Fell - crying. Not allowed to sit in front of the TV - crying. They forced him to clean up his toys - he cries again. He generally always cries, for any reason and even without it. Yes, this is your child. A whiner, a crybaby, a capricious - you can call him whatever you like, only this will not change his behavior. At first it scared you, then it annoyed you, and now you are just in a panic, because you understand that if the problem is not solved, then either you yourself will go crazy, or you will bring others to this state. Do not panic. You are not alone. In the sense that almost every second family has similar problems. So a child crying for any reason is not your personal punishment, this is the harsh reality of many Russian dads and moms.

Misconceptions and myths about baby crying

Most adults have already forgotten how difficult it is to be a child. They look down on their babies and absolutely do not understand them. Misunderstanding leads at best to indifference, at worst to aggression. At the same time, adults are confident that they already know what to say to a crying little person and how to behave properly with him. Alas, they don't know. So it's time to debunk some of the myths about baby crying.

Myth #1: Babies always cry over nothing.

In the world of adults, there is a clear gradation: grief - a problem - a nuisance - a trifle. The child is not aware of such a classification. For him, everything is grief. Lost a toy - a disaster. Can't find the second sock - an absolutely hopeless situation. Mom, leaving for work, was in such a hurry that she didn’t have time to kiss - but how can you live after that? Such is the childish feature - a heightened perception of anything. So the kids don't cry for nothing. They don't have empty spaces.

Myth No. 2. The phrase "men don't cry" is the key to raising boys properly.

Who and when was the first to utter these words, for which more than one generation of men pay with their health, is no longer important. It is important to understand that they are categorically wrong and extremely harmful. After all, everything is quite the opposite: men cry, and the category of masculinity is not determined by the number of unshed tears. It is no coincidence that all psychologists unanimously recognize this technique in the upbringing of boys as monstrously erroneous.

Myth number 3. It will go away on its own.

Many parents are convinced that if you do not pay attention to a crying and naughty child, then sooner or later he will calm down. Like, the less you react to tears, the less often they will shed. May be so. Maybe the child will really calm down for a while. The only problem is that children's tears always have a reason, and if they are suppressed, then the reason will remain unidentified, which means that the problem will remain unresolved.

Why are children crying?

To begin with, we will exclude medical factors - we reduce the child to a neurologist and an endocrinologist. If doctors find health problems, then we are treated. If the child is in order from the point of view of medicine, we are looking for the causes of children's tearfulness further.

The following options are possible:

• Your child is a great manipulator. Once realizing that his tears do not leave you, parents, indifferent, he began to shed them at every opportunity to get what he wanted from you. And you are glad to be deceived, if only the native blood is not upset or, in the worst case, if only she would shut up.
• The child is in real pain. Mentally or physically, it doesn't matter. It is important that you feel it and understand that tears are not a whim, but a medicine. This is exactly the case when "it will not pass by itself."
• The child lacks your attention. He knows that as soon as he cries, everyone will fuss around him. The first time it happened by accident, and then, driven by loneliness or some other negative state of his, the child, through tears, again and again called you to him. Maybe he just wants to be with you, and you don't even know it.
• Your child has hypersensitivity, so his tears are always somewhere nearby. His hyper-emotionality simply does not allow him to react to the world more restrained. Therefore, the child will learn it through crying - both when it is good for him and when it is bad. And it is unlikely that it will change with age, which should not be a cause for concern for you. After all, sensitive people are kind. Kindness is in short supply.
• Your child has low self-esteem. He cries because he feels sorry for himself, and feels sorry for you too, because he is sure that you are not lucky with him: he is a bad child.
• There is an unhealthy atmosphere in your family. Adults at home are constantly arguing, shouting at each other and at children. What else is left for children in such a situation, how not to cry with or without reason? Their nervous system becomes more and more unstable day by day, and tears are almost the only means of protection from the aggression of the outside world, crying as an emotional release.
• The child does not have skills social communication. He does not know how to establish contacts with other children, and other children feel this, begin to tease and bully the loser, he - into tears, which causes another wave of bullying, and so on in a circle.

Do you still think that children cry over nothing? Not? Then let's decide what to do next.

How to help a child who is crying

It is forbidden

• Suppress, shout, threaten, resort to physical violence. “If you don’t shut up now, then I don’t know what I’ll do with you!”, “Stop crying, I said!”, “Don’t stop crying - that strange uncle will take you away” - familiar phrases, right? But by saying them, you yourself become a manipulator. And very aggressive. Meanwhile, the child will close in on himself and hold a grudge. And it won't stop crying.
• Ignore tears. It's like an ostrich hiding its head in the sand, and in case of danger, a child folds his hands over his head and says: "I'm in the house." The illusion of innocence in the problem will only exacerbate it.
• Forbid the child to show their feelings. Suppression of emotions can lead to a nervous breakdown.
• To succumb to obvious tearful provocations and follow the lead of a small manipulator.

Possible and necessary

• Talk to your child as often as possible - he must learn to express his desires with words, not with tears. He can cry later, after he tells what worries him. True, then he, most likely, will no longer want to cry.
• Calmly, without crying, respond to the crying of the child. If an adult hysteria joins the children's crying, then the result will be a collective hassle. The rule of silence and calmness will be especially useful if the child tries to pressure you with his tears. As soon as he realizes that nothing works out for him, he will calm down himself.
• Switch the attention of the child. Something upset the kid, offended, hurt? Distract him from this childhood tragedy, find a reason for children's joy. In children short memory. A few minutes - and he will forget about the causes of tears.
• Accept a sensitive child for who they are. Do not reproach him for weakness, but, on the contrary, praise him for his kindness and sensitivity.
• To be there when the child is ill, and rejoice with him when he is well. So he will have a personal example of an adequate emotional response before his eyes.
• Strictly, clearly, but without malice, every time in case of whims, explain to the child that crying is allowed only for a reason, and crying for no reason is already not good.
• Design a reward system for good behavior child. Celebrate every day without whining and whims.
• Reconsider your own parenting behavior. After all, children's crying is a reaction to our adult world, which children cannot yet change.

In general, in order to teach your child an adequate perception of the world around him, without tantrums and crying, first you yourself need to pass a parental aptitude test. And then the children's crying will no longer be a punishment for you, but it will become a signal that the little person really needs help.

Excessive tearfulness is an emotional state, a sign of mental or physical weakness. If parents periodically observe such a condition in a child, you need to consult a doctor. The doctor will send you for an examination and, based on the results, prescribe treatment.

Causes of increased tearfulness

In fact, there are many reasons for increased tearfulness. List of the most common reasons:

1. Newborns cry because of hunger, want to be held by their mother, because they want to sleep or because of discomfort.
2. In the 2nd month of life, before going to bed, the baby cries - this is such a kind of emotional discharge that has accumulated during the day. Over time, this will pass.

In addition, the causes of excessive tearfulness can be depression or experienced violence. Follow the child, if he has any of the following signs, consult a doctor:

• lost interest in life
• having nightmares
• became tense, had nervous tics and other alarming signs

First of all, identify the cause of this condition. Look at the behavior of the child in different situations. If he is capricious as soon as you forbid something, he thereby tries to manipulate you in order to achieve his goal no matter what. Such behavior should not be encouraged, otherwise it will be much more difficult to cope with it in the future. If tearfulness does not go away over time, you should consult a doctor.

Treatment of tearfulness in children

Your child will completely get rid of tearfulness when changing the environment of the world. You will have to give up a number of things and remove some toys. Parents should be patient, because this process will take more than one or two days. It will take a huge amount of time, but the main thing here is the result.

Bright details in the nursery

An excellent impetus for a change of mood will be the appearance of bright colors in the life of your child. Start by renovating the child's room, create for him new world which is full of positive emotions.

Remove the TV from the children's room, because it negatively affects the child, especially if he watches it at night.

Periodically visit amusement parks, museums and theaters with your child, thereby the child will have the opportunity to relax.

Together with the child, do exercises in the morning, go in for sports. Children like to be proud of their parents.

It is also necessary to include as many fruits and vegetables in the diet as possible, and exclude those foods that do not benefit or are harmful.

Treatment for depression

The treatment of such a condition should be handled by a specialist: namely, a pediatrician or a psychiatrist. Only one of them, having correctly assessed the situation, can prescribe drug therapy.

As a rule, antidepressants are used to treat this condition:

They have a calming effect on the body. Medicines fight obsessive thoughts and panic attacks. These drugs cause almost no side effects.

Depression in children of different ages is also treated with the help of cognitive-behavioral therapy. It combines thinking change and behavior correction. This therapy helps the child deal with psychological problems and negative emotions, as a result of which the child adapts more easily in society.

Among the tasks of individual psychotherapy is the preparation of the child school age correctly express their emotions, talk about fears, traumas and overcome such difficulties.

If there are extremely frequent quarrels in the family, problems with mutual understanding, parents cannot find common language with a child, only psychotherapy will help in this.

Misbehavior of parents

The main mistake of mothers and fathers is that parents try to overcome the excessive tearfulness of the child, demanding to stop crying, and sometimes even ridiculing such a state of the child, especially for boys. It is this upbringing that turns into the fact that the child later becomes insecure and does not perceive himself.

In the future, the child's psyche will get stronger, self-control will develop, and this state will occur less and less. But it is very useful when communicating with him to emphasize the best aspects of life, gradually transferring from bad thoughts, not allowing him to stay with them for a long time.

If this condition in a child appeared suddenly, then look for the cause in the presence of chronic stress. Getting used to kindergarten or school, quarrels in the family, divorce of parents, problems with other children - all this weakens the psyche of the child, making it emotional.

It is important to understand the exact cause of the child's excessive crying and deal with it together, and not fight only with tears.

It is worth remembering that this condition often occurs during age-related crises (one, three years and seven years). It usually goes away on its own over time.

What to do if tears are a way of manipulation?

Sometimes excessive tearfulness is not an expression of weakness, fatigue, etc., but only a form of child behavior that turns out to be effective. Watch your child when it starts to cry. If tearfulness arises in a situation of prohibition or restriction in something by parents, and it gradually turns into hysteria, think about why this method of influence has become an effective method for him to get from moms and dads.

The child does not consciously manipulate tears, but if experience tells him that with the help of them much can be achieved, then often this method becomes a “weapon”.

It is important to remember the more serious causes that can lead to such a condition - depression and experienced violence. If you see that the child has suddenly become excessively tearful, has lost the meaning of life, has ceased to get involved in hobbies, communicate with children and loved ones, nervous tics and nightmares have appeared, immediately consult a doctor. Only a doctor can diagnose and prescribe appropriate treatment.

Tearfulness in children 9 years old

my daughter until 6.5 years old was a calm, non-irritable child.

After they began to study at school, a problem arose - a little something, tears on wheels! Cries, and says: "I don't want to cry, tears are pouring."

At school, it also happens if something is not understood. Or forget something at home. or someone says something.

The teacher says that this is due to too much load on the body, which is unprepared due to age.

But do you have to do something about it? And what?

Please advise. maybe someone got over it? And did it?

Sorry girl. mind is so fragile. and everything is fine in the family, and we love her, and do not scold her especially. but something needs to be changed.

son's tearfulness (9 years old)

Advises: Elena Yakimenko

In addition, he really wants to be in the center of attention, everyone around in the class achieves success in dancing, some in chess, some in wrestling. My son goes to different sections, but he is not the best in any direction, which upsets him, he considers himself a failure.

Tell me what to do to increase his self-esteem, and how to teach him to hold back tears?

Minsk (Belarus)

Minsk (Belarus)

How can I contact you.

I will ask you a few questions to better clarify the situation for myself.

Tearfulness - causes and treatment

Tearfulness

Tears are a common reaction to some sad event; increased tearfulness is a symptom of mental or physical exhaustion. In the differential diagnosis, it is necessary to exclude diseases of the brain (for example, multiple sclerosis, bulbar palsy, cerebral atherosclerosis). In any case, a neurological examination is necessary. As a rule, in this case, along with drug therapy, psychotherapy is prescribed.

Treatment of tearfulness

To get rid of increased tearfulness, you need to radically change your lifestyle. Of course, this will take a long time. Start small - bring more positivity into your life. Surround yourself with bright colors: decorate the window with colored curtains, hang on the wall beautiful pictures, get brighter clothes. Stop watching the nightly news. For the most part, they carry only negative, upsetting and escalating the situation even more. Watch only good movies. Don't forget about rest. Be sure to please yourself with sweets, give yourself gifts and at least occasionally allow what you want for your soul and body. If you love to skate, like to go to the theater, enjoy dancing, then you have a different opportunity to get rid of overwhelming emotions and forget about troubles. A hobby brings color to life and distracts from the daily routine. Take care of your health. May proper nutrition, daily sports and healthy sleep become familiar to you. Within a month or two you will see significant changes. No wonder they say: "In healthy body healthy mind."

Tearfulness in children

Children's excitability, tearfulness and emotionality are much higher than the same qualities in adults. And this is normal, since the child's psyche is still unstable. If you notice that the child is crying too often and a lot (at least against the background of peers), then there may be several reasons. First of all, we can talk about the temperament or individual characteristics of the child's nervous system. People with a weak nervous system and in adulthood are characterized by increased sensitivity, vulnerability and a tendency to melancholy. A common mistake of parents is that they try to overcome the tearfulness of such a melancholic child, urging him not to cry and even sometimes making fun of tears, especially when it comes to a boy. In fact, such upbringing turns into the fact that the child’s self-doubt and self-rejection are added to the natural tearfulness.

Over time, the child's psyche is strengthened, self-control develops, and he will cry less and less. However, it is useful in communicating with the child to consciously focus his attention on good sides life, gently switch it from the negative, not allowing it to "go in cycles" in the bad for a long time. If tearfulness in a child manifested itself unexpectedly, then the cause, first of all, should be sought in the presence of some kind of chronic stress. Adaptation to kindergarten or school, divorce of parents or conflicts in the family, problems in relationships with peers - all these factors weaken nervous system child, making him excitable. Often the child becomes whiny and during the period of age crises (one year, three and seven years). With overcoming the crisis period, such tearfulness usually goes away by itself.

Questions and answers on the topic "Tearfulness"

Question: V Lately I began to notice that I had turned into a real crybaby. For example, I can perfectly understand that a broken knee or a petty squabble with someone I know is not worth worrying about because of this, but for some reason I still start to roar. That is, I understand that it's not worth it, that all these are trifles and that similar cases have already happened to me dozens of times, but still I continue to cry. Why is this happening to me? Maybe it's because I'm too impressionable and emotional? Or do I have weak nerves? How to deal with it? Maybe I should take an anxiety test?

Question: Good afternoon. There is no more strength left. I constantly feel tired, and not just, but exhausted to the limit. From morning to evening. Constantly sick, no appetite, I try to cook delicious food, but there is no pleasure in eating (Head spinning and impotence to cry all the time, but even there is no strength to cry.

Question: My father had a second stroke, now after resuscitation he is already in the ward, when we visit, he cries very often, before after 1 stroke this was not the case, will it pass?

Question: Hello, I'm interested in the following question. Recently, I constantly want to cry over trifles: I see a commercial with small children, animals, in which there is nothing sad. I can sob over the film from start to finish. It started not so long ago, a few months ago. She has never been distinguished by an unstable psyche, there are no serious problems and stresses in life.

Question: The child is 10 years old. Since childhood, he was whiny, they thought he would outgrow it, but with age it gets worse. Crying from both pain and resentment. We live with my grandmother, she takes care of him completely, fiddles like with a little one, he is also very slow, we swear about this, but she does not want to understand us. He has no friends at school, he mostly communicates with girls. I inspire him that it’s impossible, everyone laughs, but in my opinion he is not particularly ashamed of his tearfulness. He does not want to go anywhere, only computers are on his mind.

Increased tearfulness and capriciousness in children

Of course, all children are capricious from time to time - some more often, some less often. But sometimes parents notice that the child has become too capricious and whiny, and for no apparent reason. Increased capriciousness in a child causes a lot of trouble and takes a lot of strength from adults. Why did the child become whiny and how to properly raise a capricious child so that the stigma of “crybaby” does not stick to him?

The reasons why the child became very capricious and whiny

The tearfulness of children for parents is one of the most powerful irritants. At the same time, the tears and cries of the baby can cause a variety of emotions in adults from the desire to help to despair and rage.

It is worth mentioning right away that children's excitability is several times stronger than that of an adult. This is quite normal, since the baby's psyche has not yet had time to fully form. An occasion that is trifling for an adult can turn into a real tragedy for a child. The kid reacts with tears to all those moments that are connected in his mind with negativity. Crying for him is an expression of emotions that he still does not know how to restrain. However, parents can be sure that the child is able to switch from bad to good very quickly and forget that he was upset about something just a minute ago.

Parents need to be as calm as possible about the tears of their offspring. How younger child, the more often he will express his problems with the help of tears. If the child is very capricious and whiny, tears appear in his eyes too often, then there may be several reasons at once.

First of all, the causes of tearfulness in children are associated with temperament or individual personality traits. The fact is that by nature every person has a weak or strong nervous system. If a person has weak nerves, then even in adulthood he will differ from others in increased sensitivity, a tendency to melancholic manifestations, etc. In babies, this is more pronounced - from the first days they have increased excitability, sleep poorly and cry very often .

But sometimes it happens that the child becomes capricious all of a sudden - why is this happening? This may be due to some kind of stress, such as conflicts in kindergarten or school, divorce of parents or quarrels in the family. All this can significantly weaken the child's psyche and make the baby more excitable. Quite often, a child becomes capricious due to crises associated with features. age development personality - for example, at the age of one, three and seven years. You can ignore such tears; over time, this tearfulness will disappear by itself.

Another reason why a child is very capricious is internal tensions, which become a behavioral form of the child, which turned out to be quite effective in order for him to attract attention at any moment. Parents need to follow the baby and find out in what situations he starts to get upset and whimper. If tears appear when parents forbid something to their child or limit him in something, while crying often develops into hysteria, then you should think about why such behavior has become the norm for him.

However, it should be remembered that the reasons why the child became whiny can be quite serious. For example, if a child has depression or has experienced violence. If the parents notice that the child has suddenly become whiny, capricious and tense, he has lost interest in life and in what used to fascinate him very much, or that he begins to have nightmares, nervous tics or other serious symptoms, then in this case parents need to go with the child to a psychologist. A specialist will help identify the reason why children become capricious and give recommendations for treatment.

Remember, children's whims are already a more serious phenomenon compared to tearfulness and even tantrums. In fact, this behavior is a real manifestation of the dictatorship of the weak. The baby, with the help of screams, tears, etc., can control his parents and get what he wants from them. Adults, seeing such behavior of their child, are ready to do anything, if only he would stop being capricious.

How to deal with a capricious child and wean him from tearfulness

Parents may notice that the child reacts very sharply to sad episodes in movies and cartoons, to screams and noises, and cries if he is told a terrible tale. Adults often do not quite correctly perceive the tears of a child with weak nerves: they begin to ridicule, urge him to stop crying, etc.

This should not be done, because the child will additionally develop self-doubt, and tearfulness will not disappear. Over time, the psyche will become stronger, the increased tearfulness in the child will decrease, he will be able to control himself, there will be less and less tears. In this case, it is useful for parents to consciously focus his attention on the positive aspects of life, trying to switch him from the negative to something positive.

Parents are often afraid of capriciousness in children, so they begin to suppress the child from the very beginning and do not allow his independence to develop. It is worth saying that the development of the psyche of a baby cannot take place without the occurrence of various kinds of conflict situations. Often, such whims arise when a child is forbidden something, with the help of indignation and disagreement, he tries to defend his independence.

In addition, a tantrum is a great way to attract the attention of adults. It happens that the mother goes about her business all the time, not paying attention to the child, and the father is constantly at work. Due to this state of affairs, the baby has to somehow act. He chooses the easiest route and throws a tantrum just to get a certain amount of parental attention.

How to cope with a capricious child and prevent him from turning into a crybaby? If the child is properly treated, then the tantrum itself is not dangerous. Parents simply need to prepare to meet this behavior of their child. First of all, you will have to spend a lot of time and effort to teach the baby to resolve conflicts and disputes without tears, in addition, thanks to this approach, the child will be able to painlessly overcome one of the most important transitional periods in the development of his personality. However, it should be remembered that he also needs to set a personal example.

There are several basic methods for weaning a child from tearfulness and coping with children's whims. A tantrum is much easier to prevent than to deal with its consequences later. If mom or dad feels that the child is about to burst into tears, then you need to switch his attention from the danger zone to the positive or at least neutral. You should not shout at him, you should talk in a friendly tone, while parents need to remain calm. And, in addition, you should constantly give the child a sufficient amount of attention.

How to behave with a capricious child and re-educate a crybaby

If you do not know how to behave with a capricious child, use the following recommendations from psychologists. If it was still not possible to avoid whims, then, first of all, the child must be isolated from witnesses who can see his hysteria. The fact is that very often children work for the public. The kid needs to be taken out of the room where the rest of the adults gathered. You can only let him back in if he has calmed down. This action often leads to the most positive results in the shortest time.

When the baby begins to act up in a crowded place, such as in a store, you must firmly ignore any manifestations of tantrum. The child should be told that the conversation with him will take place only after he calms down.

However, before using such methods, you need to make sure that the baby's psyche develops in a normal way. Such methods will not work on a child with a weak nervous system, they can only aggravate his condition.

You need to re-educate a capricious child as quickly as possible. Parents should show their disapproval of the child's behavior in every possible way. For example, after another tantrum, a mother may say before going to the store that she was very upset by his behavior the last time. For this reason, she now takes the child with her, hoping that he made the right conclusions after that incident. It must be remembered that all the requirements of the baby, which he makes during a tantrum, must be ignored. Otherwise, such phenomena will happen more and more often.

The child should learn to manage their emotions and recognize them. During his whims, you can ask him leading questions so that he can understand the cause of the tears. Parents should offer him alternative ways to express their emotions. For example, a baby may start tearing up an old newspaper, jumping on one leg if he is very angry with something. He should explain that adults also experience similar emotions, but find the strength not to express them so clearly.

Parents should be consistent always and everywhere, especially if the child is next to them. In public, you need to behave very calmly, especially at home. Children perfectly feel those moments when their whims will have the greatest impact on their parents. As soon as they understand in which situation mom or dad has the least firmness, all their efforts will be directed to this place.

An important point in the course of how to raise a capricious child is the approval of calm behavior. When a child has managed to cope with his anger or some kind of stressful situation, he should be praised and encouraged. In the future, this method should be resorted to if the baby again tries to throw a tantrum. The baby needs to be hugged, kissed and praised as often as possible. It is parents who have a primary influence on the self-esteem and self-awareness of children.

To avoid tantrums, it is necessary to develop the will of the baby from early childhood. At the same time, the will is not the ability to insist on one's own at all costs, but the ability to cope with the difficulties that arise. Children need to be taught on their own, dress, make the bed, dust, remove toys, etc. In order to prevent hysteria, it is very convenient to apply the rule of the third call, that is, parents begin to talk about the end of some business in advance. In addition, the child should be given the opportunity to understand the feelings of other people. The sooner he starts doing this, the easier he will be able to fit into the society around him.

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Tearfulness

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And so it seems he went early, spoke early.

7. but then everything seemed to settle down. Always worries, if something does not work out, immediately into tears.

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2. The birth went very quickly, 4 hours passed from contractions to the appearance of the baby. Without any pathologies.

3. The child was given an average score, but it seems that they just put a fleeting birth and that's it.

4. the child was very whiny, could cry in choke to bruises, barely pumped out, as much as the body went limp.

At first he was afraid, and talked only with girls, but the teacher praised, he has a problem - to complain to everyone, so the guys called him a snitch,

I can't do anything, I'm stupid. etc.

He said that the boy was emotional, vulnerable. He wrote that we have chronic vegetative-vascular dystonia and that's it, it seems to be normal, drink glycine and that's enough.

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Yelling at children is generally not worth it, and even more so at people like your son. And the fact that you encourage him with gifts is also not entirely correct. That is why he is constantly begging for new purchases. Try it at least now, before it’s too late, and the consumer has not yet fully formed from the child, encourage not with gifts, but with interesting trips somewhere: to the children's theater, to the park, to the cinema, museums, to exhibitions. In general, wherever possible.

As for the treatment of enuresis. Of course, you can do nothing of what I suggested. Your right. But in the hospital, 10 suns were not on "nervous grounds", here you are deeply mistaken. And because the treatment of urinary incontinence is not one diary, but a system - a conversation with a child, a diet, a child's auto-training, his encouragement, motivation from adults. However, I wrote about it in detail. And, of course, it takes a long time to wait for results in such advanced cases as yours.

Thank you very much for your advice, I will listen and will definitely take action. a guy who should be independent. Please tell me how to be?

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And please tell me some classes or tasks to increase self-esteem, if such exist, of course. I sent him to the aikido section a year ago, he likes it, he even succeeds, but he can’t and doesn’t want to use these techniques when his peers run into him, is it all in vain, for nothing?!

3. In which ones do you scold?

And tell me how to communicate with him so that he hears me, and does not whimper, how to find the key, tactics for him?

And by the way, it’s very difficult to make him eat fish, chicken and meat - he cries from all this, I don’t understand, I have to persuade him, although at 8 years old already

Childish tearfulness. Causes and Solutions

Reasons for tears

Children's excitability, tearfulness and emotionality are much higher than the same qualities in adults. And this is normal, since the child's psyche is still unstable. An insignificant reason for us can become a real tragedy for a child. With the help of tears, a child reacts to all the negative moments in his life, tears for him are just an expression of emotions that he has not yet learned to restrain. But children also suddenly and quickly have the ability to switch from bad to good, forgetting about tears.

Star Stories. Difficult child

Therefore, the first thing to advise parents is to treat children's tears more calmly. The younger the child, the more often he expresses his negative emotions with tears.

If you notice that the child is crying too often and a lot (at least against the background of peers), then there may be several reasons.

First of all, we can talk about the temperament or individual characteristics of the child's nervous system. Each of us is naturally given a weak or strong nervous system. People with a weak nervous system and in adulthood are characterized by increased sensitivity, vulnerability and a tendency to melancholy.

In children, these features are more pronounced - from the first days of life, the child was characterized by increased excitability, sleeps poorly and often cries. In addition, you may notice that the child reacts painfully to sad episodes in cartoons, scary tales, and does not tolerate screaming and noise.

Parenting Mistakes

A common mistake of parents is that they try to overcome the tearfulness of such a melancholic child, urging him not to cry and even sometimes making fun of tears, especially when it comes to a boy. In fact, such upbringing turns into the fact that the child’s self-doubt and self-rejection are added to the natural tearfulness.

Over time, the child's psyche is strengthened, self-control develops, and he will cry less and less. However, it is useful in communicating with a child to consciously focus his attention on the good aspects of life, gently switch him from the negative ones, not allowing him to “go in cycles” on the bad for a long time.

If tearfulness in a child manifested itself unexpectedly, then the cause, first of all, should be sought in the presence of some kind of chronic stress. Adaptation to kindergarten or school, divorce of parents or conflicts in the family, problems in relationships with peers - all these factors weaken the nervous system of the child, making him excitable.

That's why it's important to see true reason internal tension of the child and overcome it, and not fight with tears, as with a consequence. Often the child becomes whiny and during the period of age crises (one year, three and seven years). With overcoming the crisis period, such tearfulness usually goes away by itself.

How to react?

Sometimes children's tears are not an expression of internal tension or weakness, but only a way of behavior that has proven to be effective. Watch for situations in which the child begins to cry. If tears always appear only in a situation of some parental prohibition and restrictions (but, for example, a sad cartoon does not cause tears in a child), and crying often turns into hysteria - it is worth considering why this method of influence has become for a child effective way get it from your parents.

A small child does not consciously manipulate tears, but if his experience shows that tears can always achieve the abolition of demands and the fulfillment of desires, this method often becomes his "weapon".

Separately, it is worth mentioning the more serious causes of children's tearfulness. For example, we are talking about childhood depression or experienced violence. If you notice that the child has suddenly become very tearful, tense, while his interest in life has decreased and his hobbies have ceased to be carried away, communication with family and friends has decreased, nervous tics, nightmares and other serious symptoms have appeared, it makes sense to contact a child psychologist for detailed diagnostics emotional state child.

Love your children and try to understand the cause, not to eradicate the consequences.

Tearfulness in a child

Asks: Natalia:04:04)

The child is 10 years old. Since childhood, he was whiny, they thought he would outgrow it, but it gets worse with age. He cries both from pain and from resentment. this, but she doesn’t want to understand us. She doesn’t have friends at school, she mostly communicates with girls. I inspire him that it’s impossible, everyone laughs, but in my opinion he is not particularly ashamed of his tearfulness. mind.

Timonina Natalya Pavlovna

The slowness of the child may be the result of his physiological features. Scolding him, you will not change his nature in any way, but will contribute to the formation of low self-esteem, self-doubt, which apparently has already happened. Continuing to take care of him as a baby, you do not give him a chance to grow up and learn to cope with the situations that he finds himself in life on his own, this causes his reluctance to go anywhere, and the need for communication is realized with the help of a computer. His tearfulness and resentment is a sure signal that you need to change your position in relation to the child. I think that the internal help of a psychologist is necessary for both your son and you.

Sincerely, psychologist N. Timonina

Hello, Natalia. A melting child is usually a child who is deprived of childhood. Childhood is not quoted in the eyes of adults, but in the first place is strictness, observance of rules, criticism and education. At the same time, the child is forced to live not his own life, but yours, pragmatic, which always ahead of him, his childhood life. And, therefore, you are forcing him to give up his desires, intentions, skills. inclinations. He destroys his willpower, self-confidence. He becomes an amorphous. have already formed. to do is another question. After all, you will deviate from your rules, according to which the son is obliged to live.

Natalya, if a child cries, then something is wrong in his life, most likely he feels unhappy. In addition, you name a few more signs of his emotional distress: there are no friends at school, he does not want to go anywhere, only a computer is his hobby.

It seems to me that if you really want to change this situation, then it makes sense to turn to a psychologist (you can go to a school psychologist, you can go to me), but at the same time be ready to reconsider your approaches to the perception of your child, communication with him, education.

Sincerely, family psychotherapist Rumiya Kalinina

Forum site Nyanya.ru

Tearfulness

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Indeed, the fact that the son spoke about the desire to die is an alarming symptom.

I do not really understand doctors who say that enuresis is not emotional background. If they mean neurotic enuresis, then it SHOULD be TREATED! Treat with a psychologist.

1. What kind of pregnancy did you have: with or without pathologies? Did you get sick or not? Was there a threat of miscarriage? Whether they were in storage, and so on - all the details!

2. What kind of childbirth did you have: in what week? Self or caesarean? Is the labor normal or fast (how many hours did you give birth)? Was there any pathology during childbirth - entanglement of the umbilical cord of the fetus, hypoxia, etc.?

3. The baby was born: what was the Apgar score for him? Have you made any neurological diagnoses? Have you been registered with a neurologist, and if so, with what diagnoses?

4. How did the child develop up to a year: according to the norm, was ahead of development, lagged behind? What was the child like: excitable, excessively lethargic, sleepy, or within the normal range?

5. Were there any features of development from 1 year to 8 years?

6. What chronic diseases does the child have?

7. How is the child doing in school?

8. When was the last time you visited a neurologist and what did he write in the conclusion?

9. When did the enuresis start in the child? Is enuresis daytime or nocturnal?

10. How was enuresis treated in the hospital? Is the child currently taking any medications?

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1. Pregnancy was at the age of 18, without any symptoms, I didn’t even realize that I was pregnant, no problems.

2. The birth went very quickly, 4 hours passed from contractions to the appearance of the baby. Without any pathologies.

3. The child was given an average score, but it seems that they just put a fleeting birth and that's it.

5. Only enuresis and frequent otitis, otherwise he is a shy boy in front of strangers, but he can be rude in front of us.

6. He has grade 2 adenoiditis, enuresis, that's all.

9. Enuresis probably at the age of 5 sounded the alarm, nocturnal.

10. Were treated with bos-therapy, all tests are good and examinations. Picamilon was given in the hospital and now it takes 1 month. drink at home. And that's it.

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Let me comment a little on your answers so that you have more complete information about the health and problems of your child.

2. The birth went very quickly, 4 hours passed from contractions to the appearance of the baby. Without any pathologies.

Childbirth in four hours - this is the pathology, which is called either fast or rapid childbirth.

3. The child was given an average score, but it seems that they just put a fleeting birth and that's it.

There is no "average" score. According to the Apgar scale, two points are given. One - immediately after the birth of a child, the second - after five minutes of his life. These points are an assessment of the child's condition: skin color, heartbeat, breathing, reflexes. According to these indicators, in the future, doctors can judge whether labor activity has caused some pathologies at an older age. Apgar scores are usually written in the birth chart, and it is glued into the child's card, which is given in the clinic.

4. the child was very whiny, could cry in choke to bruises, barely pumped out, as much as the body went limp.

Most likely, this is the consequences of rapid childbirth.

At first he was afraid, and talked only with girls, but the teacher praised, he has a problem - to complain to everyone, so the guys called him a snitch,

The child still developed incorrect behavior in the team, since the children gave such an insulting nickname. We need to understand why this happened. As you understand, this does not make the son happy.

I can't do anything, I'm stupid. etc.

Most likely, this indicates a low self-esteem of the son.

He said that the boy was emotional, vulnerable. He wrote that we have chronic vegetative-vascular dystonia and that's it, it seems to be normal, drink glycine and that's enough.

And what, the neurologist did not write that the child had a diagnosis of primary enuresis.

What kind of family do you have and how do you raise your son? Who else is involved in education? How often do you take care of a child? Do you teach with him? Do you play? What are you playing? Do you go somewhere? How do you encourage and how do you punish?

1. Take time to a) calmly b) talk kindly to your son. Say that although adults sometimes pee in bed, everyone wants to get rid of it. And they get rid of it. And he can! And you will help him.

2. Say that the first thing to do is to start a diary, like at school. And every morning you will together mark with some symbol what the night was like (it is desirable that the symbol was invented by the child himself), as the simplest option is a “dry” night - the sun, a “wet” one - a cloud.

3. It is very important for home therapy to motivate the child additionally with rewards. Buy a bunch of small and inexpensive, but cute souvenirs for a boy: stickers, small cars, small bouncing balls, etc. Say that for every dry night he will receive a prize. It is clear that it is unlikely that the child will succeed immediately, so reward “for diligence” once every three to five days.

4. Be sure to follow a certain diet until more or less stable dry nights are established: reducing fluid intake before bedtime (with fruit replacement) and increasing its intake during the day.

5. Tell your son that he should come up with some magic words and say them out loud in bed every day before going to bed. For example, it could be the phrase "In the morning I wake up dry"!

6. I don’t know what time your son goes to bed and you go to bed, but around 12..00 at night you need to wake him up (and until he is completely awake, and not to a sleepy state!) And take him to the toilet.

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Our family is incomplete, I am grandparents, we do not communicate with dad. Now I work, the child is on vacation with his parents, of course his grandmother spoiled him, our grandfather is strict, but the son does not obey anyone, and if you shout, then in tears.

I did the lessons, then grandfather, it’s very difficult with him, he is in a hurry to do everything faster and go to cartoons, but you can’t, so there are a lot of mistakes and dirt, albeit in a draft. We play with him in a sea battle, he likes it, we read books, we collect puzzles, we play badminton. But we don’t go anywhere, we don’t go much, it rarely happens by going to the park, on a bicycle, my grandfather took him to the wax museum, well, now his age is such that he is only interested in cartoons, but psp which I don’t want to buy. In general, my mother always requires you to buy it for me, several times in 1 hour, as if he does not hear my answer, and I answer, for example, yes Alyosha will buy money, but not psp, but a big bike. We punish with the deprivation of the TV and send to the room. But it doesn’t take him much, he puffs up, time passes, he forgot what happened, he sneaks up and sucks up and that’s it. Encouragement of course goodies, gifts, surprises.

And about enuresis, we drew such diaries for a long time, there were only clouds, here in the hospital there were 10 days of sunshine against a nervous background. And every day I tell him, son, you won’t describe yourself smart, you’ll wake up dry, yes, yes, if I don’t fall asleep soundly. and all..

My son goes to bed at 21.00 strictly, because it’s early for school, now maybe at 22.00, not later, they tried to raise it and 2 times, he managed to make it even more.

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Yelling at children is generally not worth it, and even more so at people like your son. And the fact that you encourage him with gifts is also not entirely correct. That is why he is constantly begging for new purchases. Try it at least now, before it’s too late, and the consumer has not yet fully formed from the child, encourage not with gifts, but with interesting trips somewhere: to the children's theater, to the park, to the cinema, museums, to exhibitions. In general, wherever possible.

As for the treatment of enuresis. Of course, you can do nothing of what I suggested. Your right. But in the hospital, 10 suns were not on "nervous grounds", here you are deeply mistaken. And because the treatment of urinary incontinence is not one diary, but a system - a conversation with a child, a diet, a child's auto-training, his encouragement, motivation from adults. However, I wrote about it in detail. And, of course, it takes a long time to wait for results in such advanced cases as yours.

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Yelling at children is generally not worth it, and even more so at people like your son. And the fact that you encourage him with gifts is also not entirely correct. That is why he is constantly begging for new purchases. Try it at least now, before it’s too late, and the consumer has not yet fully formed from the child, encourage not with gifts, but with interesting trips somewhere: to the children's theater, to the park, to the cinema, museums, to exhibitions. In general, wherever possible.

As for the treatment of enuresis. Of course, you can do nothing of what I suggested. Your right. But in the hospital, 10 suns were not on "nervous grounds", here you are deeply mistaken. And because the treatment of urinary incontinence is not one diary, but a system - a conversation with a child, a diet, a child's auto-training, his encouragement, motivation from adults. However, I wrote about it in detail. And, of course, it takes a long time to wait for results in such advanced cases as yours.

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If you dealt with the problem of enuresis in your son, it would be very correct. After all, the boy suffers from this.

And please tell me some classes or tasks to increase self-esteem, if such exist, of course. I sent him to the aikido section a year ago, he likes it, he even succeeds, but he can’t and doesn’t want to use these techniques when his peers run into him, is it all in vain, for nothing?!

You see, if we talk about the aikido section, then, of course, this is not in vain. But the result that you are waiting for, most likely, will not be. For two reasons. Here are the principles of Aikido: "It would be wrong to consider aikido as a system of various techniques and principles.

Morihei Ueshiba, the founder of aikido, studied several branches of traditional jujutsu, kenjutsu, and the art of calligraphy. On the basis of the acquired knowledge, he formed his own system - Aikido, as opposed to the traditional bu-jutsu (the art of killing). Aikido - Budo (the way to stop killing), teaches the same killing techniques of bu-jutsu, only not for the purpose of killing, but for the purpose of stopping them, making a person strong, helping others, uniting all people on the basis of love."

As you can see, Aikido teaches not to be aggressive at all. And your son is not so aggressive. Aikido will help him more quickly find inner harmony, which is also included in the principles of Aikido.

As for exercises that increase the self-esteem of the child. Of course they are. But first of all, parents should analyze their behavior, because a child's self-esteem is mirror reflection relationship between parents and son or daughter.

Please answer the following questions:

1. How do you react to your son's tears?

2. In what situations do you praise him?

3. In which ones do you scold?

4. What are your son's grades at school?

5. How does he do homework at home - alone or with the help of someone?

6. What are the difficulties in doing homework?

7. Does the child have friends? How do they treat him?

8. Do you invite children home?

9. What is your child complaining about?

10. Write the first five (as many as possible) adjectives that immediately come to your mind when you address your son with the words "What are you like for me."? Which?

And tell me how to communicate with him so that he hears me, and does not whimper, how to find the key, tactics for him?

Unfortunately, this question no longer concerns psychology, but pedagogy. And the answer to this very general question "how to pick up a key for a child" can be just as general. I can only guess what problems you and the boy have, but nothing more. The problem is that you can't hear each other. After all, you yourself write that "although at the age of 8, he is already a guy who should be independent." And this means that you have a PERSON in front of you with your desires and needs, and not a newborn, whom you only feed and change his diapers (although the newborn already has a need for communication, for example!) Therefore, the first question you should ask yourself is, why is my baby whimpering? There can be many answers! If a child has chronic VVD, then it may be the cause, that is, fatigue, headaches, weather sensitivity. If your child is highly emotional, vulnerable, and this may be the reason for whining.

I don’t know how you communicate with your son, but you need to communicate with such children so that they hear you, not directive, but as a partner, making compromises, constantly offering help, instilling confidence in the child that he can do anything, that he is smart , capable, and most importantly - loved by you, and you always support and protect him.

And further. You have to truly believe in a child. That is, if he said that he would remove the toys in two hours, then tell him that you believe. And if in two hours he tells you that it is hard for him to collect, because he is tired - do not punish for lying, but simply help to collect. For in the first option, the child will lie more and more sophisticatedly, and in the second, he will gradually understand that the mother is a friend, and she can be trusted with her condition. Note the state.

I understand, for you, perhaps, this sounds somewhat abstract. But I can't tell you otherwise. I am raising my child the same way.

And by the way, it’s very difficult to make him eat fish, chicken and meat - he cries from all this, I don’t understand, I have to persuade him, although at 8 years old already

The fact that the boy is eight years old has nothing to do with this situation. It's still a child. What does he eat then? And did he always refuse meat, fish and poultry? Does he have any other strange eating behavior, for example, excessive squeamishness? Addicted to the same plate, cup? The need to put food in a certain order?

Tears are a common reaction to some sad event; increased tearfulness is a symptom of mental or physical exhaustion. In the differential diagnosis, it is necessary to exclude diseases of the brain:

• multiple sclerosis,
• bulbar paralysis,
• cerebral atherosclerosis.

In any case, a neurological examination is necessary. As a rule, in this case, along with drug therapy, psychotherapy is prescribed.

Treatment of tearfulness

To get rid of increased tearfulness, you need to radically change your lifestyle. Of course, this will take a long time. Start small - bring more positivity into your life. Surround yourself with bright colors: decorate the window with colored curtains, hang beautiful pictures on the wall, buy brighter clothes.

Stop looking at the nightly news

For the most part, they carry only negative, upsetting and escalating the situation even more. Watch only good movies.

Don't forget about rest

Be sure to please yourself with sweets, give yourself gifts and at least occasionally allow what you want for your soul and body. If you love to skate, like to go to the theater, enjoy dancing, then you have a different opportunity to get rid of overwhelming emotions and forget about troubles. A hobby brings color to life and distracts from the daily routine.

Take care of your health

Let proper nutrition, daily sports and healthy sleep become habitual for you. Within a month or two you will see significant changes. No wonder they say: "A healthy mind in a healthy body."

Tearfulness in children

Children's excitability, tearfulness and emotionality are much higher than the same qualities in adults. And this is normal, since the child's psyche is still unstable. If you notice that the child is crying too often and a lot (at least against the background of peers), then there may be several reasons.

First of all, we can talk about the temperament or individual characteristics of the child's nervous system. People with a weak nervous system and in adulthood are characterized by increased sensitivity, vulnerability and a tendency to melancholy.

A common mistake of parents is that they try to overcome the tearfulness of such a melancholic child, urging him not to cry and even sometimes making fun of tears, especially when it comes to a boy. In fact, such upbringing turns into the fact that the child’s self-doubt and self-rejection are added to the natural tearfulness.

Over time, the child's psyche is strengthened, self-control develops, and he will cry less and less. However, it is useful in communicating with a child to consciously focus his attention on the good aspects of life, gently switch him from the negative ones, not allowing him to “go in cycles” on the bad for a long time.

If tearfulness in a child manifested itself unexpectedly, then the cause, first of all, should be sought in the presence of some kind of chronic stress. Adaptation to kindergarten or school, divorce of parents or conflicts in the family, problems in relationships with peers - all these factors weaken the nervous system of the child, making him excitable.

Often the child becomes whiny and during the period of age crises (one year, three and seven years). With overcoming the crisis period, such tearfulness usually goes away by itself.

Separately, it is worth mentioning the more serious causes of children's tearfulness. For example, we are talking about childhood depression or experienced violence. If you notice that the child has suddenly become very tearful, tense, while his interest in life has decreased and his hobbies have ceased to be carried away, communication with family and friends has decreased, nervous tics, nightmares and other serious symptoms have appeared, it makes sense to contact a child psychologist for detailed diagnosis of the emotional state of the child.

Questions and answers on the topic "Tearfulness"

Question:Recently, I began to notice that I had turned into a real crybaby. For example, I can perfectly understand that a broken knee or a petty squabble with someone I know is not worth worrying about because of this, but for some reason I still start to roar. That is, I understand that it's not worth it, that all these are trifles and that similar cases have already happened to me dozens of times, but still I continue to cry. Why is this happening to me? Maybe it's because I'm too impressionable and emotional? Or do I have weak nerves? How to deal with it? Maybe I should take an anxiety test?

Answer: Yes, it can be a consequence of neurosis or hormonal changes in the body. Be checked up at the endocrinologist, often such status is given by a thyroid gland. Neurosis that arose against the background of stressful situations (usually protracted) is also not a gift. Well, finally, a critical age (either teenage or menopausal) In any case, peony tincture will help you (take according to the instructions), a contrast shower, and if there is a feeling of a lump in the throat, Ignatia is a good homeopathic remedy. But the thyroid gland needs to be checked anyway.

Question:Good afternoon. There is no more strength left. I constantly feel tired, and not just, but exhausted to the limit. From morning to evening. Constantly sick, no appetite, I try to cook delicious food, but there is no pleasure in eating (Head spinning and impotence to cry all the time, but even there is no strength to cry.

Answer: Natalia, you have a pronounced astheno-neurotic depressive syndrome. It is mandatory to consult a psychologist.

Question:My father had a second stroke, now after resuscitation he is already in the ward, when we visit, he cries very often, before after 1 stroke this was not the case, will it pass?

Answer: This is a consequence of brain damage after a stroke. As neurologists of the old school say, "it's the right hemisphere crying." There are "abnormal" states - unjustified gaiety - euphoria, increased tearfulness, aggressiveness, negativism. It should pass, the brain compensates. But it all depends on the location of the lesion, the area of ​​the lesion and the compensatory capabilities of the brain.

Question:Hello, I'm interested in the following question. Recently, I constantly want to cry over trifles: I see a commercial with small children, animals, in which there is nothing sad. I can sob over the film from start to finish. It started not so long ago, a few months ago. She has never been distinguished by an unstable psyche, there are no serious problems and stresses in life.

Answer: Your tearfulness is a sign that you need to get married and have children. Congratulations - it looks like you are ripe for marriage and Serious relationships. Perhaps, subconsciously, when you watch touching films and cute animals, kids, you think that you could already have such small children or your own house with such animals - and a husband to boot. You so glibly reported about the absence of serious stress that I began to doubt it. Tearfulness from time to time is normal: our lacrimal glands must be cleaned from time to time and remove harmful toxins from the body. In addition, tears relieve stress, tension from internal dissatisfaction. This is a sign of mature emotionality.

Question:The child is 10 years old. Since childhood, he was whiny, they thought he would outgrow it, but with age it gets worse. Crying from both pain and resentment. We live with my grandmother, she takes care of him completely, fiddles like with a little one, he is also very slow, we swear about this, but she does not want to understand us. He has no friends at school, he mostly communicates with girls. I inspire him that it’s impossible, everyone laughs, but in my opinion he is not particularly ashamed of his tearfulness. He does not want to go anywhere, only computers are on his mind.

Answer: The slowness of the child may be a consequence of his physiological characteristics. Scolding him, you will not change his nature in any way, but will contribute to the formation of low self-esteem, self-doubt, which apparently has already happened. Continuing to take care of him as a baby, you do not give him a chance to grow up and learn to cope with the situations that he finds himself in life on his own, this causes his reluctance to go anywhere, and the need for communication is realized with the help of a computer. His tearfulness and resentment is a sure signal that you need to change your position in relation to the child. I think that the internal help of a psychologist is necessary for both your son and you.

Hello. The boy is 6 years old. Very tearful emotional if something does not work out for him or does not have time to cry right away. Previously went to Kindergarten OK, but lately he doesn't want to go to the garden. Ask him why he says that when they start studying in notebooks, he doesn’t succeed and he cries. Or if someone offends him, he also cries. They tried to explain that he was already big and there was no need to cry, but it did not help. In September, they began to go to school preparations and there is the same thing, something doesn’t work right away, crying. He used to be whiny too. But when I gave birth to a child (the little one is now a year old) and it seems to me the situation worsened. I even thought about whether to send him to school from the age of 7. Please help with advice. Thanks in advance.

Svetlana785

Svetlana Dyachenko

Administrator

Hello Svetlana785!
Tell me, please, how old are you?
Does the boy's father take part in his upbringing?
How does the older son feel about the younger brother?
I recommend the article
Psychologist Anna Chichina will comment on the questions asked after a while and will try to help you.

I am 27 years old. The husband is engaged with the boy and plays. Only rarely. Works a lot. Almost all the time I am with him or my grandmother. He treats his brother well. Says she loves him. We only had problems for the first few months. Very jealous. But now it's ok.

Svetlana785

Hello. Tell me, how do you and your husband react to his tears? What are you saying to him at this moment? Reading your posts, I read the word "weepy" several times. Is it already like a label on your child? Who else besides you talks about him like that?
Your son is an emotional person - this is normal.

They tried to explain that he was already big and there was no need to cry

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By such a statement, you unconsciously give him a ban on expressing your feelings and emotions. Crying is normal at any age. It’s just that your son still doesn’t know how to cope with his feelings and emotions, so he cries when it’s hard for him. He hasn't made it yet.
He needs a little help. He, apparently, has already formed such a repetitive behavior - to cry when it's hard. Tears, as a way of protection, as a way to draw attention to yourself, etc.
What you and dad can do for him: change your attitude towards his tears. Stop paying attention to it. Analyze when the behavior of a "crying" boy manifests itself most often. In a situation where he feels unsuccessful, afraid to make a mistake, then your task is to cheer him up, emotionally "stroke", say that everything will work out. But it is very important not to do his job for him.
Be with the child at least 30 minutes a day, only his mother. The same for dad. It is important not just to be physically close, but to be included in his game, his problems, to share joy with him, to discuss his difficulties and successes.

The husband is very angry when the son cries for nothing. And he begins to scold him because persuasion does not work. Tells him that you future man and men don't cry. But it doesn't help. I myself am already tired of saying that try to solve problems without tears.

It seems to me that tears are a defensive reaction. I just don't know how to deal with this situation. And especially when you cry in the garden

Svetlana785

I don't know how to behave in this situation. And especially when you cry in the garden

Click to reveal...

Talk to him at home about the fact that all people cry and that this is normal. Don't scold me for it!
Also, talk about the fact that each person can fail something. When we learn, we always make mistakes and that's okay too. You can also say "Tears will not help the cause!"

The husband is very angry when the son cries for nothing. And he begins to scold him because persuasion does not work. Tells him that you are a future man, and men do not cry.

Click to reveal...

There are many prejudices in this that program the child to fail. He is not yet a man, but a child who is developing and his nervous system is still unstable. Children of this age hurt a lot, offend, anger, etc. And there are almost always tears.
Dad needs to change his attitude to this. As soon as you, as a parent, stop paying so much attention to this topic and elevate it to the rank of a problem, the situation will change quite quickly for the child. This is a regularity.
You have chosen the wrong strategy. You are trying to explain to him that the feelings he is experiencing are not normal, but this is not so.
When he cries, try to tell him his feelings: resentment, fatigue, anger, joy. Try to guess his feelings and it will become easier for you to understand your son.

Crybaby- this is just an occasion that encourages the adult educative environment of babies to think about their own actions aimed at educational impact, as well as a reminder of the importance of parental attention for children. Often, the capriciousness of children indicates the connivance of their adult environment. The adult environment of relatives involved in the upbringing of babies allows the crumbs to behave in this spirit, not to obey the requirements and win what they want with the help of tearfulness and tantrums.

However, there is an opposite side to childish moodiness, which may indicate the presence of a chronic ailment or the appearance of an acute process. In addition, children's disobedience, whims and cries also depend on the momentary emotional state of the crumbs and the general physical condition. As a rule, absolutely all parents come into contact with all kinds of manifestations of children's capriciousness in the process of pedagogical influence and the formation of children's personalities.

Children, starting from their earliest childhood, express their own desires in different ways. Some through the use of certain general gestures, while others resort to "extortion", using only the means available to them, namely tears, throwing things, shouting. In other words, a child's whim is the desire of the baby to get what he wants, provided that he is somatically healthy.

Naughty child 2 years

Capriciousness and occasionally hysterical behavior are considered, in fact, natural way and practically the only opportunity through which the child tries to demonstrate his inner feelings. By such behavior, children try to explain what is wrong with them.

For what reason did a 2-year-old child suddenly become capricious and whiny? How to behave relatives and how can you help the baby?

Over a two-year period, crankiness is correlated with children's needs (eg, drink, eat) or their discomfort (eg, tight shoes that are too tight). Often, manifestations of capriciousness can also have a connection with the internal state of the guys. When sick, they may feel restless, pain which children are not even able to understand, and even more so to explain to adults. With any incomprehensible uncomfortable sensations, babies, first of all, try to suppress them, as a result of which they require the fulfillment of one “I want”, then another. However, the discomfort does not go away, so they burst into tears. Parents may regard such behavior as a whim.

Often, after suffering an illness, children continue to be capricious, demanding the same increased attention to their person that was during their illness. As a result, for many parents, the question becomes urgent, how to raise a capricious child? To do this, educating adults need to understand that a two-year-old baby is already able to adequately perceive prohibitions, remember the rules and follow them. Therefore, it is recommended that parents choose a line of behavior that will be based, first of all, on consistency and unity.

Consistency in educational influence means that once forbidding something to the baby in the future, it is necessary to adhere to this.

Unity - lies in the consistency of the upbringing strategy between all participants in this process. In other words, if dad punished the baby for some actions, then mom should support dad. If she does not agree with his actions, you should discuss the current situation, but only so that the baby does not hear.

You also need to consider that capricious children love the audience. Therefore, if you leave the baby alone in the room for a while, it will calm down by itself. By such behavior, parents demonstrate their position, which is a clear signal for the baby that he will not be able to achieve anything with such actions. Therefore, the need to behave in such a manner will disappear.

Naughty child 3 years old

In the case of 3 years, parents, for starters, are advised to remember that they are much older than their own children, and therefore smarter. Therefore, you do not need to play with the crumbs a game called "who will out-argue whom." You can give in to the baby in some trifle in order to defend your own position in something more significant.

Also, before scolding kids when they are capricious, you need to deal with the reasons that answer the question, why did the child become capricious? Mainly, the problem of the capriciousness of the age of three lies in the growing up of babies and overcoming their natural developmental crisis. In the three-year period, the crumbs often do everything upside down, as if to spite the elders. By such behavior, they simply seek to defend their own right to independence and separate their own person from their mother. Therefore, knowing this feature of babies, you can use it to your advantage. For example, by allowing the baby to do what they would not want to allow. To the baby’s phrase: “I won’t go to wash”, answer: “well, then dad will go to lie in the bath and play with toys instead of you.”

In order to avoid protracted tantrums, due to an unsatisfied whim, you can use another characteristic feature of three-year-old children - their rapid switch to new actions. Therefore, if a parent notices that the child is fixated on one of the “I want,” psychologists recommend immediately trying to switch attention. Timely switching of attention of kids will lead to their understanding that tantrums from adults will not achieve anything. As a result, the need for tantrums will disappear as unnecessary.

Thus, if the child suddenly becomes capricious, then there is no need to panic, first of all, you need to understand the reason for this behavior, and then try to use it for your own purposes, without using useless screams.

Capricious child 4 years

Four-year-olds are already quite independent individuals. They go to preschool, have favorite activities, they have their own preferences. And also four-year-old children are already big enough to use words to formulate their “wants”, to express feelings and needs.

Then why did the child become moody at 4 years old? Perhaps his capriciousness is a kind of copying of the behavior model traditional for this family? After all, if adults interact with each other in this way, then what can be expected from their child? Therefore, you need to try so that the baby is not present during quarrels and conflict situations of relatives. Also, you should not communicate with him in raised tones.

Tantrums, ostentatious disobedience, capriciousness of a three-year period were for children a kind of test of parental manipulation. Similar behavior at the age of four indicates that this manner of behaving has already become habitual. After all, for kids of four years, moodiness is a proven way to get what they want from their elders. So why ignore them?

Often, with the help of whims, the child is just trying to attract parental attention. Along with this, overly petted children are also often capricious. Excessive attention, which develops into overprotectiveness, tires children, as a result of which they become uncontrollable and achieve their tantrums.

A capricious naughty child in most cases is the result of improper educational influence on the crumbs in the early age period. However, often the reason for such behavior is age-related negativism.

The upbringing of a four-year-old capricious child does not differ radically from the educational impact on a three-year-old capricious child, but much more efforts must be made to correct the established behavior and patience. Therefore, the main weapon in the fight against childish capriciousness should be consistency in prohibited and permitted things, as well as the unity of educational strategy.

Capricious child 5 years

If the capriciousness of the age of three is considered to be the norm, then such behavior of preschoolers indicates pedagogical neglect. And, first of all, the parents and all other adults who are actively involved in the upbringing of the baby are to blame for this. Therefore, the constant whims of a preschooler should encourage parents to think about the correctness of the chosen model of education.

Often, whims at the age of five can indicate a maturing misunderstanding between the child and his adult environment.

Exorbitant perseverance on the verge of stubbornness and excessive tearfulness of children in an effort to achieve what they want, for the most part, is the result of improperly built relationships with them. And here we are not talking only about their spoiled. Indeed, often the whims of a five-year-old preschooler show that he simply does not know how to communicate his own experiences in a different way. Most likely, hysteria for him is a familiar means aimed at attracting the attention of a parent. Also, the indulgence of all the desires of children and the immediate fulfillment of their requirements can be perceived by kids as a manifestation of parental love.

Often parents, being overly loaded with work, seek to compensate for the lack of time devoted to them by satisfying the whims of their children. However, such a strategy not only fails to solve the problem, but also leads to permissiveness, lack of boundaries and spoiled. It will be quite difficult for such kids to adapt to the school environment.

How to raise a capricious child of 5 years? First of all, the adult environment of a preschooler needs to learn how to say a clear “no” to him at the same time, intelligibly arguing the reason for the refusal.

A capricious naughty child of 5 years old needs the elders to convey to him that capriciousness and disobedience are not the best means get what you want. They also demonstrated this postulate in practice, satisfying only those desires that are expressed in a calm tone in the form of a request and ignoring those that are accompanied by screaming, crying, stamping feet.

Capricious child - what to do

Many parents complain that the child has become capricious and whiny. Excessive tearfulness and disobedience of children is a fairly common phenomenon that can be easily corrected if parents follow simple recommendations.

First of all, adults should find out the reason for such behavior and exclude the presence of a somatic disease. If a child has become capricious, but at the same time is absolutely healthy, then his capriciousness is a response to environment, parental behavior, their methods of education, etc. Therefore, adults need to learn how to respond competently to the manifestation of children's disobedience and capriciousness:

- shouting and swearing should not be used as an educational measure;

- sometimes it is better to give in to a crumb in a smaller one in order to forbid in a larger one;

- it is necessary to give the baby the right to exercise independence;

— best method communication with children is considered to be a fight against capriciousness, therefore it is necessary to try to devote more time to communicating on an equal footing, without using a mentoring tone;

- before punishing the baby for capricious behavior, you should understand the motives of his actions;

- you should also try to negotiate with the baby, and not seek the necessary actions from him, crushing parental authority or shouting;

- any prohibition must be easily argued to the baby;

- you need to learn to distinguish between children's whims (in one case, a whim may indicate research activities baby, and in another - the desire to do contrary).

The child has become capricious - what to do? For the formation harmoniously developed personality baby parents need to understand that children are not their personal property, that there is no identical model of behavior for all children, each crumb is individual and therefore requires the same approach. Capriciousness does not always indicate disobedience or stubbornness, it can often indicate internal discomfort, lack of parental attention, overprotection, etc.