Talking about love not only to a child, but even to an adult seems difficult. This feeling is too complex and all-encompassing! Therefore, explaining what it is may seem almost impossible. But in fact, this impression is wrong. It is only important to know how to place emphasis in communication with children.

How is it: to love? What kind of love is there? Who or what can you feel this way about? How is love manifested between adults, children, relatives, friends? The list of such questions from the little why could be continued indefinitely! And this is not surprising: after all, the baby hears about love almost from the cradle from all sides. His parents say they love him, mom and dad say this to each other, and the characters also confess their love - not only for other characters, but also, for example, for a sunset or honey. And what seems completely self-evident for an adult, causes serious misunderstanding in a little person 2-4 years old - so what is love if it is so diverse?

Love comes in different forms...

When talking about love, you can start from a fairly simple and accessible postulate. It is as follows: love is a strong feeling that is expressed in positive attitude to someone or something and means that you really like this someone or something, they give you some kind of pleasure and joy. It is, of course, better to explain using living examples from the life of the child himself. He likes on fresh air? So he likes to go for walks. Is it fun for him to play with his dad or mom, go with them to various interesting places (like or), just communicate? This means he loves his parents. He is interested in having fun with his comrades and studying together the world? This means he loves his friends too. After all, if what you like best is Navy pasta and... chocolate candies- that means you love them in comparison with other products!..

But here the difference in types of love comes to the fore. Parental love- this is one thing, friendship is another, and love for food, one’s own home, or, for example, is a third. How can I explain this? There are a few subtle points here. First: is it possible to live without the object of love or replace it with something else? Surely the child will agree that it will be very difficult and sad for him without his parents - but in the most extreme case, he will somehow manage without sweets (there are others, for that matter). And second: love, depending on the object of this love itself, requires different efforts from a person. If you love to ride on or play with, you simply strive to do it more often - after all, it gives you pleasure. But if you love someone (be it your mom and dad, or even your own), then it’s not enough to just try to spend more time with him - you need to show your attitude towards him in a special way. And here it turns out that love is very a complex feeling that cannot be described in a few words.

Not only to take, but also to give

How do we all show our love? First of all, of course, with words - and you, as parents, are the best example of this. Pay attention to the child that you always tell him that you love him, that you say this to each other, as well as to your close people, emphasize that without them you are bored and lonely, and their attention and support helps you. From childhood, the child must get used to the fact that talking about such an attitude to friends, relatives, and his future husband or wife is not only possible, but necessary. After all, it is always pleasant to hear such words, it lifts anyone’s spirits - and the feeling of love, especially mutual, noticeably intensifies. And from this, in the end, the person who uttered such words also benefits. After all, love teaches us all not only to receive something (as in the case of our favorite games or food), but also to give in return - and often almost more than you receive yourself.

And here the next manifestation of love comes to the fore: not in words, but in deeds that confirm such an attitude. From a very young age, a child needs to develop the understanding that to love means to work on oneself for the benefit of another. If the child is not immediately taught that love implies not just pure personal pleasure, but affection, care, support, sympathy, responsibility, compassion, a willingness to share with the object of one’s love all his successes and defeats, to share with him something important, dear and valuable, then your child may grow into a selfish person who will expect and even demand only personal benefits from love. But this is fundamentally wrong - and will ultimately bring him nothing but a lot of serious disappointments. Therefore, the components of the “correct” true love You need to pay special attention during conversations with your child.

How to prove love with actions?

Also be sure to focus on the love of mom and dad. Notice how you show attention when you are interested in each other's activities during the day. Remind how everyone pleases the other with their nice words and gifts, as well as going out together to a restaurant or cinema. Tell us in detail how you take care of each other when one of you gets sick or, say, receives bad news. We can’t forget about affection in this matter. loving people. Your child should know that kisses, hugs, gentle touches and the like are not something shameful or unnatural (this, by the way, will also help you when after some time the conversation comes up “about this” - it will be easier for you explain that sex is part of the ritual loving friend friend of people). And the baby can also, with a number of reservations, show feelings in a similar way: kiss mom and dad when they come home from work, hug his beloved sister, stroke his grandmother or grandfather’s hair.

Look for examples everywhere!

Examples of the manifestation of love of one person for another (be it intimate love, be it friendly, or be it related) need to be looked for everywhere - and more often: even when the conversation about love itself seems to have been slightly forgotten. Watch an interesting movie together? Pay attention to how love is manifested there, what it gives to each of the characters, what they are ready for for the sake of this feeling. Heading to see friends? Emphasize how the members of this family treat each other, how they communicate with each other. You can even, to use an expression from a legendary film, “train on cats”: watch a popular science film about the same swans, lions and other animals that are distinguished by strong “family” ties, creating pairs once and for life, where each half remains faithful to the other and accompanies her everywhere, providing help and support. This will make a proper impression on a small child and will probably be remembered well.

And, of course, lead by example. It is difficult to tell a child what love is if it is not in your own family. Warm, trusting relationships between parents, mutual assistance of all family members, uniting events that everyone experiences on an equal basis with everyone else - all this, observed by the child day after day, and not just, as they say, on holidays, will help you lay a strong foundation in his soul. foundation. Children don’t yet know how it should be! And if they see only scandals, swearing, lack of banal care for each other on the part of mom and dad, they will perceive this as a social norm. And even if many years later, when they grow up and realize that they grew up in a not very prosperous family, this is unlikely to radically change their attitude towards love. Therefore, such children are more likely to inherit the standards of behavior of their parents...

What to do with your first love?

And finally, about how to react to the child’s first love. Yes, he will be able to experience more or less serious feelings in this matter, perhaps, not before adolescence. But still in kindergarten falling in love is not something extraordinary - didn’t you sing at that age about some couple of poems about tili-tili-dough with the bride and groom? Therefore, you need to be prepared that somehow, when the child has already passed the mandatory test, he will come from there and declare that he is getting married or wants to get married (and this can apply not only to another child, but also, for example, to a young teacher). What's the best way to respond? Extremely seriously - laughter, even involuntary, or downplaying his feelings can kill the baby’s desire to share his innermost thoughts with you.

Be sure to ask about the object of love, find out why he attracted the child’s attention, and clarify how your child showed his feelings towards this person. Emphasize that this is all good and makes you happy, but, for example, pulling the pigtails of your “favorite” girl or sticking your tongue out at your “groom” is definitely not worth it. And it’s much better to have fun with them, take care of them and protect them from the insults of other children, share toys and sweets, pick flowers, in the end! Of course, over time, such love in a child will pass (it is likely that in just a few days, when he finds a new object of love), but your advice will only be beneficial. Firstly, true manifestations of love will once again be emphasized in the baby’s mind; secondly, he will remember that he can always come to you as a parent for advice and support. And such trust of a loved one, you see, is worth a lot!

P.S. In addition to highlighting the positive features of love, it is necessary to touch upon the topic of how this feeling can be damaged or even destroyed. Tell us that love is afraid of irritability, arrogance, cunning, anger, and betrayal, that bad deeds can hurt the one who loves you and whom you love. And therefore, you need to be extremely careful in communicating with your loved one, not allowing negativity into your relationship that could ruin it. Examples of all this, of course, are also worth giving - but it is better that they are not from your experience, but solely based on the same fairy tales or films...

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Parents having several children, often ask themselves if they love everyone equally. After all, they want this, although they do not always succeed. Even if the parents are sure that they love both children equally, it will not be possible to treat them equally, if only because of the difference in age.

Statistics say that older children do successful career more often than younger ones. Older children in the family it's not that easy. Frequent guests in their souls are jealousy and bitter resentment for the fact that they are loved less, they are given less attention, and more is demanded of them. Unfortunately, with problem of childhood jealousy almost every one faces family. What to do parents to keep friendly family?

Buy different toys for children

Need to buy various toys age appropriate baby. Explain before handing them over. children what the machine is for junior, and the game is for senior. If they want, they will exchange or let each other play. Never compare yours children. This is the most common mistake parents: one is scolded, and the other is set as an example. Complexes and self-doubt appear.

Juniors And older children should feel in family in equal conditions and bear responsibility for their actions to the best of their ability. For example, toys are removed by the one who scattered them. If you feel that eldest child starts be jealous or hate junior, then try to correct the situation. Just don't panic and do it very gently.

How to explain to children that you love them equally as much

For example, when youngest child sleeps or walks with grandma, spend some time alone with your elder, hug his, caress. Tell him how much you love him, how you waited for his birth, how worried you were. Reconsider photos with a child, play together. Give him all your warmth and tenderness. Brothers and sisters must argue. On the one hand, to get closer to each other, on the other, to disassociate. This is correct and important. And if you sometimes get nervous with everything, there’s nothing wrong with that either.

Admit, parents It’s hard to meet all these requirements, but it’s worth at least trying. For mothers this means that you should give more often small child under the supervision of other people to do something together with the elder. Simultaneously father should also pay more attention family to fill the resulting vacuum of feelings.

Divorce of parents is a great stress for a child. The usual rhythm of life is changing. It is very difficult for a little person to get used to the understanding that their family is no longer there, mom and dad will never be together. Time passes, children get used to it, accept the positions of adults, and continue to enjoy life. Parents arrange their personal lives, make new acquaintances, and fall in love.

In most cases of divorce, children remain to live with their mother. Time passes and the woman meets her new life partner, they decide to get married.

Not an easy question. How to explain to your child about your second husband?

In order to start a difficult conversation, you must follow these rules:

1. Introduce your young man with your son or daughter. Establish trust between them.
2. Choose a special time to talk. Do not convey the news casually; the child may doubt his importance. Tell your child the news yourself, regardless of his age. Children 2 - 3 years old understand perfectly what is happening and will react painfully if their mother does not consider it necessary to talk to them.
3. Be honest and forthright. Tell your son or daughter the news joyfully. Children should know that mother's marriage is a big event. It will change your life for the better. that every person on Earth must have a couple to be happy. The baby will grow up, fall in love and leave the family, and the mother should have constant support and support.
4. Be confident in your choice. If the mother herself doubts the correctness of the decision, think about it: maybe there’s no need to rush?
5. Start the conversation by saying that you love your child very much. Let him know that your love for him is endless. No one will ever take the place of a son or daughter in a mother’s heart.
6. Talk to your baby about biological father. Say what new husband, will not replace your own dad. Just a companion for your mother, he will become a reliable friend and support. During the conversation, do not speak badly about your son or daughter’s father, do not compare him with your new chosen one.
7. Ask your child what qualities he likes in his mother’s future husband, and what qualities he is not satisfied with? Talk to your partner about how you can improve mutual understanding between him and your baby.

The new husband is the child's first friend and companion!

To ensure that the news about the mother’s marriage does not become a blow to the baby, it is necessary to introduce him to the chosen one in advance. The future husband must understand all the responsibility that he takes on his shoulders. His main task is to become a little friend, assistant, protector.

Time spent together is priceless. It is very good if the future chosen one can find common hobbies with the child. Fishing, swimming, sports, cycling - children love all this. However, you should not think that all guys are the same. In choise joint activities Mom will help. She, like no one else, knows the hobbies and talents of her young fidget.

Don't worry if your first relationship fails. In most cases, to get used to it, trust it and let it into your life. stranger, the child needs time. Don't rush and insist. A stepfather does not need to take on the role of a father. There is no point in giving advice and moralizing to a child; he will take them with hostility. Wait until the baby feels the authority of the mother’s companion’s opinion and asks for help.

Remember, the main thing for a son or daughter is the happiness of their mother!

What can you expect after the conversation?

Children do not always perceive the world the way their parents do. That is why, after an important conversation, the mother should be prepared for a response. Depending on the age characteristics, such as temperament, attitude towards the future companion, the child may behave differently.

Children from 1 year to 3 years.
Most often, kids perceive the news favorably. The main thing for children of this age is the love and care of their mother. The appearance of a new adult friend is viewed with caution by the little ones, but they quickly get used to it. They trust their tiny heart to their new chosen one. Mom should know and understand that if she makes a mistake in choosing a new spouse, she will break not only her heart, but the world of her little one.

Children from 3 to 7 years old.
This group includes guys who understand feelings. They know how to distinguish sincere care from gross falsehood. Children may perceive the news with categorical denial, hysterics, and crying. This age group inherent negativism, manifestation of selfishness, bad behavior, blackmail. Mom needs to remember that it is too difficult for the baby to cope with the flow of feelings on his own. Frank conversations will help relieve emotional stress.

Children from 7 to 16 years old.
Teenagers, despite their age, take the news of their mother’s marriage quite hard. The reaction may be unpredictable. It ranges from completely positive to strongly negative. With a negative reaction, one can expect behavior typical of young children.

Be sure to introduce your child to your future husband in advance and establish friendly contact. Teenage children well understand their mother’s desire not to be lonely. But they are driven by the fear that their parent’s choice will be wrong. Having proven that the chosen one is worthy of their mother’s love, the children quickly get used to him and become friends.

After breaking the news about her marriage, a mother needs to give her son or daughter time to think about it. Don't expect an instant reaction. Say that you are always ready for a frank conversation at any time.

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How to recognize jealousy?

A classic manifestation of jealousy is when an older child, secretly from the parents, harms a defenseless newborn: pinches, pulls hair, breaks or hides his things and toys. However, not all children express their jealousy in this way. Sometimes this resentment manifests itself in seemingly causeless bad behavior, whims, even illness. This is how the firstborn makes it clear what he is missing mother's love, trying to regain parental attention.

How to help children get along together?

First of all, experts recommend not setting up an older child for the younger one to immediately become a playmate for him, so that there is no disappointment. On the contrary, at first the newborn baby will only take the lion's share of the mother's time and attention. However, the elder should under no circumstances be disadvantaged. It is necessary, if possible, to maintain his previous daily routine - any sudden changes, especially in the first time after the baby is born, are undesirable. It is extremely important that in the first months after the birth of the youngest child, the mother finds time to play with the older one, walk with him and do everything that she did before. If possible, you should hire a good nanny for the younger child, ask grandparents, and other close relatives to help with the baby at first, so that you can devote enough time to the older one without being “torn” or irritated. Then he will gradually get used to the existence of a brother or sister, will not feel deprived of his mother’s attention and will not experience painful jealousy. Sometimes an older child may begin to behave like a baby: asking to be swaddled, to be given a pacifier or a breast. In this case, it is best to play along with him - this way he will calm down faster.

How to share toys between children?

This area should be regulated by clear rules. Some parts should be common, and some toys should be personal to each child. Children should know that if he wants to ask something from another, he should offer something in return. If siblings argue over the same toy, mom can put it out of their reach, explaining that the toy will return to them when they make up and learn to take turns playing. It is very important to praise children when they give in to each other. If the younger child cannot yet say “thank you,” parents should thank the older child on his behalf.

Is it possible to avoid childhood jealousy?

Parents are often mistaken, assuring themselves that there will be no childish jealousy in their family. Attentive and caring parents often manage to minimize this problem, but almost no one can completely avoid it. A normal child must pass the test of jealousy, live through this difficult moment of competition with his brother or sister. It depends only on the parents whether he will learn to cope with his emotions without compromising his mental health.

How to explain to an older child that he is loved no less than the younger one?

Since children are very sensitive to body language and touch, it is worth paying more attention to this aspect of communication. Parents should under no circumstances deprive their firstborn of affection; they should try to pat him on the head, hug him, and cuddle him as often as possible. It is very useful to massage two children at the same time and put them to sleep together. The older child is very attached to the baby by his participation in the life of the newborn, his active assistance to the mother. In no case should a mother forget to emphasize its importance and praise the older child. When buying something for the baby, parents should not forget about the elder. One more thing important rule: An older child should not be scolded in the presence of the baby, even if the problem of jealousy is not acute.

Should a child try to suppress feelings of jealousy?

According to experts, it is very important to give children the opportunity to express their anger, jealousy and aggression at a time when it is still relatively safe and can be controlled. If the baby is given such a chance, he will most likely safely pass the stage of jealousy and forget about it. Otherwise, jealousy and resentment will take root in his soul, while the real reason may gradually be forgotten.