During pregnancy, the closer the time to childbirth, the more pressing the question arises of whether to go to the maternity hospital to meet the baby at splendid isolation, or take a partner with you as support in such a difficult test.

This practice of childbirth with someone accompanying the woman in labor is called partner birth. And this is far from a newfangled trend, but an old one, well forgotten and partially transformed to suit new trends.

Our ancestors also gave birth with older female relatives, who helped and supported; in addition, husbands were often present at childbirth, including among royalty. Why is partner childbirth so attractive to women today, when modern maternity hospitals can already provide them with comfort and convenience?

Pregnancy and woman's psychology

From the very beginning of pregnancy, a woman changes not only externally, but also internally, her body is rebuilt to take care of itself and the unborn baby, and her emotional state changes dramatically. She needs the attention and care of others, the support of loved ones - this period is not easy for her, and the upcoming birth is scary, especially if this is the first baby, there is no experience of being in a maternity hospital and no knowledge of what and how is happening within its walls.

Naturally, the doctors and staff of the maternity hospital will do everything to make the woman’s presence and the birth of the baby as joyful and comfortable an event as possible (as far as possible), but they are still strangers to the expectant mother, unlike her husband, close relatives or friends. In this regard, partner births are becoming increasingly popular today, when during the most crucial period of a woman’s life there are not only doctors next to her, but also the person to whom she will entrust the joy of sharing with her the sacrament of giving birth to a son or daughter.

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Even if the partner does not provide any physical assistance during childbirth, the presence of a loved one nearby is powerful psychological support, which is most urgently needed expectant mother.

But in approaching the issue of partner childbirth, one must proceed not only from the interests of the woman herself, but also those who will be next to her; not everyone is ready to accompany her within the walls of the maternity hospital, especially when it comes to men, future fathers. Is the practice of partner childbirth useful, will it help improve a couple’s relationship, and will it affect their future relationship with their children?

Who can become a birth partner?

Today, you can take as your birth partner any person who is considered close to the woman and whom she would be glad to see. And this could be a spouse, a mother, a mother-in-law or a friend, a sister, or a special person - a psychologist or doula. Usually the latter are private practitioners with professional knowledge in the field of psychology, physiology of childbirth and the characteristics of pregnant women, who can provide help and support at the most crucial moment. But, unlike relatives, they charge payment for accompanying a pregnant woman throughout the pregnancy and birth of the baby as for services rendered, which is why such practices are not yet very widespread in our country.

Decision on partner birth

Just like that, without informing anyone in advance, you cannot come to the maternity hospital with a crowd of relatives who will be present with you at the birth, and they will not let the whole family into the delivery room. A birth partner is usually one person who accompanies a woman during childbirth. Therefore, it is important to discuss in advance with the doctor leading the pregnancy the advisability of such a birth, and then discuss it with the family - not everyone is ready to go with expectant mother to the maternity hospital, especially husbands, and they can also be understood.

Maternity hospital is medical institution, where unexamined people are unacceptable as a potential source of infection, and the birth partner must have all the latest examination data (the list of tests will be issued by the maternity hospital when concluding the contract), appropriate clothing and preparation. Otherwise, the accompanying person will be left to wait in the reception area.

For partner childbirth there are a number of conditions that must be met:

• The expectant mother herself must want this type of birth and express her consent in writing, and a similar desire must also be expressed by the partner - be it the child’s father or another close person.
• Joint preparation for childbirth in courses with maternity hospital or pregnancy clinic.
• The consent of the doctors who will manage the pregnancy has been obtained, and a contract for partner childbirth has been concluded.
• All actions of the birth participants must be coordinated and expedient, but if the future dad begins to faint or panic at the most crucial moment, this will not be the most wonderful scenario.

Also it is worth discussing the availability of an individual delivery room, since other women in labor will not be happy with the presence of someone else’s husband or mother, individual wards, and such services may be paid, which also needs to be taken into account.

It is important that the decision is conscious for everyone, and the expectant mother should not show selfishness by forcing a man who is not ready for such a thing to go into labor. Even brutal and strong men may not be able to psychologically withstand such a spectacle; in their heads, childbirth is imagined somewhat differently than it actually is. Psychologists say that if this is not a thoughtful and independent decision of a man, in the future it can affect the intimate life of the couple and internal relationships in the family. Therefore, it is important to respect your partner’s opinion and not be persistent when he refuses. And yet, even if there is such a desire, the mother needs to be sure that she herself wants to see a man in such a situation, during childbirth she will look far from chic, this is not a walk, but a difficult, serious process, painful and lengthy.

What are the requirements for birth partners?

Psychologists and doctors say that only a person who is physically and emotionally ready for such a practice can act as a partner in childbirth. He must be absolutely calm and confident in himself and his actions, fully aware of the birth process from start to finish, and can really provide support to the mother, which is achieved by special preparation before childbirth.

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The partner, especially if he is a man, must control himself and not conflict with the staff, imposing his opinion just because he read or heard so. He must fully support the opinion of the woman giving birth and evaluate her condition, acting only in accordance with her interests.

By the way, it is important to be prepared for the negative reaction of the mother in labor, to take her emotions and irritation caused by labor stress for granted, and to treat the words spoken in an impulse calmly. For a woman, childbirth is a difficult process that can provoke not only positive, but also negative emotions due to fatigue, pain and stress.

Childbirth with a husband: pros and cons

Many supporters of partner childbirth cite the example of the experience of their ancestors, when in ancient caves brutal men in animal skins delivered birth to their women. In addition, Western experience is cited, where women give birth surrounded by almost all family members.

And opponents appeal to them, citing the example of Soviet maternity hospitals, into which men were prohibited from entering, due to which their psyche remained untouched by the sacrament of the birth act. And they also claim that every fifth American man who has experienced partner childbirth goes to a psychoanalyst, talking about the trauma suffered during the birth of his wife.

There are opinions for and against, both among ordinary people and professionals - doctors and psychologists, and everyone gives their own arguments. Therefore, the truth is somewhere in the middle, and there are couples for whom the experience of joint childbirth will benefit, but for others it will come as a shock, and they should abandon such a practice. What supporters and opponents of these births have in common is that this should be a conscious decision of both, and not a tribute to fashion or indulging the desires of your soulmate at the expense of your psyche and desires.

Benefits of partner birth

If we take into account the opinions of those couples who have already gone through a similar experience, analyzing the opinions of psychologists and the data of doctors, we can highlight several undoubted advantages of such a delivery. These include:

Disadvantages and problems of partner childbirth

Often, partner births also have negative consequences for married couple in general, and for the psyche of both partners – in particular. If a man is emotional, vulnerable and sensitive, and is not prepared for the spectacle, he may be shocked by this appearance of his wife and the inability to alleviate her suffering and pain. This threatens emotional and psycho-sexual trauma for a man.

The presence of a husband at childbirth is no longer uncommon today. Despite the fact that in the West this has been practiced for a long time, in Russia the presence of a husband during childbirth has appeared quite recently. What is this? A tribute to fashion, a desire to help your wife or to see a miracle - the birth of a long-awaited child? Men and women answer these questions differently, due to their family circumstances, love or fear of childbirth. There is no clear opinion, and future parents, like medical workers, divided into two opposing camps.

Joint childbirth - what is it for?

Joint childbirth with the husband allows the latter to be with the woman during contractions, and often at the most crucial moment - pushing and the birth of the child. Not all maternity hospitals allow the husband to be present at the birth, and this is often a paid procedure. About the process of childbirth, together with your husband, you often have to negotiate long and hard with the maternity hospital, choose a medical institution where future parents will be satisfied with the conditions of keeping the mother and child, the price and mutual trust of doctors and the pregnant couple.

Benefits of having your husband present during childbirth

Undoubtedly, any responsible business will have its advantages and disadvantages. And what is more important, each married couple will have to decide individually. It happens that the father did not participate in the first birth, but wanted to be present at the second. Or, on the contrary, the first birth shocked him so much that he would not go to the next one for any money. And yet, what are the advantages of having a parent present at birth:

• There is an opinion that being with your wife during childbirth awakens the paternal instinct. The future father sees the birth of a child, sometimes he is even allowed to cut the umbilical cord, he sees the whole process of examining the baby, washing him, swaddling him, and then holds the swaddled little bag in his hands, looking into his eyes and admiring his handiwork;
• The husband can provide real help a woman in labor, holds her hand, strokes her hair, and the “advanced” is able to massage the lumbosacral region to relieve pain during contractions;
• Some women are terribly afraid of the upcoming birth, and the presence of a loved one provides significant psychological support. In addition, the husband can entertain and distract the woman in labor funny stories, jokes, will call the doctor to the prenatal room if anything happens, and give him a glass of water. You can yell at your husband when you no longer have the strength to restrain yourself, in general, to discharge negative emotions;
• For many men, the very birth of a child is a joy, and being present at the birth is not an empty phrase for them, but a direct participation in the process. Such husbands consider themselves equal parents: “We conceived a child together, so we will also give birth together”;
• Also, the husband can control all the manipulations and procedures that are performed on his wife (after all, often a woman in labor is simply distracted from the actions of the doctors, focusing on contractions).

Disadvantages of a husband being present during childbirth

The disadvantages of having a husband present at childbirth also cannot be discounted. And they concern not only the desire or unwillingness of a man to attend childbirth, but also a woman:

• A woman in labor may feel shy about her husband. After all, this is not a beauty contest, but sometimes an unpleasant physiological process, where there will be blood, involuntary urination and defecation, tears or cuts in the perineum, and stitches. Not every woman would like to appear in front of her beloved man in this form;
• Quite sincerely, many men believe that a woman should remain a mystery, and childbirth is just that. women's secret, which men do not need to know;
• Husbands often get lost during childbirth, forget what they read in books, learned in pregnancy courses, and begin to fuss and get nervous. With this behavior they not only do not help their wife and doctors, but even interfere. In addition, men, as we know, are the weaker sex, and can easily faint at the sight of blood or the birth of a baby, as a result, doctors are forced to deal not with the woman in labor, but with the unstable husband;
• Some women cannot relax in the presence of their husbands, although when they are alone, they are able to quite calmly endure the pain and troubles of life. Also, with their restless behavior, men distract women in labor from childbirth; they cannot concentrate on contractions and the demands of medical staff;
• Many men, and even women, are afraid that the presence of their husband at childbirth will negatively affect their intimate relationships.

But be that as it may, joint birth discussed by both sides. Forcibly dragging your husband to the maternity hospital or ignoring your wife’s opinion is not welcome. This process is voluntary and is based on mutual love and the desire for the husband’s participation in childbirth.

Just a few years ago, partner births were considered a “Western curiosity” and could only be observed in foreign films. Today the situation is completely different. Every second pregnant woman asks herself the question of with whom to give birth. After all, it’s not necessarily childbirth with your husband. You can take your mother, girlfriend, and even your neighbor with you to the maternity hospital. But still, most often, women give birth with their husbands. And it is this topic that is most discussed and controversial. Thousands of examples of how easy it was to give birth with your beloved husband, and just as many disappointments. No wonder: every family is unique. And the consequences of joint childbirth are also individual.

One couple I know didn’t even raise the issue of family childbirth. Both spouses were sure that they would divorce right in the maternity hospital: he because of her whims, and she because of his “uselessness.” As a result, they gave birth together, live happily and remember this event with special trepidation. Others, on the contrary, partner birth We prepared even more than for a luxurious wedding: we attended courses for future parents, watched all possible films about childbirth, and re-read many books and magazines. But after the long-awaited event, the husband spent a month recovering with the help of psychologists, and the wife silently experienced postpartum depression. So, it is sometimes impossible to predict the outcome of joint births. However, there are general rules based on which you can determine the degree of readiness of a family for childbirth “for two”.

When is it absolutely forbidden to take your husband with you to the delivery room?

Erroneous and dangerous cause, according to which a woman demands her husband’s presence at the birth, “so that he can see how I suffer.” As a rule, in this case the family is going through some kind of crisis. And it will not be possible to solve it with the help of joint childbirth. Rather, it’s quite the opposite - in this way you will only put an end to the beginning of the end.

If a husband is catastrophically afraid of blood, then there is no place for him in the delivery room.

If you decided to give birth with your husband only because all your friends gave birth in pairs, then pay attention to other friends. Many people get divorced, cheat on each other, suffer humiliation... Don't be afraid to be different from others.

When is it absolutely necessary to take your husband to the birth?

If you are used to relying on your spouse for everything, right moment he knows how to calm you down, distract you or cheer you up, besides, he himself declares his readiness for joint childbirth, then you don’t even need to think about anything. Giving birth “together” will bring you even closer.

If your husband knows how to do pain-relieving massage, then it is simply necessary during childbirth. During labor, it will be very useful to you (both your husband and the massage).

If you give birth without a contract, with a doctor on duty, and you have heard about how poorly workers in many maternity hospitals treat women in labor, then take your husband with you as a “defensive gun.” It has been verified by many couples that when the husband is present, the medical staff is more attentive and patient towards the woman giving birth.

Contraindications

Even with your mutual desire to give birth together, there are medical “obstacles” on the way to this event:

• infectious diseases of the husband (influenza, tuberculosis, syphilis);
• alcohol intoxication;
• inappropriate behavior in the delivery room;
• fetal pathologies;
• C-section;
• childbirth in a general ward, where another woman can give birth nearby.

In all these cases, your husband will not be allowed to “give birth” with you.

Preparing for childbirth with my husband

Even if you have a number of psychological “contraindications” to joint childbirth, prepare for such important event both are worth it in your life. Be sure to attend courses for future parents with your husband. It is there that the question of whether a couple is ready or not for joint childbirth is usually decided. These courses often show videos about childbirth. The husband has the opportunity to “rehearse” and determine the degree of his readiness for such a feat. In addition, instructors describe and teach in detail how you can help a woman with...

It is very important to discuss all possible situations before giving birth. Childbirth takes place in three stages: pushing, pushing and birth of the placenta. Based on this, you can agree on what period and what kind of help you need. Very often the husband is with his wife during contractions, but during the pushing he goes out the door. He can be with you until victory, without looking into the “dangerous” zone, but help you (with breathing, support, words of consolation or encouragement).

Also agree on signals. If at any point you do not want to continue childbirth together, then let your husband know about it. It is important that he immediately fulfills your desire unconditionally. And he himself should have the right to leave when he no longer has the strength to “give birth” with you. The main thing is to avoid offense.

Help for a husband giving birth

• Listen patiently to your spouse. During labor, she may even behave inappropriately. Be prepared for her hysterics and even accusations against you.
• Try to distract her by telling her interesting stories, jokes.
• Remember the lectures from the courses. A woman during a strong contraction can forget about everything in the world. Your task is to remember a comfortable position, give a massage, support mentally and physically.
• Be courageous. Childbirth is not the most “beautiful” spectacle. However, during this period you are witnessing the birth of a new life, which, in fact, was conceived by you.

What could go wrong with my husband?

1. Fainting. This happens very often and causes a lot of trouble. It is not so easy for medical staff to deal with both a woman in labor and her half-dead husband at the same time. Agree before the birth that if your husband feels even slightly dizzy, he will immediately leave the delivery room.
2. Breakdown. This condition can occur for several reasons. Firstly, if your doctor is a man, and your husband is jealous, then the situation can be very unpredictable. Secondly, a husband is capable of breaking down even in the event of a difficult birth: his beloved wife screams in pain, and the medical staff does nothing. Prepare your spouse for the fact that childbirth is a long and painful process.
3. Temporary impotence. A lot of people talk about this, which means that this is what they are afraid of. Sometimes women themselves, without realizing their mistake, prepare such a scenario for their husband. They do not want their husband to see them, to put it mildly, as unattractive. But just keep in mind, dear ladies, that in postpartum period you will be far from being a magazine cover model. If you really don’t want to look “unusual” in front of your husband, then it’s better to give up having a joint birth right away.

Observations of psychologists

The main conclusion of psychologists regarding family childbirth is the early paternal instinct. There are three common options for paternal instinct: wakes up immediately, over time, never. Psychologists say that it is precisely thanks to joint childbirth that fathers’ parental feelings awaken in the first minutes of a newborn’s life. A man “in labor” realizes his responsibility for the little man. But such an outcome requires a number of conditions. The most important thing is the husband’s readiness for joint childbirth, true desire and awareness in this process.

Many still treat childbirth as a sacrament. But this is the mystery of the woman herself, they believe. And there is no need for a frightened husband to intrude into the idyll of childbirth. Let him never solve the mystery of nature: where children come from. Knowing about it is one thing, but seeing everything with your own eyes is quite another. And the spectacle is by no means for the faint of heart. Others, on the contrary, observe the idyll in the opposite way. Since husband and wife are one whole, let their “integrity” be manifested in everything. Even during childbirth. Both sides are most likely right. There is no need to make stupid conclusions about which births are better. It's up to you to decide anyway!

Especially for- Tanya Kivezhdiy

1. Many doctors believe that the husband's presence at childbirth reduces the number of complications. Firstly, the woman feels moral support, her husband helps her calm down and finds the right words. Secondly, a man can help not only morally - if he prepared in advance, he will give you a pain-relieving and relaxing massage.
2. The presence of the husband guarantees the politeness of the doctors. Often women are faced with the strictness of doctors in the hospital (maybe sometimes it is really justified). Therefore, the fact that there is a loved one nearby who can protect you if something happens and control the process calms you down and relieves unnecessary nervous tension.
3. Attachment to a child is formed from the first minutes. Some psychologists express the opinion that if the father was present in the maternity hospital, his connection with the child is stronger.
4. The couple's relationship becomes even closer. After such a vivid experience, you and your loved one will begin to trust each other even more and become as close as possible.

Childbirth with a husband: arguments against

1. The birth process may take a long time. A man is not always able to provide the necessary support. It also happens the other way around - he will be nervous, you will be too, and the birth will be even more difficult and longer than it could have been. Therefore, assess in advance the possible risks and, first of all, your husband’s willingness to go with you to the maternity hospital.
2. Your sex life may deteriorate. Yes, a man will see you in the most unattractive way possible. The shock your husband will experience during childbirth may be too strong. Think carefully: are you ready to reveal all your secrets to him or do you still want to always remain an attractive and slightly mysterious wife?
3. You will move away from each other. We just wrote about how you will become closer. But this doesn’t happen for everyone! If you put pressure on your husband to go with you, or he was simply too receptive, nothing good will come of it. He may faint, begin to feel guilty and pity for you, which will make your relationship worse.

Husband during childbirth: pros and cons

To still understand whether it is worth arranging a partner birth, answer yourself three questions:

• Does my man really want to watch me give birth?
• Is he psychologically ready for this?
• Will my husband's presence at the birth be relaxing and calming for me, or will I become even more nervous?

Who to go to the maternity hospital with: giving birth with your husband, mother or doula

If your husband doesn't support the idea of ​​a family birth, don't despair—there are other options. For example, you can invite your mother or best friend with you (especially one who already has children, so as not to frighten the nulliparous woman again). They will give you no less support, but they will not be so nervous and panicked.

Nowadays there is also a professional assistant in the maternity hospital - a doula. You need to choose her in advance in order to get acquainted and discuss all the issues that are important to you. A doula will not only provide you with psychological assistance, but will also give you useful practical recommendations.

The world around us is changing very quickly. What was familiar is becoming a thing of the past, new traditions are emerging.
Even 80-90 years ago, before the development of allopathic medicine and the emergence of a network of hospitals and clinics, virtually all over the world, most births took place at home, of course, in the presence of doctors.

The father was somewhere nearby, but not directly next to the woman in labor. He could hear sounds from the room where the birth was taking place, but he was allowed into the “holy of holies” only in extreme cases.

With the advent of traditional Soviet-style maternity hospitals, future fathers found themselves separated from the miracle of birth and their wives giving birth by the reliable walls of maternity wards. A custom arose of presenting the new father with an elegant bundle on the steps of the maternity hospital. How the baby was born, and what his wife experienced during these few days, the man could only guess.

In recent years, the presence of the father at the birth of a child has become increasingly popular. A future dad in the delivery room is no longer exotic, but an almost common occurrence. Let us remember that in Europe and America this tradition began to take shape 20 years earlier than here. Now the second generation of fathers is holding their newborn children, and psychologists are studying the long-term positive effects of early contact between fathers and their newborn children. Will this tradition take root in Russia?

There is a lot of work and research on how presence at childbirth and early contact with the baby strengthens paternal feelings. We will talk about the presence of the father at the birth and preparation for this.

We make a decision about joint childbirth:

When thinking about giving birth together, it is worth considering that it is better for spouses to live together during serious events in the life of the family:
And childbirth is a very serious event, which is called a first-order phenomenon. And this is a strong argument in favor of the presence of the future father at the birth.

Fashion for attending childbirth:

If the decision to be close to his wife is made at this moment because he did so best friend, or the boss, or because now all real men do this - then this is an unreliable basis.
The fashion of being present in the delivery room can become a trap for your couple.
All people and all families are unique, and it is important not to make the wrong choice.

Your individual choice:

Like many things in family life, the choice of place and style of childbirth is a matter of mutual agreement. Violence or psychological manipulation of one of the parties in such a delicate matter will definitely backfire after the birth of the baby. There is a saying “As we live, so we give birth” - it contains the idea that if the relationship in a couple is close and trusting, most likely they will be comfortable giving birth together.

But if the psychological distance between the spouses is great, if there is tension in the relationship, or a solid “conflict cushion” has been developed, if you were unable to untangle the knots in your relationship during pregnancy, if there is no agreement, but there is tension - it is better not to experiment and give birth traditionally way.

The father's ardent desire to be present at the birth is a necessary thing, but not sufficient.

A woman may have completely irrational reasons for not wanting her husband to be present at the birth. And all of them must be taken into account. As in everything related to the relationship between a man and a woman, reciprocity and reciprocity are important in childbirth - you should not show violence to anyone in any way. Any violence and unnaturalness will backfire on you.
After all, childbirth is a moment of truth, revealing the true nature of relationships. This is a kind of test for the depth and quality of relationships.
If there is a note of “comradery and brotherhood” in your relationship with your husband, if you are ready to “go on reconnaissance” together, then you can go to childbirth together.
But if you want him to be with you for educational purposes, so that he understands where children come from, and at what price all this is given to a woman, then this is the wrong argument.

What a man's eyes see during childbirth:

A man can see a woman's fear and pain. But natural or artificial anesthesia, under the influence of which a woman is under during childbirth, does not affect him. He becomes a participant in the pain of labor without any anesthesia. And not every man is ready for this. What can help a couple prepare for an effective joint birth?

Is it a man's or not a man's business?

The birth chamber is not a theatrical stage; there is no place for play.
The truth about your relationship, your fears and reluctances should not come out at the time of birth.
Admitting that you are not ready to give birth together is not a defeat at all, and not a diagnosis for the family.
Men who, for a number of reasons, do not want to be present at childbirth, who consider it a purely female matter, can be wonderful gentle, loving fathers, involved in upbringing, and very reliable husbands.
When making your choice, you should be clear about all the risk factors that apply to your couple.

Families who should avoid joint births: Risk group

Let's talk, first of all, about those fathers whose presence at childbirth is definitely undesirable.
I will make a reservation that the final choice is, first of all, up to you and your husband, and no one should impose their will on the married couple. But it is simply unreasonable not to take into account the considerations and observations of specialists and ordinary parents that have accumulated over the years.

Families with insecure relationships:

If family relationships are problematic and these problems were not resolved during pregnancy, but worsened, this is a reason to doubt the correctness of the decision to have the father present at the birth.
If there is a lack of trust and simplicity in the relationship between husband and wife, it will be difficult for a woman to relax. Resentment will prevent contractions from proceeding naturally.
Giving a man the opportunity to be present during childbirth is like a dog showing off its soft pink belly—the ultimate act of trust.
In addition, the grievances and unresolved contradictions that have accumulated in a problematic married couple will certainly make themselves felt during childbirth. After all, childbirth is a stressful situation, and during any stressful situation the underside of the relationship shows itself. There is no need to pin hopes on childbirth to resolve those difficulties between future parents that have been accumulating for months, or even years. The birth of a child is in itself an event of enormous significance, and it is unreasonable to overload it with anything else.
Try to sort out most of your problems before the baby is born so as not to pin them on the newborn.

Civil marriages and unregistered unions:

Nowadays, people often live together for years, but do not intend to put a stamp in their passport. Nowadays you won’t surprise anyone with a civil marriage.
And yet, most psychologists believe that informal relationships are a risk factor for the successful development of family relationships.
In such unions, women rarely talk about their desire to marry their actual husband. BUT every girl - big or small - starting from the age of 4-5 dreams of a veil and a white dress.
So, by the time the child is born, the unrealization of this normal female desire to have a ring on her finger and not have difficulties obtaining a birth certificate can lead to the accumulation of serious unspoken resentment. Which, naturally, will interfere with the harmonious presence of the father at the birth.

People in too masculine professions

Men often choose professions associated with risk, tough relationships, and danger. And if a person is a professional in his field, this cannot but leave an imprint on his external and internal appearance.
If your husband is a military man, an athlete, a rescue worker or a big boss, or if there were extreme and difficult situations in his life, this will definitely manifest itself during childbirth.
Such people, accustomed to being harsh and strict with themselves and their loved ones, may behave too harshly during childbirth. Such men may begin to demand “fighting behavior” from their wife instead of providing support and expressing sympathy.
Take into account the character traits and personality traits of your husband when deciding to give birth together.

How to prepare your husband to attend childbirth:

Joint pregnancy. "Pregnant Couple"

If this pregnancy was desired for you and your husband, or at least you were able to accept this news with joy until mid-pregnancy, this is a positive factor.
If you have formed a “pregnant couple” from a married couple, in which the interests of the woman and the unborn child are taken into account, then this is a gentle and smooth preparation of the husband for childbirth.
After all, thoughts about the child and his upcoming birth prepare for this event.
But if you are thinking about the fact that you are about to give birth a couple of weeks before giving birth, then it is unlikely that you will be able to prepare well for a joint birth. There may be too many unresolved issues.
The husband’s presence at childbirth should not be something completely divorced from the family’s lifestyle and little consistent with it. If the husband does not participate in any way in the pregnancy, then his presence at the birth will look, at least, strange and is unlikely to help his wife.

Agree on everything in advance:

The decision to give birth together should not be made at the last moment or in a hurry. The place where you are going to give birth and the specialist you trust to conduct the birth should be chosen carefully. And the decision to give birth together must mature; this requires time of no less than 2-3 months.
Any disagreements regarding childbirth must be discussed and resolved. What a wife expects from her husband, how a man imagines all this - this requires detailed discussion.
Talk to people you know who have similar experiences to get a better idea of ​​the situation.
Choose music together that calms you down, discuss smells that are pleasant to you. Take your time and think about ways to make the birth environment more comfortable and the first days with your baby more comfortable. All this is quite possible in Russian maternity hospitals if you give birth under a contract.

An adequate attitude towards pain is a necessary condition:

If a man has a fear of pain or blood, if he can hardly bear the sight of others suffering, this can become an obstacle to attending childbirth.
By accepting the pain of childbirth, a woman becomes a mother - there is a commandment “in pain you will give birth to your children.” Nobody commanded a man to see the pain of childbirth. This is a matter of free choice. And in order for this choice to be made correctly, you need to know your reaction to pain and not hide your fears.
There are legends that women are more comfortable with long-term pain than men. This is true in relation to labor pain.

Let's get rid of fears associated with childbirth:

For many people, both men and women, the process of giving birth to a child seems something catastrophic, purely medical - a kind of mysterious operation associated with a high degree of risk.
Simple and accessible information about how childbirth occurs, about the different stages of this process, about the physiology of labor and the psychology of the woman in labor can dispel most of these fears.
It is much easier for men to participate in childbirth if he has a certain “mental picture”, a diagram of how it happens.

Birth plan:

Many men find it easier to imagine their participation in childbirth if they have a plan drawn up in advance with their wife and specialists. rough plan management of childbirth. On the one hand, this helps the future father to understand the process more clearly, and on the other hand, by discussing the birth plan, you can discuss topics that concern you. For example, what to do if labor is delayed, what degree of medical participation and stimulation of labor do you consider acceptable.

Before giving birth, a man should have a clear visual idea of ​​how all this happens:

Now it won’t be difficult to buy and watch educational films about childbirth together. They are, as a rule, foreign-made. But modern paid wards of many maternity hospitals are quite similar to Western ones.
The most important thing is not the interiors, but the pre-obtained visual idea of ​​what the birth of a child looks like.
It is better for a man who is going to attend the birth to first see all this from the outside, what is happening on the screen and with someone else’s wife. This will be a kind of preparation and test for readiness to endure childbirth “live.”
Doctors and obstetricians tell many stories when in the maternity ward they had to pump out not the wife, but the husband.
And this is not funny, because during childbirth a woman wants to see her husband as hope and support, and not as an object requiring care.

Habit of caring:

Pregnancy is a great time to learn how to provide help and support to your wife and be attentive to her whims. All this will be very useful during childbirth and the postpartum period.
But if the husband himself is accustomed to being the object of care, then even during childbirth he may begin to demand attention to himself.
Therefore, use the last months of pregnancy as “care training” for your wife.
It is useful for a woman not to be shy about showing weakness and asking for help and support. In my opinion, pregnancy is a great time for this.
The ability to accept care will be useful in childbirth, and in subsequent life.
If you are used to seeing yourself as strong, in control and responsible for everything, it will be difficult for you to let go of the reins and surrender to the birth process, which cannot be controlled.
Remember, managing childbirth is the work of nature and the obstetrician.

It’s good if dad imagines what newborns look like:

Newly born babies are quite different from the image of the “ideal baby” that is present in the minds of most adults.
The future father must be prepared for the fact that his newborn child is tiny, red, and cannot yet smile or focus his eyes.
In addition, newborns are covered with vernix, a cheesy white substance, and their eyes may be swollen after passing through the birth canal. All these features will disappear after a few hours or days. But, nevertheless, the instinctive reaction of many men who have not seen newborns before is: “Is everything okay with him.” Therefore, it is worth watching films or photographs with newborn children in advance.

Being in the maternity hospital or drinking with friends. How “uninvolved” fathers celebrate the birth of a child.

Most women are very offended by the complete non-participation and detachment of their husband during childbirth. And having become almost traditional for men, replacing being near your wife with strong drinks with friends can cool the relationship between spouses for a long time. For fathers who don’t know that they can be there for their wife or even help her in some way during the birth of a new person, drinking with friends is an opportunity to do at least something on such an important day.
But this is not a “real” action. It hides serious male experiences and fears, but it is difficult for a woman to understand this.
Drinking yourself into unconsciousness is a bad way to help your wife. If you don’t want to or can’t be there, it’s better to finish the repairs or do something constructive for the family.
This will be appreciated, and your energy will not be wasted.

“Freely inherited paternity”:

Pasternak has a scene in his novel Doctor Zhivago in which main character stands in the hospital corridor and hears the screams and moans of his wife. She has a difficult, protracted labor, and she has been suffering for many hours; there is even a risk. And then, finally, the baby’s cry is heard. And Yuri feels that a miracle happened, but he actually got all this for nothing. This feeling often occurs among fathers who are cut off from childbirth, but want to share the labor and pain of their wife.
Presence at childbirth can be treated as support during difficult times. When someone close to us takes a crucial exam or undergoes a serious test normal desire relatives - to be somewhere nearby and, if possible, to support in any way.
So, in the absence of significant contraindications and with the strong desire of the father, joint childbirth is quite possible.

What a man can do for his wife during childbirth:

Just to be close:

In many cases this is already a lot. Most women feel calm when they know that there is a loved one nearby who is directly related to the new man.

Attitude to pain and ways of working with it.

First of all, it can help to understand that pain is not an annoying obstacle during childbirth, but a necessary condition for the birth of a new person.
If a man has a clear idea of ​​how exactly he can help and ease the pain of labor a little, it will be much easier for him.

Pain relief massage:

It's worth learning during pregnancy simple techniques, relieving the pain of a woman in labor. Instructors of courses for pregnant women will provide you with all the necessary information - they will name the necessary books (for example, Dick Reed “Childbirth without Fear”). Special movements of a pain-relieving massage, special positions in which it is easier for a woman to experience contractions, the ability to prepare a drink that the wife loves - all this must be known in advance to the husband who is going to participate in the birth of his wife. After all, most men are men of action. For them, presence means participation. And inaction and ignorance of ways to help is a sharp knife.
Therefore, agree in advance about what you expect from your husband. If necessary, consult a specialist. Doctors and psychologists will be able to train my husband simple ways massage and tactics of behavior during childbirth.

Pushing and contractions are different stages of labor:

All of the above actions are appropriate at the contraction stage. When labor enters the final stage and pushing begins, the situation and the woman’s condition changes radically. It’s like she’s “not quite here.” The sensation of pushing can be overwhelming, and natural anesthesia changes the state of consciousness.
A professional obstetrician can do a lot for a woman while she is pushing, but virtually nothing a husband can do. AND big question– whether he needs to be present at this moment in close proximity.
The initial stages of labor and the postpartum period do not raise such questions - there, the presence of a husband nearby can give a lot to a married couple.
So maybe to be not together, but somewhere very close. This can become the motto of joint childbirth.

If you feel that at these moments your husband’s presence is a burden to you:

Don’t be shy or overpower yourself if you realize that your husband’s presence next to you constrains you and forces you to hold back too much.
For many women, at the final stage of labor, the phase of “persecuting dads” begins. Agree in advance on conventional signs - gestures or words. This should be such a “stop signal” - if a woman gives it, the husband unconditionally and quickly leaves the “scene”. The main thing is that at this moment there are no disputes or resentments. Discuss in advance the possibility that you will change your mind at the last minute. A pregnant woman can easily get away with inconsistency.
Childbirth - especially the first - is a completely new experience for a woman, and she cannot know what to expect from herself. It is extremely important for a woman to feel free during childbirth. If for some reason the presence of your husband prevents you from relaxing, there is no need to overpower yourself.
This moment of unpredictability of the desires and moods of the woman in labor.

The presence of the father in the postpartum period is an undeniable thing:

So, being present at childbirth for a man is a very serious event and an experience of enormous power.
It is believed that the earliest possible tactile contact between the father and the baby contributes to the formation secure attachment. Fathers who held their newborn children in their arms were more closely involved in their upbringing and care. They are not afraid of the child and feel competent.
A man can do a lot for his wife who has just given birth. The presence of dad in the postpartum ward makes the first days of an enlarged family after the period of sick leave and medical care a joyful family event. We still have a detailed conversation about the postpartum period in the life of a family.

Published in Lisa “My Child” in December 2008