Photo: Natalia Burukhina

I love to read. More precisely, this is not quite a suitable verb: after reading the book, I just suffer at the physical level if I cannot find something new and interesting for a long time. Immerse yourself in the world of drama or detective story, intrigue or wandering. But it was not always so.

I was surrounded by reading people: my parents, grandparents, their friends ... But I remember well how I was languishing over "Tom Sawyer" and "Conduit and Schwambrania", barely bothering meted out 10–20 pages. But then something clicked ... and I began to read avidly. I don’t know what happened, and I don’t know if it will happen in the life of my children (in my heart I really hope so, I won’t lie).

Having become a mother, I, like millions of parents, faced the fact that children do not always follow their parents' example. So I immediately recall the joke of my university psychology teacher that a person is formed not only by Wednesday, but also by Thursday and Friday ... Moreover, if the eldest son reads and even takes the initiative, then the daughter has to really be forced to sit down at a book, at least from school list. Sadness and pain that haunt me.

Yes, we have a lot of books at home. Yes, we buy a lot of new products with beautiful illustrations and everything, everything, everything. Yes, I read aloud to the children. Yes, I explained that reading develops us like nothing else. Yes, I explained that this will affect the outlook and academic performance. Yes, I swore.

Now I’m hiding and waiting. Although sometimes I force, and even, like a mother viper, I demand to retell what I have read. I'm not so naive as not to know how easy it is to pretend that you are reading ... 25 pages in 3 minutes in second grade.

And now to the main thing, to what excited me. Of course, I've come across such ideas before, but last week a young man stunned me that I was doing nonsense:

Why do you need to love to read in modern world?! All the information you need can be found in a split second. I remembered - excellent, no - I found it again. What difference does it make to me what Tolstoy, Dostoevsky or Remarque thought? I myself decide everything in my life, and those problems are very far from us. Why this extra baggage? It's just garbage in my head.

Far away ?! Garbage?! Truth?! I can say a lot about this, but for some reason all this does not go out of my head. After all, everything is simple and cynical. Only the rational component of our world. It is necessary - found, received, do not - do not bother.

Maybe it's true that our concern with expanding children's horizons, imagination, thinking is no longer needed by anyone. Are we just old fools?

What do you think? To force or not, to educate love and taste or not?

Is it worth squeezing seven sweats out of your beloved child, forcing him to pore over notebooks in the summer, is a personal matter for each parent. In my opinion, to cut back without that short holidays Is just a crime. And no matter what good intentions guided adult aunts and uncles: the desire to pull up a child in his studies, not to let him forget those crumbs of knowledge that he acquired during the school year, and so on, and so on - an uninterrupted training marathon without the right at least, atrocity, no matter how you look at it.

It would seem that all of us, parents, as expected, wish our offspring only the very best, sometimes not noticing that this "best" leads to unexpected and often disastrous results. We are naturally guided by good intentions, but it has long been known what is paved with them. But what lies under our good intentions is still a question. As a teacher with twenty years of teaching experience at school, I have often met with the fact that the parental desire to "do what is best" made children jump over their heads, struggling to comply. And sometimes this bar is so high that children literally "broke", unable to withstand the weight of the heavy burden lying on their fragile shoulders.

Several years ago a boy studied with me. The most ordinary boy, of which there are not many and not enough. It is unlikely that he could be called a genius. To be honest, he did not have enough stars from the sky: everything that he could boast of was given to him with great difficulty. But in the class he was one of the best, at school he was secretly listed as a candidate for medalists and was everyone's pride, because he sat over textbooks day and night. And not figuratively, but in the literal sense of these words. Everything that was asked by the teachers in all subjects, he did "from and to", from line to line, regularly writing dozens of notebooks with notes and exercises. Outwardly, the feeling was created that the boy was zealous exclusively on his own initiative, sitting at his desk for many hours every day, but this was not entirely true. Praying for their son, like an icon, the parents firmly believed in his exclusivity, seeing in him an extraordinary phenomenon and taking his "giftedness" for something extraordinary, given to them as a reward for something that they themselves did not know the name, but why they clearly deserve with their whole lives.

Perceiving the uniqueness of their son as a gift from above, they pulled the last veins out of themselves, hiring expensive tutors. Lack of sleep and malnourishment, they gave him the last, just to "bring him to the people", not thinking about what this race cost him himself. Seeing the inhuman efforts of his parents, tearing away the last from themselves for his sake, and being a bright and grateful man, the boy did not just study, but bit his teeth into science, fearing only one thing: that the inhuman efforts of his loved ones and relatives would not go to dust.

It looked like a snowball. The words "weekend" or "vacation" did not exist for a child. In my opinion, nothing at all existed there, except for one huge "must" hammered into the poor fellow's head with iron nails. To my attempts to intervene and explain that such an approach could turn into trouble for the boy himself, the parents opened their eyes in surprise and invariably replied that this inhuman race was the child's own choice, and by no means their initiative. What could be objected to these words? Outwardly, I repeat again, outwardly they did not press or reap, but with their ambitions they drove their own child into a corner.

Eleven years of endless load did their job: the boy suffered a nervous breakdown with monstrous consequences. Unable to withstand the inhuman load, just before the final exams, he fell ill with a temperature of forty for almost a month. No pills, no herbs, no injections - nothing could bring him out of this state. It's hard to imagine what the parents themselves have experienced during this month, but it never, not for a single moment, did it occur to them that the boy's illness was not an accident that could interfere with his whole bright future, but retribution for their own exorbitant ambitions ... How they managed to force their son to cultivate such a monstrous sense of duty, which is impossible, let alone dragging - to move, is unknown, but their story is a clear example of a blind parental love, which led to disastrous results, and, in my opinion, one cannot but agree with this.

Well, you say, parental ambition is a relatively exotic, rare case, to be equal or not is a private matter for everyone. But what about the fact that the child does not have enough time in one or several subjects, and summer is his only chance to catch up with everything that is missed and not drown completely?

Let's say school year turned out to be difficult for some reason: the child was sick a lot, missed a lot of new material and, for one reason or another, significantly lagged behind the class. I admit that such a case is possible, not only that such a situation occurs all the time. But even this option is not a reason to force the little man to work in the summer. Think for yourself, having hurt almost all academic year weakened, exhausted to the extreme, he will pore over textbooks even summer. And in what state do you think he will go to school in the new year? Blooming, rested and full of energy? That's really unlikely. Exhausted, not catching his breath, lethargic, he will fail the next academic year, this is unambiguous.

Think for yourself, are you going on vacation? And it's better if the vacation is in the summer, right? And somewhere to the sea, with a booklet, on a sun lounger. Or to the dacha, to your favorite beds. Or somewhere else. That's how anyone likes it better. But you still need a vacation, right? And him? Or her? Or don't they need a vacation? Or do you seriously consider those unfortunate five or six days, which are called autumn or spring holidays, as a vacation, and of which exactly half, if not more, a "good" school forces your child to attend "voluntary" events? Then you are deeply mistaken, because not only is the child forced to give some days from the holidays for the good of the team, but also a lot of homework has been assigned to him for these very vacations. Rejoicing at a suitable opportunity, everything that for some reason was not passed during school time is thrown onto the child's long-suffering head during the holidays. And what remains for him directly to rest, in other words, like a cat's tears, cannot be called.

And now summer comes, hated textbooks are handed over to the library. It would seem that all the torment is over, and you can finally breathe freely, and it is here that kind parents show care, from which any normal child wants to howl. The first reaction to such an initiative of the older generation is bewilderment and a weak hope that by some miracle it will be possible to bring relatives to their senses, but after a day or two (this is at best, and sometimes instantly), indignation replaces bewilderment. By the way, it is quite legal, and as a consequence of this, rejection of studies in general. Depending on the number of summer activities, this rejection turns into simple hatred or desperate hatred.

Having become angry and cursing everything in the world, the little person begins to worry, grieve and sincerely suffer. Unable to resist parental pressure, he sat down to study, but there is no benefit from such studies. Scratching for dictation, he outputs page after page, making the same mistakes because his head is completely different. Thinking that all his friends are playing something interesting without him, he really experiences his misfortune, and no commas can stay in his memory, no matter how hard he tries to please his relatives who care for his welfare.

Such dictations are especially "productive" if the parent himself is not particularly literate or does not have the skills of teaching the subject, which, however, is much more common. Knowing the correct spelling or placement of this or that sign, he cannot explain why it is done this way and not otherwise, and, emphasizing all the mistakes in the writing, he profoundly utters: "Look, child, and remember that next time this will not be admit ". Very wise, I tell you. There can be no sense from such activities, except harm. Not only will the child never understand why he was wrong, but he will also waste precious vacation time. And if such a "training" lasts from day to day, then there will be a mess in my head, and it will be so difficult for a professional to disentangle it later.

But what to do, you say, if the child actually fell behind the program? It is clear that the health of a beloved child is priceless, and no school grades will compensate for his loss. But starting up studies, letting everything go by itself, is also not the best way... Nobody argues with this. If a child needs your support, you need to help him, but this help should be reasonable and go to his benefit, not harm.

It is advisable that the boots be tackled by the shoemaker, and the paintings are painted by the artist, and not vice versa, and therefore will be ideal option, if parents invite a professional tutoring specialist to help their son or daughter.

If there is no such opportunity in the family (due to material or any other problems), then classes are also possible at the child-parent level. The only condition for this type of help should be a well-chosen manual, which must include the keys (answers to all the necessary questions) and comprehensive explanations for these keys. Similar collections exist on almost any subject - be it mathematics, Russian or something else.

Before starting classes, it is advisable to consult with the teacher teaching the subject at the school, or with any other specialist who is competent in this area. And one more thing: the time allotted for a child's rest should be used for its intended purpose, that is, for rest, and not for patching up "holes". Pity your children as much as possible, do not load more on their shoulders than they can carry, and then they will be fine. Take pity on your children, which means you love, because there is no one else to do this.

Dremova Olga, teacher

It so happens that the parents cannot force the child to read. At first, children read with difficulty, but over time, the skill is developed. As a result, the child reads well, but interest in literature either remains or disappears.

Parents should not despair, because the main thing is to instill in the child the desire to learn new things through reading.

You should not put pressure on your child, demand the impossible from him. Of course, every mother and father wants their child to be praised, in particular for his school performance. But we should not forget that the current requirements and standards of education are fundamentally different from the previous ones, and not in better side... The curriculum has become very complex and oversaturated.

Sometimes teachers give the child an overly intense load. The young creature does not know how to deal with it. As a consequence of this, states of hopelessness, protest against overload, may arise.

The computer and the Internet have a significant impact on the child's psyche. If 10-15 years ago people received information by reading newspapers, magazines, books, now the Internet plays a key role in understanding the world. A child, as a rule, is not interested in extracting information from the network; on the Internet he wants to chat with friends or play games. Internet addiction often arises and children spend all their free time at the computer. Parents' attempts to tear him away from his favorite hobby end in hysterics. With this addiction, undoubtedly, it is necessary to fight. It is necessary that the child gradually weaned from the Internet. Mom should interest her child. Show that communication, games with parents are much more enjoyable and interesting than a computer.

Parents should also spend as much time as possible with their children, do homework together, go for walks, and play active, educational games. Thus, family love will grow stronger, and the baby will have a desire to spend time with mom and dad, trust in them, the child will be sincerely happy to surprise the parents.

A mistake in raising children is the imposition of a certain occupation, for example, reading. Parents should not reproach their child for not enjoying reading. The reasons for the lack of interest can be laziness, fatigue, or just a desire to take a break from studies, mental stress. Relatives' expectations of success and achievement can confuse the child, contribute to excessive stress and even panic. Excessive demands of the parents can lead to the loss of contact with the child. He will certainly become capricious, act contrary to the requirements.

“How to force a child to read”, many are interested, while forgetting that the word “force” has a negative meaning, the meaning of coercion. It is unpleasant for every person when he is forced, ordered to do something, a child in particular. Reading should be enjoyable, not a compulsory process.

You should be aware that reading and writing is the final stage in preparing children. preschool age... If a child can read and write, it means that he has already developed such cognitive functions as imagination, attention, self-control, aspiration and desire to develop. It should be reiterated that children should not be overloaded with knowledge. Sometimes parents try to teach a child to read when he is not yet 3 years old. It is not right. At this age, the brain is not fully formed, the assimilation of information is almost impossible.

It is known that at the age of 4-5 years, a young creature actively shows interest in the letters, inscriptions that he sees, in the speech of the speaker. This indicates that the child is ready for mental activity, memorizing letters, words, reading and correct speech reproduction.

Another simple rule that will help in the development of children. Parents need to demonstrate that the book is the right subject for Everyday life... For example, a mother can often read, learn any useful details from books, magazines, newspapers. In this way, the child will be served good example... If the parents do not read, reading may seem useless to the child. Dad and mom should also engage in self-education, learn something new and useful every day. The child will begin to imitate his parents, which will undoubtedly bring him benefit and joy.

At the age of 10-14, children may not read what is provided for in the school curriculum, but be interested in various comics, fairy tales. Over time, the child will feel growing up and comics will seem uninteresting to him. As for adolescence, it should be noted that children's lives are changing. On their part, more attention is paid to peers, communication. Interest in learning disappears. However, if a child is overly addicted to reading, it can be assumed that in this way he closes in his inner world, he has problems with communication.

Often, children have speech difficulties. The very process of speaking, reading, writing becomes difficult. In this case, parents should pay special attention to the child, as often as possible to train his thinking abilities.

Reading is a rather difficult process of perceiving information. It is sometimes difficult for children to master good reading technique, because it is not easy and requires considerable effort. Parents should be told that reading should be enjoyable, because only then this process will not seem like a burden. It is important that the child understands the full benefits of reading, making it an enjoyable and rewarding experience.

As for poetry, they play a significant role in the education and development of children. Parents should read as many verses as possible, thus training memory, strengthening logical thinking... It is necessary to select good poetry so that the child wakes up a keen interest in rhyme and wordplay. Games for memorizing words and riddles will undoubtedly be useful. The development of the baby should be approached from different angles. It is necessary to visit children more often cultural events, take him to the theater, listen to classical music. It is important that the child develops as a full-fledged cultural personality. Exhibitions of paintings can be interesting for both parents and children. Children perceive well the painting of interior items, decorative figures, etc. The kid is visited by inspiration. You can also visit various puppet theaters, circus performances, ice shows etc. Some children like to be on dance performances, cheerful energetic music, undoubtedly arouses delight and admiration in the child.

Can a child be persuaded to read? Is it worth wasting time talking about the benefits of reading, or is it better to forcefully coerce it? What should a parent do who, in despair, gives up because the child does not read, and at school he has a reputation for being lazy? We are talking about myths, stereotypes and mistakes of parents with the children's neuropsychologist Maria Chibisova.

In the first grade, the child read poorly, had difficulty putting letters into words. Over time, the skill of reading has developed, but neither at ten nor at fourteen years old the child does not have the habit of reading. At the same time, everyone in the family has a higher education, everyone reads a lot and considers reading to be an inexhaustible resource and an extremely important skill. What to do?

Reading books is good. But we must not forget and take into account the time in which we live. Today, information is perceived in a different way than it was five to ten years ago. We used to read books, newspapers and magazines - this was the main way to get information. Today we receive it through the computer and from the Internet. Therefore, the requirements of dads and moms regarding reading are often not entirely adequate and do not take into account the modern context. This is the first thing.

Secondly, parents are often too emotional in their expectations. In annoying and strict conversations, expressions can slip through: "you won't read, you will grow up as a janitor ...". By the efforts of the parents, the meaning is substituted. Instead of "reading is interesting and great pleasure," we get: "reading is right, you need to."

Expectations of this kind from relatives cause in the child, first of all, tension, which gives rise to a complex of “meeting expectations”. The very fact of reading ceases to be a process for him and turns into a "fad". Reading, on the other hand, becomes a load, a voltage, and at the output causes a protest.

That is why so many parents are faced with the fact that modern children have no interest in books at all, they do not perceive them.

But there is also another side. Children have difficulty reading and get tired easily. Shouldn't they be forced to read in order to develop a habit through regularity?

In fact, reading is one of the child's skills that can be enjoyable and is positive point in his life.

V Lately in general, there is a tendency to escalate the situation not only around reading, but in general around teaching children and preparing them for school. Learning has begun to take up too much time in a child's life compared to how it used to be. Parents' emotions also increased in this regard. Emotions are very specific, which are imposed on the child: we want you to be an excellent student. Parents regularly transfer their own school experience to the child, often negative. The process of schooling in this way becomes very stressful. And the reading here is the most telling example.

Many parents naively believe that if my child can read, he is ready for school. This is a huge mistake. And this is absolutely not the case.

Why?

Reading and writing are the last things a preschooler should be able to do. The primary is the level of development of higher cognitive functions: is he able to concentrate attention, how developed his self-control and motivation. It’s not about play motivation, which by school still remains in the asset of any child, but about cognitive. Is the child able, without any pressure from the outside, on his own initiative and with natural interest, to sit and study something? Does he have the strength to do it?

Very often (until the first year of life), parents show the baby letters on cards, hoping to teach him to read: "so small, but he will already know the letters!" But in fact, for parents, this is more satisfaction of their ambitions than natural needs child. Of course, he will not know anything, because purely physiologically in one year old the parts of the brain responsible for distinguishing signs, their retention and reproduction have not yet been formed. At best, if something succeeds, it is to develop a conditioned reflex.

If the child develops harmoniously from the first years of life, if the parents are attentive to the course of the process of his development, attentive to his needs in this development and give the child what in each specific period of his life he needs and is important, then reading will appear by itself and problems with him will not arise.

How many examples we see when children themselves learn to read. Usually this happens at five or six years old, sometimes even at four. They begin to show interest in letters, in the inscriptions on the street, they quickly grasp and remember. And for this it is not at all necessary to organize any special process. The emergence of this interest is a sign of the physiological formation of the brain, preparedness for the perception of this information. But in no case should you immediately load the child: oh, you started reading, now you will do it every day with us, like lessons. Reading should not become a "binding". It should be a pleasant pastime in which the child achieves success, an exciting game. The tasks that the parent sets for the child should be based not on expectations, but on possibilities.

Forcing a child to read by force is impossible even more so. Any violence always has consequences. At the very least, reading will not be a voluntary and natural process. In the matter of reading, there should definitely be freedom. The child should enjoy reading. After all, reading is an occupation that, by definition, cannot but please. We must arouse interest in this process, support and help overcome difficulties. The main question that should be faced by parents is not "how to force?", But "how to help in reading?"

There is an opinion that if a child sees a parent with a book, he will certainly read it.

Not necessarily, but the likelihood does rise. If a child with early age sees that a book is a common and necessary object in the house, everyone uses it, that through the book he himself receives positive emotions, the likelihood that he will continue to want to receive these emotions is very high.

If no one reads in the family, and the parents demand from the child what they do not do themselves, then reading can become a field of resistance and war between the child and adults. The attitude towards reading should be normal, not very emotionally charged and rather positively colored.

If parents are engaged own development, and the child observes this, if he sees that dad and mom themselves are interested in a lot of things, including reading, reading for them is not hard work, but easy and pleasant leisure, then the children are fed from this emotionally.

When the child is young, we are willing to be tolerant of a lack of interest in reading. But I would like for a child to read a certain age, 10-14 years old, and the initiative came from him, so that he would take the book himself. And it happens in different ways. The initiative does not come from one child, but from the other, but preference is given to literature not for age: instead of a novel, comics. What could be the reason for this?

Let's start with the older ones. Fourteen years is adolescence when a person's motivation is no longer cognitive. At this age, children usually begin to study worse and lose interest in learning. This is fine. There is no need to expect that the child's interest in books will be greater and sincere than in communication. If a child is developing normally, then books he will prefer communication with peers. But if at the age of fourteen he is sitting with a book, then this rather indicates that he is leaving for his own world and, perhaps, incompetent among his peers and in communications.

Children 8-11 years old are a completely different story. This is just the most cognitive age... Their leading activity, that is, training, should be normal. And here the parents want the child to read serious books. What does this mean? Only about their own ambitions: look what a developed child we have, what an educated and intelligent family we have.

There is nothing wrong with comics. On the one hand, it is fashionable and accepted among peers, on the other, it is simple: large text, colorful pictures, no effort is needed.

Of course, physiological difficulties play an important role in reading (and interest in simply viewing comics). Nowadays, we observe functional difficulties in very many children. As a rule, they are the result of attention deficit, severe fatigue, and difficulties in mastering the motor program.

Children who have not crawled for up to a year, or have crawled a little, eventually develop difficulties in writing and reading. While crawling ( motor development) the motor program is assimilated when we learn to put small elements into larger ones. Sounds - into syllables, syllables - into words, words - into sentences. This process is based on the assimilation of the motor program.

Speech difficulties have also become common: children are late and speak poorly. And poor sound pronunciation often turns into dyslexia, dysgraphia. When the process of literature itself is difficult for a child, this is a signal. ... Why is this so? The parents must find the answer. If you do not deal with the child, do not compensate for the difficulties, it is not enough to study, then the probability of later discovering difficulties in reading is 100%. Reading is the same process as speaking, only more complex. While reading, we do not just assimilate auditory images, but we associate auditory images and visual-letter images. And it's no wonder that children refuse to read. I don’t want to do what is difficult. That which is easy, interesting and pleasurable, brings the child some kind of childish benefit - it is positively fixed in the mind. The child is ready to return to this. It’s useless to say: it’s useful, it’s useful. You can, of course, say this, but it is naive to hope that this will influence and rebuild the child's view. Until the child himself actually benefits from this (his own nursery), he will not understand all the benefits of reading. That is why it is important that the reading process is positively colored. Be sure that the child will then prefer to use this method of obtaining information again.

And if not physiology, then what else could the refusal of reading by children, for example, poetry, voluminous novels be connected with?

We live in the era of the computer and television. Information is given and received in a primitive and easy way. This way of perceiving information is a passive way. Everything is immediately provided to a person in a chewed form. No additional voltage is required from it. Listen, that's all. The brain quickly learns to work at reduced energy consumption, not to overexert itself. Reading is a process during which a person uses many higher mental functions.

But it is impossible to categorically sweep aside everything: the computer, the Internet, the TV, because sooner or later you will have to face the fact that the “forbidden fruit is sweet”. Dissatisfaction due to prohibitions, incompetence among peers can cause new problems. Parents should be flexible and understand that they are free to prompt and guide the child here, offering, for example, educational computer games.

That is, we are degrading?

Well, not in that sense. But the fact that a computer or TV is tiresome and overexcited nervous system, but at the same time it does not develop it and the brain is a fact.

If we talk about the language, then it really has become simpler. And it’s more and more difficult for children to perceive poetry. In addition, the rhythmic organization plays an important role. If, for example, the child read little poetry in childhood, then the child will not be interested in them, it will be difficult for him to perceive this genre even in middle age.

Therefore, as early as possible, start reading good poetry to your child so that he wakes up pleasure from the sound of words, rhyme, and their understanding. Do it cognitive development... Play games for attention, reaction, memorization, developing spatial thinking, fine and gross motor skills, etc. Develop higher mental functions in the child. This will be the best preparation for reading and help in mastering reading and writing.

A child's development needs to be approached from different angles. You definitely need to read together, as well as draw them to culture: go to theaters, listen to classical music together. It is important to develop a child culturally. If the whole family attends exhibitions, goes to the cinema, circus, and does it not because "it is necessary, it is so accepted", but because it causes a lot of positive emotions, then it will certainly awaken interest in reading. A computer and a TV set should cause anxiety for parents when they take up all the space and time in a child's life, and lead, in general, to a reluctance to develop in the full sense of the word.

Read to children from an early age, selecting books by age, needs, and most importantly interest. Do not live by your own ambitions or imposed ideas about the child, focus on him and most likely in the future reading will not cause difficulties for your child.