To attach an orphan, to build a temple, - the people say. The first case of child custody mentioned in the annals dates back to 879. Pupils were taken under their wing by peasant, merchant, noble families. And today, many fellow citizens are ready to shelter a child left without parents.

But time has left its mark on the morals of children and adults. The modern orphan bears little resemblance to the pious little one of pre-revolutionary times. Yes, and adoptive parents are not always perfect. Therefore, the Russian Orthodox Church practices a balanced approach to this problem.

God allows you to choose

More than once on the forums of adoptive parents, I met the opinion that it is impossible to choose children as a commodity - according to certain parameters, hair and eye color, nationality, character and talents. Many emotionally declared that it is necessary to act according to the dictates of the heart, following the impulse. I saw the child and suddenly realized: this is mine! And then let no obstacles stop you. But who knows, what if this meeting is not from God, but from his eternal opponent? I know such a story.

In the neighboring village lived a priest with his mother. Both are in their thirties. Cute, educated, childless. The absence of children, apparently, weighed heavily on the mother, and she took under her care a girl from a dysfunctional family. The mother and father of this teenager, immigrants from Central Asia, constantly left for other regions, but hardly to earn money - rather, in search of easy money. A girl of thirteen years old was left alone, an orphan with living parents. Mother undertook to dress her up, feed her, welcome her.

It should be noted that many provincial girls by this age have time to try moonshine and visit the sennik with the boys. The “orphan” looked like a completely mature girl with magnificent forms, plump cherry lips and a lascivious look. But mother saw in her an abandoned child. The girl got used to the family of guardians and began to make eyes at the priest. It is unlikely that he even paid attention to her intrigues, and for a long time mother did not notice the awkward coquetry of rural Lolita. But she chatted with her friends about her hobby, gossip spread around the village and the couple was forced to drive the girl away from home. However, by that time her parents had returned from another voyage.

By the way, many in this region knew: a certain elder blessed the father and mother to live like brother and sister - without marital relations. Concerned "orphan" in the context of the situation was the devil's temptation, not God's gift.

In 2016 in Russian foster families brought up more than 148 thousand children. But according to statistics, more than 5,000 pupils annually return under state supervision.

There are reasons for this. Many orphanage children have experience of vagrancy, drug addiction, prostitution. They are incapable of affection because they grew up surrounded by strangers. By the way, attachment to the mother is formed before the age of six.

There is another aspect - the orphanages of large cities, where orphans, unlike the provinces, are better supplied, they teach pupils a consumer attitude to life. They are fed, dressed, rooms are cleaned after them, sponsors come to them with gifts. In the personal files of many children over ten years old lies their refusal to be adopted in all cities except Moscow. After watching TV, they are waiting for rich guardians!

What a disappointment awaits parents who find out that their new child steals at school, sets up a blood child against them, brings their grandmother to a heart attack.

As a result, the adoptive parents and adopted children part in resentment against each other, and revelations appear on the Internet on the topic: “The adopted child destroyed my family.”

To prevent this from happening, priests advise approaching adoption without exaltation, sensibly assessing your capabilities and the nature of the child. God has given man the opportunity to choose and discern so that we can have the best and not to the detriment of our souls.

Priests - for and against

His Holiness Patriarch Kirill in one of his sermons he says: “

It is important that our people gladly, with a special sense of gratitude to God, accept orphans into their families, giving them not only shelter and education, but also giving them their love.”

But the church does not have a single point of view on adoption - each priest has his own opinion, and each case is considered separately.

On the forums dedicated to the family, there are many complaints about cases when the confessor refused to bless for adoption. There are many explanations for this. Whoever, no matter how the priest, to whom the adoptive parents confess, knows their advantages and disadvantages. Perhaps the confessor saw selfish motives for adoption. In particular, pride is the desire to demonstrate to others one's humanism. Or an attempt with the help of a child to maintain a family hearth, which rarely succeeds. The priest knows how adequate and kind his parishioners are, or, on the contrary, aggressive and inconsistent.

Archimandrite John Krestyankin looked at adoption as a religious-philosophical problem, and in his letters to adoptive parents he argued as follows:

“Arguing with God is a dangerous business. In my spiritual practice, there are many examples when children who appeared in families contrary to the will of God became a scourge for their parents for the rest of their lives, even to premature death. Therefore, I would not advise you to take a child from an orphanage. You could only do this if you know the family from which you are taking the child.” “Here you are rightly complaining about yourself, seeing in your own child your sins, and mistakes, and your own inability to love your own son. And what about someone else's say? About someone else who will bring sins into your family, and what sins? - their parents and their kind.

Some other shepherds also mention the sins of the family. One could consider this mysticism, but if we understand the evil inclinations of the parents that the child inherited by the sins of the family, then everything is also true from a scientific point of view.

But in general, most priests have a positive attitude towards adoption and set an example for society by creating family shelters - at home or at the temple.

Priest from the Perm Territory Boris Kitsko for 16 years he gave shelter to 160 pupils in an orphanage at the Lazarevsky Monastery. The first nannies were parishioner grandmothers, then the nuns arrived.

Priest from Transbaikalia Alexander Tylkevich adopted 10 children.

Priest Nikolai Stremskoy adopted 70 children, now some have already grown up and created their families, study, work.

There are many such examples in Russia.

Fundamentals of Orthodox Pedagogy

The experience of Orthodox family shelters shows that their pedagogical approach is distinguished by common features:

• Care, but not indulging whims, but raising the responsibility of the household for each other. Usually the older children take care of the younger ones. Everyone learns to give in and share, to help.
• Work, usually on the family farm and home garden. Natural products replenish the family diet.
• Religiosity, not exhausting with fanaticism, but natural, reminiscent of the atmosphere in strong pre-revolutionary families.
• Leisure related to religion. Orthodox holidays that mark all together. Pilgrimage trips.
• No TV or control over the information that comes to children - first of all, this applies to films.
• Mode, which streamlines children's lives and teaches discipline. This is especially important for troubled teenagers.

Orthodox psychologist Ludmila Ermakova notes how important it is to regulate the life of an orphanage child and accustom him to order. In a government institution, he can watch TV instead of lessons or play in computer games- the teachers are glad that at least he is not a hooligan. But after graduating from a boarding school, a loose and unorganized young man will not be able to go anywhere, organize his life, it is not without reason that many immediately slide to the bottom.

Priest Alexander Zelenenko writes:

“Orthodox pedagogy is strong precisely because it has a goal stretching into eternity - salvation; builds its building on an unshakable foundation - the “Stone-Christ”, in whose person it has an immutable spiritual and moral ideal and undoubted truth, focuses on the unchanging authority of Holy Scripture and the teachings of the Church.

Secular parents may have the most bizarre notion of morality, up to sympathy for sexual minorities, but believers know what world civilization is based on. It brings law and order to life.

For 11 months of its existence, it has already prepared 30 graduate families. Ten of them were taken to raise children. In addition to the standard program developed by the city's Department of Family and Youth Policy, future adoptive parents can undergo catechesis at the school, talk with a priest, and also meet families who are already raising foster children. Upon completion of training, a state document is issued - since September, such a certificate of completion of special courses has become mandatory for potential adoptive parents.

What the Future Should Learn foster parents Bishop Panteleimon of Smolensk and Vyazemsky tells the portal how to cope with spiritual difficulties, the organizer and confessor of the school, chairman of the department for church charity and social service of the Russian Orthodox Church.

What is the main knowledge that potential adoptive parents need to acquire? And does the theoretical preparation for parenthood really help in practice?

Of course, it is necessary to acquaint the adoptive parents with the characteristics of children who, for some reason, find themselves outside the family. These features, as a rule, are common to all such children: a complex psyche, lack of bodily health, and often a developmental delay. The usual criteria of pedagogy do not apply to these children. Since the adults who live and work with the children in the orphanage change all the time, the child does not develop a stable attachment to them, and often he does not know how to love. Injured children easily switch from one to another, they do not have any stability in life ... In general, an adopted child is not a clean slate, different scribbles and even bad words have already been written in his soul.

In addition to psychology, adoptive parents must find out in detail the legal side of the issue in order to know both their rights and the rights of blood parents.

But in addition to special knowledge, the main thing that future parents should learn is the ability to love such children themselves. And for this you need a constant appeal to the Source of love - to God. Through prayer, the sacraments of the Church, reading the Scriptures, and keeping the commandments, the Lord gives us a feeling of true love. A person should have an understanding that raising a child is a feat, for which only the Lord gives strength. “Whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me” (Matthew 18:5).

Parents, fulfilling the words of Christ, should ask for help from Him Who commanded them to treat with compassion and sympathy for someone else's grief, especially since here we are dealing with a child's misfortune.

What motives most often make you think about adoption? How to understand whether a person is ready to take on the upbringing of an adopted child?

First of all, we work not with the desire of any person, but with the family. There is no goal to educate as many families as possible. We try to find an individual approach. It is important that the decision to adopt a child is considered.

There should be normal relations within the family - a conscious desire to have children for all its members. The consent of the husband, as well as blood children, if any, is required. We do not consider single women who want a child as candidates for foster parents. But, of course, each case is individual, so only the confessor of a particular family can give such advice: take a child or the family is not yet ready for this.

The courses of foster parents are just what is needed in order not to hide all the difficulties, but to tell them honestly about them - and the decision remains with the family. You need to be aware that if there is misunderstanding, jealousy in the family, then all these problems will increase many times over if a child from the orphanage appears, who, moreover, will immediately draw all attention to himself, because he does not know how to share his love and does not know how to live in family.

Sometimes you have to shoot pink glasses from parents who think that the child they adopt will now be grateful to them for the rest of their lives. A deliberate decision to adopt becomes when a person realizes that he is going to a feat for the sake of a child.

Most often, difficulties do not frighten those who have long time unable to have children of their own. The desire to be a parent is inherent in everyone's nature. Despite the fact that in our time people often do not even think about family and children until reaching a mature and very mature age, as a result, the majority still comes to such a decision. But there are other cases when people who are already raising several children understand how important it is for a child to live in a family and decide to take in another one - a foster one. It happens that someone else's grief just touches the depths of the soul.

When our natural child is born, we, fortunately, cannot choose what eye color, character, illnesses, etc. he will have - parents have to love him the way he is. But how to choose a child in an orphanage? And is it possible to make a choice?

I think that it is permissible to choose an adopted child: you need to see and understand whether you will love him, whether your heart will be disposed towards him. Of course, this choice of the heart needs to be checked by the mind. Soberly assess whether your family can afford to take a child if he is seriously ill, for example, or is already old enough and has managed to acquire some very bad habits - you won’t be able to radically change him. But the voice of the heart is still worth listening to - after all, the Lord Himself can indicate that this is your very child. Moreover, the child himself will like you.

In practice, it happens that it is not you who choose from a large number children, and consultants advise you yourself - not children are matched with parents, but parents are matched with children. It is worth listening to these recommendations.

Many parents complain that their own, blood children, even in early age, fails to bring into the Church. And what about the children from the orphanage? Are they capable, in your experience, of living in a churched family?

Knowing the experience of Orthodox orphanages, I can say that a very large percentage of their graduates then do not leave the Church. There are cases that some graduates become the wives of priests.

Without having the fear of God in oneself, one cannot teach it to one's child. Conversely, if the ordinances are of great importance to the parent, this example is passed on to the children. The most important thing is for us to constantly be with Christ, to be in search of the main gift, the main goal - the acquisition of the Holy Spirit.

And although we can and should force ourselves to love, fulfill the commandments, and even just get up early in the morning on a day off and go to church, then, of course, you cannot force a child. Here a creative approach is needed, because family traditions pious life not preserved. Every family needs to find their own way. Therefore, it is also important to communicate with other families, share experiences.

- Is there a continuation of the school of adoptive parents - a club for those who have already adopted?

To render real help, it is necessary to maintain relations with our foster families even after adoption. We already have such a club, and in the future our goal is to create an association of Orthodox parents that would help families raise children, including adopted ones. After all, the Church is a family, and all communities should ideally be like that. friendly families where they help each other, and in raising children too.

What today is perceived by many as a kind of exotic: adoption, and so on, is actually natural and normal, and you can learn this only by having a living example before your eyes.

Moreover, over time, we must come to the point where such family clubs unite into a parent association and become a real social force - they could express their opinion about various dangerous trends. In the end, due to the fact that the legislation in the field of social protection of children is changing, this association could participate in deciding whether to take a particular child from a particular family or not.

Still, despite all the differences and problems that adoptive parents face, the life of all families develops according to some general rules: there are fasts, holidays, common affairs. Parents should take care of the churching of the child from early childhood, and despite the fact that many of our adults still know little about church life themselves, they have to overcome many difficulties along the way. In this, families should support each other, help.

- Do people with such experience teach in the Orthodox school of adoptive parents?

Yes, the courses are taught by a priest and a novice of the Marfo-Mariinsky Convent - both of them grew up in families with many children. Or, for example, some classes are taught by a woman who worked as a director in an Orthodox orphanage for ten years, raised children deprived of their parents - one might say, she lived with them as one family.

But the main thing that I would like is that those who come to the school of foster parents firmly understand that we cannot do anything without God, and that they turn to Him more often. Raising other people's children, without exaggeration, is a feat, but it is important to remember that in the person of an adopted child you can serve Christ - the Son of God, Who gave His life for us and adopted all of us to God. This is the path where it will not be easy at all, but here the Lord Himself will help you. “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls,” says Christ, “for My yoke is easy, and My burden is light” (Matthew 11: 29-30).

reference

The Orthodox school for foster parents is one of the areas of work of the Center for Family Placement - a project of the Orthodox help service "Mercy".

We tried to take a blessing for adoption, the father said that it was not necessary (it depends on the father, most likely), and then I still received the blessing. Regarding baptism - we were not allowed to be godparents of our children. Regarding information about baptism, there is not always accurate information, and if you are not sure, tell the priest that he will serve a special service at baptism (even if the child was baptized, you can serve the service so that there are godparents from your family). And here's something else:

Priest Konstantin PARKHOMENKO, Cleric of the Holy Trinity Izmailovsky Cathedral, St. Petersburg

There should be nothing hidden in the family
I think that in a family in which everyone lives in love and mutual understanding, there should be no secrets, nothing unsaid, hidden. When a family lives in love and peace, then there are no secrets, "secrets" from parents from children (and vice versa). But this does not mean that parents are obliged to tell the kid everything to the end, if he is adopted, about how he got to them. This question cannot be mechanically summed up under the category: fair or dishonest. Let me explain what I mean. I believe that adoption is the act of accepting a child into a family. Everything. Now he is forever a son or daughter. Without any reservations whatsoever. And if his mother could not stand him, if he was taken not from the maternity hospital, but from the orphanage at the age of several months, what of that? He is a real son, a real daughter ... And parents should always talk about their adopted child, as about their real child. And rejoice if they are told by those who do not know their situations: what a wonderful baby you have, how similar he is to you. Then the child, if he knows from infancy that he is the son or daughter of his parents, will have no questions. And suspicion. He may ask: "Were you waiting for me?" The answer will be completely honest: "Yes, darling, we waited, prayed for the Lord to give us a baby. And now we have him."

To talk or not to talk about adoption?
Everything is very individual, but I will consider the two most common situations. If a child got into a family in infancy, does not know that he is adopted, but thinks that he is his own, he does not have such suspicions, then artificially arrange a situation of discussing the appearance of a child in the family, put the baby on the sofa and start telling him the "truth" - not worth it. If suddenly, at some point, the secret of adoption is revealed to the child, he comes up and asks his parents, then you need to take it easy, say: it makes no difference to us, we love you like our own son or daughter, that’s why we didn’t tell you . As a child, I had a period when I thought: am I the real son of my parents. Then I decided that my mom and dad love me - and the rest is not important to me.

If a child is adopted into a family at a conscious age, then parents should not mythologize the story of his origin: "We gave birth to you, then we lost you, and now you've returned..." Now that's a lie, it's superfluous. But there is no need to return to this issue if the child himself does not raise it. Just consider: "The Lord gave us a wonderful son (daughter). And we are grateful to Him for this." If a teenager begins to get into the details, during the brief period (which we all go through) of teenage rejection from parents, his story can be honestly and truthfully explained. Why did he end up in an orphanage? Maybe his parents died, or maybe his mother just drank and gave him away because she could not raise him. It seems to me that if all this explanation happens quietly, it will be calm and accepted.

If a teenager, when his parents do not allow him to turn on the music loudly after 11 pm and stay overnight with a friend (girlfriend), starts to quarrel, demanding the coordinates of his blood parents, believing that they love him and are not like adoptive ... then parents can gently (always without tantrums) say: "Son, when you grow up, if you want, you will find the people who gave birth to you. But now, while you live with us, this is not necessary in our family." The main thing is to explain to the child that parents are those who brought up, and did not give birth physically. And in general this is some strange word - parents. A word that emphasizes the function of procreation. Worse can only be the Soviet school-state: a parent. It is more correct to say: dad, mom (father, mother).

My mother told me that a girl who studied with her at school did not know that she was adopted. She lived and lived. But the parents of one of her classmates knew about it and told their son. And somehow the son, either in a quarrel, or vice versa, from the kindness of his soul, told everything to that girl. She ran to her parents. The parents deny everything. Then they confessed. Scandal! We found that boy, his parents. They quarreled with them so that the whole street fled. The next morning the whole school was discussing this incident. The girl tried to hang herself ... The list of absurdities arranged by these people can be continued. And everything could be much simpler: well, the daughter found out that she was adopted. Well, God be with it. To embrace. To hug you and say: “Do we love you less because of this? We, dear, forgot about it, we don’t think at all. You are our beloved, real, dear.” And don't come back to this issue. And there would be no shock for the girl. Priest Igor GOLUNOV, Cleric of the Church of the Konevskaya Icon of the Mother of God at the St. Petersburg Compound of the Konevsky Nativity of the Theotokos Monastery

Adoption is a kindred spirit
In the breviary there is a succession of sonship, that is, adoption. This prayer is performed when the child reaches the age of adolescence - seven years. Until the age of seven, a child does not go to confession, because it is believed that he cannot adequately answer for his actions. If, upon reaching the age of seven, the child wants to become the son or daughter of his adoptive parents, then he is brought to the Church, and this special rite is performed. The priest reads a prayer in which he asks the Lord to make this person become the father (mother) of the child, and the child become his son (daughter). That is, the priest asks the Lord to perform an invisibly, mysteriously birth not according to the flesh, but according to the soul: "You Himself unite this father and son with Your Holy Spirit, confirm them in Your love, bind them with Your blessing." In this sequence, the will of the future son or daughter is assumed. And such is the experience of the Church, which does not presuppose the existence of the secret of adoption in the family. The Church specifically says that the child should know what is happening to him. To consciously understand that these are now his parents, a spiritual adoption took place according to his desire, the desire of his adoptive parents and with God's help. It is important to consider adoption from the point of view of kindred spirits. Even the people say that it is not the father or mother who gave birth, but the one who raised. I can advise parents to pray, and the Lord Himself will tell their hearts when and how to tell the child, He handed them the child's soul, and only He alone knows what is best for her.

This is a punishment, in ancient times it was a shame for a woman. It turns out that a married couple must humbly bear their cross for the sins of their ancestors. How then to treat adopted children? Is this rebellion against God or mercy? Are the concepts of adoption and Orthodoxy compatible from the point of view of the Church?

Church: for or against adoption

The authorities at the official level have long legalized the practice of adopting orphans or those abandoned by their parents. The Church regards adoption as an act of mercy, and this is a charitable deed. For Christians, adoption and Orthodoxy are concepts that do not contradict one another.

Adoption of a child

According to the laws of the Church, a child left without parents, regardless of the reasons, can be adopted by a married couple or an individual, a man or a woman. Christianity practices the basis of adoption to consider the equal rights of both natural and adopted children. For the new family, they are no longer pupils, which they were in the orphanage, but native people.

On parenting:

If the adoptee was not baptized before adoption, then the Church recommends that he be baptized immediately after the paperwork is completed. The meaning of adopting an adopted little person in Christianity is the desire of parents to surround the adopted child with parental warmth, to become a completely native family, and not a replacement for a past life. In a Christian family, blood relationship for adopted babies loses its importance.

It is easy to love your own baby, but giving your heart is a deed pleasing to God. The Lord stands for the completeness of the family, adoption will give single parents special happiness.

The Patriarch himself called on people who have the opportunity to help orphans and the destitute to take on the upbringing of children abandoned by fate.

The Patriarch stressed that for Russia it is a great shame and sin:

• 4 million women who annually kill their children while still in the womb;
• 1 million orphans.

There was no such lawlessness of sin, for which the entire nation would have to pay, even after the war. People began to live better, but the world was not filled with mercy and kindness.

The Patriarch emphasized that abandoned children are the flesh of the flesh of the entire Russian people, and their care is under the protection of the Almighty.

It is possible that orphans bear the cross for the curse of their kind, but this burden can be shared with them by foster parents, just as Simon carried the cross of Christ. (Luke 23:26)

Orphanhood is a cross for children and foster parents, but it is a burden for Jesus, for Jesus, who said that by visiting the sick in hospitals, convicted in prisons, we serve Him (Matt. 25:35)

Many teenagers from orphanages who were not given the happiness of living in foster families, after graduation, end up in underworld. The Church warns that the entire nation will be responsible for the indifferent attitude towards abandoned children, which will feel the sad consequences of its selfishness in 25-30 years.

Advice! The Church advises to start a good deed with the advice of a spiritual mentor and the blessing of a priest.

How to choose a child for adoption

When choosing a future adopted son or daughter, future parents pay attention first of all to gender, then to appearance, and then they may ask about health, but few people care about heredity.

Adopted children

Those fathers and mothers are mistaken, who hope that, having taken the baby directly from the maternity hospital, they will raise him according to their life principles.

Psychologists, theologians, teachers who dealt with the issue of heredity have come to the conclusion that many children in orphanages have original sin, which is passed down from generation to generation.

Orphans from orphanages are different from ordinary children. Here it is not enough to show love and affection, in some cases, adoptive parents will have to face many problems:

• distorted psychophysical nature;
• unformed internal structure of the personality;
• violation of the rules of conduct.

An ordinary disease can be cured, but when the spiritual and spiritual nature is damaged, very often adults return the ward back. At the same time, a heart wound is inflicted on an orphan, failed parents, spiritual mentor, friends, acquaintances, teachers.

Hurry up slowly. It is not enough for these children to give only love, food and provision, they need to be understood, “to get into a child’s skin”, to win human trust, which money cannot buy, to tame and accustom gradually to the order of life reigning in a foster family.

Many spiritual mentors advise not to rush into adoption, but to temporarily arrange custody of the ward, placing him in government agency, whether it be a school or a boarding school, where a strict routine operates. Self-confidence in one's love and the desire to quickly find the joy of motherhood or fatherhood often leads to the collapse of a family that has not endured the burden of raising a difficult teenager.

Adoption of a child

Loving mentors, experienced teachers for a short time will be able to prepare a little person for life in a normal family. You can’t be misled that the adopted baby will grow up and thank his caregivers.

Growing up in an anti-social environment, children will miss their relatives. They will definitely find something positive in their former life and negative in the present family. You have to be ready for this.

Based on the experience gained, a Christian psychologist, a priest advises:

• do not take into a family where there are already children, an adopted child older than their own offspring, so that a child brought up in a different environment does not suppress everyone else;
• it is more difficult to adopt several children, experience shows that two are already a system that is foreign to your family, so the connection will be more difficult;
• it is recommended to adopt children from other regions so that relatives do not live with adoptive parents in the same locality;
• it is difficult to remake a small person, and, of course, anger and anger are bad helpers here, a tense emotional atmosphere is not conducive to mutual understanding, so you need to pray to the Archangel Gabrielto help make the right decision;
• listen to your heart, which little man touches your heart, that one is yours.

Prayer to Archangel Gabriel

Oh, holy great Archangel Gabriel, stand before the Throne of God and be illuminated with illumination from the Divine light, enlightened by the knowledge of incomprehensible secrets about His eternal wisdom! I pray with all my heart, guide me to repentance from evil deeds and to affirmation in my faith, strengthen and protect my soul from deceitful temptations, and implore our Creator for the remission of my sins. Oh, holy great Gabriel the Archangel! Do not despise me a sinner, praying for your help and intercession in this world and in the future, but my helper will always appear to me, may I unceasingly glorify the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, the power and your intercession forever and ever. Amen.

Jesus with children

Schools for foster parents

A married couple, to whom God did not give a blood child, knows nothing about the psychology, physical and moral development of a little person. Adoptive parents do not even suspect what problems of adaptation of kids, and especially teenagers in foster families, they may encounter on this difficult path.

Very often, when the pink smoke of expectations of happy fatherhood dissipates, adopted children are returned back. To prevent this from happening, the church and guardianship departments advise adoptive parents to be trained in schools, centers, and trainings for future parents.

During the course, students will be able to:

• assess how psychologically prepared they are for such a step;
• determine feelings;
• prepare mentally and practically;
• gain knowledge for the formation of a full-fledged family.

Specialized schools are open to both parents who already have adopted children and potential adoptive parents. In the classroom, you can get answers to questions and get advice from experienced lawyers, teachers, psychologists and doctors.

Important! The main task of schools for adoptive parents is to teach them to love with the love of Jesus Christ, the Source of Living Life.

True love can be acquired through the knowledge of the Bible and the Holy Scriptures, constant prayer and the Sacraments of the Church.

Adoption of a child. Priest Maxim Kaskun

(7 votes : 5.0 out of 5 )

In modern Russia, there is a huge number of abandoned children, and this problem takes on the character of a national disaster. This book is based on personal experience The author tells about the difficulties faced by the adoptive parent, about the problems of the family where there are adopted children, gives useful (or just comforting) advice to people who decide to take someone else's child into the family.

Nothing in this book is made up. Only the names have been changed.
God bless!

Instead of a preface

And what, you ask, is the difference? Orthodox adoption, non-Orthodox - the main thing is that the child gets into good family. Is not it? Of course it is, but…

…Those who have not encountered the problem do not realize its scale. Children of "petrified insensibility", useless, abandoned children, how many of them! When you hear from someone who decides to adopt that it is difficult to find a “good” child, that “evil” employees of orphanages hide such children (necessarily with the aim of selling them abroad!), I want to ask: “Why do you need a child, man? Do you need a dog or a guinea pig ... Pet store on the next street - good luck!” This is the law: if an adoptive parent in the ocean of inescapable children's misfortune is looking for "good" for himself, then he is looking exclusively for HIMSELF. He will choose according to the color of his eyes, consult with doctors, study (as far as possible!) Genetic lines - and after a while, disappointed, he will refuse him. Naturally, the biological parents and the same “evil” employees of orphanages who hid the terrible and incurable diseases of the child will be blamed for the failure; and a simple, but merciless thought will not even come to mind: “What if a blood child was born sick? Where to take it?!"

One actress (without names!) adopted a one-year-old boy, and at the age of nine she handed him over to a psychiatric hospital with the stigma of being socially dangerous. She herself painted this story in detail in the press, so delicacy and tact can be left.

The first thing that catches the eye of any reader of this "confession" is the leitmotif: "Oh, how I, poor, suffered!" The boy is just an excuse for tragic hand-wringing and noble anger: “I would have killed this drug addict, his biological mother, with my own hands!” Meanwhile, an unbiased pedagogical analysis of the situation is enough to understand: the unfortunate (most likely, long dead) "bio" (sorry, the internal jargon of the adoptive parents) has absolutely nothing to do with it.

From year to year, the actress betrayed the child, first making him a “curiosity” for the theater, and then (at the age of four!) Dragging him to psychiatrists to treat kleptomania and increased aggressiveness. From the hospital the boy returned each time more and more uncontrollable; well, at the age of nine - that's all ... The little man was handed over to a state institution for the manufacture of a vegetable from it.

Now imagine how the boy did not want to go to the hospital, how he clung to his mother, what did he think about her, who did not protect him from monsters, lying on a cold hospital bed? Returning home after the “treatment”, he took revenge on his mother, and tried to attract her attention to himself, and begged to show how much she loves him - in vain! Passed, and after that, in her own words, "went to work" and forgot.

Let's ask ourselves the question: what is more important - a child or a game (let's say, why not, even very talented!) on stage? The answer that we will receive will just show the difference between Orthodox and non-Orthodox adoption.

For a church-going person, there is no choice - a child, of course, and a career and so-called creativity are not that secondary, no - they are simply incomparable.

Any competent psychiatrist knows that twilight states in a child are not treated, they are stopped, and only situationally - with love and care. Any believer knows that for God there is nothing impossible, incurable - you just have to believe! It is also good to try a little (just a little, believe me!) to become worthy of the Miracle - the Lord will do the rest.

How the child came into the family, for a Christian, it does not matter: God gave, and that's it. Sick, unbalanced, even weak-minded - this could be born and blood, and what? Who to blame? Only himself, always himself - and this is another difference of the Orthodox adoptive parent. His feelings for the biological mother of the foster child have a shade of gratitude with some admixture of pity: she endured, gave birth, did not kill, but she could! And heredity... Well, it exists, you can't get away from it, but only ethics is not inherited. There are no genes for malice, meanness, betrayal. All this is ours and from us. We are to answer.

I don’t want to say at all that Orthodox adoptive parents are people who understand everything, benevolent, attach wings - and fly like angels. Nothing like that - people are people. There are also stupid, stupidly stubborn, irritable, selfish, conceited, and no less than those far from the Church. Only one thing distinguishes them - faith and the desire born of faith to change for the better.

…Where does Love come from, how is it retained, how does it grow? Yes, yes, it is taken from God, it is kept by Him, it grows by Him, we know, we know… But we do not get tired of reverently marveling at the Miracle.

... Two people live in the world - he and she. Fates are broken, life has managed to roll in the mud, and more than once firmly put your face on the asphalt. We met, fell in love... It's easy to write, but to understand? It was easy for Romeo and Juliet: both are young, beautiful, perfect for each other. And here? .. He has bad habits in abundance, she has a terrible temper.

But the Lord gave them Love as a lifeline, and they clung to it not for death, but for life. There is such an expression “the light of the eyes” - this is when two cannot be without each other for a minute, this is when they are constantly looking for their soul mate with their eyes, even knowing for sure that she is not around. They are the light of each other's eyes, but how difficult it was for them at first! You can endure the "tricks" of a loved one for a day, a week, a month ... But life is a little longer, isn't it?

God's Gift of Love turned out to be so strong that it gave rise to fear - not for oneself, but for each other: a loved one is dying, we must immediately save him! And so it happened that they brought each other to the Church and begged from the Lord - each other, not themselves. And the Lord blessed them with children and poverty. Before churching, the husband made good money, but his occupation was, to put it mildly, impious. He quit, they began to live on a penny, but they didn’t grumble ... well, they almost didn’t grumble.

I must say that the character of his wife was (and remains to this day!) Extremely absurd. She tyrannized her friends, subtly sawed her husband, bringing him to uncontrollable outbursts of anger, and when a family trouble happened, he hissed venomously: “Our father decides everything, we must obey him!” The husband lay down on the sofa facing the wall and covered his head with a pillow. In short, the wife was the image of a classic, refined shrew. A tiger cannot but eat meat, a vixen cannot but saw her husband... loving woman cannot but realize what he is doing, therefore all these scandals ended in tears and repentance.

Life gradually improved, prosperity appeared again, honest and lasting. And with it came the fear. Naturally, the wife decided to take someone else's child into the house, to protect them from sleepy well-being. The husband grumbled and grumbled, but agreed: he knew that the garden of Love, which they grow, requires care, watering and new plantings.

How did she choose the child? But no way! I accidentally saw a photo of a scary girl with a puffy face and decided to take it. went to Orphanage and shocked the entire staff. They are used to choosing children for a long time, waiting for their “heart to skip a beat”, and then “march-march, drive on the right in threes, sabers unsheathed !!!” Well, not exactly, of course, only the decision to take the child, and in the near future, the woman announced immediately, from the threshold. The head doctor of the institution decided that in front of her, to put it mildly, not quite an adequate person, and began to dissuade her in every possible way. She showed a medical card, argued that the girl had an almost inevitable mental retardation ahead - everything was useless! The girl was taken from the battle, and now she is a real beauty, a family favorite, a cheerful hooligan and a smart girl. With her face, as it always happens with adoptions “for love”, every day she becomes more and more like three brothers and mom and dad.

…Time passed. The wife “accidentally” found out about the boy abandoned in the maternity hospital and resolutely declared to her husband that everything would be as he said, and she would not get out of his will. The husband turned a little pale, but he decided (of course!) Correctly, "as they taught." And then he looked at the photo and allowed himself a little hysteria. No profile, slit eyes, black hairs - the boy was the purest, without the slightest impurity of the Kirghiz.

(For those who decide to adopt: in Moscow there are now a lot of abandoned children from Central Asia, quite healthy and beautiful. Take it! Hang such a Genghis Khan a cross around the neck, and he will be Russian, and he will be Orthodox, and he will be yours. he will bring you grandchildren!

The hysteria has passed, and the boy is now baptized, lives in a family - strong, beautiful, very strong ... Do you understand? There are more of us!

I would very much like to write that a woman has become softer in disposition, more friendly with her husband, but that would not be true. What has changed? Much. The amount of Love has increased, the level of Happiness has increased. However, that's all they had. And one more thing... One very smart priest said: "When the Lord sends other people's children into the family, eternal questions about the meaning of life begin to be perceived as idle, far-fetched."

The faith that lives in these people allowed them to hear the Order and gave them the unspeakable happiness to fulfill it. How does it sound, this Order? Differently. Sometimes it's just a fleeting thought: "Why not?.." Sometimes it's a specific child who appeared on the way, along with the realization of one's responsibility for him before God. And, as soon as a thought flashed, as soon as the Order was heard, know: you can’t retreat - longing will suffocate. It's hard to go against the grain...

1. How it happens

All relatives and friends unanimously said that my wife and I were crazy, and there was nothing to answer. Of course, crazy, and at the same time and incurably. They raised two of their own, blood children, but worries in connection with this did not diminish: whom to teach, whom to treat, and prosperity was far from excessive. Under such circumstances, taking strangers into the family is madness.

... A few years before the beginning of these events, the Miracle of Churching happened to our family - through children. We considered ourselves believers before: sometimes we went to church, sometimes we took communion; they ran to light a candle, pushing aside the worshipers, like other "fire-worshippers".

And then fear for children came: the horror of modern life, children's alcoholism and drug addiction, a massive attack on fragile minds by politically correct "general people" with a non-traditional orientation - how to protect a child?

The church is a place where "sheep" from "wolves" is protected by an insurmountable fence - that's what we thought then. Sunday School, pilgrimage trips, participation in the life of the parish led to the fact that not only children, but also ourselves were inside the fence. And the great Meeting took place... The feeling was as if the noose had been removed from the throat, it became possible to breathe. And then... Then the understanding of the family as a small Church came, our love for each other was filled with true meaning. The main property of living Love has also been revealed - to continuously grow, striving in its expansion to embrace the largest number of people.

... A relative called his wife and told the terrible story of a dying girl. A family where the father and mother constantly drink, recklessly beating their little daughter; vile details of the life of the boarding school, where the child is handed over from time to time - terrible pictures grew like a snowball, causing a healthy desire to immediately go and tear off the heads of all the scoundrels. The fact that this girl was our relative, albeit a very distant one, only inflamed righteous anger. Everything! We were poisoned.

For several days there was a discussion in the family, in which the children took the most active part. And the decision was unanimous: all enemies - on the horns, and we take the girl to ourselves.

It was a wonderful, happy evening! Everyone unanimously chose a place in the house where she (so they said - “she”, without naming a name) would sleep; we dreamed of how we would take her to the dacha - to solder her with fresh milk and bathe in the river. They even arranged a family holiday on this occasion ... And then they called the woman from whom they learned about the girl.

The woman was furious, she screamed, cursed; she was the first to tell the news, which “independent sources” will later confirm to us more than once: we are crazy! The conversation became counterproductive, and my wife and I ended it, deciding to bypass the original source in a roundabout way, especially since it was not at all difficult.

But intelligence showed that there was no real girl. Elderly woman I just came up with, out of boredom, a little episode in the style of my favorite Brazilian TV series. And the place in the soul, already occupied by an unfamiliar daughter, fell ill with emptiness. After the second child, the wife could no longer give birth, and she always wanted a lot of children, and she got bored. Our eldest clever daughter thought and thought and was the first to say the cherished: “Why should we? ..”

“Really, why don’t we…?” - my wife and I thought and went to our confessor to take a blessing.

2. First steps

The very first step is the bodies of guardianship and guardianship, for simplicity, hereinafter referred to as simply guardianship. Looking ahead, I will say: guardianships are different. My wife and I had the opportunity to meet wonderful, wonderful workers who need only one kind of help - not to interfere with bossy stupidities. Then there will be others, completely different, but our very first guardianship turned out to be one of the best. Without further ado, we were put on the first step, which is called "collection of documents."

Oh, sheet-sized certificates, sealed from top to bottom with seals! Oh, bureaucratic stupidity and indifference! How we cursed you, not understanding the simple truth: real childbirth should be difficult.

The worst thing that can happen to an adoptive parent (I will not consider the rarest cases of fanaticism: they are mostly the product of a commissioned and well-paid imagination of media workers preparing to promote juvenile justice) is the return of a child; therefore, the more obstacles, the better the seriousness of intentions is checked.

Returning a taken child is worse than a simple betrayal, it is an approximation to the Judas sin, and it is terrible for me to imagine the soul of a person who has committed such a thing. Collect children's things in a bag, dress your baby for the last time, as if for a walk, and take them away - forever! How can you live after that? If a person who has decided on adoption reads these lines, let him think once again: he will take a child who has already been betrayed once, and this vile fact is forever imprinted in the soul of a little person. No matter how much love you give to a child, you can only make amends for the harm done to him, only God can heal him ... Think about the pain that the kid who was betrayed TWICE bears in himself. And still they are waiting - waiting for their "only mother in the world"!

When visiting orphanages, one must be extremely careful: ALL pupils look at you as a possible father or mother, and no matter how much you want to stroke the child's head, don't do it, hold on! A simple and natural gesture can lead to the fact that the child will cry all night, and then look at the entrance for a week. An orphanage can be the best, ideal - the reaction is always the same. “And the best of snakes is still a snake!”

In custody, they explained to us that after collecting the documents, we would be sent to a certain data bank, where we would choose our daughter or son; when we stop at a suitable “option”, we will receive a viewing order (!) And we will go to get acquainted. We pondered this prospect for a while, and were silently horrified. They thought thoroughly, clearly imagined the picture and came to utter horror, bordering on panic. How can you choose how?! At night I had a nightmare: a store with long rows of shelves, where children, from one to five years old, were sitting in cells. I wandered along these rows and chose, kissing curly heads; the cart in front of me was almost full...

My wife and I decided to pray for deliverance from choice. It so happened (accidentally, only the life of a Christian is always full of such accidents) that Blessed Matrona Anemnyasevskaya has always been especially revered in our family. At first, she was glorified only in Ryazan, and now throughout Russia, almost simultaneously with the Matrona of Moscow; sometimes they are even confused. Matrona Anemnyasevskaya (locally called her "Matryoshenka") was hated by her family and severely crippled in her childhood by her own mother. She lost her sight, her ability to move, she stopped growing. But instead of the lost health, the Lord rewarded her with such spiritual power, which is immutably manifested even now. It is enough in a dashing moment to call with all my heart: “Matryo-shenka, help!” and help is on the way! Matryoshenka is especially prayed for the gift of children.

... On September 21, on the Nativity of the Virgin, a friend from a small town on the Oka called his wife. I heard only one side, but the content of the conversation was clear, and my heart pounded against the ribs ...

3. Senya

In Moscow, greens can be bought all year round, and the price practically does not depend on the season. Have you ever wondered how it will change if you bring dill not from the far south, but, say, from near Kolomna? The difference will be huge, the profit is so fabulous that you can make a fortune very quickly. It is only necessary to work on reducing the cost of cultivation, to think, to invent something non-trivial. The quirky intellect of modern entrepreneurs invented, of course. Only the invention turned out to be very ancient; with it, you can grow not only dill in the Moscow region, but also the pyramids in Egypt. Its name is slavery.

Greenhouses covered with transparent film can be seen on rented fields from early spring to autumn. They grow dill, parsley, radish - right to your table. And people live in them. Without documents, different nationalities, ages, men and women are slaves. Hard work from dawn to dusk, payment depends entirely on the will of the owner. Maybe not pay. Can sell a slave to a neighbor. Maybe everything. At the end of the season, the owner will return the documents (or not), pay (or not pay), and until the next season. Some are returning home, some are looking for other earnings, and some ... What outlet can a slave have in his hopeless life, what do you think? That's right: vodka, drugs (the owner usually comes from Central Asia, he always has it). And also something from which children are born in cabbage - or in dill. Some stay, and - “Please, the porridge was stolen, they themselves are not local, we live at the station ...” What, you don’t want greenery anymore, have I ruined your appetite? Nothing can be done - all this is next to us, you just need to open your eyes and see ...

Senechka, most likely, was conceived under the film of a greenhouse. The one who carried him and gave birth, at first wanted to take the child to the hospital. But on what legal basis to take it? They refused, quite legally, and then she threw the baby into the entrance of a residential building - a bundle with a three-month-old child lay on the steps in early November, when the weather was not the warmest. The residents of the house turned to the police, they took the boy away, and they drew up an act of throwing him up. medical examination showed that he was in good condition, with one exception: antibodies were found in the blood, inherited from an HIV-infected mother.

This unfortunate woman (God help her!) was found and tried. Moreover, she behaved quite correctly, in the interests of the child - she stubbornly and completely refused everything. As a result, the infant's status was determined to be "foundling"; his last name, first name and patronymic were written down “from the ceiling”. (Curiously, his middle name was the same as my first name. Coincidence?)

The boy was admitted to the local infectious diseases hospital (God bless its staff!). Better attitude to children than in this hospital, we have not seen anywhere else. A real pilgrimage began to the child - they carried diapers, toys, clothes, money ...

When Sena turned one year old, the hospital staff dropped him a gift - the best children's bike that could be bought! (It's sad to say what a pitiful pittance people were paid in this hospital.)

Then we found out that we had violated all possible rules, and if the boy had been in the orphanage, we simply would not have been allowed to see him. And so, without any hesitation, we bought toys, children's clothes - and we were on our way! Coincidences, accidents ... Everyone loved Senechka, but there was a believing nurse in the hospital who prayed for the gift of a family to him - she met us, and immediately realized that we were “the very ones”. And so they brought him to us ... A little boy in a red overalls, so small that his heart stopped. Looking at him, I could not believe that he could walk - such people should lie in a stroller and suck on a pacifier!

He is afraid of men, the nurse warned.

But it was simply impossible to resist trying to grab this creature. There was no weight. It was not at all - it felt like I was holding an empty overalls in my hands. Black eyes cautiously looked straight into the face, and then he began to smile ... That's it! My son was sitting in my arms, who perfectly realized that it was his father who was holding him: when he was again on the floor, he immediately took possession of my finger.

... If you decide to adopt, remember: not a single action can be taken without informing the guardian, otherwise you will set up good people; who went to meet you. We broke the order a lot, but then we corrected ourselves: we showed up in the local guardianship, wrote and filed an application with the court, left a pack of our blood soaked in it collected documents. From that moment on, we became “candidates” and received the right to visit Senya and walk with him legally.

He took us through the autumn squares, showed us the biggest trucks, threw cones and shouted the only word he knew: "Bang!" Tiny, but incredibly agile, he easily walked on a log, kept his balance, and it was impossible to believe that he had just learned to walk ... In those days, we prayed almost continuously, fear was our most important emotion: ia suddenly they won’t give it to us? !

(Later it turned out that we were afraid in vain: even Senya’s photographs were not placed in the database of children intended for adoption. Why? With such “luggage” he had no chance. Stories about “kind” foreigners who take all the children in a row , to put it mildly, are greatly exaggerated. They choose, and how! However, there are exceptions - and all of them are shown on television.)

And if the terrible diagnosis is confirmed? We read about AIDS, accustomed ourselves to the idea that our son would be in a special position all his life, and again prayed: "Take me away, Lord!" The court decided the case in our favor, and in the interests of the child, it ruled: “For immediate execution,” and the three of us were already driving home. The whole hospital saw off, the nurses cried, the head physician sternly warned:

His box will be free for now. If you get sick, bring it, we'll treat it.

His boxing ... Crib, tiled walls, toys - the first home of a little man! We were afraid how the adaptation would go, but on the second day we forgot what this word means, and a week later I began to seriously remember how Senya took his first steps. The thought that I just can't remember it was amazing! Only one thing reminded us that Senya was not born with us - he was terribly afraid of strangers. When they came with him to the clinic, church, guardianship, he could only be nearby or sit on his hands, like a little monkey, tightly clutching his neck. This boy took his place in the family once and for all, and if you try to formulate it in one phrase, it will turn out something like this: “I love you all very, very, very much, and just dare not adore me!” It was simply impossible to scold someone in his presence: chivalrously fair and fearless, Senya would definitely intervene. Having accurately identified the offended side, he climbed into her (to the offended side) on his hands and tried to console, and incoherent, but very expressive angry cries rushed to the offender.

At Christmas I stood in the temple. Senechka, as always, hung around my neck in a weightless bundle. Sometimes he slept, sometimes he grabbed the nose of nearby parishioners. And then ... A barely audible whisper, and a small hand stroking my face: “Dad ...”

Envy!

Soon another event happened: the results of the latest tests came, and it turned out that our son was healthy! No AIDS!!!

The boy, whom we learned about on the Nativity of the Virgin, was born on the day of the healer Panteleimon, received my name in the form of a patronymic. Coincidences? Maybe…

And everything was wonderful ... Only my heart sank with pain when I played Sena children's songs or, dressing him in soft pajamas, rocked him in my arms before going to bed. I recalled how in an old cartoon a mammoth sang, looking for a mother: “After all, it doesn’t happen in the world that children are lost!” It happens! Children are lost, abandoned, maimed, killed - the same as our Senechka, no worse! The place where the ocean of inescapable childhood pain is poured, we first called the indefinite: "There." For example: "It's terrible to imagine that he could stay there." Or: “How many of them are there!” Then other terms came: "Through the Looking Glass", "Parallel World".

4. Luntik, or Great Consolation

Senya was growing by leaps and bounds, in development he was significantly ahead of his peers. His home nickname Lightning Man, or simply Lightning, perfectly reflected his essence. Mothers in the park gasped in amazement as a two-wheeled scooter driven by a microscopic, dashing two-year-old raced past their chubby children. During homework, Senya always tried to help: drag books to new shelves, hold the board while cutting, give the right tool - all this he did (and does!) Not on a par with adults, but much better. His unique words, well-aimed and biting, were replicated in the family.

- Senya, jump more quietly - you will break your nose!

Senya examines his nose with his fingers and resolutely says:
- I won't break it. He is soft to me. Or:
- What are you jumping like a squirrel?
- A squirrel is a girl, and I am a squirrel!

There was another rubbish on TV, and the sad character sighed unnaturally:
- I'm lonely, there's no one to talk to... Senya:
- Take your son Lightning and talk to him!

I arrive at the dacha late at night, I go to look at the sleeping Senya. He wakes up, sees me and blurts out the most important thing that he saved:

Dad! We have a snake in our garden. Here it is!

Senino's face shrinks for a second into a "terrible" snake mask, then he leans back on the pillow and promptly falls asleep. It is done!

Well, how not to spoil such a boy? Do we think?! Senya, of course, was the object of universal adoration, and this could not end in anything good. The wife put it best:

Let's grow a monster!

And then the order came again. It was like this...

From the town where the Lord gave us Senya, news came about his older brother and sister, who had been thrown into the basement by their mother. We understood right away that this is an Order, but the path to its execution is not always direct. It turned out that the status of these children did not allow them to be adopted: the Small But Proud Republic, where their mother was from, declared its rights. They explained to us that this case is completely hopeless: the pride of the Little Republics does not allow leaving children in other people's parallel worlds - it is customary to destroy them in domestic ones. And we have already heard the Order, we have embarked on the path!

We went to a familiar town, to a familiar hospital where such wonderful children are born, and saw a girl. They began to visit her, prepare documents, but she was intercepted. A woman with documents already prepared flew in like a whirlwind and carried away an incomparable beauty, who never became our daughter. My wife and I sat down in the evening in the kitchen, began to think: is it like grief or joy? We came to the conclusion that it was a joy: we would still take the child, so that the enemy would lose two. Only you have to go through what you so wanted to avoid - through the data bank.

... An ordinary government institution, an office as an office. Fill out the questionnaires, and you are seated in front of a computer:

What age are you?

We call it uncertainly, with a range of six months. By

According to rumors, there are not so many small ones, so we don’t expect anything especially. And suddenly - one hundred and forty-nine names! Only in one region! How many are there in the country? Names, faces in the photographs went before my eyes ... And then the bank employee turned off the computer - she noticed that my wife and I were not feeling well.

Here's a girl for you. She has already been rejected twice, but she is very good!

And held out a sheet of the warrant. We quickly grabbed him, somehow thanked him good woman and run from this terrible place.

Manya, Manechka ... As a patronymic, of course, my name - we somehow stopped being surprised at such things, we got used to it ...

We are experienced, we know where to go locally. To guardianship! The head of guardianship received us in the corridor (there was a renovation in the office), and my wife began to explain to her the essence of our case:

We want to adopt a girl. Here is the warrant, and here is our package of documents, we have everything collected. Now we will write a statement of claim to the court, and we must definitely attribute it to immediate execution, and not wait ten days. Why is she in the hospital? Then…
- And how did they let you into the hospital without my permission? - the boss began to boil.
- But we were not in the hospital, we immediately to you.
"So you haven't seen the baby?"
- Not.

Judging by the expression on the boss's face, she really wanted to check the authenticity of the psychiatrist's seals on our certificates.

Will not work. First you need to look: what if she is not yours? Anything happens...

The wife, slightly annoyed at the dullness of her interlocutor, began to explain:

The court is scheduled within twenty-one days after the filing of the statement of claim, and the girl will be in the hospital all this time. Let's submit an application and go to the girl - no time will be lost.

No, I can’t now, I just need to go to this hospital. Are you in a car, can you give me a lift? And then we'll come back here and write a statement.

Then we thought that we were facing another bureaucrat, but we obeyed. We did not yet know that we have a real angel in the flesh! We have seen employees of various guardianships, various children's institutions, but we have not seen such sensitivity and kindness, combined with the highest professionalism, in anyone. When Lyudmila Nikolaevna was convinced of our sanity, she, as Kind fairy from a fairy tale, removed all obstacles. She (!) wrote all the necessary papers, went to court with us, and achieved the maximum possible reduction in the procedure under the law. We did not meet such an attitude before, and did not meet later. We did not have time to look back, as the cherished one already sounded: "In the name of the Russian Federation ...".

... There were cheeks in the crib, and between them - a smile. This is how our eldest daughter smiled in infancy, a joyful sun, a golden child. It happens - a child without a spot, pure living light, Great Consolation! The hospital things, washed to grayness, looked wildly, ridiculously on her. I wanted to immediately grab her, change her clothes - and not give her away.

But you can't. Everything must be according to the law, in due time! Change clothes - please, pick up - only by court order.

There were several other refuseniks in that hospital. They are kept for up to three months, and then, if health permits, they are sent to the orphanage. But at three months, few people leave the hospital: oranges will not be born from aspen, everyone has health problems. A hospital... Shabby walls with traces of leaks, crumbling tiles - and, as a mockery, a huge duck painted on peeling plaster. The gaps in its beak gave it a vicious expression and made it look like a tyrannosaurus rex.

The people who worked in that hospital did everything possible, only they had zero opportunities. Somehow change clothes, wipe the folds, put a bottle of formula in your mouth - and on to the next. Salary is a cynical mockery, not a salary. But checks ... And, as elsewhere in the Looking Glass, they will check the documentation, so write day and night! If they notice shortcomings, they will demand to eliminate them in time and report back - megatons of paper! The office is writing!

Our Manya was lying in the crib like a little sun and with all her appearance she was quoting her favorite cartoon in a few years: “I was born!” Her home nickname is Luntik ...

Luntik had so many folds that the hospital staff did not have time to process them all, sores formed in some places. The wife, cursing silently, wiped and processed them. And suddenly:

And we also have this girl!

A doctor entered the ward and lifted him out of the crib... No, there are no such children, they are from scary fairy tales!..

Sim. We call her Thumbelina,” the doctor continued. - Her mother deliberately provoked a miscarriage, well, provoked. And the miscarriage decided to survive! She is now five months old...

A bundle the size of a small doll was crowned by a blond head with a very thin, triangular face. A smile from which a splinter was stuck in the heart ...

Why did the doctor take it out then, why did she show it to us? After all, she knew who we came for, she knew that they had already filed an application with the court ... I decided not to approach Sima, and immediately stopped all my wife’s conversations about her. When we arrived to take Luntik home, I tried to keep my back to the corner where Sima's bed was, and immediately went up to my daughter ... Sima lay in her place and smiled slyly.

We shifted them, - the nanny explained a little guiltily. - This bed is better, but Manya is leaving anyway.

... Luntik gave and continues to give a huge amount of happiness. Senya took the appearance of his sister with his characteristic generosity, only occasionally showing jealousy with the help of a deliberate distortion of his already quite adult, pure speech with infantile lisping. The Lord has put so much love into the heart of this boy that it will be enough for many Luntiks. And everything was fine with us, only Sima's look was never forgotten when we left her room for the last time. Believe it or not, but it clearly read the confused: "Where are you? .."

5. Sima

They suffered for more than a year, and when my wife, with her characteristic clarity of thought, said: “We should order a certificate of no criminal record in advance, they do it for a month,” a splinter left my heart. It was necessary to take it right away, otherwise they added difficulties to themselves: to collect documents again, to look for where our girl was taken. There were no doubts that everything would work out: when the Order was heard, there were none, and there cannot be. Lyudmila Nikolaevna helped with the search. The orphanage, where she was sent from the hospital, was, fortunately, not far away.

... A large building, well-groomed territory, swings, a sandbox, "cobwebs", but the children are not visible. “Okay,” we thought, “a quiet hour, probably ...” We tried not to make noise, we talked in a whisper. The guard let us through without looking at the documents. Inside the building, we spent some time looking for someone to take care of us. Empty corridors, silence. Of course, the children on the second floor, of course, they are sleeping… Only… Well, children cannot behave like that, by their nature they cannot, and that’s it! In a house where a hundred children live, their voices should fill their ears! Looking ahead, I’ll say: such a picture was on each of our visits, and it took a long time to go to Sima - there’s nothing to be done, angels don’t go to work in custody, Lyudmila Nikolaevna - she’s the only one like that! The abundance of visual agitation on the walls hurt my eyes unpleasantly. Stand "How we live", stand "Doctors take care of little patients", stand "We draw", stand "Music lessons". The guest room is in perfect condition: upholstered furniture, expensive toys... And stands, stands, stands... My experience of working in children's institutions says that the abundance of visual agitation is in inverse proportion to real work. Unfortunately, if all the documentation is in perfect condition, and there is no living space on the walls from the stands, then this surest sign Looking glass at its worst. Or live work, or window dressing - one thing, it is impossible to combine them!

... Can a child weigh five kilograms at almost two years old? Maybe it was this one that Sima was brought to our guest room. Not standing on legs, handles are turned out, everything is tried with the back side thumb doesn't even try to speak. What is there! She could not walk like three-month-old children. (Forgive us, daughter, that we didn’t take you right away!) When you look at her wheelchair and cerebral palsy seemed inevitable. I am a man beaten (if not beaten) by life, but from this spectacle I “floated”. Only the wife, for whom the very word “impossible” is hateful, declared with exaggerated cheerfulness:

So what? Let's love her so much! All the same, she will be better with us, here she will simply die! Just look at her lively look - it's a gang! Wait, it won't be sweet with her yet!

The "gang" hung on his wife's arms like a lifeless rag, sometimes convulsively straining and filling the room with a thin mosquito squeak. From a very beautiful dress (apparently, the doll was taken off the road!) Two twigs with exorbitantly wide feet stuck out. I went to the window to break off a shoot from a flower - must I turn away somewhere? ..

Now I have a luxurious huge flower on my windowsill, some kind of palm tree - I don’t understand. From that escape...

... Believe it or not - she recognized us! On subsequent visits, the sisters from the staff assured that the girl was coming to life, and we ourselves saw it. She got tired only quickly: droplets of sweat appeared on her forehead, she began to whimper softly, and we went to look for someone (we always had to look) who would take her to bed. She could fall asleep suddenly, right on her shoulder.

We have never had such problems with authorities as with this adoption. The judge refused to accept the statement of claim drawn up “wrongly”; She didn’t give a sample, offering to go to a paid lawyer. Guardians said it was none of their business. How many times have we remembered our good angel, Lyudmila Nikolaevna! We walked in circles, while sometimes managing to run into a dead end, which contradicts the laws of Euclidean geometry. But ... Prayers to the Matrona of Moscow, Matrona Anemnyasevskaya - and a Miracle! A judge whose ferocity was whispered about; who declared that she would not give us a child, suddenly relented and decided everything in our favor. Moreover, again confirming that we would have to wait ten days for a formalized court decision, and then something else, unexpectedly (apparently for herself) she took and wrote at the end of the document: “In the interests of the child, for immediate execution.” This was not expected at the Children's Home, and we had to look for someone to give the documents to. Gave and heard:

Now it will be brought. Wait in the guest room.

We wait. An unfamiliar teacher appears with Sima in her arms. Silently gives the child and is going to leave.

Wait! - says the wife. - We'll take her now, just change into home clothes. And you take this dress, we don’t need ...
- How?! - barked the teacher. - You have to be warned! I wouldn't dress her up!
“We beg your pardon, next time we will definitely warn you,” I said humbly.
- Okay, - the teacher warmed up, - leave the rags on the table, I'll pick it up later.

She turned around and left without looking at the child! As Alice said, "it's getting weirder and weirder." We began to look for someone to give gifts and gifts for the staff (such a tradition we have formed), we came across the director of the orphanage. I don’t know, I still don’t know, where did the feeling that she was afraid of us come from?

We carried away the baby Seraphim along long empty corridors; no one came out to see. Outside, the spring sun was hot, the weather was fine - not a single child on a swing-carousel, not a single sound confirming that there were children here at all. Silence... I can still hear it. Only when we got into the car, an unpleasant, tinged with eerie feeling let go of us.

When visiting children, a mandatory and reasonable rule applies: do not feed those brought with you. This is understandable: it is very easy to disrupt a child’s stomach, it is much more difficult to restore a diet. Sim had to be fed on the way; we took with us special biscuits for babies (it is impossible for them to choke), a jar of fruit puree, something to drink ... I don’t remember. Stopped.

It was a shock. The girl did not take anything in her hand (she somehow held toys, even tried to play with them). She had no idea what it was like to eat with her hands! Sima devoured cookies greedily, excitedly, but when she tried to put it in her palm, she abruptly jerked her hand away, with obvious fear. Then she wept plaintively, and the wife stopped her unsuccessful attempts - she fed and watered herself, from her own hands. We drove on, my passengers in the back seat fell silent as they fell asleep. I squinted my eyes in the mirror and saw something I had never seen before. My fearless, unbending wife, a living illustration of Napoleon's words: “Impossibility is a refuge for cowards…” I saw her screaming, calm, threatening, sobbing with grief, affectionate… But I never saw her crying softly!

And in the evening I had to cry already. The fact that this girl was shown a massage was obvious, and I was the main massage therapist in the house. I laid out a towel, laid my weightless daughter, undressed her ... There is such an expression "skin and bones." Very thin, transparent skin; thin, like matches, bones. It is impossible to pick up something, make a fold, everything is so tight. What a massage! Carefully stroked, slapped, stretched his legs and arms - that's it! And again, touching the palms caused fear and convulsions. What did they do with her hands?

How did she eat in the first days! The main task was not to overfeed: the tummy swelled, and vomiting began. The usual diarrhea plunged us into a panic - the struggle was for every gram of weight. This girl had nowhere to lose weight: she would not lose weight, she would simply disappear, melt away like a ghost.

Children… How can they do it, what angel teaches them? It was they who tamed our girl Mowgli, they opened her up... Even on the first day, Senya went to the crib, in the very middle of which Sima was lost as an imperceptible speck, and began to stroke her:

Don't be afraid, my timid Princess! I will protect you, I have a sword!

They looked for walkers for Sima for a long time: all existing ones were too heavy, they would not move; it was also necessary to take into account that our children are somewhat noisy and very, to put it mildly, mobile. If not shortened, they rush like two rockets; while yelling like a herd of mammoths. They will knock down the "disappearing" girl along with the walker! Walkers found excellent - stable, light. Sea trials were successful. From the room came the cry of Luntik:

Senka, dizi! Simka, five feet!

And the rumble of walkers on the floor, accompanied by a sound similar to the ringing of a small silver bell ... Senya and Luntik drove walkers with Sima from wall to wall, caught, sent to each other. The bell is Simin's laughter, which we heard for the first time ... Soon they were already chasing each other, all three, and it did not matter that two were on their own legs, and the third was in a special device. Kids don't care, that's the secret!

Soon we received the first Big Gift. My wife called me at work and, choking with delight, shouted:

She took the bread! I took it and took a bite!

At home, they staged a demonstration for me - a deadly number called "eating porridge." Sima climbed into the porridge with both hands, messed up her hair and made her hairstyle "Mohawk". At the same time, she looked so victoriously that the phenomenon of “scared palms” became understandable. Imagine two dozen kids who have to be fed porridge by one adult. And if they all climb into the plate with their hands at the same time ?!

Who will wash? But what about the series? There, after all, the scoundrel Pedro left his Juanita with a little son, so, poor thing, she suffers! No, you have to do something with your hands! You see, no villainy, everything is strictly functional, and no one, in fact, is to blame ...

Baby's hands are something special, a lot depends on them. If the pens do not take anything, do not mold, do not get dirty - that's it, development stops. If a child categorically refuses to do something with his hands, you need to work with them: knead, stroke your palm, count your fingers, portray different animals with your hand. Yes, you never know methods, choose any. Or even better, come up with your own - love will tell you! But more important than all methods, all exercises, all medicines is Holy Communion. No matter how tired you are, no matter how much you want to sleep in the morning - get up and go to the Temple! Such children should be communed at least once a week, and better, if possible, more often. You can develop fine motor skills of the hand, you can improve the functioning of the vessels of the brain with the help of drugs, a lot can be done ... You can’t heal, only God can do it. Therefore, when choosing a place for children's recreation, one should be interested not in the specialization of the resort, but first of all in whether there is an Orthodox Church nearby. Terrible diagnoses have been removed from our children (not just one!) and all unfavorable forecasts have been broken. Sima's foramen ovale is shrinking, overgrowing, and the prospect of a complex operation, which inevitably faced us until recently, no longer threatens. Who did all this? Only He Who, through the mouth of the prophet Hosea, said: “Death, where is your sting? Hell, where is your victory? It is impossible to list all the Miracles of the Lord associated with our children; sometimes there is even a danger of getting used to the Miracle… God forbid!

And the miracles never end! Sima grew stronger before our eyes, began to stand on her fragile legs and finally went! Very uncertain, stumbling and falling - but in two months! The parishioners of our temple opened their mouths in amazement, observing these changes at weekly intervals. Naturally, Sima became everyone's favorite; during the Liturgy, she "walks from hand to hand." Only the speech was really bad. She was either silent, or made sharp guttural sounds, with only ligaments - without the participation of the tongue. She laughed occasionally, but more often she cried.

Family trips, joint trips, of course, are not the most important thing, there are things that are more important, but ... These are not wardrobes, not upholstered furniture, not TVs, not repairs in the apartment, not new cars, and so on, you can continue the list yourself. If there is a choice between the above benefits and travel, be practical, choose travel, you won't go wrong! Especially if it's a trip to the sea... As you may have guessed, our family is distinguished by extreme prudence and practicality. Therefore, having partially glued the torn wallpaper, we get into our old minibus and roll to the Crimea. On such trips, our older, blood children become small again; the little ones unite with the elders in a close-knit gang, and my wife and I are slowly getting younger, what is there ... This holiday is enough for a year - barely. By spring, Luntik begins to wake up in tears, and when asked about the cause of these tears, he answers:

I want to go to the sea!

In Crimea, small villages on the coast are still preserved, where you can rent a house for a large family quite inexpensively, with a peach orchard and a separate kitchen. We settle down - we live!

... For a crooked child's leg, there is nothing better than wet sea sand. The only problem is how to put this leg on the sand. Sima was afraid, she jerked her legs away, spread them in different directions and strained them like steel bars. I had to take her in my arms again and again and go into the water, bathe, soothe, sit down with her at the very edge of the surf and put, put a leg! It is important that the child feels how the sand passes between the fingers, and wants to repeat this feeling ... Sima wanted to! By the end of our stay at sea, she not only walked confidently, but also ran, climbed the fence and jumped from it - but this is the Lightning school with Luntik. Romka, our eldest son, whose duty it was to “graze” small fry outside the sea, was quietly going crazy. We let Romka go to the sea, and our eldest daughter helped to take care of the children. Otherwise, we can’t swim or catch a crab ...

Sima climbed onto my neck, stuck to it tightly and demanded with a regal gesture to go for a walk along the shore - this became our tradition with her. During such walks, I was obliged to sing - and without repetition! He sang everything that came to mind: arias from his favorite operas, operettas, romances, songs of Siberian vagabonds, rock, pop music. It was impossible to stop under the terms of the contract. Sima's attention was attracted (it is not clear why) by Grebenshchikov's song "Korneliy Schnapps", it was even allowed to be repeated.

(Now this is Simina's lullaby. I sing to each child his own song: Sene - “Sailors” by Vilboa, Luntik - “Fight”, our family song, my great-great-great-great-great-great people sang it. There should be rituals in the family , they must be carefully preserved and cultivated!)

And now Sima and I are walking along the shore, I diligently bring out in a hoarse voice:

Cornelius Schnapps is walking around the world...

Suddenly, a thin mosquito squeak, barely audible, but exactly repeating the melody. Sima sang!

It was a breakthrough! She first arranged the sounds in a harmonic order, and then moved on to the formation of articulate speech, it was more convenient for her. Already in our next "trip on the neck" Sima demanded:

Apparently, this was her first word. She uttered the main rhyme of the song "Cornelius Schnapps": hook, trousers, tsuriuk. Now our girl is cracking like a magpie, you can't stop it, and "Cornelius Schnapps" is still her favorite song. Thank you, Grebenshchikov Boris Borisovich!

Dear reader or reader! I hope I convinced you that a trip to the sea is much more important than buying a new car? If not…

6. Nicholas

Evening. He laid the children down (“Sailors”, “Fight”, “Schnapps”). I'm sitting, preparing tests for the eighth grade. The eldest daughter sighs about the groom (no one understands him at home, and he must die silently, but something doesn’t feel like it), the eldest son breaks another computer. My wife calls from work (she is a “fiery midwife”, an enthusiast of her work, she works every three days).

Please don't swear right away, okay? I'm not imposing anything on you, but you think ...

Boy.

Pause. If the wife believes that this boy (Lord, “this boy”! A wave of joy covers me from the combination of such words!) is our son, therefore, he has no chance of adoption. Need to find out...

Healthy?
- Healthy, antibodies only ...
- AIDS?
- No, hepatitis, the same ...
- What else?
- The mother is a drug addict ...
- Is it written on the map?
And it's on the map...

So… It really looks like this is our son!

This is all?

Well, his middle name was recorded in his documents, according to his mother ... Vazgenovich ... Only he doesn’t look like him at all!

So, or something like this, our dialogue in Russian sounded like this. At the same time, negotiations were going on at a different level between two experienced world explorers, explorers of the Looking Glass. This is us too! I give the exact translation:

Wife: “The enemy is dragging another victim. An order has been received from the Commander-in-Chief - immediate immersion!

Me: “Enemy agents have already fussed over ... Well, what did it cost your lawyer to correct the documents at least a little boy ?!”

... No one will take a boy with a non-Russian patronymic, a mother who is a drug addict and traces of her infection in the blood (see above about "good" foreigners). Chances (small) will appear only later, about two years old, - if everything is in order with him. But before that, he will be placed in the Orphanage, where they will launch him into an arena with high sides, where no one will sing a song for him at night, where it is impossible, having run bare heels on the floor, to jump into bed with mom and dad .., in a word, they will give him there, where children are never "all right"! I gathered my courage and cut it off, imitating the voice of Vysotsky in the role of Captain Zheglov:

We will take!

I called our confessor. He took the news without surprise - he was used to it. Blessed immediately, without the usual for him long questions. And then to say - such power, such clarity We heard the order for the first time! Believers constantly and somehow automatically pronounce the words: “Everything is in the hands of God!” My wife and I do not need to believe in this, for us this is an area of ​​\u200b\u200bprecise knowledge. On the way to our Kolenka there were insurmountable obstacles, it was impossible to overcome them even theoretically. Everyone who knew us said with one voice: “Impossible!” I will not enumerate these obstacles now - they were all diligently created and vigilantly guarded by the bureaucratic machine, which growled at us, threatened to crush and roll into a thin pancake! All these miserable obstacles were easily, without the slightest effort, scattered by the Powerful Hand. We have never had such a fast adoption! We broke all records for the speed of collecting documents, the trial went surprisingly smoothly. We had just begun to wonder at the miracle that was happening, and Nikolai was already kicking his legs in his bed, in his rightful place in our house.

... Orthodox adoptive parents: trust God! He knows better who to give you, believe me! Kolenka turned out to be a golden boy, a miracle child, Great Consolation-2! During the Epiphany, he did not even cry out. The priest had never seen anything like this, got scared, shook the boy. Then Nikolai gravely raised his voice, they say, everything is in order with me, you can continue. Sun! He is the only one who can easily pacify our gang: you have to lead him by the hand, show him toys, caress him - all this is difficult to do on the run or while jumping from a chest of drawers. When Kolenka sleeps, the gang calms down and starts role play- "to Kolenka". As a rule, Sima is appointed Kolenka, Luntik plays the role of mother, and Senya paints on his beard ...

7. Xenia

Life hasn't written this chapter yet. On a blank sheet there is only a name - Xenia. Baptized non-Russian girl, disabled. The work ahead is long and difficult: there are too many obstacles that are insurmountable at first glance ... We ask for your prayers! (Few people know that the girl in baptism is Ksenia, the documents have a completely different name. Lord, may Your will be over all of us! If this girl is not ours, may she find a home where she will be loved!)

8. Dangers

It is known that the most brilliant invention of the owner of the Looking-Glass, his meanest lie is the conviction that he does not exist. Sometimes people, even believers, allow themselves to reason like this: “Yes, we admit that something like this really exists. But we are modern people, we will not seriously believe in the existence of an evil person who deliberately does all sorts of dirty tricks to us. Let's, let's be better! Safer...

If you decide to go on a hike for the children, you should know: he is on the alert, he is watching you. Why? And very simply: you came for his prey. Fasting, prayer, attentiveness to oneself - especially, beyond the usual. It helps a lot to read the Gospel, one chapter a day; Psalter - feasible. The Holy Cross Prayer must be learned by heart and repeated more often as soon as you feel the need, because an attack can occur at any second, suddenly. Of course, nothing serious threatens a believing person who constantly receives Holy Communion, the Lord will crush the “demons of weak insolence.” But here are the minor troubles, according to our sins, He can allow it - so that they don’t relax, so that they don’t forget who they contacted.

With us it was like that. The most difficult, the longest certificate of the adoptive parent is medical. It is necessary to go through all dispensaries, all doctors, get round seals everywhere, triangular seals, rectangular stamps - by the end of the collection, the sheet becomes of blue color from a continuous cover of seals. It's good if the doctor is a formalist: he slaps his signet - and walk to another! And if analyzes to do will send? And if he sends him for an X-ray? Naturally, the thicker the blue on the certificate, the stronger the “vibrates” the adopter. When it was the turn of the cardiologist, I had to do a cardiogram - it should be pasted into the card. I’m going, I’m not expecting anything bad: in our family, a healthy heart is a family property. I get up from the couch, I joke with the nurse, but she does not support something. Excuse me, I'm heading for the exit. And suddenly the doctor, in the back:

Excuse me... Have you recently had a heart attack? You have a very bad cardiogram.

I am trying to prove that I am healthy, that I have never felt better, and then my heart sank ...

Don't worry so much, - the doctor consoles. - There are temporary deteriorations. Come back in a week, we'll do it again.

I come home, I tell - the wife swears, the children cry. We are already going to Senechka, we cannot imagine life without him, and suddenly this ... I began to slowly swallow nitroglycerin, but the repeated cardiogram turned out to be even worse. The doctor at the clinic sent me to the cardio center for an examination ... Terrible words had already been uttered: “With such a heart, we will not give you a certificate!” In the cardiology center, the doctor examined me for a very long time, listened through some kind of tricky equipment, and then asked:

And why did you come here? You have a perfectly healthy heart!

A certificate from the cardiology center crushed the "demons of feeble insolence", but since then the heart has been no-no, and it tingles. Don't forget, don't relax!

(Recently, my wife made me undergo a serious heart examination - not for reference, for herself. The result - at least send it into space!)

During the campaign for Luntik, I fell down with severe pneumonia, which turned into pleurisy. I paid for Sima with progressive deafness. For Kolenka - headaches and neuro-allergic eczema. Do I need to say that now my lungs are completely clear, my hearing has recovered, the ulcers on my skin have healed? Only headaches come back from time to time: remember! Thank God for everything!

Attacks can also be carried out through people - at work, on the street, at home. Colleagues, who until recently treated you exceptionally friendly, suddenly turn into vile informers; The bosses, who have always favored you, say, looking straight into your eyes: “We don’t keep anyone!” Quarrels with relatives arise from scratch and bring almost to rage. The main thing is to understand in time where all this comes from; remember that before you are not enemies, but good, kind people! Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out. Sometimes this happens:

Wife: “Change your shirt, that wrinkled one. Why are you always embarrassing me?!"

Me: “Why change? The shirt is quite fresh.

Wife: "Are you kidding me?! What, it's hard to just change clothes?

Me: "It's hard! And I'm so late!"

A minute later, a five-point scandal with reproaches, accusations and far-reaching conclusions is already blazing. The faces are twisted with anger, the eyes are filled with blood - just that the dishes do not fly! Suddenly one of us catches himself and silently stands in front of the icons. The other continues to babble for some time, but soon stops and also begins to pray.

Forgive me! So stupidly set up ...
- Yes, they made this rubbish happy ... And forgive me! We are experienced explorers!

9. Difficulties

I re-read what was written and realized that the picture turned out to be incomplete, which means it was false. Everything is too good for us, too blissful, but this is far from being the case! The hostile reality takes revenge at the first opportunity, and you can't relax - it's dangerous! The first difficulty of the adoptive parent is the children themselves. We know some of the same families, we can derive certain statistics and confidently say: this difficulty is common. No matter how long they look for a child for adoption, no matter how carefully they check his medical documents, it is better to understand right away: there are no healthy children in boarding schools and orphanages!

... Senya at first could not fall asleep in the evening. Mom rocked him in her arms, I sang my stupid songs, my daughter composed and told long tales - it's all useless! Finally, the wife, exhausted from many hours of bedtime, laid Lightning in her bed and barked in her hearts:

Well, sleep!

He fell asleep instantly, unnaturally quickly, as if turned off! So for the first time we got acquainted with the phenomenon that has the scientific name "hospitalism" - a mental disorder caused by the lack of contact with the mother in the infant. In Senya, hospitalism manifested itself in the mildest form: he simply played for time, struggled with sleep in order to prolong the feeling of tactile contact with us. Hospitalism is in ALL babies who grew up outside the family.

In the most severe form, it manifested itself in Sima. She got up on all fours and began to sway, making rhythmic howling sounds. And it was scary! It is difficult to explain, but there was nothing human in this movement, nothing meaningful. A small triangular face turned into an animal mask, saliva began to flow from her mouth ... I wanted to immediately grab her in order to stop this stupid swaying, to bring our girl back to reality. So we actually did. After reading the literature, they realized that they were doing the only right thing. If the disease is caused by a lack of bodily contact with the parents, this contact should be given to the child. But as?! How to give if the child behaves like a coil of barbed wire? She was alone all her little life, no one held her in her arms, no one rocked her, so our Sima learned to rock herself. When she got tired (and at first she got tired very quickly), she had to lie down, and before that she swayed on all fours. If you interfere, she will begin to cry, act up, rest against all her bones, push away ... At first, this lady did not tolerate familiarity at all! We were in despair: the forecasts for the development of hospitalism were scary.

Everything! No bed for her until she unlearns! - the wife said decisively, and Sima moved to our bed. If you want to sleep - lie down with us! They set it up like this. A tiny ball of cunning was covered with a blanket, lay down next to each other (in turn). They stroked her head and body, rhythmically saying all sorts of tenderness, and Sima obediently pretended to fall asleep. When the strokes ended, one (cunning!) eye opened, she carefully crawled out from under the blanket and settled down on all fours.

Can't swing! - a menacing cry was heard, and Sima, scurrying like a lizard under the covers, tightly closed her eyes: “I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping! Why shout something? .. "

And so all night long! Sometimes she won and rocked us. How much time has passed, Sima has been sleeping in her bed for a long time, but his wife no, no, and she will shout in the middle of the night: “You can’t swing!”

According to experts, we coped with hospitalization in a record short term. We did it - a new trouble came: Sima began to wake up in the middle of the night at the same time and cry very bitterly. It is impossible to stop this: she needs to cry, and always in her arms. Sometimes it takes an hour or more. You can't do anything about it, absolutely nothing! (Well, contriving is sometimes possible, but these are special tricks, uninteresting to the reader.)

…Once I found my wife upset. She cries, as already mentioned, rarely, but at that time the tears came very close.

What? What happened to you?! I got scared.

Hundreds, thousands of beds, each with a child. Everyone is swinging and howling!

What can you say? With this poison we live until death!

... Senya turned out to be a born athlete. In order to put his irrepressible energy at least somewhere, we sent him to the gymnastics section. They didn’t want to take it - it’s too small, they offered to wait a year. Somehow they agreed, they took me to the younger group. Two months later, the coach asked his wife to stay and said:

IN junior group your son has nothing else to do, he is bored. You need to move to the next one in terms of age.

A month later, we were seriously warned:

The boy is extraordinarily gifted. Big sport - that's for sure! It would be a shame to lose such talent!

Yes, we ourselves saw, watching the training, how easily our Lightning takes off along the rope to the ceiling of the hall (plunging the coach into horror: what if he falls?!), how confidently he runs on the log, how gracefully he walks on his hands and turns the “wheel”. Sweet feeling - parental pride! Of course, our boy should have all the best: tights, shoes, a bag... Behind these conceited thoughts, we did not hear the whistle of a bullet flying from the Looking Glass!

At night, Seine became ill. We never call an ambulance in such cases, we carry the child ourselves: in the hospital they will grumble, quarrel, but measures will be taken immediately, without a pause. Our courageous boy steadfastly endured the injections, resignedly remained in boxing - it must be so! (Until the morning, until we sorted out all our affairs and organized shift duty around him.) A week later he was discharged - the former cheerful Lightning, completely healthy. Only now the load is contraindicated for him. No sports - light physical education, and that's it. Asked for the first time:

Dad, when are we going to the gym?

How to answer this simple question, how?! To say that you can’t keep newborn children under a greenhouse film, you can’t feed them anything? That children should be kept in a crib, weighed every week and loved every second? But Senya remembers only us, which means that I, the almighty dad, is to blame for everything! We hope that everything will be fine, that he will outgrow this trouble, that we will pick up a feasible sport for him. But no, it’s not scary either: Senya already reads fluently and easily beats an adult brother in checkers ... Thank God for everything!

It is better with Luntik and Kolya: bullets fly at them too, but the wounds are light and heal quickly. We took them very small, and when you deal with the Looking Glass, every day counts.

Sima has FAS - fetal alcohol syndrome - in a mild form. This disease was discovered quite recently, almost not studied, it is caused by maternal alcoholism. Hence the abnormally low weight, developmental delays. At the same time, the girl is smart, of the finest spiritual organization. But with a weakened memory. If you believe, if you live in prayer, if you tirelessly work on its development, then the Lord will give you another Miracle.

I repeat once again: there are no healthy children in "state houses"! Even if the child got there after the death of positive parents and lived in a normal environment for the first years of his short life, the very fact of going to a parallel world causes severe trauma to the psyche. It is strange to hear complaints about childhood kleptomania from some adoptive parents, it is strange to hear about such an exotic disease as jogger syndrome, it is strange to hear confirmation of these diagnoses by doctors at the age of three or four! At three years old, all children are kleptomaniacs! They take it because they want to! The advice of a person who has gone through all this: do not exacerbate an invented problem, it simply does not exist! If the child likes to take secretly, then let him take it openly - interest will disappear. Things that cannot be taken categorically (documents, medicines) should simply be locked up. Never, under any circumstances, take your child to a psychiatrist! The problem (if any) will only get worse, and the child will have a feeling of betrayal committed against him. It is possible to heal the wounds inflicted by “petrified insensitivity” only with the absolute trust of the baby in you.

10. To speak or not to speak?

Tell the child that he is adopted, or hide? This question faces all adoptive parents and is considered difficult.

We do not hide, but Faith and Love help to explain that dad and mom can have children different ways, but it doesn't matter how. God gave! Once, one “smart” uncle tried to tell our Seine where he came from, and was planted in a puddle in disgrace. Senya explained to the “well-wisher” that he is exactly the dearest, and there is no dearer, because dad and mom really wanted him and begged from the Lord! And when he tried to explain what an orphanage is, the kid cut him off in annoyance:

Yes, I know! We have Simka from there.

We do not interfere with such contacts - it is useless. All the same, they will be, so it’s better under our control.

Only no melodrama, no sighs and special conversations in the spirit of cheap TV shows: “My son, I must tell you a secret ...” Lies, falsehood and vulgarity can be not only in words, but also in the situation itself! The child is not interested in long confessions, he is only interested in the fact itself, and even then not very much: “Dad, is it true? Why are you without slippers again ?! And he is already looking for slippers, and then for soldiers, whom Luntik hid somewhere out of harm. But it also happens differently. The child climbs onto your lap, the coal eyes are burning with curiosity, the mouth is ajar: “Dad, tell me ...” And here, if you please, you need to tell, and the more, the better. Because now it is no longer a fact, but a Tale about Himself; he will remember it and correct it next time if you make a mistake in the details.

If possible, the fact of adoption should be hidden from the outside world, since it is mostly hostile. The fewer people privy to your secret, the better. A simple example: we cannot afford to take our children out into the street not in smart clothes, even if they are not yet old and quite strong. Dozens of eyes are watching, many of them are unfriendly, and will definitely notice the slightest flaws.

One day, my wife and I got into an argument over a tiny hole in our tights that we didn't see while we were dressing the kids. Pantyhose, of course, flew into the trash can. (“Wasn’t it possible to mend the tights?” - you ask. Of course, you can! Usually we do this - but we put darned things on the guys exclusively at home or in the country. something!) Our girls should always look like princesses, this is our cross! Otherwise, meter-long calloused tongues will work at full capacity, a snake hiss will be heard behind their backs - our children should never hear this sound!

We were surprised to find that the majority of unchurched people are hostile to large families. When you walk in the park with all the "brood", you often hear after: "Procreated!" If they find out in what specific way they "spawned", hostility only intensifies. Why?! To a direct question in different versions, the same answer is always heard: “We lived without it!” (We live, we will live - underline the necessary.) In this answer, in essence, there is everything for understanding the phenomenon of strange hostility.

A person has lived his life, and it is very important for him to know that he lived it correctly. Where is the criterion? Other people, their material wealth, their health, comfort. The minimum for self-esteem sounds like this: “No worse than others!”, The maximum is “Better than many!” An apartment, a car, a dacha, clothes, rest, a career - “no worse than others” or “better than many”. Children do not fit into this pattern and are easily rejected. Hence so many incomplete families, abortions, refuseniks. In parallel worlds, the “department of agitation and propaganda” works perfectly, and a person at the right time will always hear: “You are still young, live for yourself, you will have time ... You are not old yet, live for yourself, life is short ... Yes, you are old, but still quite strong, live for yourself, and " ambulance» will arrive on time… Did the neighbor die? So he didn’t take dietary supplements, but you do.” A person diligently, lovingly builds a system of values ​​for himself, in which his life is quite successful, and he himself is good, wonderful, successful.

A happy large family for such people is a bucket of ice water on their heads. A large family should be poor, asocial: dad drinks, mom walks, children are dirty and hungry. Then everything is in order in the system of values ​​of the inhabitant! At the source of this stereotype is loneliness. An unchurched person is monstrously, inescapably lonely (I remember from my own experience!), alive soul yearns for the Unfulfilled. This melancholy is drowned out by entertainment and self-persuasion that everyone lives like this. And suddenly it turns out - not all! The very thought of it is unbearable… “We lived without it…”

Among believers, the attitude is just the opposite. In the parishes, they try to help families with many children, they are loved and - believe it or not! - they are proud, as they are proud in the family of the success of their children. And one more thing ... Any large family, where "dad doesn't drink, and mom doesn't walk," is self-sufficient. This is a small and very, very happy world, inside of which it is good not only for those who are its permanent residents, but also for the guest. Therefore, lonely believers often come to us to "warm up" - they will come, help to cope with our gang and gradually become relatives, their own ... Family.

11. "Treasury house"

Everything related to abandoned children is, of course, a zone of close attention for us. And when I was asked to take a group of volunteers to the orphanage, I immediately agreed. The purpose of the trip was to take pictures of the guys on the site for possible adoptive parents.

It turned out to be the best boarding school I have ever seen. Not materially - spiritually. Immediately, from the threshold, there was a feeling that the children were here ... I wanted to write the word “good”, but my hand did not rise. Children cannot be happy in a state-run home. It's unnatural, and it never happens! All the same waiting eyes, whispers behind the back, the rehearsed “come” ... The teacher cannot love the pupils as his children, no heart is enough for this. All the same, he will go home in the evening (if there is no duty) and go on vacation - with his own children. There's nothing to be done: loving pupils is just a job.

And yet, in that boarding school, there was no smell of carrion, as in many similar institutions. The guys kept themselves naturally, a little hooligans, the kids very willingly showed their toys, answered questions. The older kids were also friendly. When I lagged behind my own, a ninth grader took me out “to the people” along the tangled corridors of the old building - he himself, on his own initiative, at the same time willingly chatted along the way. This is a sure sign of well-being: if the institution is “unclean”, you will never be let out of sight, someone from the administration will always loom nearby. Moreover, they will not be allowed to talk freely with the pupils. The guys were loved here - as much as it is generally possible in a boarding school. Every summer they are taken to their own tourist camp on Seliger, where they live in tents on the shore of the lake, they live all summer. Any teacher who has read these lines will say: the headmaster should immediately erect a monument made of pure gold and studded with diamonds: after a year of hard labor, either Stalin or Rothschild can move the educators to go to the camp. Work in the camp is not just hard labor - it is hard labor cubed: for sleep - two hours a day in the best scenario! Keep a hundred children in tents different ages and habits, next to the water… The older ones dream of love, the younger ones - to escape to the pirates… Local guys who have their eyes on young beauties visiting; their high school students, ready to reckon with the locals ... Horror! The fact that the director himself has long forgotten what a vacation is, you can not say, and so it is clear!

We walk around classrooms and living rooms, take pictures of children, talk to them. Cozy rooms, sofas - no iron beds, barracks and does not smell! The shelves where personal things are placed are all right, this is well thought out: every child has the right to his own, personal space, even if it is meter by meter. The head teacher accompanies us, then runs away on business, we go ourselves ... Another plus for the boarding school! The kids diligently pose for the photographer, they perfectly understand why this is done: “Look how good I am! I will bring you only joy!” A red-haired third grader talks about his studies. And suddenly the teacher comes up:

Vanya in Lately lagged behind, became lazy in mathematics, picked up triples ...

How often have I heard these simple, on-duty teacher's words, how often have I uttered them myself! But this reaction...

Not true! Vanya shouted. - I'm a good student, I got these threes wrong! I'll fix it! I will try!

There were real tears in his eyes. There was a silent conversation between the student and the teacher, which I, an experienced world explorer, could not overhear.

Student: "You betrayed me! Can't you see who I'm talking to, don't you know why we're being photographed?! What's with your stupid triplets?!"

Teacher: “Forgive me, Vanechka, I accidentally! I'll fix it now!"

I also think that these triples are random, - the teacher was in a hurry to make amends for the faux pas. - Vanechka is one of our best students.

Once again I mentally bowed my head to the local teachers. They have to watch their every step, like a hunter walking through a swamp: a step to the right, a step to the left - a quagmire!

As we progressed to the senior classes, the children were photographed more and more constrainedly. Some were already holding on with a challenge: “Don't take me?! Well, no need, get lost there alone! You don’t understand your happiness!” One fifth grader flatly refused to act and talk. (Later, however, the head teacher explained to us that this girl had already been chosen, the adoptive parents had filed documents with the court. She simply did not want to create competition for her friends.) In high school, the head teacher joined us again - so as not to offend us, as I understand it. She persuaded to be photographed something like this:

You are adults and you perfectly understand that there are no chances, you will not be chosen.
- Why shoot?
- It is supposed that the site should have photos of all the pupils of the boarding school. This will help the kids.
- So that, then, our terrible mugs set off their faces?

What I love you for, Slava, is for your understanding!

Such talk always succeeded; high school students, chuckling and fooling around, were preparing to pose. And everyone, without exception, flashed hope in their eyes: “What if? ..” Especially in girls.

... Selective, disgusting obscenity, vomited by a girl's mouth; the apologetic look of the head teacher. I honked the head teacher in response: “It's okay, we went through it!”

Katya, come out, I beg you in a good way, - the head teacher said with feigned calmness.

Katya came out, but so that we continued to listen to her outpourings:

In a good way (checkmate) asks (checkmate)! And what could be worse, right? (Mat, mat, mat...)
- Katya was recently sent from another boarding school. We have specificity - delay mental development. So she was diagnosed - and sent ... Common practice to get rid of. And recently the boy was sent according to the same scheme. It's not all right with the orientation. This one. Thank God, the senior class - not long to endure.

The fact that you only have to endure, and nothing else - we also went through this. And what can the staff of this boarding school against such a girl?! Nothing, absolutely. There is nothing real in stock to "in a bad way", no! The most annoying thing is that in other boarding schools, where the administration does not leave the guests, but instead of the children they show the Our Life stand, this girl would be quickly reined in.

The head teacher broke through, and she told without stopping.

We have most of the children from the Orphanage, refuseniks. There are also social ones. When we take a small one, there are almost no problems. Of course, a boarding school will not replace a family, but we try, we try very hard! Our kids are quite shy, have you noticed? Because here is their home, their world, and you are an "outside" stranger. Everything here is very fragile here, so intrusions by people like Katya are especially painful. Was recently one ... Horror! A professional from the road, she has been doing this since her childhood. She kept walking and complaining (in front of the kids!) that “there is not enough dough in the pocket.” Well, I ran away to fix this thing! She ran away at night, I was on duty. What to do? I call my husband, he arrives by car, we drive along the highway, we catch. Caught, can you imagine? She was just trying to stop the car. This… girl was laughing in my face. Over my whole life, over our shabby "Muscovite", over what is dear to me ... And I persuaded me not to get excited, to think. The husband endured, endured, but could not stand it: he threw her into the car by force, and on the way to the boarding school told her everything. Our director, raised by alarm, was combing the neighborhood in his rattletrap, everyone met at the boarding school. And only then did she answer - not to her husband, to the director: “Tell this husband to this one (gesture in my direction) that if he opens his mitten again, I will plant him! Explain to him exactly how I will do it ... ”You should have seen her look ... Adult and very scary!

I saw it,” I muttered, and returned to mine. - Adopted often?
- Small ones are sometimes taken. Rarely, but they do. And starting from the fifth grade - almost never. The worst thing is to give them "into life". Here they have a house - some kind of no, but there ... There is a special vocational school with a hostel, where people like Katya set the tone. It's a pity, and there is no way out, that's the horror! The most terrible holiday for us is graduation party ...

This little woman sat and swayed slightly with her hands between her knees... the surest sign of severe poisoning - unquenchable pity!

It is very uncomfortable to leave such a place forever, that's why I returned - with a load of "humanitarian aid", which I managed to collect in our parish. I packed my minibus right under the roof, people responded very warmly, but ... But, taking this opportunity, I want to make a statement, which I will title as

Heart-rending cry of a volunteer soul

Dear donors and donors! An orphanage is not a substitute for a garbage dump, where it is not a pity to take your things well-rested on the mezzanine! No need to carry junk! The merciless hand of my wife, and it will still end up where it belongs - in the dumpster, but it takes a lot of effort for us to sort out half-decayed drape coats, almost unworn grandfather's trousers, broken toys. Understand: we are not bringing help to a shelter for homeless alcoholics, but gifts for children! Good, kind, innocent children! Would you like to receive worn shoes as a gift?! Shoes need new or almost new - it literally burns on children; things - fashionable, which are not ashamed to be worn by a boy or girl; we need toys that are developing, smart, and more ... Once I noticed that the high school students who were unloading my car were given a pack of cookies from the ones they brought. So they immediately ate it all! They are well fed, but where have you seen children eat what they are given at the table? In the intervals between "meals" it is necessary to nibble something, munch, have a snack ... Do your children act differently? I do not believe! So: boarding schools have nowhere to eat and nothing to eat! Therefore, bring non-perishable goodies - we will deliver!
... It is impossible to leave this occupation, so the trips continue and, as long as there is enough strength, they will continue. From each visit to the “state house” I endure a new portion of poison, but the last time I received an award, which is more expensive than any: the guys poured out to meet my rattletrap, and one of the pupils called me uncle.

12. Success and failure

Why is this book being written? Of course, to be adopted. And for what? And not to be adopted! I will explain the last thesis with examples.

... A single woman really wanted a child. I collected all the documents for adoption, went through special courses (fortunately, the Lord saved us from this), searched for my own for a very long time ... I found a small, almost newborn. And a week later she brought him into custody and put him on the table in front of the stunned inspector:

Take away! He screams all the time, I can't sleep!

And she left, not turning around at the indignant cries of the guardians. And what to do with it? They took it, took it to the Orphanage, but before that they had to change clothes and feed. In this act, a certain legal literacy was clearly traced: it is impossible to draw up an act of tossing, since this document is written, together with the police, precisely by guardianship. It cannot be said that a child is abandoned if he is in the organs of guardianship and guardianship!

... The young couple could not give birth to their child in any way, both were even treated for something; finally adopted a two year old boy. Soon (this happens very often!) they had their own daughter. Everything! The boy was brought to the same guardianship.

We thought he needed our love! - the father was indignant. But he doesn't need anyone! He does everything out of spite: he spoils things, pours compote on the floor ... He doesn’t even love his sister: he spat on her, tore her photograph ... We don’t need such a son!

(A little advice, out of place. In order for the older child to fall in love with the younger one, who has not yet been born (or not taken), you need to tell the older one more often who will soon appear in the house. How they will be friends when the younger one grows up, how carefully you need to handle him, how great it is - a brother or sister. Then the child begins to wait. And he is arranged in such a way that he always loves what is waiting!)

... A mother of many children got married and decided to take her new husband's child from the orphanage. The woman indignantly told us what a terrible state the boy was in: emaciated, dirty, with lice; how long it took to bring him back to normal and accustom to cleanliness. We saw this kid playing with his brothers - nothing special, it is clear that the children accepted him. But soon complaints began - at every meeting. The main theme: the boy is obstinate, aggressive, uncontrollable - orphanage, in general. They suffered for two years and returned the baby! This family, by the way, considered themselves a believer ...

Three examples united by a terrible, tragic ending. No, in the first two cases, the children were adopted again and everything is in order with them - the finale is terrible and tragic for failed parents. I do not want to paint in detail, but in each case punishment followed immediately, including through relatives, blood children. When you invade the territory of the "father of lies", you are sure to join the battle. We must remember and not forget for a second what power you are in contact with! God forbid anyone arbitrarily withdraw from the battle, oppose His Holy Will, against His direct, clearly expressed Order! Reasoning to the deserter is inevitable ...

Back to the beginning of the chapter: why not adopt? Yes, because this is the most dangerous occupation - for those who are not fully aware of their responsibility. It is impossible to betray a child and be a happy person after that! Absolutely impossible, without the slightest compromise! The Lord himself spoke about the significance of the child in the universe, about the responsibility for children (all without exception, not only his own!) and said unambiguously: such children in My name, he accepts Me ... ”(),“ ... let the children come to Me and do not forbid them, for such is the Kingdom of God ”().

Do you understand? What we are striving for so much, what we are trying to earn, hoping only for the Grace of God, already belongs to the children! And if we do not help the children to receive what is rightfully theirs, then “... it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and thrown into the sea, rather than for him to seduce one of these little ones” ().

There are two things to keep in mind when adopting. First: you did not benefit anyone, on the contrary, it was for no reason that they handed you a precious reward. Second: be ready to change your life, and change radically. Accept these changes without grumbling and with gratitude, even if you have to give up a lot. This idea was best expressed by our very large spiritual father:

“Imagine that you have prepared a table for work: you have laid out books, documents - everything is convenient, everything is at hand ... And then your one-year-old child came up to you and mixed everything with his pen, and even got it dirty! You must immediately take him in your arms and kiss him, of course! And think: what is more important - your serious business or the Miracle sitting in your arms?

Why adopt? Let's leave this question unanswered for now. Hear the Order - and all words will seem empty, meaningless. Here is a wonderful story for you, one of the most beautiful, which my wife and I spied on our trips for children ...

Husband and wife lost a child, and could no longer give birth (now this happens very often). They collected documents, began to look for a boy from one to three years old, fair-haired and blue-eyed. As usual, they found a girl, brown-eyed and very sick. Her illness was associated with a constant risk to life, so the doctors advised against taking her: why another grief? As already mentioned, there are so many abandoned children that this ocean of grief cannot be drained - we don’t even try, it’s much easier to pretend that everything is in order.

The husband and wife continued their search and found a miracle child: a healthy, well-fed girl (a rarity!). Beauty - you can’t take your eyes off, eyes like cornflowers, hair is light. We went to this girl, they had already decided to take her, but at the last moment the husband refused: his soul became attached to that sick one ... The very thought that the girl would die alone, among strangers, on a government bed, was unbearable to him. Having made a decision married couple I felt great relief, as if a stone had fallen from my soul ... This girl is now in the family, she is alive, and there is hope for recovery ...

When we took our first, the spiritual father, having blessed, accompanied us with the words:

When you come next time, I will demand a more precise financial justification: it is not good to throw yourself down from a cliff in the hope that the angels will catch you.

Then we decided that the main thing in these words was “financial justification”, and indeed next time we talked in detail about our income. Now it is obvious that the main word was "when". Not "if", but "when". The priest knew from experience that it was impossible to stop on this path: there are not so few families like ours in the Orthodox environment ...

This is a difficult question: why adopt? Let's try to approach it from the other side...

Places where human pain lashes over the edge are near us. They are easy to see - you just need to want. Only now I really don’t want to look there, there’s nothing good there ... We roughly imagine how guest workers live (Lord, what a word!). Basements, slums, where people sleep almost side by side... They live, satisfy their basic needs, give birth to children, get sick, sometimes die... Have you ever wondered where the corpses go? They are not taken to their homeland, they are not buried in our cemeteries ... So, food for thought. Most likely, they dig in somewhere, hide, destroy. There is no doubt that there is a system of disappearance of people without a trace - there was a man, and he is not! Scary? Of course it's scary. Let's not look there, why? There is a lot of good in life - so more positive, more positive! ..

The number of abandoned children is growing, they grow up and fill up the guards of the enemy - the criminal world. You can not look at it, you can turn away, but sooner or later you will come across them face to face - the territory of everyday, everyday evil is growing. "For what?! For what?!" - the victim usually cries. And for turning away. The Lord is just!

There is only one way to fight against the Looking Glass - to attack its territory, counterattack, snatch prey from it, create zones of Goodness and Love around you. For this, in fact, there is a Christian family - a small Church of Christ. You look, there is a speck of light, here ... They become brighter and larger ... Or maybe someday we will find each other? Merge borders, huh? Where will the darkness be then?

Well, that's about it. It seems to have answered!

I wrote this little chapter based on my personal statistics and in no case do I pass off its content as the ultimate truth. Thank God, people are all different, and if you clearly hear the Order, do not take into account what you are about to read.

Unsuccessful adoptions are most common in single-parent families, when a woman takes a child alone (single men, as a rule, do not give children - and quite rightly!). I do not want to offend single mothers at all, but, unfortunately, there are more and more of them. (Sometimes up to two-thirds of the class - fatherlessness, and most of the children never knew their father! A common thing, you say? But this is a disaster!)

Think carefully, dear lady: can you raise someone else's child alone? No, I have no doubts about your ability to earn money, now women have proven their financial viability. It's about something else. Incomplete family(do not be offended!) - this is a defective family. At the heart of a real family is the love of dad and mom for each other. When children are born, this love grows and includes them in its circle. The first thing children learn in a family is to love. Agree, without dad, it’s not a circle, but a semicircle ... Well, for example, mom got angry with her daughter and put her in a corner, but she still doesn’t obey - she found a scythe on a stone! Mom loses her temper, gets nervous, screams, cries ... The usual scene, right? But then dad comes, takes his daughter in his arms and starts telling her: “Well, look what you've done! I brought my mother to tears, and she loves you so much! The daughter throws herself on her mother's neck, both cry, kiss - the question is closed!

As a teacher, I often heard such words from single mothers: “What should I do with him (her)? Tell me, you are an experienced specialist!” Now, when we do not see each other, I can say frankly: no one will help you, because the best and only specialist in the world for your child is you yourself! So, for several decades, I have not heard the question “What to do with our son (daughter)?” not a single (!) Time? from parents from a complete family. They themselves know! They know because they love.

The most successful examples when a single woman copes well with the role of a foster mother is when she takes a daughter (namely a daughter!) Not quite tiny, but already grown up, with bitter experience behind her small shoulders. In this case, the mother becomes at the same time the older friend. There is a strong and happy union of two very unhappy people individually.

Adoption will not end in anything good if the spouses take the child without agreeing with each other. In this matter, they must be one soul, one thought! The hope that everything will settle down, that “he” will get used to it and fall in love, is very weak. There may be disputes before a decision is made, before they embark on the path, but the Order must be heard together. I know examples where uncoordinated adoption ended in divorce, the return of the child, and none - successful! Be extremely careful!

As already mentioned, there are a lot of abandoned children in Moscow whose parents come from Central Asia. Not only men go to work, but for an oriental woman to return home with an offspring that has come from nowhere is tantamount to death. It’s also good if children are left in the hospital, or even simply thrown to death. The embassies of the Small But Proud Republics are asking the administrations of maternity hospitals to report cases of abandonment of children by their citizens, but they, of course, do not do this - after all, this is tantamount to murder, and one does not want to send a small ball of life to hell. Our, domestic Looking Glass is still a little cleaner!

Oriental women, as a rule, do not have bad habits (yet), and their children are born healthy, strong. I advise from the bottom of my heart - take it! If they feel good with us, if we make them our own, then maybe we will learn to look at guest workers without involuntary arrogance? If not, Asian foundlings will grow up... Strong, unkind!.. This is the future in which our children will live!

And the last unsolicited advice: if you think that after adoption, people's attitude towards you will change for the better, and this is important to you - do not adopt. It will change for the worse, this is what almost all adoptive parents say.

14. Juvenile justice

Oblomov (not a character in Goncharov's novel, but his parodic counterpart from Shukshin's fairy tale "Until the third roosters") said a wonderful phrase: "The thing must be done ... you just need to understand - what to do?" The country has adopted the European Convention on the Rights of Children, which means that these very rights must be protected. But as? It is known that juvenile justice is indispensable.

It is urgent to create a system, structure, subdivisions, departments; to appoint representatives, assistants to representatives, commissioners, assistants to commissioners; put a salary for everyone - and defend it, boldly and decisively! Only in Europe, where this very convention was invented, there are no orphanages, no colonies for juvenile delinquents (“youngsters”), no homelessness. And we don’t just have it all, we really have it!

The scale is such that it is time to start a campaign to eliminate homelessness, as in the days of the unforgettable Felix Edmundovich. There is no only Iron Felix to lead all this, and there is not even approximate plan actions: "You just need to understand - what to do?"

In the “youngsters” there is a real hell, adult recidivists recall their “happy childhood” with horror. In orphanages, children's reception centers, homeless children beat, and even rape "home". And this is not due to the villainy of the administration, but simply according to the principle “you cannot see for everyone”. Create new "youngsters", new receivers? And not just new, but a new type? And what? Finally notice underage prostitutes on the roads of the Ryazan region? To see all the horror of the social bottom of the Russian hinterland? Pay attention to beggars with babies in their arms? But then (horror!) you will really have to work, and not "cut" the funds allocated for the protection of children's rights ... Somehow I did not meet any "authorized" in my contacts with representatives of the social "bottom"!

The way out was found in Russian ingenious, discovered in a well-known anecdote about a drunkard who lost his keys ... Do you remember? He looked for them only under the lantern, in the circle of light, because outside of it "nothing is visible." Certainly! The rights of children must first of all be protected where these very children can be seen at a glance - at school and in the family.

In the 1990s, families and schools were under pressure from various sectarian and semi-sectarian organizations. healthy image life, safe sex, family planning, personal emancipation ... When dad and mom delved into the essence of what they were trying to teach their child, they became furious and went to deal with the headmaster. A parent asset was assembled, on which all these intricate terms and teachings were given their real name - corruption! That onslaught was repulsed precisely thanks to the close alliance of the family and the healthy part of the school. Now there is a second onslaught: first to confuse teachers, create tools for reprisals against families, and only then come for the main prey - children's souls. Even before all the talk about juvenile justice, an indistinct origin of personality began to penetrate the school, suggesting that children (very persistently!) inform on parents and teachers; phone books were handed out. Involuntarily, thoughts about the existence of a certain Satanic International come to mind ...

It is interesting that in countries with developed juvenile justice, where the parallel world has already captured part of the territory, ombudsmen, like ours, do not poke their noses into its borders. In France, "protectors of children's rights" diligently bypass the Arab quarters ... Why? ..

Our parallel world occupies a vast territory, it is constantly growing, metastasizing. And in it, as already mentioned, there are children. How can you create a system for protecting the rights of children next to the Looking Glass?! And it’s very simple - you don’t have to see him at point blank range! And even better - to create an idea among the layman that everything is in order there, they love the kids, they are taken care of by professionals. Everything is calm in Baghdad!..

Lecturers began to appear in schools, promoting the Makarenko system at the teachers' councils. Yes, even Stanislavsky, please! The only leitmotif of these lectures is the notion that “bad” orphanages should be replaced by “good” ones based on the Makarenko system, and children will be much better off in them than in a foster family. Let's leave aside the question of the Makarenko system - I, as a teacher, am convinced that it was based solely on the personal qualities of Anton Semyonovich himself and will not work without him. The main question for supporters of juvenile justice is why don't you ask the children themselves where they feel better? Why did a small group of people arrogate to themselves the right to decide for both children and parents? Are they gods? Why can a slap, putting in a corner, “moral coercion” be considered the basis for removing a child from a family? I really want to ask the inventors of such systems to show AT LEAST ONE person grown without prohibitions, without coercion!

... An honest, good writer published two books that were read with confidence in the circle of our friends. The third book, which tells about juvenile colonies, evoked a feeling of personal resentment, close to shock. Lie! Lies on every page! I really want to think that the author was simply used in the dark, deceived: the defenders of the system are great masters of this business. But all the same, a person with such life experience should have seen what lies behind the colorful stands (damn them, these stands!), well-maintained sports towns with the latest simulators, clean bedrooms ... I didn’t see it! The book praises the colonies (Makarenko's system!), quotes letters from children who accidentally stumbled, but embarked on the path of correction (murderers, rapists, robbers). And the main reason for the correction is that in the colony for the first time they began to be treated with respect as people! Almost as if in reality, I hear the mocking laughter of the authors of these letters, the whistle of their grateful listeners - juvenile convicts, for whom such letters are entertainment on duty. (The entertainment is very useful: if a well-known writer asks, maybe they will knock it off a little.) I saw those who went through the “youngsters”. Among them were crushed, lost interest in life; were embittered, ready to take revenge on the whole world; there were hardened cynics ready to use this world. Corrected, realized - did not see! Probably unlucky...

... On television they tell a terrible story with a happy ending: the children were removed from the foster family and transferred to good hands. I've skimmed through this story a few times, so don't be surprised by the accuracy of the quoted quotes. The reason for the withdrawal was that the children were dressed in old clothes, underfed "and sometimes even beaten." No cases of beatings were established, otherwise ... Otherwise, the plot would have been about monstrous maniac rapists. Underfeeding was established from the fact that the children were underweight for their age. True, “foster parents explained this by the illness of their children, but doctors think differently ...”. A portly lady in a white coat appears on the screen and says something unintelligible, and under the picture the captions quickly flash: "Nurse of such and such a hospital." How unknown doctors managed to shrink into a single nurse is understandable: who would want to risk their professional reputation?! After all, the girls shown in a glimpse show signs of fetal alcohol syndrome of the fetus, with this disease the struggle is for every gram of weight! And at the end of the story they show new mom one of the girls, apparently a very good person. The girl does not get off her hands, sits with her face buried in her mother's neck. "She's afraid of being taken away..." Happy ending?! The child is afraid of what happened to him once... Moloch has already come to us, people! The TV journalists who prepared this and similar stories would like to recall the formidable words of our Savior:

“Woe to the world from temptations, for temptations must come; but woe to that person through whom the stumbling block comes.”

15. Debts. Instead of a conclusion

According to St. John Chrysostom, neglect of children is the greatest of all sins, and in it is the extreme degree of ungodliness.

How?! What about murder? What about adultery? What did the saint mean by calling neglect of children the greatest of sins? Not one of, namely the greatest? And the fact that children, according to the saint, is a pledge given to us by the Lord. Neglect of this pledge, therefore, is the gravest blasphemy:

“We have been entrusted with an important pledge - children. Therefore, let us take care of them and use all measures so that the evil one does not steal them from us.

Why? And here's why:

“The birth of children has already become the greatest consolation for people when they become mortal. That is why the philanthropic God, in order to immediately, at the very beginning, mitigate the severity of the punishment and take away the terrible appearance from death, granted the birth of children, showing in it ... the image of the Resurrection ... "

The only time in the Gospels when the Lord hugged someone was the case of a child. A child (any!) carries a special message to people, and in this sense he is an Angel. The only way to build a just and happy society on earth, according to John Chrysostom, is to diligently protect children from sin:

“If good fathers tried to give their children a good upbringing, then neither laws, nor courts, nor judgments, nor punishments would be needed. There are executioners because there is no morality”;

“... So there is no excuse for us when our children are depraved ...”

Indeed, if at least once in its history mankind had not spoiled the pledge entrusted to it, not a mythical, but a very real golden age would come! You and I, my dear grown-ups, are a hopelessly corrupted pledge, suitable only for a garbage heap, and only the infinite Mercy of God gives us hope for salvation. The proof of our depravity before our eyes is the very existence of abandoned, useless, suffering children. We can live knowing that it's near! Evil is spreading, the zone of relative well-being is becoming narrower, it is becoming more and more difficult to look away - but we do it with virtuoso skill. Our well-being becomes more relative and unreliable, and laughter around ceases to be a call sign of joy - it's just a sound!

In frank conversations, you can often hear: “What can we do?” Indeed, we are nothing. We have nothing to give to the Lord who has given us everything. We can only, like children, ask for forgiveness and say: “Lord! I won't do it again! I will try really, really hard to be good!”

My late mother once said: “Don't try to thank us, don't try to repay your father and me for what we did for you. It won't work, fool! No one has yet been able to pay off their parents. There is only one way - to transfer the debt to the future, along the chain. You owe your children, and they owe theirs, and so on.” And at the base, at the beginning of this chain, stands our common Father. He will collect the debt at the end of time.

... As a child, I became friends with a boy from an orphanage - they were in the hospital together. I, a child from a prosperous large family, was shocked to the core by the fact that a living, real (not from a book!) Boy may not have parents. The orphanage resident himself explained it this way: “At first they also wanted to give me to my father and mother, grandparents ... And then they thought - and they sent me to an orphanage!” This phrase - word for word - he repeated more than once, and it crashed into my memory, like the face of that boy. I close my eyes and I see...

... Thousands of cribs, playpens ... Thousands of children ... They stand on all fours and sway, howling softly, inhumanly ...

“At first they also wanted to give me to my father and mother, grandparents ... And then they thought ...”

Think people! Better think!

Moscow, July 2010

Notes

Cit. by: “Our Holy Father John Chrysostom lessons on education” from “The Way to Salvation. (A short essay on asceticism). Inscriptions of Christian morality. The writings of Bishop Theophan. M., 1908. S. 327.

Cit. by: “Our Holy Father John Chrysostom lessons on education” from “The Way to Salvation. (A short essay on asceticism). Inscriptions of Christian morality. The writings of Bishop Theophan. M., 1908. S. 344.

"Creations of St. John Chrysostom". T. 4. St. Petersburg, 1898. S. 162.

Cit. by: “Our Holy Father John Chrysostom lessons on education” from “The Way to Salvation. (A short essay on asceticism). Inscriptions of Christian morality. The writings of Bishop Theophan. M., 1908. S. 320.

Cit. by: “Our Holy Father John Chrysostom lessons on education” from “The Way to Salvation. (A short essay on asceticism). Inscriptions of Christian morality. The writings of Bishop Theophan. M., 1908. S. 332.