During the first three months of life, all babies cry a lot. Crying is the only way a newborn can tell her mother that she is feeling bad. In order for the baby to form a favorable impression of the world, not a single request for help should be ignored. Moreover, the mother's reaction should be lightning fast. The sooner the mother comes to the child's aid, the less his nervous system suffers and the more favorable his impression of the new environment is.

Interestingly, the mother's attitude to crying dictates her intellectual level and cultural roots. Children of Americans and natives of Western Europe cry much more often and longer, and this is due to the reaction of the mother to the inviting cry of the baby. Cornell University anthropologist and author of Our Children, Ourselves, Meredith Small, says: “In the West, a mother responds to her baby's cry, on average, one minute later — she usually picks it up and soothes it. Children born in a place where the primitive civilization of hunters and gatherers is still preserved (in Botswana, for example) cry just as often, but in half the time. The response of an African mother occurs after 10 seconds and consists in the fact that the baby is brought to the breast: there the children are fed about 4 times an hour, and beyond any schedule, no matter how wild it may seem to our mothers who are obsessed with the regime ... Now all over the world attitude towards the infant crying changes - the child began to recognize the right to demand attention to himself.

Is it good for children to cry?

Many modern parents think that the old proverb, which says “no matter what the child is amused - just not cry,” invites them to occupy a whimpering child by any means, so that he does not interfere with them calmly doing their business. However, this proverb had a different meaning. Experienced parents wanted to convey to the young the simple truth that a child should not cry at all. It was believed that crying is harmful for a baby, as it spoils his character and interferes with his normal development. This opinion is absolutely correct. Either a sick child or a child with inattentive parents can cry constantly. The opinion that crying a child develops lungs is an excuse for those who cannot and, most importantly, do not really want to properly care for the baby. A healthy, well-groomed baby will not. If the baby cried, it means that something is bothering him and it is necessary to understand the reasons for crying in order to eliminate them as soon as possible.

Babies cannot say what worries them, what they lack, but only cry about their suffering or inconvenience. That is why the baby is crying. There can be many reasons for crying a newborn, and it is not easy to understand them. However, parents should try to show a guess and ingenuity in this matter, especially since, depending on the reasons, crying has different shades.
So, let's look at the main reasons for crying.

The child cries if he is hungry

Most often that he is hungry, infant notifies with a drawn-out cry, very demanding and loudly. The hungry baby is crying, blushing, stretches out his arms. What should the mother do in this case? Of course, the baby needs to be fed, even if the time has not yet come, and the same applies to crying at night.

Crying caused by inconvenience

Crying can be a signal of a baby's discomfort. If you are using reusable diapers, the baby will cry to alert the parents that the diapers are already wet and irritating their skin. Wet diapers irritate the skin, the baby cries incessantly.
Whimpering crying, incessant, although it sounds stronger or weaker, it can be accompanied by hiccups. If you change the diapers and cover the baby warmer, he will calm down. When using disposable diapers, remember that they too can leak or, getting wet inside, cause unpleasant sensations to the baby. If your baby sleeps in the same diaper all night, then the greatly increased volume of the diaper can be an annoying factor.
A child can cry from uncomfortable clothes, improper body position. Then he first whimpers, then shouts in protest and tries to change position, swinging his legs and arms.

Crying caused by overheating

In this case, the child whimpers, scatters arms and legs, his skin turns red, and a small red rash (prickly heat) may appear on it. At the same time, the baby's temperature may even rise to 37.5. The child needs to be undressed, wiped off with a damp towel. If the temperature rises, it is necessary to urgently remove the disposable diaper.

Crying caused by the cold

When the baby is cold, his cry begins with a sudden shrill cry, which gradually turns into a quiet, prolonged whine, accompanied by movement of the arms and legs, hiccups. In this case, of course, you need to dress the baby in warmer clothes. But do not rush to wrap up the child when he has cold hands, feet or nose. Children have an imperfect autonomic nervous system, and therefore the temperature of the final is periodically lower than that of the whole body. You can put on warm socks on the legs, and gloves on the handles, or warm them in warm water. The fact that the child is freezing is evidenced by the cool skin of the chest, abdomen, back.

Crying while feeding

May be associated with inflammation of the oral mucosa or inflammation of the middle ear. In the latter case, the cry is especially loud and shrill. When otitis media begins in a child, it becomes painful when swallowing. Therefore, even a hungry child, greedily grabbing a nipple or bottle, having taken the first sip, immediately comes off the breast (bottle) and begins to cry very hard. Also, with otitis media, pain can occur at night, without regard to feeding. Also, the child may have a clogged nose and find it difficult to breathe.

Crying after feeding

The kid touches his legs, pulls them to his tummy, wrinkles his forehead, frowns - maybe air got into the intestines while feeding and the baby hurts. For abdominal pain, there are breaks between crying attacks.
To avoid this, you need to learn how to properly attach the baby to the breast. The baby should capture not only the nipple, but also the area of ​​the nipple. No smacking sounds should be heard while sucking. After a meal, the child must be worn in a "column" for 15-20 minutes.

Crying from intestinal colic.

Such crying is characterized by shrill screams, between which there are short breaks. Boys suffer from intestinal colic more often than girls, first-borns more often than their own younger brothers and sisters, children of suspicious, anxious mothers, more often children of calm mothers. There can be several causes of colic. This is the immaturity of the child's enzymatic systems, and their allergic nature, and disturbances in the diet of a nursing woman. As a result, the baby's intestines accumulate in a large number gas bubbles. They press on the intestinal wall, which leads to a strong pain syndrome The child has. How to deal with this? First, try to warm the baby, take him in your arms, hug him. On the baby's tummy, you can put a heating pad with warm water or a film rolled in four and ironed with a hot iron. A gas tube often helps, the gases will go away and the child will feel better. If this does not help, then the baby is given Activated carbon or enterosgel. For intestinal colic, children were always given dill water. Sometimes she helped. There are special drugs that are not absorbed in the intestines, but act only on the gas bubble, breaking its wall (for example, “Espumisan.” But it is better to consult a doctor before prescribing any treatment.

Diaper rash

Diaper rash is irritation that occurs due to a late diaper change, not dry skin, lack of the skin to breathe, etc. It is easy to avoid them by taking good care of the baby.

Screaming while urinating

Such a cry indicates an inflammatory process in the urinary tract. It is very serious if it is combined with an elevated temperature. Call a doctor immediately and have blood and urine tests done. Indeed, in young children, cystitis often ends with pyelonephritis.

Screaming during bowel movements

Crying during bowel movements may indicate irritation of the anus. Pay attention to the hygiene of the child's body, wash it regularly with warm boiled water.
More often it worries children prone to constipation. However, there may be damage to the mucous membrane of the anus and with the wrong introduction of the gas tube or rectal suppositories.

Fatigue

Children, too, get tired, and moreover, even faster than the big ones, and even more so, adults. A child expresses fatigue not only by whimpering or crying, but also by a loss of interest in the world around him. He would like to sleep, but small children do not always know how to fall asleep on their own.
Therefore, it is worth turning off the light, holding the child in your arms, shaking it, singing a lullaby, you can redeem it if the child likes it or, in good weather, wear it in your arms for fresh air, but only if it is not noisy around, there are no cars and crowds of people.

Teeth are being cut

Teething in some children is painless, but in other children it is very uncomfortable. Watch your baby. Is he shedding excess saliva? Does he bite fingers or other objects? Did the baby's gums turn red? Does the baby require additional breastfeeding or bottle feeding? On the other hand, does he refuse to breast or bottle, because the process, as you think, causes pain in the gums? Other symptoms include lack of appetite and disturbed sleep.
Massage your sore gums with a gentle fingertip (wash your hands well before doing this) and have your child chew on a chilled, non-icy baby teething ring or frozen banana a little.

The need for communication

An infant can desire communication and be afraid of loneliness in the same way as an adult. So, if there are absolutely no reasons for crying, and the baby still whines or screams, then you just need to go up to him, pick him up, talk, sing a song.

Unwillingness to go to bed

If, before falling asleep, the baby cries, is capricious, touches his legs, tries to throw off the diapers, then it is too early for him to sleep. Better to undress him for a while and give him the opportunity to “walk”.

Crying for no apparent reason is evidence not so much of a disease as of a child's high nervous excitability. Try to remove bright lights, loud music from his room. Do not turn on the TV and the computer with the baby. Walk in the fresh air for longer.

Parents should be aware that crying and anxiety of a newborn are always associated with some serious causes that need to be identified and eliminated as soon as possible. As a rule, babies who are cared for according to the principles of soft adaptation cry very little. Many parents fear that they will spoil the baby by responding to every squeak and meeting all his needs. These fears are groundless, since it is impossible to spoil a baby under the age of 1 year. At this age, you can only either create for him confidence in the reliability of the environment or destroy it.

The rules of behavior for parents when a child is crying

Here are the rules that parents need to know who have a newborn.

1. The first and most important rule: if the baby cried, he must be picked up and given a breast. And if he cried while in his arms, you need to offer him his chest and shake it.
2. If the child does not calm down or refuses to breastfeed, and the mother cannot understand the nature of crying, you should find out the reason for it. To do this, you need to try to drop the child off, or change the diapers, if he has already done everything on his own; try to rock the baby and put him to bed.
3. If this does not give a quick result, it is necessary to check and eliminate possible reasons skin irritation: check clothes, the condition of the stroller or bed, check if the baby's ear is wrapped, if there are any diaper rash or rashes.
4. When trying to calm the child, the mother herself should be calm. Quite often, children cry in response to the irritation and nervousness of the mother or the general unfriendly environment in the family. Therefore, a woman needs to calm down and eliminate the source of irritation.
5. If these measures do not work, then the reasons for crying are either the result blunders in care and a perinatologist psychologist should be invited to urgently establish it, or lie in the child's discomfort and a doctor should be called.
While parents are waiting for the arrival of specialists, the child should not be left to fend for itself. It should be worn at all times, applied frequently to the breast, changed diapers and monitored for the condition of the skin, since these measures in any case improve the condition of the baby.

Parents sometimes dream that their children will not cry at all. Why is the child crying, and how to calm him down? Cry for baby it the only way signal to adults.

When our beloved child begins to publish the first "agu", we are so happy about this that we perceive each new sound as a small holiday, and when the baby starts to speak, it’s a whole event.

But, alas, not only sounds pleasing to the heart come from children's lips. Even babies sometimes, and maybe sometimes cry too much, and even worse, if they whine. It seems that the child is well-fed, dry, sleepy, but for some reason he is still unhappy with life.

You can still somehow find out the reasons for older children, but for very little ones, it is unlikely that it will be possible to find out the reasons for whining ...

A child never cries just like that. There is always a reason. If the parents are able to understand the reason for crying and meet the needs of the child, the cry will stop. But sometimes it is impossible to comfort the baby in any way, adults try to offer the baby anything, but the crying does not stop.

If the baby is constantly crying, it is incredibly difficult for parents to remain calm. The constant cry turns on the parents: it seems that the child is crying simply out of harm. Parents forget that a child cannot stop crying until they understand what he needs.

The parents become even more stressed and the baby cries even more. Below we will try to find the answer to the question - why is the child crying.

Causes of crying baby

Hunger

Hunger is the simplest reason a child cries. In such cases, there is a sudden cry or violent crying with stretching of arms, reddening of the face.

Pain

From the first minutes of life, the cry of the child is caused pain, however, it can be difficult to understand a child crying from pain or from something else. Frequent crying and crying of a baby may indicate some kind of illness.

Overloading the nervous system

A crying attack in a newborn can be overly irritated. Sudden loud sound, sudden harsh light, pungent or bitter taste, cold hand touch, tossing and squeezing.

What will become a strong irritant depends on the child's physical condition and mood. The kid will be happy to play with you when he is full, does not want to sleep and is quite happy with life.

But if the child is hungry, annoyed with something, or wants to sleep, the same game can cause crying.

Dressing up

Sometimes the child starts crying when changing clothes, and some parents think that they are somehow awkward to do it. In fact, most babies cry over the loss of their clothes.

The child may simply not like it when the air touches the skin directly. The cry stops when the child is dressed.

Cooling or overheating

The baby cries when wet. The urine irritates his skin. Cry about this whimpering. It is stronger, then weaker, but it does not stop. Crying can be accompanied by hiccups, as wet diapers can lead to chills.

If you change diapers and cover your baby warmly, he will calm down.

The child cries when overheated. Then the child whimpers, scatters arms and legs, the skin turns red, prickly heat may appear.

The baby cries when he is cold. This cry begins with a sudden cry, which gradually turns into a quiet, prolonged whine, accompanied by movement of arms and legs, hiccups.

Tight swaddling

Crying, associated with the fact that the baby is squeezed by some clothes, begins with a quiet whimper, then it gradually turns into a cry of protest, continues in the form of quiet crying, accompanied by an attempt to change the position of the body.

Why is the baby crying

Why does the baby roll up when crying

If a child rolls up while crying, then he has the highest nervous excitement of negative manifestations. Usually, an attack occurs if the child is crying a lot, while there is a sharp spasm of the muscles of the larynx after a deep exhalation.

Holding the breath stops the supply of oxygen to the brain. The child can lose consciousness, this is a kind of protection of the body from a lack of oxygen. Oxygen consumption decreases significantly when a person is unconscious.

Often such conditions occur in children with a lack of calcium. Calcium contributes to the spasm of the larynx. If these conditions are common, it is important to talk to your doctor, as it may be caused by a more serious medical condition.

Why does a baby cry after sleep

Perhaps he has a stuffy nose, he is forced to breathe through his mouth, while the oral mucosa dries up, and he is thirsty. Maybe he's just hungry.

Why does the child cry in his sleep

In a dream, the child may just want to eat. He may lie in an uncomfortable position, or he had a bad dream. If the baby is sick and in pain.

Why does the baby cry while feeding?

If the baby cries during feeding, it may be due to an inflammation of the oral mucosa or inflammation of the middle ear. In the latter case, crying is especially loud and shrill, often occurring at night, without connection with feeding.

Why does the baby cry after feeding

If the baby cries after feeding, he may have swallowed too much air and the pain arises from the distention of the stomach. Unfortunately, this air enters the intestines causing prolonged crying, in which the baby twists his legs, wrinkles his forehead and close his eyes. With abdominal pain, there are small breaks between short shrill screams.

Here are some other possible reasons why the child is crying (we are not talking about a sick child): teeth are teething, a pungent smell irritates, perhaps mother's perfume or new gel for a shower, the day before there was a vaccination, does not like to dress, swim, or God knows what else. The weather changes, the clothes are uncomfortable, the woolen socks are pricked, the blanket “bites”. Extraneous sound from behind the wall or from the street, or maybe just a TV in the room

This, of course, is not the whole list, but as you understand, a child, like any adult, has the right to Bad mood, and there is nothing you can do about it.

How to calm a child down if he is crying

If you checked everything, the child is well-fed and healthy, dry and sleepy, perhaps he does not have enough of your attention. Even babies do not really like being awake alone, lying in a crib, they need communication.

Put your baby in a sling in fetal position and do your household chores. If the baby was just bored, he will instantly calm down and will carefully monitor you (maybe he will learn to iron his shirts).

If the reason for crying was different, your motion sickness will help him to forget about all adversity, and he will simply fall asleep. If this does not work out, then you can dance with the baby together, stomp, run, perform all kinds of movements, exercise on the simulator, and at some point you will understand that the baby has calmed down.

Only one BUT! Do not shake the child like a pear, this is bad for his brain.

Distract the kid with a game, or simply by looking at the street from the window: a car has gone - it is carrying bread to the store, a cat has run by - it is running to its kittens, and there! Look what’s there!

The kid will cry and get involved in looking at the landscape outside the window. Sing the song, in the end, maybe the baby will be so surprised at your singing that he will immediately stop crying.

"Chat" the child. The point is not to let your baby wedge into your endless speech. Say what you see: here mom came, brought milk, our dad went where he went to the store, probably our soup is boiling on the stove, he will run away completely now.

And if you say all this without stopping, there will simply be no place for a child's cry.

So what kind of calming was right for your child? Tell us…

Lyudmila Sergeevna Sokolova

Reading time: 9 minutes

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Last updated article: 18.08.

After months of waiting for the baby to be born, the mother and the newborn are finally at home. However, literally in a few days, parents have to look for an answer to the question of what to do if the child is constantly crying. Maybe something hurts him, and you need to urgently call a doctor, or you can solve this problem yourself?

Why can a newborn cry

Many parents learn to understand without words what causes their baby to cry. In some families, not only mothers, but also fathers achieve complete mutual trust with the baby. However, due to the fact that the mother spends much more time with the baby than the other relatives, plus everything else she breastfeeds, they have a special bond.

At the same time, understanding between parents and the baby usually improves by two or three months. Whereas in the first weeks, the newborn and the parents get used to each other. That is why each subsequent month, the process of upbringing and understanding the child seems to the mother much easier during the first weeks after birth.

Despite the fact that every baby is different, there are some of the most common causes of crying in newborn babies:

• hunger;
• discomfort from heat or cold;
• pain in the tummy.

Most common reason why the child is constantly crying, is hunger. To understand whether this is really so, you can touch your finger to the corner of his mouth. A hungry newborn will begin to turn its head, opening its mouth and trying to grab a finger. Such a baby must be fed immediately.

The newborn usually expresses discomfort from heat or cold in the form of a lingering whine. You can check the condition of the child by touching his handle in the wrist area (if you feel the baby's fingers, you can draw the wrong conclusions). In the event that the wrists are too cool, the child should be insulated. If the wrists are sweaty and too hot, remove excess clothing from the child.

It should not be forgotten that in the heat, newborns feel much worse than with hypothermia. This moment must be taken into account when dressing a child for a walk or at night.

What if the baby is constantly crying from tummy pain?

Rarely do parents manage to avoid colic - they bother the baby in the first months. The reason for the pain in the tummy, which prevents the child from sleeping well and the parents to fully rest, is the not yet strong and not well-functioning digestive system, because only after birth it begins to function, digesting food.

A newborn may scream and cry violently from these tummy pains. He can go into hysterics from crying, jerk his legs, squeeze them and strain them a lot. He even blushes from strong crying. It is difficult to confuse such crying from colic with crying caused by other reasons.

It is very difficult to help a child get rid of this problem. You can try to attach the baby to the breast, but if the newborn begins to cry after eating, this method most likely will not help.

In some situations, you can use a gas pipe. It is sold in almost all pharmacies. The essence of the procedure is as follows:

• the baby is laid on its side;
• the thin end of the gas outlet tube is lubricated with baby cream (petroleum jelly is also excellent) and inserted into the anus (approximately 1 cm);
• the other end of the tube is lowered into a container filled with water (for example, a glass).

In the event that the reason for the strong crying of the child is the gases accumulated in the tummy, then bubbles will appear in the glass. In addition, the use of the tube promotes bowel movement, which can also alleviate the condition of the child.

At the same time, the flue gas tube must not be used too often. If the newborn cries too often, a tummy massage may be helpful. It also helps to relieve gas and colic. When massaging, you need to gently press on the tummy, massaging it in a circular motion.

After the procedure for feeding the baby, it is necessary to give him the opportunity to regurgitate the trapped air. This is important in preventing the accumulation of gas in the intestines. In the process of feeding the baby, as well as at the end of the feeding, you need to hold the baby upright. For this purpose, you can put it on your shoulder for 3-5 minutes. However, it should be noted that not in all cases such a procedure can relieve and prevent colic problems in babies.

What to do when massage, regurgitation, and venting are not working? You can try to lay the baby on the tummy, placing a heating pad under it, having previously wrapped it in a towel or diaper. Before placing your baby on the heating pad, make sure that it is not too hot. For some newborns, dill broth works well.

How to calm a baby if he is crying

If all options have been tried, and the newborn is still crying, you should try to calm him / her in other ways. And colic will pass after a few months when the digestive system is working properly.

To calm the baby, you can shake him, dance, holding him in your arms. Some kids like it when an adult's movements in dance resemble a waltz, others like it when the dance is like a march. You can hold the child in different positions - in an upright position, on the tummy, placing it on your lap or placing it on the belly of an adult. Most children like it when they are placed on their hand in such a way that their head is on the elbow, and the palm of their mother or father warms their tummy.

From two months of age and older, babies start crying with fatigue. Then the baby may suffer from the fact that he cannot fall asleep as a result of overwork. This is due to excessive emotional overexcitation, which parents should help the baby to reduce. To calm down and fall asleep, he needs to be rocked, sang a lullaby, given a pacifier or mother put it to his chest.

All the children are crying. And if it is not difficult to find out and understand the reasons for crying in big children, then it is not so easy to understand why a newborn child is crying. After all, the usual methods of communication are not yet available to the baby, and he is also unable to cope with his own, even minor troubles, on his own.

The main reasons for crying

The main reasons for crying a newborn baby are related to the most important needs and problems for him: hunger, pain, fear, thirst, discomfort, hypothermia or overheating, overwork, desire to communicate.

At first, parents find it difficult to understand why their little baby is crying. But, communicating with him on a daily basis, the mother begins to distinguish between the types of children's crying by intonation, volume and duration.

How to understand the reason

The most powerful irritants for any person are hunger, pain and fear ... Therefore, we will hear the loudest and most abrupt crying in a newborn in these situations.

1. Crying when hunger will be loud, lingering, its intensity gradually increases and turns into a choking cry. If the child is just beginning to feel hungry, then crying will be inviting. Advice to young mothers: if the child is hungry, he will start looking for the breast as soon as it is in your arms.
2. Crying in pain , as a rule, mournful, its intensity does not change, only sometimes there are notes of despair. If the pain has arisen suddenly, then crying will immediately be loud and loud.
3. Crying associated with fear , starts suddenly, it is loud, sometimes hysterical. It may just stop suddenly.

Parents should react to such crying immediately and not wait for the child to calm down on his own. In other cases, the screams will first be inviting, and then, if the baby is still uncomfortable, certain features will appear.

Conscription cry - This is an attempt by the crumbs to declare their problems. It is quiet and short, repeated at short intervals. The kid screams for a few seconds and then waits for your reaction. If there is no answer to the “request to come”, then the crying is repeated, with each repetition the cry will be louder.

Why does a child cry if nothing hurts and is not hungry?

1. If wet diapers bring discomfort to the child, then the cry will be whimpering, and the baby will fidget, trying to move from the wet place. If a child is wearing an overflowing diaper, then he will show signs of discontent in his arms.
2. If the child is cold, then crying will gradually turn into hiccups with sobbing. Your baby's skin is pale and cool to the touch.
3. If the child is overheated, then crying is accompanied by a reddening of the face, the crumb makes flapping legs and arms, his skin is hot.
4. When overworked, the baby begins to be capricious, cries at any attempt to entertain him, but calms down with motion sickness.
5. If you need to communicate or contact with your mother, the baby cries invitingly and calms down when he hears the approaching footsteps.

Knowing the underlying causes of crying can help you calm your baby down. It is enough to eliminate the reason: feed the hungry, sleepy rocked, change the diaper or clothes if necessary (if the baby is overheated or cold). Crying because of pain can be difficult, because it is not always possible to immediately eliminate its cause. But the main thing here is to be patient and behave calmly.

Watching the video:

Other situations

Babies sometimes start crying when bathing, feeding and even sleeping. There are many reasons for such screams.

Baby crying while bathing

• Cold or hot water - the water temperature before bathing must be checked with an “elbow” or a thermometer, it should be 36-37 degrees C. (Article: child);
• This procedure scares the baby - try to talk about each action in a calm tone while bathing and distract the child, any of your actions should be gentle and smooth (Article: The child is afraid to swim :);
• You are insecure, your fear is transmitted to the child - stop being afraid yourself and invite someone to help you with bathing;
• There are areas of inflammation on the child's body (diaper rash, mosquito bites, scratching) - try to prevent the appearance of wounds;
• Add to baby's bathing water.

Crying while feeding

• While feeding, the baby feels pain. This happens with inflammation of the oral mucosa. (stomatitis,), with infections (sore throat, ears), with swallowing large amounts;
• The kid doesn't like the taste. Milk changes with the abuse of strong-smelling foods or foods with a pungent taste (what). Particles of rancid milk can remain on the surface of the nipple, so the breast should be washed before feeding. The product that is used to treat the breast before feeding has an unpleasant taste and smell for the baby. ()

Why is crying in a dream

• I felt like eating;
• I had a bad dream;
• Lies in an uncomfortable position;
• Is in pain;
• I felt that my mother was not around.

Another video:

In addition, babies sometimes cry when urinating or having a bowel movement. Such screams may indicate inflammatory diseases of the urinary tract or. The reason for this behavior of the child must be clarified in conjunction with the pediatrician.

Watch the video:

Your baby cries often, and you see no reason for this. Believe me, this does not happen. There is always a reason for crying. You will learn about why a baby can cry, how to find out the reason, how to prevent tearfulness from the wonderful book of a practicing child psychiatrist Alevtina Lugovskaya. Using her advice and recommendations, you will not only change the character of the baby, but also learn how to become both a mother and a real friend for him.

Chapter 1. Why is the baby crying?

Let's start with Dear Parents, let's figure out what baby crying is and how it can be caused. Finding out this is important, because only knowing the roots of tears, you can eliminate both. And I also want to say that parents think incorrectly, who, not understanding why the child is endlessly shedding tears, consider this crying to be unreasonable. Believe me, this does not happen.

Crying is a signal that reflexively arises in infants due to the feeling of hunger, thirst, desire to sleep and the urge to natural recovery. Subsequently, crying signals any unpleasant, intolerable feeling, reaching the degree of affect: acute anxiety and fear, sadness and melancholy, irritation and excitement.

The various functions of crying - whim (hysteria), protest, request, demand, complaint (resentment), crying signal, crying-release - constitute a complex psychological structure, that is, a kind of language.

For prying ears, baby crying is an unpleasant irritant. Mom always knows how to catch notes in him that indicate what her baby wants. If adults try to use any means to stop crying children, they risk not only increasing the distance between themselves and him, but also erecting a real wall of indifference and misunderstanding.

However, there are children who cry more than others. They shed tears for every occasion: sympathizing with their favorite characters in a fairy tale or seeing a dead butterfly, hearing screams and loud voices, experiencing physical pain or coming into conflict with someone.

Crying is a strong mental experience, a kind of emotional shock that occurs against the background of previous stress, excitement or lethargy.

It can be the result of a voltage discharge, like an overflowing thundercloud from which rain is poured. The relief experienced after crying contributes to some degree of mood improvement, thus providing a means of regulating emotional tone.

Sometimes crying speaks of the limitation of vital interests and needs that the child cannot come to terms with, of the humiliation of his self-esteem, insult and resentment. Often it arises as a way to attract the attention of parents, as a kind of request for help, intervene, resolve this or that exciting problem. In emotionally indifferent parents, the cry of the baby in this case reaches the gradation of a cry of despair, as if calling them to be more responsive to him. Thus, he complains about the one who offended him, about poor health, pain, inability to realize his desires.

Many parents complain about the restless behavior of their children: whims, irritability, tears over every trifle, turning into tantrums when the child falls to the floor, begins to beat with his feet or hands. We must try to find out the reason for this behavior and try to eliminate it.

Especially often the mother is alarmed by the inexplicable cry of a nursing baby. In such cases, if you are convinced that there is no apparent reason for concern, and the doctor, having examined him, concluded that he is healthy, you should not run up to him at every cry, pick him up and please, feed him at the wrong time, just to calm him down. ... Otherwise, the baby will get used to the fact that by screaming he can achieve everything he wants. The wrong techniques will only calm him down for a short time.

To begin with, crying in the first years of his life, the baby expresses natural needs, that is, he wants to eat, drink, relieve himself or feel uncomfortable in wet clothes. The child still does not know how to speak and expresses all his desires through crying, thereby attracting the attention of the parents.

Later, when the baby learns to pronounce his first words and, it would seem, should already express his desires with them, he still cries and is capricious if he wants something. This happens reflexively, because the subconscious contains information about this way of fulfilling desires.

Nervous irritability often arises in him in the event that he persistently demands the impossible. Sometimes he doesn’t need this object at all, he’s just used to getting his way with crying and tears.

It is also possible that at an early age a child is taught to be calm and cheerful only in the presence of adults. He feels comfortable only when someone is nearby, they pay attention to him. And this is undesirable, since it is fraught with unpleasant consequences.

If the baby does not find something to do and feels the need for direct contact with parents, he can express his desire to attract the attention of adults, with tears, whimpering, complaints of various misfortunes and thus achieve his goal. If he is very small, they will pick him up and try to calm him down, that is, they will show some kind of attention.

Communication means a lot to your baby. Those parents who pay enough attention to this do the right thing. But you shouldn't indulge and fulfill all your whims: give whatever you ask for, constantly take it in your arms and be relentlessly close, dropping all your affairs and worries.

Around the sixth week of life, often at nightfall, the baby begins to cry, writhe, and show signs of illness. At the same time, he is clean, he has drunk enough water, he is not hot ... This state is called "evening restlessness." Don't be alarmed. This often happens, but it passes, as it corresponds to the phase of restless awakening, which disappears by the third month of life. He has no other way to discharge the stress accumulated during the day, and he discharges in this way. Consider it the difficulty of adjusting the newborn to the rhythms of day and night.

When a baby's teeth start to cut, he becomes very irritable and whiny. Teeth are a very painful process: the gums swell, itch and ache, saliva runs strongly, his temperature rises.

Crying can also be the result of emotional distress when the baby is afraid or unable to express his feelings and desires out loud. This is possible in contact with strangers, strangers to him. Often on the street or in transport we hear such expressions: "Stop squealing, otherwise I will give you to my uncle!" or "If you kick your aunt with your feet, she will take you with her!"

Usually such threats are negative. But there are children with a very sensitive and vulnerable psyche, such warnings make a very strong impression on them, cause fear. And the words "Come on, come on, I'll take her to me!" can cause panic at the prospect of spending their entire life in the company of strangers. After all, the baby takes everything said at face value.

Such threats develop in children a persistent rejection of strangers, and in the future, after all, they feel free and at ease only in a familiar environment, in the circle of relatives and friends.

If the baby is cold or hot, and he does not know how to tell about it, he naturally begins to cry. He also expresses his emotions when he gets back into his pants. Of course, who will enjoy walking in wet clothes! And the kid calls with a loud cry to correct the annoying misunderstandings.

Irritability, tears and whims are sometimes the result of an overload of impressions when you take him shopping, visiting, walking in the park, going to the zoo, or riding the carousel, where there is a lot of people and noise. Babies react differently to noises and a large crowd of people: someone quickly gets used to it, while someone is very afraid and may even get sick as a result.

The kid does not want to go to bed, so he starts to act up and cry. All your tenderness may not be enough if the child does not want to go to bed, his cry fills all corners of the house. It will take a lot of patience to resolve this situation. Such crying should be treated as a gradual reeducation process, like weaning from a bad habit.

Children, like adults, also have dreams. But since the child cannot yet find explanations for many objects and phenomena, they, naturally, frighten him. As you know, we most often have dreams associated with previous events. And if he dreamed of something unfamiliar, incomprehensible, this causes his fear and - as a result - tears. In other words, the baby had a nightmare.

He may burst into tears not only because of a bad dream. There are a lot of things in the world that the child does not yet know and cannot explain, hence the strong fright, and the baby begins to cry up to hysterics and painful spasms.

When a child falls ill and cannot explain that he is in pain, he begins to cry from pain, to be capricious, refuses to eat, sleeps restlessly.

In the first years of his life, he is under the constant supervision of a local doctor. It is very important that he is not afraid of his visit. Usually, children associate a white coat with pain, injections, an unpleasant sensation when they listen to it or look at the neck, and start crying, even hysterical, resist, fight, do not give the doctor an examination, push his hands away.

Crying is a natural reaction if your baby falls or bumps. Of course, it hurts. Children generally take their failures very seriously. Even if he did not hit hard, he would still make a whole tragedy out of this, because it is important for him that they pay attention to him, sympathize and regret.

Sometimes children do not want to wear what their parents offer them - and again whims, tears and other actions, including throwing clothes.

Not all children quickly get used to kindergarten. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort and patience to adapt to a new environment and get used to other kids. After all, the child considered it natural that his mother should always be with him. Finding himself in an unfamiliar environment and losing sight of his parents, the baby gets scared and starts looking for them, expressing his dissatisfaction with crying.

He may cry if other children have offended him. For example, they pushed him, didn't share the toy, took away a book with interesting pictures ...

By crying, he expresses dissatisfaction when something does not work out for him. For example, a child tried, without success, to put on his socks on his own. The sock turns over, the leg does not want to get into it. The kid begins to get nervous and cry, as if attracting the attention of adults to help him.

In the early years, children sweat a lot, recover on diapers or romper suit. All this negatively affects the condition of their skin. Therefore, it is very important to bathe them regularly. But not everyone loves water procedures and expresses their dissatisfaction with shouts and crying, arrange "concerts", attracting the attention of not only relatives and friends, but even neighbors who listen with bewilderment to loud screams behind the wall and painfully wonder what they are doing with a child, since he cries so hysterically.

Tears can be the result of punishment. In general, they greatly affect mental development child. He can withdraw, become embittered, as he sees the connections between his behavior and punishment, evaluating it only as violence from adults.

The punishment for no reason seems especially offensive to the kid, when he is not at all to blame. For example, while walking, someone pushed him into the mud, naturally, he got dirty, scared and burst into tears. Arriving home, he looks for sympathy from his mother, and she starts yelling at him, because she will have to wash again. She didn’t understand the situation, didn’t ask him about how it happened. As a result, the child, bellowing and offended, stands in the corner, serving a sentence.

A crying child, being in a state of passion, poorly perceives comments, advice, orders, which means that it is useless to educate when crying. It is unacceptable to punish him, crying, since he can easily forget what he was punished for, and the very state of crying is inherently a punishment for him.

There is a conventional wisdom that tears in children are easy to dry. Indeed, the duration emotional state in babies under five years of age, it is relatively small, but the strength of emotions is not inferior, and sometimes even surpasses the similar state in adults.

The grief of a child over the loss of a beloved kitten is no less great than the grief of an adult who has lost a loved one. And it is simply impossible to dismiss him in such a situation, even if he forgets about it in two weeks. And the fear of being abandoned in the kindergarten locker room? Adults think that 15 minutes will not change anything, and they are wrong.

Experiences and emotions require a lot of effort, so do not oversaturate the baby's day with a complex of events, even if they are pleasant. It can cause unexpected vomiting, moodiness, tearfulness, and sleep disturbances.

Chapter 2. What should parents do?

One cannot ignore the crying of a son or daughter at all. This can irreparably damage the credibility of adults. When crying is of an obvious hysterical nature, the best thing is not to reinforce it with increased attention, but to provide an opportunity for a release of nervous tension. In other cases, crying should be dealt with, which is possible only with trusting contact and a guarantee of no punishment.

First of all, the baby cries, expressing natural needs. This is very easy to find out by asking him to eat or drink. He cryingly informs that he has a wet diaper or clothes. Check and replace them. An older child, perhaps, so asks for a potty. To act in such a situation is easy: put him on a pot and stay with him, distract him with a conversation or show him a toy.

He may burst into tears if he is hot or, conversely, cold. You will determine this by the condition of his skin: the skin will be wet, sweaty if he is hot, and cool, pimples (goose bumps) if the baby is cold. After finding out the cause, try to eliminate it. In general, it is very undesirable for children to overheat, it is worse for them than the cold. Do not make a sissy out of it, do not wrap it up, turning it into cabbage, this will quickly lead to diseases.

Tearfulness and whims are most often the result of illness. He may scream because he has a tummy ache, there is no stool for more than the prescribed time. Use a gentle abdominal massage to relieve discomfort. The massage is performed clockwise with stroking movements. Keep your hands warm, use baby cream for better sliding of hands over his body.

If there is no effect, remove gases. To do this, put the baby on the left side and bend his legs, pressing them against the tummy. Another method can be used - insert a gas tube. The last resort, if there is no positive result, is an enema. Put the baby on the left side and make an enema with warm boiled water.

If a serious illness manifests itself, in no case do not self-medicate, because you do not know what the child is sick with. Call your local doctor at home. The first symptoms of the disease, as a rule, are lethargy, drowsiness, refusal to eat. Pay attention to the condition skin, look at the neck, check the chair. Be sure to measure your body temperature.

As you know, when a child is sick, his appetite decreases, so do not force him, do not give food as much as possible. Another important point: Even if the baby is sick, do not forcefully keep him in bed. Since the constant stay in bed is accompanied by crying due to the unwillingness to lie, know that the baby will spend as much energy on tears as on walking.

Dress it according to the temperature regime, but by no means half of the wardrobe - overheating is very dangerous for children, especially when they are sick.

It often happens that even after recovery, a nervous and tearful state persists. Be patient. Do not respond to him with your irritation and screams, but first of all, take care of strict adherence to the established regimen in accordance with the condition and age of the child: put him to bed on time, feed him correctly and be in the fresh air more often. Give your child as much care and affection as possible, because even an adult, when sick, requires increased attention to himself. Try to distract him from the consequences of the illness (weakness, imbalance), do not break the usual regime, this can only harm.

The child cries, is capricious, does not want to go to the doctor's office. First of all, you need to talk to him, explain why you are going to the clinic and how this visit will go. The relationship between the child and the doctor is formed through the parents, because they bring him to the appointment, explain the reason for his arrival, the symptoms of the disease. Therefore, it is very important to explain to him that there is nothing wrong with such a visit, that he will not be hurt there. In no case should the child be frightened with injections and the hospital. Imagine that you can instill in a toddler fear and dislike of people in white coats for life.

The child is naughty, crying, does not want to go to bed. Of course, after all, from the first days of his life he got used to your constant presence, does not want to part, leave toys and go to bed. He needs you to be around for some time. Sit on the edge of the bed, tell him some kind story, fairy tale, read a book, or just look at pictures with him. You can sing a little song or just talk about your day.

This will allow your little one to end their day in peace. Ask him about what interesting happened, share with him your affairs, but do it so that it is clear to him. His favorite toy should be nearby so that he can reach it. After all, children love to sleep with toys. At this moment, you should give your baby maximum attention and affection, as this is very important for him and for you and helps to strengthen your relationship.

Sometimes the baby, on the contrary, is naughty because he wants to sleep, but will not fall asleep in any way. Indulge him, pet him, give him a relaxing massage. Stay with him a little, try to tune him to sleep.

To train your baby to go to bed voluntarily, the first step is to calm him down. Let him cry for a few minutes, then come and pet him. Gradually increase the time gap before coming to him when he starts crying. Over time, he will understand that he was not abandoned when he sleeps, loving parents near. You will let him know that you love him, that you are always with him. So he will calm down, get used to it and will fall asleep without whims.

If the baby refuses to eat, do not force feed him, do not yell at him. Please be patient. Tell me what you need to eat to grow up big and healthy, like a dad, for example; put the toy on the table and "feed" it, alternating - one spoon to the doll, the other to him. There is another well-known way - it is to eat a spoon for each of the family members: for dad, for mom, for grandmother ...

Your baby doesn't like or want to swim. What to do in such a situation? First of all, try to explain to him why this is being done. Tell us how important it is to keep your body clean. Remember the fairy tale "Moidodyr" about the boy, from whom all his clothes ran away, because he was dirtier. Remind him how he was sick in Lately, and try to convince him that if he bathes, he will never get sick.

Use a wide variety of washable toys. Now there are many wind-up waterfowl toys that can distract him while swimming. Let together bubble... The most important thing is that you should be nearby, in no case leave the baby alone in the bathroom, because he can not only choke, but also be very scared of the water.

Sometimes the reluctance to swim is due to soap or shampoo getting in your eyes. He continues to have unpleasant sensations, so he begins to cry. Use special detergents for children that will not irritate eyes.

The kid is stubborn and does not want to dress, begins to get nervous, cry, throw clothes. Find out why he is protesting. Maybe he wants to put on his favorite thing, let, if possible, make a choice for him himself. Or, showing the thing, interest in some pattern, say that the blouse or pants are beautiful, warm and comfortable.

Sometimes the baby does not like clothes, because he is uncomfortable in them, but he cannot express it in words. If you go outside, and the child objects to a warm jacket, explain that it is cold outside, show that you will also dress warmly. But in no case go to screaming, do not dress the child by force. This will negatively affect your future relationship.

The kid grows, develops, learns, acquires some skills. When something does not work out for him, he can burst into tears, scatter objects, toys. Crying in this case, he calls you for help, since he himself cannot cope. Find out what he wants. Help him to do this, but do not yell at him, and even more so, you should not help him silently. It might look something like this: “Let me help you. I'll show you how to do it, and you will repeat it ”or“ Let's do it together ”.

The child does not want to go to a nursery or kindergarten. Keep in mind that he finds himself in an unfamiliar environment and the adaptation period can be very different - someone gets used to it very quickly, while another will take more time. After all, the baby loses your presence and is very afraid of being left in an unfamiliar environment without you.

Explain to him why you are sending him to kindergarten. Try to instill that you are not doing this in order to get rid of him, not because you are tired of him, you are tired or you have more important things to do, but to help him have more interesting and richer time.

It takes effort and patience for the baby to adapt faster. In no case should you drag the child to the kindergarten by force, yell at him and scare him that you will not take him home if he does not stop crying. Try so that going to kindergarten does not become a psychological trauma for him, but, on the contrary, turns out to be a joyful event. It should be prepared in advance for this.

Arriving at the kindergarten, the baby should already have the skills of washing, dressing on his own, and sitting on the potty. Therefore, instill in him the necessary everyday skills in advance so that he has more time for games and there are no offensive problems associated with the inability to do something on his own.

Tell us more about kindergarten, about what the child will do there. Be sure to say that he is already big and you are proud of him, because he can now go to kindergarten as you go to work.

Try to convince him that they will not be offended in the kindergarten that there are other children and toys. You can take his favorite toy with you, so that he was calmer, since a piece of the house and everything that he is used to is with him. Do not run away as soon as you bring the baby. Slowly undress him and lead him by the hand to the group, interest him with something so that the baby is distracted.

There are children who for a very long time cannot get used to the kindergarten, are afraid to go there, resist, cry. In a group, they hide in a corner, do not play with anyone, avoid educators. First of all, try to talk to the child, establish the reason, maybe the educators treat him badly or other children offend him?

In the kindergarten, in the course of communication, children, like adults, may experience conflict situations. This is most often due to toys. They can push him, offend him, take away the toy with which he wanted to play. Talk to him and, having found out the reason, try to eliminate it, but this does not mean that you urgently need to transfer the baby to another nursery or kindergarten. Be patient, act gradually, ask him in detail about what he was doing, with whom he played. All this will help him to believe that he will be fine in the kindergarten, and he can perfectly play with other children until his mother arrives.

As you know, children are very fond of outdoor games, they love to run and very often fall and get dirty. You can't punish or shout for this. This is natural for his age and very beneficial for his development. Imagine what will come of a child if he is quietly sitting on a chair, having lost his usual mobility? Muscle weakness may develop, he will be more susceptible to diseases, he is lagging behind peers.

If the baby fell, knocked hard, tore off his knees, do not yell at him, he is already scared. Try to calm, distract, and gently treat the wounds. Explain that this is not so scary and will heal soon.

If the baby is “overwhelmed” with impressions, it is difficult for him to understand and perceive a large amount of information received, to “digest” it, he starts to be capricious, cry. We need to talk to him about his impressions, try to find out what annoys him or, on the contrary, interested him. If something is not clear to him, do not dismiss it, try to explain to him in such a way that he understands.

In no case should you frighten and deceive the child. The shock caused by fear can have a detrimental effect on his psyche, he can start to stutter, twitch, be afraid of the dark, loud noises, a room in which there is no one. If the baby is capricious, crying, in no case do not frighten him with wolves, witches and other scary characters, this can lead to the development of mental illness.

Sometimes a baby can cry because he is just bored. Try to cheer him up. Offer him something to do, do something together. Get the child interested. Look at a picture book, play something, in the end, just chat with him. Very often, parents dismiss their children, motivating this with their fatigue and busyness. All this can end badly enough. He will withdraw into himself, harbor resentment, and you risk losing not only his trust, but the child in general as a person.

There is no simple and universal recipe here. However, we can say with confidence that sensitivity and vulnerability are signs of the mental makeup of such children, the properties of their nervous system. It is impossible to change these innate features at will. Moreover, such means of educational influence as persuasion, reproaches, punishments, shouts, ridicule will not help here, but rather even bring a negative result. Any violent measures will cause an increase in tension and anxiety, will further weaken nervous system baby, will take away strength and self-confidence.

Even the most loving parents will not be able to protect their child from life's troubles, because you cannot keep a child under a glass cover all the time. Therefore, the simplest tactic in dealing with such children is not to be annoyed by their crying. But to be next to them - best remedy to calm them down. Let him feel that you are ready to help him, because it is so important to him.

Try to switch his attention to something else, to give some specific task so that it will interest the baby and, of course, be within his power.

In short, the most important thing that is required of parents is patience. Do not forget that high emotional sensitivity is closely related to responsiveness, kindness, cordiality, willingness to come to the rescue, to defend the weak, and these are very valuable human qualities!

Therefore, no matter how strange it sounds, listen to the child's cry, delve into its meaning, and do not try to interrupt it as quickly as possible, dry up the child's tears. Crying and tears is the language of children's communication, so do not be deaf to it just because you have forgotten how to speak it yourself.

If a child is afraid of strangers, of course, he expresses this through tears. Fear of strangers is a typical form of maladjusted behavior of a toddler. It was at this time that he is in dire need of your support, understanding, protection. A calm, friendly family atmosphere helps to relieve stress and makes it easy to deal with the problem.

The world of the child is still mainly limited by the walls of the house, courtyard or kindergarten, so the appearance of an unfamiliar face causes the child's suspicion. If a stranger behaves harmlessly from his point of view, for example, does not touch his toys, if his parents are not enough in the armful, the alertness gradually disappears. Otherwise, it may develop into panic fear and even a persistent phobia.

It is good when parents are sympathetic to this problem. This means that they will not allow themselves to abuse a child just in order to demonstrate to their acquaintances their achievements in the field of upbringing the younger generation.

If your baby is crying, do not rush to call the doctor or stuff him with pills and potions, just pat him on the head. Warm soft hands the mother touched the baby, stroked the back, tummy, breast, lingered on the forehead a little longer, and the baby calmed down.

Awesome effect, right? But this is not unusual. It has been known for a long time that massage has a calming effect, especially if it is done by a mother. She kind of transfers her warmth, calmness to the baby, and he stops crying and being capricious. With the utmost patience and attention, in the future you will be rewarded for this with the health and well-being of your child.

Chapter 3. Mom + baby = friendship

How do you gain the trust of your child? How to challenge him to frankness? Parents very often ask themselves this question, but sometimes, unfortunately, it is too late, when it is very difficult to regain lost trust, respect and authority.

First of all, you shouldn't lose this trust. After all, from the very first days of its existence, the baby sees in you his protection and always runs to his mother when someone offends him or if something does not work out for him. So take your time to break the physical and emotional unity that develops between you and your child. Smile, talk to the baby, and no matter that he does not understand the meaning of your words, the main thing for him is that they communicate with him, the intonation with which you pronounce the words matters.

The unity that has been established between you and the baby from the very first days of its existence will, of course, change over time, but it will still remain the unity of mother and child, only passing into a new, meaningful quality. You will get rid of many problems if you become not only a mother for him, but also a friend.

The child is able to feel and understand whether he is loved, whether he is happy, whether he is treated with respect. It means that it is not enough to tell him that he is loved, he must fully find confirmation of this, so that it does not happen that you tell him about your love, but in fact he feels very lonely.

Deception leads to the fact that the child gradually loses confidence in adults, because he expects danger at any moment. Constant alertness makes him nervous, makes him shy and whiny. In no case should you try to get something from him by fraudulent means.

For example, if mom has gone to the store, and dad says that mom will be back soon and bring something sweet, the baby starts running from window to window in anticipation. And when mom finally comes and does not bring the sweets promised by his father, he gets disappointed, and he cries out of resentment. If this happens repeatedly, the baby will stop trusting you.

Flaw maternal love and attention leads to the fact that the baby withdraws into himself, becomes lonely next to loved ones. But childhood loneliness is a rather terrible thing. Parents are engaged in solving their problems: career, finances, personal life - leaving the child to himself, limiting the relationship with him exclusively to issues of care.

Communication with peers is very important. And if the kid is embarrassed to make contact with other children, he needs help. The help of adults is invaluable here. He should be introduced to the other children by name, ask what they are playing and if they will not accept another participant. Usually, among the guys there is always someone who takes a newcomer under his patronage, helps him get used to a new company.

But sometimes it happens that they can offend him, call him, come up with an offensive nickname for him. After such incidents, the child becomes isolated, preferring loneliness.

It may be that he was made unsociable by his own offense, which caused severe emotional stress. Playing with other children, the kid could inadvertently drop his companion, get hit by a snowball ... The sight of blood and inconsolable sobs can have a profound effect on the psyche of the kid. As a result, he refuses the usual games, does not communicate with friends, does not go out, sitting at home for hours, and responds to all persuasions with a stream of tears.

In this case, you cannot persuade him or swear. You can help him restore peace of mind by talking, explaining the situation in such a way that his guilt complex dissipates.

The employment of modern adults is one of the signs of our time, when parents manage, in addition to their main job, to run part-time jobs, have two services, and take things home. What if the child is raised by a single mother? Here, the issue of raising a normal, full-fledged person is very acute.

The decision to have a child is connected with the acceptance by adults of responsibility for his fate. But to consider oneself as the root cause of everything that happens to him is by no means wrong. The child is able to take responsibility for his actions. As soon as he is asked to do something himself, he will understand that he must be responsible for his actions. Endless instructions and parting words, and even more lamentations and lamentations after his unseemly act, will lead him to aggression.

To understand your child, change his behavior, make contact, or regain lost trust, you must first change yourself. Open your eyes. After all, you are accustomed to forbid everything to him and demanded unconditional obedience. It is convenient for you. But try to understand that the child has his own "I", his own affairs, aspirations, needs, independence. Realizing this, you can soberly assess your relationship with him.

Analyze your behavior, your attitude towards the baby, every gesture, word, action, put yourself in his place, and this will allow you to establish mutual understanding.

It is important to understand that upbringing is cooperation, interaction, mutual influence, mutual enrichment (emotional, moral, spiritual, intellectual) between adults and a child.

To successfully raise a child, parents must certainly correct their behavior, engage in self-education, and not set bad examples. If you want to get him to unquestioningly fulfill your requirements, which in fact you do not follow yourself, this will only be possible through coercive measures: the child will fulfill the requirements formally, out of fear of punishment. This fear ultimately gives rise to deception, hypocrisy, cunning ...

Do we understand our children? To understand a person means to see the reasons for his actions, to explain the motives that prompted him to act in a certain way. To learn to understand, it is necessary to reduce the overstated requirements, which he simply cannot fulfill.

The child's behavior can be explained by analyzing the conditions under which his development takes place. If the kid was constantly shouted at, physical punishment was used, he, most likely, will have a need to avoid such shocks and, as a result, such negative traits as deceit, fearfulness, distrustfulness, aggressiveness will appear ...

If the baby was protected from labor and adults did everything for him, the child becomes lazy, weak-willed, will avoid any business, which means that they will pretend, curry favor, trick, deceive.

Another option, when the baby was simply spoiled: they bought expensive things and toys, they did not refuse him anything. Such a child develops exorbitant aspirations, but at the same time an inability to take care of things and appreciate the work put into them. Remember that the lack of communication cannot be filled with expensive toys, things, the unquestioning fulfillment of all his desires.

The baby will poorly develop intelligence, thinking, the ability to experience, an interest in knowledge, if you have not read books to him, have little contact with him. After all, intellectual inclinations are laid from early childhood, so communicate with him, teach him to love books, but do not force him to read by force - you will get the opposite, negative effect.

Sometimes parents are very zealous in the education of their children. WITH early age hire tutors, give them to prestigious kindergartens and educational institutions with special biases, load music schools, dancing, etc. But somehow they forget to ask him himself if he likes all this. Note that very few children enjoy singing, dancing, or music.

Do not overload your baby with things that he is not interested in. Try to figure out his addictions and find an appropriate activity. Give him the right to choose, the right to decide for himself what to do.

From early childhood, develop the abilities of children. Awaken attention in their souls, arouse representations and observation. To do this, use the most various subjects, teach to describe them, tell about their purpose. Develop mental skills that will help your baby find himself in the future.

To develop a baby's feelings of love, compassion, you can have some kind of pet. He will proudly tell everyone that he has a hamster or a kitten. Show your child how to properly care for him, how to feed him, how to generally treat him. If you notice that he offends the animal, explain that he is also alive and in pain. Tell that the animal has lost its parents, it is very lonely, and it needs someone to take care of it.

Train him to take care of the animal himself, and you will see what the result will be. This will instill in him not only love for nature and animals, but will help to understand his significance, necessity for someone, relieve him of the feeling of loneliness. The child will look at your relationship with him with different eyes, which will help strengthen them.

Understand that what the baby is doing is extremely important to him, even if it seems to you that it is not so. Let me give you an example from my own practice. A young mother came to my reception and said: “One day my son came up to me and asked me to play with him. At that time, I watched an interesting program and explained to the kid that I was busy now, and I would play with him later. After a while, going into the child's room, I saw that he was putting a toy under the bed, then he took it out and put it back in. I called the child to dinner, to which I received the following answer: "I'm busy now, I'll come back later."

The woman did not know how to react to such an answer. This was repeated many times. I explained to the young mother that the child imitates her in everything, and, in his opinion, what he does is very important to him. Therefore, he does not understand his mother's indignation at his behavior. After all, he was waiting for the end of an important program for mom. So why doesn't she want to wait?

Sometimes, in order for a child to understand what care and respect is, he himself needs to take care of someone. For example, you came home from work, you are tired, you have a bad headache, and you are in trouble at work. The kid looks at you inquisitively, wondering why you are in such a state. Ask him to bring you a drink. Tell him, without going into details, that you were offended at work, let the baby show sympathy, let him pity you. So he will understand that you need him, you cannot live without him.

If you notice your baby has a tendency to lie, try to reveal the reason. Lies often arise from fear of punishment. Do not punish him too harshly, the more bodily cruel punishments... Try to find out why the child lied, delve into his problem. Perhaps, by talking to him, you will save him not only from this vice, fear, but also from other complexes.

Allow your baby to show your importance, reckon with his desires (reasonable, of course!). After all, self-expression is the main, urgent need of human nature.

Let your baby participate in your activities, whether you are mopping the floor or making breakfast. It is very important for him to feel that he is trusted to do something on an equal basis with adults. After all, children from an early age begin to imitate their parents, very quickly absorbing everything they see and hear. Involving the child in some business not only teaches him to work, but also brings him closer to his parents. Such a child will treat his parents with respect and understanding, to what they are doing.

It is not necessary to entrust the baby with something difficult, with which he is not able to cope. Give him a task that he can complete: wash the cup after him, dust off the table, and finally fold his toys. Praise him, tell him that he helped you a lot and without him you would not have coped.

Do not scream if your baby is trying to do something he is unable to cope with. See how he tries to do it, help him. Tell him he's done.

If, for example, you decide to sew something for yourself, and a daughter is spinning next to a doll, involve her in your occupation. Give some scraps of fabric, let him do something too. If something doesn't work out for her, help her. Do not forget about praise, because it means a lot to the child.

Or another situation: dad is making a shelf in the hallway. A little son is spinning nearby, grabbing tools, nails, "getting tangled" underfoot. Do not drive him away, do not be afraid that he will hit himself in the fingers with a hammer or drop the tool on his leg. Let him help, say that without him nothing will work. Give such a task that he will happily complete it and that it is safe for him. You will see an amazing result when the son proudly tells everyone that he and his dad made the shelf.

Joint games, which bring not only pleasure, but also educational information, have a very positive effect on the relationship with the child. Children's games are their main occupation, but they should be directed in such a way that they stimulate the harmonious activity of all the mental abilities of the baby, avoiding one-sidedness.

Offer him a game for speed, for example, who will collect the pyramid faster. Of course, you should give in, and when the little one proudly shows that he did it first, praise him.

Playing with your baby or doing something, you get closer to him. The child is interested in you, you are one whole.

Walking is very beneficial for family relationships. You've probably often seen the picture when the baby, tightly holding the hands of dad and mom, proudly walks on a walk. Run with him, play some games, swing on a swing, roll in the snow or throw snowballs at the target. Joint walks not only cheer up, contribute to the best physical development baby, but also strengthen the relationship.

Small children, it would seem, at such an ignorant age, surprisingly subtly perceive any, including the most intimate, feelings of their parents. Under normal conditions, it is the harmonious combination of these feelings that creates a sense of confidence and happiness in the child.

In order for mutual understanding and trust to exist between you, you must give all your love and attention to the baby, from early childhood teach you to work, respect adults, and value friendship. Give him as much attention as possible, do not dismiss his childhood problems as an annoying fly.

Try to become your child a real friend, and then you will see his shining eyes and understand that for him you are not just a mother, an object of adoration and admiration, reliable protection and support, you are his most loyal and reliable friend.