The internet and the media are filled with pictures of young and beautiful lovers, but what about those older couples who have been in love for over 50 years? Photographer Lauren Fleishman created tender portraits of couples whose love for each other has been fading for half a century and called the touching series of photographs "The Lovers". Initially, the photographer planned to capture 50 couples, but the project gained momentum, and ended up with over a hundred shots.

Eugene and Lyubov Kisin

"We met each other at a dance in January 1938. My friend invited me to a party, saying that there would be many beautiful girls. First, a cadet in high boots approached her, but she refused him. Then I dared and also approached her and she agreed to meet me. I don't know what attracted her more, my face or my uniform."

Yakov and Maria Shapirshtein

"What is the secret of love? The secret is that it is a secret, and I do not reveal my secrets!"

Moses and Tessie Rubinstein

"Every day my wife expresses her love for me. She says, 'Did I tell you how much I love you today?'"

Leon and Harriette Bolotin

"I always knew it would be Harriett."

John and Sherma Campbell

“When your relationship is just starting, you think that it is simply impossible to love each other more, but love grows, just like your inner world. Now I can say that I love him even more. I can’t even imagine my life without him ."

Joseph and Dorothy Bolotin

"I never think of him in terms of how old we are. I think of him in terms of good years lived together. Hot passion does not last forever. I would say that we are still in love. It's attention, and little nice things. He's an amazing person."

Fred and Fran Futterman

"You must remember that you were different times. We met in 1939 and we had no money. Our group always met in our friend Betty's basement, we sat there and enjoyed each other's company."

Eitig and Golda Pollak

"We knew each other before the war, but we never spoke. He was with other girls because he was much older than me. When we returned from the war, he went to my sister's house, and I lived with her. In August of this year we celebrated our 63rd wedding anniversary. I would say that love came gradually. Not immediately. We were young and he was older, but I liked him."

Jake and Mary Jacobs

"Jake said to me, 'Is there any chance for me to marry you?' and I said, “Maybe, but not likely!” He knew that I would hardly ever marry him. So when he returned home to Trinidad, my father and mother breathed a sigh of relief. But he wrote to me: "I think I could go back to England."

Gino and Angie Terranova

"You don't really think about getting old. First of all, you grow old together and when you see a person all the time, you don't notice much change. I don't think I'm married to an old man and I hope he feels the same way."

Jin Ling Chen and Lai Mei Chen

"We met when we lived in China. I was on vacation in another city, and we saw each other for three days. We lived very far from each other and when I returned home, we began to write letters to each other letters. We wrote letters every a week, but they came to us for about twenty days. This went on for five years."

Aldo and Maria de Spagnolis

"When I first saw her, she was 14 and I was 22. Do you have any concerns that she was too young for me? No! Even now I look like a small child! Yes, even now I'm still young."

Now the young are able to provide for themselves financially, while the older generation receives pensions and other types of social assistance. All this contributes to the relative material independence of generations from each other. In this regard, the need for cooperation decreases, and thus family solidarity and mutual dependence are destroyed.

At present, the process of dismemberment of a complex family is progressing, and this leads to the fact that more and more often we meet families consisting of one elderly married couple, but after a certain time, as a result of the death of one of the spouses, the family ceases to exist, a “loner” appears. But before that family life the old people continue, approaching their golden wedding, and they treat each other more touchingly and reverently, there are more signs of attention.

With age, both spouses change: masculine qualities fade, the former attractiveness of the spouse disappears, the opposite of male and female roles becomes less and less noticeable. Spouses acquire mutual language, become relatives not by blood, but by long lived years, by way of life and thought, by views, habits and tastes. Even in the former conflict families strife subsides. Each spouse is able to anticipate alternative behavioral responses of the other and model their own behavior. However, it would be erroneous to think that elderly spouses do not need to adapt to each other. In old age, under the influence of subjective and objective circumstances, quite natural deterioration of vision, hearing, taste sensations, slowing down of reactions, changes in appearance, gait, etc. occur. All this is reflected in the character and manner of behavior. To himself, a person may seem to have changed little, while the partner fixes all these changes and he needs efforts to adapt to new situations.

It also does not mean that the life of elderly spouses always proceeds without conflict. Neither age nor family experience guarantees peace and harmony. For example, Leo Tolstoy left Sofia Andreevna at the age of 82, having lived with her for 48 years.

VD Alperovich (1998) proposed the following typology of relations between elderly spouses: coexistent partners, competing partners, friends in love.

To type coexistence include couples who live together as if out of habit, for a long life they have accumulated so many grievances against each other that under their burden the initial feeling that united these people once was forgotten. Spouses no longer sort things out, because there are no relationships, they are absolutely indifferent to each other. How do these couples come about? Aristophanes, the creator of the myth of the two halves, explained through the mouth of Plato: they were not united by their own halves and did not form a unity. Modern Platos give a different explanation: they could not overcome the barriers of alienation, their aspirations, attitudes, characters turned out to be multidirectional.

The second type - competing partners. These people once, in their young and mature years, were united by some common occupation, perhaps a specialty. Together they made a good tandem, moving up to the heights of their careers. They constantly made sure that any work, including homework, was carried out on an equal footing. In old age, when career motives are a thing of the past, joint successes have lost their value and only boredom from monotony remains, mutual reproaches for choosing an easier task for oneself, for violating the main partnership agreement.

The third type - loving friends. Relationships built on love and friendship, these people managed to carry through their lives. About such an elderly couple, Andre Maurois wrote: “Such spouses are not afraid of boredom ... Why? Because each of them knows so well what exactly may interest the other, because both have such similar tastes that the conversation between them never stops. A walk together is just as precious to them as the hours of love dates were dear to them in their time ... Everyone knows that the other not only understands him, but guesses everything in advance. At the same time, both think about the same things. Each simply suffers physically because of the moral experiences of the other.

As a rule, single old people live in worse economic and living conditions than family ones.

Quite often, loneliness leads to suicidal acts. Both men and women have a rather high suicidal risk in the event of the loss of one of the spouses or another relative. To endure the death of a loved one, to survive it is the most powerful stress factor in life. In general, 25% of suicides are associated with irreversible loss: the death or death of a loved one.

The family becomes the main deterrent to the suicidal behavior of an elderly person. Relations should be built in it on the basis of personal responsibility for the well-being of everyone and everyone, the desire to alleviate the situation of older people.

Characteristically, older people tend to value their own family relationships and the quality of care they receive from their families. However, it must be borne in mind that the very care of loved ones causes natural gratitude in a helpless person, supporting his confidence that he occupies his proper place in the family and enjoys love and respect. There are also cases of family refusal to care for the elderly.

12.4. Relationships between older people and relatives

Statistics show that about half of older people have adult children aged 45-50 years. This significantly affects their relationship. We can talk about the equal interaction of adults, which can result in a better understanding of the elderly by adult children, but while maintaining authoritarianism on the part of parents, it can cause sharp conflicts, often ending in a complete break in relations.

Meanwhile, with aging, the role of the family in the life of an elderly person increases: the cessation of work upon reaching retirement age, the deterioration of health that often occurs during this period and the increasing decline in mobility limit the interests and activities of older people, all their attention is switched to family affairs. Family contacts replace other lost contacts.

E. Vovk (2005) writes that it is customary for us to grow old in the family, in the circle of relatives. A common image of a prosperous old age: grandmother and / or grandfather nurse their grandchildren. However, there is also a contradiction in the views on intra-family interaction between older people and their descendants. One stereotype: old people need the company of their children and grandchildren much more than children and grandchildren need the company of their elderly parents and grandparents. Another stereotype is that children and grandchildren are a burden for older people, without whose help and participation young people have a hard time.

The data testify, writes E. Vovk, that it is wrong both to limit the vital interests of the elderly exclusively to the family circle, and the idea of ​​mutual alienation of generations. There is no need to talk about an interaction as dense as in an extended family, but it is hardly possible to talk about the complete nuclearization of the family.

Cohabitation of the elderly with their families has both positive and negative sides.

An essential moment in the life of older people is the loss of a leading role in the family: when solving important issues, their opinion is considered less and less. This is especially difficult for the head of the family (an elderly father or grandfather: after all, from time immemorial, the head of the family has always been an older man, whose word was law for family members). And the weakening of health, which increases over the years, physical decrepitude generally makes an elderly person dependent on other family members, since he needs their help and care. Being in the family, the elderly and old people can hope for security and independence from the difficulties they have to face. Therefore, it is not uncommon for elderly parents who are unable to support themselves to reunite with their children. More often, parental care and reunification is carried out by the daughter (Brody et al., 1987; Gatz et al., 1990; Spitze and Logan, 1990). The same applies to daughters-in-law (Globerman, 1996).

In addition, doing housework, helping the rest of the family with housekeeping and childcare, old man gains a sense of confidence in his usefulness, which helps him to some extent adapt to the period of old age. The full participation of an older person in family life can serve the best remedy from "retirement disease". After all, the family can not only provide pensioners with direct and indirect economic support and provide various kinds of social and domestic services, providing the necessary level of consumption and comfort, conditions for leisure and recreation, but also the possibility of targeted, meaningful and useful activities, intense and, most importantly, intimate interpersonal communication. Of particular importance for the elderly are the love, respect and caring attitude of children and grandchildren, the recognition of parental authority by children, and the high appreciation made for them by their father or mother. By participating in family decision-making, the elderly maintain their prestige, and by discussing their extra-family activities with younger family members, they find application for their experience, including professional experience. In the family, the pensioner, in addition to his own, uses her social contacts, which allows him to lead a more active lifestyle. Thus, the importance of the family as the closest social environment, the immediate microenvironment, is not only completely preserved, but also sharply increases with the abandonment of work (V. D. Shapiro, 1980).

However, household chores for older people living with the families of their sons or daughters create problems for them, as they cannot manage their time as they would like to. Yes, and physical activity with constant communication with grandchildren for many elderly grandparents is far from optimal. As a result of this, a “deserved rest” is often not obtained.

The real intra-family situation that pensioners face after leaving work is not perceived by all of them as favorable. Hence the discrepancy between the actual family functions of older people and their predisposition to this kind of activity. This can cause them dissatisfaction with their new position in the family and a source of tension with their children.

Value orientations testify not only to the readiness of older people to do something for the family, to sacrifice their interests for the benefit of children, but also to the desire to receive moral support from them, or at least simple human gratitude.<…>The joy of constant communication with children often forces one to make a certain compromise, limiting the satisfaction of other needs and taking on additional responsibilities around the house. But often, removing the load from children around the house, older people sacrifice their health, rest, communication and other values ​​​​that are important to them. At the same time, some older people face misunderstanding on the part of younger relatives, who believe that the family should be almost the only object of interest for an older person, and take his contribution for granted.

L. B. Schneider, 2000.

But leaving the house of grown-up children is also ambiguously perceived by elderly parents. The separation of the only or last child from the parental home causes grief, sadness, and they feel unhappy in parents (Harris et al., 1986; Rubin, 1980). At first, the “abandoned nest” syndrome occurs: parents begin to feel emptiness and loneliness. At the same time, they have the freedom to manage their time, expand the possibilities of their personal lives, the satisfaction of their interests (Alpert, Richardson, 1980; Cooper, Guttman, 1987).

The resignation of parental responsibilities in connection with the maturation of children leads older parents to greater satisfaction with their marriage, however, in the first period after the departure of children from parental shelter, difficulties may arise in adapting older spouses to each other in new living conditions. They look forward to grandchildren, as they want to return to the parental position. They feel obligated to help their children and look after young grandchildren, although they have some doubts about whether they interfere too often in their lives (Blieszner and Manchini, 1987; Greenberg and Becker, 1988; Hagestad, 1987).

The conducted researches of sociologists have shown that in our country the majority of elderly people (56%) live with their children, and 45% of such families have grandchildren, 59% of pensioners have a spouse. Singles make up 13%.

Only 46% of lonely old people maintain close contacts with relatives, for 39% communication is reduced to rare telephone conversations.

AT last years there is an increasing tendency for adult children to move away from their parents, sometimes only physically, but more often out of an emotional need to be themselves and have time and opportunity to deal with their own problems and relationships. Life in the I has become more important than life in the We. This leads to the breakup of the family. Whereas earlier the young, helping the elderly in much closer contact, were inwardly involved not only in their weaknesses and illnesses, but also in the richness of their experience and the strength of their feelings, now generations live much more distant and isolated. Social alienation was also added to the bodily and spiritual alienation (I. Kemper, 1996).

Cohabitation

Respondents' answers to the question of which sides - positive or negative - are more in a situation where older people live with their children and grandchildren were divided almost equally (although our fellow citizens still chose the second option a little more often). When it comes to the interests of older people, 40% of respondents see more bad things for them in their life together with children and grandchildren, and 36% of respondents see more good things. When it comes to children and grandchildren, 43% see more bad things about living together with elderly relatives, and 34% see more good things. As you can see, according to the respondents, both old people and young people gain and lose from living under the same roof to about the same extent.

In general, older and younger people show fairly similar perceptions of the auspiciousness and unfavorability of cohabitation.

But in cases where grandparents and grandchildren talk about living together not hypothetically, but based on personal experience, their assessment changes and the views of generations on the situation diverge. Grandchildren who live with their grandparents rate benefits for the elderly twice as high as the respondents in the sample as a whole, and noticeably higher than the grandparents themselves. Grandparents, in turn, value the benefits that they receive from living together higher than grandchildren.

In other words, in a situation of living together, each of the parties begins to believe that the other receives the main benefits and that he personally gives more than he receives - fertile ground for conflicts.

The arguments of the elderly about the shortcomings of living together in some cases are somewhat declarative, and, finding themselves in such a situation, some of them tend to reconsider their point of view. It is also obvious that living together is more comfortable for the elderly than for the young: the latter, in this case, as a rule, do not find anything good for themselves and retain their former point of view on the advantages and disadvantages of such a life model.

The assumption that living together is more beneficial for the elderly is supported by other data. When asked directly about this, 33% of grandparents expressed a desire to live under the same roof with their grandchildren, while among grandchildren only 18% of respondents noted such a desire (57% of grandparents and 65% of grandchildren would prefer to live separately). In addition, grandparents, living together with their grandchildren, more often than the latter are in favor of maintaining this state of affairs.

The main argument in favor of living together is the physical, psychological and existential lack of self-sufficiency of the elderly, their dependence on younger family members. This follows from the respondents' answers to an open question, what they see as positive sides cohabitation for the elderly; respondents referred to the need of old people for care (12%), for attention and communication, which would relieve them of the feeling of loneliness (11%), bring joy into their lives and give it meaning (5%).

But along with the recognition of the importance of living together with the elderly, there is also a rather pronounced tendency towards autonomization. Both old people and young people do not often demonstrate a desire to live under the same roof - both of them talk quite a lot about the disadvantages of living together for both parties, and among those living together, both old people and grandchildren would like to leave in almost half of the cases.

The noted desire to live separately should not be taken as the result of the complexities of intergenerational interaction. Three-quarters of respondents who have grandchildren say it's easy for them to get along, and less than one-fifth say it's hard to do so. The problem, rather, lies elsewhere - in the unwillingness of the difficulties that inevitably arise when people of different habits, attitudes and lifestyles converge in one small apartment and in one family. Those who believe that cohabitation with children and grandchildren brings more bad things to the elderly (remember, 40% of them in the sample) spoke about the discrepancy between the interests and views of “fathers and children” (8%), about the difference in lifestyle (8 %).

Many pointed out that when living together, each generation seeks to impose its own rules on the other (5%), and as a result, quarrels and conflicts arise from scratch (6%).

Some of the survey participants emphasized that cohabitation brings the elderly extra worries and troubles (4%).

Cohabitation really creates the ground for conflicts: each of the parties begins to believe that they give a lot, but receive little. In this context, the desire for autonomization is the desire to minimize intra-family conflicts by limiting contacts and points of contact. This setting for the most conflict-free communication between old people and young people, with an unwillingness to “get used to” each other and sacrifice their comfort for the sake of living together, deserves special attention.

It is also significant that living together and close contact between generations is needed by the old a little more than the young, and the young - a little less than their "ancestors". From this it follows, by the way, that by no means always (and not even in most cases) in old age is the meaning of life seen solely in children and grandchildren. According to many respondents, older people are completely self-sufficient people with their own way of life, interests, values ​​and plans.

E. Vovk, 2005.

Most older people have complex, varied relationships with their families. AT modern society responsibility for the elderly becomes formal, ritual and depersonal. Considering modern family in our society, M. D. Alexandrova (1974) indicates that the elderly - the fathers of the family do not play the same role and the younger generation does not need the support of the elderly. Meanwhile, the ideal of the existence of the elderly is close social ties with a sufficiently high level of independence, that is, a rational combination of family care and personal autonomy. Therefore, for many grandparents, strong friendships, turning into love and close affection, are formed with their grandchildren. Many grandparents, in the event of a divorce or other problems, become “surrogate parents” for their grandchildren, assuming full responsibility for their upbringing. However, according to 59% of young spouses, the degree of participation of their parents (grandparents) should be regulated, i.e. parents should help only at the request of the spouses; and 14.5% of respondents believe that assistance is possible only in extreme cases or that it should not be available at all (O. B. Berezina, 2010). Samara gerontologists revealed interesting fact: the health status of older people living separately and independently, but nearby (in the same locality) from relatives, better than those of pensioners living in the families of their children. Therefore, according to gerontologists, older people should take care of themselves for as long as possible and live separately. However, in the end, there comes a period when the old person is not able to satisfy his needs - physical and mental decrepitude makes him completely dependent on others. Studies show that 80% of people aged 75 years and older cannot do without outside help (V. Sokolov, 2002).

It has been suggested that there are four important but often mostly symbolic roles played by parents of parents (Bengson, 1985).

Presence. Sometimes grandparents say that the most important thing for grandchildren is their mere presence. It acts as a sedative when there is a threat of family breakdown or external catastrophe. Grandparents are a symbol of stability for both grandchildren and their parents. In some cases, they can even serve as a deterrent to the breakup of a family.

Family National Guard. Some grandparents report that their main function is to be there for their grandchildren in times of crisis. At such a time, they often go far beyond mere presence and move on to the active leadership of their grandchildren.

Arbitration. Some grandparents see their role as negotiating and reconciling family values, maintaining family integrity, and helping to maintain intergenerational bonds during times of conflict. Although different generations often have different values, some grandparents find it easier to resolve conflicts between their adult children and grandchildren because they have more experience. In addition, they can look at the conflict from the outside.

Preservation of family history. Grandparents are able to create a sense of family continuity and unity by passing on family heritage and traditions to their grandchildren.

G. Kraig, D. Bockum, 2004, p. 700.

Relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law. Life experience shows that in an extended family, that is, when the newlyweds live with the parents of one of the spouses, the relationship between the son-in-law and the mother-in-law, but the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law, becomes especially difficult. Here is one of the typical monologues on this subject: Zoya, 26 years old, an economist by education: “My mother-in-law constantly interferes in my relationship with my husband. In her opinion, I do everything “wrong”! I don’t cook well, I don’t know how to manage the household, I pay little attention to my husband. Recently, she said that she wants me and my daughter to leave her apartment ... We moved in with my parents, and my husband stayed with his mother. When I got married, I thought that I would be behind my husband like behind a stone wall, but he didn’t even protect me! My husband betrayed me and his child! Now I am at a loss ... I feel terribly lonely ... All my feelings for my husband are mixed up ... I don’t know how we can live on ... "

These conflicts in many cases destroy the family. In Italy, for example, one third of all divorces occur for this reason. The study of this issue by T. V. Andreeva and L. N. Savina (2000) showed that slightly more than half of daughters-in-law perceive their mother-in-law as a stranger; 83% of daughters-in-law consider their mother-in-law to be authoritarian; 70% are unresponsive and expect more self-sacrifice from her. Daughters-in-law would like to see the mother-in-law compliant, meek, accommodating, sincere, disinterested. It is possible that the expectation of a great expression of these qualities leads to their not quite adequate assessment by the mother-in-law.

"I am twenty years old. I will probably get married soon, - Natasha S. from Astrakhan writes to the Peasant Woman magazine. - Using the experience of my mother's three daughters-in-law, I decided to create rules for the future daughter-in-law.

1. I will treat my mother-in-law with respect, I will always remain attentive and kind, even if I know that she did not want to take me as a daughter-in-law. It is not her fault that her son did not fall in love with the one she dreamed of.

2. I will not speak badly about my mother-in-law to people, especially to my husband, so as not to hurt his heart, knowing that his mother is also dear to him, like my mother is to me.

3. I will sincerely rejoice if she teaches me something that I do not know yet.

4. I will not boast of superiority in education. I will try to give in to her in the name of family happiness and tranquility, given her middle age and state of health.

5. I will never demand financial assistance and I will not stint on gratitude if the mother-in-law helps in any way she can.

6. I will never reproach my mother-in-law if my mother “gave more”, “did better”. I myself will give gifts to my mother-in-law and my mother equally.

7. I will trust the mother-in-law of my children, as myself, as my mother.

8. If relations between my husband and I become aggravated, I will not blame his mother for this. I won’t run away to my father’s house, to my mother, but I’ll go to my mother-in-law for advice. She will appreciate it and will try to guide her son if need be.”

V. T. Lisovsky, 1986, p. 166.

The husband considers his mother more dependent and altruistic than his wife. In general, this is not surprising: the positions of husband and wife are different. The son evaluates his mother in relation to himself, and the daughter-in-law - in relation to her own children, and this attitude does not always suit her.

The reasons for unfavorable relationships are: dissatisfaction of the mother-in-law with the choice of her son, different family ways and outlooks on life, too much love of the mother for her son and her interference in the affairs of the spouses, personal qualities of the mother-in-law (despotism, importunity) and daughter-in-law (touchiness, negativism), lack of necessary assistance and relationship with grandchildren.

A son can also make his “contribution”, in a fit of love for his wife, breaking the relationship that had previously developed between him and his mother. Infringed on her rights to be a mistress in her own house, suddenly deprived of the manifestation of warmth on the part of the son to whom she gave her life, the mother sees the cause of all these changes not in her son, but in her daughter-in-law. Hence the enmity towards her.

In the event of a conflict between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law, the husband-son finds himself in the most difficult position (as if between two millstones). His most optimal position is to play the role of a “peacemaker”, a “buffer”, when a man, without withdrawing from the relationship, does not take sides, listening to the reproaches and claims of each and not conveying the opinion of one of the parties to the other.

In this situation, the daughter-in-law needs to be patient. Perhaps in a few years, when the reproductive functions of the mother-in-law gradually begin to “fall asleep”, it will change hormonal background, jealousy for the daughter-in-law because of the son will disappear, peace will come and the mother-in-law will help to raise her grandchildren. However, it is best for young people to live separately from their parents.

Question. The emergence of political parties and their modern typology

Question. Typology of political systems and contemporary political regimes

Elections and elections. law: concept, principles, typology, absenteeism.

CHAPTER 4. DIAGNOSTICS OF FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS IN A CRISIS SITUATION

A couple of days ago, the Internet was stirred up by a touching photo session, the heroes of which were an elderly couple from Russia. Many federal media drew attention to the pictures, including Snob and the popular English-language publication Bored Panda.

A Russian photographer captured an incredibly beautiful elderly couple to show that love is timeless. Looking into the happy eyes of this family, the heart of every person in love wants to follow their example and carry their love through the years, as long as possible, - portal users note.

The main ideological inspirer of the project, which gained fame all over the world, was the Nizhny Novgorod photographer Irina Nedyalkova. For seven years of work, she tried herself in different directions. She soon realized that what she likes the most is doing family shoots and love-story. In this field, Irina began to enjoy success and she immediately began to receive numerous orders and offers to organize master classes. And then it all started...

Idea

“I can say with confidence that the so-called wish map, the principle of visualization, works in my life,” says Irina. “Recently, I saw a touching clip by Angelika Varum about an elderly mother and her daughter, who are wandering along the seashore. I decided that my location would also be the sea. Just after that, I went to a photo festival in St. Petersburg, where I was supposed to give two lectures. On one of them we went to shoot on the shore of the Gulf of Finland. I thought, this is just the case when I can realize my idea.”

Search for "love"

“When I told the organizers of the festival about my plans, we began to look for an elderly couple. At first, everyone tried to negotiate with their grandparents, they asked acquaintances. But no one suitable was found. Then we turned to a modeling agency, where we were offered to work with Sergey Arktika and Valentina Yasen. The guys were late for the shoot. At this time, we arranged the equipment, set up the light. And I noticed my colleague walking along the shore. I took a couple of pictures with him and it was the beginning of a romantic story: the young hero, so far alone, wanders along the shore. In social networks, I am often asked if the real couple is Sergey and Valentina. But I openly admit that these are commercial models. They didn't even know each other before filming. Sergey is 45 years old and in life he looks like in the frame. Valentina is 63. And her image was created right on the set. The whole team was delighted with the work. Believing in their love, many even shed a tear. And Sergey and Valentina even left together after filming.”

"Hero Lovers"

Valentina Yasen and Sergey Arktika are models for the Oldushka agency. Something familiar, right? Yes, this is the same agency that has made a small revolution in the world of Russian fashion. "Oldushka" is the first agency in Russia for age models. The first loud statement about himself was the news that the main face of the Russian underwear brand was the 61-year-old model of this agency, Tatyana Neklyudova. The main idea of ​​this project is to rethink the topic of aging and expand the traditional ideas about old age in order to help form a healthy attitude of society towards it and older people towards themselves.

As for the actors-lovers who played so convincingly, not much is known about them.

Valentina Yasen, as mentioned earlier, is 63 years old. She was born in Chernigov, Ukraine. Previously, the model was a professional actress - for many years she played at the Youth Theater, at the Vladimir Malyshchitsky Theater and at the Theater-Studio 87. Over time, Valentina stopped going on stage, but Igor Gavar saw her photos in Mooncake magazine and offered to try himself as a model.

“For me, his answer to the question of why he created this agency was very important: “So that people are not afraid to grow old.” This position is close to me - I believe that older women should calmly and joyfully accept themselves as they are, be grateful to life for everything that happens in it. I like my current age and everything is interesting to me: both the new powder for hair volume and the unfamiliar one so far tone cream“,” says Valentina.

Sergey Arktika, unlike many models of the agency, believes that he looks even too old for his 45 years. But he has long come to terms with this, because he began to turn gray at thirty. In the late 1970s and early 1980s, he lived in Denmark, where his father worked as the director of the sales office of the Volga Automobile Plant and was engaged in the sale of Lada cars in Russia. Sergey recently found a Danish bicycle in the garage, bought by his parents back in those years, repaired it and now rides it to work.

“Inwardly, I feel twenty-seven to thirty years old. Igor Gavar saw my photos on social networks and offered to start cooperation with his agency, although, of course, the main part of his models in Moscow and St. Petersburg is older than me. The first shooting for a person without modeling experience is a wild stress. Then, when you begin to understand the rules of the game, you realize how much work it is, what serious preparation is behind each photo session, ”Sergey shares.

Sergey is an intellectual property protection specialist by his main profession. Married and has adult daughter who is in her first year at the medical academy.

Irina Nedyalkova:

- After the photo shoot, the agency staff and the models themselves approached me with words of gratitude. No one even thought of such a success. In three days, the number of my subscribers in social networks increased by 13 thousand. People did not skimp on laudatory epithets. I honestly answered their questions that my characters are not a couple and in the frame they are a game, but this did not bother anyone. Of course, there were also negative, vulgar reviews. People ridiculed the make-up, the clothes of the heroes. And the Europeans admired and believed that there are feelings between the characters. For their countries, an elderly couple walking hand in hand and looking at each other with loving eyes is a common life story. Foreign publications also write about the project. I have to hire an interpreter to answer questions from foreign journalists. Now the number of orders has increased. Many write that they would like the same photography.

When I'm eighty-five
When I start to lose slippers,
Soften bread slices in broth
Knit unnecessarily long scarves,
Walk holding on to walls and cabinets
And look at the sky for a long, long time,
When everything is feminine
What is given to me now
Will be wasted and it will not matter -
Sleep, wake up, or not wake up.
From what I've seen in my lifetime
I will carefully extract your image,
And slightly noticeable lips smile.

I'll look for your slippers around the house,
Grumble that it's hard for me to bend
Wear some ridiculous scarves
Of those that you knitted for me.
And in the morning, waking up before dawn,
I listen to your breath
Suddenly I smile and hug quietly.
When I'm eighty-five
I will blow the dust off you
Correct your gray hairs
And, holding hands, walk around the square.
And we're not afraid to die
When we're eighty-five...

There are, ma'am, three kinds of elderly couples. Let's start with

the worst - from the four spouses, tired of each other. Forty years of marriage

life did not bring them closer. They had little in common when they got married

now they literally have nothing to talk about. It is not difficult to recognize such spouses,

seeing how they sit silently at a table in a restaurant and never even

smile at each other. Each ignores the other, it's good if between

there is no open hostility between them. Why are they together? Out of habit, out of respect for

the rules of decency, out of some family conformity, out of the impossibility

find separate apartments, out of inability to live independently. It's pathetic

married couples.

The second version is somewhat better. It is made up of husbands and wives,

who do not feed (or no longer feed) to each other true love, but

remain true friends. Long years of peaceful coexistence convinced

each of them, that although the partner is neither gentle nor charming,

he has other important qualities. You can rely on him, he

complaisant character, all these years he forgave other people's sins and knew how to do so,

to forgive his own. Pairs of this kind are sometimes combined

jointly achieved successes, love for children and grandchildren. Presence of a loved one

saves such spouses from loneliness, strong bonds bind them with

the surrounding world.

The third admirable variety is the happy elderly

spouses. The most difficult thing in marriage is to be able to move from love to friendship, not

while sacrificing love. There is nothing impossible here. The burning flame of desire

sometimes does not fade away for a long time, but the spouses, for real loving friend friend,

"this wonderful silk fabric with luxurious color patterns is lined with another,

simpler, but such a pure and rare tone that you want

prefer the wrong side to the front side. "In such a marriage, mutual

trust, all the more complete because it is based on a thorough knowledge of the satellite

life and such a strong attachment that it allows you to guess in advance

all the spiritual movements of the beloved being.

Such spouses are not afraid of boredom. The husband prefers the company of his wife

society younger and beautiful woman; and it's both. Why? That's why

that each of them knows so well what exactly may be of interest

the other, because both tastes are so similar that the conversation between them

never freezes. A walk together is now as dear to them as it was to their own.

time they were dear to the hours of love meetings, these preludes to their wedding

march. Everyone knows that the other will not only understand him, but in advance about everything

guess. At the same time, both think about the same things. Each

simply suffers physically because of the moral experiences of another.

What a miracle to meet a man (or woman) who never once in his life

disappointed and did not deceive you!

When an elderly couple overcomes without suffering

wrecks, sea, foam demo

noon, she enters a quiet harbor where blissful peace reigns.

There is nothing more wonderful than the serenity of these marriage unions. And just the thought of

death darkens the harmony of love. In passionate affection for each other

has a lofty meaning, but it is fraught with danger, for when it comes to

the life of a being dear to us, everything is at stake. But man is so

fragile! But even death is powerless before great love. Sweet

hours of sorrow and loneliness are filled with consolation, when nothing stands in memory

no blurred memories. Moreover, the elderly married couples, which

lived their lives happily, live for a long time in the memory of those who knew them, loved them

and admired them.

You might say: "My God, why are you talking about the elderly

married couples to me, a young woman?" Then it's not a sin to prepare yourself for

the future, even if it is very distant. And also because it's Sunday

was so sad. Light Parisian fog, transparent, bluish and

unsteady, enveloped under our windows the trees of the Bois de Boulogne, already dressed in

covers of autumn wilt. Farewell.

Orphan Basao got married when she was only six years old. She became one of the girls who, according to local tradition, were specially left in order to continue to marry the son who continued the family. And today, when Wei is 103 years old, and her husband is 102 years old, they have been together for 96 years.

After the parents of the six-year-old Basao died, she moved into the house of Kishou Wei and took his last name. Since then, Basao and Kishou were considered married, which is true, until the moment when they really begin to live as a wife and husband, time should have passed.

The local press wrote about the relationship and love story of Basao and Kishou Wei, who live a simple farm life in the small town of Suqiao in Guangxi Province and still support and cherish each other. Pictures of an elderly couple holding hands, folding clothes together and cooking in the kitchen touched the hearts of readers.

Basao recalls the day she officially married Kishou: "We just got together, all his family, all the old people, and after that we were already considered husband and wife." The new Basao family lived in poverty, and survived only by farming. As the woman recalls, they then slept on the bare floor without any mattress or blanket. But despite the constant lack of money, new family treated the girl well, not as someone else's orphan, which she, in fact, was, but as a member of the family.

When Basao and Kishou grew up, they also began to work. Kishou worked in the fields, grew vegetables, and Basao made shoes for sale with her own hands. They never had money for good house, not to mention the acquisition of any transport, but the Wei couple believe that they had good life. Basao and Kishou had five sons and one daughter, and their children still visit their parents as often as they can. Locals say that the Wei couple are a very happy couple. Every time they go out for a walk together, they hold hands, they always have something to talk about, and love clearly shines in their eyes.