Children are the most valuable thing in everyone's life. We try to educate them the best we can. But sometimes there are situations when mom and dad do not know how to act correctly in a given situation. In such a situation, the advice of a psychologist to parents can help solve the most pressing problems. What should you pay attention to when raising your child?

What is education - the opinion of J. Gippenreiter

How to raise a child so as not to harm him?

Your child is unique. He is not like anyone, including you. The child is not a copy of you, so you cannot require him to implement the life script you wrote.

Your child is an independent person, with their own strengths, weaknesses, abilities, desires and preferences. Give him the right to choose in everything. Let him make his own decisions at crucial moments. Focus on his strengths and positive qualities. Accept him the way he is.

Main advice- love and trust

Feel free to love your child and show it. Do not be afraid that you will "fall in love" with him.

He must feel in you a reliable support in life and understand that you will support him in any situation. Try to take the child on your knees as often as possible, look into his eyes, hug and kiss. Weasel is best method encouragement.

At the same time, do not allow permissiveness in education. It is necessary that some limits and prohibitions are established in your family, which you need to strictly adhere to.

Tip #1 from child psychologist Y. Gippenreiter

Before you punish, stop and think about whether the child really deserves to be punished now. After all, at first you can try to solve the issue with the help of affection and requests. If the punishment is indeed motivated, then it is necessary to clearly explain the reason for the punishment.

Do not forget what a huge role play plays in a child's life. It is in the game moments that you can convey to the baby everything that he needs to know. It is with the help of the game that you can tell the baby about life values ​​and priorities. The game helps children and parents to understand each other better.

Advice No. 2 from child psychologist J. Gippenreiter

It is necessary not to forget about the importance of communication with the child, try to do this as often as possible. Teach your child to express their feelings and emotions. This will help the child in understanding other people and their behavior.

The style of your attitude towards the child affects not only the behavior of the child, but also on his mental health. If your child feels negative towards himself, this can cause manifestations of hidden aggression.

Advice No. 3 from child psychologist J. Gippenreiter

Remember that how you communicate with a child depends on his ability to empathize with others, to feel emotions, both positive and negative. When communicating with a child, remember that the process of communication requires an understanding of your interlocutor, his feelings and emotions.

The most common mistakes parents make when raising children

Never compare your child to anyone else. This will only have negative consequences, as it can cause psychological trauma to your little man. Also, such behavior of adults contributes to the development of negativism, selfishness and envy.

Advice No. 6 from child psychologist J. Gippenreiter

How to make communication between parents and children effective?

In the process of communicating with the child, make every effort to ensure that the child understands that you understand him. emotional condition, mood, feelings associated with the situation that he tells you about. All that is needed for this is to listen carefully to the child, and then unobtrusively repeat in your own words what the child told you. So you give the child the opportunity to sort out his feelings, he will understand that you hear and listen to him.

If a child talks to you about his problem, this is already a successful start in order to get rid of it.

When you communicate with a child, try to carefully monitor his gestures and facial expressions. Sometimes children do not want to upset us and say that everything is fine. But if you look closely at their non-verbal way of expressing their feelings (the chin is trembling, the eyes are shining or “in a wet place”), then you can immediately guess the true feelings of the child.

Try to support the child in any situation, even without words. To do this, you can use all possible tactile methods: a smile, a hug, a wink, a nod of the head, a look into the eyes.

You may not be ready to answer every question. But try not to answer the child's questions in a mocking tone, because he is able to betray you better than your words and eyes.

Parental quarrels adversely affect the psyche of the child

By maintaining a conversation, you need to demonstrate your interest in the topic of your communication. You can ask the following questions: “Wow! And what happened then?”, “Oh, how interesting! Tell me…"

When you spend time with your child, use games that are familiar to you from childhood. For example, for the development fine motor skills- sort out the buckwheat. To develop coordination, allow the child to climb trees. In order to develop speech and horizons - talk to your child. In the process of communication, many subtle psychological problems can be solved.

Help your child relieve muscle and nerve tension. This can be done with massage or even light rubbing of the body. If it is not possible to do the above procedures, just hug the child, stroke him on the head and tell him how much you love him.

Caress and hugs are very important for a child.

Praise the child - how to do it right?

The most important thing to remember about praise is that every child needs to be supported and praised. All actions of the child should begin with a sense of success, which should be manifested not only at the end, but also at the beginning of any business. The task of parents is to create conditions for feeling a sense of success, the joy of searching, overcoming.

However, parents face the question of what and how to properly praise the child, what actions or features of his personality should be emphasized and focused on. Here the main answer will not be praised for, but how to do it.

Your sincere approval and boasting can truly work wonders. This will give the child the opportunity to believe in themselves and their abilities.

Why not praise? First of all, one cannot praise for something that is already so easily given to a child or given by nature. It is necessary to praise for the work and effort that the child has made. If you approve of the mere presence of certain abilities, then this is unlikely to bring any positive result for the development of the child. On the contrary, such a style of communication can only hurt, especially if it is often repeated.

Advice number 7 from child psychologist J. Gippenreiter

If you constantly praise your child unnecessarily, he will get used to it and will constantly expect and demand praise. This can cause problems in communicating with people around him. Since the child will be sure of his complete superiority over others. This is fraught with manifestations of egocentrism and the formation of inflated and inadequate self-esteem. He will constantly expect admiration and praise from others. If praise stops, it will cause psychological discomfort in the child, which in the future will lead to envy, petty resentment, jealousy of someone else's success, suspicion and other qualities.

It is highly undesirable to praise a child for what comes easy to him in front of those for whom it is almost impossible or very difficult to do.

This can be very traumatic for the child's psyche. This can lead to a decrease in motivation to work. Such an unfair opposition will not cause a desire to take an example from the one who is unfairly praised. On the contrary, it can only cause a feeling of oppression and resentment.

Helpful last tip

You can not praise too often, when there is no obvious need for it. At the same time, praise depreciates, causing a feeling of cheap success. There is a thoughtless attitude to what adults say.

Praise should be for a specific act, for the achievements of the child, and not for the personal qualities of the child. Otherwise, you can form an overestimated self-esteem and high conceit. If in the future the child sees that others are not so enthusiastic about him, then this will lead to the appearance of neuroses and hysterical character traits.

Yurkevich Margarita Igorevna

Educational psychologist

MBDOU Kindergarten No. 40 "Friendship",

Stavropol Territory, Pyatigorsk

Draw up and hang up in a conspicuous place the rules of conduct in your family. Work them out with other family members and your child. Rules can be abstract (“behave well”), but it’s better if they are specific (eg “don’t say bad words”). Familiarize your child with the rules.

If the rules are not followed, punishment follows. Punishment should not be physical! This may be depriving the child of certain benefits or the “time-out rule” works well. If you see that the child is “overflowing”, then a warning follows first. If he violates the rule(s), then he is taken to the "place for naughty", and they explain why he is punished and how long he will stay here. If the child screams, spits, etc., ignore him. No extra words needed! Keep calm and equanimity. At the end of the punishment time, approach the child and ask: “Does he know why he ended up here?”(answer). "I would like you to apologize."

Compliance with the rules is strictly for all family members. The best way to teach something is to show by example.

Punishment follows immediately after the offense. Do not use the words: “Here I will show you now ...” followed by nothing.

Always follow a clear regimen and daily routine on weekdays and weekends, under any circumstances.

If a child calls you names, then this should be included in the rules - prohibitions, in case of violation -\u003e punishment, or ignore the child, telling him that if he says or thinks so, then "I do not want to communicate with you."

If the child is naughty and throws a tantrum, then:

a) hug him, hugging him to you and calming him, verbalizing his emotions (“I know you are angry because ...”)

b) leave the child in a safe place, depriving him of spectators.

8. Do not scold, but criticize the child! This means to say to the child’s misconduct not “you are a bad boy (girl)”, but “you are good (s), but now you have done (a) badly.”

9. Praise your child at every opportunity, encourage his good behavior.

10. Teach your child to be independent. Divide responsibilities within the family. Let everyone have their own “front of work”. And the child does what he can, participates in the discussion of family problems.

11. Give your child the right to choose and listen to his opinion.

12. Adhere to a single parenting style in the family.

13. Do not give your child "loopholes" in education. He must not see:

a) that mom, dad says and demands one thing, but does another;

b) that mom and dad have different views on education or grandparents interfere in the process;

c) that today it is impossible, but tomorrow it is possible;

d) today this is followed by punishment, but not tomorrow;

e) today there is a regime, but tomorrow suddenly there is none.

14. Spend time productively with your child - in reading, in the discussion of the cartoon, in the game, in joint activities.

15. If the child is aggressive, then look for the roots of the problem. More often than not, problems lie in imitating our behavior or the behavior of cartoon characters, games. Correct this area. No violence either in life or on the screen. Teach kindness, replace games, cartoons with alternative activities: reading, modeling, games, drawing.

16. Give out aggression in the form of outdoor games, sports, art.

17. Do not sort things out in front of a child!

18. Always voice your emotions (“I am angry with you”, “I am unhappy with you”, “I am offended”, “I am proud of you”) and teach your child to do the same.

19. Know the "sharp corners" in communicating with your child and try to smooth them out. Anticipate the moment of explosion. Stop bad behavior in the bud.

20. If you feel that you are ready to explode, stop and count to 10. Know how to admit your mistakes, know how to apologize to the child and he will learn to admit where he was wrong. Talk to each other about everything and repeat more often that you love your child.

1. Tell your son or daughter, "People should be easy with you." Don't be afraid to repeat it.

2. When you scold a child, do not use the expressions: “You always”, “You in general”, “Forever you”. Your child is generally and always good, he just did something wrong today, tell him about it.

3. Do not part with the child in a quarrel, first make peace, and then go about your business.

4. Try to keep the child attached to the house, returning home, do not forget to say: "But still, how good it is at home."

5. Inspire your child with a well-known formula mental health: "You're good, but not better than others."

6. Our conversations with children are often poor, so every day read aloud with children (even with a teenager) a good book, this will greatly enrich your spiritual communication.

7. In disputes with a child, give in at least sometimes so that they do not feel that they are always wrong. By doing this, you and your children will be taught to give in, to admit mistakes and defeats.

I would like to dwell on the recommendations that must be followed during the preparation stage so as not to discourage the child from learning.

Avoid excessive demands. Don't ask your child everything at once. Your requirements should correspond to the level of development of his skills and cognitive abilities. Do not forget that such important and necessary qualities as diligence, accuracy, responsibility are not formed immediately. The child is still learning to manage himself, organize his activities and really needs support, understanding and approval from adults. The task of fathers and mothers is to be patient and help the child.

Right to be wrong. It is important that the child is not afraid to make mistakes. If something doesn't work out for him, don't scold him. Otherwise, he will be afraid to make mistakes, he will believe that he cannot do anything. Even an adult, when he learns something new, not everything immediately succeeds. If you notice a mistake, draw the attention of the child to it and offer to correct it. And be sure to praise. Praise for even the smallest success.

Don't think for the child. When helping a child complete a task, don't interfere with everything he does. Otherwise, the child will begin to think that he is not able to cope with the task on his own. Do not think and do not decide for him, otherwise he will very quickly realize that he has no reason to study, his parents will still help to solve everything.

Do not miss the first difficulties. Pay attention to any difficulties your child has and seek professional help as needed. If the child has health problems, be sure to take treatment, as future training loads can significantly worsen the child's condition. If something bothers you in your behavior, do not hesitate to seek help and advice from a psychologist. If your child has speech problems, visit a speech therapist.

Have holidays. Be sure to arrange small holidays. The reason for this is not difficult to come up with. Rejoice in his success. May you and your child have a good mood.

Children of choleric temperament:

· They are active, quickly get down to business and bring it to the end.

· They love mass games and competitions, often organize them themselves.

· Active in the classroom, easily included in the work.

· It is difficult for them to perform activities that require smooth movements, a slow and calm pace.

· They show impatience, sharpness of movements, impetuosity, so he can make many mistakes, write letters unevenly, not add words, etc.

· Unrestrained, quick-tempered, incapable of self-control in emotional circumstances.

· Touchy and angry, the state of resentment and anger can be stable and prolonged.

· To develop in a child the ability to slow down himself, unwanted reactions.

· We must constantly and persistently demand calm and deliberate answers, calm and unsharp movements.

· Cultivate restraint in behavior and relationships with comrades and adults.

· AT labor activity to cultivate consistency, accuracy and order in work.

· Encourage initiative.

· Speak in a calm, quiet voice.

Activities and hobbies.

The main thing is to turn this frenzied energy in the right direction. Cholerics are especially recommended to engage in mobile sports - this will give an outlet to the desire for leadership, training will teach you to control your movements, calculate strength. A choleric person needs a lot of living space, be with him more often in nature and do not forget that, left to himself, a fearless choleric person can easily get into an unpleasant adventure. It's better to explore unfamiliar places with him.

To compensate for being too hasty and inattentive, help him realize that quality is often more important than speed. Your motto is less is better! To strengthen the inhibitory processes, engage in designing, drawing, manual labor, needlework. Remember that you will have to constantly ensure that he checks his work and completes it to the end. Try not to get annoyed if he is distracted, and in every possible way encourage any manifestation of diligence and patience. Teach him to say first aloud, then silently the stages of work and follow his plan.

Communication.

It is especially important to teach him how to build relationships in a team - after all, you cannot be with him all the time. Encourage your child to analyze his behavior, sort out conflict situations with him, discuss books and films, and speak out options for correct behavior.

Self-control will be helped by an elementary account to yourself, and breathing exercises. Show him a way to release accumulated emotions - let him beat a sports bag, throw a pillow into a corner: everything is better than venting anger in public.

His desire to be the first can also be used for peaceful purposes. Give him the role of explainer, teacher, and you will have a good chance, playing on the pride of the leader, to teach him to be more patient and attentive. Just do not let it take its course - constantly emphasize that an adult, experienced person knows how to control his emotions and take into account the interests of other people.

A choleric child loves to read about heroic deeds and adventures - admire the endurance, patience and foresight of his favorite characters, buy books where heroes win precisely due to willpower and the ability to get along with people around them. In no case do not shame him in front of everyone, do not use the "good boy Vasya" as an example, this will only cause anger.

Do you recognize your child in this description? Then be patient and try to understand that the choleric person himself would be glad to learn how to control himself - help him.

Sanguine children

· They have great liveliness.

· They are always ready to take part in any business and often take on a lot at once.

· They can quickly cool off to the work they have begun.

· They take an ardent part in games, but in the process of playing they tend to constantly change their role.

· They can easily get offended and cry, but insults are quickly forgotten.

· Tears are quickly replaced by smiles or laughter.

· Emotional experiences are often shallow.

· Mobility often turns into a lack of proper concentration, haste, and sometimes superficiality.

· Cultivate perseverance, sustainable interests, more serious attitude to any business.

· Learn to be responsible for your promises

· Let them feel the benefits of fidelity in friendship, in sympathy.

Recommendations for teachers and parents: activities and hobbies. Sanguine people also need an active lifestyle, but in sports they will not be very striving for results. They are interested in the process itself, find him a good friendly coach and do not try to make him a professional athlete against his wishes. Parents should place the main emphasis in the classroom on the ability to focus on the work performed and bring it to the end. Constructors, puzzles, needlework, model building and other games that require attention and care will help develop composure and accuracy. You can be demanding with sanguine people and, of course, you should not go too far. You may well ask him to redo the work and evaluate the result for yourself.

You should not support a sanguine person in his desire for a frequent change of activity. Help him deepen his understanding of the subject he has taken up. Usually it is important for such children to help step over the threshold of the next difficulties, and they will set to work with renewed vigor. If this is not done, the child will give up the next hobby as soon as it requires unusual efforts from him.

It is very important to encourage the perseverance of such children, diligence and determination and gradually raise the bar of requirements, achieving sustainability and effectiveness.

Do not let him miss classes too often if he attends a circle, make sure that he does not forget about the "little things" in the work, point out to him how sloppy and unreliable his product looks if it is made without observing the "unnecessary", according to child, rules, patiently teach him to make out homework or drawing. And, of course, praise him, rejoice at his successes, be surprised at the results and tell how interesting it will be later, when he advances even more in his studies.

Communication. Discuss with your child his relationships with peers and loved ones, encourage him to think about what in his behavior can offend or please others. Try to interest him in classes in the theater circle.

Is your child just that "sunshine"? Then forgive him inconstancy - this is not a vice, but a feature of temperament. Help him correct his character, and he will grow up to be a reliable, stress-resistant, sociable and successful person.

Children of phlegmatic temperament

· Feelings are weakly expressed.

· Calm and even demeanor.

· Uncommunicative, do not touch anyone, do not hurt.

· If they are called to a quarrel, they usually try to avoid it.

· Not prone to moving and noisy games.

· Not touchy and usually not disposed to fun.

· Help them overcome some laziness.

· Develop greater mobility and sociability.

· Do not allow them to show indifference to activities, lethargy, inertia.

· More often forced to work in the classroom.

· Arouse in them an emotional attitude to what they themselves and their comrades are doing.

Activities and hobbies. Do not be afraid to trust the child, he is responsible and thorough enough to complete the assigned work. Your motto should be famous folk saying- the quieter you go, the further you'll get. True, from time to time disturb the excessively slow phlegmatic so that he does not fall asleep completely. Tell him interesting news from the outside world, develop creative thinking drawing, music, chess. He may be interested in those sports that do not require a quick reaction.

Communication.It is extremely important to teach him to understand the feelings and emotions of other people. Discuss with him the motives of the actions of his peers, relatives or favorite heroes. When discussing, try to make him speak more, and not you, help him form his opinion and defend it, otherwise he will behave stereotypically, adjusting to the behavior of others and borrowing their point of view.

On the other hand, if the phlegmatic is not shown in time that there are people with other views on life, he will ensure that those around him methodically observe all the rules that he himself has established for himself. A stubborn bore - that's who you risk growing if you don't teach him tolerance. Such a "white crow" may not be upset if most of his peers do not communicate with him. Those who do not want to live like him, the phlegmatic will calmly classify as "wrong" people, and will not worry about the lack of attention to his person. Therefore, often other people have more problems with the phlegmatic than the phlegmatic with them. Help him learn to understand and accept views that are different from his own.

Children with a melancholic temperament

· They behave quietly and modestly, often embarrassed when asked questions.

· It is not easy to cheer or offend them, but the evoked feeling of resentment persists for a long time.

· They do not immediately get to work or join the game, but if they take up any business, they show constancy and stability in this.

· Softness, tact, sensitivity and goodwill in relations with these children.

· In the classroom, ask more often, creating a calm environment during the answer.

· Approval, praise, encouragement play an important role, which helps to strengthen self-confidence.

· Developing efficiency, remember that these guys quickly overwork.

· Develop sociability.

Activities and hobbies. The melancholic is hardly involved in collective games, but, having managed to overcome himself, he enjoys having fun with everyone. Help him get into the game, teach him how to get acquainted, rehearse the first phrases with which he will approach unfamiliar peers. Reassure him that failure doesn't make him worse than everyone else. Your motto in dealing with a melancholic is "People make mistakes."

For a melancholic, it is important to constantly receive the support of loved ones. Praise, praise and praise again, look for positive moments even in failures. For example, if something did not work out, praise him for deciding to do this at all. Switch his attention to the result of the activity, and not to the assessment. Ask him to show you his achievements, admire and rejoice for him. Emphasize that you are confident in his abilities and know that he will be able to cope with the task. Tell him about it, remind him of past successes.

Teach him to take a mistake as a clue to future success, calmly sort out without negative evaluations what the failure was, and discuss how to act next time. Entrust him with cases with which he will surely cope and the result of which will be able to be appreciated by as many people around him as possible. If he draws, make a funny wall newspaper with him for a school holiday, play - learn a popular song with him; ask the teacher to read it in front of the whole class best essay if he writes well... This will help him gain confidence to solve more complex problems.

Communication.Such children most often feel like a "black sheep" in a team and suffer from this, despite the fact that they do not experience a great need for communication. It is difficult for an insecure melancholic to enter into new class to participate in common activities and entertainment. Try to become for him the very close person whom he can trust. Do not divulge his secrets, do not criticize too much. Philosophize with him, discuss the situations that you observed, demonstrate that you are very interested in listening to his stories about yourself, his thoughts about the world around him. Teach him to find a way out of conflict situations, to defend his opinion, but in no case put pressure on him.

If a melancholic feels comfortable in a team, he can play the role of a think tank, a kind of gray eminence, and be respected for his invention and ingenuity.

REMINDER FOR PARENTS. DIFFICULTIES IN COMMUNICATION WITH THE CHILD

Types of bad behavior. What do they show up in. How to correct a child's behavior.

The goal that the child unconsciously pursues	Child behavior	Adult reaction	Child's response to adults' reaction
1. Draw attention to yourself	Whines, makes noise, intervenes in a conversation, does not obey, etc.	Pay attention and get irritated	Stops for a while, then starts again	1.Ignore 2. Pay attention when behaving well. 3. Ask a question: “Maybe you want me to pay (a) attention to you?”
2. Show what has power over others	Refuses to do what is asked of him	Tries to use his power to get things done, gets angry	Stubborn or reinforce defiance	Avoid power struggles
3. Pay back, take revenge, take revenge	Harms or spoils things, may offend	They consider the child vile and evil, feel anger, resentment	Feels offended, seeks to repay more for it	Do not show your anger and resentment
4. Demonstrate your inability and inadequacy	Unable to learn independent skills, needs help	Agree that the child is not capable of anything	Remains helpless	Check the abilities and capabilities of the child, let him know that they believe in him.

TEN COMMANDMENTS TO FATHERS AND MOTHERS

1. Accept the child as he is.

2. Never order on a whim. No pointless orders. Not interfering in a child's life is just as dangerous as interfering incessantly.

3. Never make decisions alone. Golden Rule family life- diarchy. When father and mother contradict each other, this is an entertaining sight for a child.

4. Keep trust in someone who will contradict you.

5. In terms of gifts - no frills. We have forgotten how to refuse children. Refusal brings more benefit, because it teaches you to distinguish the necessary from the superfluous.

6. Lead by example in everything. You can only achieve what you do yourself.

7. Talk about everything without fear. Speech is gold and silence is lead.

8. Connect with yours. The family is a private republic. Everything should be done together - household crafts, washing dishes, shopping, cleaning, choosing entertainment, travel routes.

9. Keep the door open. Sooner or later you will not keep children, teenagers, youth in the house. It's never too early to learn freedom.

Get out at the right time! This commandment invariably evokes sadness. Sooner or later parents will be left alone. There's nothing to be done, any parenting career involves this sacrifice.

HEALTHY FAMILYHAS THE FOLLOWING QUALITIES:

1. This is a family in which good, honest, open communication has been established.

2. The family has adopted rules and a certain style of behavior, flexible in application.

3. Parents and children communicate with each other with pleasure and respect.

4. Parents and children help each other.

5. Everyone takes a caring and disinterested part in creating family well-being.

6. Parents and children listen to each other and are willing to help each other.

7. Family members not only listen, but also hear what the other says and take it to heart.

8. Most problems are solved jointly.

9. The main emphasis is on "we" and not on "I".

There is no doubt that this list can be significantly expanded. But the main thing is that families that have these qualities are characterized by stability and will function as a healthy family system. In such families, children feel safe and grow up in an atmosphere of common love.

PASSIVE CHILD

1. The approach to such a child should be gradual.

2. Help him express his emotions and experiences in a more acceptable way.

3. Find out what circumstances caused the child to have such a state.

4. Encourage the child to express their feelings in a game or confidential conversation.

5. Achieve his trust and location.

6.Help your child gain self-confidence. Only then can he get out of the care of an adult he trusts and learn to get along with new people himself.

7. To form cognitive motivation for learning.

8. To develop the child's independence, responsibility for their actions.

9. Praise the child for any manifestation of activity and independence.

10. Develop communication skills.

11. It is desirable that the child attends sports sections, circles, etc.

12. Visit museums, exhibitions, theaters with your child, thereby developing his cognitive activity.

IN ORDER TO OPTIMIZE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A GROWING CHILD, PSYCHOLOGISTS RECOMMEND:

1. Change the style of attitude towards a teenager, discard the old forms of communication that are acceptable for a child, but unacceptable for a teenager.

2. Speak to your teen in a respectful tone - as someone whose opinion counts.

3. Be patient with outbursts and calmly explain that such behavior is unworthy of an adult guy or girl.

4. Discussions are very useful, but it is desirable that you do not always have the upper hand in them, be winners. When proving this or that position, acknowledge the correctness of the son or daughter in some point, and at the same time show his inconsistency in judgments.

5. The main method of influencing adolescents is persuasion such as evidence, as well as indirect suggestion.

6. On the mistakes and mistakes of a teenager, teach them to follow the advice of their elders, to show patience.

7. Promote awareness, deepening of interests, hobbies (socially acceptable).

8. Do not weaken your interest in extracurricular school activities, class events.

9. Manage your choice of friends carefully and skillfully. As if by chance, open your son's or daughter's eyes to the positive and negative qualities of his friends, talk about the consequences of bad influences. Cultivate will and self-confidence as barriers against unwanted suggestions.

10. Evaluate not the personality of a teenager, but his actions. Speak the language of feelings (not “you are a scoundrel”, but “your act upset me, I worry, feel bitterness, indignation ...”).

11. Try to ensure the unity of the requirements of all family members; unity of requirements in the family and school.

12. Try to eliminate the inconsistency of requirements (when it is expected from him either childish obedience or adult independence.)

Remember! The style of interaction that a teenager develops with his parents is also reflected in relationships with other people.

1. Be frank with your children about the circumstances that led to the formation of the family in its current composition.

2. In the event of a divorce, death, or departure of a parent from the family, reassure the children that this is not their fault.

3. Be sympathetic to children's feelings of anger, anxiety, or possibly confusion.

4. If possible, do not change the way your family life.

5. Try to separate the responsibilities as much as possible. Do not try to compensate children for the loss of a parent by taking on a large number responsibilities.

6. Be frank when you discuss your relationship with your spouse, but at the same time be sensitive to what and how you say so as not to offend the feelings of the children by throwing mud at the other parent. Do not instill in children the belief that your spouse will return home, unless you yourself see such an opportunity, because this can give children false hope, and subsequently turn into severe disappointment.

7. Don't use your children as a bargaining chip or as a bargaining chip between you and your spouse.

8. Do not encourage gossip, do not require children to report everything that was said by the spouse at their meeting.

9. Reassure the children that they will be loved and cared for just like before.

10. Do not allow yourself to speak out against your spouse's family.

11. Children, even very young ones, should know everything that happened. It is not recommended to lie to the rescue like: "Dad needs to go on a trip for a few months."

12. If possible, let the children stay in the same place, with the same neighbors and attend the same school. This will reduce the number of radical changes that have fallen on children.

RULES AND STANDARDS OF BEHAVIOR

"How to Love Your Child"

Rule One

To be able to listen to your child always and everywhere, surrendering to this listening entirely and completely, without interrupting the child, while not brushing him off like an annoying fly, showing patience and tact.

Rule Two

To be able to speak to your child as if you would like to be spoken to you, showing gentleness, respect, excluding edification, rudeness and rudeness.

Rule Three

To punish, not humiliating, but preserving the dignity of the child, instilling hope for correction.

Rule Four

It is possible to achieve success in education only when parents are an example for positive imitation every day.

Rule Five

Admit your mistakes, ask for forgiveness for wrong actions and deeds, be fair in assessing yourself and others.

Psychological support is one of the most important factors determining the success of your child in passing the unified state exam. How to support a graduate?

There are false ways, the so-called "support traps". So, typical ways for parents to support a child are overprotection, creating a teenager's dependence on an adult, imposing unrealistic standards, and stimulating rivalry with peers. Genuine support should be based on emphasizing abilities, opportunities - positive aspects child.

To support a child means to believe in him. Support is based on the belief in the innate ability of the individual to overcome life's difficulties with the support of those whom she considers significant to herself. Adults have many opportunities to demonstrate to the child their satisfaction with his achievements or efforts. Another way is to teach a teenager to cope with various tasks by creating in him the installation: "You can do it."

To show faith in a child, a parent must have the courage and desire to do the following:

Forget about the past failures of the child;

Help the child gain confidence that he will cope with this task;

Remember past successes and return to them, not mistakes.

There are words that support children, for example: “Knowing you, I am sure that you will do everything well”, “You do it very well”. You can support through individual words, touches, joint actions, physical complicity, facial expressions.

SO TO SUPPORT YOUR CHILD YOU NEED:

1. Build on the strengths of the child;

2. Avoid emphasizing the child's mistakes;

3. Show faith in the child, sympathy for him, confidence in his abilities;

4. Create an atmosphere of friendliness and respect at home, be able and willing to demonstrate love and respect for the child;

5. Be both firm and kind, but do not act as a judge;

6. Support your child. Show that you understand his feelings.

To be good parents is not an easy task, so millions couples study various books and manuals on how to properly handle your child. By applying 12 parenting tips, many moms and dads have already achieved success. So what is their secret? What rules do they follow to create harmonious relationship with your children?

1. Patience at the limit is normal.

How often does it happen that children do not pay attention to the comments of their parents, and sometimes even violently resist their instructions. When it comes critical moment, moms and dads give up - give way to the child. By doing so, they want to keep the peace, by being patient, they want to be "good parents." But thus parents lose their authority- if the children press hard, then under pressure they will get what they want.

It is important to remember that everyone can lose patience, we are all human and everyone can lose their temper, there is nothing wrong with that. It is actually difficult to contain anger and irritation, especially if children do everything as if for evil. The child must understand that you do not like this behavior, you cannot follow the lead of your son or daughter. Allow your emotions to come out rather than hiding them inside yourself, let the child and yourself understand that you do not agree with the situation. The accumulated negativity will subsequently find a way out, only then can all family members suffer, and children most of all.

2. Teach your child to enjoy a toy, not to count its price.

When purchasing an expensive toy for a baby, parents often ask to treat it with special trepidation, constantly reminding them of how much it costs. But for a child, this does not matter, because he still cannot evaluate things and objects based on their monetary costs.

Understanding the value of money will come to him later, and when children are small, they are equally interested in playing with both simple trinkets and expensive toys. Even playing with a simple sheet of paper or a package sometimes seems more exciting to them than with a radio-controlled helicopter.

3. Punishment is a manifestation of love

Do you consider yourself bad parents if you have to punish children? When a son or daughter does stupid things, you have the right to be angry with them, and therefore punish them. Reprimand is a loving measure, without it the child will not learn to see the boundaries of what is permitted.

Thanks to timely punishment, children begin to understand that each of their actions has its own consequences. they grow up to be responsible for their actions. Remember that being good parents does not mean at all that you need to turn a blind eye to the bad behavior of your child and allow him everything.

4. Don't be afraid to say no

How nice it is to answer in the affirmative to all the requests of the kids, because they are so sincerely happy! But a constant “yes” can lead to relationship problems years later. A child who is not accustomed to rejection will eventually begin to demand more and more, then what should parents do? Will they be able to fulfill all the whims and requests of a teenager?

Don't be afraid to say no to young children, be firm when needed by saying your firm "no". Having refused a child for the first time, you may meet with a rebuff in the form of tears, whims, tantrums, but do not give in, if the decision is made, stick to your word. Once having yielded to the baby under the influence of whims, it will subsequently become even more difficult to refuse him something else.

5. Raise your children to be self-reliant.

By not trusting children to do small tasks around the house, doing all the work for them, you will achieve only one thing - when they grow up, they will not be able to do basic things, such as heat their own food or wash the dishes. It is necessary to teach a child to be independent from an early age. Contact them with a request to help collect toys, wipe the dust.

If the daughter wants to wash the plate, let her, even if the result is not the best, still praise the girl for her initiative and diligence. Never tell a child that he will not succeed, do not do the work for him. Such words will discourage you from taking on any business at all in the future. By doing this, parents do not give the kids the opportunity to develop independence.

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6. Do not deprive yourself of the right to rest

The responsibility of raising children is a job that requires constant effort and attention, and besides, it is around the clock. You can’t quit her job, you can’t get a vacation either. But moms and dads still need to rest to recuperate. Sometimes it’s worth taking a so-called day off.

Teach your child to understand your sleep and rest needs. Explain that while mom is lying down, children can do something interesting - draw, make a plasticine figure, or just watch cartoons. Teach them to play quietly and not to make numerous requests to mom when she is resting. However, observe the measure - kids should not be left unattended by adults for a long time, you will be rested, but the child will be left to himself.

7. Form the habit of eating right from an early age

Complete and proper nutrition in early age- what you need to teach your children, because human health depends on it. If you choose healthy foods Let your child adopt this habit from you. It is a mistake to believe that while children are small, they can eat everything - both sweets and chips. This does not mean that babies should only eat cereals and vegetables, but fast food or other unhealthy foods should not be included in their daily diet.

Grandmothers pose the greatest danger here - they constantly think that their grandchildren are hungry, offering them either pies or pancakes. Tactfully, but strictly explain to elderly relatives that, by showing excessive care and love for babies, they harm their health.

8. Having children is not the end of life.

Being a parent does not mean giving up your own interests and entertainment. Of course, moms and dads don't have as much time to meet friends and go to the movies as they used to before the kids were born. But to completely deprive yourself of some emotional discharge it is forbidden. It is important to learn how to combine parental responsibilities with your interests, to find a middle ground.

9. Take an interest in the child's life

By showing interest in what your baby is doing and enjoying, you are building a solid foundation for good relations in future. In early childhood, a child can enthusiastically tell you about Pokemon, Peppa Pig and other favorite characters, new toys and cartoons.

Delving into the words of children, getting to know their world, you become close friends. When the baby grows up, he will begin to share with you already more adult problems and hobbies, knowing that you will not dismiss him, but support and listen.

10. Parents need to be able to ask for forgiveness

Basing your upbringing on the principle “mother is always right” and stubbornly not admitting your mistakes is fundamentally wrong. Everyone makes mistakes - both children and adults. And since you are teaching your child to ask for forgiveness for his misdeeds, be so kind as to follow your own rules and also admit your guilt.

Yes, it can be difficult, but there is nothing to be ashamed of. Such objective observance of the rules in your family will allow you to build harmonious and warm relations with your child on an equal footing.

11. The limit has come - take a time out

There are situations when the atmosphere heats up almost to the limit, when emotions, replacing each other, overwhelm and are ready to splash out. In this case, it is worth taking a time out - ask your grandmother or a friend to take the children for at least an hour or two to give yourself the opportunity to restore calm.

You feel that the peak of emotional overexcitation is coming, stop, go to another room at least for 20 minutes, take a shower, think about the upcoming trip to the sea. So you will avoid many conflict situations and learn to remain calm.

12. Your children are the best in the world

For parents, their child, even an adult (namely, a child for you, he will be both at 5 and at 45) will always be the best, beautiful, smart, sweet and kind. Do not be afraid of your feelings, but show them as often as possible. Some mothers and fathers believe that excessive love and care will only spoil their children, so they begin to criticize them. Do not deprive the child of support and tenderness, because they are more effective than any educational measures.

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