1. Many doctors believe that the presence of a husband during childbirth reduces the number of complications. Firstly, the woman feels moral support, the husband helps to calm down and finds the right words. Secondly, a man can help not only morally - if he prepared in advance, he will give you an anesthetic and relaxing massage.
2. The presence of the husband guarantees the courtesy of the doctors. Often, women are faced with the severity of doctors in the hospital (maybe sometimes it is really justified). Therefore, the fact that there is a close person nearby, who can protect in case of emergency and control the process, calms and relieves unnecessary nervous tension.
3. Attachment to the child is formed from the first minutes. Some psychologists are of the opinion that if the father was present at the maternity hospital, his bond with the child is stronger.
4. The couple's relationship is getting closer. After such a vivid experience, you and your loved one will begin to trust each other even more and get as close as possible.

Childbirth with a husband: arguments "against"

1. The birth process can be delayed. Not always a man is able to give the necessary support. It happens and vice versa - he will be nervous, you too, and childbirth will be even more difficult and longer than it could. Therefore, evaluate the possible risks in advance and, first of all, the readiness of your husband to go with you to the hospital.
2. Your sex life may be ruined. Yes, a man will see you in the most unattractive way that can be. The shock that your husband will experience during childbirth may be too strong. Think carefully: are you ready to reveal all the secrets to him or do you still want to always remain an attractive and slightly mysterious wife?
3. You will move away from each other. We just wrote about the fact that you will get closer. But this is not the case for everyone! If you put pressure on your husband to come with you, or if he just turned out to be too receptive, nothing good will come of it. He may faint, begin to feel guilty and pity for you, from which your relationship will become worse.

Husband in childbirth: pros and cons

To still understand whether it is worth arranging partner childbirth, answer yourself three questions:

• Does my man really want to watch me give birth?
• Is he mentally ready for this?
• Will the presence of my husband during childbirth become relaxing and calming for me, or will I start to get even more nervous?

With whom to go to the hospital: childbirth with a husband, mother or doula

If your husband does not support the idea of ​​family childbirth, do not despair - there are other options. For example, you can call your mother or best friend with you (especially the one who already has children, so as not to frighten the nulliparous once again). They will give you just as much support, but they will not become so nervous and panicked.

Now there is also a professional assistant in the maternity hospital - a doula. You need to choose it in advance in order to get acquainted and discuss all the issues that are important to you. A doula will not only provide you with psychological help, but also give you useful practical recommendations.

The presence of a husband at childbirth today is no longer a rarity. Despite the fact that in the West this has been practiced for a long time, in Russia a husband present in childbirth has appeared quite recently. What's this? A tribute to fashion, a desire to help your wife or see a miracle - the birth of a long-awaited child? Men and women answer these questions differently, due to their family circumstances, love or fear of childbirth. There is no single opinion, and future parents, like medical workers divided into two opposing camps.

Joint birth– what are they for?

Joint childbirth with her husband allows the latter to be with the woman during labor, and often at the most crucial moment - attempts and the birth of a child. Not all maternity hospitals allow the presence of the husband at the birth, and, often, this is a paid procedure. On the process of childbirth together with her husband, it is often necessary to negotiate long and hard with the maternity hospital, to choose medical institution, where future parents will be satisfied with the conditions of the mother and child, the price and mutual trust of doctors and a pregnant couple.

Advantages of the presence of a husband in childbirth

Undoubtedly, in any responsible business there are advantages and disadvantages. And more importantly, each couple will have to decide individually. It happens that the father did not participate in the first birth, but desired to be present at the second. Or vice versa, the first childbirth shocked him so much that he would not go to the next ones for any money. And yet, what are the advantages of the presence of a parent at childbirth:

There is an opinion that being with your wife in childbirth awakens the paternal instinct. The future dad sees the appearance of the childHow to cope with tantrums and hyperactivity of the child? into the light, sometimes they even let him cut the umbilical cord, he sees the whole process of examining the baby, washing him, swaddling him, and then, holding a swaddled bag in his hands, looking into his eyes and admiring the work of his hands;
The husband can provide real help a woman in labor, holds her hand, strokes her hair, and the “advanced” is able to perform a massage of the lumbosacral region to relieve pain during contractions;
Some women are terribly afraid of the upcoming birth, and the presence of a close and dear person provides significant psychological support. In addition, the husband can entertain and distract the woman in labor funny stories, anecdotes, will call the doctor to the prenatal room in which case, he will give a glass of water. You can shout at your husband when you no longer have the strength to restrain yourself, in general, to discharge yourself from negative emotions;
For many men, the very birth of a child is a joy, and being present at the birth is not an empty phrase for them, but direct participation in the process. Such husbands consider themselves equal parents: “We conceived a child together, so we will also give birth together”;
Also, the husband can control all the manipulations and procedures that are carried out by his wife (after all, often a woman in childbirth is simply distracted from the actions of doctors, focusing on contractions).

Disadvantages of a husband being in childbirth

The disadvantages of the presence of a husband at childbirth also cannot be discounted. And they concern not only the desire or unwillingness of a man to stay in childbirth, but also a woman:

A woman in childbirth may be ashamed of her husband. After all, this is not a beauty contest, but sometimes an impartial physiological process, where there will be blood, involuntary urination and defecation, tears or incisions in the perineum, suturing. Not every woman would like to appear before her beloved man in this form;
Quite sincerely, many men believe that a woman should remain a mystery, and childbirth is what it is. women's secret, which men do not need to know;
Husbands often get lost during childbirth, forget what they read in books, learned in pregnancy courses and begin to fuss and get nervous. By such behavior, they not only do not help their wife and doctors, but even interfere. In addition, men, as you know, are the weaker sex, and can easily faint at the sight of blood or the birth of a baby, as a result, doctors are forced to deal not with a woman in labor, but with an unstable husband;
Some women cannot relax in the presence of their husband, although when they are alone, they are able to endure the pain and troubles of life quite calmly. Also, with their restless behavior, men distract women in childbirth from childbirth, they cannot focus on contractions and the demands of medical personnel;
Many men, and even women, are afraid that the presence of a husband at childbirth will adversely affect their intimate relationships.

During pregnancy, the closer the time to childbirth, the more acute the question arises of whether to go to the hospital to meet with the baby in proud loneliness, or take a partner with you as support in such a difficult test.

This practice of childbirth with someone accompanying the woman in labor is called partner childbirth. And this is far from a newfangled trend, but well forgotten and partially transformed into new trends - the old one.

Even our ancestors gave birth with older relatives who helped and supported, in addition, husbands were often present at childbirth, including among royalty. Why are women so attracted to partner childbirth today, when modern maternity hospitals can already provide them with comfort and convenience?

Pregnancy and woman psychology

From the very beginning of pregnancy, a woman changes not only externally, but also internally, her body is rebuilt to take care of herself and the unborn baby, and her emotional state changes dramatically. She needs the attention and care of others, the support of loved ones - this period is not easy for her, and the upcoming birth is frightening, especially if this is the first baby, there is no experience of staying in the maternity hospital and knowledge about what and how is happening within its walls.

Naturally, the doctors and staff of the maternity hospital will do everything to make the presence of a woman and the appearance of a baby as joyful and comfortable as possible (as far as possible), but they are still strangers to the expectant mother, unlike her husband, close relatives or friends. In this regard, partner childbirth is becoming more and more popular today, when in the most crucial period of life, not only doctors are next to a woman, but also the person to whom she entrusts the joy of sharing with her the sacrament of the birth of a son or daughter.

note

Even if the partner does not provide any physical assistance in childbirth, the presence of a loved one nearby is powerful psychological support, which is most urgently needed. future mother.

But in approaching the issue of partner childbirth, one must proceed not only from the interests of the woman herself, but also those who will be next to her, not everyone is ready to keep her company within the walls of the maternity hospital, especially when it comes to men, future fathers. Is the practice of partner childbirth useful, will it help in improving the relationship of the couple, does it affect the future relationship with babies?

Who can become a birth partner?

Today, any person who is considered close to a woman, and whom she would be glad to see, can be taken as a partner for childbirth. And it can be both a spouse and a mother, a mother-in-law or a girlfriend, a sister, or a special person - a psychologist or a doula. Usually the latter are private practitioners with professional knowledge in the field of psychology, physiology of childbirth and the characteristics of pregnant women, who can provide assistance and support at the most crucial moment. But, unlike relatives, they take payment for accompanying a pregnant woman during gestation and the birth of crumbs, as for the services rendered, which means that such practices are not yet very common in our country.

Decision on partner birth

Just like that, without informing anyone in advance, you cannot come to the maternity hospital with a crowd of relatives who will be present with you at the birth, and they will not let the whole family into the delivery room. The birth partner is usually one person who accompanies the woman in childbirth. Therefore, it is important to discuss in advance with the doctor leading the pregnancy the feasibility of such childbirth, and then discuss them with the family - not everyone is ready to go to the maternity hospital with the expectant mother, especially husbands, and they can also be understood.

A maternity hospital is a medical institution where unexamined people are unacceptable as a potential source of infection, and the birth partner must have all the data from recent examinations (the list of tests will be issued by the maternity hospital when concluding a contract), appropriate clothing and training. Otherwise, the escort will be left to wait in the emergency room.

There are a number of conditions for partner childbirth, the observance of which is mandatory:

• The expectant mother herself should want a similar type of childbirth and express her consent in writing, and the partner should also express a similar desire - be it the father of the child or another close person.
• It is important to jointly prepare for childbirth in courses with maternity hospital or a pregnancy clinic.
• The consent of the doctors who will conduct the pregnancy has been obtained, and a contract for partner childbirth has been concluded.
• All actions of the participants in childbirth must be coordinated and expedient, but if the future dad begins to faint or panic at the most crucial moment, this will not be the most wonderful scenario.

Also it is worth discussing the availability of an individual delivery room, since other women in labor will not be happy with the presence of someone else's husband or mother, individual chambers, and such services may be paid, which must also be taken into account.

It is important that the decision be conscious for everyone, and you should not show the selfishness of the future mother, forcibly forcing a man who is not ready for this to go to childbirth. Even brutal and strong men can psychologically not withstand such a spectacle; in their heads, childbirth appears a little differently than it really is. Psychologists say that if this is not a deliberate and independent decision of a man, in the future this may affect the intimate life of a couple and internal relationships in the family. Therefore, it is important to respect the partner’s opinion and not be persistent when he refuses. And yet, even if there is such a desire - mommy needs to be sure that she herself wants to see a man in a similar situation, she will look far from gorgeous in childbirth, this is not a walk, but a serious serious process, painful and lengthy.

What are the requirements for birth partners?

Psychologists and doctors say that only the person who is physically and emotionally ready for such a practice can act as a partner in childbirth. He must be absolutely calm and confident in himself and his actions, fully aware of the process of childbirth from and to, and can really support the mother, which is achieved by special preparation before childbirth.

note

The partner, especially if it is a man, must control himself and not conflict with the staff, imposing his opinion just because he read or heard so. He must fully support the opinion of the woman giving birth and assess her condition, acting only according to her interests.

By the way, it is important to be prepared for the negative reaction of the woman in labor, to take her emotions and irritation caused by birth stress for granted, to be calm about the words spoken in a fit. For a woman, childbirth is a difficult process that can provoke not only positive, but also negative emotions due to fatigue, pain and stress.

Childbirth with a husband: pros and cons

Many supporters of partner childbirth cite as an example the experience of their ancestors, when brutal men in animal skins took birth from their women in ancient caves. In addition, Western experience is given, where women give birth surrounded by almost all family members.

And opponents appeal to them, citing as an example Soviet maternity hospitals, in which men were forbidden to enter, due to which their psyche remained untouched by the sacrament of the birth act. And they also claim that every fifth man in America who has experienced a partner childbirth goes to a psychoanalyst, talking about the trauma suffered during the birth of his wife.

There are opinions for and against, both among ordinary people and professionals - doctors and psychologists, and everyone gives their own arguments. Therefore, the truth is somewhere in the middle, and there are couples who will benefit from the experience of joint childbirth, but for others it will come as a shock, and they should abandon such a practice. What supporters and opponents of these births are united in - it should be a conscious decision of both, and not a tribute to fashion or indulging the desires of your soulmate at the expense of your psyche and desires.

Benefits of partner birth

If we take into account the opinion of those couples who have already experienced a similar experience, analyzing the opinion of psychologists and the data of doctors, we can highlight several undoubted advantages of such a delivery. These include:

Disadvantages and problems of partner birth

Often, partner births also form negative consequences for married couple in general, and for the psyche of both partners - in particular. If a man is emotional, vulnerable and sensitive, not prepared for the spectacle, he may be shocked by this kind of wife and the inability to alleviate her suffering and pain. This threatens with emotional and psycho-sexual trauma for a man.

The world around us is changing very quickly. What used to be familiar is becoming a thing of the past, new traditions are emerging.
Even 80-90 years ago, before the development of allopathic medicine and the emergence of a network of hospitals and clinics, in fact, throughout the world, most births took place at home, of course, in the presence of doctors.

The father was somewhere nearby, but not directly next to the woman in labor. He could hear the sounds from the room where the birth takes place, but he was allowed into the "holy of holies" only in extreme cases.

With the advent of traditional Soviet-style maternity hospitals, future fathers found themselves separated from the miracle of birth and wives giving birth by reliable walls of maternity wards. There was a custom to give the newly-born dad an elegant bundle on the steps of the maternity hospital. How the baby was born, and what his wife experienced during these few days - the man could only guess.

In recent years, the presence of the father at the birth of a child has become increasingly popular. The future dad in the delivery room is no longer exotic, but almost a common occurrence. Recall that in Europe and America this tradition began to take shape 20 years earlier than in our country. Now, the second generation of fathers is holding their newborn children, and psychologists are studying the long-term positive effects of early contact of fathers with their newborn children. Will this tradition take root in Russia?

There is a wealth of work and research on how attendance at birth and early contact with the baby enhances paternal feelings. It will be about the presence of the father at childbirth and preparation for this.

We make a decision on joint childbirth:

When thinking about joint childbirth, it is worth considering that serious events in the life of a family are better for spouses to live together:
And childbirth is a very serious event, which is called a first-order phenomenon. And this is a strong argument in favor of the presence of the future father at birth.

Fashion for the presence at childbirth:

If the decision to be with his wife is made at this moment because he did so best friend, or the boss, or because now all real men do this - then this is an unreliable basis.
Fashion for the presence in the delivery room for your couple can be a trap.
All people and all families are unique, and it is important to make the right choice.

Your individual choice:

Like many things in family life, the choice of place and style of childbirth is a matter of mutual consent. The violence or psychological manipulation of one of the parties manifested in such a subtle issue will definitely come out sideways after the birth of the baby. There is such a saying “As we live, so we give birth” - it contains the idea that if the relationship in a couple is close and trusting, most likely they will be comfortable giving birth together.

But if the psychological distance between the spouses is large, if there is tension in the relationship, or a solid “conflict pillow” has been developed, if you were unable to unravel the knots in your relationship during pregnancy, if there is no agreement, but there is tension, it’s better not to experiment and give birth traditionally way.

Father's ardent desire to be present at birth is a necessary thing, but not enough.

A woman may have absolutely irrational reasons for not wanting her husband to be present at the birth. And all of them must be taken into account. As in everything that concerns the relationship between a man and a woman, reciprocity and reciprocity are important in childbirth - you should not show violence against anyone in anything. Any violence and unnaturalness will come to you sideways.
After all, childbirth is the moment of truth, revealing the true nature of the relationship. This is a kind of test for the depth and quality of relationships.
If there is a note of “comradeship and brotherhood” in your relationship with your husband, if you are ready to “go on reconnaissance” together, then you can give birth together.
But if you want him to be with you for educational purposes, so that he understands where children come from, and at what cost all this is given to a woman, then this is a wrong argument.

What a man's eyes see during childbirth:

A man can see the fear and pain of a woman. But natural or artificial anesthesia, under the influence of which a woman is during childbirth, does not affect him. He becomes a participant in labor pain without any anesthesia. And not every man is ready for this. What can help a couple prepare for an effective joint birth?

Is it a man's or not a man's business:

The birth chamber is not a theatrical stage, there is no place to play.
The truth about your relationship, your fears and reluctances should not come out at the time of childbirth.
To admit that you are not ready to give birth together is not a defeat at all, and not a diagnosis for the family.
Men who, for a number of reasons, do not want to be present at childbirth, considering this a purely feminine matter, can be wonderful gentle, loving fathers included in the upbringing and very reliable husbands.
When making your choice, you must be clear about all the risk factors that are relevant to your couple.

Families who are better off refraining from joint birth: Risk group

Let's talk, first of all, about those fathers whose presence at the birth is unambiguously undesirable.
I will make a reservation that the matter of the final choice, first of all, is up to you and your husband, and no one should impose their will on a married couple. But it is simply unreasonable not to take into account the considerations and observations of specialists and just parents who have been accumulating for years.

Families with insecure relationships:

If relations in the family are problematic and during pregnancy these problems were not resolved, but worsened, this is a reason to doubt the correctness of the decision on the presence of the father at the birth.
If there is a lack of trust and simplicity in the relationship between husband and wife, it will be difficult for a woman to relax. Resentment will prevent contractions from flowing naturally.
Giving a man the opportunity to be present during childbirth for a woman is like dogs showing their soft pink belly - the highest act of trust.
In addition, the grievances and unresolved contradictions that have accumulated in a problem married couple will definitely make themselves felt during childbirth. After all, childbirth is a stressful situation, and during any stressful situation, the wrong side of the relationship shows itself. There is no need to pin hope on childbirth to resolve those difficulties between future parents that have been accumulating for months, or even years. The birth of a child is an event of tremendous significance in itself, and it is unreasonable to overload it with something else.
Try to deal with most of your problems before the baby is born, so as not to hang them on the newborn.

Civil marriages and unformed unions:

Now often people live together for years, but they are not going to put a stamp in their passport. Now you will not surprise anyone with a civil marriage.
Nevertheless, most psychologists believe that unformed relationships are a risk factor for the successful development of relationships in the family.
In such unions, women rarely talk about their desire to marry the actual husband. BUT after all, every girl - big or small - from the age of 4-5 dreams of a veil and a white dress.
So, by the time the child is born, the unfulfillment of this normal female desire to have a ring on her finger and not have difficulties with issuing a birth certificate can lead to the accumulation of serious unspoken resentment. Which, of course, will interfere with the harmonious presence of the father during childbirth.

People in too masculine professions

Men often choose for themselves professions associated with risk, tough relationships, and danger. And if a person is a professional in his field, this cannot but leave an imprint on his external and internal appearance.
If your husband is a military man, an athlete, a rescuer or a big boss, or if there were extreme and difficult situations in his life, this will definitely manifest itself in childbirth.
Such people, accustomed to being harsh and strict with themselves and their loved ones, may behave too harshly during childbirth. Such men may begin to demand "combat behavior" from their wife instead of providing support and sympathy.
Consider the character traits and personality traits of your husband when deciding whether to give birth together.

How to prepare your husband for the birth:

Shared pregnancy. "Pregnant couple"

If this pregnancy was desirable for you and your husband, or at least you were able to accept this news with joy until the middle of pregnancy, this is a positive factor.
If you have formed a “pregnant couple” from a married couple, in which the interests of a woman and an unborn child are taken into account, then this is a gentle and smooth preparation of the husband for childbirth.
After all, thoughts about the child and his upcoming birth prepare for this event.
But if you are thinking that you will soon give birth a couple of weeks before the birth, then it is unlikely that you will be able to prepare well for a joint birth. Too many questions may remain unresolved.
The presence of a husband at childbirth should not be something completely divorced from the style of life of the family, little consistent with him. If the husband does not participate in the pregnancy in any way, then his presence at the birth will look at least strange and is unlikely to help his wife.

Arrange everything in advance:

The decision on joint childbirth should not be made at the last moment and in a hurry. The place where you are going to give birth and the specialist you trust to conduct childbirth should be chosen carefully. And the decision on joint childbirth must mature, this requires time, not less than 2-3 months.
Residuals relating to childbirth must be spoken out and removed. What a wife expects from her husband, how a man imagines all this - this requires a detailed discussion.
Talk to people you know who have similar experiences to get a better idea of ​​the situation.
Pick up together music that calms you, discuss smells that you enjoy. Slowly, think about how to make the birthing environment more comfortable, and the first days with the baby cozier. All this is quite possible in the conditions of Russian maternity hospitals, if you give birth under a contract.

An adequate attitude to pain is a necessary condition:

If a man has a fear of pain or blood, if he can hardly bear the sight of the suffering of others, this can become an obstacle to attending childbirth.
Accepting birth pain, a woman becomes a mother - there is a commandment "in pain you will give birth to your children." No one commanded a man to see labor pain. This is a matter of free choice. And in order for this choice to be made correctly, you need to know your reaction to pain and not hide your fears.
There are legends that women are more comfortable with long-term pain than men. In relation to labor pain, this is true.

We get rid of the fears associated with childbirth:

For many people, both men and women, the process of having a child seems to be something catastrophic, purely medical - a kind of mysterious, high-risk operation.
Simple and accessible information about how childbirth occurs, about the different stages of this process, about the physiology of childbirth and the psychology of the woman in labor, can dispel most of these fears.
It is much easier for men to participate in childbirth if he has a certain "mental picture", a scheme of how this happens.

"Plan" childbirth:

It is easier for many men to imagine their participation in childbirth if they and their wife and specialists rough plan childbirth. On the one hand, this helps the future father to more clearly imagine the process, and on the other hand, when discussing the birth plan, you can discuss topics that concern you. For example, what to do if labor is delayed, what degree of medical attention and induction of labor do you consider acceptable.

Before giving birth, a man should have a clear visual representation of how it all happens:

Now it will not be difficult to buy and watch educational films about childbirth together. They are usually foreign made. But modern paid wards in many maternity hospitals are quite similar to Western ones.
The most important thing is not the interiors, but a pre-obtained visual representation of what the birth of a child looks like.
It is better for a man who is going to attend childbirth to first see all this from the side, what is happening on the screen and with someone else's wife. This will be a kind of preparation and test for readiness to transfer the birth "live".
Doctors and obstetricians tell many stories when in the delivery room it was necessary to pump out not the wife, but the husband.
And this is not funny, because during childbirth a woman wants to see hope and support in her husband, and not an object that requires care.

Caring Habit:

Pregnancy is a great time to learn how to help and support your wife and be attentive to her whims. All this is very useful during childbirth and in the postpartum period.
But if the husband himself is used to being the object of care, then he may begin to demand attention in childbirth.
Therefore, use the last months of pregnancy as a “care training” for your wife.
It is useful for a woman not to be shy to show weakness and ask for help and support. In my opinion, pregnancy is a great time for this.
The ability to accept care is useful in childbirth, and later life.
If you are used to seeing yourself as strong, in control and responsible for everything, it will be difficult for you to let go of the reins and surrender to the process of childbirth, which cannot be controlled.
Remember, managing childbirth is a matter of nature and an obstetrician.

Well, if dad imagines what newborns look like:

Newly born babies are quite different from the image of the “perfect baby” that is present in the minds of most adults.
The future dad should be prepared for the fact that his newborn child is tiny, red, not yet able to smile and focus his eyes.
In addition, newborns are covered with primordial lubrication - a curdled white matter, and their eyes may be swollen after passing through the birth canal. All these features will disappear after a few hours or days. But, nevertheless, the instinctive reaction of many men who have not seen newborns before is: "Is everything all right with him." Therefore, it is worth watching films or photographs with newborn children in advance.

Being at the hospital or having a drink with friends. How "unincluded" fathers celebrate the birth of a child.

Most women are very offended by the complete non-participation and detachment of the husband during childbirth. And, which has become almost traditional for men, replacing the presence next to the wife with a strong drink with friends can cool the relationship between spouses for a long time. For fathers who don't know that it's possible to be there for their wife and even help her in some way when a new man is born, drinking with friends is an opportunity to do at least something on such an important day.
But this is a "fake" action. Serious male experiences and fears are hidden behind it, but it is difficult for a woman to understand this.
Drinking yourself unconscious is a bad way to help your wife. If you don’t want or can’t be around, it’s better to finish the renovation or do something creative for the family.
It will be appreciated and your energy will not be wasted.

"The Gift of Fatherhood":

Pasternak in Doctor Zhivago has a scene in which main character stands in the corridor of the hospital and hears the cries and groans of his wife. She has a difficult, protracted birth, and she has been suffering for many hours, there is even a risk. And finally, the cry of the baby is heard. And Yuri feels that a miracle happened, but he actually got all this for nothing. This feeling often occurs in fathers who are cut off from childbirth, but want to share the work and pain of their wife.
Presence at childbirth can be treated as support during difficult times. When one of our loved ones passes a decisive exam, or passes a serious test normal desire relatives - to be somewhere nearby and, if possible, support in any way.
So, in the absence of significant contraindications and with the steady desire of the father, joint childbirth is quite possible.

What can a man do for his wife during childbirth:

Just to be around

In many cases, this is already a lot. Most women are calm when they know that there is a close person nearby who is most directly related to the new little man.

Pain and how to deal with it.

First of all, understanding that pain is not an annoying hindrance in childbirth, but a necessary condition for the birth of a new person, can help here.
If a man has a clear idea of ​​what exactly he can help and ease the labor pains a little, it will be much easier for him.

Pain Relief Massage:

Learning during pregnancy simple tricks, relieving the pain of the woman in labor. The instructors of the courses for pregnant women will provide you with all the information you need - they will name the necessary books (for example, Dick Reed "Childbirth without fear"). Special movements of a massage that relieves pain, special positions in which it is easier for a woman to experience contractions, the ability to prepare a drink that a wife loves - all this must be known in advance to a husband who is about to participate in the birth of his wife. After all, most men are people of action. For them, presence means participation. And inaction and ignorance of ways to help is a sharp knife.
Therefore, agree in advance on what you expect from your husband. If necessary, consult with a specialist. Doctors and psychologists will be able to educate the husband simple ways massage and tactics of behavior in childbirth.

Attempts and contractions - different stages of childbirth:

All of the above actions are appropriate at the stage of contractions. When childbirth enters the final stage and attempts begin, the situation and the condition of the woman change radically. It's like she's not quite there. Feelings of attempts can be prohibitive, and natural anesthesia changes the state of consciousness.
A professional obstetrician can do a lot for a woman in attempts, but in fact, a husband can do nothing. AND big question– whether he should be present at this moment in close proximity.
The initial stages of childbirth and the postpartum period do not raise such questions - there the presence of a husband nearby can give a lot to a married couple.
So maybe not be together, but somewhere very close. This may become the motto of joint childbirth.

If you feel that in these moments the presence of your husband is a burden to you:

Do not be shy and do not overpower yourself if you realize that the presence of your husband next to you is fettering, making you hold back too much.
For many women in the final stages of childbirth, the phase of "persecution of dads" begins. Agree in advance on conventional signs - gestures or words. It should be such a “stop signal” - if a woman gives it, the husband unconditionally and quickly leaves the “scene”. The main thing is that at this moment there should be no disputes and insults. Discuss in advance the possibility that you will change your mind at the last moment. A pregnant woman gets away with inconsistency easily.
Childbirth - especially the first one - is a completely new experience for a woman, and she cannot know what to expect from herself. It is extremely important for a woman to feel free during childbirth. If for some reason the presence of a husband prevents you from relaxing, you don’t have to overpower yourself.
This moment of unpredictability of desires and moods of the woman in labor.

The presence of the father in the postpartum period is an undeniable thing:

So, the presence at childbirth for a man is a very serious event and an experience of great power.
It is believed that the earliest possible tactile contact of the father with the baby contributes to the formation secure attachment. Fathers who held their newborn children in their arms are more closely involved in raising and caring for them. They are not afraid of the child and feel competent.
A man can do a lot for a wife who has just given birth. The presence of the pope in the postpartum ward makes the first days of the extended family from the hospital and medical period a joyful family event. A detailed conversation about the postpartum period in the life of the family is yet to come.

Printed in Lisa "My Baby" December 2008

... The ending was tragicomic. The happy father stumbled from experiences and fell from the height of the third floor right into the bushes. The newborn daughter then had to be held with a hand free of plaster. It's absolutely real story that happened in my city. It's good that everything worked out. And it is all the more remarkable that now the entrance to the maternity hospital is open to dads.

Anyone who wants to take birth with his wife can do this without any problems. Some problems may start after. There are couples for whom the experiment with joint births eventually led to divorce. Therefore, this issue must be approached thoughtfully. So, today we will chat on the topic: "Husband in childbirth: pros and cons."

Father is a "heroine"

Now the presence of childbirth has become fashionable. You must have heard dads brag about the fact that he and his wife “gave birth together.” For some, this is, if you like, such a small heroism. Well, given the subtle mental organization of males, this is really an act worthy of an honorary order.

Before considering all the pros and cons of a joint visit to the hospital, you need to remember that childbirth is not an entertainment event. Therefore, if the spouse just wanted “bread and circuses,” then it’s better to watch scientific videos on the Internet. If a man is driven not just by curiosity, but by a sincere desire to support his beloved and somehow alleviate her condition, then welcome to the hospital.

We weigh all the pros and cons and make a decision.

Breathe dear

Let's start by counting all per».

• Giving birth is no easy task. And sometimes it is almost more difficult for an unprepared person to observe this process than for a woman in labor herself. Therefore, many couples visit preparatory classes. Usually they are paid, but the result is worth it. Joint lectures and practical exercises bring spouses very close. They learn to breathe properly, push, massage. All this relieves anxiety in a woman and gives courage to the future dad. Relations after childbirth become more harmonious. After all, the father knows firsthand what it is like to bear and give birth to a baby.
• At the time of childbirth, a prepared dad is an indispensable assistant. Stroking his wife on the head, giving her a lower back massage, talking to her, he takes some of the pain on himself, relieves tension. “We can do everything, you are my smart girl, breathe, push,” the future father says in a calm voice. All this is only for the benefit of the woman and the baby, and the likelihood that something will go wrong is minimized. Of course, any man in the process can panic and, wringing his hands, start running around the ward and calling for help. Then it would be best to remove the dad so as not to disturb the woman in labor.
• When the baby has already “arrived” from the hospital to his home cradle, dad will probably not leave him for a minute. Bathe, clean the navel, change diapers, swaddle - he will cope with any mother's worries, except for breastfeeding. He went through childbirth (!), Is it possible to frighten him now with something? Fathers who did not “give birth” at first are afraid to even take the baby in their arms. “He is so tiny, what if I break something or dislocate him?” They argue. Therefore, plus the third is the acquired paternal instinct, which many have developed over the years.

horror for dads

Now " against". There will also be three.

• Despite external power and fortitude, men often weaken at the sight of things that shock them. And childbirth is a kind of shock too. A woman is revealed during them in all her nature, literally and figuratively. She is not made up, sweats, groans. And what is it like for a man to see discharge, blood, a “baby place” that has departed after childbirth? For some, this is scarier than horror movies. All this will be imprinted in the memory and subsequently may affect the intimate life. Disgust, rejection and coldness in sex - all these things can bring spouses to infidelity or divorce after partner childbirth.
• Men-alarmists in childbirth can faint. And then the medical staff will have to distract from the woman in labor, and pump out her husband. Childbirth doesn't always go smoothly. You have to make incisions, and even caesarean, so as not to ruin the baby. The cries and groans of the wife can affect the behavior of the spouse quite unexpectedly. Instead of comforting future mother, he may begin to get nervous, feeling helpless, panic, or even fall into a stupor. Well, what, tell me, from this benefit. After giving birth, such a man is sluggish and indifferent for some time. Well, still - he needs time to move away, to comprehend the experience.
• “I gave birth with my wife. Nothing is impossible for me, ”the proud father often thinks after a joint birth. Now he is not only a breadwinner, the head of the family, he can even give birth. And that means: be quiet, woman, I have been in the army and in the maternity hospital. In other words, respect for the main female "superpower" - the birth of a baby, after childbirth can come to naught. As they say, I was there, and I was not afraid, and in general, I could easily give birth myself, if I could. Although, seeing only the outer side of the torment of his wife, a man cannot feel even a share of the pain that she experiences. Sometimes childbirth must remain a sacrament, a mystery behind seven seals, which male gender cannot be disclosed.

The director himself

In conclusion, I will say that I have many examples before my eyes when joint birth benefited both spouses and vice versa. A girl gave birth with me at the same time. So she, feeling contractions, immediately called her husband. “And grab a camera,” she commanded. The unfortunate husband acted as a photographer and videographer.

So, after a couple of years, she showed me memorable photos from childbirth. “But a child’s place, and this is a piece of the umbilical cord, it’s my water that has broken,” she said enthusiastically. “And how are you and your husband?” I burst out. She shrugged. It turned out that the husband left for Moscow a year after the birth of his son, sometimes he sends gifts and money, but with ex-wife long time no contact.

There are also positive examples. There are many more. I know a couple large families. One already has five children! So dad witnessed the birth of each of the "five", and once even took birth at home. When I see how he and his wife walk arm in arm, and next to them the older children are carrying the younger ones in strollers, I involuntarily break into a smile of tenderness.

Joint childbirth can both bring together and alienate forever. Much depends on the relationship of the spouses before the birth of the child. Remember: a family on the verge of divorce will not be saved by the presence of the pope at the birth. Rather, the cold in the relationship will only get worse. Both of you should feel that you want to give birth together, that this is an important stage in family life that you will overcome together, and only then make a decision about partner birth.

Why am I talking and talking, you probably have your own interesting stories on this topic, funny or sad. So lay it out, and we will listen with pleasure, or rather, read it.