At 2.5 years of age, babies begin their "transitional age". Children deny the obvious, try to argue with adults. Favorite phrases of children at this time: "no", "I do not want", "I will not." "How to discern more serious problems behind the frequent tears of a baby, how to wean a child to be capricious, why does the baby whine, freak out and hysteria over trifles?" - these questions are of interest to young mothers more and more often.

At the age of 2-3 years, the baby begins the so-called "crisis of disobedience"

Stubborn age

A capricious child shows his first protests at the age of 2-3, this is an important emotional development... Psychologists call this time the "crisis of three years." Children 3-4 years old try to separate their own "I" from their mother. The speech of a three-year-old is not yet developed, so babies use other ways of showing emotions and stubbornness: screaming, tears, falling to the floor and damage to property. Tantrums are becoming more frequent. This is the best time to rebuild the system of relationships in the family and adjust the methods of upbringing.

Only by the age of 4 do children realize their independence, have favorite activities and food preferences. Toddlers are already quite independent individuals. Most of them visit Kindergarten and with the help of speech they formulate their desires. Children of this age are much less capricious. Outbursts of stubbornness are more like copying a model of behavior in the family. That is why you should not swear in front of babies and even more so include children in adult conflicts. A capricious four-year-old child should already alert parents, frequent tantrums are a reason to visit a neurologist and child psychologist.

At 4-5 years old, the whims of a child indicate a misunderstanding in the family, an inability to make compromises (we recommend reading :). Some 5-year-olds draw their parents' attention with tears because they don’t know any other way to communicate their experiences to adults.

Why does “I don’t want” appear?

The tantrums of a small child of a grandmother are best explained: “Why is your child being naughty again? Spoiled, so he turns you around now as he wants! ". Some parents really follow their child's lead in order to keep up with the modern rhythm of life: “Let's go as soon as possible, and then we'll buy you what you say” or “Wear whatever you want, just don't cry!”. In such situations, the baby quickly realizes that by hysteria and stubbornness, you can get the parents to fulfill their desires. To solve the problem of whims, it is important to understand them. true reason... Sometimes parents take for whims the child's reaction to exaggerated parental requirements... Often the baby really does not know how to fulfill this or that parent's requirement.

Most often, the child's spoiledness is the fault of the parents themselves, who follow his lead

Common reasons

Why are we so often faced with whims? There are several apparent reasons the occurrence of tantrums in children:

1. Testing parents for strength. The baby's first tantrums scare mom and dad. Repeating them over and over again, the baby, according to all the laws of psychology, checks the parents' reaction and determines the boundaries of what is permissible: how will mom react if you turn over a bowl of soup, what will happen if you bite dad in anger? Tantrums are a way to test the authority of elders and how serious the prohibitions of parents are.
2. Fear of innovation. Sensitive and emotional children need a special approach. Such children are afraid of everything new. A new dish, or "moving" to your bed, can be accompanied by tears and categorical denial. Capricious two year old child does not agree to go to a new site - promise that you will be next to him and play together in the sandbox. Feeling safe, the baby will definitely compromise.
3. The usual refusal. Occurs at an older age. For the first few years of life, parents are used to deciding absolutely everything for the baby: what to wear, what to eat, when to go to bed. At the age of four, a child can already determine whether he likes a particular outfit or dish, and what he does not like at all. If the opinion of the baby and the mother does not coincide, a protest may arise. Perhaps it's time to listen to the child on some issues?

The consequences of education

1. The result of overprotection. Some parents seek to protect their child from various life problems: mothers and grandmothers feed the child for a long time from a spoon, and for a walk they use only a stroller. Attempts to urge such a baby to independence are met with protest. In this case, the whims of a small child are associated with the fact that he does not understand why the mother does not fulfill her "direct duties" - she stopped feeding the little one and dressing him.
2. Trying to get attention. By the age of two, children already perfectly understand what needs to be done to attract parental attention. If adults every time feel sorry for the baby after hysterics, then soon stamping feet and screaming will become frequent guests in this house. A capricious two-year-old child understands perfectly well that with his behavior he instantly attracts the attention of adults.

For some kids, hysteria is the best way to draw attention to yourself.

How to deal with whims?

Defeating the whims of a small child can be difficult. This is especially evident when the mother is in a hurry, and the baby is still busy with something and is not going to go anywhere. The child, seeing irritation, will become even more stubborn. In most cases, the conflict ends in favor of adults, and the child, through tears and nerves, still gets together and follows his mother. If such situations are repeated, it is time to change the rules of communication in the family and teach the baby to express his emotions in a more effective and adult way - in words. The most important thing in overcoming whims is parental self-control. Do not raise your voice, it will only intensify the riot. Try not to be nervous so as not to show your son or daughter that you are helpless. If you want to calm down faster, consider how courageous and determined your little one has become. He defends his opinion and is already arguing with an adult.

A capricious child a year, one and a half, two and even three years old is a normal phenomenon, but if a five-year-old child throws tantrums, this is already a reason to visit a neuropathologist and child psychologist. The doctor will check the development of the baby and give recommendations on raising and interacting with him.

There are several rules to help you cope with this difficult transitional age. Here are some tips to help "reluctant" moms deal with outbursts of stubbornness:

• Check your requirements for the baby, perhaps some requests are really overstated. Maybe the kid is already able to decide which jacket to wear outside, or he really doesn't like tomato juice.
• It is necessary to develop a clear system of prohibitions. For the first time, 4-5 strict "no" is enough. For example, you cannot approach street dogs or a lighted stove, as well as other prohibitions in accordance with age. The rules are not violated under any pretext. All family members, including grandparents, must confirm these "no".

• It is difficult for a kid to follow parental instructions every day: so that the child does not rebel, offer him options: "What toy will we take for a walk, an elephant or a toy car?" Ask your kid for advice and he will gladly compromise.
• Develop independence in children. You should not do for the kid what he himself is able to do. Instead of dressing your child, instruct him to put on his trousers on his own. Better to go for a walk 15 minutes later, but let the baby get dressed himself.
• Don't react to your child's whims. The best way to overcome a tantrum is to ignore it. At home, you can leave the child in the room, and she herself can do other things. Without increased attention, the baby will calm down much faster. If hysterics caught you among people, you need to try to find a secluded place away from the annoying environment as quickly as possible, then switch the baby's attention to something more interesting.
• Analyze the situation. Each outburst of stubbornness is an unfulfilled need of the baby. In such young age children cannot want bad things. Maybe a capricious kid simply does not have enough attention or communication - adults should think about this.
• Praise your baby for the behavior you enjoy. Praise sincerely by describing the good things that the little one has done.

Evening whims

If the child is capricious and crying in the evening, or tantrums begin before going to bed, this indicates the emotional over-excitement of the baby. The emotions accumulated during the day do not allow you to quickly relax and fall asleep. This is especially true for. Often, evening tears occur in children who refuse to sleep during the day. To exclude evening whims, you can adhere to the following recommendations:

• Be sure to walk together during the day. Evening walks (1-1.5 hours before bedtime) have a beneficial effect on sleep.
• Ventilate the nursery before bed. The optimal air temperature in the nursery, according to Dr. Komarovsky, is 18-22 degrees.
• Three hours before bedtime, do not allow the child to play active games: hide and seek, catch-up. Don't watch cartoons at night.

It is better to devote time before bedtime to quiet activities - to put together a puzzle, read a book

• Good for evening use board games or reading books together. Calm play will help prevent the whims of a small child in the evening.
• If the baby does not have allergies, then before going to bed, you can take baths with the addition of herbal decoctions. It is good for evening baths to use decoctions of mint, string or chamomile.
• With the permission of the pediatrician, herbal teas can be given instead of regular drinks. Fennel, lemongrass or mint are brewed in evening tea. Ready-made fees can be purchased at the pharmacy. Soothing tea can be drunk no earlier than 2-3 hours before bedtime.

How to outwit the capricious?

Most parents try to wean their babies from being capricious. There are several ways to outwit and calm a little whim:

1. Talk to me, buddy! When all the arguments have been exhausted, and the child is still capricious, try to connect a figurehead. A kid's favorite toy is the best helper. Take a bunny or a bear in your hand, speak on his behalf: “Hello, baby! You are so sad! I'm sad too, let's go for a walk? " After a couple of sentences, the baby will begin to listen. This is the most easy way stop the whims of a two-year-old child.
2. Change the subject. If you feel that a protest is brewing and the baby desperately does not want to do something, there is no need to fight, it is better to just change the subject. Ask the kid with whom he played on the playground, about new friends, interesting Easter cakes, think about the dog. A couple of minutes of passionate conversation is enough to switch attention, and then again remember about water procedures.

The role of the mother's helper may be a toy that will dispel the capricious mood of the baby.

Alternative methods

When standard ways to calm your baby don't work, you can try something new. There are also alternative methods to prevent tantrums:

1. The opposite is true. The best way to treat a baby with something useful is to say that there is no way to eat it. For example, how to treat a child with a fish? Under any pretext, lure the child into the kitchen and pretend that you do not notice him, but at the same time you are eating something. When you see the baby, hide the plate. Such actions will surely interest the child and show an interest in food. If you want to take your child to the park - say that you can't go to the park today. This way you can prevent the whims of your child.
2. A holiday of disobedience. It’s hard to live under prohibitions all the time. Give your child some holidays from time to time. Tell your child one weekend that he can do anything today. On this day, agree with the child on the menu, time and place of the walk, if possible, give a small present. In the evening, talk to your baby heart to heart, ask if he liked today. Promise to arrange such holidays once a week, but on condition that the rest of the days the baby will obey (we recommend reading :). The whims of a small child will become more rare.
3. Fights with pillows. A capricious child cannot express negative emotions. If there is no way out of the situation, call the child "to fight" For this you will need 2 small pillows or Stuffed Toys... With the help of a five-minute "fight" the kid will throw out aggression, all grievances will be forgotten.

Following these rules and focusing on the mood of the baby, the mother will always be able to negotiate with a little whim. Coping with outbursts of stubbornness at the very beginning is much easier than calming a child after a tantrum.

It happens that your child whines and whines, and you feel how all your calmness dissolves and you can hardly restrain yourself not to say “Stop yelling! When will you shut up? "

Or maybe you are not holding back - you talk, and shout, and get annoyed! Each has its own margin of safety!

The whining of a child can be compared to the grinding of nails on glass (br-rr) or peeling foam. Ouch!

I don’t remember where I read that such sounds activate the genetic program of danger in us, and earlier it was with such sounds that monkeys warned each other about the approach of predators.

And now we live in apartments, cities - and the body still reacts unconsciously!

Why is the child whining? Top 3 Reasons for Whining Your Child

I'll start listing from least important to most relevant!

3. Wants to achieve something from you.

Children quickly understand our weak points, and if every time after the child whines, cries, he gets what he wants. your nerves are not enough to listen to this terrible sound, and you are ready to give up the last shirt to be silent - his behavior is fixed.

The child does not even need to learn to negotiate, look for and try new forms of communication. What for? After all, mom has a cool button that you can easily press with your whimpering and whining and what you want is in your hands.

Advice: correct yourself! Remove the button! No means no! Switch the child, distract, explain, but do not follow the lead!

2. Your child needs your attention.

Almost 80-90% of whims, hysterics, whining are solved by filling the child's vessel with love and your undivided attention. It was not for nothing that at first I compared whining to grinding on glass: this sound reaches its goal - my mother drew attention to me!

If you are rarely with your child, work, or the baby goes to kindergarten - he needs time to be nourished with your love. Little love - will pull it all possible ways... This does not mean that he is not well-mannered, bad. No! This means that we are performing our function as a mother poorly.

Advice: if you notice that the child began to whine often, drop everything and introduce 20-30 minutes of daily communication with the child. It is important to be with the baby all this time, to belong to him completely, to do what he wants, and not you.

Turn off your phone, internet, TV - hug your child and say: “I have 20 minutes. And I can be with you all this time. What do you want to do? "

1. The child is physically ill.

This group includes such reasons: wants to eat, drink. Tired. He wants to go to the toilet. Wants to sleep.

His body is tired, but while he is small, the child cannot distinguish from what the mood has deteriorated. He cannot tell you in plain text "feed, drink and put to sleep." Therefore, first of all, we analyze the day and look for the cause of the whining at the level of the body. These reasons are eliminated the fastest. The child will again be in a good mood.

Advice: work out a clear daily routine, in particular, you need to track the time of sleep and wakefulness.

After 2 years, we think that the child is already big and we begin to follow this area of ​​the child's life a little, let his life take its course and create difficulties for ourselves, expressed in a large number hysterics and whims.

See also about main reasons for whining in my little video tutorial:

How to wean a child from whining?

You may see advice to ignore the whining, or perhaps even punish the child - but I disagree with them!

We've sorted out the top 3 reasons for your child's whining, and every time you hear your child's plaintive whine, you should quickly go over these reasons and find the REASON!

Whining is a consequence of the inner need of the child or his poor physical condition. And until you eliminate the cause - screaming, scolding, punishing the child does not make sense.

By your such actions, you will only aggravate his well-being and worsen your relationship!

Lyudmila Sharova.

Child psychologist. Consultant for breastfeeding and children's sleep. Mom of three children.

The habit of children to whine and speak in a whiny tone does not appear out of the blue, but is the result of upbringing. Anna Stefanova, head of the Studio of Positive Psychology for Children and Adolescents, told us how to change relations with a child so that he does not grow up as a "whiner".

Have you noticed that when you are doing something personal for yourself (for example, talking on the phone), your children immediately start asking for sweets or come up with various minor requests? If you do not react at the same time, then whining begins, so to speak, an imitation of resentment. Most often, mothers, so that the children fall behind faster, satisfies their desires. Here is an example of a child testing boundaries. parental restriction, and I assure you that he knows all your weaknesses very well. If you ignore or indulge this behavior, it leads to relapse. And the child's goal in this case is to get what you want from you.

Thus, the fact of whining is most often a kind of manipulation, a test of us, adults, for endurance and perseverance in principles.

We can assume four reasons for the child's tearfulness, namely:

1. The kid found a way for himself to achieve his goal... We have already spoken about whining as manipulation above.

2. The child wants to be (stay) small... There is an assumption that this behavior is a continuation of infant crying, which suggests that the child needs something. Since babies cannot talk yet, crying is a way to attract attention to satisfy a need. This method can be used in subsequent life, for example, by girls with boys: "Well, how can you refuse this little girl?"

3. He gets attention... For a child, an indicator of parental attention is the manifestation of their emotions. Thus, “annoying” you with “whining”, he will receive at least some reaction, even if it is negative, for example, irritation: “Stop whining! What are you so little! ".

Getty Images / Fotobank

4. The child is afraid of punishment or criticism (defensive reaction) and is generally afraid... If parents are inconsistent in their words and actions, often do not keep promises, the child loses confidence in the future, hence the whiny voice, high notes are one of the signs of an insecure person. Even if the parents promise something, there remains fear and uncertainty about receiving the promised. Perhaps the child cannot tell you something, fearing that he will not be listened to, criticized or punished.

Whining is an acquired and fixed form of behavior, and it must be corrected by changing the strategy of education:

● Start by tracking down the circumstances under which a form of communication such as whining occurs. Hearing a whiny note in your voice, try to join in and understand what exactly your child wants: "Maybe you want to tell me something?" Listen to him and do not judge him.

● Try to communicate with your little ones as much as possible - tell, share, listen to them. Sit down to be on a par with the child, look into his eyes, take his hand and talk to the baby: "It seems to me that you are now speaking in such a tone, because ..." Further - your versions related specifically to your situation, because parents are like no one they know what is really going on: "You would like to ...", "You are afraid that you (me) ...", "You want attention from my side," etc.

● The most important thing is to be CONSISTENT in your actions and promises to your child. Understand the rule: "SAID - DID". For example, if you promised to play with your child, then do it at the specified time, if you promised to buy a toy in a week, buy it. This will give your child confidence and a sense of support from you. You will see how gradually this insecure tone (whining) will disappear from your life.

● There should be clear rules and agreements between you and your children. For example, in the case described at the beginning of the article, you can talk with your children about the fact that the call is very important to you, and ask them not to bother her with requests (except for very important ones - they are different in each family) in those moments when the mother communicates on phone. If this becomes the rule, then the nagging will stop.

For whatever reason the child resorts to this method of communication, you should never label the child as a "whiner" and the like. There is always a way to figure out what caused this behavior (reaction) and help your child.

Tatiana Koryakina

Question: Hello Anna Sergeevna! My daughter is 2 years old. She was always a fairly calm and obedient girl. I have someone to compare with (the eldest son is 19 years old). A week before two years old, the daughter began to be capricious, refuses to dress - to undress, to swim. To any request, he says - no, and I myself. I read that at 2 years of age children have a transition period. How long can it last? What methods are best to use to convince the baby. Of course, this behavior of a child causes excitement in me, but what if something got sick? Elena

Answer: your daughter has a crisis of the second year - this is a crisis of negativism. At this age, the child understands that not only the world affects her, but she can also influence the world. First of all - to relatives. Hence the search for ways to manipulate you: screams, whims, negativism, hysteria, stubbornness. you need to clearly set the frames. This is not possible. It is impossible always and with everyone. There should be few categorical NO, but they should be (no more than 20. you can't hit mom, you can't hit anyone in the face and head, you can't run out onto the road, we only walk down the street by the handle, you can't pick up and put any nasty stuff in your mouth on the street, do not touch the wires and climb into the socket, do not climb up on the window and hang down from the balcony, etc. In case of unimportant whims, try to switch your attention - to show the dog, the bird, start doing something interesting and offer to join. lack of attention up to leaving to another room. Encourage your reaction to correct behavior - praise, smile, rejoice, and ignore bad behavior - turn away, withdraw into yourself, stop playing with your daughter. Gradually she will understand from her experience what behavior causes your desire to communicate it is important for the child to always be in the center of attention, so she will begin to try to behave correctly. ui ". Do you want to swim? no need. I'm going to bathe your doll Masha. Come on, Masha, take off your clothes ... And start playing and bathing the doll. Not a single child has yet endured that his mother was engaged with someone, and not with her. Doesn't want to go home from a walk? Ask: can you get out of the sandbox yourself? show me !. And now let's play a game - who will run to that tree faster ... Oh, and over there the birds are pecking at something. Come on, let's see .... So gradually and without a scandal, you will bring the child home.

Question: Good afternoon, I would like to clarify the point of raising a capricious child. His son is 3.5 years old, he constantly whines when he is with people close to him (me or grandmother). For no reason or for a reason - the fact itself. How to behave in a situation when a child realizes that something cannot be done and still whines, demanding something from me. I was advised not to pay attention to his whims, I just think maybe this is not entirely correct, because if a child is crying, then he needs something ?! Tell me how to behave. Tatyana

Answer: Your child is constantly whining because he wants not only to be constantly in the center of your attention, but also to manipulate you. The child, of course, wants something. But at 3.5 years old, he should already understand 2 things: not everything that you want is achievable, there are “adult” ways to achieve what you want. Your child has found a way to manipulate you through whining. He knows that if he starts whining, you will do whatever he wants. Now imagine a whining first grader .... ten years old ... A pleasant sight? You were given good advice, if the nagging does not arise from fatigue or illness, then you do not need to react to it. At the age of 2.5-3 years, all children become capricious, since this is a period of an age crisis, when negativism and manipulation of adults are extremely pronounced. But by 3.5 years old, the child is already beginning to try to come to an agreement, to use the moments of persuasion. That is, the child learns in a different way, "in an adult way" to attract the attention of relatives. For example, you can come up and ask to play with you, just sit on the arms of your mother, bring a book to read, etc. If at 3.5, the child is still stuck on a period of whining-whining, then you are allowing him to treat you like that. And do not think that it will grow - it will change. What for? He found the perfect way to control mom and grandmother, so why learn to manage your emotions, learn to negotiate, find a compromise?
First, do not immediately react to whining on the principle of "anything, but do not cry." To begin with, tell him that you will only talk to him when he calms down and speaks to you normally, without howling. And for a while, deprive him of the public. Don't react to his whining. Let him understand that whining is impossible to achieve anything. When the child has calmed down at least a little, sit next to him and, looking into his eyes, say: "I understand, you really want this car (to ride down the hill, eat a roll before dinner, etc.), and you are very upset. But I cannot you buy it because I have no money. " And then, let it whine, do not whine, do not buy! Secondly, you should understand that you will not be able to satisfy all the whims and desires of your son, and he should make it clear now. If the child continues to manipulate you, then nothing good will come of it. After all, the child must learn the norms of behavior in society. Even if you manage to pass the kindergarten, the school is ahead. Don't think you can fix it a year before school. Everything has its own age range. The norms of behavior in society are comprehended by children under 5 years of age. And if 6 summer child continues to whine and whine constantly, this will be attributed to a delay in psycho-emotional development. So, behavior correction should be started now.

All mothers, without exception, are familiar with such a state of their own child, when he or she, regardless of gender, whines without stopping. Every parent would like to know how to wean a child from whining. I really want to avoid the irritation caused by unreasonable whining and all the extreme measures that follow this state. The child seems to be deliberately forcing his guardians to use radical measures in the form of a corner and deprivation of all kinds of pleasures. Measures taken in an inflated state help little and practically do not benefit at all.

Before punishing a child for frequent whining, it is necessary to determine the cause of the baby's anxiety.

The punishment is followed by new wave whining, accompanied by the now "legitimate" from the point of view of the child claims in terms of the fact that the parents, his poor, do not love at all and only punish, and for no reason at all. Chadushko happily forgets at that moment what caused the punishment or restriction on life's pleasures, and behaves like a man unjustly offended by the evil fate.

At such moments, the "aggressor" (and concurrently loving parent) begins to really feel like a monster incapable of objective judgments and high-quality upbringing. Anyone who is faced with the constant whining of children, the educator will say that this phenomenon does not give vitality and can exhaust you more than any physical work.

What factors can trigger chronic nagging?

A comparison and listing of the reasons most often used by children to “turn into a nightmare” the lives of adults nearby will help to determine the world of children's whims and understand the difference in the reasons for whining of a five-year-old and a two-year-old toddler. It is easy to identify these phenomena. Often, an aggravation in terms of senseless whining begins at the moment when grandparents come to visit. Why? The fact is that sometimes the reasons for whims are precisely the lack of communication and affection.

The child wants every family member to love and please the little egoist. And if this does not happen, immediately tears and tantrums

How to wean a child from crying for any reason, if parents, constantly busy with their work and chores, think that if the child is dressed, shod and fed, this is enough for the right educational process? An, no. The child also wants love. Moreover, not in a metered amount, but without an edge and measure to be kindly from all sides, crumpled loving hands to the state of the test, literally smothered by half with parental kisses.

And these are not fictions: after all, children feed on love, they need it for proper development and normal spiritual maturation. Have you noticed sometimes that the baby bypasses everyone at home and literally collects kisses?

Let's just say that a child must be 25 hours a day one hundred percent sure that not only mom and dad love him, it goes without saying, but the whole Universe too. Only then the fancy is enough, and the reasons for the roar remain a little less. A little about what, in addition to the lack of love, makes the baby or adolescent cry - these may be the following factors:

• painful condition;
• lack of attention;
• mood;
• inability to occupy oneself without the help of adults;
• longing for loved ones;
• spoiledness;
• a way to achieve your goal;
• desire to seem small;
• trait.

Even a little man can have Bad mood... Parents think that he deliberately tugs at their nerves. But maybe just come up with a kid interesting activity?

Hidden diseases

It so happens that a constantly aching baby, especially if he still does not know how to speak and cannot correctly answer your questions like "where is the wawa", you just need to examine. Take him to the doctor for a check-up.

It is possible that the child is simply in pain. Children, just like adults, are capable of getting sick, this is understandable to everyone, so you should not let everything go by itself, believing that the baby is just being naughty. It is better to exclude more serious reasons for a start and only then take up education.

Lack of attention

Often the concepts of an adult and a child about the "dosage" of love differ dramatically. If we, big people it seems that in terms of play and affection, our baby is completely satisfied, in fact this may not be the case at all. There is no need to indignantly say that there is not enough time for everything. Sometimes even half an hour a day allocated specifically to the interests of the child is enough to make him feel important and needed.

The child needs communication with parents and joint games. And you need to do not only what they think fit parents, but also important, in the opinion of the baby, affairs, for example, reading books or letting soap bubbles

We are talking here exactly about the game and communication eye to eye without any distractions such as the phone. In all honesty, we admit to ourselves honestly that sometimes most of the parents communicate more often with the computer screen than with their own children.

Our small (and not so) crumbs are also susceptible to weather factors, geomagnetic storms and other "natural evil". A child is no worse than an adult, the mood may deteriorate from boredom or a rudely spoken word. It is not necessary to assume that the baby does not understand anything, and you can say anything to him.

Paying attention to the child's mental attitude and choosing expressions in conversations with him, you can avoid many unpleasant antics on his part. Do not make him cry, humiliating him with rude expressions. In other words, respect your child and you will be respected.

Inability to organize your leisure time correctly

Many toddlers and even older children, for example, five years old, cannot use their free time correctly. Left alone with themselves, the children begin to get bored and then pester adults with the same question that sounds something like this:

- Mom, well, ma-a-m, what can I do? So until the mother, driven out of patience, shouts at the child or puts him in a corner. How to wean? There is, of course, an alternative solution - to play with the child and he will stop crying, but this is not always possible due to total employment.

Spoiledness

Sometimes the reason why a child starts crying is an ordinary lack of upbringing, it's easier to say spoiled. Overly pampered children have a trait in their character that does not allow him to calmly remain on the sidelines.

Such a baby needs to be constantly in the center, he needs the close attention of adults and round-the-clock participation and service to his little person. Here, parents should not complain, because such behavior of the child is a direct result of their connivance and permissiveness.

The kid tries to beg new toy through whining? Stop it right away. V younger age it's hard to resist tears in your eyes, but in the future, the ability to negotiate purchases will greatly save your budget and nerves

As a way to get things done

For example, 7, 8, 9-year-olds are quite capable of deliberately getting on the nerves of their parents, whining and howling:

- Nobody loves me poor and they don't buy me anything. Look, Tanya has a new phone, but I have none at all. If babies at 4-5-6 years old are only able to cry and beg for toys, then with age, the methods of exposure remain the same, but their needs increase.

Not only the years are growing. This is especially noticeable in terms of money spending. What to do? It is best to try to cope with the whining habit at a young age, this will help avoid financial ruin when the child grows up. Do not forget that soon more harmfulness will be added to a bad habit. adolescence and hypertrophied resentment. This produces a highly explosive mixture.

Desire to stay small longer

Unreasonable tears, as well as deliberately infantile behavior, are often manifested in those children in whose family younger brothers or sisters have appeared. Until that moment, everything was great, the parents were always happy to play, but here everything changes in an instant, and the baby increasingly hears phrases like “do it yourself”, “sit quietly”, “you are already big” and so on. What nerves can handle it? Naturally, he is trying with all his might to turn family life into a familiar course and to prove to everyone that he is still very small and also needs care and help.

What should parents do?

Excluded

1. Give in to lacrimal manipulations and follow the lead of a little crybaby. Children quickly learn that a desired goal can be achieved by crying and crying.
2. Ignore the tears. You cannot ignore the crying child, since the problem remains unresolved (see also:). Leaving your baby alone with tears will only make matters worse.
3. It is highly discouraged to shout, call names, use physical methods. "Shut up or I'll put you in a corner", "Stop yelling!", "Now you will be taken by an evil policeman." These phrases are often used by parents, but none of them helps to fix the problem. In this case, adults themselves begin to manipulate children, and very aggressively. As a result, the child only withdraws into himself, harbors resentment or is exposed to fear. And he can start crying even harder.
4. There is no need to suppress emotions by forbidding crying. Regular suppression of natural emotional manifestations leads to nervous disorders.

Scolding, punishing and blackmailing are the worst methods of "interacting" with a crybaby

How is it correct?

• It is important to learn how to calmly respond to crying. When an adult cry joins the tears of a child, a general hysterical drama results. Calmness and silence will help in case of pressure from the baby. He will understand that tears will not be able to achieve what he wants and will calm down.
• Adopting a sensitive and emotional baby. He is what he is. Do not focus on his tearfulness, try to praise for his kindness.
• Learn to switch the interest of the whiny child. If something offended him, upset or hurt him, then you need to try to distract him from the child's trouble. Find an interesting activity for him and the baby will forget about the cause of the disorder.
• When a child is ill, it is necessary to be close, to show by personal example compassion and support. In this way, we teach children appropriate behavior in difficult situation... Small children demand attention from adults to their troubles: "Have pity", "Stroke", "Sit close."
• If the child is capricious, demands the impossible, then you need to calmly and without aggression explain to him that crying will not help: "I understand you, but I cannot fulfill your demand." It is worth learning to recognize provocations and explain to the baby that crying only upsets, and does not help knock out what you want.
• At the end of the day, you can take stock and praise your child for a day without whims and crying. You can give your baby homemade medals and count how many you got. In this case, it is impossible to scold, we fix only positive results.
• In some cases, it is worth reconsidering your parenting views. Sometimes a child reacts to the adult world with tears, because he cannot express his emotions and feelings otherwise.

So, in order to learn how to cope with children's tantrums and crying, you need to get to know your child better, in some cases it is useful to change the parenting style.