practicing psychologist Elena Sultanova

Happiness is a state to which, consciously or not, almost everyone aspires. Another thing is that everyone has their own happiness: someone has a prosperous family, someone has professional self-realization, someone has material wealth.

Being a happy person is both easy and difficult. The difficulty is that in order to become happy, you need to know some conditions for achieving happiness, about them below. But the main difficulty lies in the fact that happiness has ceased to be interesting to people. Almost any modern book, film or song can easily convince you of this: the fate of the heroes is distorted by some kind of tragedy, someone's untimely death, an accident, unrequited love. And to empathize, thus, we learn not at all happiness, but unhappiness. And it is misfortune that we most often try on ourselves. The one who is happy is of no interest to anyone, at best. And at worst, it causes dislike. Remember how Toska said in "Girls": "You are happy, Katya, and happiness blinds people's eyes."

Another difficulty on the path to happiness lies in our delusion that happiness is difficult to achieve. In general, we are accustomed to thinking that the good must be earned, and what is given easily is worth nothing. There is even an expression - "suffering happiness." Often, instead of becoming really happy, we begin to get this happiness by inventing obstacles and suffering for ourselves out of the blue. We do not believe in happiness if it comes into our own hands. We consider real what is gained through suffering, obtained, earned, and never - what was in our hands easily and joyfully.

How can you still be happy?

At the very beginning, we said that being happy is not only difficult, but also simple. In order to be happy, you only need an inner desire and intention to be happy. It is not circumstances that make a person happy, but an inner readiness to be happy and the ability to be content with what he has. Surely everyone is familiar with the state when everything seems to be there for happiness, but there is no happiness itself. But happiness is not when there are no problems. When you are happy, both troubles and failures can happen in life. However, a happy person understands that there can be troubles and failures, and accepts them not as obstacles, but as springboards - in order to better push off.

Research groups of scientists from Harvard and California Universities believe that happiness is a virus that lives by all laws. infectious disease. According to them, if there are friendly and smiling people around a person, then this attitude is transmitted to him. In particular, a person's chance of becoming happy is increased by 25% if their best friend is happy.

“The more often we communicate with people who are satisfied with life, the higher our chances, if not for happiness, then at least for a positive mood,” says Olga Karabanova, Doctor of Psychology, Deputy Dean for scientific work Faculty of Psychology, Moscow State University.

But physiologists believe that happiness depends on hormones - endorphin, serotonin and dopamine. Serotonin eliminates depression, improves mental abilities, is useful for internal organs improves the functioning of the gastrointestinal tract. But serotonin works in close conjunction with dopamine, the hormone of pleasure, and with GABA, which is responsible for the relaxation process.

The lack of even one of these substances is reflected in the mood, depriving a person of a sense of happiness. To prevent this from happening, small adjustments can be made to the diet by increasing the doses of certain foods:

• Serotonin- found in eggs, low-fat cheeses, poultry, avocados.
• Dopamine- found in fruits and vegetables with vitamin C.
• GABA- found in eggs, dark green vegetables, seeds, nuts, potatoes and bananas.

But happiness is not only in tasty and proper food, but also in a good mood, a positive outlook, the absence of stress, anxiety and worries, as well as in psychological and physical health.

How to learn to be happy?

• Don't be jealous or compare yourself to others. It is very important to learn to be content with what you already have, appreciate it and enjoy it, without ceasing to strive for more. Other people's victories and blessings of life should not cause anger and irritation, but motivate and inspire. The desire to keep up with others is one of the main enemies of happiness.
• Do not stop there and constantly set new goals for yourself, let them be both global, for example, build a house or visit an exotic country, and everyday, for example, pass a report or start going to fitness. Remember that becoming a doctor, raising a child, or making soup are all goals.
• Don't regret anything. If something has already happened, then it cannot be changed. Thinking about what could be changed in the past is absolutely useless, it is better to concentrate on what can be done in the present and future.
• Make your own decisions and take responsibility for them. No one knows what is best for you but you. Of course, advice is sometimes worth listening to, but try on your life only for yourself.
• Learn to rest After all, rest and pleasure are an important component of truly happy people. Do not sacrifice rest for the sake of work or money - there will always be a lot of the first, and few of the second. Try to organize regular vacations with a rich program for yourself, do not forget about daily rest, which includes not only sleep and leisure, but also the banal “doing nothing”.
• Learn to forgive and forget grievances. After all, keeping negative emotions in yourself is the same as drinking poison, but thinking that it will poison someone else.
• Go in for sports, fitness, do gymnastics regularly, or at least just walk a lot. It has been proven that during exercise, the brain absorbs more oxygen, and the body produces “hormones of joy” (dopamine, serotonin), which increase mood for at least 4 hours.
• Watch your health, because any disease is a feeling of poor health and a breakdown, and it is much easier to prevent it than to spend energy, time and money on treatment.
• Eat Right, try to learn how to avoid unhealthy foods, such as fast food, but still enjoy food. No diet has yet made a person happy, but a delicious dinner may well improve your mood.
• Learn to love yourself every day, respect and appreciate thus balancing healthy egoism with correct self-criticism.
• smile even if there is no one to smile at. Physiologists call a smile a button Have a good mood, joyful facial expressions relieve muscle clamps and stimulate the parts of the brain responsible for a good mood.
• Surround yourself with positivity positive books, films, beautiful things, for example, flowers, photographs or dishes, listen to good fun music.

AiF.ru collected 8 sayings of famous people about happiness. Try to guess

For each person, happiness is a relative concept. Some experience the joy of meeting friends, others have a boundless love of travel. One way or another, it is important to stand up for your own needs in order to feel completely happy. It is necessary to appreciate your "I" and at the same time not to delve into the abyss of narcissism and selfishness. There are effective psychological techniques that will help you become happier. The main thing is to believe and set big goals for yourself, it is easier to hit them.

Step #1. Look for ways to deal with stress

It is difficult to imagine a person who periodically does not experience a moral shake-up. To become happier, you need to look for ways to remove yourself from negative situations. Do not hide your head in the sand, look at the root of the problem. It is not uncommon for people to want to get rid of difficulties by turning a blind eye to their existence. On a subconscious level, a person knows that he has to solve the troubles that have arisen, thus the brain is never at rest.

Get in the habit of talking with friends or relatives, discussing pressing matters. Learn to speak out, if necessary - to cry, letting off steam. You can also consult a psychologist to draw up rough plan. Most importantly, do not be alone with yourself in a state of stress to avoid negative judgments.

People who, by the nature of their work, are constantly forced to face stressful situations, are encouraged to find methods of distraction. Read your favorite book at lunch, watch a series, lie down to relax with music. Take walks in the park, drink delicious tea, find your own way of distraction.

Step #2. Enjoy chatting with friends

If you do not belong to the category of introverts who can’t stand people, the recommendation will become especially relevant. A person is made happy by simple things, such as joint gatherings with friends, communication with relatives or colleagues. Society is the basis of existence, without personal relationships it is difficult to feel happy, full.

Even if you are very busy with work / study, try to set aside 3-4 hours a week for full-fledged communication. Such a move will brighten up loneliness, dilute the routine, you will temporarily forget about pressing matters. Share with loved ones not only bad events in life, share the joy of being with them, have fun together.

Make up some kind of tradition. For example, every Sunday, arrange pizza parties while watching your favorite TV series. Or visit your favorite coffee shop on Wednesdays for a delicious pie. Communicate in an informal setting, add up your own traditions, which will later be inherited.

Step #3. Appreciate what you have

It is important to learn to be grateful for the wonderful moments and everything that you have on this moment. Write on a scrapbook significant events or the names of people you are grateful for being in your life. Write until the entire landscape sheet is filled. Take the time and effort to read the above aloud later.

Gratitude can be expressed for absolutely ordinary things, such as weekly meetings with friends (thank you for having them), the release of your favorite series (thanks to the creators). Also do not forget to express in words about good health, good education, loved one, parents.

Develop a sense of gratitude daily towards other people. Do not be lazy to say "Thank you" to the saleswoman! for a loaf of bread, and for the bus driver for a comfortable ride. After a certain period of time, you will notice that you feel much happier.

At every opportunity, let those close to you know that you are grateful for their previous help or small favor. It is important to convey that you appreciate and do not forget the good.

Step number 4. Solve pressing problems

You can’t be completely happy while life’s difficulties hang over your head. Look for solutions, analyze the situation, do not try to solve all problems in one fell swoop.

Is marriage no longer enjoyable? Between partners there is no mutual respect, consent, love? End the relationship, don't wait for it to get better on its own. Learn to live in harmony with your heart and mind.

Work does not bring a stable income, the boss is constantly trembling nerves? Motivate yourself, look for a new job, try to start earning extra money using Internet resources. Develop financially, set big goals, follow the path to achieve them.

If you don't feel happy about excess weight go on a diet. Go to proper nutrition, play sports, buy clothes that are a few sizes smaller. Make a training plan, don't stand still.

Step number 5. look for yourself

A person cannot feel happy if he tries to be what he is not. Think about what is important to you? Perhaps the profession of an accountant is not a pleasure, sucking all the strength. Do you like to work with your hands, not your brains? Get a different specialty or enroll in related courses.

Tired of constantly smiling at your opponents and agreeing with them in everything? Defend your own opinion, look for serious arguments, try to be a leader. Don't try to become what your relatives or friends want you to be. You are a person with your own judgments, life principles, values.

Stop wearing masks, be as open as possible. Do people around you not like your excessive directness? Tell them directly about it, let them get even more annoyed. A friend asked for help, and you refused? Make it clear that at the moment you have your own business that needs to be resolved immediately.

Look for the opportunity to be yourself in any situation, put your own needs first until you feel confident, happy. The same goes for your personal life, you do not need to build a relationship with a person who, in all respects, does not suit you.

Step number 6. Think Positive

It is not uncommon for a person to give up in hopelessness. It would seem that gaps are not expected, but everything is not so bad. Learn to keep a positive mindset difficult situations Treat problems with humor. Car broke down on the way to work? Well, it's time to change it to a new SUV.

Focus only on the good times in life. Gradually, you will accumulate your own baggage of positive impressions, as a result of which you will not be able to exist in any other way. On a subconscious level, you will learn to extract the pleasant from everything that happens.

Caught yourself thinking that, once again, you think negatively? Say a few comments out loud that will knock the crap out of your head. Try to smile, scientists have proven that even feigned laughter can make a person happy.

Step number 7. Set goals

The man suffocates aimlessly. Gray everyday life can absorb even the most cheerful people. Along the way, it is important to find something that will keep you moving forward. Set goals, look for opportunities and ways to achieve them in as soon as possible.

Have you been dreaming about a new car? Make it a habit to set aside a specific amount of money from your monthly salary for exactly these needs. Put money in a savings book at interest, don't withdraw it.

Do you dream of spending the rest of your life traveling? Get a passport, start learning English or Spanish, read travel forums, take notes.

Are you dissatisfied with physical training? Set a goal to pump up the press or buttocks in six months, sign up for a gym, switch to sports nutrition, follow a training regime, sleep soundly. Make a bet with your friends that you will achieve results after a given period.

Make a wish list for the next 1-3 years, cross off one item as you achieve it. Start with simple goals and gradually raise the bar. You will feel like a happy person after achieving each goal.

Step number 8. Satisfy Your Own Needs

Many people tend to give all the best, forgetting about their own needs. A married woman does everything to make her husband feel comfortable. She refuses beautiful clothes, high-quality cosmetics or insignificant travel. Over time, the lack of all this accumulates, the routine becomes boring, a slight depression begins. Such behavior is characteristic not only of married ladies, but of all categories of persons without exception.

It is not necessary to deny everything to relatives and friends, it is enough to put your own needs in the forefront. Learn to advocate for Everyday life. For example, you are going to the cinema, a friend has chosen a movie that does not suit you. Let your friend know that this time you want to go not to a thriller, but to a comedy. By making small decisions to improve the quality of life, you will soon feel happy getting the little things you want.

Step number 9. Find a hobby

It is difficult to feel happy being in a constant state of “work-home-work”. To defuse the daily hustle and bustle, find a hobby that you give yourself over to. Like to create miracles with your own hands? Sign up for courses in cutting and sewing, wood carving, modeling, etc.

Have a weakness for beautiful pictures? Go to the school of photographers, master the editing programs, communicate with like-minded people. Do you like to play sports, but have long abandoned this business? Go for a trial session at the gym, join the pool, attend a dance or gymnastics class.

In cases where it is not possible to find a hobby of this kind, read books. Instead of sitting at a PC in the evenings, start studying history, the psychology of personal development, law, and business. You can read detective, classics, thriller, the choice depends on personal preferences.

It is not difficult to become a happy person if you start reincarnation today. Solve problems as soon as possible, look for ways to deal with negative situations, develop materially and enrich yourself spiritually. Do what you love, change jobs if it doesn't bring you pleasure. Find yourself, satisfy your own needs, achieve your goals.

Video: how to become a happy person

1. Try to smile more, laugh, laugh, learn not to hold back positive emotions

Laughter is the best cure for all ills. Sometimes laughter can bring any serious and funny case to a completely different level of perception. Self-irony is a powerful weapon and a great way to get out of conflict situations. Remember children, in many situations, falling into puddles, getting dirty in the mud, even hitting hard, they find something funny, shake themselves off and continue to move forward.

Laughter helps to overcome even physical pain, while tears and self-pity only exacerbate it. In the most heated debates, a good joke or witty funny remark helps to defuse the tense situation. According to statistics, Russia and Ukraine are considered among the most unfortunate countries in the world.

But look at the facial expressions of our fellow citizens. How often on the street in public places and transport, in the service sector we encounter sullen, dissatisfied faces. Why do we have enough strength and energy to splash out negative emotions - the same rudeness, remarks, dissatisfied statements - and not enough strength for elementary politeness, a smile instead of a rude word, a playful remark instead of a displeased grumbling.

After all, the result will be completely opposite. Good always attracts positive, and negative always attracts more negative emotions. Even when fighting rudeness, happy people disarm their counterparts with a calm and positive reaction, something that the interlocutor does not expect from you.

If it is difficult for you to start smiling in public places and on the street, start this activity from home, start the day with a smile to yourself, family and friends. On the street, try to fill yourself with an inner smile, it will gradually turn into an outer one.

You won't even notice how it becomes a habit. Remember Little Raccoon's song - the smile always comes back. Happy people they can see the funny. If it's funny, don't hold back your emotions, laugh heartily. Laugh to tears, let yourself go. Laughter is a great source of endorphins.

2. Happy people walk with long strides and don't hide their eyes.

Remember, psychologists have proven that successful people have a special gait. Success very closely accompanies harmony, inner peace and happiness of a person. A happy person does not slouch, he looks forward and holds his posture, his head is slightly raised.

Confident and joyful people do not look down at their feet, do not cuddle or stoop, they look wide around and directly into the eyes of the interlocutor, so they notice a lot. And they walk with long strides. Try not to mince with a small gait, but to widen your step, to walk lightly, as if hovering above the ground, and you will feel completely different.

How to become a happy person?

3. Happy people exercise

Love for yourself and an inner feeling of happiness is not possible without love for your own body. In order to become happy need to play sports. It can be both professional hobbies and amateur activities in fitness centers, as well as elementary physical exercise, workout, gymnastics, yoga at home.

Sports activities, in addition to improving physical form and allow you to keep the body in good shape, help pay attention to our body, and many types of activities, such as yoga, allow you to combine physical development with spiritual.

4. Happy people will pay more attention to their inner self.

Spiritual practices, meditations, personal growth trainings help happy people to know themselves better, listen to their inner voice, develop intuition, love themselves, praise themselves, study themselves and come to inner balance and harmony. How often in modern world and the frantic pace of life, we are focused on anything, but not on ourselves and our inner feelings.

5. Happy people know how to enjoy the little things.

It is clear that major achievements and important accomplishments give us a feeling of happiness and joy. But a truly happy person knows how to rejoice and find positive even in small things. There is so much beauty in life - you can enjoy every minute: the sound of rain outside the window, the rustle and smell of autumn leaves, the rays of the sun, a cup of aromatic coffee in the morning.

Simple things that are always there. Even small pleasant events that occur in the life of every person and which many do not even pay attention to, cause delight in happy people, a lot of positive emotions.

6. Gratitude

Happy people know how to be grateful for all the good things that happen in their lives. Even in psychology, there is the concept of a “gratitude diary”, where it is recommended to enter every day a list of all the good things that have happened and for which it is worth thanking the Universe.

7. To become happy learn to give, not just take

A person who is ready to give, give, give away his warmth, energy, time will be happy. The more you give, the more you get in return. It has long been proven that a person receives more pleasure by giving gifts. Seeing someone happy, rejoicing, laughing, and being involved in this is a wonderful feeling that gives an unforgettable experience. This is happiness - to see the shining eyes of loved ones, to make someone happy.

8. Happy people are progressive, actively interested in everything new.

For a person to feel happy, he must develop and move forward. That is why happy people are characterized by an interest in everything new, they are not afraid to master progressive technology, are interested in modern technologies, are passionate about some kind of hobby, and are aware of all the new products.

They are interested in trying unusual things, changing their field of activity, attending various courses, and improving their professional and creative level. As a rule, they are easy-going, love to travel. It can be both long trips and exploration of nearby cities and attractions. There is nothing better than a change of scenery to get away from everyday life and routine. Even a simple weekend getaway is a great way to become happier.

9. Happy people surround themselves with optimistic people.

Happy people try to avoid the company of boring, boring and dissatisfied people. They prefer the company of positive, cheerful, humorous people. In the end, like attracts like - easy to communicate, lively, energetic, seeing good friends much more interesting grumbling and dissatisfied.

Negative thinking and dissatisfaction with life does not carry any charge and incentive for happy life. Therefore, in addition to changes in oneself, it will not be superfluous to reconsider the circle of one's communication. Try to stop negative outbursts from others - words, thoughts, deeds. It is worth reaching out to interesting and outstanding personalities, multifaceted creative people who can tell a lot of interesting things, teach something new, next to whom you can grow and not degrade.

9. Happy people know how to listen and hear

When a person knows how to listen, he expresses respect for his interlocutor and opens himself to receive new information.

10. Happy people don't waste time talking.

Time is the most valuable and irreplaceable resource. So is it worth spending precious minutes of life talking about nothing, regretting what can no longer be changed, empty platitudes, self-digging and self-pity, doubts, walking around and around? We so often talk a lot about all sorts of trifles, but we are silent about the main thing. And then we regret it. A happy person is able to formulate his thoughts clearly and clearly, he organizes them into a constructive and deep conversation, displacing light chatter.

11. Happy people let themselves lose track of time.

Remember how in childhood, being passionate about something, time and the whole world around us froze and ceased to exist. Likewise, happy adults are looking for something to do and a hobby they like in order to return to the state of “weightlessness” again.

12. Happy people are able to cope with failures and move away from them quickly.

A happy person perceives any obstacle or miss as a challenge, and any failure as an experience from which appropriate conclusions are drawn. Such people have learned not to reproach and scold themselves in difficult situations, but on the contrary, seek to find an excuse, reassurance. It didn’t work out today - it will turn out tomorrow, there was not enough knowledge, experience, time - all this can be corrected. This is just a chance to become smarter, faster, to learn new things. Optimists easily move away from failures, do not get hung up, but move forward. This ability to self-healing is an important quality that can and should be cultivated in oneself.

How to become happier?

13. Happy people prefer face-to-face communication and know how to make friends and build relationships with other people.

They disconnect from the network and prefer personal relationships to virtual conversations through social networks. They feel quite normal without the Internet, computer, TV and other time-consuming nonsense. They prefer to spend their free time with maximum benefit, they read a lot.
Happy people know how to make friends, they are sociable and easily find mutual language even with strangers. They know how to approach relatives and dear people. Like subtle psychologists, they feel the interlocutor and can fly across half the country to see a close friend.

14. A happy person knows how to love

The energy of love is the most powerful in the universe. A happy person loves himself, those around him, nature, animals, and his work. Whatever he undertakes, he does everything with pleasure. emits waves that attract other people. Therefore, happy people are always loved.

15. Happy people have a special relationship with money.

As a rule, a happy person treats money very easily. He does not neglect them, he knows how to earn them, but he also easily parted with them. He gets pleasure by sharing them, participating in charity, helping those in need. A happy person is capable of selfless deeds, volunteer work. Giving, he rarely expects something in return, so he always gets more.

And the last:

happy people think positively and script their every day in a positive way. They know how to block negative thoughts and are always tuned in even before they start any business. About the power of thought, desire and positive thinking many books have been written and filmed a large number of documentaries.

It all starts with a desire for the best and become happy. The pursuit of pleasure, spending money on yourself, the accumulation of wealth, material goods, which many understand as happiness, have nothing to do with the true feeling and awareness of being a happy person. Believe me, the one who really wanted to be happy will become it!