“It’s too early for me to give birth, while I’m still young, in eight or ten years…” - today this phrase can be heard from many married women of about thirty.

Why do women deliberately postpone motherhood? Why is the maternal instinct not working? And is there a health risk in such postponing? The priest, psychologist and obstetrician-gynecologist answer.

Childhood stretching

Archpriest Andrei Lorgus, Rector of the Institute of Christian Psychology:

Archpriest Andrew Lorgus

I can answer this question based on my pastoral and consulting experience.

First of all, as an anthropologist, I want to point out that there is no maternal instinct. This is a common literary myth, a play on words. Moreover, there is nothing instinctive in human behavior. A person is born with certain unconditioned reflexes, then conditioned reflexes are developed, but a person does not have any instincts. An instinct is a program “written down” in the genome; a human infant does not have such a program. But what is developed later is family-clan and cultural skills. If there was a maternal instinct, would there be so many abortions?

Experience shows that young women today have a very high value of professional self-realization. Women want to do as much as possible before the time when they are forced to leave their profession, their vocation, career for a long time and devote themselves entirely to the child.

Second, both in society itself and in civilization as a whole, events occur that postpone the moment when a woman becomes psychologically ready to become a mother. Demands on motherhood and on marriage in general are growing. That is, now, in order for a woman to get married, the family and society expects from her that she will be successful (including financially), educated, and attained some kind of social status.

Another civilizational specificity is stretching. We know from Russian history that earlier, at the age of 12-13, girls were given in marriage, and boys were married. With the development of civilization, this period is receding, receding. The further, the later comes the age of majority. 18th birthday is a conditional majority. In America, for example, a person officially becomes an adult at 21.

A schoolchild who received a certificate of maturity at the age of 17-18 is viewed by modern society as a child. Then he goes to college, and the institute is, in fact, the continuation of childhood. And the attitude to a seventeen-year-old person on the part of the family, those around him, and his attitude to himself - as to a child. Naturally, until a girl graduates from college, she does not feel ready to marry and become a mother.

There are also subjective factors why women postpone motherhood. One of them is the subjective negative family experience of living with the parents' family. There is a lot of such experience. modern girls... Namely: alcoholism of parents or one of them and, accordingly, violence; divorce of parents, too bad relationship parents among themselves. It is clear that a girl who grew up in such a family will look at marriage as a source of scandals, personal grief, constant disorder and instability and will not strive for marriage or motherhood.

Another subjective factor is the psychological, personal immaturity of the mother, who was unable to show her daughter her own happiness in motherhood and marriage.

Well, and of course it's worth talking about the girl's personal life, which takes place at school, in the yard, in the company, about the negative experience that can be obtained there.

All this taken together gives the described tendency: often women try to postpone the birth of a child or completely abandon motherhood.

From a rational point of view, a child is very unprofitable.

Ekaterina Burmistrova, family psychologist, host of a series of Internet seminars on family psychology"The child goes out into the world":

We have such a phenomenon, but it is not yet as pronounced as in Europe and America, where the reproductive age has shifted a lot towards growing up. In Spain, the woman who gave birth for the first time at forty is a young mother. The birth of a child by a woman in early age already perceived as a kind of violation of social norms. This is due to an objective situation, for example, with the fact that both spouses need to work to pay off the same mortgage.

An increase in the age of birth of the first child is a demographic given, and not only today: already a generation of grandmothers gave birth late.

These European trends are reaching us. The model of childbirth at a later age has migrated to us with a special perception of life: “Take everything from life”, “Manage to realize yourself”. Moreover, as often happens, we adopt everything in an exaggerated form.

A modern woman is greatly influenced by the opinion that first you need to do everything, build a career, live for yourself, and only then you can already give birth to a child.

But if in other countries, with the existing level of medicine, climate, nutrition, such a postponement of the birth of the first child can be to some extent and justified, then with us it is more difficult. A forty-year-old American woman looks different than a Russian peer, even from the middle-income stratum. And first of all, climatic reasons play a role here.

Very often single women do not give birth, and this is understandable. Women living in a civil marriage do not dare to have a child, and this can also be understood.

But at the same time, women who are in a reliable marriage do not give birth. Sociologists have even coined the term "married family", where the role of a child can be played by one of the spouses, a pet or a hobby.

The circumstances of modern life have also changed the values ​​of the family. In an urban family, children as future workers (as it was before) are not needed. On the contrary, the child is perceived as an investment project in which one needs to invest and invest.

As a rule, this is how people perceive the situation for whom faith occupies, at least, a peripheral place. For them, the birth of a child is not the crown of marriage, the best creation, but, I repeat, an investment project. Before starting to implement it, it is worth very, very thought. After all, people, before, for example, taking out a mortgage, must weigh everything: will they be able to pay for twenty years, will there be enough funds. With a child looking like that, it’s the same.

This kind of thinking is most often possessed by office workers.

Having a baby - leaving the beauty market

The situation with the postponement of the birth of a child is a consequence of capitalism, demographic and family policy. In Russia, a woman, having given birth to a child, immediately drops out of the socially insured layer, the standard of living in the family immediately goes down, and the dependent burden rises. The allowance that is paid for a child is not enough to live on.

The model of a single-career family immediately emerges, where one man works (if any). And this is a special path for which not everyone is ready. Here there is a very large load on one worker.

Another reason: people who take good care of their bodies do not give birth, believing that after giving birth, feeding, a woman can lose her attractive qualities, and therefore leave the beauty market. We do not have the ideal of the beauty of a mature woman. In the West, by the way, there is a line of complete models, while in our country women - girls continue to be the standard.

Some women (far from all) do not dare to have a child, because they are not sure of the man who is nearby. That is, people are together, but not in order to live their whole lives together, until old age. Such marriages are usually temporary. But, by the way, it happens that if a woman wants a child, she decides to have it.

Maternal instinct

The maternal instinct certainly exists, it just can be muted. If a woman does not give birth at the age of 20–25, after 28–30 years the maternal instinct may begin to subside, and after 35 in our climate it can almost disappear. The statement that what more woman years, the more she wants a child, is wrong.

An analogy can be drawn with the Mowgli children who, at the time when their peers were learning to speak, lived outside of human society. Then it was already very difficult to teach them to speak: the time of the sensitive (sensitive) period of learning had passed. So it is with the maternal instinct - if the child is not born on time, the woman begins to look at other women with children with detachment. That is, if at first a woman, looking at mothers with children, realizes that she also really wants a child, and does not allow herself to want (it is not for nothing that the phrase “she could not afford a child” exists), then then she simply stops wanting.

Indeed, if you use only rational considerations, a child is very unprofitable and energy-consuming. And all the ideas that the child gives extraordinary feelings, incredible joy - do not work, because the maternal instinct is turned off.

A woman who postpones the birth of a child or abandons it, most likely, will replace the emptiness with something, some other values ​​will take the place of motherhood. Each - in its own way. Someone will be very careful about themselves, someone - to their apartment, dog, hobby, to their career. That is, the desire to nurture and nurture can go to houseplants and pets.

Perhaps such a woman will go to help volunteers - to hospitals, orphanages. More often this happens in situations where the relationship with her husband did not work out and for this reason she does not dare to have a child, but the need to take care remains.

Late pregnancy by choice

Late first pregnancy is often not as physiological as pregnancy at an earlier age. And parents at forty are much more difficult to recover than at twenty, in many respects. So, psychologists believe that if the marriage is more than three years old, and the spouses have a child, this is a risk factor for marriage. And I have had many cases of counseling families in which a child was born late, and after that problems arose between the spouses.

If a woman deliberately postpones the birth of a child for a long time, her maternal instinct may simply not turn on when he is born.

Another danger of such late postponement is increased anxiety, constant fear for the child. Moreover, such a child is often the only one. People who deliberately postpone the birth of a child sometimes have a difficult pregnancy and difficult first years of a child's life. These children are in a hurry to grow up: the age of the parents and the many hopes and hopes associated with the child are reflected here.

Another point is that the way of life that has developed over the past years, small habits that are already difficult to give up (coffee with a book in the morning, an evening trip to the gym), will make it difficult to accept a child.

It is not necessary that all this will happen to every woman giving birth late to her first child: I know wonderful mothers who gave birth at forty. But, as a rule, they gave birth late, not because they postponed, but because it did not work out or were not married.

But, I repeat, maybe the first late pregnancy can be ideal, including psychologically, as well as the future life with a child. How difficult they are early pregnancies and difficulties with children born early.

Still, we are not talking about particulars, but about a general trend.

How treasures are wasted

Galina Zlobina, obstetrician-gynecologist, doctor of the highest category:

Each girl is given a certain supply of follicles in the ovaries from birth. We can say that this is her treasure for life. And this supply of follicles, which allows the birth of an egg, is different for every woman.

The longer she postpones pregnancy, the birth of a child, the more this supply is depleted. It's one thing if a woman is given three million follicles, she can spend it for a long time, but someone is given two million, someone - one million, and someone in general - a hundred thousand. Depending on this stock, the prospect of each woman to become pregnant and have a baby is different. Someone will be able to give birth to fifteen children in a lifetime, and someone - one or two children.

And if a woman postpones the birth of children for a long time, and she does not have such a large supply of follicles, then, in principle, her chances of becoming a mother are sharply reduced.

A woman who postpones the birth of a child, for example, because of her career, may also postpone marriage. Various sex relationships before marriage - high risk of developing infectious diseases... Their presence increases the risk of missed pregnancies and infertility.

With age, in general, as you know, a person does not become healthier, especially living in modern rhythms, in a modern ecological situation. A "bouquet" of gynecological and other diseases accumulates, including - of cardio-vascular system, nervous system... All of them also complicate the ability to get pregnant and then carry a baby.

It happens that women postpone, explaining the possible risks, that now it is possible to take advantage of new technologies, such as in vitro fertilization. Even without taking into account the spiritual aspects of this procedure, it is very difficult. Not only in a technological sense: this technique places very high demands on a woman's health. Very strong hormonal stimulation of the ovaries is used there, which is fraught with numerous complications not only at the time of the procedure, but also has long-term consequences. This affects the state of blood vessels, the entire hormonal system ...

A woman's uterus is designed to carry and give birth to a child. The further a woman pushes the period of pregnancy, the greater the risk of various diseases uterus, such as fibroids, endometriosis. And when a woman finally decides to get pregnant and give birth, she cannot do this, including because of such diseases. In order to get pregnant, she has to be treated, sometimes including promptly.

All this leads to the fact that through the natural birth canal women at this age practically do not give birth. If a woman succeeds in getting pregnant, carrying a child, then childbirth, as a rule, is through a cesarean section ...

But it is natural childbirth that, as a rule, frees a woman from further postpartum depression. Operative labor, on the other hand, contributes to its occurrence.

And in women who are postponing their pregnancy for the future, postpartum depression is more common. Depression is especially severe in women who become pregnant through.

Of course, we cannot say that this happens to everyone in a row, but the percentage of postpartum depression is higher in primiparous women over 35 years old who have gone through operative childbirth.

In addition, many modern women have a history of abortions. And those that preceded pregnancy can be not only the cause of infertility, but also complicate subsequent childbirth, if, nevertheless, the woman managed to become pregnant and bear the child.

There are such moments as discoordination of labor - incorrect contractions that do not contribute to the opening of the cervix (the receptor and muscular apparatus of the cervix suffers during abortion), which leads to a cesarean section, and can also cause trauma to the birth canal, rupture of the cervix.

Late first pregnancy is usually difficult. A woman often faces the threat of termination of pregnancy, which requires the use of drugs in the first weeks of pregnancy. Moreover, the trend is now such that many drugs have to be prescribed to maintain pregnancy. The long-term consequences of taking these drugs are difficult to calculate, to understand how certain drugs affect the development of the fetus in the early stages of development and how they will affect the child's health in the future.

Prepared by Oksana Golovko

Become a father for a man- means not only to fulfill its biological function. Parenting is a continuation of the family and an indicator of male consistency. Children strengthen relationships and provide incentives for achievement.

But there are situations when the wife categorically refuses to have children now or in the near future. And all the dreams of happy fatherhood are going to hell!

Let's figure out why married woman refuses motherhood and how to resolve the situation.

5 reasons why women don't want children

If a woman is doing well from a biological point of view, then there are psychological reasons behind the refusal to have a child.

1. Uncertainty about the future. Financial problems in the family, unstable social situation. The scale is not important.

A woman who is responsible for the life that she will give to another little person will never agree to this if there is uncertainty in the “stone wall” or fear.

An important nuance: we are not talking about situations when a woman is left alone and chooses: to give birth or not to give birth. These are completely different selection and decision criteria.

We are talking exclusively about the case when a woman refuses, being married and “as it were” in a happy family relationship.

The solution to this problem is entirely up to the couple themselves.

If he, as a man, does not give his woman a sense of security, then he needs to work on his masculinity and then the question is in the inner more than in the material.

If she, as a woman, does not feel comfortable and calm with her man - a reason to think, because she chose him herself.

Firstly, it definitely is, and secondly - it is the woman who gives the man a reason to show masculinity.

2. Negative experience in the life of any of us, a cruise liner slows down like an anchor: pick up speed as much as you like, but all the same it will catch on to something and stop it.

If in the first marriage the husband left a woman with a child, she will have the following anchor: "children = severity = problems."

A separate topic is fears after an interrupted pregnancy or difficult childbirth. These are no longer anchors, but real psychological trauma with acute mental pain and they need to be worked out with a specialist.

3. Lack of trust in marriage. The wife does not want a child, because she is completely, which means she is not sure of him as a man.

This includes fears of crises in the first years of life with a child, helplessness or betrayal.

Does a woman have a real reason to think so? Only when the husband regularly promises and does not do, dreams a lot and little action, or is constantly busy at a time when the wife needs male help.

4. Fear of change... After giving birth, a woman changes not only her body, but her whole life.

You cannot fully prepare for this, even in courses for future parents. Therefore, it always takes time to activate the reserves of adaptation. Some women have more strength for this, others have less - individual.

There are several options here: either to overcome the fears of parenting together, or to settle as a childfree. The only question is whether it will suit both spouses.

5. Career comes first... Very often, a wife does not want children because she simply does not have the time and desire to give up career self-affirmation.

Yes, she can love her job so much, but on the other hand, there is a reason for a man to think about why she is forced to think about work and not about her family, or why she loves work more than her husband.

Returning to the first point: if a man cannot support a family, the woman is not sure about the future and does not want to give birth to a child.

We won't go deep into why the couple had these issues. The fact remains that the wife does not want children.

And here a man needs to remember several important topics that are worth talking about before getting married:

• views on family and parenting -;
• views on the distribution of roles in marriage;
• personal experience and relationships with parents.

Many divorces are explained by the simple "did not agree with the characters", in fact, this is an elementary inability of people to adequately speak and listen to each other before putting on.

And if there is no divorce, children in such families grow up in complete discord, because mom and dad are strangers.

Outside pressure

Many social factors put pressure on a woman. From childhood, they instill the idea that happiness lies in a large family. To some extent, yes, for many it is one of the elements of happiness.

And the fairy tales end with the princess getting married to the prince, they had many children, and everyone was happy. Only in reality the picture is slightly different (read above).

When the girl grows up, everyone around her suddenly becomes “concerned” with only one question: “When will you get married?”, “” And so on.

Rarely does someone ask a woman what she wants, until she tells annoying well-wishers about it.

Yes, we do not live in the Middle Ages and girls have millions of opportunities and choices. Including: the ability to decide whether she wants to have children or not.

The childfree movement, by the way, is very actively gaining momentum also due to the fact that marriage and motherhood are the result of both love, and pressure:

"When you give birth to my grandchildren" - Mom cries.

"I need an heir" - the husband presses.

"It's very difficult to give birth after 30", - friends press.

"Children- these are the flowers of life ", - from each" iron ".

The desire to have a child can often be dictated from the outside. And from the inside, the woman just eats panic fear: from banal everyday problems to uncertainty that she will be able to grow and.

And what if she simply has no desire to change something. Selfishness has not been canceled either.

Retreat routes?

If we consider the possibilities, the man has more chances to move away from the child: career, business, meetings. The final exit is betrayal, divorce or leaving the family for various reasons, objective and not very.

There are many examples when a man abandons a woman in the first year of a child's life. In most cases, a woman is much more attached to a child from the moment of birth.

The heroine of the novel, Elizabeth Gilbert, was right in many ways: “Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your forehead: in order to decide on this, you have to know for sure that you want it.”

If a man's desire to have children is unshakable, he loves his wife and is sure that. roughly speaking, it means it's worth working out the relationship.

There is no need to convince and persuade a woman, she needs to literally show that she is safe, loving, cared for and has nothing to fear. This requires quite a bit of work.

Invest in relationships

First you need to listen and hear your partner. We need to find out the real reason why a woman does not want to have children.

These may be completely unfounded fears. But what if a woman does not want to sacrifice: her comfort, body, time?

It is already more difficult here, because in a harmonious and mature relationship, partners literally negotiate with their irrepressible ego in favor of each other.

This is the moment in which they first think about the other, and then about themselves. And, but simply because the partner, his desires, opinions are never forgotten, especially if the latter coincide.

Invest in relationships equally. If the balance is upset, the family will gradually disintegrate. More big question in the fact that the desire to give birth to a child arises in a harmonious couple by itself.

Children are not only a continuous "mimimi".

Talk about what each of you will conditionally “sacrifice”, if a child appears or does not appear in the family, how your life will change after that, discuss your views with your wife.

With all this information, it will be easier for a woman to trust and decide on a responsible step.

Do not press

If she goes too far, she will simply give up the dream of a happy family life with a bunch of kids. Everyone has the right to self-determination.

The fact that you are together does not mean at all that she should obey without a murmur. Respect for the partner's desires for personal space has not been canceled either.

And let's be honest ...

Men don't give birth. Pregnancy is not only a joyful state, but also frequent urge to go to the toilet at the most inopportune moments, toxicosis, compulsive overeating or a complete lack of appetite. And many, many things.

The male body does not experience hormonal storms and restructuring, he does not need to collect himself piece by piece after childbirth.

But at the same time, the birth of a new life is a real miracle. And the best way to convince your wife to give birth is to overcome together and a new stage in your life.

Ksenia Litvin,
Growth Phase psychologist

Friends, hello everyone! I am 26 years old, girl 22, together for a year and a half, I am going to make an "official" proposal to get married.
The situation is this: we live almost all the time together, only she periodically leaves to visit her mother. In the evening, sometimes we walk in the city, sometimes we spend time at home together, sometimes apart. We hardly quarrel, we are very respected
each other. Well, a good relationship: love, care, but not cloudless, it must be admitted.
I know that becoming a family is a great mutual responsibility, and before making an offer I have to think it over and over again.
This is what confuses. First, my girlfriend doesn't want kids. Rather, he seems to want to, but says about them, "Well, I don't know, if they will, it's good, if they don't, nothing like that."
I have a different opinion. Yes, I know that raising and caring for children is a laborious business, but in this common business I see a great unity of husband and wife, and in a child that makes a husband and wife dearer. Besides that, I
I believe that the meaning of life is work, and we should work constantly (within reason, yes).
We are running out of conversations on this topic. "Stop pressing me, now I can't tell you anything!" or "Tol, where are the children from, what kind of children?" (like where did it take me so far). Similar
all conversations about the meaning of life, the meaning of love, the meaning of labor, etc., end: she gets very tired of them and cannot say anything in essence, they say, "as it will be, so it will be, we are good together, why are you
pester! "At the same time, friends, do not think that she adheres to a consumer outlook on life, no.
What do i do? After all, until she can tell me something concrete, I cannot take any decisive step. Her position in our relationship is such "you cannot demand anything" (well, she, too,
of course). Is it okay, anyway?
Is it simply that she is still too young? Or maybe she doesn't want to depend on me that much? Dear experienced friends, please share your advice and experience. I already want to decide on something.
Somehow I want to tune it in my own way. My persistence only makes us quarrel (I can't demand anything ...). If I do it gradually, gently, then she still feels some kind of permanent pressure.
What to do, friends?
In short, I don't understand her at all. Why does she need me, why does she need a family (this word often sounds in our conversations, and in rather warm tones). You can also say so - we are in love with each other, complete trust, care,
reliability and loyalty, but I still lack some of her trust, as if she is not quite with me (here I should note that we are 100 percent loyal to each other, no "left" correspondence,
etc., I'm serious)
Well, one more nuance that can be important. I earn significantly higher than the average earnings in Moscow, and my girlfriend is not with me because of this (believe me, please.)
I would be grateful for the opinions and advice of both men and women. It is very important for me. Thanks!
Rate:

Anatoly, age: 26 / 26.01.2018

Feedback:

Hello Anatoly. If you love and want to be with a girl and are confident in her, then propose to her. She is neutral towards children, but it’s good that she categorically does not want to. I think first she needs to become a wife, but
then think about children. Try to understand her, because pregnancy and childbirth is a very important step. And you can understand the girl. That she is afraid, because after the birth of a child, life changes dramatically. But strong and loving
the child, on the contrary, will strengthen the family even more. You are a wonderful person, and I am so glad that there are still men like you in this world. Talk to her again, frankly. I don’t understand why your girlfriend behaves like that
I think she is afraid of something, and maybe she is hiding it from you because she is afraid that you will not understand her. Because I repeat the child and family, this is a very responsible step. But I think with such a reliable person as
You shouldn't be a big deal for her in life. I think more that the girl loves you and wants to be with you. But she is afraid. She is afraid of such responsibility. Maybe in her soul she herself is still a child and has not matured. Or maybe
there have been a lot of horror stories on the Internet. After all, they mainly write about the fact that after the birth of a child, life ends and all sorts of nonsense. Maybe she should go to a psychologist and deal with her fears if she
can’t do it on her own? Without reasons, there is nothing. I think her behavior is the reason for something. There are many reasons, fear, self-doubt and self-doubt that she can cope, and so on. You should talk to
her, so that she would completely confide in you and tell you what the problem is. You will always be by her side, and you don’t need anything. I sincerely wish you happiness, and all the best. Your girlfriend is lucky with such
a wonderful person like you. Happiness to you.

Icicle, age: 26 / 29.01.2018

Hello. Naturally, she cannot tell you anything about the future, since she seems to be not a wife, but just a girl. Make a formal proposal, then discuss your views on the family. She may not
guesses that you want to marry her, but just discuss why? She said there will be children - good, but no, no. Quite an adequate position. And you yourself are ready to accept that children really
maybe not? Family infertility is now very common. Children are good, of course, but you are too worried about it. The meaning of the family is not in children, but in unity and love between husband and wife. If YOU want to make your wife
happy and in this you see the meaning of the family, it is wonderful. If you want your WIFE to make you happy, then you should think about whether you are ready for family life.

Person, age: 01/30/2018

You have no right to demand children from her. She is not your wife, firstly, and secondly, not for all girls the goal is to give birth to life and
sit down to degrade in decree. You and her have different goals, find yourself "yazhem". Do not spoil the life of a normal girl, their and
so few.

Usual, age: 02/25/2018

Hello Anatoly! Sympathize with you. A close relationship before marriage destroys love ... Of course, on the main questions - family,
raising children should have the same views ... Falling in love ends, everyday life begins. We are with ex-husband were
in love with each other, the views were different. 9 years of family torment, disputes, in the end he decided to divorce ... We both understand that
we didn't need to get married ...
I don't know your situation, but the impression is that there is no understanding ... acceptance ... these are not very good signs.
They say that when you don't know, it's better not to rush to the wedding, but to end the close relationship. People become one without recognizing
each other without accepting the other's world. This is very important for a happy marriage ...

The wife does not want a child

Difficulty in relationships

The wife does not want a child

Every man knows that marriage is needed only for one single purpose: to give birth to children and grow their heritage from them. And the most important purpose of a woman is to give birth to a healthy child. It doesn't matter how many years you live with your wife, it doesn't matter what kind of relationship you have. Until you have children. Your family life is just cohabitation.

Children strengthen marriage, make them work harder, allow them to spend time together, and improve their personal qualities. But times are changing, and now a lot of girls do not want to give birth to children, because they do not see themselves as a mother. What are the reasons for this:

The wife does not like children

Not all girls love children, you need to understand this. Not every woman wants to spend all day washing diapers and cleaning rooms. And then run to put your child to bed for the fifth time. It is necessary to convince the girl that there is nothing to worry about. That she can always count on your support and help. And even more so, when she gives birth to a child, her maternal instincts will turn on, and she herself will run after the baby.

The wife is not ready to be a parent

Having a child is a great emotional and financial burden on a woman. She may be afraid that she will not be able to handle it. This means that she is not confident in her man, and that he will come to her aid. This does not mean that she does not love you. This means that she believes that you do not earn enough to provide for both her and the child.

Plus she is unsure of your desire to have a baby. Perhaps you wanted to get a dog, promised that you would walk with it. And when it appeared, then you became too busy. So it is with the child. Women are afraid that you will get too busy. You need to dissuade your wife from this. We need to show her that you can provide stability, both financial and spiritual.

The wife is focused on her career

Women have to show great passion for work and cunning in order to achieve the same positions as men. Perhaps the wife has a responsible job or she has frequent business trips. Do not expect her to sacrifice all of this in order to have a baby. There is a career now, and a happy family life only flickers in the distance.

So you need to understand your wife's position. If you press on her too hard, she can send you and your happy family life... If you do not put pressure at all, she herself may decide on a child very long ago. It is better to find out exactly how long it will take for her to have children. If the indicated figure does not suit you, most likely this is not your woman.

She is afraid to give birth

It may sound funny, but men do not give birth to children. They don't spend 9 months eating chocolates and running to the toilet. Men are not emotionally traumatized by miscarriage. And after birth, you have to worry about your baby every day. This is all very scary.

Not all women can take responsibility for their child. We need to convince them that they are already big and adults. And that they will definitely cope. Their mothers are very helpful in this.

Wife is too jealous

It is true that women love to be the center of attention. They love it when men show them signs of attention, when they praise them for their great figure and beautiful underwear. When a woman is pregnant, her only job is to carry a healthy baby, and she gets a lot of attention. But when the baby appears, all attention turns to him. And women really don't like it. So it's worth paying attention to your girlfriend too.

And in order for her to decide to give birth, it is worth paying attention to pregnant girls. And how cute they are. Sooner or later, due to jealousy, she will also want to get pregnant.

The wife does not see herself as a mother

To be honest, no girl sees herself as a mother. It is very difficult to imagine someone waking up in the early morning, washing diapers, changing diapers, heating milk and pouring it into a bottle. Educational films or a book can help with this. As well as the experience of girls with children and stories from parents.

Medical contraindications

Sometimes women have genetic abnormalities that can show up in their children. And the fear of giving birth to a sick child is huge enough. And that's why women don't even want to think about having children.

Sometimes poor health can be the reason why a girl should not have children. Since she can put her life at great risk. A woman cannot be judged for this, since if she decides to become pregnant, then she actually challenges fate itself. Which is already quite difficult.

Doctors should be consulted for medical help and consultation to find out in advance about possible consequences... This is what can give your wife the desire to have a child.

Outcomes

Every woman has her own reasons for not having children. They may be insignificant to you, but very significant to the girl. And this must be respected. In the best way to convince his wife to give birth to a child, to defeat her fear of the unknown with her. And how to do it, it's up to you, men.

Dear Readers! We will be very grateful if you share with us your life experience or comments related to this topic.

This will help:

How to Build Relationships: The Ultimate Guide

A type:Electronic book

Price: Paid version

Imagine that you woke up early in the morning and your woman has already made you breakfast. You can see joy in her eyes, she is happy that she lives with the best man in the world. She is ready to listen to all your stories, she is ready to support you in any situation. She knows that a man needs to relax, she is ready to give you her tenderness and love. This can be your relationship if you are strong. We can teach you this!

Short description

Every relationship sooner or later comes to an impasse when only one option is visible - to leave. And it depends only on the competent actions of a man - whether he can maintain a relationship, or he will have to let go of his woman. The problem for many men is that they do not know how to behave in order for a woman to be happy with them. And in this book we will teach men how to behave so that relationships never go bad.

The situation is no less difficult when a woman has completely lost respect for her man. No understanding, no empathy, no sex or affection. Only some reproaches and claims that she got involved with a loser who is worthless.

Many might think that this is how all women behave. That such behavior cannot be avoided after having been married for 5-10 years, but this is not so! It all depends on the position of the man: how he will put himself in a relationship and how he will behave with a woman.
If a man can show his strength, a woman will begin to respect, appreciate and love him. And this is the main path to a stable and happy relationship. And every man can achieve this, despite his appearance, income level and fitness.

If you want to learn techniques that will help you take a leadership position in a relationship that will restore your wife's respect, you need this book. She will help you!

Understanding why so many girls would like to have a baby. Sometime later.

It seems to be our basic instinct. And the biological clock is ticking. And the holy joy of motherhood is promoted on TV. Why is it that such a huge number of women in the very reproductive phase endlessly postpone the appearance of their first child, preferably as long as possible? (More often than not, we don't even talk about the second and third child.) Why, looking into their souls in search of an answer to the most important female question, they so often hear: “Thank you very much, but perhaps not. At least not now! "

A banal answer to this question would be a sermon about moral decay, a consumer society, selfishness, atheism, and so on and so forth.

In fact, everything that happens is completely logical and, moreover, justified.

Do squirrels have abortions?

More than two thousand years ago, Ovid reproached women who have abortions for being "worse than wild animals." 660 years ago, Boccaccio in "The Raven" poured a tub of slops on the ladies of his day, calling them "the lowest of females" - on the grounds that all other animals tenderly feed their young and only human females poison the fetus in their womb in unnatural ways, "so that in all of Italy you will not find unpeeled juniper (the bark of which they use in this crappy business). "

The opinion that abortion and contraceptives are the most vile invention of mankind is still a banal statement and, as it often happens with platitudes, is incorrect. Animals also effectively control their birth rate. True, they do not know how to do abortions, so a different scheme works for them - they either abandon unwanted offspring or eat them immediately at the moment of birth.

To understand why this happens, you need to carefully consider several principles of the so-called "population dynamics".

There is one curious theory on this score. According to her, all species living on our planet use one of two population strategies: r-strategy and K-strategy. The "R-strategy" is almost unregulated reproduction. As soon as they reach sexual maturity, the females of these species begin to produce offspring almost nonstop without regard to external conditions, the presence of food, heat, space and other resources necessary for the survival of this offspring. Species that practice this strategy include bacteria, most insects, fish, cephalopods, and even some mammals, such as some rodents. The mortality of offspring in such species is enormous, but nevertheless, even it does not save the population from excessive growth, in connection with which the species practicing the r-strategy have to go through the standard procedure: population explosion, collapse, stabilization.

As soon as the concentration of the species becomes excessive, the food supply begins to suffer, infections spread, panic mechanisms are triggered - there are many options for collapse. But they all lead to the total destruction of most of the animals included in this population. Lemmings sweeping in droves into the sea, or locusts lining southern cities with their dying bodies, are the most famous examples of such collapses. After the collapses, there is a period of relatively successful stabilization, when again it is possible to multiply with impunity. Then everything is repeated anew.

Almost all large mammals and most bird species adhere to the "K-strategy". This strategy forces the species to self-control its numbers. different ways... The two most popular are abstinence and killing of offspring.

Abstinence is usually chosen by lonely animals such as tigers, badgers, finches, bears or, say, tundra wolves. Such species are characterized by the presence of their own "hunting grounds" - a territory controlled by one male or married couple... Young animals that have not yet found land for themselves are forced to adhere to celibacy. The method of destroying unwanted offspring is more inherent in gregarious and herd animals. In this case, shortly before giving birth in females, the "population check" mechanism is activated. If the abundance of bodies of congeners around makes her anxious, if she cannot find high-quality food for herself, if she assesses the conditions for raising the cubs as unfavorable - the chances that the mother will not devour the cubs or abandon them to their fate are very low. (This is well known to zoo workers, who are forced to take special safety measures at the time of pregnancy of females with the K-strategy - to transfer them to closed enclosures, to protect them from the attention of visitors, etc.)

It should also be added here that the K-strategy is not a panacea - if for some reason it does not work, then the standard tragedy “explosion-collapse-stabilization” also befalls the view with the K-strategy.

Both the queen and the offspring

Yes, over the past 100 years, humanity (despite two world wars) has quadrupled its population - due to the pharmaceutical, agricultural and food revolutions. Simply put, people are living longer. But where there is a large-scale urbanization and the bulk of the population is moving to large cities, there is an instant stabilization of the growth of the birth rate, followed by its extinction. As a result, practically all of Europe, the USA, Russia and Japan in recent decades have shown only natural population decline.

Of course, all people are different, and not everyone falls under the fertile pressure of megacities. Some time ago, for some reason, the following simple picture was very popular on the Internet. It depicts a city divided into two halves - sunny and shady. Where there is shadow, there are clogged trash cans, skyscrapers, beer cans and cigarette butts on the sidewalks. The building with the sign "Family Planning Center" is grinning predatoryly at the viewer with ominous windows, and in front of it is a girl who just got out of the Ferrari in a short top with the words "Sex". And with a strange expression, this victim of the twilight looks at the sunny part, where there is greenery, where there are churches, wooden houses, where birds are on the fences along the sidewalk, along which a ruddy pullet in a kerchief is walking - with four red-cheeked children. In general, painting from the category "Women, change your mind, let's be shy and give birth!"

But the artist, guided by the best intentions, overdid it. His drawing turned out to be too truthful. Yes, it so happened that a huge part of the population voluntarily surrenders to others its most important biological right - to reproduce and reproduce. Receiving in return T-shirts, cars and such an indisputable joy as free sex. And also the opportunity to spend the day - in a stuffy office, the evening - in the flea market of a nightclub, and the night - in a cage on the 11th floor, surrounded by hundreds of other sleeping bodies. And they also pay taxes in favor of those who serenely fill this world with their chromosomes, sometimes receiving a very decent state aid for this.

For some reason, this is the kind of behavior that is called selfish and selfish - an outrageous injustice! Although, in general, mothers with many children, carefully nurturing their offspring, should say a huge "thank you" to those girls in tank tops who, God forbid, will have one child by the age of forty. It is thanks to them that the kids mothers with many children there is cheap milk, free education and the opportunity not to end up in a trench at the age of 18 in one of the wars that radically solve the problem of overpopulation ...

A liberal society allows those who want to give birth to give birth, and does not interfere with leading a barren and lonely life for those who, having fallen under the yoke of the K-strategy, do not see such a need for children.

In men

By the way, not only women are carriers and executors of the K-strategy. Even 50 years ago, ethologist (this is the name of scientists involved in animal psychology) Konrad Lorenz published an article on the homosexual behavior of male laboratory mice in conditions of overpopulation. Since then, sexual dysfunctions in animals living too crowded have been recorded many times. As well as “paternal cannibalism”, “increasing the aggressiveness of young animals” and other non-standard features.

Homosexuality is, in this respect, one of the variations of the K-strategy. The other, the “preference for immature sexual partners,” is already much less acceptable in human society. Is not it?

It is unlikely that we will welcome attacks of panic insanity, forcing males to kill without purpose and without meaning all the representatives of his species, which he managed to reach. But this is still the same K-strategy ... Although it also has milder methods. For example, a complete lack of interest in sexual practice in general, antisociality and apathy.

Private conclusions

What to do? Every café I've been to is filled with girls who tell each other how passionately they want a baby, and then go to the pharmacy and buy another batch of birth control pills. Or condoms. Because those with whom they now sleep are not yet ready to become full-fledged fathers of offspring. But if you think about it, who is asking a man right now if he is ready or not ?! A girl with an education herself will perfectly feed her children. Does she say she wants to start a family first? So a child is a family, it is not for nothing that most marriages in Russia are still concluded “on the fly,” and relatives are very surprised if they come to a wedding where the bride is not pregnant.

If you delve into the psychology of girls in a cafe well, it turns out that they want for their potential children not so much a reliable father as space. If you live in a big city, in a multi-storey building, use public transport, work in a large company, watch TV and see at least a thousand new human faces in a day, you are almost 100% included in the K-strategy program, even if you are monstrously far from the child-free ideology.

You will look for excuses for yourself. Saying that the next two years are the most important for your career. That, while there is not enough money for a good English school, only a madwoman can decide to give birth. That you need to live a little more for yourself ... But all this really does not matter. For those who want to want a child, you just need to write a list of all these contraindications, carefully flush it down the toilet and send birth control pills there. And then be patient.

The best way to spend your money is to book a private room in a good maternity hospital, where you and your baby will be looked after at all times. Throw a tantrum - they'll give you a pill. If you do not want to feed, they will send an aunt who massages the breasts. A maternity hospital is such an impromptu village that will temporarily turn you off from your usual urban environment. By the way, postpartum depression most often manifests itself when a happy mother with a child finally gets home, and a bunch of friends who have to make tea endlessly arrive, and at the same time the phone starts ringing: “How's the baby? How much does it weigh? How are you? By the way, you don’t remember where our contracts are filed ”?

But this is all temporary. Maximum before childbirth plus 3-4 months (usually everything ends much earlier). As soon as the "stage of choosing reproductive behavior" is passed and the K-strategy gives up on you, an equally ancient and powerful instinct - the instinct of unlimited love for your offspring - will enter into its legal rights.