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Involvement of parents in the development of an eight-year-old child. Why the child does not obey and what to do about it? Child 8 years old problems

Preparations

As for the psychology of an 8-year-old child, there are significant features at this age. For the first time, the child's psyche manifests itself very clearly at the age of eight. Eight-year-olds begin to understand the difference between the sexes. Girls begin to learn to order better and become more tidy. Boys are more likely to be distracted, become less attentive in class.

Some aspects

An interesting aspect can be noted in the psychology of children of 8-9 years old: eight-year-old children begin to doubt the correctness of the actions of adults. Conflicts can often occur in the family due to the fact that the child read something in the book, and the parents provided him with different information, and this information is different from the information in the book. At this age, the opinions of teachers and parents may differ. As a result, the child's disobedience is observed. At the age of eight, the child's psyche is disturbed. Eight-year-old children are very emotional and rather unrestrained. Very often they find it difficult to solve a problem that seems very simple. To make things easier for the kids, teach them to be independent. However, this should be done slowly and very unobtrusively towards the baby.

Child motivation

Seven to eight years is a period of crisis. At the age of eight, the baby loses its childish naivety and spontaneity. In relation to those around him, he is no longer so direct. This process is very emotional. At the age of eight, there is a differentiation of the internal and external aspects of the personality of a preschooler.
It is very important to pay attention to the child's motivation. At the age of eight, new behavioral motives appear. The cognitive motive occupies a dominant role, it is he who encourages schoolchildren to go to school. At this age, schoolchildren have a motive in getting good grades, in social and public recognition. The cognitive motive is more developed in schoolchildren than in children who have not yet reached the age of six.

Boys and girls. What is the difference?

Regarding the psychology of children of eight or nine years of age, we can say that an eight-year-old child begins to distinguish between his two "I" - ideal and real. He has an understanding of who he wants to become and who he is today. Eight-year-olds evaluate themselves quite adequately; inflated self-esteem at this age is not observed. It can be seen that children at eight or nine years old began to do their homework more slowly. It will be interesting to know that it is easier to make a girl think in a lesson than a boy. Boys are more restless, it is more difficult for them to endure a static load in the classroom - as a result, they are incredibly noisy during breaks, and can violate discipline in the classroom. If the child was not accustomed to order before, then at the age of eight or nine years it becomes a little more difficult to do. Boys are less likely to pay attention to the condition of their clothes. They are more comfortable with the fact that their clothes are dirty or torn. Girls are very worried about the condition of their clothes.
As for the psychology of children aged 8-9 years, it can be noted that nine-year-old boys have a lack of responsibility. Unfortunately, they are not very interested in doing homework - they can simply forget about them. Also, little importance is attached to the grades obtained in school. It often happens that parents have to find out about their son's homework. Nine-year-old children have less developed accuracy, patience, perseverance and diligence.
This period is difficult in a child's life. In girls, there is some stability in relation to mood. Boys experience mood swings ranging from overconfidence to complete loss of self-confidence.
As for vocabulary, boys are leading here. They have much more of it.
This is due to the fact that in the vocabulary of girls there are more subject-evaluative words, and in the vocabulary of boys there are more words that convey actions.

Parents pay attention

Nine-year-old boys devote their free time to outdoor games and sports. Girls begin to like playing musical instruments and reading more. At the age of eight to nine years, the baby can be given to skiing, acrobatics or gymnastics. At this age, the baby needs his own assessments of the personal "I". When a child does something, do not rush to give assessments or express your own opinion. To begin with, the child must learn to independently perform as many actions as possible.
Parents will sometimes need to prompt, but, by and large, you need to teach the child self-esteem.
Talking with parents about their actions, the child begins to understand the essence of his inner "I".
Analysis of actions together with your child will lead to the fact that the baby will learn to preliminarily decompose the situation into components, he will learn to understand the consequences of his actions or inaction. Analyzing actions, the child will move from impulsive actions to conscious behavior, to self-education.
A nine-year-old child may become taciturn, may distance himself from his parents, and become secretive. The child is getting older and may be embarrassed that you pick him up from school. It is at the age of nine that one should show the child the importance of values.
Emphasize the transfer of spiritual, moral values. When a student communicates with his peers - he hears a lot, and he just needs to filter information - it is the parents who should become the source that will help to understand various, sometimes contradictory, information, situations, actions.
At this age, there is still an opportunity to make some changes in the upbringing of the student.
The child has grown older, he no longer goes to Kindergarten, he is considered an adult, they put some limits and conditions for his behavior - this causes difficulties at the age of eight to nine years. In addition, the child is constantly trying to understand how he should behave on the street, with relatives, at school, with friends. Often this period passes more calmly than other crisis years of the child.

Adaptation to school

Not always certain skills, such as the ability to count, read and write, make a child absolutely ready for school. It is very important to be psychologically adapted to the fact that now the child's life has changed radically. Try to make your child happy to go to school, ask him not only about grades, but also about his actions, friends, about what he read. A child is not only a schoolchild, it is, first of all, a constantly changing personality. If something does not work out for a child with objects, help him do tasks, solve examples. Explain how to do them and check the implementation. Such help will always be needed by the child. A child may study poorly, become more withdrawn only because he is afraid to make a mistake or is unsure of the correctness of his behavior at school. When a child is constantly criticized because of poor grades, then he becomes even more isolated in his failure. Help your child with those subjects where it is more difficult for him to understand, and praise him for his success in those subjects that he knows with brilliance. Praise plays a very strong role in further successful learning. Even when faced with seemingly intractable difficulties, the baby will internally know that he can cope with them, because the parents believe in him and will always help.

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In this article:

By 8 years old mental development the child already allows us to conclude: he is growing up quickly. Studying at school becomes one of the main tasks, the main activity.

Children may not like or love school at this age, but learning activities are a particularly important part of their lives. Now you will have to change your approach to education, because past methods no longer work on an adult.

Be sure to pay attention to what your student already knows how to do on his own. It is also necessary to scold and encourage him correctly. This is the time when your requests begin to be discussed. The child wants to know why you are asking him to do something, why right now, and not tomorrow or in the evening. This is another crisis period in the formation of personality. It's worth it just to wait it out. Establish boundaries for communication: they are needed now.

Psychology and development

At 8 years old, what psychologists call the “why” rebellion occurs. Now psychological development already allows a person to think about the reason for his own and others' actions. Children in this age, they really want to defend their interests, fight for independence. Their parents were also like that at one time, so this is not some kind of feature specifically for your son or daughter. You can’t go on about it, but it’s also wrong to leave the conflict without a solution.

There is nothing wrong with a child's new independence. This is an inevitable stage of development that you will go through together. It is best if you learn to set boundaries, to show: “this is possible, but this is no longer possible.” Now the best parenting tactic is your correct calculation of the situation.. Somewhere you can give in and you will not lose anything, but somewhere you need to follow common sense. It will be a "battle" where sometimes parents can lose. This will only benefit the children.

What should a child be able to do?

If at the age of 7 the mother folded the portfolio in front of the school, then at the age of 8 the child should already deal with all school affairs himself. Parents need to ensure that he is as independent as possible. At this age, it is imperative that:


You can no longer postpone. Children very quickly get used to some kind of lifestyle, attitude. If he only prepares homework, and everything else is done by mom, pa pa, grandmothers, then the child will very quickly learn to live that way. Without responsibility at this age, the psyche develops worse, since there is no incentive for logical and situational thinking.

Very
it is useful at this age to additionally engage in languages, sports, music. Here the main rule is that the child should like classes and not overload him. The load at school is not so great, but children need time to relax and play. If after school every day will be homework, and also visiting sections, then there will be no time for rest. This is the wrong approach. Circles and sections can be visited so far 2-3 times a week.

It's hard to sleep

The rule "will be more tired - fall asleep faster" does not work for children. Their nervous system different from adults. Mom and dad work all day, get tired, and quickly fall asleep in the evening, but your student does not live according to such a program. Yes,
physical activity helps him relieve stress. For this, an evening walk on fresh air. The child may have many experiences, questions - they torture him and do not let him sleep.

Establish trusting relationships: communicate, talk, decide together problem situations. If you suggest a solution, then it will be much easier for the baby to fall asleep in the evening. If he does not have the opportunity to talk with you, then thoughts will torment him. But many school problems and worries can be resolved by simply talking to parents.

Games

The age of 8 years is the time when there is an active development of the psyche and intellect. But that doesn't mean that
schoolchildren do not need games and toys. The main thing now is to give them the opportunity to play in peace, without insisting that it is "for little ones". During the game, children 7-8 years old model ordinary life situations find solutions. This is a great motivation for the development of the psyche, because you need to solve situational problems, find a way out of different situations yourself. During the game, many talents of the child are manifested.

Schooling

Now this is the main activity of the younger student. Education and development are becoming
main topics of conversation excitement and desire. Now many schoolchildren are very concerned about their grades, the praise of the teacher. This situation does not always last long. Many excellent students in elementary school become indifferent to their studies in the future.. Maintaining interest is the task of not only teachers, but also parents.

There is a lot of talk these days about how the grading system isn't the best. The child spends more energy not on learning, but on getting an "A" or not getting a "Two". The very goal of education is misplaced. Many children answer the question “why are you studying?” So:

To
parents did not scold.

Because everyone is learning.

To get fives.

Unfortunately, if the teacher did not explain to them the meaning of the process, then they think so. Such study does not bring any special results, and knowledge is forgotten after a few weeks or after the holidays. The main task of parents and teachers is to interest.

Don't demand "to be an adult"

There is a gradual maturation and development of children. There is no need to demand that it happen faster. At your neighbor does a kid at 8 years old already know 2 languages, read books every day and win at the olympiads? You should not put him as an unattainable example to your child who loves cartoons, does not always cope with mathematics and dreams of superheroes. All children develop individually. In addition, they can be successful in completely different areas. For example, if you dislike math, your child is good at drawing, talented with technique, or a good athlete.

Demanding to discard toys, games, children's activities and focus only on learning is the wrong approach.
At 8 years old, children themselves understand that they are growing up. Their interests are gradually changing. For example, a child may suddenly become interested in modern music, or choose a certain field of knowledge and want to deal only with it. Parents often draw an ideal development plan in their heads. However, the ideal does not happen simply because your child is alive, with his own interests, desires, and opportunities. Give him time to sort himself out.

Upbringing

Education is good, but education also needs to be dealt with. Your student still has a program in his head: if you want something, then we cry, because you can get everything with hysteria. It's time to wean him off of it. This behavior is manipulative., and parents will be very sorry if they do not stop him immediately.

Behavioral Features

At the same age, at the age of 8, a not very pleasant time of personal self-affirmation of the child begins. Previously, parents asked to do something, and the son or daughter fulfilled the request. Now the question “why?” may arise. So, maybe: “why make the bed, I’ll be back from school and get some more sleep”, “why wash the dishes now, you can wash it tomorrow”, “why should I constantly walk the dog, you can too”. Here you need to be understanding. Your explanations will not bring much result, a "smart" child will find another 1000 arguments.

The child must be framed behavior. For example, in public, at a party, in a store, arguing and starting “why…” is unacceptable. You just need to do as mom or dad asks. He himself subconsciously seeks these frameworks, needs them. Punish the student in the same way as they punished him before ( scream, angle, slap on the pope) is now meaningless. It’s better to calmly explain that if the parents’ request is not fulfilled, this and that will follow (pick up the phone, you won’t be able to turn on the TV, walk).

To defend their interests, the baby may begin to carry out your order very slowly or poorly. Don't just leave it like that. Follow the implementation, make it redo if done poorly. For a child, this is also a difficult experience. After all, he himself already understands a lot, even your actions, but still completely depends on you. At the age of 8 there is a normal process of maturation of the psyche. You'll have to be patient a little.

How to punish and reward

Here you need to understand: from the kids that your son or daughter
were before, they are already turning into quite adult people. Your screams, insults will not stop them from wanting or not wanting to do something. On the contrary, it is a shame for a growing person.. They may already understand that there is nothing concrete behind your insult. With a child of 8 years, it is better to speak in detail. Explain to him what you want, what will happen if he refuses to fulfill the request or order.

Sometimes it pays to compromise. If your student eats normally, but does not eat cucumbers, is this such a disaster? You probably have a set of foods that you do not like, and you do not eat them. Instead of fighting for cucumbers, put other vegetables in the salad for him. Or even offer him to cook his own salad, since the whole family eats and loves cucumbers.

Development of the psyche
very advanced in the first 2-3 years at school. Now it is no longer possible to punish a child in the same way as 3-4 years ago. This can create complexes for him. It is best to leave punishments for the home, and on the street, in front of friends or teachers, do nothing of the kind. This is no longer a kid who does not remember his bad deed.

If you scold and punish, then you need to encourage. From the age of 8, you can already give your child some personal money. A little cash encouragement won't hurt him. But there is no need to "play" with it, giving money, and then taking it away for bad behavior or studies. This will only lead to distrust of the child and increased secrecy.

Conversation with a child

Try to solve all problems by talking. Proper development of a child is impossible without the support of parents. He should see you not as an enemy from whom you need to hide your thoughts, activities and things, but as his beloved parent and friend. For this, be patient. It's not easy watching your baby grow up. Yes, he becomes independent, no longer needs any advice. , however, your confidential conversations are useful to both of you.

So you can find out what he really is, your child. After all, he has changed a lot over the past 2-3 years that he has been at school. If you become not only a strict parent, but also a friend to him, this will solve a lot of problems. V difficult situation he will always turn to you, and will not start looking for some dubious way out.

Eight-year-old children are already schoolchildren, but are still in transition period. At this time, they experience their second crisis of personality formation, which is accompanied by tantrums, aggressive behavior, first deceptions and disobedience. This is a very important stage in which parents need to help their children survive all the difficulties without withdrawing into themselves and without moving away from the family.

Causes of child aggression

What to do if a child of 8 years old has aggression? How to deal with such behavior and is it necessary to fight?

essence aggressive behavior in attack. Such behavior is sudden, like an attack, not structured and brings discomfort to both the attacking schoolchild and the “injured” adult.

Causes of aggression range from physical illness to the psychological climate in the family.

It is very important to properly respond to the child's aggression. There are two options for the reaction - to be condescending, calmly explain to your child what he is wrong in, and make out the reason for his antics, or be strict. The second option should be used for completely inadequate behavior. At the same time, you cannot become aggressive yourself. This will form the wrong model of behavior in the son or daughter, which he will take out of the family into life.

What to do if the child often hysteria?

Hysterical behavior can manifest itself in children through screams, screams, tears. For parents, a tantrum is always a signal that their child is tired and needs rest. The main thing is to respond correctly to the first tantrums so that such behavior does not become a habit for the baby. When a child is in an excited state, the main thing for parents is to remain calm, in this the baby will see their strength and realize his wrong behavior.

If the parents do not react at all to the hysterical behavior of the student, it may become more regular - it is important for the baby to attract the attention of mom and dad.

If adults choose the simplest way to stop tantrums - they fulfill any children's desire, then very soon the student will begin to manipulate his loved ones with such behavior.

Naughty child 8 years old: what should parents do?

Usually naughty children are hyperactive, difficult to keep track of, and they need vigilant control. At the age of 8, schoolchildren go through a second age crisis and it is important to understand that this is a stage in the development of the individual and one must be able to be condescending to disobedience. In order to somehow limit the behavior of the baby, it is desirable to establish clear rules for everyday life, daily routine and family rituals. Entrust your child with some small tasks that seem important to him so that he can feel like an adult and responsible. These measures are usually very effective.

How to solve the problem of children's lies?

If you understand that the child began to deceive you often, you need to think about why he does this. Some kind of disharmony has definitely appeared in his world, and it is important to eliminate its cause. Do not yell at your child, try to gently find out what the problem is, show the baby that he can trust you. Create conditions in which a daughter or son will not be afraid to tell the truth. Perhaps before that you used too harsh punishments, then they need to be reconsidered.

Very often, children of this age lie for no reason, they simply pass off their fantasies as reality. In this case, he is in no hurry to punish the student, direct his imagination in the right direction. For example, start writing down children's fairy tales.

How to respond to child theft?

Confusion, panic and the desire to punish - the first thing that happens to parents who find out that their baby has appropriated someone else's thing.

Remember that you should not call your child a thief, do not compare him with other children, do not discuss his theft with strangers in front of him, do not threaten the student. Explain that stealing is bad. It can lead to the loss of friends, and is very frustrating for you. There is no need to shout, but it is important to clearly demonstrate that you need to pay for other people's things. Firstly, the stolen thing must be given back, and secondly, the student must be assigned a working off so that he realizes that things get for work and other people's things cannot be touched without permission.

A year of schooling (or entering school in the 8th year of life), a change in the physiology of the body, daily routine, fear (being late for a lesson, not completing work on time, incorrectly solving a task, not meeting the requirements of parents, teachers, etc. ) could lead to the child began to increase anxiety, to appear insecure in their work (study), behavior changes, nervousness, drowsiness, etc. appear.

The kid is trying to get answers to various questions that are not related to any event or to everyday life:

  • how celestial bodies came into being;
  • how they live in other cities;
  • questions about what they saw in the movies;
  • relations between relatives, etc.

There are so-called "anxious mood properties":

  1. Experiences are comprehended by the child.
  2. He comprehends the meaning of the phrases: “I am happy”, “I am sad”, “I am angry”, etc. and understands them, generalizing, synthesizing, making some conclusions, giving himself an assessment and thereby building an attitude towards himself.
  3. You may end up feeling nervous about it.

All of the above could serve as conditions for the emergence of a crisis.

How to help a child overcome a crisis?

  1. Consistency in requirements is a must- The child needs to be sure that he is good.
  2. Help in self-assessment, his misdeeds, merits, so that the baby believes in himself and sees his prospects.
  3. Show your love every way: cuddle more often, say gentle words.
  4. Make him an essential helper(Let his role be small, but necessary). Convince him of this.
  5. Get busy with your child manual labor , while interrupting for musical minutes, physical exercise, get things done.
  6. Spend as much time together as possible.
  7. Necessarily share your impressions from what you have done, what you see, listen carefully to your baby.

Do's and Don'ts

Despite the crisis, your child is developing normally. However, there are conditions that must be met.

Can:

  • at home, show a friendly attitude towards each other;
  • try to help him comprehend an important mission - to be a student;
  • if misunderstanding has reached the limit - spend some time apart;
  • more fun and joy in contact with the baby;
  • only a positive assessment of the person and affairs;
  • before going to bed - calm conversation, singing, reading, analysis of the day;
  • communicate as with an adult, listen to his words, work out a program for the next day together;
  • engage in unraveling various situations that will help in developing the child's acceptance of his own independent resolution of the situation and self-control.

The turning point (crisis) is difficult for both you and your 8-year-old student. But, guided by advice and love for your baby, you will be able to endure an unfavorable moment in your life together.

It is forbidden:

  • do not set unsolvable and unbearable goals and tasks for the student;
  • do not put pressure on the child with your authority;
  • do not speak in an imperative and unquestioning tone;
  • do not seek to punish the way he behaves, that he does not want to attend school at a certain period;
  • do not humiliate, do not underestimate his assessment of yourself;
  • do not underestimate the authority of the teacher.

The crisis of the age of eight dictates the specific nature of the relationship with parents:

  • task specifics, which are placed in front of the child, first for a short time, then - long-term goals;
  • constant monitoring of the implementation of the planned;
  • always be ready come to the aid of your child;
  • teach a child safe behavior in life, the ability to use the assets of the existing reality;
  • Help a schoolboy to love himself and his work;
  • when communicating be interested in his feelings and experiences;
  • participate in his search for himself giving all the tenderness and affection that they are capable of;
  • the most important thing - be able to realistically assess the actions of an eight-year-old.

Cognition of the surrounding world and oneself leads to the emergence of many questions, problems and related experiences and anxieties, which results in the so-called crisis periods in the development of the child.

Exactly during this period, almost his entire life can change: physiology, behavior, worldview, opportunities, relationships with others, etc. due to the loss of naivety and spontaneity and the emergence of the need for personal development based on real self-esteem, understanding one's role in the world: “wished - understood - fulfilled”.

This process is called a crisis or a turn. when the old is completely destroyed, and the new is frightening. When it comes, when it ends, how difficult it will be is a matter of time and the mental state of the child.

Careful and analytical observation of the student will help to determine if there is a crisis, to see its signs. But how to overcome it, you need to follow the advice from the article.

But at the same time, it is important to remember - this is already a person., which forms its own view of the surrounding reality, of itself and others. And she needs help and understanding, attention and self-realization.

In our time, the little man is trying to hastily enter the world of adults. Therefore, 7-9-year-old children often have heroes they want to be like, while taking both the bad and the good from them.

So maybe you will become this hero for your already adult, in his opinion, baby?