A kind of selectively personal relationship between people, characterized by mutual recognition, trust, benevolence, care. Historically, D. is born from the ints of a late tribal society (the corresponding Greek word is philia, t ... Philosophical Encyclopedia

friendship- a type of stable, individually selective interpersonal relationships, characterized by the mutual attachment of their participants, the strengthening of affiliation processes, mutual expectations of reciprocal feelings and preference. The development of D. involves ... ... Great Psychological Encyclopedia

friendship- Friendship ♦ Amitié The joy of love, or love that is pure joy, unclouded by passion or longing. This does not mean that friendship excludes these feelings: you can yearn for the absence of a friend, you can passionately love him. But this is not…… Philosophical Dictionary of Sponville

There is equality. Pythagoras Disinterested friendship is possible only between people with the same income. Paul Getty, billionaire The richer your friends, the more it costs you. Elizabeth Marbury Friendship is so holy, sweet, lasting and ... ... Consolidated encyclopedia of aphorisms

Friendship, friendliness, benevolence, harmony, peace, consent, familiarity, a short acquaintance, twinning, (good) friendliness, amikoshonstvo, love, fraternization, unity, communication; friendship is sincere, hypocritical, canine, close. Do something friendly... Synonym dictionary

Friendship! Genre ... Wikipedia

Friendship. Friendship. That love does not exist anymore, How people die for each other. Wed Having rolled down from a mountain height, An oak tree lay on the dust, broken by thunderbolts, And with it a flexible ivy, entwined around it ... Oh friendship, it's you! ... Zhukovsky. Friendship. Wed… … Michelson's Big Explanatory Phraseological Dictionary (original spelling)

FRIENDSHIP, friendship, pl. no, female Close friendships, close acquaintance due to affection and location. Long-term friendship. Do it for me as a friend. Make friends with someone (see lead). ❖ Not in service, but in friendship (pogov.) according to ... ... Explanatory Dictionary of Ushakov

Peoples. Jarg. arm. Iron. Rice and pea porridge. ZHEST 1, 235. Friendship won. Razg. Shuttle. iron. About competitions, rivalry, discussions that did not end with someone. victory. Mokienko 2003, 27. Share friendship with whom. Don. 1. Get together for ... ... Big dictionary of Russian sayings

friendship- deep (Goncharov); tender (Lermontov); close (Grigorovich); pure (Corinthian) Epithets of literary Russian speech. M: The supplier of the court of His Majesty, the partnership of the printing press A. A. Levenson. A. L. Zelenetsky. 1913. friendship About true friendship. ... ... Dictionary of epithets

friendship- FRIENDSHIP, camaraderie, outdated. friendship, colloquial friendship, colloquial reduced rooting FRIEND, friend, comrade, obsolete. benefactor, colloquial friend friend, colloquial buddy, loose reduced friend, open reduced bounty, colloquial reduced sidekick and loose… … Dictionary-thesaurus of synonyms of Russian speech

Books

• Friendship , . This collection contains articles, short essays, studies, memories of the friendship between the peoples of Armenia and Russia, of Armenian-Russian cultural ties, showing deep love and respect…

And how it manifests itself will be discussed in this article.

Definition of friendship

Friendship is multifaceted, so it is not easy to give an exact definition of the concept. Philosophers, psychologists, sociologists interpret it in their own way. The main definitions of the term are as follows:

• Friendship is a relationship between people, which is based on help, trust, common views and values.
• If we consider it as a union based on affection, common interests, joint leisure, trust and selfless help, then this will be a complete definition, expressing what is real friendship.

camaraderie and friendship

The concepts of partnership and friendship are similar, they are often confused. What is the difference companionship from friends?

Partnership is understood as communication based on common interests, support. Often it becomes the basis of friendship. The main difference between one type of communication and another is the degree of trust. Friends trust each other, are ready to share the most intimate. Comrades are united by common interests and goals.

An example is students in the same group of students who are united by the desire to pass the session successfully, or colleagues working on the same project. Their interaction takes place within the walls of the university or office.

Comrades do not share their personal experiences, they do not pour out their souls to each other.

True friends are united not only by common goals, they are connected by some kind of spiritual kinship.

What is true friendship based on?

Often they say about true friendship - "do not spill water." What lies at its basis? In psychology, the following components of friendship are distinguished:

• union and affection;
• common values, joint or similar plans, goals;
• altruism;
• confidence;
• lack of competition.

Union and affection

A union is understood as a long-term relationship based on joint problem solving, mutual joy for the success of another.

Attachment or the need for communication is one of the main criteria for friendship.

It is important to understand the difference between friendship attachment and codependency (emotional dependency). In the case of co-dependent relationships, we can’t talk about friendship.

If it is with this person that you want to share everything - both joys and sorrows, without receiving depreciation or envy in return, then this is a true friend.

True friends are not manipulative, they are sincere and do not belittle each other's successes. If the so-called friend has a negative influence, dissuades from any undertakings, then he is not one.

Common values, joint plans

To understand what true friendship is, it is necessary to consider one more criterion - common values, goals and plans.

People with similar outlooks on life find it easier mutual language. It doesn't matter what unites you: love for sports or computer games, the desire to know your inner world or earn a million, the main thing is that common values ​​and interests unite on a spiritual level.

Such a criterion as joint plans and goals follows from the previous one.

It is easier for people with the same worldview to make joint plans, to go towards similar goals. They become support and support for each other.

Often different plans for life alienate friends, turning them into friends or good acquaintances.

Altruism and trust

The answer to the question: "What is real friendship based on?" - will be: "On altruism." Without selfless help and a certain amount of self-sacrifice, there can be no real friendship. After all, a friend is helped not for the sake of profit, but at the behest of the soul. True friends are always ready to come to the rescue, without requiring gratitude.

With a true friend, they share their most intimate thoughts and experiences, receiving support in return, without fear of condemnation. True friendship is built on such trusting communication.

Lack of competition

Lack of competition is the basis of true friendship. Loyal friends do not envy, do not seek to "outdo" each other. A friend will rejoice in success. The achievements of one motivate the other without causing rejection. True friendship is a kind of field for personal growth.

How do you know if friendship is real?

In the life of every person there comes a moment when he reconsiders his views on the world and the people around him. Faced with problems and not finding understanding and support, a person wonders if he has friends? How to understand what kind of friendship is real, where is mutually beneficial communication?

• Friends accept you for who you are, with flaws and virtues. They may not agree with you on everything, but they will never encroach on your individuality. A friend will always help find something good in difficult situation.
• True friends are near and in sorrow and in joy. They will not turn away if you fall from the pedestal, they will not envy success. It is the sincere joy of achievements and support in difficult times that determine true friendship.
• It is comfortable with a real friend, with him you are not afraid that personal secrets will become public.
• Friends don't gossip about each other behind their backs. They tell the truth to their face, even if it is unpleasant. A friend will not put pressure on you, constantly remind you of mistakes.
• A true friend is interested in you as a person.
• A real friend does not limit your freedom, does not try to control communication. You always have something to remember, something to laugh at, something to be silent about.

The answer to the question: "What is true friendship?" - will be: communication in which you can be yourself, without fear of condemnation, always counting on support.

Why is friendship needed?

Friends are a reliable rear, support in a difficult moment, people with whom it is pleasant to share joy. Life without them would be lonely and gray.

Does true friendship need arguments in its favor?

More likely no than yes. Still, it's worth mentioning a few.

According to psychologists, a person can achieve success in various areas of life due to several criteria: 20% falls on personal experience and knowledge, type of thinking, and 80% - the environment. True friends do not pull down, they strive for development.

For example, a young man decides to quit smoking, a real friend will never offer him a cigarette, will not smoke in front of him, will accept his choice and support him.

A person who has a true friend will never be alone. He has stronger immunity, and he is less prone to depression and neuroses.

Friendship Examples

In history, the relations between Pushkin and Pushchin serve as examples of true friendship. The friendship that began between the lyceum students lasted a lifetime, despite various vicissitudes of fate.

The friendly relations between Anna German and Anna Kachalina (music editor of the Melodiya studio) helped the Polish singer gain popularity in the Soviet Union.

There are many examples of strong friendship among Hollywood stars, here are some of them.

The friendship of Jared Leto and Matthew McConaughey began while working together on the film "Dallas Buyers Club", which brought friends well-deserved Oscar statuettes.

Another stellar example of true friendship is Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire. Their friendship has been going on for 25 years. Actors can be seen together at basketball or football games.

Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson are an example of how friendship works. Their joint film works are always successful, and friendship lasts for more than one year.

In Russian cinema, an example of true friendship is the relationship between Konstantin Khabensky and Mikhail Porechenkov, which began in their student years.

But friendship happens not only among people, but also among our smaller brothers. An example is the amazing story of two dogs - the basset hound Fubi and the retriever Tilly. When Fubi fell into the well, the friend stayed by his side, and that's how the volunteers were able to find the animals.

Examples of friendship in literature

Friendship underlies many novels, short stories, plays.

Below are examples of true friendship from literature that do not leave readers indifferent.

The most striking and dramatic example of friendly relations is Remarque's novel Three Comrades. The story of three friends (Robert Lokamp, ​​Otto Kester, Gottfried Lenz) who went through the war and survive in difficult years for Germany. Friends are together in joy and in sorrow, and even death is not able to destroy their friendship.

The main characters of Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" - Frodo and Sam - are an excellent example of friendly mutual assistance, when a true friend remains close to the very end.

“The Tale of Friendship and Not Friendship” by the Strugatskys is an example of how you can pass any test for the sake of a friend.

Dumas and his "Three Musketeers" tell about friendship, honor and nobility, which are not afraid of years.

"The Little Prince" Saint-Exupery in simple terms tells about love and friendship. And the relationship between the Fox and the Little Prince captivates with simplicity and touchingness.

True friendship is priceless, it is she who makes a person happy. It is for the sake of friends and loved ones that a person is capable of much.

First of all, the word "friendship" has not one, but several different meanings. And not only in our time. Two thousand years ago this was discovered by Aristotle, who was just trying to define different types friendship, in order to highlight true friendship among them. He distinguishes mainly friendship based on interest, and noble friendship, which alone deserves the right to be considered real. Therefore, even in ancient Greece, relations between two business people were perceived not as friendship, but as an interest in the success of a common cause. Then friendship between politicians was also often seen as a way to achieve success in politics.

So, if we briefly list the most common meanings of this word, we will see that in most cases the word "friendship" has little in common with our ideas about a real friend.

Meaning one: acquaintances. Most of the people we consider our friends are actually just our acquaintances, that is, those whom we single out from the faceless mass surrounding us. We know their worries, their problems, we consider them people close to us, we turn to them for help and we ourselves willingly help them. We have with them great relationship. But there is no full revelation, we do not trust them with our deepest desires. Meeting them does not make us happy, does not make us smile involuntarily. If success comes to them, if they receive some kind of reward, or unexpected luck falls on them, we do not rejoice for them, as for ourselves; gossip, envy, enmity are added to many connections of this type. Deep conflicts are often hidden behind outwardly cordial relationships. Of course, these are not strangers to us, there is a certain closeness between us. But why call friendship such different types of relationships? This is a misuse of the word. So it was in the past, so it continues now.

Meaning two: collective solidarity. It is necessary to distinguish, as the ancients did, friendship from solidarity. In the latter case, friends are those who fight on our side, say, during a war. Friends on one side, enemies on the other. There is nothing personal in such solidarity. The man wearing the same uniform as mine is a friend, but I don't know anything about him. The same category includes forms of solidarity that exist in sects, in parties, in the church. Christians call each other brothers or friends, socialists - comrades, fascists - comrades. But in all these cases we are dealing with collective rather than purely personal relationships.

Meaning three: functional relationships. They refer to the type of personal connections based on social function. Here we meet with "utilitarian" friendship; such is the friendship between companions or between politicians. In this kind of relationship there is a minimum of love, they last as long as there is an interest that requires common care. This also includes numerous professional relationships, relationships between work colleagues and between housemates.

Meaning four: sympathy and friendliness. Finally, we come to the category of people with whom we feel good, who please us, whom we admire. But in this case, the word friendship should be used very carefully. Such emotional connections are often superficial and short-lived.

What, then, do we mean by the word "friendship"? Intuitively, it evokes in us an idea of ​​a feeling of deep, honest, trust and frankness. Empirical Research also show that the vast majority of people imagine friendship in this way. In his latest book, Reisman, having studied the vast amount of material written on the subject, gave the following definition of friendship: "A friend is one who takes pleasure in doing good to another, and who believes that this other has the same feelings for him." This definition of Reisman puts friendship among the altruistic, sincere feelings.

Friendship types.

Friendship can be divided into three types according to age categories: children's, youth and adult. Here ramsmotem only youthful and adult.

Youth friendship.

Youth is the period of the most intense and emotional communication with peers, group life, etc.

At the heart of the youthful craving for friendship is a passionate need for understanding the other and oneself to others and self-disclosure. "Happiness is when you are understood," says the young hero of the film "Let's Live Until Monday."

One of the main unconscious functions of youthful friendship is the maintenance of self-respect. Friendship sometimes acts as a kind of psychotherapy, allowing young people to express overwhelming feelings and find confirmation that someone shares their doubts, hopes and anxieties.

Youthful friendship is not only prone to confession, but also extremely emotional. And emotionality is expressed not so much in words and sentences, but in characteristic intonations, accents, reticence, omissions, which a teenager, with all his desire, could not translate into concepts, but which convey to his friend-interlocutor the finest nuances of his moods, remaining meaningless and incomprehensible for an outside listener. This "empty" conversation is psychologically more important and significant than a "meaningful" secular conversation about lofty matters... Needing strong emotional attachments, young people sometimes do not notice the real qualities of a partner. For all their exclusivity friendly relations in such cases are usually short-lived.

The ratio of friendship and love is a difficult problem in youth. On the one hand, these relationships seem to be more or less alternative. The appearance of a beloved girl reduces the emotional intensity of same-sex friendship, a friend becomes more of a good comrade. On the other hand, love involves a greater degree of intimacy than friendship, it kind of includes friendship.

Adult friendship.

In youth, friendship, as we have seen, occupies a privileged, even monopoly, position in the system of personal relationships and attachments. With the advent of new, "adult" attachments, friendship gradually loses its privileged position.

Three points are especially important for understanding the psychological differences between adult friendship and youthful friendship: 1) the relative completion of the formation of self-awareness;

• 2) expansion and differentiation of the sphere of communication and activity;
• 3) the emergence of new intimate attachments.

The content and structure of friendly communication are also changing. Tolerance for differences is one of the main indicators of the level of culture and intellectual development. This also shows up in communication. Childhood friendships can fall apart over a trifle. Young men are already ready to put up with the particular shortcomings of their friends, but friendship itself is still understood as something total.

types of friendship.

Spiritual friendship - mutual enrichment and complement each other. Each is delighted and fascinated by the superiority of the other. Thus, he gives his friend the opportunity to receive such a desired recognition: what could be more beautiful if you are appreciated and understood by the one for whom you recognize this right. The most amazing thing is that everyone feels completely different from the other and admires precisely those qualities that he himself does not have.

Creative friendship - both friends retain their pronounced individuality. Moreover, friendship helps to creatively complement the personality of each of the friends, to give a complete character to their individuality.

Everyday friendship can exist and develop only under the condition of immediate territorial proximity. Friends must live side by side, provide each other with services, seek help, go to the movies together, or at least just chat about this and that. As a rule, such friendship is reinforced by some constant reason for meetings. It can be a normal neighborhood or a common job. Doctors, for example, are most often friends with doctors.

Family friendship at first glance seems to be the complete opposite of creative friendship, but it is not. It is characteristic of the type of friendship we are considering that our friend, in essence, becomes a friend of the whole family. And if we are talking about a married couple who have children, we can clearly talk about friendship with families.

a type of stable, stable and selective interpersonal relationships, characterized by mutual acceptance and mutual acceptance, positive emotional richness of relationships, a high degree of social expectations, mutually reciprocal attraction manifestations and readiness for everyday support, sympathy and rejoicing. At the same time, according to the unwritten "code" of friendship, mutual understanding, mutual support, mutual assistance are clearly disinterested in nature, and openness, sincerity and even some naive insecurity are based on the confidence of one in the readiness of the other for similar frankness. Friendly relations can be drastically broken, as a rule, when someone of their partners does not comply with the norms and rules of the “code” of friendship. In this case, relations most often cool down, turn into superficial friendship, lose their emotional intensity, and sometimes, on the contrary, they can gain even more strength emotionally, but turn from friendship into enmity and even "melt" into open, sometimes aggressive hatred. The most sensitive period for the formation and development of sustainable friendships is the age from adolescence to early adulthood, inclusive. True, due to more early development emotional sphere in girls, their need for interpersonal intimacy within the framework of friendships, compared with boys, leads to the creation of stable, sometimes “for life”, couples and groups of girlfriends, which are formed already in the younger years. adolescence. Of course, at other, first of all, later stages of ontogenesis, truly friendly relations are formed and maintained, although their uniqueness is gradually erased, most often due to the fact that family ties arise, sometimes pushing friendships to the periphery of the relationship activity of the individual. At the same time, friendship throughout life remains, as a rule, one of the most important factors in supporting personal stability, adequate self-esteem and self-concept, self-confidence, a sense of psychological security, while being not just an emotional “feeding” of self-perception, but also often support in a purely business sphere, since common interests, goals, common memories and positive experience of interaction arm a person with the presence of a truly reference group of value-oriented and emotionally cohesive, like-minded people tested over the years - associates.

Friendship is one of the most important forms of satisfying the vital need for a person to join, or belonging (affiliation), which is understood as “the impulse to establish relationships that guarantee constant positive interactions”1. Studies that have compared the worldview of people with few and many close relationships have shown that “close friendships with those to whom we can confide our most intimate thoughts have a double effect. As the seventeenth-century philosopher Francis Bacon remarked, “It doubles joy, and halves sorrow.” He is echoed by answers to a question posed to Americans by the National Center for Research public opinion: “Who were the people with whom you discussed important issues for you in the last six months?”. Compared to those who could not name anyone, those who named five or more close friends were 60% more likely to feel “very happy.”2 Other studies of this type have identified a number of interesting facts, showing the importance of friendships for the emotional well-being of a person. Thus, for example, “those who are not deprived of the joys of close friendships cope better with various stresses, including bereavement, rape, dismissal from work, illness, etc. ... Compared to army soldiers serving in large units with a non-permanent composition, those who serve in compact "worked" formations such as teams ... consisting of 12 people enjoy more social support and are mentally and physically healthier and more satisfied with their careers. ... Of 800 graduates of Hobart and William Smith Colleges surveyed by Wesley Perkins, those who professed "yuppie" values, that is, they preferred high income and professional success to close friendship or marriage, were twice as likely as their former classmates, feel largely or “very” unhappy”3.

In the light of what has been said, the traditional interest of social psychologists in conditions conducive to the establishment of friendly relations between people is understandable. D. Myers identifies three main groups of such factors: proximity, similarity and physical attractiveness.

The first group should include, first of all, spatial proximity. It is well known that in primary school friendships are most often formed between classmates living in the neighborhood. In the future, the “platform” for establishing friendships becomes the whole class. And only in high school, and even then, close friendly ties between students of different classes are relatively rare. This dynamic manifests the so-called effect of simply being in the field of view, or the effect of presence. This effect reflects the tendency inherent in most people to “experience greater disposition and give a more positive assessment of previously unfamiliar stimuli after their repeated appearance in the field of view of the evaluator”4. Simply put, than more people are next to each other, the higher the likelihood of an attraction between them, gradually turning into friendly relations.

The effect of presence has been repeatedly recorded and confirmed experimentally. At the same time, it was revealed that “being in the field of view led to a feeling of sympathy, even if the attention of the subjects was not specifically attracted to the exhibited object. ... During one of the experiments, female students, sitting in headphones, listened to a prose passage through one of them. They repeated the words aloud and compared them with the written version of the text, looking for errors. At the same time, previously unknown musical phrases sounded in the other earpiece all the time. This procedure focused women's attention on verbal material, distracting them from musical material. Later, when the subjects heard these melodies among similar ones that did not sound at the first listening, they did not recognize them. But nevertheless, those melodies that they had already heard, they liked more than others. In another experiment, people were shown a series of single geometric shapes at intervals of one hundredth of a second, just long enough to distinguish a flash of light. Although later the subjects could not identify among other figures those that were shown to them in the above way, nevertheless, it was these figures that aroused the greatest sympathy in them.

The effect of presence is important not only for the emergence and development, but also for the maintenance of friendly relations, which often weaken, or even completely disappear when this effect ceases. A typical illustration is a situation that is well known to everyone who has ever rested in pioneer camps or their modern counterparts. At the end of the shift, the members of the detachment (this is especially true for teenagers) lively exchange phone numbers and addresses, expressing their sincere readiness to maintain relations even after the end of the joint vacation. However, in practice, everything is limited, as a rule, to one or two phone calls immediately after returning home. In the future, the need for communication quickly fades away, which is primarily due to the exclusion of the partner from the field of vision. At the same time, if on next year these children again find themselves in the same detachment, relations are quickly restored and the “old acquaintance” is given clear preference over newcomers.

If simply being in the field of vision is, so to speak, a passive form of social closeness, then its active form is interaction. According to D. Myers, “colleagues who happen to be roommates and, of course, doomed to constant interaction, are much more likely to become friends rather than enemies. Such interaction gives people the opportunity to discover their traits in another, to feel mutual affection and to perceive each other as members of a certain social union.

However, it is quite obvious that not all people who constantly catch each other's eyes and, moreover, are involved in joint activities, become friends. And here the factors of similarity acquire paramount importance, from the point of view of the emergence and development of friendly relations. Moreover, they are understood not so much as external “similarity”, although it also plays a certain role, as the proximity of personal attitudes, views, and beliefs. The tendency of people to preferentially relate to those subjects in the social environment whose attitudes are consistent with their own is commonly referred to in social psychology as the agreement effect. The effect of this effect is widely known at the level of everyday consciousness, which is expressed in idioms such as: “Like tends to like” and “Your own brother involuntarily”. As D. Myers notes, “the consent effect was tested in real life situations by observing the emergence of affection. At the University of Michigan, psychologist Theodore Newcomb studied two groups of 17 unfamiliar students transferred from other places. After 13 weeks of living together in a hostel, those of them, whose degree of agreement was initially high, entered into a close friendship. One of the friendly companies consisted of five humanities students, all of them were supporters of political liberalism and pronounced intellectuals. The other group consisted of three conservative veterans, all three on the engineering college roll. William Griffith and Russell Veitch managed to “shorten” the dating process in the following way: 13 strangers(paid volunteers) were placed in a shelter. Knowing the opinion of these people on various issues, the researchers were able to fairly accurately predict the distribution of mutual likes and dislikes within the group. When Susan Sprecher and Steve Duck went on dates with 83 random pairs of students after blind dating... the participants who wanted to meet again—16% of them—were especially likely to think of themselves and their partners as alike.”1

The effectiveness of these conditions for the emergence of friendship between people can be significantly enhanced by the factor of physical attractiveness. It was already noted in the article on influence that individuals who are perceived as outwardly "beautiful", "pretty", etc., find it much easier to win the favor of others. The appearance of a person determines the first impression of him, which often turns out to be the strongest. Moreover, the readiness and attitude of most people to the simple presence of another person in their field of vision largely depends on the degree of physical attractiveness. According to D. Myers, “Vicki Houston and Ray Bull discovered this when, with the help of an experienced make-up artist, they disfigured the face of their assistant with scars, bruises and birthmarks. On suburban trains to the Glasgow direction, passengers of both sexes avoided sitting next to a girl who appeared there with a disfigured face. Moreover, just as much as adults crave attractive adults, young children crave attractive peers. Judging by the time during which mutual staring continues, even infants prefer attractive faces.

The influence of the appearance of the object of assessment on attributive processes is confirmed by a number of classical socio-psychological experiments. In one, the researchers “gave Missouri fifth grade teachers identical information about a boy and a girl, but with pictures of an attractive and unattractive child. Teachers perceived an attractive child as smarter and better at school... The sad truth is that most of us agree with the so-called "Bart Simpson effect", that is, that nondescript children are less capable and socially ready than their beautiful peers. Moreover, we sincerely believe that beautiful people have undeniable attractive character traits. We believe that other things being equal, more beautiful people are happier, sexier, more sociable, smarter, and luckier, although not more honest or caring towards other people. Taken together, these representations give the stereotype of physical attractiveness: what is beautiful is good.

If we talk about "school friendship", then a practical social psychologist working in educational institution, it is necessary to understand in detail psychological features a similar form of relations of developing personalities. An important indicator of the adolescent's developing selectivity in relations with peers can be spontaneously formed and relatively stable friendly dyads and groups. As a rule, in school conditions, four types of such friendly communities are formed and exist in parallel. The first of them is represented by fairly large (from 4 or more people) stable groups of schoolchildren, which are formed around a kind of center. This is either one popular student in the class, or a close-knit friendly dyad, which includes two popular teenagers. One of the main features of such a friendly company is that its members prefer their relationship with the "center", rather than ties between themselves, which are more friendly than friendly. In other words, the distinguishing feature of such an informal group is the presence of a clearly expressed and universally recognized leader (or leaders), the degree of closeness with which largely mediates the relationship of everyone else. But such a balance of power does not always characterize the system of interpersonal relations in friendly communities. As psychological studies show, often in a large stable friendly group, despite the presence of the most popular classmate in it, there is no any pronounced desire to primarily communicate with him. Groups of this, second type, are based not so much on the leader, but on the significance and attractiveness for teenagers of communication with the group as a whole. The third and fourth types of groups most often consist of newcomers, outsiders and schoolchildren whose friends have changed places of study. In these cases, these are either stable dyads, less often triads, or “fragmentation” groups formed due to the fact that some schoolchildren are deprived of the opportunity to establish friendly relations with other classmates. Traditionally, friendly relations in social psychology are measured using sociometric, autosociometric, referentometric, autoreferentometric procedures, methods for identifying the motivational core of choice, methods for determining the level of value-oriented unity, etc.

FRIENDSHIP

a type of stable, individually selective interpersonal relations, characterized by mutual attachment of participants, intensification of affiliation processes, mutual expectations of reciprocal feelings and preference. The development of friendship involves following an unwritten "code" that affirms the need for mutual understanding, mutual frankness and openness, trust, active mutual assistance, mutual interest in the affairs and experiences of another, sincerity and selflessness of feelings. Serious violations of the "code" lead either to the termination of friendship, or to superficial friendly relations, or even to the transformation of friendship into the opposite-enmity. Contrasting friendship, for all its intimacy, with business, service and other relationships is relative. Friendship depends on common goals, interests, ideals, intentions; in it the unity of value-orientation must be manifested. The richness of friendship relations is determined by the social value of the activities to which the friends have devoted themselves, and those ideas and interests on which their union is based. The functions of friendship, the patterns of its development, etc., change significantly at different stages of life and are gender-specific. Due to the fact that emotional experiences play a very important role in friendship, its formation and development depends on the frequency of contacts, on belonging to the same group, on joint activities. If childhood friendship, characterized by emotional attachment, is based primarily on joint activities, then with age, a need for another person as a person is formed, based on the development of the need to become aware of oneself, to correlate one's experiences with the experiences of another person. On this basis, there is an intensified search for a friend and the possibility of his idealization appears. Friendship reaches its greatest intensity in the periods of adolescence and early adulthood, when there is an exceptional importance of relationships with friends, a high frequency of meetings and the amount of time spent together. At the same time, friendships are characterized by deep emotional contact. Since the need for intimacy develops faster in girls than in boys, girls move from childhood friendships to youthful ones earlier. For an adult, the grounds for friendship are more differentiated, because friendly feelings can be localized in love, family or parental relationships. The appearance of a family and other changes during the transition to adulthood change the nature of friendship - friendships cease to be unique, their significance decreases somewhat, and the functions of friendship change. However, even in the later stages of life, friendship remains one of the most important factors in shaping personality and maintaining the stability of the self-concept. Since friendship is a social phenomenon, its analysis by means of psychology alone is insufficient. Friendship is studied by sociology, philosophy, ethnography and other sciences.

FRIENDSHIP

English friendship) - relations between people based on mutual affection, spiritual closeness, common interests, sympathy (see Attraction, Affiliation), etc. selectivity (as opposed to kinship or solidarity due to belonging to the same group), inner closeness, intimacy (as opposed to simple friendship), stability.

It is necessary to distinguish D. as: 1) a moral feeling and 2) a specific type of relationship. The real content of D. changed in the course of history. Aristotle for the first time introduces an understanding of the dysphoria as a highly individualized and at the same time free from the erotic component of the relationship.

Although D. is an intimate, personal relationship, its formation and development depend on a number of objective conditions: the frequency of contacts, belonging to the same group, joint activities, common goals and interests.

The content and functions of D. change significantly with age. Children's D. is characterized by emotional attachment, most often based on joint activities. Although the degree of selectivity and stability of D. increases with the age of the child, a genuine need for others. I appears in a teenager only in connection with the development of the need to become aware of himself, to correlate his own experiences with the experiences of others. Hence the intense search and frequent idealization of D. The “confessional” nature of relations an adult is more differentiated, as a number of new forms of communication appear (love, family and parental attachments, etc.).

friendship

Specificity. Personal relationships between people, due to spiritual closeness, common interests. Due to the fact that emotional experiences play a very important role in friendship, its formation and development depends on the frequency of contacts, belonging to the same group, and joint activities.

Children's friendship, characterized by emotional attachment, is based primarily on joint activities;

With age, a genuine need for another person as a person is formed, based on the development of the need to become aware of oneself, to correlate one's experiences with the experiences of another person. On this basis, an intensified search for a friend is carried out, and the possibility of his idealization arises. For an adult, the grounds for friendship are more differentiated, since friendly feelings can be localized in love, family or parental relationships.

friendship

a type of stable, individually selective interpersonal relationship, characterized by mutual attachment of their participants, intensification of affiliation processes, mutual expectations of reciprocal feelings and preference. The development of D. involves following its unwritten "code", which affirms the need for mutual understanding, frankness and openness to each other, trust, active mutual assistance, mutual interest in the affairs and experiences of another, sincerity and disinterestedness of feelings. Serious violations of the "code" of D. lead either to its termination, or to superficial friendly relations, or even to the transformation of D. into its opposite - enmity. Contrasting D. - for all its intimacy - with business, official and other relations is of a relative nature. D. depends on the commonality of goals, interests, ideals, intentions, it necessarily manifests value-oriented unity. The richness of D.'s relations is determined by the social value of the activity to which friends have devoted themselves, of those ideas and interests on which their union is based. D.'s functions, patterns of its development, etc. change significantly at different stages of the life cycle and have specific sex. D. reaches its greatest intensity during periods of adolescence and early adulthood, when there is an exceptional importance of relationships with friends, a high frequency of meetings, and a large amount of time spent together. At the same time, the relationship between friends is characterized by deep emotional contact. Due to the fact that the need for intimacy in girls is formed faster than in boys, girls move from childhood to youthful D. earlier than boys. The appearance of one's family and other changes that accompany the transition to adulthood change the character of D. - friendly relations cease to be unique, their significance decreases somewhat, the functions of D. change. Nevertheless, even at the later stages of the life cycle, D. remains one of the most important factors in the formation personality and maintaining the stability of the self-concept. Since D. is a social phenomenon, its analysis by means of psychology alone is clearly insufficient. D. is actively studied in sociology, philosophy, ethnography, and other sciences. L.Ya. Gozman, A.V. Petrovsky

· Girl (not named). Published on 06/18/2010 on another site

The article about friendship is good and correct. It is a pity that such friendship almost does not exist!

Author's response: But sometimes it happens! And, most importantly, I would like to have even more such true friends! So I hope this article and this site will help someone learn how to be a friend or make friends.

· Michael, 35 years old. Submitted on 07/10/2010

· Ekaterina. Submitted on 07/22/2010

I agree, but friendly relations are popular because they do not give rise to special mutual obligations. I wonder if there are [are] people who, in principle, do not need friendship?

Author's response: I believe that if a person is a true friend, then the obligations generated by friendship in relation to him will not be a burden. Since friendship is a form of love, the fulfillment of such obligations brings, rather, spiritual and emotional satisfaction to the one on whom they lie.

Of course, you can't have too many friends. However, the desire to have friends, to be needed by someone and for someone, I think, is natural for any person. Therefore, a person who does not have friends, even if he has a lot of friends, is likely to feel some emptiness, maybe even the meaninglessness of his existence. Therefore, if someone does not need friendship at all, then this, apparently, is the result of some deeper problems.

· Matthew. Submitted on 08/10/2010

Great article! I fully find in it my ideas about friendship. I had such a friendship. But its end was a terrible mental trauma ... I wish everyone to find a friend! And never lose!

· Elena, 29 years old. Submitted on 01/15/2011

I read many articles on the site, everything is very correct. I just don’t understand one thing - how can you call true friendship disinterested? Don't you expect your friend to help you in times of need? How can you call him a friend if he just brushes you off at such a moment? The very expectation of something from another person is self-interest. So it turns out that your real friendship is still self-serving, to be honest. And disinterested friendship does not imply reciprocal feelings, and, therefore, is called in a completely different way, well, let's call it true love for a person in general (not for any one in particular). What do you think about it? Where in friendship is there a place for true selflessness? And what do you mean then by this term?

Author's response: You are absolutely correct. Relationships based on self-interest and the desire to get something from someone are not friendships. Friendship is a desire to give, not to receive, true friendships are selfless. And, you are right, they do not necessarily imply reciprocal feelings, with the difference that they are nevertheless experienced to some specific person(or people).

Nevertheless, there is nothing wrong with the fact that in a mutual friendly union, friends are confident in each other, that each of them will be his friend's support in difficult times. Otherwise, what kind of friends? But after all, my confidence that my friend will help me when necessary is balanced by the fact that I am ready to help him when needed. And it is not known which of the moments will come earlier or come at all. Therefore, it is normal to expect help from a friend as long as friendship exists not for the sake of expecting or receiving something from another, but is a personal attachment and is primarily associated with a willingness to help oneself.

By the way, when a friend leaves someone in a difficult moment, he usually experiences pain not from the fact that he did not receive something material, but from the very fact of betrayal by a friend.

· Elena. Submitted on 02/19/2011

· Alexander, 28 years old. Submitted on 03/11/2011

Great article. I agree with everything. This is how I, apparently, took friendly relations for true friendship forever. But what if you consider a person a friend, getting into emotional dependence (communication, etc.), and judging by your actions, they consider you just a friend, because a real friend does not act like that?

Author's response: For starters, it's probably best not to rush to conclusions. A person is imperfect and can make mistakes or show any bad qualities. At the same time, he may not always understand what effect this has on you, or he understands, but it is difficult for him to admit it. Perhaps, deep down, he himself is worried about this.

Try to talk to him and tell him that you consider him your friend, but such and such his actions or manners upset you. Try not to complain, but talk about your feelings. After that, look at his reaction. Perhaps he himself will apologize and promise to fix the situation - then this is a good sign. But if, for example, he says that your feelings “do not care” for him, or, moreover, starts mocking them, then you, most likely, are not really his friend. In this case, it would probably be better to break off relations with such a person.

Unfortunately, the Russian proverb “you won’t be forced to be nice” is fully applicable to friendship as well. You cannot force or persuade a person to consider you his friend if his heart is not disposed to this. Moreover, as I understand, your relationship has already lasted a certain time, and he could already develop friendly feelings for you if he wanted to.

· Yana, 19 years old. Submitted on 03/25/2011

The article is well written, a lot of truth. But it also seems to me that a dismissive attitude interferes with friendship, that is, when the one you love understands that you are not going anywhere and ceases to appreciate you. It's insanely embarrassing.

The biggest difficulty for me is this moment understand who is a friend and who is a buddy. Is it necessary to return those with whom communication is cut off. It's all so complicated...

· Young man, 17 years old (name not given). Submitted on 03/29/2011

Friendship is more than life for those who are truly a true friend. My friends, I will tear for you!

· Andrey, 43 years old. Submitted on 04/13/2011

1. In theory, friendship is mutual, but what if you feel a strong friendly affection for a person, namely disinterested love, but there is no reciprocal feeling, that is, the other person considers you nothing more than a friend?

Author's response: Unfortunately, this happens. How to be - it is difficult to say, since it is impossible to force or beg another person to have friendly feelings for himself. See also Alexander's response dated March 11, 2011 and my response to it.

2. Can a strong friendship with another person arise spontaneously, almost overnight?

· Vitaly. Submitted on 04/16/2011, 04/20/2011

To everyone who doubts the existence of friendship: there is real friendship! It’s just that someone finds it early, someone late, and someone doesn’t find it at all. Because friendship comes when you see the other half of your soul in a person. I have real friend. I wish you all such friends.

The article is good, but, unfortunately, I do not find in it what I would like to find. I would like to find something soulful in this article. Because this article without soulfulness does not evoke any feelings in the reader. Kind of dry, in my opinion. Or I would like to see another article about friendship on your site, in which there would be more sincerity, life philosophy. This is the only drawback of the site. In general, this is the only good friendship site that contains so much interesting and useful life information.

· Nikolay, 24 years old. Submitted on 05/10/2011

When you realize that you don't have real friends and can't form a definition of friendship, you start looking for ways to fill that gap. It turns out that friendship needs to be learned, trained and developed in oneself certain skills and qualities, as in mastering any new business. Thanks to the author for the site, I hope it can become a textbook in this new business for me!

· Natalia, 29 years old. Submitted on 20.05.2011

Thank you, your article helped me and my son a lot!

· Lera, 9 years old. Submitted on 05/31/2011

I like your article.

· Julia, 32 years old. Submitted on 06/15/2011

Agree completely. Only now it turned out that friends are known not only in trouble, but also in joy! It turned out to be easier to help in difficulties than to rejoice and not envy in prosperity. I really liked the article! Thank you!

· Svetlana, 26 years old. Submitted on 06/22/2011

I really liked the article. In fact, friendship exists, only those people who themselves are friends to their friends can admit it. If you yourself are a true friend, then you cannot say that there is no friendship. Friendship is selfless. A true friend will not expect anything in return. He will just always be there.

· Anna, 48 years old. Submitted on 06/23/2011

Thank you for the article! True friendship exists! You can often come across a question about female friendship ... So, it exists! I have a friend and she has me. Not everything went smoothly in the beginning. But, probably, all these difficulties have taught us to understand each other better. There is confidence in each other, trust and mutual respect, and this is the main thing. Take care of your friends!

· Irina Odulo, 27 years old. Submitted on 07/12/2011

The article is really a bit dry... And yet it prompts reflection. Very long time I did not clearly distinguish between friendship and friendship. Of course, I understood who my friend was, but I also called my friends friends ... until a situation happened in which only the real ones turned away from me. And my friends - dumped a mile away, as if from a leper! .. And now they are talking and smiling, as if nothing had happened. They say the truth: a friend is someone who is with you, even when you are wrong.

· Nina, 60 years old. Submitted on 08/22/2011

Yes, there is one good friendship when, at any request for help, a friend rushes and helps, and in return you are ready to help in any way you can. And understanding that there is such a person in your life gives a certain peace that you are not alone. When a friend suddenly dies, then a wild feeling of defenselessness and loneliness, confusion, how to be without a friend now, tears, grief and, of course, a good memory.

· Nadezhda Kolchina, 49 years old. Submitted on 04.09.2011

Thank you, people, for kind and frank thoughts, for purity and kindness...

· Pavel, 27 years old. Submitted on 09/05/2011

I have a friend. So, we have a constant argument: he claims that there can be only one friend. I believe that this is not necessarily the case. Several people can be friends. Here you are, as an authority in matters of friendship, what do you think?

Author's response: Generally speaking, I am not an "authority" in matters of friendship. However, I think that in general, friendships can be felt for several people (usually still a few). For example, Jesus called his disciples friends, who, naturally, were more than one (John 15:15). Many people also tend to consider several people friends, this is quite common. Still, it is possible that this question is in some sense individual: it may be difficult for some to consider more than one person as friends, while for others it comes easily. If your friend belongs to the first category, this does not mean that all other people also belong to it. Let him think that he can only be friends with you alone - he is not obliged to think otherwise. But in the same way, others don't have to think the way he does.

It is possible that your friend says this because he shows possessive feelings towards you in some sense. That is, he is friends only with you and simply seeks from you that you are friends only with him alone. Try to convince him that mutual respect, which is the pillar of friendship, implies recognition of the friend's right to privacy and is incompatible with jealousy.

· Evelina, 17 years old. Submitted on 09/28/2011

The article is very clear, I really liked it. Thanks! Friendship is the most important thing in life. I am very glad that I have real friends.

· Eugene, 14 years old. Submitted on 07.11.2011

Hmmm... So, I don't have real friends, it seems... All two turned out to be friends! Lately I am generally disappointed in my friends. Oh, it's bad that there are so few friends in the world!

Author's response: Yes, true friends do not lie on the road. The birth of such a friendship is a long and fragile process. Maybe some thoughts from the article “How to find real friends? ".

· Polina, 12 years old. Submitted on 22.11.2011

Very good article, thanks!

· Girl (not named). Submitted on 27.11.2011

Very good article! I got an A for her in "society"! Thanks!

· Irina, 42 years old. Submitted on 12/14/2011

Thanks! Your article helped in the development of the lesson on the topic "Friendship".

· Eleanor, 17 years old. Submitted on 01/11/2012

Very good article! She helped me write an essay on the general concepts of friendship! Thank you very much!

· Vasily, 16 years old. Submitted on 06/29/2012

Thanks a lot for your article! Helped me relax and normalize my thoughts.

· Lyudmila, 17 years old. Submitted on 08/31/2012

The article is good, thanks! You rarely see such friendship now... [...]

· Amina, 9 years old. Submitted 04.10.2012

I wonder if there are people who are friends with everyone and they have no enemies?

Author's response: Friendship should not be confused here with a good relationship. If a person has a good relationship with everyone, it's good. But if he's "friends" with everyone, then maybe he's not really friends with anyone. In addition, to be friends with "everyone" means to be friends with bad people. But is it right? The Bible clearly warns: "Bad associations spoil good habits" (1 Corinthians 15:33).

· Valery, 53 years old. Submitted on 10/12/2012

Fully agree with the article. I support Matvey [reply from 08/10/2010 - approx. ed. ]. The person to whom I am devoted, for whom I am ready for anything, whom I will never betray, who calls me a friend, betrays me. He is not around when a “black” streak happened in my life. He does not call, does not answer calls, messages ... I always thought that this person is the shoulder that you can always rely on. It was his support, his presence next to me that would help me to rise. Unfortunately, I seem to have lost that person. But if he needs my help - even during the day, even at night, even in a year, even in ten - I will give up all my affairs, but I will be next to him and will never betray!

· Olga, 28 years old. Submitted on 10/16/2012

Thanks for the article, indeed, "a true friend loves at all times." It is a pity that in my youth I often confused friendly relations with friendship. And I also think (maybe I'm wrong) that the strongest friendship comes from childhood, of course, if this friendship is carried through the years.

· Alina, 11 years old. Submitted on 23.10.2012

Cool article!

· Lisa, 12 years old. Submitted 28.10.2012

I have a best friend, a real one. But we quarreled with her. I'm to blame. What to do?!

· Yaroslav, 43 years old. Submitted 29.10.2012

Hello! I believe friendship ends at school. Because then another, adult life begins. And in this life, a person should strive to create his own world (family), in which he will be happy! And if this does not happen, then he (she) will have friends and buddies, unfortunately.

· Jean, 20 years old. Submitted on 11/15/2012

I really liked the article, it is interesting and instructive. But it happened to me that people whom I considered my friends left my life. And this was due to situations that, in principle, could be resolved, but this required the desire of both parties. I am a sincere and kind person myself, I can forgive a lot and support my friends at any moment, and not only friends, but also people to whom I feel an inner predisposition. But those people I'm talking about, chopped from the shoulder, they acted on emotions. I myself approached them first and tried to smooth over the conflict, because they are friends, so much is connected with them, because I was ready to do everything in my power for them, to help them out in difficult situations. Time passed, I made my conclusions about those people who left. And, you know, I'm glad they're gone. I no longer need them, they are strangers to me now, and I do not regret it much. Life, even after a break with a loved one, goes on. That's the only thing I still can't figure out - were these people my friends? On the one hand, they say that friends do not leave and are never ex, but, on the other hand, there was mutual respect and trust on both sides, and even confidence that this person would not leave you in a difficult situation!

Author's response: Mutual respect and trust are indeed necessary for friendship, but not every relationship, where it exists, is automatically a friendship. Friendship implies more - it is affection, friendly love for a person. The sincerity of these feelings, as well as how justified your “confidence that this person will not leave you in a difficult situation,” are often tested only by time. Perhaps, in your case, time has shown that this was still not a friendship on their part, as real friends try to solve the difficulties that arise in order to maintain a relationship.

· Milena, 11 years old. Submitted on 11/21/2012

I have a girlfriend. If she gets herself another acquaintance, I immediately begin to be jealous. How to deal with jealousy? Please tell me.

Author's response: Milena, you need to understand that loving a girlfriend does not mean considering her your property. This means thinking first of all about her, and not about yourself; about what she needs, not about what you need. Her right to have other friends must be respected. Otherwise, you can destroy the friendship altogether.

· Tatyana, 13 years old. Submitted on 11/27/2012

Great article, very good!

· Yana, 12 years old. Submitted on 29.11.2012

I liked your text, just super! I have my most beloved friend Dasha, and we are happy that we met!

· Inna, 45 years old. Submitted on 06.12.2012

I have a childhood friend. We are united by a common interest. She often asks me for advice. But I am constantly tormented by the contradictions between telling the truth that is unpleasant for her, or remaining silent and saying what she wants to hear. And as soon as I express my point of view, often different from hers, we have a conflict. She accuses me of doing bad things as a friend, not supporting her. It's useless to convince her. Or maybe I'm wrong? After all, friendship teaches to put up with the shortcomings of the other. For me it is difficult, to remain silent means to be cunning.

Author's response: In such cases, one should clearly separate situations when some personal shortcomings of a friend appear, and when he is in real danger, including a moral one.

Let's say your friend has a tendency to be late, or forgets to call you when she promised, or, for example, is too quick-tempered. While it may be appropriate in rare cases to point this out tactfully, you are generally correct in writing that "friendship teaches you to put up with the shortcomings of the other." Likewise, the Bible says: “Love is long-suffering, ... does not get irritated, does not keep a record of offenses” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). In such cases, it may be better to try to perceive them as aspects of the person's personality and simply ignore them, instead of constantly paying attention to them or attributing bad motives to a friend. In addition, you need to recognize that your girlfriend has the right to a personal opinion on many issues, and her opinion does not always have to coincide with yours.

Another thing is if you see that your friend is in obvious danger. For example, she tends to engage in behavior that can later have serious consequences (smoking, drinking, immorality, drug addiction, etc.), or has contacted a person whom you know for sure that it is dangerous to build a relationship with him. In such cases, it is fair to apply the biblical principle “A man who flatters a friend spreads a net before his feet” (Proverbs 29:5). In other words, in such a situation it is not possible, but you need to talk with a friend and try to help him improve. To be silent, and even more so to support a friend just in order not to spoil relations with him, can be a manifestation of selfishness and even betrayal. Therefore, if in the case of your girlfriend we are talking about something like that, you are doing the right thing by talking to her about it. Just try to do it with love.

· Maria, 24 years old. Submitted on 28.12.2012

Hello, your article is great! Now in such difficult times it is impossible to find true friends. People are very cruel, one might even say dangerous. The only sinful people on earth are those who try their best to please God and strive to walk in His ways. Only among such people can you find a person who can become a true friend, and not resin in a beautiful candy wrapper.

· Oksana, 37 years old. Submitted on 01/21/2013

For some reason I can't make friends. When I start to communicate closely and understand this as friendship, I will always come to the rescue. And I enjoy it. And when I need support, a friend somehow disappears. I came to the conclusion that people are mostly friends now. And the main thing is a strong family and support in the family. Then problems and diseases can not be afraid.

· Rashid, 30 years old. Submitted on 01/26/2013

Whoever you are, you gave the most accurate answers. I'm glad I found you. And I know that these are the most accurate answers to my questions that I asked myself. Because my soul and heart are at peace. I knew that the answer looked like this, but consciousness could not reproduce it on paper. You are saving the world.

· Vlad, 24 years old. Submitted on 02/13/2013

I have good old friends, but I am open to everything new. A few years ago I came to new group at the institute, and began to communicate more often with one girl, because she was friendly and sympathetic. Then we began to communicate, but only at the institute, and do some work together. Once we agreed to do something together, but she did nothing and did not even warn. I forgave her for this, considering her my friend, despite the fact that my work was now only half done. Then she again took advantage of my part of the work, but did not do hers, and again did not warn. I did everything myself at the last minute. I told her my opinion (rather reservedly), and we did not see each other for a whole summer and did not communicate. In the autumn, time seemed to pass, and we began to communicate again. One fine day, the girl repeated her act again, and this time not particularly hiding her intentions - she referred three hours before the appointed time that there was a lot of work and that she did not understand what to do. I said, "OK," and this time I didn't send her my part of the work. She was furious, called me, said nasty things in a commanding tone, called me a greedy person, etc. I said that I did not want to be used, and we stopped talking again. A few months later, she came up to me at the institute on the street, and burst into tears and asked for forgiveness. I forgave her, simply because I didn’t care anymore and I didn’t hold a grudge. Later, we decided to take a walk outside the institute to get to know each other better, and I found out that she does not want to get close to new people because she is disappointed in friendship. We had a heart to heart talk, and she sort of changed her mind, saying she wanted to be friends with me. But in fact, she does not answer calls and messages if she is not interested in them, she is never interested in my affairs, she forgets about me until I remind myself of myself. This is just an example when a person does not want to be a friend, to be friends. Now I understand that it is not necessary to develop these relations. But, to be honest, until the last I believed that we were friends. I really liked your articles, somehow everything became clear.

Author's response: Very interesting story, thanks! It is noteworthy that external friendliness and responsiveness are not always a sign of a good friend candidate. It is more important to see the inner qualities of a person. Often they are shown only by time, which happened in your case.

· Tatyana, 61 years old. Submitted on 02/15/2013

Very good article, much needed! We have been friends with my friend Anna since 1974. [...] We can rejoice together, we can cry, we don't like something - we always tell each other. We rarely see each other, but we live on the same street, both have three children in the family. I'm happy that I have it!

· Victoria, 11 years old. Submitted on 02/17/2013

Thank you, it helped me a lot in the presentation.

· Taisha, 11 years old. Submitted on 03/17/2013

The article is very good! Thanks! We were given an essay on the topic "friendship". That's what I found from your site!

· Eugene, 26 years old. Submitted on 03/28/2013

First of all, I want to express my gratitude to all the people who created this site - this is certainly a good deed, contributing to the fact that there are more and more enlightened, worthy people, and those who were worthy become even more strengthened in themselves!

I want to say that a person, having gone through the path of his centuries-old history, has developed good methods of protecting himself from other people, but to develop rules in himself and determine the reasons that would once and for all fix in his mind how to properly treat people - it turned out to be much more difficult and remains an unresolved issue to this day. At one time, I came to the conclusion that humanity is only becoming smarter, but not wiser - only the situation changes, people do not change. Therefore, by the way, all the wise thoughts of even the most ancient philosophers are relevant in our time. And friendship is good if it is real.

Your true friend who will show you the way

All obstacles will help to pass.

Flatterers beware of being friends.

That true friend is yours who is honest and direct. (Saadi)

· Nastya, 19 years old. Submitted on 03/28/2013

I agree with readers that this article is very good. To the top ten! I have the same thoughts. I wrote a letter to a friend - a little differently, although the essence remained the same.

· Olga, 34 years old. Submitted on 04/08/2013

Hello. I have a real girlfriend, only on my part, because of my indiscretion and frivolity, I can offend my girlfriend. Please help me keep this friendship.

Author's response: Absolutely all people can unintentionally offend each other. Know how to admit your mistakes to a friend and apologize for them, and know how to forgive if they offend you. Without this, it will be difficult to maintain friendship.

· Lelya, 9 years old. Submitted on 05/04/2013

Thanks! This is a very good article. People will be able to learn more about friendship.

· Alina, 10 years old. Submitted on 05/19/2013

I have a best friend, we have been inseparable for 5 years, almost from the very first meeting we have never had conflicts and quarrels!

· Igor, 47 years old. Submitted on 05/21/2013

And I mine best friend I consider my wife. I still share Love and Friendship. Love, in my opinion, is still romance, admiration, sexual desire. Friendship is time tested family life where instead of quarrels, resentments and hostility live respect, complete trust and a sense of joy for the fact that we are happy. It's just that in our case, Love and Friendship are so intertwined and grown together that there is no way to figure out where one is and where the other is. We have grown a new atmosphere, which I do not know the name, I cannot describe it, but I am very afraid of losing this feeling of Happiness, Holiday and Tenderness. This is probably a real friendly family!

· Dasha, 11 years old. Submitted on 05/25/2013

Friendship is the loyalty of two people.

· Zhanna, 10 years old. Submitted on 06/02/2013

I'm still in school, finished 4th grade. I believe that friendship is inseparable and friendship is inviolable. If people quarrel, then immediately reconcile. Friendship is when two people are closely connected by bonds.

· Oleg, 29 years old. Submitted on 06/08/2013

I really liked that you refer to the Bible! Unfortunately, the main reason that the concept of "true friendship" is dying is that today's youth are given cronyism and authority in the company, and they do not want to recognize the qualities that real friends need. But one quality must be obligatory for a true friend, since your friend can not always help you: this is loyalty!

· Alina, 17 years old. Submitted on 07/17/2013

Dear! True friendship exists!

· Lyudmila, 50 years old. Submitted on 08/01/2013

My friend is 50. We have been friends since childhood. Everything that is written is about us. Truly, friendship is love under the auspices of heaven. They know how to forgive, rejoice, even think alike. I am very glad that I have had a girlfriend for many, many years, just like from your article.

· Martha, 27 years old. Submitted on 08/25/2013

It seems to me, important point in friendship, the absence of rivalry. For me, a friend is one who unselfishly helps in hard time and someone who rejoices in your success. I had a girlfriend, I considered her best friend. When I had problems, she helped, but when I did something better than her, she started to get offended and just behaved strangely. The other one I thought was just a friend. But she not only supports me, but also pushes me to exploits, helps me grow internally and rejoices if I do something well (although she may not choose words if she doesn’t like something). So, over time, I love her more and more as a human being, and I understand that such friendship should be.

· Tatyana Nikolaevna, 55 years old. Submitted on 27.10.2013

Thank you, I found in your article something that helped me unite the children of a very unfriendly class.

· Leonid, 29 years old. Submitted 02.11.2013

I have a real friend, he is really alone. Friendship must necessarily be based on trust and mutual respect. If you really have a friend, that's the greatest gift. It's like a piece of your soul, a true friend who will help you in everything, no matter what! I always thought that I had a lot more real friends, and only with time did I realize how wrong I was! I believe that real friends should be no more three people, but really there is only one and for life. If a person has offended you at least once or, God forbid, humiliated you, by definition he cannot be considered your friend. Thanks for the article, I really liked it. So, guys, respect and appreciate only those people who really appreciate such a thing as friendship! Good luck to all. Respect to the author.

Author's response: Thanks. I would like to add that all people should be respected, but only those who respect and appreciate in return should really be allowed as friends. Also, in relation to friends, it would be good to distinguish between an offense that was intentionally caused from deeds committed out of imperfection, for which the friend regretted and for which he apologized. In this case, a true friend is ready to forgive and forget such grievances. The Bible gives wise advice: “Do not take to heart all the words that people say, lest you hear your servant slander you. After all, your heart knows many cases when you yourself slandered others. (Ecclesiastes 7:21-22). The same can be applied to friends.

· Love. Submitted on 03.12.2013

· Amir, 11 years old. Submitted on 05.12.2014

Very good article, thanks! For example: I have a friend named Magomed. I consider him a true friend.

· Ilya, 14 years old. Submitted on 06.12.2014

I really liked your article! Before I read your article, I thought that I had a real friend, and now I realized that in fact this is not true. I have completely different interests with him, he is fond of hip-hop, and I am capoeira, we also have different opinions about computer games We have different hobbies. Now I realized that we are completely different. I think in the near future I will find a real friend, but for now I will look. Maybe I'll write about how I found my real friend.

· (Name not given). Submitted on 07/28/2015

As a theoretical guide - an instructive article. But do not forget that friendship should be primarily in the family. And, judging by the same article, a true friend will always be able to understand and forgive you if, for example, in your family, someone prevented him (your friend) from helping. As you can see, everything is relative! Depends on what angle you look at it from.

· Yana, 14 years old. Submitted on 11/22/2015

I have a girlfriend, we have been friends for 3 years, I believe that she is a true friend. But parents - no, according to her actions, according to her studies. Who do you think is right?

Author's response: I think parents should be listened to. They are much older and more experienced than you, they have seen and know much more. It happens that the one whom we considered our friend, in fact, turns out to be bad friend and it brings pain. Parents know people better and can understand this in advance by seeing the actions of a person.