Scientists have proven that in families where parents often quarrel, children are constantly under stress and often get sick. Already from the age of 4 months, children whose mothers are often nervous begin to sleep and eat poorly. At the same time, the more serious family conflicts, the worse the child develops and gets sick more often.

In medicine, the decline immunity against the background of regular stress, it is customary to call the psychosomatic cause of the development of the disease. Children are more susceptible to diseases caused by stressful situations, since they are not yet used to them and do not know how to behave when people they love very much swear.

Parents they can quarrel and make peace in 5 minutes, and the child has already experienced severe stress and the next day he has a fever. To make sure that the child's immunity is weakened for psychosomatic reasons, you do not need to be a doctor. You just need to be more attentive and remember when your child got sick and how recently you fought with your spouse in his presence.

So it turns out parents who try to protect their own from all life's adversities and illnesses, themselves become the cause of a weakening of his immunity and a deterioration in well-being. Arranging constant quarrels and showdowns, they themselves violate the child's health, and then stuff him with antibiotics, antipyretic and anti-inflammatory pills, which, as you know, "one is treated, and the other is crippled."

Of course, every family Mother and dad sometimes find out the relationship in a raised voice. After all, the family is a living system, which consists of individuals with different views on life and characters. Therefore, conflicts and disputes are inevitable even in happy families. They are even in some sense useful, if they are not reduced to personal attacks, they lead to solutions to constructive problems and the removal of emotional stress.

but quarreling are different. There are families where mom and dad swear at regular intervals, ignoring the presence of a child in the apartment. Even if he sits in another room, he hears well how his parents insult and blame each other. All the words spoken in a rush, the parents themselves can forget after a while, and they will crash into the children's heart forever.

Permanent screams, swearing and quarrels between parents can lead not only to a decrease in the child's immunity, but also to serious violations of his psyche. Many cases can be cited when a child from conflict families stutters, suffers from enuresis, nervous tics and nightmares. Parents who regularly swear in the presence of a child should not be glad that no serious neurotic disorders are observed in their child. They will feel the result of their wrong behavior years later, when their son or daughter becomes a teenager and begins to show disrespect towards themselves.

Often children that grow in an atmosphere of ongoing conflict, in adolescence start behaving like that. After all, a child copies the behavior of his parents and, already in adolescence, in order to solve his problem, yells at adults and is rude to them. The roots of inappropriate adolescent behavior must be sought in family relationships between parents.

Some parents after quarrels, they try to make amends with the child, giving him increased attention and affection, giving him gifts or organizing joint walks in an amusement park. Unfortunately, such an approach in education only leads to the fact that the child begins to understand that he can manipulate his parents, you just need to wait until they quarrel again and then you can ask them to buy everything he wants.

To reduce the negative impact of family quarrels on the health of the child, try not to complain to your spouse in the presence. If it was not possible to avoid the dispute, try to refrain from insults and rude words to the maximum. It is impossible to threaten each other with a divorce in front of a child, since these words may not hurt the spouses, and for the child, the fact that soon he will not have a father or mother next to him will become a great stress.

To quarrel parents did not greatly traumatize the child’s psyche, try to minimize scandals, if you have already failed to protect children’s ears from your abuse, make sure that he becomes a witness not only of your quarrel, but also of gentle reconciliation. So the child will be much easier to survive the stress next time. He will understand that parents can yell at each other, but then they will definitely calm down and hug. So they love each other.

Most dangerous for child psyche and immunity when parents, in the heat of anger, not being able to solve their problems, involve the child in a conflict and tear him apart with demands and questions: “Come with me, I’m leaving dad!”, “Dad doesn’t need you and me, get dressed, we are now let's go!", "Choose who you want to stay with, we're getting a divorce," etc. A child loves his father and mother equally, it is difficult for him to choose one. Even if he makes a choice in favor of his mother, years later he will definitely remind her that he was small and hypocritical when he decided to stay with his mother and accuse her of depriving him of his father.

"But there are many families where parents rarely quarrel, and their children are constantly sick and grow up aggressive and angry," many will say. Yes, there are many such families. In such families, parents prefer to blame wrong upbringing their children "bad genes", the influence of the street, the upbringing of their grandmother, etc. Few of them at the same time admit that they never felt respect and love for their spouse, and therefore did not sort things out. They lived, believing that a child should have a father and mother, even though they no longer even respected each other and were on the verge of divorce.

Meanwhile, divorce although it has a negative impact on the psyche of the child, its impact on the health of children is many times less than the harmful effects of constant quarrels and scandals between parents. Even if mom and dad do not quarrel and outwardly the family gives the impression of being prosperous, the child sees well and feels that hostility and false politeness are present in the house. Such a home environment can be more damaging to the child's psyche and health than divorce.

Where do people get sick? Why do some of us, without drinking a single pill, happily live to old age, while others regularly visit the pharmacy? Why do pathogenic viruses bypass someone by the fifth road, and hit someone without restraint? These questions have always bothered people. Primitive people saw the will of the gods in their illnesses, the ancient Greeks associated the disease with temperamental characteristics, and modern medicine considered heredity, bad habits, and pollution to be the main factors of disease. environment and imperfect system medical care. However, long-term medical observations confirm that our health directly depends on the psychological atmosphere prevailing in the family. If there is no love, then there will be diseases ...

V Lately official medicine began to look for the causes of illness and recovery of patients in areas that at first glance are not related to viruses, bacteria or DNA defects. And all because from time to time physicians were faced with situations that did not fit into any traditional scheme. Let's say that children of the same age and level were admitted to the hospital physical development patients with pneumonia. The disease of all babies was caused by a certain bacterium. All children received the most the best treatment in accordance with the diagnosis, but the effectiveness of therapy was different. Some patients recovered, some received serious complications, and some died. Doctors tried to figure out why this happened?

Subsequently, it turned out that the children who could not be saved were witnesses of constant quarrels between their parents. Instead of love and mutual understanding, hatred reigned in these families. Adults could not stand each other, but lived together to raise a child. The kids who grew up in such an unhealthy atmosphere had a weakened immune system and, unlike their happy peers, harmonious families failed to defeat the infection. The factor that traditional medicine did not take into account, it turned out to be the most important!

The question arises how to preserve the health of the child for a long time. Over the years of research, doctors have scientifically proven that medical care (of course, has a colossal role) has much less effect on the appearance of disorders in a child’s health than family lifestyle, food traditions, the level of parental responsibility for a child, the participation of family members in raising a baby, the presence of an atmosphere goodwill, unity in the family. And it is not the inherited diseases of the father or mother, not the alcoholism of the next of kin, but quarrels between parents that cause problems with puberty in girls, infertility in young women, and sexual dysfunction in boys. Moreover, this is the only factor that is common to all countries participating in the study.

It turns out that if a husband and wife do not understand each other, constantly quarrel, and even take out evil on their baby (“because there is nothing to spin under their feet!”), Then they have little chance of raising a healthy, cheerful child. The situation worsens significantly if parents call the child unwanted, try to get rid of him before birth, and then take out their irritation on their daughter or son for the fact that the baby takes a lot of time, money and nerves from adults. Under such circumstances, the child will be seriously ill for a long time, regardless of what food he will consume, what air he will breathe, and what water he will drink.
http://medinfa.ru/article/28/119299/

This article is by no means a panacea that answers the question unambiguously. But it will provide an opportunity, once again, to think about the importance of knowing more about relationships so that there are no problems in the family. Many "adults", starting to quarrel, completely forget that their children are nearby, and they are an extension of them. But children do not yet have such mental strength not to suffer when their parents quarrel.

Here is an example from practice:

A regular client's child suddenly fell ill and severe pain in the stomach was taken to the hospital. She “sounded all the bells” and asked very much to get to see me as soon as possible. In such emergencies, I go to an appointment, and I made an appointment for her by phone on the same day. She called, holding back tears, and said that the child had been tested and the intervention of a surgeon was required. She was in a panic, because yesterday everything was in order and nothing foreshadowed such a situation. I will not describe what method I used to find out what happened, but in the process a question arose to her: “Did you start quarreling with your husband yesterday or these days?” She replied that, of course, she quarreled, because he again came drunk, began to provoke a conflict. She could not stand it and ran into him, and everything almost ended in assault.
Immediately everything became clear, and I said that she would immediately call her husband and ask his forgiveness if she wants to save the child from surgery. She tried to resent, why should she ask for forgiveness? To which she received a counter question: “What is more important to you? The health of the child or your own ambitions for your husband?” Then we agreed that she would call back and tell how it would end. That day she did not call back, but I was sure that everything was fixed. And the next day I received confirmation of my confidence.

She called the next day, outside the reception, and said that her husband was sleeping drunk, that she got through to a neighbor to wake him up. The drunken husband could not even speak and mumbled something, and she began to beg and ask for forgiveness for the scandal, explaining how she was wrong. At that moment, a nurse ran to her and said that the child calmed down and fell asleep on the floor. The doctor came up and touched the stomach - the need for surgical intervention disappeared. All the doctors were very surprised, because you rarely see this. They rechecked the previously taken analysis of the child. Everyone was very surprised by the normal levels of leukocytes in the blood and could not believe their eyes. Then everything was written off as an error when they checked it for the first time. After all, what is taken from a person is connected with him, and a change in the energy situation in such cases changes everything.

The mother removed the problem in relation to her husband, the child stopped suffering, blood tests changed, and recovery took place. Therefore, think again, are the scandals that you arrange for each other worth your children suffering? Of course, this is an extreme case, but often the children just catch a cold or something else, and everyone refers to his poor health. And they treat him and treat him, than they destroy his liver and other organs, the child grows up weak, sick and unhappy. But it is not him who needs to be treated, but “your relationship”. And in order to understand how to do this, study the materials of this blog, then you can find your way to the recovery of "family relations."

Why do our children get sick?

There are many reasons why a child often gets sick. Bad ecology, overcrowding of kindergartens and schools, malnutrition, an apartment on the outer floors with a damp basement or a leaking roof, a difficult psychological situation at home, stress and much more take away the health of the younger generation. Children get sick much more often than adults, this is the norm. This is how it works children's body that in the disease immunity is “hardened”, acquires the necessary tone.
Most often we are dealing with SARS: in the range from 6 months to 6 years, the baby's body is most sensitive to a respiratory viral infection. This is a feature of the immune system of a child at this age. In the first few months (usually this coincides with the period breastfeeding plus two more months) the infant is protected from most infections by the antiglobulins found in breast milk.
A characteristic feature of the immunity of children aged 2-6 years is the intensive "training" of the cells of the immune system to recognize a huge number of viruses, foreign particles that the baby encounters. Consequently, ARVI transferred in early childhood contribute to the formation and maturation of the child's immunity. Sometimes in healthy children, for various reasons, adenoids and tonsils grow, the baby begins to get sick often and for a long time. Communication with children's doctors becomes habitual for him and his parents.

The future is long before the start
The future health of the baby is laid even before it appears in the mother's tummy. And in many respects it is determined by how responsibly future mom pertains to this issue. During pregnancy, it is important for a woman not to have chronic diseases, eat right, walk a lot, breathe clean air, see all the most beautiful and harmonious around her. But, unfortunately, not all expectant mothers are ready to give up tobacco, alcohol and even drugs. Family conflicts also have a bad effect on the unborn child. The unborn baby “participates” in all the “showdowns” of adults. Due to stress hormonal background women is disturbed, which leads to a malfunction in the work of all fetal systems. Parents quarrel, and the child in the stomach “dances”, somersaults. The result is entanglement with the umbilical cord, incorrect position of the fetus, problematic childbirth. From the first days of life, such a baby begins to suffer from frequent colds, disorders of the intestinal microflora, and allergies. He spends the priceless immune cells that he inherited from his mother to fight diseases. And its own protection system will be formed only by the age of three.

On the side of the child
Currently, many doctors recognize the connection between frequent illnesses children and the psychological situation in the family. Although the fact that children are influenced by the lifestyle of their parents, they started talking, in general, recently. In the first row is the famous French psychoanalyst Francoise Dolto, whose books are read by parents all over the world. In her book On the Side of the Child, Dolto tells that already at the age of 8 she noticed how the condition and health of her brothers, especially the youngest, was unsettled due to various domestic troubles. After quarrels between the cook and the Englishwoman who looked after his brother, the boy often vomited, a doctor was called to him, he prescribed treatment and a diet, but everything went down the drain, as soon as a new quarrel arose in the house. 8-year-old Françoise wondered why the doctor, having learned that the child had indigestion, said: “We need to put the baby on a diet and keep him at home,” and not ask: “What happened to you before the child vomited?” It seemed to her that if the doctor knew that the cause of the malaise little brother there was a quarrel between the cook and the Englishwoman, he could calm the baby: “Pay no attention, they quarreled, but you don’t need to worry about it. This is the eternal squabble between the cook and miss. I figured that out a long time ago, so you can do without vomiting. What do you care about their quarrels! Saturated family life allowed Françoise to observe the extent to which relationships between people and all sorts of tests affect emotional tone and health. That is why she decided to become a doctor-educator, "...the kind of doctor who knows that children sometimes get sick from the way they are brought up." Françoise Dolto understood well that what were called diseases were actually emotional reactions. The babies expressed with their bodies what they could not express in words, crying, feelings, “reacting with their whole being to the joys and sorrows that exist in the life of their family group, and sharing them with others in their own way.”
Working as a pediatrician, a child psychoanalyst, Dolto shocked her colleagues by talking to infants and young children who had not yet mastered articulate speech, telling them what they would do with them, talking about their parents, inquiring about business. And the little patients felt better. With such communication, Francoise Dolto helped the kids express themselves either in the words of an adult (if they did not know how to speak yet), or in their own words, gestures, drawings.

Who should go to the doctor?
In psychiatry there is a special section called "psychosomatic disorders". Enuresis, nervous tic, headaches, stuttering, asthma, neurodermatitis are typical psychosomatic diseases. As a rule, parents are looking for a solution to these problems in the office of a neurologist. However, as practice shows, to begin with, the causes of the disease should be looked for in yourself. Try to analyze your actions and deeds. Are you overly demanding of your child? How often and in the case do you punish him? And isn’t the baby the very object for which you “didn’t sleep at night”, and therefore consider it possible to take out Bad mood and resentment. No one is asking you to answer out loud! Reading these lines, you are alone with yourself, so face the truth ... Unfortunately, sometimes we forget that a child, even if he is ALREADY 5-6 years old, is still small, and much is still difficult and incomprehensible to him. But instead of helping the baby, we sometimes drive him into a corner, and then wonder why the child got sick. And the baby simply “runs away” from our parenting style into a “disease”, because there, in illness, there is a kind, caring mother who will play, read, entertain, not scold for bad behavior, cook delicious fruit drinks and show other things unusual for her miracles of parental love.
Recently, I became an unwitting witness to how a neuropathologist works at the Filatov hospital. Parents with children come and describe the symptoms. And already by the way adults talk about it, how they behave with “sick” kids, it becomes clear that it is necessary to deal not with the child, but with the troubles of the parents. The child is just a mirror of the family situation.
Pediatricians are in an even more difficult position - they do not deal with nervous diseases, but most often with SARS. The crumbs have been treated for years either for the flu, or for gastritis, or for pyelonephritis, but you need to look at the root - in the family situation. By the way, Francoise Dolto called medicine, which deals only with the elimination of symptoms of childhood diseases, veterinary.


Childhood of parents - diseases of children?
If a child does not receive love, attention from parents, he starts to get sick. Then they rush with him, take care of him. He gets attention, only in a very specific way. The kid quickly realizes that, being sick, he becomes the master of the situation. Now it is of value to parents. Sometimes, if the child is not only often sick, but other symptoms of trouble appear (school failure, depression, bad relationship with teachers and peers), he is taken to a psychologist or psychotherapist. However, it is necessary to be treated by a psychotherapist not only for the crumbs, but, first of all, for the parents. The illnesses of the little man are the result of their psychological ill health, especially of the mother. If the mother is unhappy, the child is unlikely to be healthy. Parents, preoccupied with themselves, with their experiences, conflicts, problems, try to compensate for the lack of spiritual warmth with external care. They feed, clothe, take them to doctors, but they cannot give you anything else. It is known that childhood trauma for the psyche is the most dangerous. All our adult problems, complexes, phobias come from an unhappy childhood. If in childhood we were not “loved” by our parents, then all our life we ​​will demand increased attention from others, doubt ourselves and not trust our loved ones. Further problems - dependence on computer games, alcoholism, drug addiction, etc. It is clear that not a single mother in her right mind and sober mind would wish all this for her child, everything happens out of thoughtlessness, inability to live differently. What if your baby really does not get out of illness, because you are unhappy, dissatisfied with yourself and your life? Maybe you really need the help of a psychotherapist, a psychologist to understand yourself?
If you have already understood what your "contribution" to the child's ill health is, take it with all responsibility - finally take concrete steps so that you and your child live well! Think over a rational regimen for the baby: good sleep, good nutrition, mandatory walks on fresh air. Try to exclude joint visits to megamarkets (at least up to five years), do not overload the vulnerable child's psyche with unnecessary impressions, watching TV horrors.

"Shy Mom"
It also happens that, honestly peering into the past, parents do not find signs of "dislike", children's fears and other dissatisfaction with life, and the baby in the future is unlikely to be able to say bad things about you: you are always there, ready to help at any moment , you feel the same disease instantly. Immediately put a thermometer under your armpit, call the best specialist for advice, put the baby to bed, drink safe, but effective pills, and during the recovery period, strictly observe all precautions: do not allow anything - neither run, nor jump, nor dance. After all, all this "takes away strength from an organism that has not yet become stronger." Stop! Don't you think that this fixation on the disease is, in fact, the disease itself? Observing such a “fixation” on the illness of the adults around him, the child also begins to consider himself a chronically ill, and accordingly behaves not like healthy children: he is afraid of any physical exertion, since “even running can make you sick”, does not laugh, because “ there will be a load on a sore throat. The kid is lethargic, sluggish, sits at home with a scarf around his neck, looks sadly at a book and gets sick, gets sick, gets sick, and his mother continues to treat him intensely, instead of changing her behavior and turning from a “shy” mother hen into a cheerful woman.

I want you to be...
Try to continue this sentence. Sometimes the psychological difficulty of many families where children often get sick is the discrepancy between the expected and real personality of the child. Parents begin to be embarrassed that the baby doesn’t speak like that, doesn’t eat like that, doesn’t move, learns, looks like that. They love him, but ... they are shy, which means they do not accept him, which makes the child wither even more. After all, the baby needs to meet the mother's ideal or father's expectations, and sometimes there is not enough strength for this. Oddly enough, parents
Toddlers are insecure people. From here - the excessive requirements to the child, constantly growing discontent.
Being unable to realize the image of an ideal child, growing up, the baby begins to deceive. He turns into a liar, trying to meet the requirements, and, deceiving, excludes information about himself, which causes negative emotions in parents.
But any deceit rests on fear, and fear is a disease. And not always banal.

Fight disease together
So, the causes of endless colds should not be sought in an open window, and you should not blame the pillow for bouts of asthmatic cough. Try to analyze the psychological and emotional situation in the family. Remember that your lifestyle is the base from which the child is repelled. Negative attitude to work, discontent, irritability lead to ill health. The person becomes more susceptible infectious diseases, is weakening.
We like people who live a full life, we willingly take an example from them. They look healthy, satisfied, happy. The younger generation is favorably influenced by adults who fulfill their work with satisfaction, actively spend their free time, love themselves and are loved by others. Hence the conclusion: improve in the "optimistic education" of children! And although none of the adults is immune from mistakes, it is “more profitable” to engage in prevention than to treat neuroses that have already been imposed on children for years.
Olga ZAKHAROVA
Almanac "Health of the baby"
http://posobie.info/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3156#close

The conviction that in happy family there are no disagreements and quarrels, and if people quarrel, it is because they hate each other, it is fundamentally wrong. The family is a living system consisting of individuals, disputes between which are inevitable. Small conflicts help to clarify the problems of the family, the feelings of its members, and if the showdown is not limited to personal attacks, they can lead to constructive solutions to problems, relieve emotional stress, support each other, stabilize and harmonize family relations - in a word, a new level of family development. However, one should learn to distinguish between ordinary, ordinary conflicts in the family and conflict families.

Family conflict- even stormy, with insults and breaking dishes, does not mean a conflict family. Establishing stability in the family is a difficult and continuous process, the result of which is achieved by the joint efforts of all its members. Goodwill and striving for unity are very important here.

A conflict-free family: quiet happiness or loneliness together?

A conflict-free family may not be prosperous, because conflicts in it are not resolved, but exist latently, deep inside, and the spouses do not see the point in discussing the problem, in trying to change something. Each of them lives on his own - the so-called "loneliness together" arises. There are no open quarrels and disputes, and outwardly the family gives the impression of being quite prosperous. But chronic misunderstanding and attempts to avoid discussions do not lead to harmonization of family relations.

Families that have lived together for many years are truly conflict-free; families where most of the problems are solved, the spouses understand and accept each other, and their family system is resistant to external provoking factors.

What is a "conflict family"?

in conflict families the picture is completely different: in them conflicts can arise on insignificant occasions, accompanied by lengthy quarrels, disputes with mutual insults and accusations. This leads to an increase in tension, which can be protracted, chronic. Such collisions do not lead to constructive solutions, since they cause negative emotional experiences for all family members. This conflict is destructive because it leads to the destruction of relationships.

The real causes of contradictions in such families are difficult to detect, since they can be forced out of consciousness, hidden behind reliable psychological protection, masked by the sharpness of emotional experiences. Conflicts are layered on top of each other as they real reasons are not recognized, discussed and eliminated, but lead to the growth of disagreements, increased hostility and alienation. An image of a conflict family is being formed, where common interests are relegated to the background, constant quarrels injure the psyche, give rise to resentment, and prolonged stressful conditions.

When conflicts arise in the family, children suffer the most. In conflicting families, the influence on children is not manifested directly, as in the cases of families with clearly antisocial behavior (alcoholics, drug addicts, etc.), but indirectly. Such an influence inevitably affects the personality of the child. In this situation, three scenarios are possible:

• The kid becomes a witness to parental disagreements, scandals, attacks on each other.
• A child can become a "lightning rod" - an object of emotional discharge for both parents.
• The kid can become a tool, a "trump card" in resolving the conflict.

Silent witness of parental quarrels

Parents and children form one whole, in which parents are the basis, the basis for mental development kids. Often they do not realize the measure of responsibility for the future development of the child's personality, his life attitudes, preferences, habits, behavioral style. They rarely think about how their quarrels will affect the psyche of the baby, who is completely dependent on the parents, the atmosphere in the family and the attitude towards him. The feeling of security experienced by the baby in the family gives rise to later self-confidence and trust in the world. And stability in adult relationships becomes one of the necessary conditions for security.

How do parental conflicts affect children?

The dissatisfaction of the spouses with each other and the accumulated irritation, resentment, hostility and even hostility often splash out on the baby. A child who resembles his father in appearance or behavior may become the object of constant discontent on the part of the mother, who projects her dissatisfaction with marriage onto him. She ceases to really perceive the behavior of the child, evaluate his individual characteristics, sees only the bad: violation of prohibitions, deliberate behavior, challenge. The appearance of upbringing turns into intolerance, distrust, negative emotions or even direct aggression towards him.

Often, dad and mom also use another strategy to eliminate mutual dissatisfaction. They resort to increased care, attracting the baby to their side, limiting communication with the other parent. Hyper-custody, permissiveness can be dictated not by caring for him, but by fear of loneliness, anxiety for one's own future, the desire to increase one's role and importance in the family. This strategy is more typical for mothers. Transferring the solution of one's own problems to children creates an even more difficult psychotraumatic situation for the child. Negative emotions towards him, disproportionate demands on his behavior or, on the contrary, complete acceptance of all his manifestations do not allow him to realistically assess his behavior and relationships with others. When parents use the baby as a "lightning rod", they make different demands on him, are inconsistent in their actions and expressions of emotions. Such a conflict exacerbates the feeling of insecurity, the insecurity of human relationships, leads to doubts about the child's own value and capabilities. To some extent, the solution of the conflict at the expense of the baby reduces tension in the family, but does not fundamentally solve the problem, while the price of maintaining a fragile balance between spouses is very high.

family dispute resolution tool

Another reason for family conflict is the baby himself. The inability to resolve their contradictions pushes parents to encourage or punish the baby for such behavior, which would prove the rightness of the warring parties. The child should be good, the way the parents want, but at the same time, the ideas - and what, in fact, it means to be good - are different for both spouses. A child cannot be himself, live in harmony with his individuality, but must meet the conflicting standards of his parents. At the same time, parents can begin to dictate terms. “I don’t love you so naughty,” says mom, and dad says: “Goody will never grow up to be a real man!”

Both statements contain the rejection of the child, his censure, but the requirements for his behavior are different. Behind this contradiction may lie the wife’s rejection of her husband’s peremptory attitude, his rigidity, stinginess, rare manifestations of feelings, and the father’s dissatisfaction with his wife, who considers her ideas to be the only true ones, who does not tolerate objections, and does not understand the peculiarities of male behavior. Instead of trying to reach mutual understanding or mutual acceptance, parents resolve their conflict at the expense of the child.

Often, parents tear the baby apart not only with their demands, but also with questions like: "Who do you love more - me or dad?" or urge him to take the side of one of the parents in a quarrel. The child loves both parents, but he cannot openly show his feelings, therefore he begins to be hypocritical, to assist one or the other parent, and at the same time learns to benefit from such a situation. To get the support of the baby, parents are ready to act by any means - affection, excessive frankness, gifts, promises. They hope that the grown-up child will understand everything, evaluate correctly and judge them. However, often such a baby will later lose clear guidelines, and he will get the idea that it is normal and worthy to take advantage of any situation. At the same time, the child cannot change anything - he is forced to live in this contradictory environment.

The ongoing parental conflict transferred to the child can lead to emotional disturbances in the form of anxiety, low mood, sleep and appetite disturbances. The kid can somehow react to the attitude of his parents towards him - by disobedience, protest, aggression - while he cannot react to the relationship between his parents.

Thus, with any unfavorable type of family conflicts, the child develops intrapersonal conflicts: emotional instability, self-doubt, anxiety, isolation, alienation. Moreover, the child can learn the script conflict behavior as the only possible way problem resolution. This scenario can be reproduced in his future family relationships and in relationships with other people, which causes difficulties in his future social life.

Is it possible to avoid conflicts in the family?

No matter how wonderful and friendly the family is, it is unlikely to avoid conflicts. Disagreements in any family are inevitable, since the family is a complex system of relationships between different people with their views, values, habits, characters and personal characteristics. The main thing is not to avoid quarrels, but to learn how to resolve them constructively. Exists various options conflict resolution, but the most acceptable way, and also the most suitable for everyone, is an open search for a compromise. Instead of asking: "Who is to blame?", It is better to ask: "What should we do?", remembering that a dispute or even a quarrel always has one goal - to achieve unity of views in solving a problem. In any case, it is necessary to use all means and methods for an open discussion of the problem and its solution.

Well-known American psychologists Ian Gottlieb and Katherine Colby formulated a number of tips to prevent destructive quarrels between spouses:

In any quarrel, parents must restrain themselves, since marital conflicts cause the greatest harm children. If a quarrel arose in the presence of children, it should be ended positively, so that the children see that you have reconciled, your union has been restored, nothing threatens them. It is very important to caress each other after a quarrel, maybe kiss - it all depends on how it is customary in your family to show their feelings.

Do parents think about why the child often gets sick, suddenly began to stutter or wet the bed? The reason is loud quarrels in the family. An acute topic of the last 10-15 years is family conflict. Children grow up hysterical, capricious, and in adolescence become rude and inattentive.

Do the quarreling mom and dad guess what the baby feels at this time, how scared he is? The fact that he does not know what to do and how to behave. Scandals at home are a disturbed psyche of a child and a misunderstanding of relationships between people.

Constantly quarreling adults do not have enough time for their own child, and the baby does not have enough love and care. Feeling danger during the scandal, the children try to draw attention to themselves.

But the little ones, who have no life experience, do not know how to do it. Smiling, talking, crying does not help. Some children try to commit a fault in order to attract attention.

It is difficult for a child to understand why adults who have only recently quarreled literally in 10-20 minutes behave as if nothing had happened.

Children's behavior in response to parents' quarrels:

• some try to play in the corner without getting caught by adults;
• others freeze in confusion;
• the third goes into hysterics.

The world for a child is a family and, seeing discord, he feels that the world has cracked and is about to collapse. The little man is trying with all his might to return to the old way.

The impact of quarrels on the child

Kids of often cursing parents are afraid that their father (or mother) will leave. Adults often utter words about divorce in anger, not thinking that the daughter or son perceives everything as the truth.

Sometimes mom and dad quarrel over a child. Word for word, and the conflict ceases into a loud scandal for another reason. Adults have forgotten the reason for the start of the quarrel, and the kid still thinks that it is his fault.

Psychologists and psychotherapists note that the child's psyche is formed and consolidated in preschool age. If spouses are irritable, then this will be passed on to children. Conflict situations seen at home injure their psyche and increase excitability, anxiety and fear.

Children who often see angry and fearful parents develop neurosis and even mental illness.

Consequences of quarrels between parents for the child

Aggression, laid down by quarrels between beloved mom and dad, will manifest itself in younger age or a teenager. There were cases when it manifested itself at an older age. The nature of the quarrels affects the degree of consequences:

• curses uttered by parents;
• adult behavior over time;
• frequency of conflicts.

How does parental conflict affect a child?

Scandals in the family have a more than negative impact on children. This:

1. Neurotic symptoms: malaise, nervous tics, the appearance of nausea, bad and obsessive habits - the child bites his nails, bites his lips, twists a lock of hair and more.
2. The threat of divorce causes fear in the baby, which will manifest itself as enuresis.
3. Conflict affects the formation of character and increases nervousness.

Often swearing parents have children who are insecure, aggressive, and do not know how to express good feelings. The loss of parental authority threatens the uncontrollability of the child, he does not appreciate moral and general cultural values.

Having matured, young people cannot calmly resolve the conflict that has arisen and sort out the situation, obsessed with defending their own advantage. Disappointed ahead of time in good relationships, they become unable to gain a positive experience in a team.

They experience difficulties in creating their own family, because in childhood a negative feeling was formed towards the opposite sex.

The impact of parental quarrels on the health of the child

Scientists have proven that frequent stress has a positive effect on the frequency of diseases. The little man does not yet know what to do in cases where the parents swear and the body responds with an increase in temperature. Maternal anxiety negatively affects sleep and appetite as early as 4 months. The baby lags behind in development, reduced immunity causes frequent diseases.

On the one hand, adults protect the baby from diseases, on the other hand, they weaken children's immunity and worsen the child's well-being.

An option is to avoid conflict situations, but if this does not work out, it is worthwhile to foresee actions for such cases in advance.

1. Go to another place, even to the bathroom, without expelling the child. A useful method is to write notes without saying a word.
2. Try not to scream and, moreover, do not hit objects, do not knock or slam doors, so as not to frighten the baby. It is impossible to say what will not be - a small observer perceives what is said for the truth. It is necessary to explain in understandable language the reason for the quarrel between dad and mom.
3. It is imperative to exclude swear words.
4. The child is not to blame for the quarrel of the parents, so you can’t vent your own negative mood on your son or daughter.
5. Learn to explain your own state, calmly prove and convince the other half of a peaceful solution to the problem. Don't remember past hurts. Do not blame each other, showing that someone is to blame. Do not require the husband (wife) to copy the methods of doing things.

It is useful for a child to see the regret of mom and dad about what happened. Adults should ask each other for forgiveness and make peace with children, being an example to follow. It is important for children to know that they are safe at home, and bad moods happen to everyone. Show mutual love and happiness more often.