difficult to find true love. In addition, securely attached adults, compared with the other two groups, reported warmer relationships with both parents, as well as warmer relationships between parents.

A study conducted with college students confirmed the nature of these relationships, and also found that the differences relate to how the representatives of these three groups describe themselves. Young people with secure attachment felt that they were easy to communicate with and most of those around them sympathized with, while those with affective, ambivalent attachment described themselves as people who were insecure, often misunderstood and underestimated. Close to these latter were the responses of avoidant students.

Further research has shown that early childhood attachment style has a very wide impact on a person's relationships with other people, and is also associated with his attitude to work. Adults with a secure attachment style feel confident at work, are not afraid to make mistakes, and don't let personal relationships get in the way of work. With anxious dual attachment, people showed a greater dependence on praise, fear of rejection, and, in addition, they allowed personal relationships to affect their activities. Attachment avoidant adults use work to avoid social interactions. Even when they are doing well financially, they are less satisfied with their jobs than people with a secure, confident attachment style.

AT recent times researchers identify another type of attachment - rejecting emotional intimacy. Individuals with this attachment pattern feel uncomfortable in establishing close relationships and prefer not to depend on others, but still maintain a positive self-image.

Despite convincing evidence that attachment style is stable, there is evidence that it can change depending on life circumstances. In addition, the same person may have several attachment patterns: one with men, another with women, or one for some situations, another for others.

Returning to the appeal to the psychologist of the mother and daughter early age, with which this article began, you can answer the questions posed in this way. The girl developed an insecure dual attachment to her mother. Apparently, the mother was not sensitive enough, attentive to her daughter in the first year of life. In interaction with her, she did not always positively respond to the child's initiative, did not seek to calm her down if the baby was crying, did not always respond to a smile and babble, played little. That is why the girl did not develop confidence in her mother's positive attitude towards herself, in the fact that she needs her, is loved. When parting with mom, even for a short time the girl is crying, as if she is not sure if her mother will return to her. Psychologists say that the child in such a case does not have a basic trust in the world, and relationships with other people, as well as with his mother, seem unsafe to him. How can insecure attachment be corrected? As a rule, this requires qualified psychological assistance. However general advice- be attentive to the needs of your child, take into account his interests, accept him as he is, and express your love and affection to him more often.

Movement is life!!!

Bowlby's attachment theory (Bowlby, 1975) describes the development and differentiation of emotions in their social function; on the other hand, it explains how affective attachment between adults should be viewed in terms of the emotional repertoire developed in childhood. This development is usually divided into three successive phases, during which attachment, search behavior, and reproductive behavior are learned. For the latter, such emotions as attraction, passion, as well as care and tolerance, as presented in Table 41.2.1.
The main thesis of this concept is that intimacy in this third adult phase emerges undisturbed and can only develop if confiding attachment has been established in the first phase and exploratory behavior has been developed in the second phase. If this does not happen, then the individual is not confident in his attachment behavior, and Bowlby distinguishes, depending on the type of developmental disorder, anxious attachment, an obsessive desire for independence, excessive caring and emotional isolation. Such patterns of behavior are developed especially in complementary partners. This leads to the concept of implicit agreement (collision) by Willi (Willi, 1975). She argues that partners choose each other based on matching emotional profiles that have a positive effect primarily on mutual exchange (see above section on diagnostics) - each of the partners gives something to the other and takes something from him, but which , however, can in the long run make the relationship conflict. In the favorable case, some kind of complementarity of needs arises, and in the case of conflict, the expectations of one or both partners may be excessive.
As an example, consider a marital system in which one of the partners has a depressive personality (Feldmann, 1976). For example, his partner may act as a helper, which will only reinforce his feelings of helplessness. The depressed partner will attempt to devalue this help through passive-aggressive behavior that will naturally elicit criticism from the helping partner, which will negatively impact the depressed partner's erratic sense of self-worth and prompt new requests for help from the partner. A similar case with a woman suffering from agoraphobia is described by Hafner (Hafner, 1977). Next to her was her husband, who seemed indispensable in his role as a protector, behind whom she felt like "behind a stone wall." However, with his behavior, he only supported his wife's anxiety and did not allow her to take the initiative, while she limited herself to exerting influence, using her symptoms. In both of these examples of relationships, attention is drawn to the presence of a closed causal relationship between the behaviors of both partners.
Often held empirical research choosing a partner according to the complementary principle and most often with a negative result. Simple complementarity, such as dominance/submissiveness, hardly exists. True, the question arises whether this is not about the structures of needs that are available for their identification with the help of questionnaires due to their unconsciousness, and whether such complementarity in certain phases of life is more effective than in others. Thus Kerkhoff and Davis postulated (Kerkhoff & Davis, 1962) that it is rather the same interests and the same social background that play a role at the beginning of a relationship, and that complementary needs become significant later. However, if all age periods are taken into account, only weak relationships are found. Many typologies of relationships from clinical casuistry that are complementary in nature have been analyzed by Reiter (Reiter, 1983). However, we cannot dwell on them here.

This term can often be found in various articles on parenting. Affective attachment is an excessive desire of a child to be constantly with his mother. Many young mothers often encounter such a phenomenon, and there are those women who unconsciously form similar behavior in their own baby.

What does the term affective attachment mean?

The definition of this concept can be found in various works on psychology. child development. Too strong desire of the child to constantly be near the mother - this is what the term affective attachment means. Determining that the baby is experiencing exactly this feeling is simple. As a rule, such children do not want to leave their parents for a single minute. They are not interested in playing with other children, all they want is to constantly be near their mother. Parents who encounter this behavior often report that their child throws tantrums even because the mother left the room for the kitchen without taking him with her.

The reasons for the appearance of such excessive attachment can be completely different things. At a certain age, the baby has an Oedipus complex or. It is at this time that signs of affective attachment may appear, which will pass with time. Psychologists consider the situation more serious when the mother herself forms such behavior in the baby.

Parental behavior and its impact on children

Some mothers, due to the peculiarities of their character, themselves form an affective attachment in children. This usually happens if a woman gives a child dual signals, for example, she simultaneously hugs the baby, that is, shows him her love and affection, and at the same time scolds him. In such a situation, the child cannot understand what exactly the parent wants to tell him by his actions, and this leads to a strong attachment to his mother.

Psychologists advise parents to carefully monitor the signals they send to their children. The child must clearly understand what kind of message he receives from his mother. AT childhood it is difficult to understand the emergence of one or another. The kid is simply not able to realize that his mother scolds him and hugs him at the same time because he was very scared for him. But he feels that something strange is happening, and therefore frightening. Attempts to adapt to the behavior of parents can often end up with the fact that the child will try to be near his mother all the time.

Video: Psychological webinar "Psychology of anger"

Bowlby's attachment theory (Bowlby, 1975) describes the development and differentiation of emotions in their social function; on the other hand, it explains how affective attachment between adults should be viewed in terms of the emotional repertoire developed in childhood. This development is usually divided into three successive phases during which learning takes place. attachment, search behavior and reproductive behavior.For the latter, emotions such as attraction, passion, as well as care and tolerance are decisive, as shown in Table. 41.2.1.

The main thesis of this concept is that intimacy in this third adult phase emerges undisturbed and can only develop if confiding attachment has been established in the first phase and exploratory behavior has been developed in the second phase. If this did not happen, then the individual is not sure of his attachment behavior, and Bowlby distinguishes depending on the type of developmental disorder anxious attachment, obsessive desire for independence, overprotectiveness and emotional isolation. Such patterns of behavior are developed especially in complementary partners. It leads to concept of tacit agreement(collisions) Willi (Willi, 1975). She argues that partners choose each other based on matching emotional profiles that have a positive effect primarily on mutual exchange (see above section on diagnostics) - each of the partners gives something to the other and takes something from him, but which , however, can in the long run make the relationship conflict. In the favorable case, some kind of complementarity of needs arises, and in the case of conflict, the expectations of one or both partners may be excessive.

As an example, consider a marital system in which one of the partners has a depressive personality (Feldmann, 1976). For example, his partner may act as a helper, which will only reinforce his feelings of helplessness. The depressed partner will attempt to devalue this help through passive-aggressive behavior that will naturally elicit criticism from the helping partner, which will negatively impact the depressed partner's erratic sense of self-worth and prompt new requests for help from the partner. A similar case with a woman suffering from agoraphobia is described by Hafner (Häfner, 1977). Next to her was her husband, who seemed indispensable in his role as a protector, behind whom she felt like "behind a stone wall." However, with his behavior, he only supported his wife's anxiety and did not allow her to take the initiative, while she limited herself to exerting influence, using her symptoms. In both of these examples of relationships, attention is drawn to the presence of a closed causal relationship between the behaviors of both partners.

Empirical studies of complementary mate selection have been frequently conducted and most often with negative results. Simple complementarity, such as dominance/submissiveness, hardly exists. True, the question arises whether this is not about the structures of needs that are available for their identification with the help of questionnaires due to their unconsciousness, and whether such complementarity in certain phases of life is more effective than in others. Thus, Kerkhoff and Davis (1962) postulated that it is rather the same interests and the same social background that play a role at the beginning of a relationship, and that complementary needs become significant later. However, if all age periods are taken into account, only weak relationships are found. Many typologies of relationships from clinical casuistry that are complementary in nature have been analyzed by Reiter (Reiter, 1983). However, we cannot dwell on them here.

A 2-year-old girl constantly cries when her mother leaves their home. And when her mother returns, the girl, although she rejoices at her, can also cry, angrily reprimanding her mother for leaving. At a consultation with a psychologist, the mother asks what is happening with the child, why does the daughter cry every time she parted with her mother?

In order to understand what happens to a two-year-old child, when separated from his mother, even if she parted with the baby for a short time, let's turn to the most important psychological education - the emotional attachment of the child to the mother.

Attachment is formed gradually. Infants over 6 months old begin to show obvious attachment to certain people. Usually, though not always, it is the mother who acts as the first object of affection. Within a month or two of showing signs of attachment to their mother, most children begin to show affection for their father, siblings, and grandparents.

What are the signs of affection? The attachment of a child is manifested in the following: the object of affection can calm and comfort the baby better than others; the baby more often than others, turns to him for consolation; in the presence of an object of attachment, the baby is less likely to experience fear (for example, in an unfamiliar environment).

Attachment has a certain value for the child in terms of self-preservation. First of all, it gives the child a sense of security in the development of the surrounding world, a collision with the new and unknown. Attachment manifests itself most vividly in a baby in a situation where he experiences fear. A child may not pay attention to his parents and willingly play with a stranger (provided that there is someone close to him), but as soon as the child is frightened or excited by something, he will immediately turn to his mother or father for support.

With the help of the attachment object, the child also assesses the degree of danger of the new situation. For example, a baby approaching an unfamiliar bright toy stops and looks at the mother. If anxiety is reflected on her face, or she says something in a frightened voice, the child will also show alertness and. turning away from the toy, crawl to the mother. But, if the mother smiles or turns to the baby in an encouraging tone, he will again go to the toy.

Parental behavior and attachment
Although infants seem to have an innate ability to experience emotional attachment, the choice of object and the strength and quality of attachment depend to a large extent on the behavior of the parents towards the child.

What is most important in the relationship between parents and a child for the development of attachment? First of all, it is the ability of an adult to feel and respond to any signals of the child, whether it be a look, smile, cry or babble. Usually, children become attached to parents who quickly and positively respond to the initiative shown by the child, enter into communication and interaction with him, corresponding to the cognitive abilities and mood of the child. To illustrate, consider two situations.

Petya, a boy of one and a half years old, plays on the floor with toys. The mother finishes the housework, approaches the child and watches him play. "What a beautiful car and cubes. You got a real garage, well done Petya!" mother says. Petya smiles and continues to play. Mom picks up a book and starts reading. Several minutes passed. Petya takes a children's book, approaches his mother, and tries to climb onto her lap. The mother puts the baby on her lap, puts down her book and says: "Do you want me to read this book to you?" Petya answers "yes", the mother begins to read.

Another two-year-old boy, Sasha, plays with toys. Having finished his business, the mother tells him: "Come to me, I will read you an interesting book." Sasha turns around, but does not go up to his mother, but continues to enthusiastically roll the car. The mother comes up to her son and takes her in her arms and says: "Let's read." Sasha breaks free and protests. His mother releases him and Sasha returns to his toys. Later, after finishing the game, Sasha takes the children's book and approaches his mother, trying to get on her knees. "No," says the mother, "you didn't want to read when I offered you, and now I'm busy."

In the first situation, the mother was responsive and attentive to the child, she was guided by his needs (she gave him the opportunity to finish playing the game), sensitively reacted to the child's initiative (a request to read a book).

In the second situation, the mother is more inclined to "adjust the child for herself", regardless of his needs and desires.

Psychologists have found that the necessary qualities that contribute to the development of a child's attachment to a mother or father are their warmth, gentleness, tenderness in relations with the child, encouragement and emotional support. Parents, to whom children are strongly attached, when giving instructions to the child, pronounce them softly with warmth, often praise the child, approve of his actions.

Depending on the behavior of the parents, the characteristics of their interaction and communication with the child, the baby develops a certain type of attachment to the father and mother.

The most popular method for assessing the quality of a child's attachment to an adult was the experiment of the American psychologist Mary Ainsworth. This experiment was called "Unfamiliar Situation" and consists of several three-minute episodes during which the child is left alone in an unfamiliar environment, alone with an unfamiliar adult, an unfamiliar adult and mother. The key episodes are when the mother leaves the child first with a stranger, then alone. A few minutes later, the mother returns to the baby. The nature of the child's attachment to the mother is judged on the basis of the degree of distress of the baby after the departure of the mother and the behavior of the child after her return.

As a result of the study, three groups of children were identified. Children who were not very upset after the mother left, entered into communication with a stranger and explored the new room (for example, playing with toys), and when the mother returned, rejoiced and were drawn to her, were called "securely attached." Children who did not mind the departure of their mother and continued to play, not paying attention to her return, were called "indifferent, insecurely attached." And the children of the third group, who were very upset after the departure of the mother, and when she returned, as if they were striving for her, clinging, but immediately repulsed and angry, were called "affective, insecurely attached."

Subsequent studies have shown that the type of child's attachment to parents affects the further mental and personal development of the child. The most favorable for development is a secure attachment. The reliable attachment of a child to his mother in the first years of life lays the foundation for a sense of security and trust in the world around him. Such children already in early childhood show sociability, ingenuity, ingenuity in games. In preschool and adolescence, they demonstrate leadership traits, are distinguished by initiative, responsiveness, sympathy, and are popular among their peers.

Children with insecure attachment (affective, ambivalent and indifferent, avoidant) are often more dependent, require more attention from adults, their behavior is unstable and contradictory compared to children with secure attachment.

How does attachment, established in early childhood, affect the behavior of the child in the future?

In the process of repeated interactions with the mother and other relatives, the child develops the so-called "working models of himself and other people." In the future, they help him navigate new situations, interpret them and respond appropriately. Attentive, sensitive, caring parents form in the child a sense of basic trust in the world, a positive working model of others is created. Disharmonious relationships, which are characterized by insensitivity to initiative, disregard for the interests of the child, an obsessive style of relationships, on the contrary, lead to the formation of a negative working model. Using the example of relationships with parents, the child is convinced that other people, like parents, are not reliable, predictable partners who can be trusted. The result of interaction and communication with parents is also a "working model of yourself." With a positive model, the child develops initiative, independence, self-confidence and self-respect, and with a negative model, passivity, dependence on others, a distorted image of the Self.

From the point of view of the famous American psychologist P. Crittenden, in order to understand how attachments are formed, it is important to take into account the predominant type of processing and integration of information by the child.

Ways of processing information: affective (emotional) or cognitive (mental) determine the strategies of the child's behavior in relation to loved ones. If an adult responds adequately to the child's initiatives and feelings, the child's behavior is "fixed" and will be reproduced in a similar situation. In cases where the child's manifestations are rejected or cause unpleasant consequences for him, the behavior receives negative reinforcement and will subsequently be hidden. Such a child will avoid open expression of his emotions and needs, as if hiding his state, experiences, his affection is "avoidant". Children who at the age of one showed an "avoidant" type of attachment usually had an experience of rejection by their mother when they tried to interact emotionally, affectively with her. Such a mother rarely takes the child in her arms, does not show tenderness, pushes him away when trying to hug and caress. If the baby protests against such behavior of the mother, then her anger at the child is added to the rejection. So the baby learns that the results of emotional manifestations, love towards the mother can cause unpredictable and dangerous consequences, and learns to be restrained.

In the case when the mother does not accept the child, but demonstrates positive emotions in response to his behavior, i.e. her affective reactions are insincere, it is even more difficult for a child to foresee the consequences of her emotional manifestations. Such parents first confirm the need for intimacy and contact with the child, but as soon as he reciprocates them, they reject contact.

Some mothers are sincere but inconsistent in their emotional interaction with the child. They are sometimes overly sensitive, sometimes cold and inaccessible to the child. The inability to predict their behavior causes the infant to react with anxiety and anger. From the point of view of learning theory, the child of such a mother finds herself in a situation of unpredictable, indefinite reinforcement, which only reinforces the behavior even with possible negative consequences for the child. By about 9 months, the infant can already focus the expression of his experiences on another person, so anger becomes aggression directed at the object of affection. Fear and desire for emotional intimacy (need for love) also become "emotions" directed at the other. But without a definite and stable strategy for the behavior of others, the child's behavior remains disorganized and anxiously ambivalent.

Thus, by the end of infancy, children with a "confident" type of attachment have acquired many means of communication. They use both intellect and affect, a variety of emotions. They develop an internal model that integrates information from both sources and patterns of behavior that maximize the safety and comfort of the child. "Avoidant" children learn to organize their behavior without the use of affective signals, they use mostly intellectual information. The emotional behavior of “anxious, ambivalent children is reinforced, but they do not learn the intellectual organization of behavior that could compensate for the inconsistency of their mothers. They do not trust intellectual information and use predominantly affective information. individual experience of the child in his interpersonal relationship with his mother.

Attachment to loved ones formed in the first years of life is quite stable. Most children show this same type of attachment at school age in contact with peers. In adult life, interpersonal relationships can also be seen as characteristic features of primary attachment. With a certain degree of conventionality, we can talk about the types, quality of attachment in adults. Thus, relationships that are established with persons of the opposite sex, as well as attitudes towards elderly parents, can be defined as reliable, ambivalent and avoidant. The first type is characterized by good relations between parents and adult children, based on trust, understanding, and help to parents. At the same time, children have a reliable attachment to their parents in the first years of life. In the case of the second type, adults remember their parents only when they get sick. At an early age, they have a dual, affective attachment. In the third type, adult children have almost no relationship with their parents and do not remember them. In early childhood, they are characterized by insecure attachment of the avoidant type.

The impact of differences in attachment quality on adult romantic interpersonal relationships has been studied by American psychologists. The subjects in this study were participants in a newspaper survey. The type of attachment was determined by the category in which the readers of the newspaper classified themselves, assessing their relationships with people. It was proposed to answer questions concerning the most significant love in life. Additional questions were asked about how their love had developed over time and about childhood memories of relationships with and between parents.

The results of the study showed that there is a kind of continuity of emotional and behavioral patterns: the early style of attachment to the mother, as a rule, is transferred to the romantic interpersonal relationships of adults. Thus, secure attachment turned out to be associated with the experience of happiness, friendship and trust, avoidant style - with fear of intimacy, emotional ups and downs, as well as jealousy. And the affective - dual attachment to the mother in childhood corresponded to the obsessive preoccupation with a loved one, the desire for a close union, sexual passion, emotional extremes and jealousy. In addition, these three groups differed in their views on love, i.e. mental models of romantic relationships. People with secure attachments viewed love feelings as something relatively stable, but also fading and fading, and were skeptical of the romantic stories depicted in novels and movies in which they lose their head from love. Those who avoided close attachment in love relationships were skeptical about the durability of romantic relationships and believed that it was very rare to find a person to fall in love with. Respondents with affective-ambivalent attachment believed that falling in love is easy, but it is difficult to find true love. In addition, securely attached adults, compared with the other two groups, reported warmer relationships with both parents, as well as warmer relationships between parents.

A study conducted with college students confirmed the nature of these relationships, and also found that the differences relate to how the representatives of these three groups describe themselves. Young people with secure attachment felt that they were easy to communicate with and most of those around them sympathized with, while those with affective, ambivalent attachment described themselves as people who were insecure, often misunderstood and underestimated. Close to these latter were the responses of avoidant students.

Further research has shown that early childhood attachment style has a very wide impact on a person's relationships with other people, and is also associated with his attitude to work. Adults with a secure attachment style feel confident at work, are not afraid to make mistakes, and don't let personal relationships get in the way of work. With anxious dual attachment, people showed a greater dependence on praise, fear of rejection, and, in addition, they allowed personal relationships to affect their activities. Attachment avoidant adults use work to avoid social interactions. Even when they are doing well financially, they are less satisfied with their jobs than people with a secure, confident attachment style.

Recently, researchers have identified another type of attachment - rejecting emotional intimacy. Individuals with this attachment pattern feel uncomfortable in establishing close relationships and prefer not to depend on others, but still maintain a positive self-image.

Despite convincing evidence that attachment style is stable, there is evidence that it can change depending on life circumstances. In addition, the same person may have several attachment patterns: one with men, another with women, or one for some situations, another for others.

Returning to the appeal to the psychologist of a mother with a daughter of an early age, from which this article began, one can answer the questions posed in this way. The girl developed an insecure dual attachment to her mother. Apparently, the mother was not sensitive enough, attentive to her daughter in the first year of life. In interaction with her, she did not always positively respond to the child's initiative, did not seek to calm her down if the baby was crying, did not always respond to a smile and babble, played little. That is why the girl did not develop confidence in her mother's positive attitude towards herself, in the fact that she needs her, is loved. When parting with her mother, even for a short time, the girl cries, as if she is not sure whether her mother will return to her. Psychologists say that the child in such a case does not have a basic trust in the world, and relationships with other people, as well as with his mother, seem unsafe to him. How can insecure attachment be corrected? As a rule, this requires qualified psychological assistance. However, the general advice is to be attentive to the needs of your child, take into account his interests, accept him as he is, and express your love and affection to him more often.