When Viktor Ediger answers questions during group analytical conversations, one immediately draws attention to his ability to quickly diagnose a deep-seated human problem. Sometimes it is clear on the basis of what words of the interlocutor the psychologist made this or that conclusion. Sometimes it's a mystery, but the conclusion is still correct afterwards. Once, seeing that I could not trace his logical chain in any way, Victor remarked: "Analysis cannot be based only on logic, intuition is involved here."... Such a combination of analyticity and flair, helping each other, is probably a sign of any good psychologist. It's just that Victor has them in some happy proportions.

However, this brilliance, in my opinion, would not be of particular value if it were not for another quality of the psychologist, which is most felt not at the stage of diagnosis, but at the stage when Ediger gives an assignment to the person who turns to him. This quality is respect. Respect, the degree and level of which is not immediately revealed. For Victor, his interlocutor is not a creature distorted by a problem that needs to be cleansed from like a scab, but a unique creature, something very necessary in this world. The problem with this view turns out to be useful for the development of a person, precious for the disclosure of his potential. Victor tells how to handle this gift so as not to go with it, unopened and aggravated, vicious circle... And it often gives a difficult, but always feasible task.

To be able to occupy such a metaposition, so to contemplate the outlines of a person's spiritual path, the psychoanalyst periodically must feel in himself at least a particle of the deity, who, as you know, knows all the paths. I think that the divine is in everyone, but not everyone is capable of the right moment turn to that part of your personality. Victor is one of those people who can do this.

- You once said that there is no non-reciprocal love. Why? After all, each of life experience can give an example of an unrequited feeling. What did you mean?

- I at one time deeply researched this issue. Interest in a person is always mutual, just not everyone can afford to reciprocate - for various reasons: someone is held back by obligations, someone is held back by prejudices, someone is afraid to take responsibility for the consequences of a relationship, and someone is encapsulated like this, that he cannot even admit to himself the reciprocal feeling. In the latter case, you just have to dig a little deeper - and this feeling is revealed.

For example, a man leaves a woman, bewildered by some attitudes of the society around him (for example, because she has grown fat and does not meet model standards), but in reality it turns out that the relationship is not exhausted, and he needs this woman. After all, it is with her that some important aspects of it are revealed. Love is always mutual, it's just that people's paths to each other are different, and not always equally clear and open.

- If one person loves another, someone who seems indifferent to him, or is already in some kind of relationship, then you need to admit this feeling?

- Certainly. You cannot know what is going on inside the one you like so much. Let him know about your sympathy, and then we'll see. Give him a choice.

- Once I loved an unfree man and did not dare to admit it to him, because he adored his wife, and this relationship seemed so sacred to me that my feeling seemed treacherous to me. I disappeared from this person's field of vision for a long time, everything burned out in me. And then I found out that a year after the idyllic family life they broke up. And I thought that God knows what this person would do in a year if he knew what I was experiencing. Moreover, he clearly sympathized with me. Is this an apt illustration of what you are talking about?

- Yes, it is quite.

- I remember your reasoning about the speculative concept of "loyalty". You said: “If a person loves a partner and wants to be with him, then what does loyalty have to do with it? is called loyalty? Who would want such a "faithful" partner? " My question is about betrayal. What is, from your point of view, betrayal in a relationship?

- The concept of "betrayal" exists only in interdependent (even if they are still mutually beneficial) relations of unfree people. Not free to take responsibility for themselves and make their own choice. In this case, people call a betrayal of a person's actions that do not meet the expectations of his partner.

In mature relationships, a change in behavior, even without warning, is perceived as a subject for dialogue, finding out the reason (if there is a need or interest) and deciding on further relationships. And in an interdependent relationship between a man and a woman, the end of the expected monopoly on access to the partner's genitals is considered a betrayal.

— How do you understand the development in a pair?

- Development, if you look at it, is always individual. The task of a person is to reveal some new possibilities, facets, worlds in oneself, in order to perceive life in a wider spectrum. He is not yet so self-sufficient as to do it on his own, without the help of other people. Society provokes the disclosure of human potential with its pluralism, variety of forms. Of course, he chooses from the world revealed in himself that which is closer to him in psychophysiological and spiritual characteristics and continues his development, accordingly developing these qualities in the relevant areas: culture, science, applied affairs, etc.. And the beloved (I’m talking about pair relationships) is the most conducive to the person's opening up and accepting what he could not accept before. A beloved is a more subtle, individually selected instrument.

Development in a couple is, ideally, acceptance in oneself, or at least a search for ways to accept what is not satisfactory in a partner and results in the form of claims against him.

- Now I have a feeling that the conversation is being conducted by you from too high positions. From the point of view of some kind of Buddha. But I am not a Buddha, and what should I do, say, with the feeling that I have been abandoned, betrayed, or with the feeling that I am betraying someone if I do what I want? I am not so developed and self-sufficient as to be outside of this. How to be an ordinary person?

- I answered from two positions: as you put it, the Buddha and the person are also still dependent. More often I stay in the second position, and I receive the first as a gift. I am content with such schizophrenia. The main thing in my answer is still "at leastSearchways of accepting what the partner does not like and pours out in the form of claims. "It is difficult to accept, this is a special process: inertia does not allow protest, love and sympathy help. The main thing is that the process should be at the expense of oneself, not the partner. from my point of view, to say: "What a nonsense he is, he never rushes anywhere, how can he learn mobility in life ...", or better: "HowMededuces his slowness and equanimity ... Whatto meto do in order to understand what positive side can be hidden in these qualities? "Etc. This is an individual development, albeit in a pair.

As for the "imperfect feelings" of an ordinary person ... It is important to begin with understanding that this isYoursreaction to the actions of a partner. When understanding comes, and better awareness, then in any case, you will grow, become mature, and gradually a different attitude appears to your reactions to offenses, and the reactions themselves gradually change..

- From your point of view, is it possible to upgrade in pairs? It is the plot of many "family" films: the relationship between husband and wife seems to have exhausted themselves, their life is emasculated, but some event happens - and in the finale, a situation called "I looked at my husband with different eyes." And then - a new happy life with the same composition of the family.

- No, the reboot is also always individual and experienced alone. And in these pairs, after “I looked at my husband with different eyes,” there is then so much hidden, “forgotten” pain, so much that is difficult to talk about, that is, so much that is not accepted that there is no need to talk about a mature relationship. I have come across this more than once. It is possible to resume the relationship if the couple broke up for at least two years and then reunited. This has happened. But this will not be the renewal of the relationship of former people - two new people will meet. And many things will be different for them.

- Can you name the criteria that indicate: the relationship needs to be terminated, then there will be only attenuation - degradation?

- It is impossible to end a relationship as long as there is a strong, not indifferent reaction to a partner, even if he is physically absent. Degradation or destruction occurs in the absence of work on their reactions to the actions of a partner, and energy is directed towards claims or attempts to change a partner. Therefore, I recommend stopping external relations after repeated (3-5) unsuccessful attempts to work on yourself.

- You said that after parting, in no case do you recommend looking for another partner based on the feeling of loss. I understand why: using the other as an analgin is futile. But a person in such states is cunning and tries to convince himself that the pain of loss has passed. What markers can you point out that would say that now you can already think about your personal life? And I would also like your recommendations on behavior during the loss of a partner (departure or death), especially in the first few weeks. What is the most sustainable way to deal with this pain?

- After parting, when the relationship is really terminated, the person ceases to feel complaints about the former partner, moreover, he feels sincere gratitude to him. Not afraid or eager to meet with him. If you have a lot of complaints, it means that the relationship, despite the absence of a partner, continues.

After the loss of a loved one, you need to consciously devote 10-20 percent of the time of day to meditation of suffering, despondency, realizing that this is normal reaction... That is, you need to consciously sit down and suffer, cry, go through old photos, etc. Gradually, the accumulated pain will be washed out of the body (this will take from two weeks to six months), and you will be left with valuable experience for later life.

And to pretend that nothing happened is to drive the suffering deep into the depths. In addition, they will still break through, and then you will be stormy without your participation and much more severely.

If a person does not work on feelings after separation, then it is simply not recommended to seek or allow an obviously dependent relationship for two years.

- Does this mean that two years do not look for any relationship at all? Well, it turns out that they will still be dependent, whatever.

- Allowed various forms relationships, but if you find falling in love, you should protect your partner from yourself.

— To prevent painful "sticking"?

— Yes.

— I wonder what you personally still cannot accept in yourself?

-It is still not easy for me to accept a rebel within me who is arguing with society. Therefore, he, poor fellow, pops up at every step - where necessary and not necessary ..

- What small (or big) spiritual discovery you are into Lately made for themselves, to what internally valuable conclusion did you come?

— Everything has its time.

— V last years you are interested in photography. What does this hobby mean to you?

— Yes, I photograph me too. For me, this is another method of development, such phototherapy is meditation, where I learn to experiment. The formats and templates of my psyche immediately appear there. In addition, you can track the reaction of others by changing photos on social networks, this helps to change opinions about yourself and accept all this.

- What processes (or tendencies) taking place in modern society please you? What do you particularly welcome?

- I welcome the manifestation and approval of completely different and even opposite concepts in everything: opinions, behavior, creativity, everyday life, relationships, science and near-science, politics ... After all, this is what leads to the acceptance of all aspects of life, and only after this acceptance there is an opportunity to find and realize myself.

Always present as a bright and pure feeling, forgetting about what she can bring negative emotions and even pain.

For example, if you have unrequited love: what to do in this case?

Unrequited love - what does it mean?

Everyone has experienced unrequited love at least once.

In this feeling there is hope for possible reciprocity, a great desire to be with a specific person, pain from unrequited feelings, unwillingness to move on.

Some people experience this feeling for years. At the same time, they themselves understand the hopelessness of their situation and even make some attempts to destroy this connection, but, most often, they remain unsuccessful.

What if you fell in love with a married man? Find out about it from ours.

Psychology and causes

The first thing to understand is feeling unhealthy. And the longer it goes on, the worse it gets for you.

What's the problem with unrequited love?

At the same time, a person most often does not notice himself when he steps on this path. He is as if in oblivion.

In this state, it can take a long time before the individual realizes his problem and will at least begin to make some attempts to break out of this vicious circle.

Why do I always fall in love unrequitedly?

So why is your love often not mutual?

How to deal with unrequited love for a girl?

Fell in love with a girl, but she did not reciprocate? What to do in such a situation?

How to live on?

It is very difficult to live with unrequited love. It's like a void has formed in your heart and it seems that only this person can fill it... But actually it is not.

First of all, you need to admit to yourself that you are in the shackles of unrequited love. She enslaved you and regularly wears you out.

Try to distract yourself or change your environment. Do not delve into yourself all day trying to understand what is wrong with you and why he does not love you. Open up to change. Bring something new to life or change it drastically.

Anyway, start already living, and not existing in the shadow of this person. Look for new emotions and impressions, expand your social circle.

Try to make sure that you no free time left... Devote it to your work or hobbies.

Switching to other activities helps to forget unrequited feelings.

Ask for help... Your friends or family can help you cope with this problem.

But if you feel that the situation is out of control, do not be afraid to see a psychologist. A technician will help you understand the problem and fix it.

Which is better: to love or to be loved? find out right now.

Books

Artworks about unhappy love:

• Gone with the Wind M. Mitchell;
• V. Nabokov "Lolita";
• G.G. Marquez "Love in a Time of Plague";
• J. Fowles "The Collector";
• E. Bronte "Wuthering Heights".

Psychology:

• I. Yalom "Treatment for love and other psychotherapeutic novels";
• Dean K. Delice, K. Phillips. “The paradox of passion: she loves him, but he does not.”;
• I. Korchagin "How to survive unhappy love";
• M. Litvak “4 kinds of love”;
• Leil Lowndes “How to make anyone fall in love with you. A short theoretical course and the most complete practical guide on the psychology of romantic love ”.

Unrequited love is not the most pleasant feeling often destructive who suffers from it. But it is possible and even necessary to fight against it.

Non-reciprocal love: what to do? The main mistakes in a situation of unrequited love:

Everyone knows that love is something beautiful, so it is very pleasant when this feeling is with someone to share. It is good if the lovers are happy together, but there is also unrequited love, what to do in this case?

Unrequited "love" can be understood as different situations:

• When a person has feelings for someone, but in return does not receive the slightest hint of reciprocity, when the other makes it clear that he does not feel reciprocal feelings.
• When someone who is in love receives from another “ double bills"(He stretches and says that he loves - then he rejects, then he leaves - then he returns), due to the contradictions in his behavior, it is difficult to understand how he really relates to the person in love with him.
• When the other does not even know that they are in love with him (i.e. when it is not known whether there is reciprocity).

If you are experiencing an unrequited feeling, then it is important to determine what type of situation is in your case.

What is unrequited love?

Each story of non-reciprocal "love" is unique. But there are several often recurring scenarios of unrequited love:

1. When a person is not free - when the "object" of love already has a relationship or serious feelings for someone else. For example, when a girl is in love and periodically meets a married man. Or, when a guy is in love with a girl who “goes crazy” for his friend, etc.
2. When someone who is unrequitedly in love is not free - that is, when a person has a relationship, but he is in love not with his partner, but with some other person.
3. Love at a distance - when the one with whom a person is in love does not even know that they are in love with him, when a person observes the object of his love from afar, without entering into any relationship with him.
4. Nonreciprocity in a relationship is when a person experiences unrequited feelings for his partner or husband, that is, for the person with whom he is in a relationship.
5. When the other person is not ready for a closer relationship - when the object of falling in love maintains a relationship with the person in love with him, but does not want to close the distance. For example, he is in love with her, but for her he is just a friend. Or he only wants sexual relations with her, and she wants a family with him. Or a man is a freedom-loving womanizer, and wants to date several women, but she is in love with him and hopes that he will only stay with her, etc.

The source of unrequited "love"

Unrequited "love" in our life does not arise by chance. There are certain reasons that lead us to an unconscious choice of nonreciprocity. What are these reasons:

1) - which way we build our love relationship depends on what we saw in our childhood. If our parents did not have reciprocity in a relationship, or our mom or dad did not give us the feeling that they love us, then there is a big risk that we will have an unconscious scenario of non-reciprocity in love. And then in the future we can again and again live a situation where we love, but we do not.

2) - when a person has experienced a lot of pain in a relationship with significant people, he begins to be afraid to let other people close to him. And then, subsequently, unrequited love serves as a kind of protection for such a person from real, close relationships.

Due to the fact that the other does not reciprocate, he has the opportunity not to let him close to him. And also not to start other relationships that could become close. After all, while he is in love and hopes for reciprocity, he is not up to building new relationships.

3) Lack of a sense of self-worth - when a person in childhood did not have a feeling that he is "good", that everything is in order with him, that he is worthy of love, that he is valuable in himself, and not for some of his achievements , then in the future he does not trust those who appreciate and love him just like that. But he treats well those who do not reciprocate and encourages them to deserve their love. Deep within himself, he considers such people safe, because they broadcast to him what he himself believes in - that he is not worthy of love.

4) Psychological trauma in the early childhood- that is, various painful situations that prevent the child from going through important stages of growing up - the formation of attachment and the subsequent separation from the parents.

If something went wrong at these stages of development, then the child does not go through these stages. He develops codependency or counterdependence, which remains with him for life. That is, subsequently he either becomes too attached to people, thus trying to relive the stage of attachment with his mother. Or, on the contrary, it too defends its independence and independence, trying to re-live the separation.

People with codependency and counterdependence, instead of building adult mutual relationships, try to finish what was not completed in childhood. They can build relationships according to the scenario "one escapes from the relationship, and the other catches up with him." And just this "catch-up" who craves affection, can perceive his situation as unrequited love.

5) The habit of loneliness - in a relationship where there is no reciprocity, there is always a feeling total loneliness... And when a person from childhood is accustomed to feeling lonely for some reason (parents worked a lot, often left one, etc.), then he subsequently strives to experience again and again what he was used to. And then, in order to feel his usual loneliness, he can choose for himself such a relationship where there is no other person in fact.

6) Unrealistic ideas about relationships - when a person expects from a relationship something special, magical, not like everyone else. He wants to see next to him not a mere mortal with his own shortcomings and advantages, but an ideal partner. And then falling in love with someone unattainable and fantasizing that he has some special, outstanding qualities - an opportunity for such a person not to face reality.

What do you need to know about unrequited "love"?

• Unrequited love in a person's life, as a rule, is a recurring thing. That is, if you once fell in love unrequitedly, that is, approximately 80%, that it will happen again. This proves that unrequited love is not an accident.
• There are some myths and beliefs that support unrequited love. For example, such: “Love must be deserved”, “My love is enough for both of us”, “Love happens only once in a lifetime”, “I am not worthy of love”, “Everyone must find their soul mate”, “ True love happens at first sight. " If you have such attitudes, then they can lead you to unrequited love or feed you this feeling.
• Often people who are not mutually in love endow this feeling with some kind of magic, consider it to be something special. But it is important to understand that this is not magic, not magic. There is nothing special about unrequited love.

• The most common age for unrequited love is 14-25. V young age people often experience non-reciprocal feelings. But for many, unrequited "love" becomes habitual, i.e. no longer an isolated incident, but a recurring scenario. And then, regardless of his age, a person unconsciously chooses just this type of "love" for himself.

Whom do you really love when you “love” unrequitedly?

For the development of love, it is necessary that the other person be next to us, so that we recognize and get to know who a person really is, what he is in reality. And love at such a distance, at which people are, if there is no reciprocity, is impossible. It is only possible to fall in love with the image of another person, which we feed ourselves with our fantasies.

Therefore, when you “love” unrequitedly, you do not love the person himself, but your idealized picture of him.

Also if internal cause your unrequited love is that you did not feel loved or loved by your parent, then in those people with whom you are in love, in the depths of your soul you see not themselves, but your parents. That is, you unconsciously transfer the image of your parent to these people.

And in trying to get them to respond, you really want your parents to love you. And the person you are in love with is interesting to you only because he does not reciprocate. Thus, giving you the opportunity to act out with him the usual scenario of rejection.

What good does unrequited love give you?

Every problem we have is something we need for something. With its help we get some advantages and benefits for ourselves. This is what our problems are based on.

What good and valuable things unrequited love can give us:

1. With the help of unrequited love, you can avoid relationships and the discomfort and risks that they have (the need to consult with someone, look for a compromise, frightening rapprochement, etc.).
2. You can live in fantasies without facing the unpleasant side of reality, with the shortcomings of the person with whom you are in love.
3. Unrequited love gives strong emotions, vivid experiences. This mental suffering gives a person the opportunity to feel alive and live emotionally richly. Mutual relationships are calmer and do not provide such strong emotions as non-reciprocal ones.
4. Unrequited love resolves the inner conflict between fear of being alone and fear of relationship. That on the one hand, a person creates for himself the feeling that he is not alone, since he has love. But on the other, he has no relationship, because the other does not reciprocate.
5. With the help of unrequited love, a person "suffers" and receives support and attention from his environment.
6. A person, hoping for reciprocity, lives in anticipation of it. He has a joyful feeling, akin to waiting before a holiday. And there is a purpose and meaning in life.

Is it possible to “share” non-reciprocal love? What if you are unrequitedly in love?

1) If you have identified the first type of situation in yourself, that the other person made it clear to you that he does not feel reciprocal feelings towards you, then in this case it is no longer possible to “share” the unrequited “love”.

There are often situations when a person in love unrequitedly believes that if he tries, he can earn love. Thus, he defends himself from the painful reality that the other person does not love him, and nothing can be done about it. It is easier for him to think that the problem is in himself, that if he starts doing something differently, the object of his love will reciprocate.

Such an illusion is dangerous in that it does not give an unrequited person in love an opportunity to experience the fact that he has been rejected, to burn off it and move on. Because of her, he cannot let go of the one with whom he is unrequitedly in love, until he has tried everything to achieve it.

It is important to understand that if the other person really denied you reciprocal feelings, then all attempts to manipulate him to “make” him fall in love with you is already violence against him. As much as it hurts, but in this case it is better to admit the fact that this special person doesn't want to be with you. And experience the pain that follows.

2) If you have identified in yourself a situation of unrequited love, when another person gives you “double messages” and it is difficult for you to understand whether your partner has reciprocal feelings for you, then you have two ways:

• Talk frankly with the person you are in love with. Talk about your feelings and ask what he wants you, what kind of relationship he is ready to offer you. And based on the results of your conversation with him, determine what to do next.
• If your conversation does not clarify anything for you, then decide for yourself how long you are ready to wait for reciprocity from this person. Maybe another month, three months or six months? Decide on a specific date when you stop waiting. Be sure to write down this date for yourself so that you can see it from time to time. And if after this date, the situation does not change, then do everything possible to end this relationship and free yourself from your hope for the reciprocity of this person.

3) If you have the third type of situation, when the other person does not even suspect that you are in love with him, then you have a chance that your feelings are mutual. Then you can try to take the initiative in communicating with him, to interest him in something, or even confess your feelings, if you feel like it.

But here it is important to understand that if the one for whom you have feelings is in love with someone else, or he has a marriage, a love relationship, then think many times, do you need it ?! After all, even if a person responds to your feelings, he can invite you to his " love triangle”Without ending any relationship with you, or with your partner or partner.

The same applies if you are in a relationship and you are not in love with your partner.

What if unrequited love is often repeated in your life?

1. Try to find something in common between those with whom you were unrequitedly in love, some common feature, characteristic, habit in behavior. This is the hook that you "got hooked on" and, most likely, will "get hooked" when choosing partners.
2. Think what is good for you in the fact that you fall in love unrequitedly, what is valuable for you in this way.
3. If you want to learn how to build mutual relationships, then seek help from a psychologist - or from another specialist. The psychologist will help you gain new experiences, thanks to which you will be able to "get out" of the repetitive stories of non-reciprocal "love".

Probably there is no point in telling an adult audience what unrequited love is. It's like a one-sided game. One team tries, gives all the best, spends all its efforts - and nothing in return! The same thing happens with a person who has fallen in love, but does not receive reciprocal feelings in return. Remember how in that song "we choose, we are chosen." So, it turns out that the object of our suffering, who did not choose us, is absolutely indifferent to us. Even worse - he is carried away by another person, for the sake of whom he is ready for anything.

We often witness feelings without reciprocity, as it is presented on screens in huge circulations - films with the strongest and unrequited love occupy the first lines of hits. But, unlike cinema, in life such stories, unfortunately, sometimes end very badly. The leading positions of suicides are occupied by those that committed precisely because someone did not share the feelings of a suicide. The "diagnosis" of one-sided love in adolescence or young age is especially dangerous.

Another thing is when love without reciprocity for a person is like a gift. Thanks to which he improves, finds topics for the development of his creativity, career growth, etc.

But for now, we will talk about the main situations that arise against the background of the topic we are studying.

Who is prone to unrequited love

For some reason, people suffer for years from the fact that their feelings are not divided. Why do some couples feel immediately and, as a rule, from both sides? Should others languish and suffer? Psychologists point out that there are factors that induce suffering from unrequited love. And, as it turns out, it is formed in persons who are not self-confident, suffering from the following problems:

1. The stage of acquaintance with the surrounding society has not been fully passed. Someone has unpleasant memories in their memory, a person is fixated on the bad moments of his life.
2. There is no certain level of self-esteem, self-esteem. Often, one-sided love is susceptible to those who from childhood were brought up not in an atmosphere of positive, but in a negative attitude towards the world and life.
3. Unrequited love is most often the lot of those who are afraid to open up to the "world", to feel the fullness of mutual feelings. Because of their fears, they are more likely to experience love and suffering in their thoughts than to admit to the opposite sex.
4. Children of dysfunctional families suffer from unrequited love, in which there was no cult of happiness, joy, mutual understanding. Trying on the role of a happy person is difficult for them - the habit of suffering requires a state of loneliness, torment. Sometimes such persons voluntarily choose an object, knowingly knowing that he will not respond with love to their feelings. Unrequited love in adolescence- for this category of persons the norm. This is how their relationship with the opposite sex begins.
5. People of a conservative disposition are often tormented by unrequited love. They do not want to change anything in their life and are not ready, even for the sake of love, to change their principles, foundations, decisions. Thus, a one-way feeling is like a one-way traffic. Everything is going according to the plan and nothing is capable of disrupting them. There is no answer to love - and okay, everything will be as before.
6. Persons who have not figured out their feelings, sensations and desires. For this reason, they cannot decide on the choice of a partner. The situation is quite common with unrequited feelings in adulthood.

What is unrequited love for a man

We all know from childhood that the main feeling on Earth is love. And the state of being in love can be compared to being in the clouds. It is so easy, pleasant and happy to feel like a loving, enthusiastic person. But if this feeling becomes not mutual, then all the above-described epithets are completely reversed.

Instead of joy and happiness, the lover feels himself in a pitch hell, his state can be compared with a nervous breakdown, depression, shock, and all this in one "glass". A state arises in which will, desires and actions are completely paralyzed. A person is not able to concentrate on work, study, and even banal life.

All he is capable of is to stare at one point, look for a meeting with the object of his dreams and yearn, suffer, cry. What to do in such cases?

Let's immediately consider a situation in which a person in love suffers because of another, but at the same time is afraid to come up and reveal the truth to a loved one, even if he sees him every day. Psychologists strongly recommend not to suffer until you have heard the word "no". And then it is not necessary, but we will talk about this later. In the meantime, there is no point in crying and suffering from mental pain if you have not yet dared to confess your feelings to a man.

Who knows, maybe he is also interested in your special one and will only be glad to have a close relationship. It so happens that a girl makes ends with life and at her grave the one who made her take such a step cries most of all. He claims that he did not know about her feelings and dreamed of being with her, but she hid everything. So draw your own conclusions. It may also happen that this person does not know you much and is embarrassed to approach you. Believe me, there are more modest and “blushing” persons among the stronger sex than among the female.

Men in themselves are not big fans of stress and are afraid to admit their feelings, especially if you know your worth - beautiful, stately, successful.

You fell in love unrequited - how to survive

I must say right away - in no case give up. There are two ways out - to experience and suppress this state in yourself, or to take steps to achieve the location of the object of desire. In the first case, there is nothing special to add - the main thing is to keep yourself in hand and:

1. Get distracted by interesting work, hobbies. You can plunge headlong into the project and make it successful. So you will feel an increase in your own self-esteem and understand that there was no point in suffering about someone who underestimated you.
2. Wedge wedge - to get carried away by another person, for this you do not need to sit at home and suffer over the photograph of your beloved. Chat with friends, make new acquaintances, fall in love, get carried away. Not even a couple of weeks will pass without a trace of your unrequited feelings.

The second option - to achieve the location of the object of love involves the following actions.

Don't be touchy. Only in rare cases do men strive to achieve something that is unattainable. Although there are such cases in life.

A story from life.“Galina and Alexander met about one month before her brother's wedding, and Sasha was his friend. A little flirting, jokes - nothing more. But she was carried away by this man, but nothing on his part. And he, apparently, noticed the ambiguity of her views in his direction and, just in case, joked "You are like a kind sister to me."

For Gali, it became clear that this person would never be carried away by her. Well, so be it. But here's an opportunity, on the wedding day, Sasha quickly became carried away by the bridesmaid and, apparently, a close relationship developed in front of their eyes. What it was like to see the one who fell in love with him and was much better than her rival. What to do? And nothing, not to notice it anymore and that's it!

The second wedding day was very interesting. Alexander and the bridesmaid spent the night together - it became clear to everyone at once. But at the table, Galya never once looked at the one who disdained her feelings. By the middle of the party, he could no longer restrain himself, went up to her and asked "Did I offend you with something?" "Of course not!" Galina answered and did not even show that her pride was hurt.

Further worse, he tried to ask her to dance, but she agreed to the other guy. It got to the point that he approached and openly confessed his feelings to her. And this is after he spent the night with the frivolous bridesmaid, after the suffering of Gali. Of course, he fell in her eyes, and she replied, “You are like brother! ". And so it ended.

It turns out that if a girl behaves like touchy and does not notice a man, then a true hunter is born in him, chasing his prey. Still, you shouldn't tempt fate. It is much easier and better to give a man the opportunity to get to know you better, about your feelings. So there will be more chances for close acquaintance and the beginning of the process of harmony, mutual understanding, community of interests.

Psychologists' advice: in no case impose on the one to whom you are feeling. So you will only scare him away - what is the prospect of dealing with an eccentric woman who wants to build a relationship with her throughout her life. This behavior of a woman is more annoying than enticing. Each of us needs our own, personal space, into which not a single other's leg will "enter", even if it is the leg of our beloved. And if your relationship is only at the initial stage - step on the "throat" of your attraction and keep your distance.

Try to follow his interests. Yes, you will have to endure a little, give up your own desires, but since you love - be kind. But this does not mean that you should be spinning under his feet and arrange, supposedly, random meetings. Believe me, a person in love does not hide his feelings well and your unexpected encounters in a store, in a cafe, on the street and other places will look very fake.

But if you periodically get there, you will be able to understand - what are the interests of your beloved, what he enjoys, what he lives. But even in this one should know when to stop and preserve one's own individuality, pieceiness, so to speak. Do not forget about your preferences, show them. If there is a headless doll in front of him, following him with an "open mouth" - he will not only lose, but he will not take interest in your person.

Work on yourself. Do not abandon your business, be sure to be active. Go in for sports, sign up for a yoga studio, for shaping and other sections that will help improve your appearance and figure. It is also important to grow above yourself - to learn languages, to be carried away by interesting sciences, modern trends.

Personal care. No man will look towards a woman with tear-stained eyes and unkempt skin. Modern representatives of the stronger sex are very pretentious. They have seen enough of beauties and want the object of their interest to be no worse. And even if you do not succeed in terms of relationships, after a while he should remember your beautiful face and understand what "firebird" he missed.

But no matter what you do, nothing helps. Well, here, as they say, bribes are smooth from him. You shouldn't give up on your life, you need to move on and wait for your person to appear on the horizon.

Unrequited love for a man - what cannot be done

Most women in love, under the yoke of their feelings, make stupid and sometimes fatal mistakes. And of course, their actions do not lead to the fact that not reciprocal feelings arise on his part, but, on the contrary, frighten the person even more.

You should never assume that the object of your desires will "go over" to your side if you reshape your character and appearance to suit him. On the contrary, you will lose your exclusivity and dissolve in the crowd of those who look like everyone else, behave like everyone else. Remember the behavior of modern girls who want to please a man. Someone really "holds" to their individuality and in any scenario remains themselves, with their respect and dignity.

But what are those who do terrible things for the sake of a loved one. They go under the knife of a plastic surgeon, disfigure themselves, turn into stupid "giveaways" that you cannot look at without longing. He will play a maximum of 1-2 times with such a toy and leave. You will become uninteresting to him!

Do not try to captivate a man with cunning, insidious intrigues, do not build a "fence" of traps around. And even if you manage to attract attention to yourself, make your property - very soon he will hate you. It is impossible to live with a person you do not love, especially under the yoke of circumstances, the loss of freedom. You will destroy both your own and his psyche and you will not be able to return to normal relations.

Forget about the saying "One love is enough for two!" This is not true! No matter how strong your love is, without reciprocity it has no effect. It is impossible to “give” all the time and not receive anything in return. This is especially dangerous if your feelings are strong and sincere. By giving all of yourself to his desires, you risk losing time and self-respect.

Unrequited love for a girl

Men are advised to immediately understand whether this is really an unrequited feeling or it just seems to him. Do not forget that girls tend to hide their feelings. Sometimes her behavior, indicating inaccessibility, a complete rejection of the relationship, in fact, is fraught with the exact opposite. Let's first find out how she treats you. What do I need to do:

1. Approach the object of your desires and openly confess. Say how you feel about her and wait for an answer. If she says "No" - do not rush to be upset. Often a female "No!" means “I’m ashamed to say Yes!”. To put an end to this question - invite her to a rendezvous, arrange a beautiful evening, bring a delicate bouquet and order her favorite dishes, take a walk in the evening park. If she really feels something in relation to you, she confesses in return.
2. Come to the rescue at the right time. You don't need to be a “duty” assistant. Let her turn to you herself. Your constant presence in difficult times will do the trick. She will need your person when she fails, when she needs support and support.
3. Watch yourself. Women love neat men. She will definitely pay attention to your pleasant perfume, stylish clothes and the purity of the skin. Subconsciously, she projects your person onto the future spouse, as all women do. And she will be pleased to see in her thoughts a neat, well-groomed and smart father of her children and her husband.

Your efforts were in vain, and whatever you did for her, she rejects your love. Well - there is an undivided feeling, with which you need to either fight or forget about your beloved forever.

How to forget her

Yes, if there is no hope that the relationship will develop, everything must be done to distract from unrequited love, to forget about it.

Knock out the wedge with the wedge. Do not sit at home and do not suffer over the photograph of the one that rejected your love. Immediately go with your friends to a party, club, disco, out of town for a picnic. In any case, it is necessary to dilute your life, and especially new acquaintances will help with this. Don't get hung up on a hopeless relationship. Pay attention around - how many beautiful and lovely girls are ready to decorate your life.

Plunge headlong into work, study. You can even get carried away with some extreme sport or hobby. Your thoughts will be little by little diluted with fascinating ideas, projects that require special concentration of attention.

What a man should not do

Just like the fair sex, guys also make a lot of mistakes in pursuit of the location of their beloved girl. Let us study carefully the moments that not only will not evoke reciprocal feelings, but will make the girl simply hate you.

1. Chase her. It is categorically impossible to restrict a person's freedom and control his actions. Who will be pleased now and then in all corners to see the one who dries behind you? In no case do not follow her heels. And if you do arrange "casual" meetings, then try to do it as little as possible. At the same time, one cannot refuse to relax with friends where she also loves to have fun.
2. Trying to buy her with gifts. To accept a gift means agreeing to courtship. And the girls are well aware of this. It is uncomfortable for her to refuse your gifts, and if something is flickering in her in relation to you, then it should grow at ease. Constant and obsessive attention can scare away the girl's feelings and she will become indifferent to you.
3. Don't be too pushy. Rudeness - main mistake men. A self-respecting girl will not agree to build relationships with a rude and impudent person. Be polite, well-mannered. Few are even out of reach. Pay attention, but don't get carried away.
4. Remain yourself. It is not necessary to please the girl to turn into her "slave", ready to fulfill any of her desires. A woman loves a man, not a woman in "pants." As soon as you turn into her shadow, and run like a trained shepherd dog at any of her orders, interest in you will be exhausted.
5. Behave like a man. Do not under any circumstances dismiss the nurse and do not suffer in front of her eyes. Every single woman wants to see a strong, strong, self-controlled person next to them. Who needs a crybaby who cries because of unrequited love? Nobody!
6. Do not give up even with strong love from their beliefs, ideas and interests. A person must be self-sufficient, responsible. And under no circumstances should you lose your self-esteem. You will continue in the same spirit and demand respectful attitude to herself - a smart girl will surely inflame with feelings towards you.

Unrequited love - how to live with it

Of course, it's easy to say - forget about love and get carried away by another. But in life everything is not so simple. Correctly say, "You can't order your heart!" If you could cope with strong feelings of your own free will, then there would not be a single sad love story in the world. And so, every now and then we are faced with grief and problems caused by unrequited love.

What to do? To live on! The saying "Time heals" refers specifically to the issue we are studying. Dear older readers, let's remember how we suffered, cried and tormented because someone did not respond to our pure and strong feelings. And now we suppose - “What a fool I was!”, Or “What a fool I was!”.

Yes, from the height of adulthood it is easier to look back and look after the past with a smile and irony. Much worse for those who are held captive by unrequited feelings. It seems that life has lost its meaning and there is no more need to continue to exist on this Earth. Stop, and don't even think! Believe me, literally a couple of weeks will pass, and you will be able to look at the world with different eyes. The main thing is to keep yourself in control and listen to the recommendations described above. And time will do its job - you will gradually begin to forget about your suffering. And most likely, you will meet and get to know someone who will share your feelings and make you a happy person.

Everyone dreams of happy love. It's bright and tender feeling makes our life meaningful. But unfortunately in life it happens that some people have problems in the field of relationships, one of these difficulties is non-reciprocal love. How to survive it? And what to do?

Lessons in the realm of the senses

Before letting go of one-sided love, it's important to understand the lesson it brings you. Everything in the world has a reason. And if there are certain situations in your life, then they are teaching you something. And the main thing is to understand this, adjust your beliefs and start living differently.

The main lesson of an unrequited feeling, in my opinion, is unconditional love and giving. When you love another, not because he is there, but just like that. When you wish him well. And you are not angry that your feelings are not mutual, you do not demand anything from this person, you just live and give this person your feelings. At least at the energy level.

At the same time, she teaches to love without being attached. Ability to let go of people. At the same time, live your own life, develop and be a self-sufficient person. Do not close yourself off from the world, do not go into depression, but go forward without giving up contacts with other people.

In some cases, non-reciprocal love indicates that this person is not suitable for you in fate. And he needs to be released. Since you have no compatibility. Perhaps your feelings are your fantasy. You fell in love not with the person himself, but with the image that you came up with. And confuse true feelings with false ones.

Unrequited feelings can also come when you, on a conscious or subconscious level, are afraid of a full-fledged relationship. If so, find your fears and replace them with beliefs about willingness. Open your heart.

In addition, if you are dating with one-sided love, most likely you have a fear that no one loves me, that you are not worthy of reciprocity. In this case, it is recommended to change thoughts, reprogram your subconscious mind to positive attitudes. it is important to value yourself, accept and develop confidence and confidence that you deserve the best.

Is love really not mutual?

One-sided feelings can teach action. Before lowering your hands, take a few steps towards the person, if he is free, of course. You should not destroy someone's relationship, since you cannot build happiness on this, then reckoning will come.

Show yourself in courtship, in seduction. Explore books on the topic of love, such as a pickup truck ... Just subtly. Playfully. It will work out, my man, it will not work, then it’s not destiny.

Even if nothing comes of it, at least you won't blame yourself for inaction.

If the person does not pay attention to your steps and makes you understand that he does not need you, let go.

How to deal with non-reciprocal love and let it go?

It all starts with acceptance. You accept your feelings and this situation, and allow it to be as long as you need, without getting stuck. You live a fulfilling life, realizing yourself in other areas. You do not feel sorry for yourself, but realize the fact that since it has come, then it must be so. You learn your lesson, let go and move on.

I recommend doing the practices of forgiveness. For example, write a few letters to someone who is not responding to your feelings. Then burn them. Forgive yourself, him (her) and God (Universe) in these letters. Better on the waning moon.

Take the pain out. Don't suppress her. If you feel like roaring, allow yourself to. Give yourself a few days to let go of pain through tears, for example.

Have you released? Well done. Now go ahead. Remember that your main purpose is to make yourself happy. Therefore, do not let non-reciprocal love destroy you, live, enjoy life. There are so many interesting things in it.

Easy ways to let go of one-sided feelings

Here are some interesting directions that you could turn your attention to. They are useful and interesting:

1. Spiritual development

2. Travel

3. Creativity

4. Training

5. New acquaintances

6. Sports

7. Healthy lifestyle

8. Work

9. Helping others

10. Dream

11. Nature

What to do if it doesn't work

Well, first of all, it is important to believe that it will work out. If you cannot cope with non-reciprocal love on your own, there is no strength to survive it, contact a psychologist.

Or do rituals to release the person. For example, I'll cool it down for myself. Or simply meditations are appropriate.

Find the strength in yourself. If it does not work out, then you are internally not a mature person, fixated on the love sphere, not seeing other meanings. So you have high self-confidence and your fear of me is not loved too much. Let go. Become self-sufficient. Choose spiritual and personal growth.

And when you develop spiritually, happy love will come into your life. The main thing is to believe, you deserve it ...)