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The life and health of an unborn child depends on a huge number of factors.

Life is getting more and more dangerous these days. The body is harmed by a polluted atmosphere, modified food, toxic materials, drugs with a lot of side effects, and constant stress. According to statistics, only 36% of newborns do not have deviations.

How to get into the "good" percentage of statistics?

The life and health of an unborn child depends on a huge number of factors: the quality of the sperm and egg, exposure to radiation, alcohol, toxins, smog, lack of oxygen, malnutrition, the state of the female reproductive system and the body as a whole, the conflict between the fetus and mother (according to the Rh factor, etc.), injuries, stress, infections and medications.

The degree of influence of certain factors is unpredictable. Sometimes a glass of wine on the day of conception, nausea pills, or the flu in the first trimester lead to fetal defects. And sometimes women give birth to healthy babies in concentration camps, in the trenches, after chemotherapy, heart operations and kidney transplants. Don't foresee everything. However, the future dad can minimize the risks to his wife and child.

According to some doctors, out of 100 fertilized eggs, only 1 "survives to delivery." About 80% of embryos die in the first 3 weeks after conception due to genetic abnormalities, about 15% stop in development in the first trimester for the same reasons. The appearance of non-viable embryos is a direct consequence of the poor quality of sperm and eggs. Some of this can be prevented.

Three months before conception, the future father needs to start healthy lifestyle life. Give up beer (it promotes the production of the female hormone estrogen, reducing the potency and viability of sperm), strong alcohol (increases the risk of deformities), nicotine (reduces sperm motility), potent drugs (as agreed with the doctor). Get tested for hidden sexual infections, HIV and hepatitis, consult a geneticist. Try to lose weight (if necessary), walk more, play sports at least 2-3 times a week.

Most important point preparation for conception - psychological. It's no secret that many marriages break up during the wife's pregnancy and in the first year after the baby is born. Therefore, the future father (and sometimes mother) just needs to get to know babies better - babysit nephews, children of friends, communicate with young parents. This will protect against unjustified expectations, allow for the inevitable difficulties, the whims of the wife and her poor health (up to 70% of pregnant women are in the hospital at least once), prepare for the difficulties of caring for a newborn.

Particular attention must be paid family relations. Unfortunately, in many men, a pregnant woman causes biological rejection. She must be protected, patronized - and look for new objects for fertilization. Similar desires arise in many husbands, but adultery can negate all concern for the unborn baby - a venereal disease, a contact infection, or the inappropriate perseverance of a new girlfriend is enough for the wife to lose the long-awaited baby. If passions overcome, it is better to turn to a priest or a psychologist than to risk the health of the future heir.

Proper nutrition of a pregnant woman is a necessary condition for the normal development of a healthy baby. The expectant mother needs proteins, vegetable fats, "light" carbohydrates, a lot of iron, calcium, and vitamins. But "heavy" carbohydrates, animal fats (except fish), salt and preservatives will have to be limited. The task of the future father is to provide the pregnant woman with the highest quality products and help control food cravings.

If possible, try to avoid processed, canned, freeze-dried, and reconstituted foods. Best Products for a pregnant woman - farm or village vegetables, meat, poultry, eggs and milk. Every day expectant mother you need to eat at least one serving of milk or dairy products, at least one serving of meat or fish, one egg, at least three servings of vegetables and fruits.

Particularly useful are apples, pomegranates, tomatoes, carrots, apricots, buckwheat and oatmeal, "wild" rice, cottage cheese, yogurt, acidophilus, red fish, rabbit fillets and "homemade" chickens. Strict observance of fasts and vegetarianism with the rejection of milk, eggs and fish during pregnancy are dangerous. In the second and third trimesters, at least once or twice a week, meat or chicken offal is needed - liver, heart. The task of the future dad is to monitor weight gain so that a large mom does not overeat, and a thin one does not suffer from exhaustion.

Sometimes pregnant women have strange food addictions - they want spicy, salty, sweet, fatty and categorically harmful. To a certain extent, these whims should be indulged - in this way the body reports a shortage of the substances it needs. However, if the expectant mother is drawn to fast food, questionable smoked meats or street pies, it is better to find out what she really wants and make up for the lack of healthy and nutritious foods. If the expectant mother wants alcohol, then in the second and third trimesters, you can allow her 1 small glass of “live” beer or light natural wine at dinner. In the first trimester, with toxicosis, problems with the liver or kidneys, alcohol is strictly contraindicated.

It is believed that a pregnant woman has a "double psyche" - the emotions of the mother are transmitted to the baby, and he is able to influence the mother. Therefore, any grief or experience of a pregnant woman will certainly affect the child. The task of the future father is to protect his wife from all worries, hardships and hardships, allowing her to focus on bearing the baby.

A woman "in position" has a hard time - hormones affect her constantly changing mood, cause tearfulness, irritability, and increased anxiety. She worries about changes in appearance, worries if everything is in order with the baby, is jealous, envious. This is normal, especially during the first pregnancy. The future father can only reconcile, over and over again reassuring his wife, assuring her of his love.

It is very important not to forget about compliments, to see the beauty of the spouse and repeat to her how sweet and desirable she is. Do not refuse marital caresses, rub tired shoulders and swollen legs, stroke your stomach and draw funny faces on it. Kiss before leaving and upon return, do not forget to call in the middle of the working day, from the cottage or from a business trip. Listen to the same anxieties ten times.

If you have to send your spouse to a sanatorium, to a dacha or to a village, she should not feel like a criminal in exile, otherwise the whole healing effect of fresh air and healthy food will go to waste. Visit her at least on weekends, walk with her, make her laugh, make small gifts, call her daily. If she is “in storage”, your visits are all the more important to her - the roommates will certainly frighten her, the doctors will alarm her, and it is harmful for her to worry.

Try to go to classes for new parents, yoga or swimming for pregnant women together. Discuss what to buy for the nursery, how to furnish it, what to take care of. Wait for the expectant mother in the consultation, in the ultrasound room, admire how your baby looks. This is very close and reassuring, the wife begins to be proud of her caring and attentive husband.

Expecting a baby is the happiest time in the life of many couples. Mutual love and trust will help you acquire a wonderful healthy child!

- ed.

The child's behavior is completely normal and natural for the CHILD and her age. There is nothing to fix and nothing to deal with. You just need to be patient and wait until the child grows up.

Did you resent when your daughter was small and cried when she wanted to eat? Are you angry with her? Beaten for it? No. What changed? She began to speak. As a rule, as soon as the child begins to talk, we lose to him unconditional love. And it begins: if you behave well - I love you, if you behave "wrongly" - I punish you. As a rule, the most mentally stable and friendly children are those who started talking late. Not because they themselves are somehow special, but because their parents do not expect them to “understand” their explanations and notations.

The fact that the child began to speak does not mean at all that he has become an adult and you can “talk on an equal footing” with him.

It's all from inexperience. When the child ceases to be the first, and will be the second, third, and so on, everything will become easy. You don't need to work with your child, you need to work with yourself. The problem here is only in the wrong parental behavior, high expectations and insufficient attention to the child. You simply have not yet learned to communicate with the child as with a child, you do not understand that she is still SMALL. You talk to her like an adult, you try to EXPLAIN her, but she understands everything, but DOES NOT WANT to listen.

Firstly, she understands in her own way, it is you who do not understand her and do not want to understand. What makes you think that the blue balloon is less important than being late for Kindergarten or to work? Do you have any respect for her point of view? Trying to understand her childhood grief, how hard it is for her without a toy, sympathize, regret? Then how can a child learn to empathize with your adult problems: fear of being late for work, kindergarten, and so on? After all, your problems are much further from her, and the ability to empathize, the possibility of imagination, the ability to put yourself in the place of another is much lower. Show her an example of empathy, empathize, support, and over time, she will also relate to your problems.

Understand one thing: she is NOT ADULT, she does not “want”, she CANNOT.

Just can not refuse the ball, can not calm down. The fact that a child talks does not mean that he has grown up and is capable of the same volitional efforts as an adult. You just need to humble your adult pride, pity the child and outgrow it all without making your daughter a frightened neurasthenic, hysterical, without destroying her safety zone: when the closest person - MOTHER - becomes scary and dangerous.

You cannot control such situations, but you can prevent them. Look closely at the child, know when he feels unwell, what he is worried about, what toys he has favorites, which he cannot refuse, and so on. There is no need to wait for conflict and hysteria, you must always be on the alert and prevent before it happens. Always act out a scenario with your child before everything happens and teach them when and how to act. At the door of the store, explain whether it will be possible to buy something for her there, what exactly and for what amount. Before visiting, explain what her behavior will be undesirable and that if it happens, what will you do with her, then the child will not roll on the floor in hysterics, not wanting to be punished by leaving home too early, etc.

If you enter into a conflict, then it is almost impossible to resolve it without consequences.

Either you will crush your daughter with violence, or you will undermine your authority. It needs to be prevented. You are an adult, observant, look after the child, switch him from bad mood. You see a worried look when it's time to go somewhere, start a conversation about a new amusement park, about your favorite cartoon, about something else that the child will enthusiastically support and forget about his anxiety.

The situation with the blue balloon has happened and happens to everyone, it’s just that everyone comes out of it differently.

With my first daughter, I also had the same experience as you. Now I would “secure” leaving the house in advance. Example: a) we always get up a little earlier to do without the morning haste, you never know what: you will need to put on a “different, favorite” dress, find a toy, you will sharply want to watch a cartoon or something,
b) directly at the door, so as not to rush the child - “get dressed faster, what are you digging into”, we always start a conversation like this: “Do you know what surprise I prepared for you after kindergarten?” and then there is a game of guessing what is there and how. As a rule, this is something simple: they downloaded a new cartoon (I tell briefly about whom, the child dreams of how he will return and look). I'm talking about the game we're going to play: Pirates and Treasure Hunt. We discuss what we will wear (how pirates dress), how we will draw a treasure map, etc. etc.

While such chatter, the child has already dressed himself without distractions and went out the door and the conversation continues in the entrance and to the very door of the garden. We kiss and part in anticipation of a meeting after kindergarten, satisfied with each other.

In general, the advice of an experienced mother: do not defend authority, just control the child, direct his thoughts in a positive direction.

He won't be small for long. Soon he will become older and he will have the strength and ability to obey you. You will not spoil him, do not drop parental authority, you will simply save his psyche and trust in you. Do not be afraid to give in to the child in almost everything while he is small. If it is impossible to yield (for example, dangerous situation, or he took someone else's thing and does not want to part with it, or there is no money, no opportunity, time), tell him how sorry you are that you cannot give in to his request, and be sure to hug and regret if he cries, do not scold , calm down, he has the right to cry because of an unfulfilled dream.

After some time, his psyche will become stronger, he will be much easier to get out of such situations, willpower will become stronger. Everything will straighten itself out, because there is nothing to straighten out, except your own reaction. This is age related and goes away on its own. The child has a desire to obey you, it’s just that there is still no strength, understanding, enough attention to hear all your desires. If there is something that you really want to fix, fix ONE AT TIME, with the child coming up with a ritual, for 3-4 weeks to develop a stable habit and switch to another.

For example, choose toys that the child wants to take to kindergarten in the evening in advance, think of a place where you put them so as not to look for them in the morning, etc. etc. A surprise happened, the child wanted to take something else, take something else out of the plan - do not saw, wait for the evening preparation of toys and have a conversation on what happened in the morning: but today you decided to do this and that, how WE will do in such cases, etc.

For many families, the question “How to conceive a child?” does not exist at all. But there are couples for whom pregnancy becomes an acute problem.

Don't worry too much about this! You just need to carefully study this process, thoroughly prepare for it and follow some simple rules.

How does the conception process take place?

During sexual intercourse, 3-5 ml of semen, containing from 300 to 500 million spermatozoa, is poured into the female vagina. The strongest sperm begin to reach the egg. They must travel through the uterine cavity to enter the fallopian tube.

This sperm is given 2-2.5 hours. In the fallopian tube, they can be from 2 to 7 days. One seed may not overcome all the obstacles on the way to the egg, so from 100 to 350,000 spermatozoa rush to attack, but only one of them manages to get into the egg!

When a male sperm and a female egg meet, fertilization will occur. Then, over the next 12 hours, an embryo is formed, consisting of only one cell. It is called a zygote.

The nascent embryo begins its journey through the fallopian tube to its place in the uterus. While the zygote is advancing, division of its cells occurs. Already on the 11-12th day after the connection of two cells, the embryo attaches to the soft layer of the uterus and begins to develop.

How to properly prepare for pregnancy?

To increase the chances of conception, you need to follow a few simple rules.

Medical examination

An examination by a specialist involves an examination of the expectant mother or both spouses. The doctor will give useful advice concerning your health and the health of your unborn child. For example, you will learn what vitamins you need to drink so that the baby is born healthy, and you remain strong and strong.

Healthy lifestyle

Healthy lifestyle principles for a future mother

In order to conceive a child correctly, a woman who plans to become pregnant soon needs to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

What is included in this concept?

Balanced diet

Proper nutrition with the use of a sufficient amount of fruits, cottage cheese, vegetables, meat, fish. The body of the expectant mother should receive all the necessary vitamins, useful material and without abuse.

moderate exercise

Systematic physical education, walking or fitness.

Complete cessation of smoking and alcohol consumption

Women and men who smoke are less likely to have healthy offspring. Alcohol dependence contributes to the birth of a sick child lagging behind in mental development other pathologies are possible. Is it worth risking the normal development of your baby.

Healthy lifestyle for the future father

Men must also comply with a number of conditions in order to maintain their reproductive qualities:

• refuse tight-fitting clothing (do not wear too tight swimming trunks and jeans);
• visit the sauna less often and wear seasonal clothes so as not to overheat. Overheating of the testicles reduces the release of normal semen,
• put away mobile phone from trouser pockets.

Diet

It's not about starvation. Starvation is generally contraindicated. Need to reset excess weight interfering with the onset of pregnancy. Strong thinness will also not lead to the desired result. Therefore, a balanced diet is the best way to conceive a healthy baby.

A woman should divide her diet into 6 meals, which means that she should eat 6 times a day, most of the menu should be vegetables and fruits. Do not forget that some fruits and berries, such as citrus fruits, strawberries, can cause allergies.

Conditions necessary for the onset of conception

It’s good if every woman watches her monthly cycle, knows the right days for conceiving a baby, that is, the ovulation phase.

Ovulation

What is the ovulation phase?

Firstly, vaginal discharge become transparent, viscous, more abundant. Sometimes you can see blood threads.

Secondly, when the follicles mature, slight pains appear in the lower abdomen.

Thirdly, a woman's sexual desire is exacerbated, as the body shows that it is ready for fertilization.

When does ovulation occur?

Most often on 12-14 days after the start of the menstrual cycle. Every woman needs to know that the most likely period for fertilization lasts only 6 days: 5 before the release of the egg and 1 after it.

This process occurs approximately in the middle of the cycle. It can be established by measuring the so-called basal temperature. After the release of the egg, the temperature rises by 0.2-0.4 degrees.

How to measure basal temperature?

The temperature should be measured at the same time by inserting a thermometer into the rectum by about 5 cm.

In the process of conducting measurements, the following conditions must be observed:

• it is necessary to measure the temperature in the morning, without even getting out of bed;
• keep the thermometer for 6-7 minutes;
• be sure to write down the testimony in a notebook.

If you keep a graph of changes in such a temperature, then you can calculate the most auspicious days for the onset of pregnancy.

Stop using contraceptives

If you are ready for the birth of a son or daughter, then you should stop using contraceptives. In some women, pregnancy may not occur within three to four months after giving up contraceptives, but this is considered a variant of the norm.

Moreover, after getting rid of intrauterine devices, it is necessary to refrain from planning pregnancy for 2-3 months in order to restore the uterus and fallopian tubes. This will help reduce the risk of miscarriage.

Stop searching for the perfect position during intercourse

Is it worth it to come up with special positions to quickly conceive a child? As practice shows, none of them work 100 percent. Just relax and enjoy.

Rest after intimacy

After intercourse, do not immediately run into the shower, that is, take a vertical position. Behave properly: lie still for thirty minutes. Many advise to raise your legs up. It won't do anything. Just lie still, then the sperm will definitely fall into the cervix.

Dosage of sexual intercourse

Proximity without a break during ovulation is harmful. Being too close can significantly reduce your chances of getting pregnant. Why? The thing is, the more a man makes ejaculations, the more every subsequent spermatozoa lose their rudimentary qualities.

For successful conception, it is enough to have sex once a day and no more than 3 times a week.

No stress

Keeping calm is one of the conditions for conceiving a healthy child. Stress imperceptibly, but surely kills a person. Therefore, in order to give birth to a healthy child, even the most minor stresses should be avoided.

How does a woman's body react to stress? Even the smallest stressful situation can prevent the follicle from releasing an egg for fertilization. And a man during stress will not be able to have sexual intercourse at all, which means that the couple will again wait for the next month.

Choosing the best time of day and season of the year

Time during the day can also have an impact on successful fertilization. It is believed that couples who indulge in lovemaking after dinner, at about 5:00 pm, are more likely to become pregnant, since during this period of the day the “tailed bait” is especially mobile.

For everything to work out, you need to choose the right season for conception. It is believed that the beginning of autumn is the time to think about offspring. The fact is that in winter with a short daylight hours, as well as in summer, in the hottest months, ovulation in some ladies simply may not occur.

What to do if you can't get pregnant quickly?

Do not panic!

If you can’t get pregnant the first time, this is not a reason to despair and think a lot about this problem. Thoughts about pregnancy become so intrusive that it turns into prolonged stress and becomes a real obstacle to achieving such a desired goal.

According to the observations of experts, pregnancy may not take place in healthy couples for several months and up to a year. And only after a year of attempts, potential parents begin to check for infertility.

Change position for intimacy

It is believed that the position of a woman "on top" can interfere with fertilization. You can try to change it to a more traditional "missionary" position.

Also, it should be remembered that it is very important for a future mother to experience an orgasm. During orgasm, the cervix contracts strongly, and the sperm is drawn into the uterus.

Go on vacation

What else can be done if conception succeeds the first time? The best option will: relax and relieve emotional stress, for example, go on vacation.

In addition to this, you can use recipes traditional medicine, for example, drink a boron uterus or sage (after consulting a doctor).

Minimize contact with household chemicals and reduce the dosage of medications

Take a course of folic acid and multivitamins

The importance of folic acid for the fetus

When planning a pregnancy, it is necessary to pay attention to the most important component - folic acid. It is enough to take up to 400 micrograms of folic acid per day to reduce the possibility of the appearance of offspring with spinal defects, defects in the nervous system.

Folic acid contains fresh herbs, vegetables, it is in nuts, seeds, bran. It can also be bought in a pharmacy in a synthesized form.

The influence of a number of vitamins on the conception and health of the future crumbs

In addition, vitamins C, E and iodine are extremely important for successful conception. Lack of iodine can affect the normal functioning of the thyroid gland. In women whose thyroid gland has a reduced function, the process of ovulation occurs extremely rarely.

In addition, iodine deficiency can adversely affect intellectual development baby. In order for the future little man to be born healthy, it is necessary to take multivitamins recommended by the doctor 2-3 months before planning pregnancy.

Many parents face the problem of adolescence or even already primary school children do not want to study, do homework, start skipping school. In desperation, parents may complain to teachers that they cannot cope with their child. You can think in advance about how to communicate with children to keep them interested in learning. In junior school age cognitive activity is very high. In order not to discourage the child from learning, you must first of all praise him, encourage him, show that you are proud of his success at school. Over time, school life can turn into a routine if children do not participate in competitions, olympiads, research projects. The child needs achievements. Some children begin to assert themselves in virtual reality, gaining points there and becoming "super heroes". Therefore, achievements must be in real life. The activities of the child from the moment of his birth, all his games, should be at his age and a little older. When a child copes with difficult tasks on his own or with the help of an adult, he begins to be proud of himself and his cognitive activity continues to develop. AT preschool age these are various games and activities for your age and older: for six months - a year. Regular activities with the child also instill in him the habit of learning. At school age, motivation for learning is supported by school success and the participation of the child in solving some difficult problems. It can be, as already written above, various competitions, olympiads, projects. Then learning becomes something much more diverse and becoming a winner in some competition, children feel their success and the desire to study even better in order to achieve more.

Another important factor motivating to study is the understanding of one's own goals, why study is needed. First, parents tell the child about this. For example, that after graduating from school, he will go to some institute, he will become a good specialist, will earn a lot of money, do what he loves and so on. The parent's own example is also very important. Over time, this idea becomes internal, that is, it is internalized, and to the question: “Why do you need to study?”. The child will be responsible in order to enter the university and master the profession. Children themselves can be motivated to learn when they visualize their goal as pictures, sounds, sensations. To help them with this, you can offer to draw your future, what they are striving for, as well as think about and write down the steps that you need to take to achieve your goal now.

In addition, children become more responsible when they are not given ready-made decisions about what they should do, but are asked questions. For example, if the child received bad grade, you can sympathize and ask him what he will do about it. When children themselves find answers to questions and make decisions, then at this moment, they begin to take responsibility for themselves and their actions. And vice versa, the more the adult presses and insists, the less baby is responsible for both his behavior and his studies. All responsibility lies with the parent.

What to do when the child has already stopped studying, started skipping school? First you need to understand the reasons together. If it doesn’t work out on your own, then a school or family psychologist will come to the rescue. Based on the reasons for this behavior, you can try to conclude a so-called "Behavioral Contract" with the child. A behavioral contract is a written agreement between an adult and a child that the child assumes certain obligations and, in fulfilling them, he receives a number of rewards from his parents. If the obligations are not fulfilled, then the rewards are gradually removed one by one, but the child cannot be left completely without attention and praise. The contract must also take into account and compensate for the causes of the child's misbehavior. For example, a girl does not like to do her homework at home and is constantly distracted by games with younger brother. She calculated with her mother how long her lessons would take if she stopped being distracted and started doing them on time. They wrote it down in their contract. Also, mother and daughter discussed for a long time what kind of encouragement the girl would like to receive. It turned out that on weekends she would like to go out with friends longer, receive cash rewards that she would spend on different materials for your creativity and so on. All incentives were spelled out in this contract. According to her daughter's assessments and teachers' reviews, her mother understood how well she did her homework. If the girl was lazy and did her homework poorly, then the rewards were gradually removed. Thus, devoting more time to lessons, the girl began to study well. She liked that everyone praised her. She began to feel more confident and her motivation to study became much higher.

Do you know that each parent, on average, makes more than 2,000 unquestioning demands on their children every day? What are unconditional requirements? These are requirements requiring immediate execution. They sound something like this:

“Get up. Time to go to school. Get dressed. Have breakfast. Take your dishes away. Brush your teeth. Comb your hair. Feed the dog. Finish breakfast. Don't forget to do your homework. Put away your shoes. Collect toys. Turn off the TV. Set the table. Do your homework. Bathe."

How can you not be "deaf" from the endless stream of instructive speeches?! Our demands can also be expressed in such a tone: “Do it now, otherwise it will be worse!”

Now imagine if your boss treated you the same way at work! It is not hard to guess that you would immediately start looking for a new job.

Instead of empty conversations and reminders, it’s better to take a friendly step forward. For example, give your child a comb or a toothbrush with toothpaste if he forgot to comb his hair or brush his teeth. Together with him, make a checklist of his duties and, if he cannot read yet, make it into a table with pictures that he can make himself. And then during the day you can always take a look at this list or table with him so that you don’t pester him with endless notations all day long.

One mother is tired of constantly reminding her children that it is their job to set the table for dinner. And she decided to influence them differently. That evening, having finished preparing dinner, she laid out all the food on the table, sat down and waited in silence. The children came in and asked: “What are we waiting for, Mom?” At that moment, it was much easier for my mother to speak in an instructive tone: “We would not have to wait if you would do in time what I have asked you to do a hundred times already!” Instead, my mother answered briefly and unobtrusively: "Cutlery and plates." The children rushed out of the room and came back, carrying the necessary cutlery and crockery, and the mother has had no problems in this regard since.

Avoid often demanding from children what they can do on their own. Instead of finding a reasonable explanation for your request, the child may misinterpret its meaning, namely: "I need to do only what I am asked to do." Repetitive day-to-day demands leave too few opportunities for independent action or action. If you nevertheless make some kind of requirement to the child, then make it easier, avoiding lectures and dissatisfaction with what he once did or did not do.

Your words should not be at odds with deeds

You need to make sure you do what you say. Retreating from your words, you will give your children a reason to think that their parents only talk in vain, and they themselves do nothing, and they will certainly take advantage of your inaction. The sooner you begin to act, the sooner your child realizes that he is overstepping his bounds.

Be clear about your child's behavior

When Tyler overworked, he became very irritable and nerdy. I knew that in this case it would be better for me not to call him to order and not to enter into a verbal skirmish, but to put him to bed unobtrusively and as early as possible. For some children, this behavior is associated with a feeling of hunger, so pay close attention to your child's behavior to know for sure if he is indulging or just experiencing physical discomfort.

What can't be taught

You can not teach independence, you can only provide opportunities for the child to show it. In other words, you cannot learn to swim by sitting on the shore. A child will never learn to get up on time in the morning if we wake him up day after day.

Make sure the children are fully capable of handling the responsibility you are about to place on them. Pay special attention to the fact that the assigned responsibility instills self-confidence in the child. For example, instead of saying, "It's time you learned to do your own laundry," say encouragingly, "I've noticed that you're pretty good at doing all the chores you're assigned on your own. I think that now you will be able to wash your own clothes.

Avoid labeling your child

“I am not what I think I am, I am not what others think I am, I am what I think I am based on what others think of me.” The author of this statement is unknown.

Some of the labels that others, and sometimes parents themselves, put on your child can stick to them forever:

"He's clueless."

"He's the best."

"He's a coward."

"She's brilliant."

"He comes from a broken family."

"He's behind in development."

"She's pretty".

Labels stuck to children drive them into a rigid framework, which is then extremely difficult to get out of. They distort their ideas about themselves and their potential abilities. Children become what they think they are based on what you think of them. Labels can be a convenient excuse for both your child and yourself. And sometimes your child will need to achieve more than what he is capable of, because his abilities and skills are already predetermined. Once at school I happened to work with a child who proudly declared: “I am the best!” He seemed to be telling me the following: “And then neither you nor I can do anything!”

Set boundaries with your children

We overstep the bounds of what is permitted, invading the privacy of our children, forcibly forcing the child to do what he does not want. We kiss him, we carry him in our arms, we tickle him, although, perhaps, all this is unpleasant for him, we force him to take medicine and food. All this is nothing more than an invasion of the privacy of a child. Entering a child's room without knocking is also one of the manifestations of disrespect for his right to privacy.

Often adults unwittingly violate the boundaries of what is permitted in relationships with children. My friend still remembers the episode when, as a child, she broke her leg, and doctors cut her trousers and tights with scissors. They did this without telling her what was going on and without asking permission to take off her clothes. To this day, she remembers how frightened and humiliated she felt in that situation.

My kids and I have developed the cues we use when they want to say enough is enough. As soon as they say, “Stop, please,” I immediately stop doing it.

In relations with children, we overstep the boundaries of what is permitted even when we invade the spiritual sphere of their lives, forcing them to say what they do not want, or, without asking their permission, we express such things in front of strangers that they once told us a secret.

Let your child make his own decisions

There is nothing easier for us than to make decisions for our children. We think that everyone knows better than they do, and we are sure that they are not capable of making responsible decisions on their own. Not true! When an employer is looking for a new manager or manager, one of the most important features right person is his ability to make independent decisions.

What a valuable gift we can give a child by giving him the opportunity to make decisions without our help! Here is an example.

An 18-year-old son asked his mother for permission to go to a friend's house at 9 pm. Mom barely restrained herself from saying: “No, you haven’t done your homework yet, and it’s too late.” Instead, she "bit her tongue" and said, "Think about how long it will take you to complete homework and how much to get enough sleep, and then - decide for yourself.

The son decided to visit a friend for fifteen minutes, then come home and do his homework.

Comparison breeds rivalry!

Comparisons breed rivalry among children and cause them unnecessary anxiety. Sometimes, as a result, they stop liking themselves. The feeling that they need to prove that they are not what someone else thinks they are, makes them give up their own interests, "adjust" themselves to a certain standard, to "correctness". Emphasize the personal achievements of children without comparison with the achievements of others

Teach your child to set his own goal and do everything in his power to achieve it. Ask him something like this: “Did you do everything that depended on you?”, And not like this: “Did you do it better than others?” When your child's accomplishments are not compared with those of someone else, he is much more willing to do whatever is required of him. It will also help save him from feeling disappointed if someone turns out to be better than him. And there will always be one. Let your child get satisfaction from what he does himself, and not from what he can excel at.

Find the slightest reason to encourage

Often, when we are angry or the child pisses us off, it is very difficult to pick up right word that can change the situation and inspire the child. Sometimes you have to literally "dig out" even the most "insignificant little".

Timely pointing out to the child that he is doing well is very effective method educational impact. If you look for only flaws in his actions, then he may lose all desire to do something, or he will take a defensive position.

Encourage, but be sincere

One mother, using encouragement, tried to get her son to stop wetting the bed. One day she told him: "What a fine fellow you are, in this place your bed remained completely dry." The boy took his mother's insincerity in his own way. He said, "I won't leave this place dry tonight!"

Make sure your promotion does not contain any element of factual manipulation. For example: “You are just a master of cleaning up, why don’t you finally tidy up your room?” Children are extremely susceptible to the hypocrisy of adults. Therefore, avoid expressions that sound false.

Pity is a bad helper

IF YOU feel sorry for the child, he will learn to solve his problems, causing your pity to himself. It's also a roundabout way to involve others in solving their own problems. This can lead your child to take advantage of their depressed state as an adult.

Stop taking away your child's independence!

Once I invited the eight-year-old son of a friend to the pool. The boy suffered from a chronic ear disease associated with a low resistance to infections, and he had to wear special earmuffs to protect himself while swimming. When we got to the pool, he asked me to put on his headphones, as his mother always did for him. In response, I smiled, gently put my hand on his shoulder and said: "I think that you yourself will figure out how to do it."

He looked at me in surprise, began to whimper and complain that he did not know how to do it. Instead of coming to his aid, I remained silent. Then he began to struggle to put on the headphones, dropping them on the floor and putting them to his ears. reverse side. Finally he managed to do it right, and a feeling of incredible pride showed on his face. Since then, he has always dealt with it on his own.

Spare your child the humiliation

At times, when parents feel that their efforts to subdue the child will not lead to anything, they resort to authoritarian methods of influence that diminish the child's self-esteem.

"IF YOU don't stop peeing in your pants, I'll make you wear diapers to school!"

“Why do you always leave behind a terrible mess? You're such a slob!"

“You never arrive on time. Now leave your friends and go home now!”

Child, we may get what we wanted from him, but this will only be a temporary phenomenon. Side effects humiliation - self-doubt, desire for revenge and distrust of us. They are especially strong when we humiliate children in front of their friends. Be careful about using words like "always" and "never". They are exaggerated and fundamentally spoil our relationship with children.

It's not that important to be like everyone else

Parents often ask, “If I don’t teach my child to stand up for his own interests, how will he be able to survive in this cruel world?” A child who has been taught to help others rather than compete with them is more likely to survive. He is less dependent on the internal need to always be better than others or to defeat rivals at any cost, and in addition, he tends to be more realistic in assessing his own abilities. In addition, he is practically not afraid of mistakes, is less prone to fears, and if something does not work out for him, then he endures his failures much easier.

Entertainment is a private matter for children

A statement like "I'm bored" means nothing more than, "I don't have any responsibility for making my life the way I want it to be. Let others take care of it." A child who grows up in the belief that he has the right to demand fun and entertainment from someone, becoming a teenager, often shows an addiction to such addictions as alcohol, drugs, or excessive watching TV. He already realized that he can entertain himself by applying a minimum of his own energy to this.

So if your child comes up to you and says, "I'm bored," resist the temptation to give him advice, such as, "Could you call your friend Susie or take up painting?" Instead, ask him in a friendly tone, "What are you going to do?" Let the initiative come from the child, and all responsibility falls on him.

Criticism Works Against You

Criticism makes a person defensive, looking for excuses and does not contribute to correcting mistakes made. When people are criticized, they become nervous and unyielding. And in a tense state, it is difficult to listen carefully and learn from your mistake a lesson for the future.

What can you learn from your child

Think about what you can learn from your child. When such a thought comes to your mind, be sure to share it with him. This will help create an atmosphere of mutual respect in the family. For example: “Jennifer, it's great that you know all the people on our street! We have been living here for three years, and I only know our neighbors, and one woman across the street. I would really like to learn how to be as sociable as you.

One mother said to her seven-year-old daughter, “Judy, you are so good at controlling yourself when you get mad at someone! You go to your room and after a few minutes you come out as if nothing had happened and enter into a conversation. I'd like to learn how to do that too." The daughter looked at her mother in surprise and said: “Okay, mom.”

Two weeks passed, and mother and father quarreled violently with each other. Mom rattled pots and pans and slammed the cupboard doors in the kitchen noisily.

Judy quietly approached her from behind, gently touched her leg and said: “When I get angry with someone, I go to my room and start thinking about something pleasant and fun. When all bad thoughts pass, I leave the room again.

Mom and Dad looked into each other's eyes, their anger subsided noticeably, and they smiled shyly. Needless to say, their quarrel ended there, and the next time, before getting angry, mother constantly remembered what her own daughter had taught her.

“I encouraged her, but she still didn’t do it right!”

IF YOU'RE JUST starting to encourage your child to do good deeds, don't expect success to come to you right away: "I encouraged her, but she still doesn't wipe her feet when she comes in from the street." You may not notice obvious changes in the child's behavior when you start to encourage him, but try to treat what is happening as if you were opening a financial account in the bank. You don't constantly worry about getting your money back immediately, but you know for sure that your investment will increase over time. We sometimes have no idea what a child can achieve if we treat him with respect, without judging him for his mistakes.